KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: kubiackalpha on March 03, 2016, 12:44:00 PM
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Hello, everyone. This is day 3 of quitting this time around. Two previous times I had good time under my belt. Once for 2 years and another for almost 5 years. In my intro I plan on letting my discovery out in hopes that it helps others. I know there are some angry folks on this board and, quite frankly, I don't respond to that at all. Anyways, For 7 years I was a drug and alcohol counselor. I know the road to recovery from a professional stand point. I knew what it took to get clean and sober and to stay clean and sober. Yes, you do have to have both Clean and Sober for it to be Recovery. The biggest fault of quitting is who I was doing it for. First time was my Ex Wife, the second time was my ex girlfriend after my ex wife. See. I quit for them. So, of course, when it went south with them I felt no need to keep on quitting. This time, it is for me. I want to quit. This time has been harder, though, than previous times. Previously, no withdraw symptoms. No, my jaw aches, my body aches, I am very tired and sleepy, eyes itch, fluctuating appetite, headaches. I know I need this support group. I know I am going to start a live support group in my town. I do believe the 12 steps will help. Addiction is an addiction is an addiction. No matter the stigma an addiction to chemicals has, it is still the same. I hope I helped somebody. I am no better than anyone else nor am I any less. If anyone wants to chat, message, talk, anything. Let me know.
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Get on over to your quit group ASAP and post roll. You are in the 'Pre-HOF June 2016' quit group. Click this link, and post roll. Do it every day, first thing.
topic/11536813/52/#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/11536813/52/#new)
You've got it right...this quit is for you and no one else. No more false starts, now is the time.
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Welcome to our nightmare. Day 3 is the worst. Just get through today.
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Hello, everyone. This is day 3 of quitting this time around. Two previous times I had good time under my belt. Once for 2 years and another for almost 5 years. In my intro I plan on letting my discovery out in hopes that it helps others. I know there are some angry folks on this board and, quite frankly, I don't respond to that at all. Anyways, For 7 years I was a drug and alcohol counselor. I know the road to recovery from a professional stand point. I knew what it took to get clean and sober and to stay clean and sober. Yes, you do have to have both Clean and Sober for it to be Recovery. The biggest fault of quitting is who I was doing it for. First time was my Ex Wife, the second time was my ex girlfriend after my ex wife. See. I quit for them. So, of course, when it went south with them I felt no need to keep on quitting. This time, it is for me. I want to quit. This time has been harder, though, than previous times. Previously, no withdraw symptoms. No, my jaw aches, my body aches, I am very tired and sleepy, eyes itch, fluctuating appetite, headaches. I know I need this support group. I know I am going to start a live support group in my town. I do believe the 12 steps will help. Addiction is an addiction is an addiction. No matter the stigma an addiction to chemicals has, it is still the same. I hope I helped somebody. I am no better than anyone else nor am I any less. If anyone wants to chat, message, talk, anything. Let me know.
Man, you do sound like a pro. Let's make it stick-- Welcome to mutha fuckin', puck-chuckin' June Platoon. 'Remshot' 'Remshot' 'Remshot'
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Hello, everyone. This is day 3 of quitting this time around. Two previous times I had good time under my belt. Once for 2 years and another for almost 5 years. In my intro I plan on letting my discovery out in hopes that it helps others. I know there are some angry folks on this board and, quite frankly, I don't respond to that at all. Anyways, For 7 years I was a drug and alcohol counselor. I know the road to recovery from a professional stand point. I knew what it took to get clean and sober and to stay clean and sober. Yes, you do have to have both Clean and Sober for it to be Recovery. The biggest fault of quitting is who I was doing it for. First time was my Ex Wife, the second time was my ex girlfriend after my ex wife. See. I quit for them. So, of course, when it went south with them I felt no need to keep on quitting. This time, it is for me. I want to quit. This time has been harder, though, than previous times. Previously, no withdraw symptoms. No, my jaw aches, my body aches, I am very tired and sleepy, eyes itch, fluctuating appetite, headaches. I know I need this support group. I know I am going to start a live support group in my town. I do believe the 12 steps will help. Addiction is an addiction is an addiction. No matter the stigma an addiction to chemicals has, it is still the same. I hope I helped somebody. I am no better than anyone else nor am I any less. If anyone wants to chat, message, talk, anything. Let me know.
Man, you do sound like a pro. Let's make it stick-- Welcome to mutha fuckin', puck-chuckin' June Platoon. 'Remshot' 'Remshot' 'Remshot'
If you want to make this you final and only quit, get active and post roll.
See you each day,
Idaho Spuds 564
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Hello, everyone. This is day 3 of quitting this time around. Two previous times I had good time under my belt. Once for 2 years and another for almost 5 years. In my intro I plan on letting my discovery out in hopes that it helps others. I know there are some angry folks on this board and, quite frankly, I don't respond to that at all. Anyways, For 7 years I was a drug and alcohol counselor. I know the road to recovery from a professional stand point. I knew what it took to get clean and sober and to stay clean and sober. Yes, you do have to have both Clean and Sober for it to be Recovery. The biggest fault of quitting is who I was doing it for. First time was my Ex Wife, the second time was my ex girlfriend after my ex wife. See. I quit for them. So, of course, when it went south with them I felt no need to keep on quitting. This time, it is for me. I want to quit. This time has been harder, though, than previous times. Previously, no withdraw symptoms. No, my jaw aches, my body aches, I am very tired and sleepy, eyes itch, fluctuating appetite, headaches. I know I need this support group. I know I am going to start a live support group in my town. I do believe the 12 steps will help. Addiction is an addiction is an addiction. No matter the stigma an addiction to chemicals has, it is still the same. I hope I helped somebody. I am no better than anyone else nor am I any less. If anyone wants to chat, message, talk, anything. Let me know.
Man, you do sound like a pro. Let's make it stick-- Welcome to mutha fuckin', puck-chuckin' June Platoon. 'Remshot' 'Remshot' 'Remshot'
If you want to make this you final and only quit, get active and post roll.
See you each day,
Idaho Spuds 564
Sounds like you will know this, but it bears repeating...
Get involved and stay involved.
No more trying.
This is it... own it.
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Hopefully I did the roll correctly. First time blogging or whatever this is considered. I will get the hang of it though. I will be here everyday. I know I need this group. I read a post earlier about a guy that was going to go get hammered after only 5 days of non use. When I read that, it reminded me of something one of my co workers which is in recovery for Alcohol said "When you think you don't need it anymore is right when you need it the most." My fog and pain has subsided for today. Just for today, self.
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Hopefully I did the roll correctly.
I think you did okay. If you screw it up, someone will come along and fix it. After a few times, they'll call you out on it. With roll, the effort is paramount. We're pretty forgiving. Not posting roll is what will bring down the hammer.
Welcome to the mfpc June Platoon! I quit with you today!
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I work in the Agriculture business now and have for the past two years. I am in the rebooting part of my life right now. I can make all the excuses in the world as to why things have failed in the past. Yes, I wasn't doing it for myself so that was a huge player in it. Honestly, it comes down to I was weak. I let something so small control me. I can't help but laugh at the times I was presenting to my inpatient groups how a rolled up piece of paper (representing Marijuana) controlled them. The rolled up paper once unrolled would have about ten silly instructions on it like walk like a chicken or slide on the floor on your stomach. Eventually they understood. Now, I understand. It was federal and state law that I could not use tobacco in the facility. Well, I was willing getting fired for a dip. What an idiot I was. Today, I feel so much better about it. If I want to talk to a beautiful woman I don't have to tuck it way back in my cheek or spit it out and pop in gum. I can just go talk to her. I wont have to make excuses to walk outside when I visit my parents.
Just for today, Self
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Huh. I work in the agriculture business too.
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No matter what one may answer for why they messed up or failed or quit quitting or whatever it is referred to by the person. It boils down to you didn't want it enough. It wasnt that important to you. Quitting has to be selfish. But, wait, what about my family? don't they deserve me. Just, stop it. Making excuses at the beginning, allowing failure before even starting. Here is the thing. If you don't take care of yourself how the heck do you expect to take care of your kids, wife, mom, dad, family? I also know when you think you have it licked, it will lick you. We have all slept with the enemy. We know its many lies, wants, romance. We know what she is capable of. We know she can destroy families. Heck, it can destroy relationships before they even start. I hope the admins are fine with me writing daily here. This helps me stay focused and it also helps me knowing that someone that reads this just might glean something from it and help them out for the day.
Just for today, Self.
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So. For those that was to know or even care. I am 39, divorced, I work in the agriculture business after being a counselor for 7 years for drug and alcohol addiction (Mental and Behavioural Health in general). I can't put the blame on one person. Yes, my dad dipped. But, I wasn't too fond of him for several years (Until I was about 25) because he worked 70+ hours a week and was not active in my life at all. So, he really didn't have an impact on me in that way. Except, now, I work the hours like he works. I started dipping when I was 16. Cherry Skoal. played around with Mint and a few other flavours. Finally landing on Big Daddy Cope. I bounced a few bars and dance halls. Met a couple Copenhagen Angels (Open a can and lip half the can with one hand only while the other held a beer). It was quite romantic. We never had to take it out to kiss! Soon, it became a matter of manhood. Not a man if you cant swallow the juice. I rationalized it was good for you because my grandfather would use twist and plug tobaccos for the cattle and horses to keep them worm free. Then, it was stress relief. I could go be on my own, not have to interact with anyone, and just chill. Damn habit became habitual and I didn't even realize it. Sneaky basterd NIC!
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Day 12 and I have headaches. I can't really think of any words of wisdom I have from my days as a counselor. Too much pain in the brain. Only thing I can think of to help you on your quit is "DON'T MAKE ANY MAJOR CHANGES WITH YOUR LIFE EXCEPT FOR QUITTING!" Seriously, folks. You don't want to start a new job during this transition. You don't want a relationship (Start or end one) in this unless the end will result in you having less stress now and it is healthier for you. IF YOU CAN, push that lil battered back up the cooch. LMAO! In all seriousness. Testing the waters will always get you wet. I know we can't avoid everything always out entire lives. We cant always avoid the convenience store, avoid the Gator/Power ade bottles, other dippers. We can, however, be smart. Go the extra one mile to Costco/Walmart/Sams/IGA/whateveritiswhereyoulive and get it there if you can. If you gotta take someone with you, be on the phone with one of these other BAQ then do it.
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So sick of being sick. Think i am becoming allergic to children. My friends boy stole the families only car to go joy riding. He lost control of the vehicle and wrecked. Glad he is okay and all. But, I was the one that got up and helped him get his boy and arrange and do all that stuff with him. I think that is why I was craving a dip this morning. Usually in these times I have a dip in to keep me level. Instead, it was talking all I had. Why did I need to stay level? Why was I frustrated? I feel, that he should have been able to handle all of that. He is an adult. Heck, he is older than me. I understand the family only having the one vehicle. But, this was me talking to the hi po, the wrecker service, impound, fees and all that shit. Why the fuck am I the one doing it? That, is why I craved. I didnt cave, though. WOOHOO! Victory!!
Just for today, Self.
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Trollop! YES! I made it to Trollop status! WOOHOO! You know, Heroine, Meth, optiates, etc, all have withdrawals. In my experience dealing with clients that have had them they are gone after 3 days. I have never dealt with a beast such as this NIC that would still have withdrawals 15 days after the fact. Some Hall of Famers are reporting 100 days plus still having withdrawals. Fuck, man. Nic is a BITCH!
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You funny. I quit with ya today.
Mogul
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Worked a 13 hour shift yesterday. It really wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be to go without cravings. However, I believe I know why. Actually, I know why. I planned for it. This event was likely to come up. This event was for sure going to happen sooner or later. So, I planned. I did my best to work by myself (Working Agriculture it is not unusual to be either a smoker or a dipper). I got a fresh can of Bacc Off, didn't break the seal yet (That is part of the fun/lust/like of a can for me). I waited until I was starting to want one. Popped one in, took a deep breath, and enjoyed it. Craving gone. It felt good to succeed. 'winker'
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So. I am an asshole by calling people out on them having reservations. Yet, those same people calling me an asshole are the same ones that are saying "we are tough on you because we care blah blah blah." Look. I learned a long time ago that when a guy comes into treatment and he is holding, he is not ready to quit no matter what his mouth says. Yes. I am venting here. i know some newbies are going to see it and want to back out. Well. they have reservations as well. IF they see something and use that as an excuse to not join and do something that is tried and true and proven. Well, they were going to be cavers anyways and not really ready to quit. So. Okay. I vented. Not good to hold onto something like this. had to vent to let it go.
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Bought 3 cans of Bacc Off yesterday. 3 cans is what I would go through in a 7 day period. i know this week is going to be a test for me. Money is going to be super tight. 12 to 16hr work days. Holes in the roof of the Ghetto Shack I rent. Holes in the floor of the Ghetto Shack I rent. Landlord wont do a damn thing about it. The city and state housing wont do anything about him. I cant afford to move. Mom is having another back surgery. It is nothing that others havent gone through and triumphed. I know. But, I know it is still a test for me. I got some numbers of solid dudes that I can text if having an issue. I have everything I need.
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DAMNIT! Sweet Tooth has kicked in big time! I never used to like my coffee with sweetened creamer. Now, that is all I will drink. You know the cookies that come in a pack of ten and are around a dollar. 3 in 3 days. not 3 cookies. 3 packages of cookies. Pop Tarts a package a day. This is crazy! I lost 175 pounds over 2 years. I think since quitting I have put back on 25lbs. Oh well. I can always diet and lose the weight. I cant eat differently to get rid of cancer. So. Still a positive trade off. No matter what. Just for today, Self.
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DAMNIT! Sweet Tooth has kicked in big time! I never used to like my coffee with sweetened creamer. Now, that is all I will drink. You know the cookies that come in a pack of ten and are around a dollar. 3 in 3 days. not 3 cookies. 3 packages of cookies. Pop Tarts a package a day. This is crazy! I lost 175 pounds over 2 years. I think since quitting I have put back on 25lbs. Oh well. I can always diet and lose the weight. I cant eat differently to get rid of cancer. So. Still a positive trade off. No matter what. Just for today, Self.
Haha, you are an entertaining read! I have had quite the sweet tooth as well. Everything tastes better, now that I can actually taste it! Who knew?? I've been working out 30 minutes a day in the morning, and I know I've still gained weight. My lovely wife made it a point to tell me that. But, same here, that's something I can attack later on, for now, I can try and make healthy choices and work out, but all that really matters is that I quit today. Quit with you today!
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DAMNIT! Sweet Tooth has kicked in big time! I never used to like my coffee with sweetened creamer. Now, that is all I will drink. You know the cookies that come in a pack of ten and are around a dollar. 3 in 3 days. not 3 cookies. 3 packages of cookies. Pop Tarts a package a day. This is crazy! I lost 175 pounds over 2 years. I think since quitting I have put back on 25lbs. Oh well. I can always diet and lose the weight. I cant eat differently to get rid of cancer. So. Still a positive trade off. No matter what. Just for today, Self.
Haha, you are an entertaining read! I have had quite the sweet tooth as well. Everything tastes better, now that I can actually taste it! Who knew?? I've been working out 30 minutes a day in the morning, and I know I've still gained weight. My lovely wife made it a point to tell me that. But, same here, that's something I can attack later on, for now, I can try and make healthy choices and work out, but all that really matters is that I quit today. Quit with you today!
Yeah. I can't wait to go back to the gym. Love it. I would do 3 minutes treadmill for weight loss and 30 minutes weight training. For 355lbs and 6'5" I was sculpted. I even scared myself one time. Maybe I can get my girlfriend to move closer and we can both lose weight the fun way.
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DAMNIT! Sweet Tooth has kicked in big time! I never used to like my coffee with sweetened creamer. Now, that is all I will drink. You know the cookies that come in a pack of ten and are around a dollar. 3 in 3 days. not 3 cookies. 3 packages of cookies. Pop Tarts a package a day. This is crazy! I lost 175 pounds over 2 years. I think since quitting I have put back on 25lbs. Oh well. I can always diet and lose the weight. I cant eat differently to get rid of cancer. So. Still a positive trade off. No matter what. Just for today, Self.
Haha, you are an entertaining read! I have had quite the sweet tooth as well. Everything tastes better, now that I can actually taste it! Who knew?? I've been working out 30 minutes a day in the morning, and I know I've still gained weight. My lovely wife made it a point to tell me that. But, same here, that's something I can attack later on, for now, I can try and make healthy choices and work out, but all that really matters is that I quit today. Quit with you today!
Yeah. I can't wait to go back to the gym. Love it. I would do 3 minutes treadmill for weight loss and 30 minutes weight training. For 355lbs and 6'5" I was sculpted. I even scared myself one time. Maybe I can get my girlfriend to move closer and we can both lose weight the fun way.
I literally just sat down at work after making a run for gum, jolly ranchers, sunflower seeds, and chocolate. I have cranberry juice next to me. I sympathize with the newfound sweet tooth! haha. At least I've also been making myself run in the morning and evening every day so far. Working on day 5. Proud to quit with you today, bud!
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DAMNIT! Sweet Tooth has kicked in big time! I never used to like my coffee with sweetened creamer. Now, that is all I will drink. You know the cookies that come in a pack of ten and are around a dollar. 3 in 3 days. not 3 cookies. 3 packages of cookies. Pop Tarts a package a day. This is crazy! I lost 175 pounds over 2 years. I think since quitting I have put back on 25lbs. Oh well. I can always diet and lose the weight. I cant eat differently to get rid of cancer. So. Still a positive trade off. No matter what. Just for today, Self.
Haha, you are an entertaining read! I have had quite the sweet tooth as well. Everything tastes better, now that I can actually taste it! Who knew?? I've been working out 30 minutes a day in the morning, and I know I've still gained weight. My lovely wife made it a point to tell me that. But, same here, that's something I can attack later on, for now, I can try and make healthy choices and work out, but all that really matters is that I quit today. Quit with you today!
Yeah. I can't wait to go back to the gym. Love it. I would do 3 minutes treadmill for weight loss and 30 minutes weight training. For 355lbs and 6'5" I was sculpted. I even scared myself one time. Maybe I can get my girlfriend to move closer and we can both lose weight the fun way.
I literally just sat down at work after making a run for gum, jolly ranchers, sunflower seeds, and chocolate. I have cranberry juice next to me. I sympathize with the newfound sweet tooth! haha. At least I've also been making myself run in the morning and evening every day so far. Working on day 5. Proud to quit with you today, bud!
Yeah. I work in Agriculture and am constantly wrestling 1 ton (or more) bags of soil, moving trees in 15 gallon pots (On up to 55 gallon). Sometimes I am at my desk like I am today. Yesterday, I worked about 100 acres of wooded area cleaning it for the EPA because it is a wildlife sanctuary and a lot of our stuff (pots and tags) got onto it. I do enough physical activity for a 3000 calorie diet. You would think...haha, whatever, you are recovering from dip....that I could eat a 100 calories of sweets and not gain a single pound...NOOOOOO! Dip recovery metabolism has a different idea. I thought I had a slow metabolism before. NOW?!?! AHAHAHA FUNNY SHIT MISTER! LOL!
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Sweet tooth seems to be waning at the moment. I hope so. I hope it stays gone. Work has been busy and not really stressful, but, demanding. Which, is good. keeps me active. Now, to convince my body to be active. I went to clean up some parts of the farm for the D.E.Q. I ended up breaking out in a rash from something. Red Blotches all over my legs. At one time, I would soak my fingers by pressing really hard on the copenhagen then just a few pieces on my fingers and rub it on the blotches. it would draw out whatever it was and make it less itchy. This is a prime example of how we, as humans, can take something that was meant for great things and pervert it into something bad for us. Dynamite once was hailed as amazing because it shaped the country, built roads and such. Then someone thought. Hmm. Let's kill someone with it. I know that isn't exactly how the story goes. But, it is the point that I am trying to make. This isn't a week moment. This is a lament what could have been if she hadn't listened to the snake and ate that apple. HAHA! See. Dodged responsibility. Addict thinking. Still funny, though.
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Sweet tooth has backed off a bit. Cravings havent happened (not saying they wont). It doesn't pre occupy my mind like it had previously. Here I am, saturday, sitting at work typing on my work computer, texting occasionally, listening to Drop Kick Murphys, The Rumjacks, Flannery, Celtic Cowboys, Orthodox Celts, Irish Stew of Sindidum. I got a nice chill day. Get to play with plants a little later. Maybe drive the farm and shoot the shit with some co workers. Days like this, I need more of. Maybe some rain later today. Might have to put the frost blankets on some of the plants. Other than that. Smoooooooth sailing. OH! And a mis dialed text just sent me several pics of her boobs. About 13 so far. I don't have the heart.....or desire....to tell her she mis text the breastesessss. I hope everyone that is at work this day is also having a nice chill day.
BTW, I say 'Just for today, Self' not because I am not quitting with others or that I am not supporting others. But, it is a constant reminder that I am doing this for myself. I am my worst enemy, biggest judge, and the only one in the end, that it matters I keep the promise.
Just for today, Self.
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Indeed, this is an entertaining read. I love it. It's been a while since I've seen a good intro thread document a quitter's progress. Thanks for doing this. These really help others. It will help you too, when you look back and see what you don't want to ever go through again. The mind tends to forget the suffering it had to go through, at least forget a lot of the specifics.
You're on the right path. With this log you're keeping, with your reflections on your condition, and by being involved with other quitters. Keep it up. I want to support you because you have the guts and commitment to put yourself out there. You deserve what i can give. Let me know if i can help you in any way with your quit.
Your experience with other addictions helps too-- this nicotine addiction is so evil in some ways, and so overlooked what a true bitch it is. Validates other quitters struggles just to know it really is a big, heroic fight. And there are a lot heroes around here, helping each other win daily. Glad to fight with you, Ka.
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Thank you. I hope it helps others. I know it does me. The Sleeps are crazy. One moment (with plenty of sleep the night before) I am up and around and ready to rock the next moment is falling asleep with standing and doing physical labor. Never get that way while driving thank goodness.
When I was a counselor I always promoted writing a journal. I know it helps them. I, myself, have penned a goodbye letter to Nicotene. When I did this with my clients we would read them out loud and put them in a metal container outside and set them on fire. Symbolically it sends the problem to someone or something greater than ourselves, it signifies we are tired of dealing with this on our own. It signifies we are cutting the bond that the chemical had over us and a fire makes it permanent. You can retie strings, ropes or even weld together a chain. But, burning you have to really work at it. The entire structure has to be rebuilt at that time.
This Sunday, I set the ties that bind on fire.
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Recent drama in groups have brought back memories of my days as a counselor. I was remembering when one of my first clients in outpatient used. For me, once they left my tutelage in residential, they were on their own and if they used, they used. Nothing I could do about it (although I had an over 90% success rate). Outpatient, if they used I felt like I failed at my instructional duties. Failed to enforce how important support groups are. Failed at explaining the importance of coping skills. Then, my supervisor told me this, "If they really want to stay clean and sober then they will do what is necessary to remain clean and sober. They wont need to remember what was discussed in group. it will be natural." "They will do whatever it takes to remain clean and sober. Because they will be proud of what they have become. They understand the struggle they have gone through" . Relapse may be part of recovery, but the times you wanted to quit in the past or that time you quit for one hour in the past is your relapse. learn from it.
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Recent drama in groups have brought back memories of my days as a counselor. I was remembering when one of my first clients in outpatient used. For me, once they left my tutelage in residential, they were on their own and if they used, they used. Nothing I could do about it (although I had an over 90% success rate). Outpatient, if they used I felt like I failed at my instructional duties. Failed to enforce how important support groups are. Failed at explaining the importance of coping skills. Then, my supervisor told me this, "If they really want to stay clean and sober then they will do what is necessary to remain clean and sober. They wont need to remember what was discussed in group. it will be natural." "They will do whatever it takes to remain clean and sober. Because they will be proud of what they have become. They understand the struggle they have gone through" . Relapse may be part of recovery, but the times you wanted to quit in the past or that time you quit for one hour in the past is your relapse. learn from it.
Fine post. Newbie quitters and drama queens :DQ: pay heed!
Keep up the good work KA! Glad to be quitting daily with you!
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To show that being there is no set time to recover or that 30 days is it. Here I am at 36 days and I totally forgot what I was going to put here. Another bit of knowledge. Maybe, this is what I was actually supposed to put here. Maybe someone asking if enough is enough is reading through this. My guess is that maybe I need it as well. I know I have said it before just when you don't think you need it is when you need it the most. So much forgetfulness has happened I missed taking my vitamins the past 4 days. Well. Keep the quit on guys and gals. it is worth it. Even with withdrawal still happening for me, I can tell everything is clearer. I feel better except for the massive weight gain, HAHAHAHA. I think two more weeks of this BS sweet tooth and I will diet and start working outisde as much as possible. SO, those of you that gave me your number. I will be texting you. i will be using the support I have gained from being in this group. I know I will be tempted more than previously. I want a healthier life all around. I want, need, have to have. Nothing can stop me. I am on a minute by minute basis kicking that fucking Nic Bitches Ass. Some rounds are tougher than others. Just for today, Self is my Mantra. I am my strength. You all are my support and I am damn proud to be quit with you.
Just for today, Self.
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To show that being there is no set time to recover or that 30 days is it. Here I am at 36 days and I totally forgot what I was going to put here. Another bit of knowledge. Maybe, this is what I was actually supposed to put here. Maybe someone asking if enough is enough is reading through this. My guess is that maybe I need it as well. I know I have said it before just when you don't think you need it is when you need it the most. So much forgetfulness has happened I missed taking my vitamins the past 4 days. Well. Keep the quit on guys and gals. it is worth it. Even with withdrawal still happening for me, I can tell everything is clearer. I feel better except for the massive weight gain, HAHAHAHA. I think two more weeks of this BS sweet tooth and I will diet and start working outisde as much as possible. SO, those of you that gave me your number. I will be texting you. i will be using the support I have gained from being in this group. I know I will be tempted more than previously. I want a healthier life all around. I want, need, have to have. Nothing can stop me. I am on a minute by minute basis kicking that fucking Nic Bitches Ass. Some rounds are tougher than others. Just for today, Self is my Mantra. I am my strength. You all are my support and I am damn proud to be quit with you.
Just for today, Self.
you'll see some of that crazy stuff we have to get through in some of the intro threads here too man. It's really amazing how deep this addiction roots into our minds and subconscious. I had a bad fog about as deep in as you are. I thought for a long time that I had damaged my briain chewing, and had resigned to learn to accept life feeling slightly off. I still have a dip dream now and then, and i'm close to 900 days in. As a great guide to me to explained (Cbird) by the HOF time you should have and know how to use the tools. You still have to build your quit past that. It's ongoing. But it can be fun -- that's an added benefit of building a network. There are all sorts of clowns and whackos here who you'll share this most heroic thing most of us have ever done in common with you. Keep it up! Keep logging, building, and beating back cravings, one by one- forging new neural pathways for a happier life. You wont' believe how amazing it gets- you can't you've never experienced it yet--- but true freedom from the chains is a.maz.ing.
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Eureka moments happen all the time. Sometimes we don't have the where with all to deal with it at that moment. So, here it is. Acceptance. Acceptance is such a great thing. I mean, serenity comes at the craziest times and one of those times is when acceptance happens. It just happened. I accept that some people will not have acceptance. Ha ha ha. Yeah. That is a twister of the ol noggin. The nit picking, the circular logic, the avoidance of topics...all of that. I have to accept that no one will have this same thought process. I have to accept that some people just want to do stupid things. I have to accept a lot of things in my recovery process. I know that some of you will read this and say 'Welp, I am going to accept this guy is an idiot' or some other such words. So, yeah. A wave of calmness just washed over me. I wish I could share this. It is quite a great feeling.
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Lying in the Hospital waiting for the nurse to come do my vitals...yet again. I stumbled upon a re run of Elementary. Love that show. Holmes is in recovery for his drug addiction and attends 12 step meetings for it. He realized that Bill(Founder of AA) had it right even though he was just a common person. Not mental giants or anything. Holmes also discussed what the coin was all about. The coin is plastic representing it can easily be damaged. It is about the size of other coins to it can easily be lost. All of this represents the fragile existence of recovery whether it be alcohol, drugs, tobacco. Just one slip. Like a hole in your pockets that change and 'coins' can fall out that represents your coping skills. A belt to keep your pants up represents the support of you peers. So, you see. Even meetings, in our case posting our promise daily, can represent washing the jeans because we start fresh everyday. The coin, small, fragile is our sobriety. Our pants represents what is around us to maintain our sobriety.
BTW, My Name is Bill is an amazing movie. I highly suggest everyone watch it.
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Really at a loss today. Partially because I have to work tomorrow as well. If it holds true to form it might be a month until I do get a day off. My eating schedule is way off. Headaches are back. Sweet Tooth has kicked it up a notch. I have not taken my vitamins today and I can tell. No one knows the damage that that evil shite does to a body until one quits. NEWBIES. I know it sounds horrible. However, do not use this as an excuse to go back. Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. Well, using what this post or any other journal entry as an excuse would smell like a jalapeno, bean, cheese, egg infused butthole. So, just don't. Keep quitting. The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible.
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Really at a loss today. Partially because I have to work tomorrow as well. If it holds true to form it might be a month until I do get a day off. My eating schedule is way off. Headaches are back. Sweet Tooth has kicked it up a notch. I have not taken my vitamins today and I can tell. No one knows the damage that that evil shite does to a body until one quits. NEWBIES. I know it sounds horrible. However, do not use this as an excuse to go back. Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. Well, using what this post or any other journal entry as an excuse would smell like a jalapeno, bean, cheese, egg infused butthole. So, just don't. Keep quitting. The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible.
Keep at it one day at a time brother. You are kicking ass and taking names. The future is bright, but there are some pains in getting here.
Thanks for sharing all of this with us. You'll look back on this soon and shake your head. Nicotine can suck it.
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Really at a loss today. Partially because I have to work tomorrow as well. If it holds true to form it might be a month until I do get a day off. My eating schedule is way off. Headaches are back. Sweet Tooth has kicked it up a notch. I have not taken my vitamins today and I can tell. No one knows the damage that that evil shite does to a body until one quits. NEWBIES. I know it sounds horrible. However, do not use this as an excuse to go back. Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. Well, using what this post or any other journal entry as an excuse would smell like a jalapeno, bean, cheese, egg infused butthole. So, just don't. Keep quitting. The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible.
Keep at it one day at a time brother. You are kicking ass and taking names. The future is bright, but there are some pains in getting here.
Thanks for sharing all of this with us. You'll look back on this soon and shake your head. Nicotine can suck it.
Good thoughts man. Yes there are some tough days on the road to freedom. The further along the path you get the further apart the shitty days get. Good job on venting here in your intro. You are doing good. You are active here and you are winning!
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Really at a loss today. Partially because I have to work tomorrow as well. If it holds true to form it might be a month until I do get a day off. My eating schedule is way off. Headaches are back. Sweet Tooth has kicked it up a notch. I have not taken my vitamins today and I can tell. No one knows the damage that that evil shite does to a body until one quits. NEWBIES. I know it sounds horrible. However, do not use this as an excuse to go back. Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. Well, using what this post or any other journal entry as an excuse would smell like a jalapeno, bean, cheese, egg infused butthole. So, just don't. Keep quitting. The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible.
Keep at it one day at a time brother. You are kicking ass and taking names. The future is bright, but there are some pains in getting here.
Thanks for sharing all of this with us. You'll look back on this soon and shake your head. Nicotine can suck it.
" The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible"
Perspectice. You gots it. Keep rolling over this stuff, man. Soon enough it's all just a speck in the rear view mirror. Rock on...
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Keep at it Kubiack. The fog wrapped its cloudy tendrils around my brain for months only giving me brief glimpses of the freedom I feel daily now.
CJ
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Really at a loss today. Partially because I have to work tomorrow as well. If it holds true to form it might be a month until I do get a day off. My eating schedule is way off. Headaches are back. Sweet Tooth has kicked it up a notch. I have not taken my vitamins today and I can tell. No one knows the damage that that evil shite does to a body until one quits. NEWBIES. I know it sounds horrible. However, do not use this as an excuse to go back. Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. Well, using what this post or any other journal entry as an excuse would smell like a jalapeno, bean, cheese, egg infused butthole. So, just don't. Keep quitting. The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible.
Keep at it one day at a time brother. You are kicking ass and taking names. The future is bright, but there are some pains in getting here.
Thanks for sharing all of this with us. You'll look back on this soon and shake your head. Nicotine can suck it.
" The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible"
Perspectice. You gots it. Keep rolling over this stuff, man. Soon enough it's all just a speck in the rear view mirror. Rock on...
Really at a loss today. Partially because I have to work tomorrow as well. If it holds true to form it might be a month until I do get a day off. My eating schedule is way off. Headaches are back. Sweet Tooth has kicked it up a notch. I have not taken my vitamins today and I can tell. No one knows the damage that that evil shite does to a body until one quits. NEWBIES. I know it sounds horrible. However, do not use this as an excuse to go back. Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. Well, using what this post or any other journal entry as an excuse would smell like a jalapeno, bean, cheese, egg infused butthole. So, just don't. Keep quitting. The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible.
Keep at it one day at a time brother. You are kicking ass and taking names. The future is bright, but there are some pains in getting here.
Thanks for sharing all of this with us. You'll look back on this soon and shake your head. Nicotine can suck it.
" The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible"
Perspectice. You gots it. Keep rolling over this stuff, man. Soon enough it's all just a speck in the rear view mirror. Rock on...
Keep at it Kubiack. The fog wrapped its cloudy tendrils around my brain for months only giving me brief glimpses of the freedom I feel daily now.
CJ
Thanks guys. One day at a time. I couldnt do this if it wasn't for one day at a time. This morning was a minute by minute ordeal. Your Atypical Monday.
This is funny. So, this last week I pulled about 90 hours (just under) and I was so tired by the time I got home that I tried to flush the toilet with the light switch. HAHA! I kept staring at it wondering why the fu(k it isn't going down. LOL! Kept flipping the switch and nothing was happening. I was getting a head ache and was wondering why the lights kept flashing. Oh, geez.
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Really at a loss today. Partially because I have to work tomorrow as well. If it holds true to form it might be a month until I do get a day off. My eating schedule is way off. Headaches are back. Sweet Tooth has kicked it up a notch. I have not taken my vitamins today and I can tell. No one knows the damage that that evil shite does to a body until one quits. NEWBIES. I know it sounds horrible. However, do not use this as an excuse to go back. Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. Well, using what this post or any other journal entry as an excuse would smell like a jalapeno, bean, cheese, egg infused butthole. So, just don't. Keep quitting. The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible.
Keep at it one day at a time brother. You are kicking ass and taking names. The future is bright, but there are some pains in getting here.
Thanks for sharing all of this with us. You'll look back on this soon and shake your head. Nicotine can suck it.
" The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible"
Perspectice. You gots it. Keep rolling over this stuff, man. Soon enough it's all just a speck in the rear view mirror. Rock on...
Really at a loss today. Partially because I have to work tomorrow as well. If it holds true to form it might be a month until I do get a day off. My eating schedule is way off. Headaches are back. Sweet Tooth has kicked it up a notch. I have not taken my vitamins today and I can tell. No one knows the damage that that evil shite does to a body until one quits. NEWBIES. I know it sounds horrible. However, do not use this as an excuse to go back. Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. Well, using what this post or any other journal entry as an excuse would smell like a jalapeno, bean, cheese, egg infused butthole. So, just don't. Keep quitting. The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible.
Keep at it one day at a time brother. You are kicking ass and taking names. The future is bright, but there are some pains in getting here.
Thanks for sharing all of this with us. You'll look back on this soon and shake your head. Nicotine can suck it.
" The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible"
Perspectice. You gots it. Keep rolling over this stuff, man. Soon enough it's all just a speck in the rear view mirror. Rock on...
Keep at it Kubiack. The fog wrapped its cloudy tendrils around my brain for months only giving me brief glimpses of the freedom I feel daily now.
CJ
Thanks guys. One day at a time. I couldnt do this if it wasn't for one day at a time. This morning was a minute by minute ordeal. Your Atypical Monday.
This is funny. So, this last week I pulled about 90 hours (just under) and I was so tired by the time I got home that I tried to flush the toilet with the light switch. HAHA! I kept staring at it wondering why the fu(k it isn't going down. LOL! Kept flipping the switch and nothing was happening. I was getting a head ache and was wondering why the lights kept flashing. Oh, geez.
Gotta love the fog! I really did think i had brain damage and life was going to be that way, but still resolved to quit. It lasted a long time for me. Then, eventually things started to get so much better. Seriously, in unimaginable ways. Makes sense i guess, that i couldn't imagine it, because i had spent my adult life a slave to my addiction. Keep at it, this is how you beat it for good!
You have some of the best quitters I know in here supporting you!
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Really at a loss today. Partially because I have to work tomorrow as well. If it holds true to form it might be a month until I do get a day off. My eating schedule is way off. Headaches are back. Sweet Tooth has kicked it up a notch. I have not taken my vitamins today and I can tell. No one knows the damage that that evil shite does to a body until one quits. NEWBIES. I know it sounds horrible. However, do not use this as an excuse to go back. Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. Well, using what this post or any other journal entry as an excuse would smell like a jalapeno, bean, cheese, egg infused butthole. So, just don't. Keep quitting. The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible.
Keep at it one day at a time brother. You are kicking ass and taking names. The future is bright, but there are some pains in getting here.
Thanks for sharing all of this with us. You'll look back on this soon and shake your head. Nicotine can suck it.
" The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible"
Perspectice. You gots it. Keep rolling over this stuff, man. Soon enough it's all just a speck in the rear view mirror. Rock on...
Really at a loss today. Partially because I have to work tomorrow as well. If it holds true to form it might be a month until I do get a day off. My eating schedule is way off. Headaches are back. Sweet Tooth has kicked it up a notch. I have not taken my vitamins today and I can tell. No one knows the damage that that evil shite does to a body until one quits. NEWBIES. I know it sounds horrible. However, do not use this as an excuse to go back. Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. Well, using what this post or any other journal entry as an excuse would smell like a jalapeno, bean, cheese, egg infused butthole. So, just don't. Keep quitting. The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible.
Keep at it one day at a time brother. You are kicking ass and taking names. The future is bright, but there are some pains in getting here.
Thanks for sharing all of this with us. You'll look back on this soon and shake your head. Nicotine can suck it.
" The days that I feel amazing far outweigh the ones I feel horrible"
Perspectice. You gots it. Keep rolling over this stuff, man. Soon enough it's all just a speck in the rear view mirror. Rock on...
Keep at it Kubiack. The fog wrapped its cloudy tendrils around my brain for months only giving me brief glimpses of the freedom I feel daily now.
CJ
Thanks guys. One day at a time. I couldnt do this if it wasn't for one day at a time. This morning was a minute by minute ordeal. Your Atypical Monday.
This is funny. So, this last week I pulled about 90 hours (just under) and I was so tired by the time I got home that I tried to flush the toilet with the light switch. HAHA! I kept staring at it wondering why the fu(k it isn't going down. LOL! Kept flipping the switch and nothing was happening. I was getting a head ache and was wondering why the lights kept flashing. Oh, geez.
Gotta love the fog! I really did think i had brain damage and life was going to be that way, but still resolved to quit. It lasted a long time for me. Then, eventually things started to get so much better. Seriously, in unimaginable ways. Makes sense i guess, that i couldn't imagine it, because i had spent my adult life a slave to my addiction. Keep at it, this is how you beat it for good!
You have some of the best quitters I know in here supporting you!
This Sundays happenings with the Light Switch was because 90hrs in one week. But, yeah. Totally understand.
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Post day 50. I honestly didn't even realize that I had made it 50 days +. i am very grateful for every bodies support. The few times people have had to text me I am extremely grateful for. in my previous times of quitting the struggle was daily. However, with this, it has been a relative breeze (Not saying that withdrawals have been fun). This is purely a marking of a milestone for me. Not because I have never made it this far without it. But, I have never been this far in recovery.
Stay vigilante, stay strong, drink water.
Just for today, Self.
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Post day 50. I honestly didn't even realize that I had made it 50 days +. i am very grateful for every bodies support. The few times people have had to text me I am extremely grateful for. in my previous times of quitting the struggle was daily. However, with this, it has been a relative breeze (Not saying that withdrawals have been fun). This is purely a marking of a milestone for me. Not because I have never made it this far without it. But, I have never been this far in recovery.
Stay vigilante, stay strong, drink water.
Just for today, Self.
Looking good.... Real good.
Appreciate your help!
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Post day 50. I honestly didn't even realize that I had made it 50 days +. i am very grateful for every bodies support. The few times people have had to text me I am extremely grateful for. in my previous times of quitting the struggle was daily. However, with this, it has been a relative breeze (Not saying that withdrawals have been fun). This is purely a marking of a milestone for me. Not because I have never made it this far without it. But, I have never been this far in recovery.
Stay vigilante, stay strong, drink water.
Just for today, Self.
Looking good.... Real good.
Appreciate your help!
Congrats! Keep it up, you're owning your quit and nurturing some real quit strength. Good to celebrate every victory and milestone- you earn each one!
'party2' 'dance'
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Post day 50. I honestly didn't even realize that I had made it 50 days +. i am very grateful for every bodies support. The few times people have had to text me I am extremely grateful for. in my previous times of quitting the struggle was daily. However, with this, it has been a relative breeze (Not saying that withdrawals have been fun). This is purely a marking of a milestone for me. Not because I have never made it this far without it. But, I have never been this far in recovery.
Stay vigilante, stay strong, drink water.
Just for today, Self.
Looking good.... Real good.
Appreciate your help!
Congrats! Keep it up, you're owning your quit and nurturing some real quit strength. Good to celebrate every victory and milestone- you earn each one!
'party2' 'dance'
Nice 50!
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I understand anxiety. I understand wanting to be safe. I understand not wanting harassment. But, I also know that if your quit really means something to you, you will reach out. The very first thing I did after roll and after intro. was to reach out to Irish. Glad I did. So, here is an open invitation to all of you on this list. I am reaching out to you in an open forum. Ladies and Gentlemen. I can only keep what I can only give away.
AJ-3-21-15 -
Dyrssen3 -
ferguson2jb
Gazz -
gbrd2 -
Hockeyguy 617
NateCan
PD127
Shequits
Team Quitter
TEC -
Toma -
Tpetrone22
Wolf9
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Appreciate you bro. Quit on!
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Anyone that has been around me knows that trouble does follow me. I never cause it, I never instigate it. It just happens. Recently it has been at least kind enough to happen on a Sunday. This last Sunday was no different. It started off with me getting ready for work and about to head out the door. I looked at my kids (my dogs. I can't have human kids) and gave them one last pat on the head and told them I love them and see them after work. Looked at my oldest boy and his left eye is bleeding. I immediately lookup emergency hospitals and choose the one in Springdale, Ark because it was 10 miles closer than going to Tulsa. I get him there and he is seen rather quickly. I thought it was just a scratch on his eye and it just needed cleaned and some antibiotics. It turns out that is not the case. He had a ruptured ulcer in his eye and needed immediate surgery. Of course, no one nearby does that. I have to drive to Stillwater, Ok. because that is the nearest place that does the surgery. So, so far I have already driven 2 hours then an additional 3 hours on top of that. The hospital is going to cost me 1700. Sold some things and had the money for it. Left him there and my parents were going to pick him up the next day because I had to get back home almost 4 hours away. I get a call that surgery went very well and he is in an oxygen tent to help him relax and it is a bit more sterile. I get home and there are patrol cars at my house. It turns out that a place I stopped at to call for directions was being robbed while I was there in the parking lot. They had me on camera, my Jeep license plate. But, they never seen me go inside (I got out to stretch my legs). So, here it is 9pm. I am tired. Emotionally drained. And these cops are bugging me about why i was there in Springdale and they dont see my dog with me so they don't believe my story. Long story short. I spend the night in the hokey, I am missing my boy like crazy, I haven't been home to feed my other dogs and to check their water yet, and I am being questioned for a theft that they didnt even see me enter the business on the camera! I eventually got out (of course, hence why I am able to post). I am so tired and worn out. I can't say that I haven't thought about it. I contacted one of my quit buddies that isnt on this site because he is doing a 12 step in Tulsa. He took my mind off of everything that was going on with just simply saying "No matter what happens. You worry about right now. What you have to do right now. No matter what it is. This too shall pass." The simplest words at the right time. Meant the world to me. I called someone. Not everyone has the extended network of friends like I do. But, I called. The daily promise to myself and to all of you. It helps. It works. I am glad I did. Had i not. I would be saying Day 2 instead of day 58.
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Anyone that has been around me knows that trouble does follow me. I never cause it, I never instigate it. It just happens. Recently it has been at least kind enough to happen on a Sunday. This last Sunday was no different. It started off with me getting ready for work and about to head out the door. I looked at my kids (my dogs. I can't have human kids) and gave them one last pat on the head and told them I love them and see them after work. Looked at my oldest boy and his left eye is bleeding. I immediately lookup emergency hospitals and choose the one in Springdale, Ark because it was 10 miles closer than going to Tulsa. I get him there and he is seen rather quickly. I thought it was just a scratch on his eye and it just needed cleaned and some antibiotics. It turns out that is not the case. He had a ruptured ulcer in his eye and needed immediate surgery. Of course, no one nearby does that. I have to drive to Stillwater, Ok. because that is the nearest place that does the surgery. So, so far I have already driven 2 hours then an additional 3 hours on top of that. The hospital is going to cost me 1700. Sold some things and had the money for it. Left him there and my parents were going to pick him up the next day because I had to get back home almost 4 hours away. I get a call that surgery went very well and he is in an oxygen tent to help him relax and it is a bit more sterile. I get home and there are patrol cars at my house. It turns out that a place I stopped at to call for directions was being robbed while I was there in the parking lot. They had me on camera, my Jeep license plate. But, they never seen me go inside (I got out to stretch my legs). So, here it is 9pm. I am tired. Emotionally drained. And these cops are bugging me about why i was there in Springdale and they dont see my dog with me so they don't believe my story. Long story short. I spend the night in the hokey, I am missing my boy like crazy, I haven't been home to feed my other dogs and to check their water yet, and I am being questioned for a theft that they didnt even see me enter the business on the camera! I eventually got out (of course, hence why I am able to post). I am so tired and worn out. I can't say that I haven't thought about it. I contacted one of my quit buddies that isnt on this site because he is doing a 12 step in Tulsa. He took my mind off of everything that was going on with just simply saying "No matter what happens. You worry about right now. What you have to do right now. No matter what it is. This too shall pass." The simplest words at the right time. Meant the world to me. I called someone. Not everyone has the extended network of friends like I do. But, I called. The daily promise to myself and to all of you. It helps. It works. I am glad I did. Had i not. I would be saying Day 2 instead of day 58.
First off, happy birthday KA. Secondly, you made the right choice. Try to think long and hard what you would have gotten out of having that dip. Other than shitting on all your brethren in this house, seriously think about what it would have accomplished. Would it have made your dog heal quicker? Reduced your stress? Taken the cops off your doorstep? Nada. It would have done nothing but give you a better chance to lose your jaw, your teeth, or God forbid, your life. Good on you for making the right choice, but let's be honest, there wasn't even really a choice.
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Anyone that has been around me knows that trouble does follow me. I never cause it, I never instigate it. It just happens. Recently it has been at least kind enough to happen on a Sunday. This last Sunday was no different. It started off with me getting ready for work and about to head out the door. I looked at my kids (my dogs. I can't have human kids) and gave them one last pat on the head and told them I love them and see them after work. Looked at my oldest boy and his left eye is bleeding. I immediately lookup emergency hospitals and choose the one in Springdale, Ark because it was 10 miles closer than going to Tulsa. I get him there and he is seen rather quickly. I thought it was just a scratch on his eye and it just needed cleaned and some antibiotics. It turns out that is not the case. He had a ruptured ulcer in his eye and needed immediate surgery. Of course, no one nearby does that. I have to drive to Stillwater, Ok. because that is the nearest place that does the surgery. So, so far I have already driven 2 hours then an additional 3 hours on top of that. The hospital is going to cost me 1700. Sold some things and had the money for it. Left him there and my parents were going to pick him up the next day because I had to get back home almost 4 hours away. I get a call that surgery went very well and he is in an oxygen tent to help him relax and it is a bit more sterile. I get home and there are patrol cars at my house. It turns out that a place I stopped at to call for directions was being robbed while I was there in the parking lot. They had me on camera, my Jeep license plate. But, they never seen me go inside (I got out to stretch my legs). So, here it is 9pm. I am tired. Emotionally drained. And these cops are bugging me about why i was there in Springdale and they dont see my dog with me so they don't believe my story. Long story short. I spend the night in the hokey, I am missing my boy like crazy, I haven't been home to feed my other dogs and to check their water yet, and I am being questioned for a theft that they didnt even see me enter the business on the camera! I eventually got out (of course, hence why I am able to post). I am so tired and worn out. I can't say that I haven't thought about it. I contacted one of my quit buddies that isnt on this site because he is doing a 12 step in Tulsa. He took my mind off of everything that was going on with just simply saying "No matter what happens. You worry about right now. What you have to do right now. No matter what it is. This too shall pass." The simplest words at the right time. Meant the world to me. I called someone. Not everyone has the extended network of friends like I do. But, I called. The daily promise to myself and to all of you. It helps. It works. I am glad I did. Had i not. I would be saying Day 2 instead of day 58.
First off, happy birthday KA. Secondly, you made the right choice. Try to think long and hard what you would have gotten out of having that dip. Other than shitting on all your brethren in this house, seriously think about what it would have accomplished. Would it have made your dog heal quicker? Reduced your stress? Taken the cops off your doorstep? Nada. It would have done nothing but give you a better chance to lose your jaw, your teeth, or God forbid, your life. Good on you for making the right choice, but let's be honest, there wasn't even really a choice.
Absolutely right, Brother! Not going to let that 1.0 oz can rule my life. Not then and not today.
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Anyone that has been around me knows that trouble does follow me. I never cause it, I never instigate it. It just happens. Recently it has been at least kind enough to happen on a Sunday. This last Sunday was no different. It started off with me getting ready for work and about to head out the door. I looked at my kids (my dogs. I can't have human kids) and gave them one last pat on the head and told them I love them and see them after work. Looked at my oldest boy and his left eye is bleeding. I immediately lookup emergency hospitals and choose the one in Springdale, Ark because it was 10 miles closer than going to Tulsa. I get him there and he is seen rather quickly. I thought it was just a scratch on his eye and it just needed cleaned and some antibiotics. It turns out that is not the case. He had a ruptured ulcer in his eye and needed immediate surgery. Of course, no one nearby does that. I have to drive to Stillwater, Ok. because that is the nearest place that does the surgery. So, so far I have already driven 2 hours then an additional 3 hours on top of that. The hospital is going to cost me 1700. Sold some things and had the money for it. Left him there and my parents were going to pick him up the next day because I had to get back home almost 4 hours away. I get a call that surgery went very well and he is in an oxygen tent to help him relax and it is a bit more sterile. I get home and there are patrol cars at my house. It turns out that a place I stopped at to call for directions was being robbed while I was there in the parking lot. They had me on camera, my Jeep license plate. But, they never seen me go inside (I got out to stretch my legs). So, here it is 9pm. I am tired. Emotionally drained. And these cops are bugging me about why i was there in Springdale and they dont see my dog with me so they don't believe my story. Long story short. I spend the night in the hokey, I am missing my boy like crazy, I haven't been home to feed my other dogs and to check their water yet, and I am being questioned for a theft that they didnt even see me enter the business on the camera! I eventually got out (of course, hence why I am able to post). I am so tired and worn out. I can't say that I haven't thought about it. I contacted one of my quit buddies that isnt on this site because he is doing a 12 step in Tulsa. He took my mind off of everything that was going on with just simply saying "No matter what happens. You worry about right now. What you have to do right now. No matter what it is. This too shall pass." The simplest words at the right time. Meant the world to me. I called someone. Not everyone has the extended network of friends like I do. But, I called. The daily promise to myself and to all of you. It helps. It works. I am glad I did. Had i not. I would be saying Day 2 instead of day 58.
First off, happy birthday KA. Secondly, you made the right choice. Try to think long and hard what you would have gotten out of having that dip. Other than shitting on all your brethren in this house, seriously think about what it would have accomplished. Would it have made your dog heal quicker? Reduced your stress? Taken the cops off your doorstep? Nada. It would have done nothing but give you a better chance to lose your jaw, your teeth, or God forbid, your life. Good on you for making the right choice, but let's be honest, there wasn't even really a choice.
Absolutely right, Brother! Not going to let that 1.0 oz can rule my life. Not then and not today.
WOW. Such compasion. Much owner. Doge wub you. (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/72/85/b3/7285b30083314e6a86410af42477767d.jpg)
The police, on the other hand, owe you an apology. Chin up brother, better days ahead.
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Anyone that has been around me knows that trouble does follow me. I never cause it, I never instigate it. It just happens. Recently it has been at least kind enough to happen on a Sunday. This last Sunday was no different. It started off with me getting ready for work and about to head out the door. I looked at my kids (my dogs. I can't have human kids) and gave them one last pat on the head and told them I love them and see them after work. Looked at my oldest boy and his left eye is bleeding. I immediately lookup emergency hospitals and choose the one in Springdale, Ark because it was 10 miles closer than going to Tulsa. I get him there and he is seen rather quickly. I thought it was just a scratch on his eye and it just needed cleaned and some antibiotics. It turns out that is not the case. He had a ruptured ulcer in his eye and needed immediate surgery. Of course, no one nearby does that. I have to drive to Stillwater, Ok. because that is the nearest place that does the surgery. So, so far I have already driven 2 hours then an additional 3 hours on top of that. The hospital is going to cost me 1700. Sold some things and had the money for it. Left him there and my parents were going to pick him up the next day because I had to get back home almost 4 hours away. I get a call that surgery went very well and he is in an oxygen tent to help him relax and it is a bit more sterile. I get home and there are patrol cars at my house. It turns out that a place I stopped at to call for directions was being robbed while I was there in the parking lot. They had me on camera, my Jeep license plate. But, they never seen me go inside (I got out to stretch my legs). So, here it is 9pm. I am tired. Emotionally drained. And these cops are bugging me about why i was there in Springdale and they dont see my dog with me so they don't believe my story. Long story short. I spend the night in the hokey, I am missing my boy like crazy, I haven't been home to feed my other dogs and to check their water yet, and I am being questioned for a theft that they didnt even see me enter the business on the camera! I eventually got out (of course, hence why I am able to post). I am so tired and worn out. I can't say that I haven't thought about it. I contacted one of my quit buddies that isnt on this site because he is doing a 12 step in Tulsa. He took my mind off of everything that was going on with just simply saying "No matter what happens. You worry about right now. What you have to do right now. No matter what it is. This too shall pass." The simplest words at the right time. Meant the world to me. I called someone. Not everyone has the extended network of friends like I do. But, I called. The daily promise to myself and to all of you. It helps. It works. I am glad I did. Had i not. I would be saying Day 2 instead of day 58.
First off, happy birthday KA. Secondly, you made the right choice. Try to think long and hard what you would have gotten out of having that dip. Other than shitting on all your brethren in this house, seriously think about what it would have accomplished. Would it have made your dog heal quicker? Reduced your stress? Taken the cops off your doorstep? Nada. It would have done nothing but give you a better chance to lose your jaw, your teeth, or God forbid, your life. Good on you for making the right choice, but let's be honest, there wasn't even really a choice.
Absolutely right, Brother! Not going to let that 1.0 oz can rule my life. Not then and not today.
WOW. Such compasion. Much owner. Doge wub you. (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/72/85/b3/7285b30083314e6a86410af42477767d.jpg)
The police, on the other hand, owe you an apology. Chin up brother, better days ahead.
man, what a story. Keep hanging in there. Things get so much better as you go. Life's curveballs don't stop but overall freedom from that can and poison is amazing. You're breaking into the light already, clearly.
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Again. Just another piece of evidence that shows that it isnt 30 days and done. I am exceptionally depressed today. I don't have any reason to be, really. I have hit the water hard this morning already sucked down 50 oz of it in less than 2 hours. I have walked every where this morning rather than driving my cart to the places on the farm. First walk was 25 minutes from my office. I hoped that would de funk me. Been walking since 7a.m. I quit today. I quit this hour. I quit this minute. This very moment I quit. It never ceases to amaze me how therapeutic it is just to put something down on paper.
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Again. Just another piece of evidence that shows that it isnt 30 days and done. I am exceptionally depressed today. I don't have any reason to be, really. I have hit the water hard this morning already sucked down 50 oz of it in less than 2 hours. I have walked every where this morning rather than driving my cart to the places on the farm. First walk was 25 minutes from my office. I hoped that would de funk me. Been walking since 7a.m. I quit today. I quit this hour. I quit this minute. This very moment I quit. It never ceases to amaze me how therapeutic it is just to put something down on paper.
Stay strong kubiackalpha!
Congrats on day 66!
It gets better....... Lots better.
Let the engine (truth) pull the train.
The (emotional) caboose will follow!
Your right on track brother. ODAAT
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 534
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Again. Just another piece of evidence that shows that it isnt 30 days and done. I am exceptionally depressed today. I don't have any reason to be, really. I have hit the water hard this morning already sucked down 50 oz of it in less than 2 hours. I have walked every where this morning rather than driving my cart to the places on the farm. First walk was 25 minutes from my office. I hoped that would de funk me. Been walking since 7a.m. I quit today. I quit this hour. I quit this minute. This very moment I quit. It never ceases to amaze me how therapeutic it is just to put something down on paper.
Stay strong kubiackalpha!
Congrats on day 66!
It gets better....... Lots better.
Let the engine (truth) pull the train.
The (emotional) caboose will follow!
Your right on track brother. ODAAT
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 534
K, it's called "Post-acute withdrawal". I'm going through it too. Read about in my intro (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/11541810/4/) for more details. It won't make you feel any better, but at least you'll know you're "normal" (at least not any more focked up than the rest of us).
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Again. Just another piece of evidence that shows that it isnt 30 days and done. I am exceptionally depressed today. I don't have any reason to be, really. I have hit the water hard this morning already sucked down 50 oz of it in less than 2 hours. I have walked every where this morning rather than driving my cart to the places on the farm. First walk was 25 minutes from my office. I hoped that would de funk me. Been walking since 7a.m. I quit today. I quit this hour. I quit this minute. This very moment I quit. It never ceases to amaze me how therapeutic it is just to put something down on paper.
Stay strong kubiackalpha!
Congrats on day 66!
It gets better....... Lots better.
Let the engine (truth) pull the train.
The (emotional) caboose will follow!
Your right on track brother. ODAAT
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 534
K, it's called "Post-acute withdrawal". I'm going through it too. Read about in my intro (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/11541810/4/) for more details. It won't make you feel any better, but at least you'll know you're "normal" (at least not any more focked up than the rest of us).
I've been through several stages of depression all throughout my quit days. I do seem to feel like it is fewer and farther between, but can be aggravated by events in my life.
Hang in there and know it is only temporary.
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Again. Just another piece of evidence that shows that it isnt 30 days and done. I am exceptionally depressed today. I don't have any reason to be, really. I have hit the water hard this morning already sucked down 50 oz of it in less than 2 hours. I have walked every where this morning rather than driving my cart to the places on the farm. First walk was 25 minutes from my office. I hoped that would de funk me. Been walking since 7a.m. I quit today. I quit this hour. I quit this minute. This very moment I quit. It never ceases to amaze me how therapeutic it is just to put something down on paper.
Stay strong kubiackalpha!
Congrats on day 66!
It gets better....... Lots better.
Let the engine (truth) pull the train.
The (emotional) caboose will follow!
Your right on track brother. ODAAT
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 534
K, it's called "Post-acute withdrawal". I'm going through it too. Read about in my intro (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/11541810/4/) for more details. It won't make you feel any better, but at least you'll know you're "normal" (at least not any more focked up than the rest of us).
I've been through several stages of depression all throughout my quit days. I do seem to feel like it is fewer and farther between, but can be aggravated by events in my life.
Hang in there and know it is only temporary.
-
Again. Just another piece of evidence that shows that it isnt 30 days and done. I am exceptionally depressed today. I don't have any reason to be, really. I have hit the water hard this morning already sucked down 50 oz of it in less than 2 hours. I have walked every where this morning rather than driving my cart to the places on the farm. First walk was 25 minutes from my office. I hoped that would de funk me. Been walking since 7a.m. I quit today. I quit this hour. I quit this minute. This very moment I quit. It never ceases to amaze me how therapeutic it is just to put something down on paper.
Stay strong kubiackalpha!
Congrats on day 66!
It gets better....... Lots better.
Let the engine (truth) pull the train.
The (emotional) caboose will follow!
Your right on track brother. ODAAT
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 534
K, it's called "Post-acute withdrawal". I'm going through it too. Read about in my intro (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/11541810/4/) for more details. It won't make you feel any better, but at least you'll know you're "normal" (at least not any more focked up than the rest of us).
I've been through several stages of depression all throughout my quit days. I do seem to feel like it is fewer and farther between, but can be aggravated by events in my life.
Hang in there and know it is only temporary.
Thanks guys.
P.A.W.S. Yep. For sure.
I spent a little too much time in the sun today. I am hoping that it soon does it thing and give me a natural mood stabilizer boost.
This weekend I am going to angrily tear the carpet out of at least one bedroom and maybe the living room. Yes. I said angrily tear. I really do feel as if a physical draining will do some good. I also need someone to emotionally vomit to that wont judge. Wish i was still in contact with my therapist. Yes. Therapists have Therapists or Counselors have Counselors.
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So. Very. Tired. That is all.
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So. Very. Tired. That is all.
We all get tired. You're not special. Don't get pissed but I sincerely see a person that really feels sorry for himself. Take a deep breath look around you. Beauty everywhere! Now think of the blind man that wishes he could see what you just did. I guess what I'm trying to say is we have so much more to be thankful for than we do to complain about. There's always someone out there that is a whole lot worse off than you! Quit on! And smiling makes people beautiful, try it!
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So. Very. Tired. That is all.
We all get tired. You're not special. Don't get pissed but I sincerely see a person that really feels sorry for himself. Take a deep breath look around you. Beauty everywhere! Now think of the blind man that wishes he could see what you just did. I guess what I'm trying to say is we have so much more to be thankful for than we do to complain about. There's always someone out there that is a whole lot worse off than you! Quit on! And smiling makes people beautiful, try it!
I had to sit through an eight hour seminar on medical gas systems design for hospitals today. I need a nap. Do some deep meditation Kub, it'll freshen you right up.
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So. Very. Tired. That is all.
We all get tired. You're not special. Don't get pissed but I sincerely see a person that really feels sorry for himself. Take a deep breath look around you. Beauty everywhere! Now think of the blind man that wishes he could see what you just did. I guess what I'm trying to say is we have so much more to be thankful for than we do to complain about. There's always someone out there that is a whole lot worse off than you! Quit on! And smiling makes people beautiful, try it!
I had to sit through an eight hour seminar on medical gas systems design for hospitals today. I need a nap. Do some deep meditation Kub, it'll freshen you right up.
Not feeling sorry for myself at all. Quite the contrary. I am absolutely humble, grateful, and appreciative of everything I have. You kinda get that when you have been on the brink of death a few times. Not pissed. Just don't read into any of it. I was truly tired at that point. I released that demon that had me tired and I was back at it.
Irish. Oh, Geez. Dude. That sounds painful. I went to a seminar on the new Addiction Severity Index.....it was the old ASI....nothing more. Questions re arranged. It was pathetic.
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Do what you always did. Get what you always got.
I hear that phrase that came from a Polysubstance Addict. that is now clean and sober and has been for 15 years. He knew the last time he was busted he had to make a change. He had a brief view of light before his door got busted down. Ever so briefly he seen that the Jail had all his stuff in reserve, waiting for him whenever he came to "visit" . When I quit in March I as well had a brief view of the light. My smoke shop had me set up once a week. They knew when I was coming in and what my order was. 3 cans of Kayak Wintergreen, 20oz Dr. Pepper, One big fat cigar. I was stuck and i knew it. It helped me to make the decision I was flat broke and wasn't going to have any money for another 7 days. So, I made the decision. I quit. I haven't looked back. I don't regret it at all. I am happy with myself and the decision. Every day is a blessing for me anyways. So, why do I want to sully the blessing with tobacco. Life is hard enough as it is. why do I want to add the complication of nic? My friend is also a fan of the saying,'Keep it simple, stupid'.
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May has pretty much sucked. It has pretty much just rode my ass like a donkey on Viagra and Spanish fly. Don't get me wrong. Good things have happened. I finally talked my student loan people into buying me dinner before demanding a put out. A few other things are promising but I don't want to say anything out of fear of jinxing them.
Those of you in the June Platoon 2016 group know the bad and it just would hurt too much for me to type it out again.
I can't say I didn't think about using. I sure as fuck did think about using. Not going to lie about it. No sense in lying about it. I didn't cave. My promise to you is that I won't break weak. I take that promise very fucking seriously. I am committed to quitting daily. Saturday, I am having the procedure done. Don't worry if I don't post early and don't participate in the forums as I normally do. I will honestly post fairly late.
I have support going with me. He is a brother in quit. He is also the only person I know with legs long enough to kick me in my ass. All my hidey holes at my parents place have been cleaned out. My Jeep has been cleaned out. My dad has been told not to offer me any by both me and my mother. So, with all that in place I should be good. I do ask for one thing from all of you. Your prayers.
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May has pretty much sucked. It has pretty much just rode my ass like a donkey on Viagra and Spanish fly. Don't get me wrong. Good things have happened. I finally talked my student loan people into buying me dinner before demanding a put out. A few other things are promising but I don't want to say anything out of fear of jinxing them.
Those of you in the June Platoon 2016 group know the bad and it just would hurt too much for me to type it out again.
I can't say I didn't think about using. I sure as fuck did think about using. Not going to lie about it. No sense in lying about it. I didn't cave. My promise to you is that I won't break weak. I take that promise very fucking seriously. I am committed to quitting daily. Saturday, I am having the procedure done. Don't worry if I don't post early and don't participate in the forums as I normally do. I will honestly post fairly late.
I have support going with me. He is a brother in quit. He is also the only person I know with legs long enough to kick me in my ass. All my hidey holes at my parents place have been cleaned out. My Jeep has been cleaned out. My dad has been told not to offer me any by both me and my mother. So, with all that in place I should be good. I do ask for one thing from all of you. Your prayers.
Kubiackalpha, June is a new month and with it a big milestone for you. 100 days. The Hall of Fame. A very big congratulations on your achievement. I wanted to reach out to you as I remember you reaching out to me when I posted my intro. I appreciated it then and I really appreciate it now. All the bits and pieces of support help build our foundation to a strong quit. It's because of folks like you that this site is successful with helping addicts like us stay quit. We are all woven into the fabric that makes this place so strong. Celebrate 100 days clean. Wow. Keep leading the way for those of us behind ya Bro. Proud to be quit with you! Paul-san
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May has pretty much sucked. It has pretty much just rode my ass like a donkey on Viagra and Spanish fly. Don't get me wrong. Good things have happened. I finally talked my student loan people into buying me dinner before demanding a put out. A few other things are promising but I don't want to say anything out of fear of jinxing them.
Those of you in the June Platoon 2016 group know the bad and it just would hurt too much for me to type it out again.
I can't say I didn't think about using. I sure as fuck did think about using. Not going to lie about it. No sense in lying about it. I didn't cave. My promise to you is that I won't break weak. I take that promise very fucking seriously. I am committed to quitting daily. Saturday, I am having the procedure done. Don't worry if I don't post early and don't participate in the forums as I normally do. I will honestly post fairly late.
I have support going with me. He is a brother in quit. He is also the only person I know with legs long enough to kick me in my ass. All my hidey holes at my parents place have been cleaned out. My Jeep has been cleaned out. My dad has been told not to offer me any by both me and my mother. So, with all that in place I should be good. I do ask for one thing from all of you. Your prayers.
Kubiackalpha, June is a new month and with it a big milestone for you. 100 days. The Hall of Fame. A very big congratulations on your achievement. I wanted to reach out to you as I remember you reaching out to me when I posted my intro. I appreciated it then and I really appreciate it now. All the bits and pieces of support help build our foundation to a strong quit. It's because of folks like you that this site is successful with helping addicts like us stay quit. We are all woven into the fabric that makes this place so strong. Celebrate 100 days clean. Wow. Keep leading the way for those of us behind ya Bro. Proud to be quit with you! Paul-san
Congrats on your 100 days!
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Thank you guys! It means a lot to me.
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May has pretty much sucked. It has pretty much just rode my ass like a donkey on Viagra and Spanish fly. Don't get me wrong. Good things have happened. I finally talked my student loan people into buying me dinner before demanding a put out. A few other things are promising but I don't want to say anything out of fear of jinxing them.
Those of you in the June Platoon 2016 group know the bad and it just would hurt too much for me to type it out again.
I can't say I didn't think about using. I sure as fuck did think about using. Not going to lie about it. No sense in lying about it. I didn't cave. My promise to you is that I won't break weak. I take that promise very fucking seriously. I am committed to quitting daily. Saturday, I am having the procedure done. Don't worry if I don't post early and don't participate in the forums as I normally do. I will honestly post fairly late.
I have support going with me. He is a brother in quit. He is also the only person I know with legs long enough to kick me in my ass. All my hidey holes at my parents place have been cleaned out. My Jeep has been cleaned out. My dad has been told not to offer me any by both me and my mother. So, with all that in place I should be good. I do ask for one thing from all of you. Your prayers.
Kubiackalpha, June is a new month and with it a big milestone for you. 100 days. The Hall of Fame. A very big congratulations on your achievement. I wanted to reach out to you as I remember you reaching out to me when I posted my intro. I appreciated it then and I really appreciate it now. All the bits and pieces of support help build our foundation to a strong quit. It's because of folks like you that this site is successful with helping addicts like us stay quit. We are all woven into the fabric that makes this place so strong. Celebrate 100 days clean. Wow. Keep leading the way for those of us behind ya Bro. Proud to be quit with you! Paul-san
Congrats on your 100 days!
Bravo Kub! You've been through some kind of hell since I've known you. Your username should be Job. I pray that God loosens Her grip on your nuts and lets you enjoy life for a while.
Let's keep quitting on!!!
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Thank you!
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I started to think that I would get by June without a hitch. Maybe a small scratch, I would be ecstatic with that. Well. Nope. In one day. Mower broke, A/C went out, Flat Tire. One day at a time is all I can do. Just wonder why it didn't wait til Sunday to swat my balls with a bat. I am not whining. I am just venting. Thanks guys.
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First and most important, for those wondering. I have not used. A shit ton of fuckery has fallen on me. I know the old timers and even some of my fellow class of quitters thought I fell off the train. And, if I was in the shoes of my brethren I would think the same thing. But, alas, it is not. I have stayed strong despite it all. Posted when I could remember (yes. It is an issue). When there are times you question if you even know how to tie a shoe, memory is an issue. I won't bore anyone with the details. Lord knows there are quite a few. In the most simple description. I have a super bug that is resistant to all known medications. When it is active, it eats away muscle tissue. Only thing to treat this things is massive amounts of antibiotics and a few off label uses of medications. To go from busting it in the 120 degree weather working with soil and tending plants and what not to getting winded walking WalMart. The antibiotics wreak havoc on my memory. Daily, it is a fight. I write this for anyone. Me, you, that guy, this guy reading over my shoulder, and that booty that just swung its way in from of me. All nice and jiggly in those leggings. This is a really good day for me. Barely have any symptoms except getting winded in a short distance. No matter what guys and gals. Today is not the last day. No matter if it is or not. Get up, fight the shit, get some rest, fight the shit storm again. Eventually, this will shit storm its way and leave me blank faced and catatonic. Eventually, a pine box awaits me. But you know what. Fuck. That. I have been shot, stampeded, stabbed and left to bleed out, divorced, and a for the past 16 years fighting this shit. Newbies. This is nothing but a thing. No matter what problems you have, tobacco is another problem added to it. Don't let life beat you down. Old schoolers, thanks for setting up this way to freedom.
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First and most important, for those wondering. I have not used. A shit ton of fuckery has fallen on me. I know the old timers and even some of my fellow class of quitters thought I fell off the train. And, if I was in the shoes of my brethren I would think the same thing. But, alas, it is not. I have stayed strong despite it all. Posted when I could remember (yes. It is an issue). When there are times you question if you even know how to tie a shoe, memory is an issue. I won't bore anyone with the details. Lord knows there are quite a few. In the most simple description. I have a super bug that is resistant to all known medications. When it is active, it eats away muscle tissue. Only thing to treat this things is massive amounts of antibiotics and a few off label uses of medications. To go from busting it in the 120 degree weather working with soil and tending plants and what not to getting winded walking WalMart. The antibiotics wreak havoc on my memory. Daily, it is a fight. I write this for anyone. Me, you, that guy, this guy reading over my shoulder, and that booty that just swung its way in from of me. All nice and jiggly in those leggings. This is a really good day for me. Barely have any symptoms except getting winded in a short distance. No matter what guys and gals. Today is not the last day. No matter if it is or not. Get up, fight the shit, get some rest, fight the shit storm again. Eventually, this will shit storm its way and leave me blank faced and catatonic. Eventually, a pine box awaits me. But you know what. Fuck. That. I have been shot, stampeded, stabbed and left to bleed out, divorced, and a for the past 16 years fighting this shit. Newbies. This is nothing but a thing. No matter what problems you have, tobacco is another problem added to it. Don't let life beat you down. Old schoolers, thanks for setting up this way to freedom.
Good stuff brother. Keep up the fight. I'm going to post this in June 2016 for those who don't venture in here much.