KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Deleted User on January 29, 2016, 12:01:00 AM
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Hi, My name is Lori. I live in South Jersey. I'm here as a support for my spouse. I love him. I'm worried about him. I do not nag. I pray a lot. I don't want to lose my best friend and husband to cancer. 2 years ago he admitted to me that he hadn't quit, he felt guilty for lying to me, but because I was happy and proud of him "for his quit lie" he just kept going with it. 2 years ago he said "I want to quit... just not yet" now he says "I don't want to quit, I enjoy it too much, maybe I'll quit in year 2025" How can I convince him to make this decision for himself. I write quit quotes on his cans in a white sharpie. I read him the list of the top 100 reasons to quit, he laughed so much. We've been married 17 years, I believe that he has been smoking or chewing for about 30 years. I love and support him, and I really want him to decide to quit, I will walk this road with him. Is there a place for spouses on here?
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Lori as a lying scum that hid and lied about my addiction to my wife for 35 years of our marriage I can tell you with almost a certainty that there is nothing that you can do until he is ready to quit for himself. That is a sad situation but a fact. Addiction of nicotine is so strong that even when we want to quit it is a real bitch to deal with. My wife never said anything, she knew I dipped even though I thought she was unaware. Keep praying that's what my wife did! And thank God she did I finally did it.
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Hi, My name is Lori. I live in South Jersey. I'm here as a support for my spouse. I love him. I'm worried about him. I do not nag. I pray a lot. I don't want to lose my best friend and husband to cancer. 2 years ago he admitted to me that he hadn't quit, he felt guilty for lying to me, but because I was happy and proud of him "for his quit lie" he just kept going with it. 2 years ago he said "I want to quit... just not yet" now he says "I don't want to quit, I enjoy it too much, maybe I'll quit in year 2025" How can I convince him to make this decision for himself. I write quit quotes in a white sharpie with a pen. I read him the list of the top 100 reasons to quit, he laughed so much. We've been married 17 years, I believe that he has been smoking or chewing for about 30 years. I love and support him, and I really want him to decide to quit, I will walk this road with him. Is there a place for spouses on here?
Wooooolf.
Lori you sound like my wife and best friend.
Keep praying.
It worked for My wife.
And KTC was HIS answer for me.
Just get him to read some truth in here.
He can call me....... Send me PM
Im 51.... Dipped 38 years.
Quit for 436 days.
Feel like I'm in 6th grade again.
Free.
Dont give up...... He hates it.
He is eating with the pigs.
He will come home.
Patience
Respect you.... Towards Him!
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Uggh. Lori, so many of us have been your husband. We've lied to our spouses and anyone who would listen. We allowed tobacco to rob us of countless things, not the least of which is our health. Unfortunately the more you push, the more he may pull. Screw it though, something brought each and every one of us to finally give it up here, something will ultimately click with him. Have him read this little story: Kerns Story (http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/) or have him read about Sean Marsee. Of course he has to quit when he's ready but when he is, point him here.
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Uggh. Lori, so many of us have been your husband. We've lied to our spouses and anyone who would listen. We allowed tobacco to rob us of countless things, not the least of which is our health. Unfortunately the more you push, the more he may pull. Screw it though, something brought each and every one of us to finally give it up here, something will ultimately click with him. Have him read this little story: Kerns Story (http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/) or have him read about Sean Marsee. Of course he has to quit when he's ready but when he is, point him here.
I'm going to support what Dano said. Sometimes we can be moved by another's story. Sometimes, all in one random moment we have had enough and quit spontaneously. I'm 25 and dipped for at least 7 years. Everyone above me is right, the desire to quit MUST be an internal desire, however, the catalyst to ignight that desire can sometimes be external.
Try to get him to read the stories that Dano mentioned. They had a powerful impact on me. another one was an open letter by Curt Schilling he wrote to himself, I don't have a link because I'm on my phone but I'll try to find it later.
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Thank you to each of you who replied to me. I read Tom Kern's story to my husband late last night. He said "That's really sad", but this morning the kitchen trash can smells like his stinky little dip wads. When he tiptoed out of the bedroom at 4am, I figured he was slipping away for a dip. I didn't say anything. This morning I was reading Curt Schilling's letter on my phone. My hubby said "What are you looking at?" I said "a 48 year old (my husband's age) baseball player wrote a letter to his 16 year old self" I asked him if he would like to hear it, he did. After a few paragraphs he stopped me from reading it. The thought of losing my husband to cancer terrifies me, we have a 4 year old daughter, I him to be here for her. I wish that I could lovingly get through to him. Is there a forum for spouses of dip addicts on here?
God Bless you all.
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Thank you to each of you who replied to me. I read Tom Kern's story to my husband late last night. He said "That's really sad", but this morning the kitchen trash can smells like his stinky little dip wads. When he tiptoed out of the bedroom at 4am, I figured he was slipping away for a dip. I didn't say anything. This morning I was reading Curt Schilling's letter on my phone. My hubby said "What are you looking at?" I said "a 48 year old (my husband's age) baseball player wrote a letter to his 16 year old self" I asked him if he would like to hear it, he did. After a few paragraphs he stopped me from reading it. The thought of losing my husband to cancer terrifies me, we have a 4 year old daughter, I him to be here for her. I wish that I could lovingly get through to him. Is there a forum for spouses of dip addicts on here?
God Bless you all.
Men are stubborn creatures. Nicotine is as addictive as heroin.
You are a great spouse and he is lucky to have you. Unfortunately, this is an individual choice. Nagging, pleading, offering examples of those who have been stricken by this addiction... Yeah in theory it would help. In reality it doesn't. Let him know that you love humans want him to quit. Let him know about this site- which has helped thousands of us do what we couldn't do alone - and when (if) he is ready he will quit.
In the meantime, you are always welcome here.
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I do not think we have an actual forum for spouses, but as you can obviously tell we are all more than happy to let you vent here and we will ride this ride with you.
The first response on your thread by WT is the most strait forward honest truth. I think, based on what you've shared, that you're realizing this truth to its fullest. No matter how many stories, examples of dread, and pleas you make to your husband, it all comes down to one thing - he needs to want it. And moreover, he can't quit for you...and he can't quit for your 4 year-old daughter. He needs to quit because he wants it. All of us here have tried to quit for the people we love and we have all failed. Its when you quit for you and you alone...because you want it more than anything, that you can succeed. One has to be selfish - but, selfishness will benefit others. Because I quit for me, my wife and kids reap the benefit of that. I want to be around for them ...I want it; and what do they get out of that - exactly the reasons you want your husband to quit.
Keep posting here Lori. We'll be here for you.
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It's good to hear from the "other side" because it keeps our quits strong! Unfortunately, one can only quit for themselves. My prayers and wishes that your husband sees the light!
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Great news!
My husband wants to quit, he set his quit date for April 2, 2016. He has 10 days off from work in the beginning of April. He is a truck driver and driving is a trigger for him.
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Great news!
My husband wants to quit, he set his quit date for April 2, 2016. He has 10 days off from work in the beginning of April. He is a truck driver and driving is a trigger for him.
Lori good luck. For me it wasn't that my wife wanted me to quit... It was living a dishonest life with my wife. I feel for you, because as much as you want your husband to change its like pushing on a string. Like a bunch of folks have already written he needs to want to change his life for himself. hopefully he does.
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Great news!
My husband wants to quit, he set his quit date for April 2, 2016. He has 10 days off from work in the beginning of April. He is a truck driver and driving is a trigger for him.
Lori good luck. For me it wasn't that my wife wanted me to quit... It was living a dishonest life with my wife. I feel for you, because as much as you want your husband to change its like pushing on a string. Like a bunch of folks have already written he needs to want to change his life for himself. hopefully he does.
Good luck, Lori.
Many of us had set "quit dates" before and it didn't work out. That's what brought us here - deciding enough was enough and quitting cold turkey right NOW.
Setting a date may work for him, but it didn't for many of us. For a lot of us setting a date was a way to keep putting it off. "Oh, I'll do it April 2nd." April 2nd would come and go and then "Oh, I'll do it next month."
I sincerely hope it works out for him. Either way, this community is here for you.
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Lori - Has your husband been on this site yet? Has he done any reading of his own in these forums?
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Great news!
My husband wants to quit, he set his quit date for April 2, 2016. He has 10 days off from work in the beginning of April. He is a truck driver and driving is a trigger for him.
Lori good luck. For me it wasn't that my wife wanted me to quit... It was living a dishonest life with my wife. I feel for you, because as much as you want your husband to change its like pushing on a string. Like a bunch of folks have already written he needs to want to change his life for himself. hopefully he does.
Good luck, Lori.
Many of us had set "quit dates" before and it didn't work out. That's what brought us here - deciding enough was enough and quitting cold turkey right NOW.
Setting a date may work for him, but it didn't for many of us. For a lot of us setting a date was a way to keep putting it off. "Oh, I'll do it April 2nd." April 2nd would come and go and then "Oh, I'll do it next month."
I sincerely hope it works out for him. Either way, this community is here for you.
You need to point him to this site. Do it on 4/2/2016, if not sooner. The day I quit (34 days ago), I bought a can of Copenhagen at lunch, came back to work, took a dip, found this website. Twenty minutes later I flushed the contents of the can down the toilet and have been nicotine free ever since.
We have a member in our June 2016 HOF group who is a truck driver. His username is DV-Turbo. I'll have him watch out for your husband.
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My prayers and wishes for you, and him, that he quits NOW.
Sadly, my first instinct was to tell you to find another guy, because he can only quit for himself. Then to tell you to show him what I wrote.
I was the same liar, slave, for years, decades. A lot of us here were. You, and especially he, can NOT imagine what it is like to be free and to have true integrity. Self esteem suffers immeasurably when we do, without control, something we really are ashamed of for years, daily, many times. And when we have to constantly lie about it, regardless of how much we might claim truth is important. Addiction is really, really tough, and this stuff is among the toughest. It takes all you have, all you can give, to really quit. And it takes others, almost universally. Everyone here can attest to that, none of us were ever able to do it alone, though most of us tried.
Bless you and I hope your prayers and efforts are answered.
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I can't say anything that hasn't already been said even though I do 100% reflect those sentiments. It has even been said that you are welcomed here. Welcome! PM me if you have any questions or concerns. Any at all. I will even send you my number for a quicker response. Not Immediate response, but quicker. Don't be discouraged. Remember, the quit has to be for him and all about him.
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Hey - have seen your posts. Glad today is day 1. We are all here to help. You are the real deal and a great spouse.
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Don't get your hopes up too high. He's here, but now he's in the fight or flight response stage. If he survives that, he has to make it through the 100 days. After that, he has to maintain his quit, which takes diligence. There are a ton of quitters here that have relapsed after being quit for several hundred days. This is a lifetime battle for us addicts.
Feel free to reach out to any of us. Just remember that every addict makes a choice, every moment, to remain quit.
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What's up girl? Need more support? Let me know....I am a quitter and live with an active user. I think I understand all aspects of this nicotine addiction. Be strong. Keep your head up. Reach out.
Lady G
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Hey. If you ever need to talk or any one to pray. I'm here for you. I'm so glad he decided to quit. I'm still trying to get mine to quit. Fingers crossed. But seriously. I will be praying for God to strengthen both of you. God Bless
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KTC family,
Thank you for your support, I think my husband having someone to talk him off the ledge when he wants a dip will be key to him navigating a successful quit. Thank you everyone who posted in his intro or sent him a pm. I'm beyond grateful for this website and all of you. My husband is Dante aka 'Spit Cup' on here.
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KTC family,
Thank you for your support, I think my husband having someone to talk him off the ledge when he wants a dip will be key to him navigating a successful quit. Thank you everyone who posted in his intro or sent him a pm. I'm beyond grateful for this website and all of you. My husband is Dante aka 'Spit Cup' on here.
I will send him a message. My phone is always on, he is not alone, he does not have to fear, he does not have to worry. All he has to do is trust in us and let us help shoulder his burden.