KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: sensei on February 09, 2010, 11:28:00 AM
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I'm on day 5 of my quit after 22 years of daily skoal and grizzly. I found this place searching Google for help on quitting dip. I have only tried quitting one time and I lasted 2 weeks and caved in to some lame story. After reading a few stories here I knew I was in the right place, it was like reading my autobiography. I'm very excited to be here. I'm looking forward to living free.
Sensei is what my dipping friends call me, because I started all of them dipping. I'm ashamed of that now, but chose to use that name for leverage on my quit.
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I'm on day 5 of my quit after 22 years of daily skoal and grizzly. I found this place searching Google for help on quitting dip. I have only tried quitting one time and I lasted 2 weeks and caved in to some lame story. After reading a few stories here I knew I was in the right place, it was like reading my autobiography. I'm very excited to be here. I'm looking forward to living free.
Sensei is what my dipping friends call me, because I started all of them dipping. I'm ashamed of that now, but chose to use that name for leverage on my quit.
sensei,
Congrats on taking the step. Day 5 huh? Your already past the hardest part. The first 72 hours. I am on day 1 because I fell off the wagon awhile back. I wish you alot of luck and looks like we will be in the same group together. Lets kick the nic bitch! Life is much better without it!
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I'm on day 5 of my quit after 22 years of daily skoal and grizzly. I found this place searching Google for help on quitting dip. I have only tried quitting one time and I lasted 2 weeks and caved in to some lame story. After reading a few stories here I knew I was in the right place, it was like reading my autobiography. I'm very excited to be here. I'm looking forward to living free.
Sensei is what my dipping friends call me, because I started all of them dipping. I'm ashamed of that now, but chose to use that name for leverage on my quit.
Welcome....This is the place to become a sensei of quit young grasshoppa
Read read read and realize you ain't the only doomass in the world that got took in by a shiny object. Get involved, ask for help when you need it, offer help when asked. This is a brotherhood and all are invited and given respect.....do not take it lightly and realize the true worth of brothers that will do anything they can to help you fight this battle.
Eventually, you will offer help to others solidifying your own quit and taking control over your addition.
Post Roll early and faithfully......this is your vow that "For Today.....I will not have any nicotine"
Then keep your word......
let me know if i can help
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I'm on day 5 of my quit after 22 years of daily skoal and grizzly. I found this place searching Google for help on quitting dip. I have only tried quitting one time and I lasted 2 weeks and caved in to some lame story. After reading a few stories here I knew I was in the right place, it was like reading my autobiography. I'm very excited to be here. I'm looking forward to living free.
Sensei is what my dipping friends call me, because I started all of them dipping. I'm ashamed of that now, but chose to use that name for leverage on my quit.
Welcome....This is the place to become a sensei of quit young grasshoppa
Read read read and realize you ain't the only doomass in the world that got took in by a shiny object. Get involved, ask for help when you need it, offer help when asked. This is a brotherhood and all are invited and given respect.....do not take it lightly and realize the true worth of brothers that will do anything they can to help you fight this battle.
Eventually, you will offer help to others solidifying your own quit and taking control over your addition.
Post Roll early and faithfully......this is your vow that "For Today.....I will not have any nicotine"
Then keep your word......
let me know if i can help
Thanks for the welcome.
I just posted my first roll call to May group. No turning back now, let the battle begin... 'jedisith'
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I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.
This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.
The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.
The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.
We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.
I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.
How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.
What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.
Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit
-
I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.
This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.
The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.
The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.
We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.
I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.
How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.
What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.
Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit
'clap' Good stuff Sensei
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I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.
This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.
The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.
The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.
We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.
I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.
How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.
What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.
Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit
'clap' Good stuff Sensei
OUTSTANDING.
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I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.
This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.
The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.
The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.
We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.
I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.
How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.
What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.
Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit
'clap' Good stuff Sensei
OUTSTANDING.
NICE!
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I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.
This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.
The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.
The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.
We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.
I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.
How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.
What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.
Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit
'clap' Good stuff Sensei
OUTSTANDING.
NICE!
I like your total honesty. You won't believe how much quitting will make you humble you before your are done!!! It is all WORTH it to break free of this shit!!!! I look forward to seeing you hit HOF!!! You can and will do this!!! Congrats on your 21 days so far!!!!!!
-
I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.
This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.
The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.
The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.
We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.
I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.
How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.
What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.
Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit
'clap' Good stuff Sensei
OUTSTANDING.
NICE!
I like your total honesty. You won't believe how much quitting will make you humble you before your are done!!! It is all WORTH it to break free of this shit!!!! I look forward to seeing you hit HOF!!! You can and will do this!!! Congrats on your 21 days so far!!!!!!
im am with you sensei...lets kick this shit, i better see you in the roll call tomorrow
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I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.
This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.
The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.
The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.
We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.
I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.
How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.
What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.
Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit
'clap' Good stuff Sensei
OUTSTANDING.
NICE!
gawdamn dude
nice post. nice read.
reminds LOOT of LOOT
listen tho...if you start being overly agressive...see a doctor. ask LOOT about it...LOOT was a fuckin maniac for a long time. you ever feel like you are losing control...send LOOT a PM
done.
never again...for any reason.
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BTW...day 30 was the closest LOOT ever came to caving. forewarned is forskinned.
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I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.
This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.
The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.
The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.
We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.
I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.
How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.
What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.
Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit
'clap' Good stuff Sensei
OUTSTANDING.
NICE!
I like your total honesty. You won't believe how much quitting will make you humble you before your are done!!! It is all WORTH it to break free of this shit!!!! I look forward to seeing you hit HOF!!! You can and will do this!!! Congrats on your 21 days so far!!!!!!
im am with you sensei...lets kick this shit, i better see you in the roll call tomorrow
very.....well.....done
thank you for posting this and reminding me.....it took some time to realize....
i like me pretty good w/o cope and do not need it to help define me.
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Day 46
My developing revelation:
I rarely ever use the word hate. I think it is an extremely strong word that is used way too often and loosely for the power that it possesses. Not a day goes by that I don't hear the word being used in a phrase like "I hate when that happens", or "Don't you hate it when..." or "I hate that show". When I think of the word hate, I think of things like the enemy, bigotry, racism, or extreme violence. And today I can add something else to that list, my addiction.
I am deeply saddened that I allowed this to happen to me. When I think about the how or why of my addiction with a rational and nicotine-free oxygen-rich mind, I am compelled to realize a few things.
1. I nurtured this addiction daily for over 22 years. In that time I never went more than 15 hours without packing my lip with tobacco.
2. My habit became a relationship. This relationship grew very strong. Just as any relationship would when given 22 years of consistent daily attention.
3. This relationship had quietly grown to be THE most important relationship in my life. It became more important than my wife, my family, my friends; it even became more important than my life. That fucking sucks to admit, but it is the unadulterated truth.
4. When I realized that this relationship was not healthy and I wanted out, some emotions surfaced just like when any other intimate relationship is ending. There was some anxiety, grief, pain, jealousy, fear, and hatred.
I decided to quit years ago, in fact I decided to quit all the time when I was dipping. The idea was there for years, but my mistress kept lying to me saying that I couldn't do it and I wasn't strong enough. The reality is that she is still lying to me every day. I don't enjoy her company anymore, but she didn't take the break up easy and she is still trying to patch things up. She is still trying get back together. She is tenacious and doesn't seem to get the idea that I don't want her around anymore. I make a promise everyday that I am not going back to her, but she ignores me, and she continues to whisper in my ear. She tells me how great things will be, but I know itÂ’s a lie.
We were together for over 22 years. That is over 8030 days. How can I expect not to constantly think about something that I had a daily intimate relationship with for over 8000 days? Is it realistic or fair to expect some resentment and resistance over the next few months, years, even decades?
I want to say no, fuck that, I quit dipping and thatÂ’s itÂ… Leave me alone. DidnÂ’t you hear me? I said weÂ’re done; now go away and never come back.
If only it were that easy. IÂ’m learning it doesnÂ’t work like that.
So now I begin to feel the hatred and resentment build, not because I hate myself. I donÂ’t at all; in fact I love myself so much that I made the difficult decision to quit an unhealthy relationship. I am developing the strength to maintain that decision each and every day. The strength that is necessary to overcome repeated daily temptation from my past relationship.
Just like a warrior needs to develop a healthy hatred and pity for his enemy, I also need to develop a healthy hatred and pity of my past relationship. I think this is the strongest way for me to have continued, lifelong success. If I am successful then in about 8030 days I may have erased the memory of that tenacious mistress.
-
Day 46
My developing revelation:
I rarely ever use the word hate. I think it is an extremely strong word that is used way too often and loosely for the power that it possesses. Not a day goes by that I don't hear the word being used in a phrase like "I hate when that happens", or "Don't you hate it when..." or "I hate that show". When I think of the word hate, I think of things like the enemy, bigotry, racism, or extreme violence. And today I can add something else to that list, my addiction.
I am deeply saddened that I allowed this to happen to me. When I think about the how or why of my addiction with a rational and nicotine-free oxygen-rich mind, I am compelled to realize a few things.
1. I nurtured this addiction daily for over 22 years. In that time I never went more than 15 hours without packing my lip with tobacco.
2. My habit became a relationship. This relationship grew very strong. Just as any relationship would when given 22 years of consistent daily attention.
3. This relationship had quietly grown to be THE most important relationship in my life. It became more important than my wife, my family, my friends; it even became more important than my life. That fucking sucks to admit, but it is the unadulterated truth.
4. When I realized that this relationship was not healthy and I wanted out, some emotions surfaced just like when any other intimate relationship is ending. There was some anxiety, grief, pain, jealousy, fear, and hatred.
I decided to quit years ago, in fact I decided to quit all the time when I was dipping. The idea was there for years, but my mistress kept lying to me saying that I couldn't do it and I wasn't strong enough. The reality is that she is still lying to me every day. I don't enjoy her company anymore, but she didn't take the break up easy and she is still trying to patch things up. She is still trying get back together. She is tenacious and doesn't seem to get the idea that I don't want her around anymore. I make a promise everyday that I am not going back to her, but she ignores me, and she continues to whisper in my ear. She tells me how great things will be, but I know itÂ’s a lie.
We were together for over 22 years. That is over 8030 days. How can I expect not to constantly think about something that I had a daily intimate relationship with for over 8000 days? Is it realistic or fair to expect some resentment and resistance over the next few months, years, even decades?
I want to say no, fuck that, I quit dipping and thatÂ’s itÂ… Leave me alone. DidnÂ’t you hear me? I said weÂ’re done; now go away and never come back.
If only it were that easy. IÂ’m learning it doesnÂ’t work like that.
So now I begin to feel the hatred and resentment build, not because I hate myself. I donÂ’t at all; in fact I love myself so much that I made the difficult decision to quit an unhealthy relationship. I am developing the strength to maintain that decision each and every day. The strength that is necessary to overcome repeated daily temptation from my past relationship.
Just like a warrior needs to develop a healthy hatred and pity for his enemy, I also need to develop a healthy hatred and pity of my past relationship. I think this is the strongest way for me to have continued, lifelong success. If I am successful then in about 8030 days I may have erased the memory of that tenacious mistress.
Thank you for that sensei, that was an awesome read.
-
Day 46
My developing revelation:
I rarely ever use the word hate. I think it is an extremely strong word that is used way too often and loosely for the power that it possesses. Not a day goes by that I don't hear the word being used in a phrase like "I hate when that happens", or "Don't you hate it when..." or "I hate that show". When I think of the word hate, I think of things like the enemy, bigotry, racism, or extreme violence. And today I can add something else to that list, my addiction.
I am deeply saddened that I allowed this to happen to me. When I think about the how or why of my addiction with a rational and nicotine-free oxygen-rich mind, I am compelled to realize a few things.
1. I nurtured this addiction daily for over 22 years. In that time I never went more than 15 hours without packing my lip with tobacco.
2. My habit became a relationship. This relationship grew very strong. Just as any relationship would when given 22 years of consistent daily attention.
3. This relationship had quietly grown to be THE most important relationship in my life. It became more important than my wife, my family, my friends; it even became more important than my life. That fucking sucks to admit, but it is the unadulterated truth.
4. When I realized that this relationship was not healthy and I wanted out, some emotions surfaced just like when any other intimate relationship is ending. There was some anxiety, grief, pain, jealousy, fear, and hatred.
I decided to quit years ago, in fact I decided to quit all the time when I was dipping. The idea was there for years, but my mistress kept lying to me saying that I couldn't do it and I wasn't strong enough. The reality is that she is still lying to me every day. I don't enjoy her company anymore, but she didn't take the break up easy and she is still trying to patch things up. She is still trying get back together. She is tenacious and doesn't seem to get the idea that I don't want her around anymore. I make a promise everyday that I am not going back to her, but she ignores me, and she continues to whisper in my ear. She tells me how great things will be, but I know itÂ’s a lie.
We were together for over 22 years. That is over 8030 days. How can I expect not to constantly think about something that I had a daily intimate relationship with for over 8000 days? Is it realistic or fair to expect some resentment and resistance over the next few months, years, even decades?
I want to say no, fuck that, I quit dipping and thatÂ’s itÂ… Leave me alone. DidnÂ’t you hear me? I said weÂ’re done; now go away and never come back.
If only it were that easy. IÂ’m learning it doesnÂ’t work like that.
So now I begin to feel the hatred and resentment build, not because I hate myself. I donÂ’t at all; in fact I love myself so much that I made the difficult decision to quit an unhealthy relationship. I am developing the strength to maintain that decision each and every day. The strength that is necessary to overcome repeated daily temptation from my past relationship.
Just like a warrior needs to develop a healthy hatred and pity for his enemy, I also need to develop a healthy hatred and pity of my past relationship. I think this is the strongest way for me to have continued, lifelong success. If I am successful then in about 8030 days I may have erased the memory of that tenacious mistress.
Thank you for that sensei, that was an awesome read.
Very Very true... GREAT POST !!!
'clap'
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Day 62 - Excuses
One of the incongruencies that my quit has brought to light is my propensity to make excuses. I have found that people will argue for their limitations and make excuses to justify their total pussiness and I am no exception. I used to like to make excuses as to why I couldnÂ’t do something, whether that something was in my business, my marriage, or my quit.
I used to argue with myself for years about how I was going to quit right after I did “fill in the blank”. I mean, I can’t count the number of times that I would tell myself that I was going to quit right after the weekend, because I was going fishing and I wanted to dip the entire time I was fishing… Then I was done, I would quit. Or I’m going to quit right after my next camping trip, because there was no way I could go camping without a dip. The reality is, it didn’t matter what the activity was, I would make up some bullshit excuse as to why I couldn’t quit that day, but I certainly could quit right after said activity.
My point is that I would make up excuses and then argue and rationalize so that it was truth. The sad thing is, if I break down the word rationalize, it becomes rational – lies. That is exactly what I would do to myself. Make up what I thought were rational lies about why I was going to quit as soon as “fill in the blank” happens.
I took my final dip on Thursday February 4th 2010, I considered Friday the 5th my day 1. That was my first day without nicotine in over 22 years. Since that day I have turned the incongruencies of making excuses to the benefit of my life and health.
I now make excuses as to why I WILL NOT dip, why I must stay quit, why I must have truth, honesty and full disclosure in all of my relationships, I make excuses as to why I MUST post roll every day, excuses as to why I have to keep my daily PROMISE. Excuses as to why I must protect my integrity.
The only thing that really matters in my life is the relationships that I have with people. The quality of those relationships boils down to the integrity of my word. It takes a lifetime to develop integrity and a moment to destroy it, just ask Tiger Woods.
Since the day I joined KTC on February 8th 2010 I have never missed a roll call. Not a single one. I refuse to make an excuse that will allow me to miss the opportunity to share my promise with my community of quit brothers and sisters. Integrity is all we have here, there is no way I will forsake that, there is no way I will make an excuse to cave.
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Day 62 - Excuses
One of the incongruencies that my quit has brought to light is my propensity to make excuses. I have found that people will argue for their limitations and make excuses to justify their total pussiness and I am no exception. I used to like to make excuses as to why I couldnÂ’t do something, whether that something was in my business, my marriage, or my quit.
I used to argue with myself for years about how I was going to quit right after I did “fill in the blank”. I mean, I can’t count the number of times that I would tell myself that I was going to quit right after the weekend, because I was going fishing and I wanted to dip the entire time I was fishing… Then I was done, I would quit. Or I’m going to quit right after my next camping trip, because there was no way I could go camping without a dip. The reality is, it didn’t matter what the activity was, I would make up some bullshit excuse as to why I couldn’t quit that day, but I certainly could quit right after said activity.
My point is that I would make up excuses and then argue and rationalize so that it was truth. The sad thing is, if I break down the word rationalize, it becomes rational – lies. That is exactly what I would do to myself. Make up what I thought were rational lies about why I was going to quit as soon as “fill in the blank” happens.
I took my final dip on Thursday February 4th 2010, I considered Friday the 5th my day 1. That was my first day without nicotine in over 22 years. Since that day I have turned the incongruencies of making excuses to the benefit of my life and health.
I now make excuses as to why I WILL NOT dip, why I must stay quit, why I must have truth, honesty and full disclosure in all of my relationships, I make excuses as to why I MUST post roll every day, excuses as to why I have to keep my daily PROMISE. Excuses as to why I must protect my integrity.
The only thing that really matters in my life is the relationships that I have with people. The quality of those relationships boils down to the integrity of my word. It takes a lifetime to develop integrity and a moment to destroy it, just ask Tiger Woods.
Since the day I joined KTC on February 8th 2010 I have never missed a roll call. Not a single one. I refuse to make an excuse that will allow me to miss the opportunity to share my promise with my community of quit brothers and sisters. Integrity is all we have here, there is no way I will forsake that, there is no way I will make an excuse to cave.
These posts may be for you, sensei, but you're doing a fine job articulating some thoughts and feelings I think we all are, were or will be going through. Thank you. 'clap'
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Day 62 - Excuses
One of the incongruencies that my quit has brought to light is my propensity to make excuses. I have found that people will argue for their limitations and make excuses to justify their total pussiness and I am no exception. I used to like to make excuses as to why I couldnÂ’t do something, whether that something was in my business, my marriage, or my quit.
I used to argue with myself for years about how I was going to quit right after I did “fill in the blank”. I mean, I can’t count the number of times that I would tell myself that I was going to quit right after the weekend, because I was going fishing and I wanted to dip the entire time I was fishing… Then I was done, I would quit. Or I’m going to quit right after my next camping trip, because there was no way I could go camping without a dip. The reality is, it didn’t matter what the activity was, I would make up some bullshit excuse as to why I couldn’t quit that day, but I certainly could quit right after said activity.
My point is that I would make up excuses and then argue and rationalize so that it was truth. The sad thing is, if I break down the word rationalize, it becomes rational – lies. That is exactly what I would do to myself. Make up what I thought were rational lies about why I was going to quit as soon as “fill in the blank” happens.
I took my final dip on Thursday February 4th 2010, I considered Friday the 5th my day 1. That was my first day without nicotine in over 22 years. Since that day I have turned the incongruencies of making excuses to the benefit of my life and health.
I now make excuses as to why I WILL NOT dip, why I must stay quit, why I must have truth, honesty and full disclosure in all of my relationships, I make excuses as to why I MUST post roll every day, excuses as to why I have to keep my daily PROMISE. Excuses as to why I must protect my integrity.
The only thing that really matters in my life is the relationships that I have with people. The quality of those relationships boils down to the integrity of my word. It takes a lifetime to develop integrity and a moment to destroy it, just ask Tiger Woods.
Since the day I joined KTC on February 8th 2010 I have never missed a roll call. Not a single one. I refuse to make an excuse that will allow me to miss the opportunity to share my promise with my community of quit brothers and sisters. Integrity is all we have here, there is no way I will forsake that, there is no way I will make an excuse to cave.
These posts may be for you, sensei, but you're doing a fine job articulating some thoughts and feelings I think we all are, were or will be going through. Thank you. 'clap'
Great post my friend !!
'clap' 'clap'
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Day 62 - Excuses
One of the incongruencies that my quit has brought to light is my propensity to make excuses. I have found that people will argue for their limitations and make excuses to justify their total pussiness and I am no exception. I used to like to make excuses as to why I couldnÂ’t do something, whether that something was in my business, my marriage, or my quit.
I used to argue with myself for years about how I was going to quit right after I did “fill in the blank”. I mean, I can’t count the number of times that I would tell myself that I was going to quit right after the weekend, because I was going fishing and I wanted to dip the entire time I was fishing… Then I was done, I would quit. Or I’m going to quit right after my next camping trip, because there was no way I could go camping without a dip. The reality is, it didn’t matter what the activity was, I would make up some bullshit excuse as to why I couldn’t quit that day, but I certainly could quit right after said activity.
My point is that I would make up excuses and then argue and rationalize so that it was truth. The sad thing is, if I break down the word rationalize, it becomes rational – lies. That is exactly what I would do to myself. Make up what I thought were rational lies about why I was going to quit as soon as “fill in the blank” happens.
I took my final dip on Thursday February 4th 2010, I considered Friday the 5th my day 1. That was my first day without nicotine in over 22 years. Since that day I have turned the incongruencies of making excuses to the benefit of my life and health.
I now make excuses as to why I WILL NOT dip, why I must stay quit, why I must have truth, honesty and full disclosure in all of my relationships, I make excuses as to why I MUST post roll every day, excuses as to why I have to keep my daily PROMISE. Excuses as to why I must protect my integrity.
The only thing that really matters in my life is the relationships that I have with people. The quality of those relationships boils down to the integrity of my word. It takes a lifetime to develop integrity and a moment to destroy it, just ask Tiger Woods.
Since the day I joined KTC on February 8th 2010 I have never missed a roll call. Not a single one. I refuse to make an excuse that will allow me to miss the opportunity to share my promise with my community of quit brothers and sisters. Integrity is all we have here, there is no way I will forsake that, there is no way I will make an excuse to cave.
These posts may be for you, sensei, but you're doing a fine job articulating some thoughts and feelings I think we all are, were or will be going through. Thank you. 'clap'
Great post my friend !!
'clap' 'clap'
This is fucking brilliant my friend... you definitely "get it".
Bravo.
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Day 63 - Strength
There were not one but 2 cavers in July 2010 yesterday. It has me a little fired up and inspired to write my experiences. I aim to learn from each and every caver so that I can strengthen my quit. I notice that these caver put up NO FIGHT what so ever, they act like their cave just happened magically. Maybe this is a way of avoiding responsibility for ultimately being weak. All cavers are missing one thing.
When I am at the gym it is easy to recognize the difference in strength between people. Typically you can see the difference by the size of the personÂ’s muscles. But because I do Crossfit, I see something different. It is not uncommon the see smaller athletes with amazing strength. A lot of this is physical strength but much MORE of it is MENTAL strength. Some people are willing to endure more discomfort for their results and goals than others. As a result they have BETTER OUTCOMES than the athletes with less mental strength. Lance Armstrong is a great example of this. When asked what made him so dominant in the Tour de France he said that he could endure more pain and suffering than any other rider in the tour. He attributed that ability to his fight with cancer. He said, since I beat cancer, I can beat ANYTHING.
I am realizing that this is a metaphor for what I am experiencing here at KTC. Every few days or so I see someone cave, or someone return to the site that caved months or years ago and finally decided to return and take their lumps. I have seen people in their first few days and people who had 1000Â’s of days. I do my best to learn from each one of them.
I am very new here and new at quitting but have noticed some similarities to people’s caves. 1. All of them DECIDED to cave. During a moment of perceived weakness they made a decision to put dip in their mouth. 2. All of them apologize and say it will NEVER happen again, if only we will trust them. 3. All of them have an EXCUSE and that excuse sounded perfect to them at the time…. “I’ll only have one”.
The one thing every one of these cavers lack is STRENGTH. Just like Lance or what I see in the gym, there are some people who are willing to remain uncomfortable and endure pain to reach their desired outcome. Their GOAL is more important than the pain they feel and they will endure it at all costs to protect the goal. Then there are the other people who avoid work, avoid discomfort, avoid pain, but they still want the results. Well guess what, it aint gonna happen, not now, not ever.
Without consistently developing the strength to withstand the cravings, you are doomed to fail again and again and again. STRENGTH is most important when you don’t expect to need it. It doesn’t really matter that you can dead lift 500lbs in the gym until you need to lift a fallen tree off your injured friend in the woods. It doesn’t matter that you can post roll every day for hundreds of days until you are on an airplane sitting next to a “friend” who offers you a dip. Do you have the strength to overcome? Do you develop that strength daily?
Every day I post roll not only do I PROMISE not to use nicotine, I PROMISE to continue developing my MENTAL STRENGTH. Today I PROMISE that I will be stronger than this addiction. I will endure ANY discomfort or ANY pain that comes today because my GOAL is more important than any pain that this addiction can throw at me.
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Day 64 - Why quit?
My Top 10 reasons NOT to Dip Today
1. My daughter
2. Nothing in life is better with a dip
3. I own my freedom
4. I don't lie to my family
5. I function better without it
6. I keep my promises
7. I am better without dip
8. I feel amazingly healthy
9. I am stronger than this addiction
10. I choose not to
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What we need is "The Book of Quit" by Sensei.
Love reading your words buddy. You are an awesome quit brother!!
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Day 89 – My Personal Army
I realized today that I still constantly think about dipping. Pretty much from the time I wake up in the morning until I go to bed IÂ’m on and off thinking about dipping. Here is the strange thing thoughÂ… I donÂ’t want to dip at all, in fact I really only crave it maybe once a day. So I find myself asking, why am I thinking about something I donÂ’t want or desire? The only answer that comes is the fact that dipping was so ingrained in my day to day habit that my brain is still tripping out that IÂ’m not doing it.
One of the great things about KTC is the accumulated quit knowledge here. I read a lot of stories but I always look at it from my point of view asking what I can learn from this, how can I take their story and make my quit stronger? I learn as much or more from newbieÂ’s than I do from the vets.
As a result of doing that I find myself looking at my quit more objectively, itÂ’s almost like IÂ’m viewing it from the outside. So when a strong crave hits, I remember what happened to Kain22. When I start making excuses to myself I remember what happened to Chugg. When I start being a pussy and thinking that quitting is too hard, I think of WIP. When I think that I have this addiction beat, I think of Jack Sparrow. So 89 days into my nicotine free life I feel stronger, more resolved than ever.
I am absolutely certain that I will never dip again. DonÂ’t get me wrong, I am not naive enough to think that this addiction is beaten, solved, or cured. I what I AM saying is that I have chosen to never even consider dipping ever again. I have also chosen to make a long term commitment to posting roll here at KTC. In the short time I have been around I have noticed that the folks who stay engaged and post roll daily, keep their quit. The folks that donÂ’t will eventually fail.
Addiction is a very cleaver opponent, never can it be underestimated, never can it be overlooked, and never can it be taken lightly. With my personal quit army the size of KTC, this opponent doesnÂ’t stand a snowballÂ’s chance in hell of defeating me. I am freeÂ….forever.
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Great Post !! With that attitude you can bet the NIC bitch does not stand a snowballs chance in hell !!
'clap'
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Day 96 - Decisions
Have you ever had the experience of not being able to make a decision? I have for sure, but over the years I realized that the times I could not make a decision was because I was not clear of my own personal values. Now there is a difference between not WANTING to make a decision and not ABLE to make a decision. When I know my own personal values, then making decisions becomes very easy.
Here is an example. If I know my own personal values are to BE happy, healthy, loving, honest, and trustworthy. Then when I am faced with a decision all I do is match that decision with my values. If they support or bring me closer to my values then I agree. If they do not support my values then I disagree.
When it came to the decision to quit chewing tobacco, the process I use was consistently derailed. I knew that chewing went against every one of my personal values. It did not make me happy, healthy, loving, honest, or trustworthy. In fact it did exactly the opposite, but I allowed the addiction to keep control over me for a long time. Make no mistake, addiction is POWERFUL.
Looking back now, I can see that I wasnÂ’t truly ready to make the decision to quit because I did not have the proper support group in place, I did not know about KTC. Had I made the decision any earlier, I would have been doomed to failure because I would not have had any consistent support structure.
If youÂ’re reading this, you have found the support necessary to quit, now you just need to compare your personal values with your addiction to nicotine. If they match up, youÂ’re in the wrong place. If packing your lip is NOT consistent with your personal values then the decision should be easy, welcome home.
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Day 96 - Decisions
Have you ever had the experience of not being able to make a decision? I have for sure, but over the years I realized that the times I could not make a decision was because I was not clear of my own personal values. Now there is a difference between not WANTING to make a decision and not ABLE to make a decision. When I know my own personal values, then making decisions becomes very easy.
Here is an example. If I know my own personal values are to BE happy, healthy, loving, honest, and trustworthy. Then when I am faced with a decision all I do is match that decision with my values. If they support or bring me closer to my values then I agree. If they do not support my values then I disagree.
When it came to the decision to quit chewing tobacco, the process I use was consistently derailed. I knew that chewing went against every one of my personal values. It did not make me happy, healthy, loving, honest, or trustworthy. In fact it did exactly the opposite, but I allowed the addiction to keep control over me for a long time. Make no mistake, addiction is POWERFUL.
Looking back now, I can see that I wasnÂ’t truly ready to make the decision to quit because I did not have the proper support group in place, I did not know about KTC. Had I made the decision any earlier, I would have been doomed to failure because I would not have had any consistent support structure.
If youÂ’re reading this, you have found the support necessary to quit, now you just need to compare your personal values with your addiction to nicotine. If they match up, youÂ’re in the wrong place. If packing your lip is NOT consistent with your personal values then the decision should be easy, welcome home.
Excellent post words of wisdom never spoken better!!
I have thought the same before.
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Day 96 - Decisions
Have you ever had the experience of not being able to make a decision? I have for sure, but over the years I realized that the times I could not make a decision was because I was not clear of my own personal values. Now there is a difference between not WANTING to make a decision and not ABLE to make a decision. When I know my own personal values, then making decisions becomes very easy.
Here is an example. If I know my own personal values are to BE happy, healthy, loving, honest, and trustworthy. Then when I am faced with a decision all I do is match that decision with my values. If they support or bring me closer to my values then I agree. If they do not support my values then I disagree.
When it came to the decision to quit chewing tobacco, the process I use was consistently derailed. I knew that chewing went against every one of my personal values. It did not make me happy, healthy, loving, honest, or trustworthy. In fact it did exactly the opposite, but I allowed the addiction to keep control over me for a long time. Make no mistake, addiction is POWERFUL.
Looking back now, I can see that I wasnÂ’t truly ready to make the decision to quit because I did not have the proper support group in place, I did not know about KTC. Had I made the decision any earlier, I would have been doomed to failure because I would not have had any consistent support structure.
If youÂ’re reading this, you have found the support necessary to quit, now you just need to compare your personal values with your addiction to nicotine. If they match up, youÂ’re in the wrong place. If packing your lip is NOT consistent with your personal values then the decision should be easy, welcome home.
Excellent post words of wisdom never spoken better!!
I have thought the same before.
Agreed,
Very nicely said
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Day 96 - Decisions
Have you ever had the experience of not being able to make a decision? I have for sure, but over the years I realized that the times I could not make a decision was because I was not clear of my own personal values. Now there is a difference between not WANTING to make a decision and not ABLE to make a decision. When I know my own personal values, then making decisions becomes very easy.
Here is an example. If I know my own personal values are to BE happy, healthy, loving, honest, and trustworthy. Then when I am faced with a decision all I do is match that decision with my values. If they support or bring me closer to my values then I agree. If they do not support my values then I disagree.
When it came to the decision to quit chewing tobacco, the process I use was consistently derailed. I knew that chewing went against every one of my personal values. It did not make me happy, healthy, loving, honest, or trustworthy. In fact it did exactly the opposite, but I allowed the addiction to keep control over me for a long time. Make no mistake, addiction is POWERFUL.
Looking back now, I can see that I wasnÂ’t truly ready to make the decision to quit because I did not have the proper support group in place, I did not know about KTC. Had I made the decision any earlier, I would have been doomed to failure because I would not have had any consistent support structure.
If youÂ’re reading this, you have found the support necessary to quit, now you just need to compare your personal values with your addiction to nicotine. If they match up, youÂ’re in the wrong place. If packing your lip is NOT consistent with your personal values then the decision should be easy, welcome home.
Excellent post words of wisdom never spoken better!!
I have thought the same before.
Agreed,
Very nicely said
*bows*
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What we need is "The Book of Quit" by Sensei.
Love reading your words buddy. You are an awesome quit brother!!
He is definitely an awesome quitter! Not only that....He helped me get pictures of my giant awesome fish on the outdoors section! Thanks Sensei! Martin takes an honor filled bow!!
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Day 63 - Strength
There were not one but 2 cavers in July 2010 yesterday. It has me a little fired up and inspired to write my experiences. I aim to learn from each and every caver so that I can strengthen my quit. I notice that these caver put up NO FIGHT what so ever, they act like their cave just happened magically. Maybe this is a way of avoiding responsibility for ultimately being weak. All cavers are missing one thing.
When I am at the gym it is easy to recognize the difference in strength between people. Typically you can see the difference by the size of the personÂ’s muscles. But because I do Crossfit, I see something different. It is not uncommon the see smaller athletes with amazing strength. A lot of this is physical strength but much MORE of it is MENTAL strength. Some people are willing to endure more discomfort for their results and goals than others. As a result they have BETTER OUTCOMES than the athletes with less mental strength. Lance Armstrong is a great example of this. When asked what made him so dominant in the Tour de France he said that he could endure more pain and suffering than any other rider in the tour. He attributed that ability to his fight with cancer. He said, since I beat cancer, I can beat ANYTHING.
I am realizing that this is a metaphor for what I am experiencing here at KTC. Every few days or so I see someone cave, or someone return to the site that caved months or years ago and finally decided to return and take their lumps. I have seen people in their first few days and people who had 1000Â’s of days. I do my best to learn from each one of them.
I am very new here and new at quitting but have noticed some similarities to people’s caves. 1. All of them DECIDED to cave. During a moment of perceived weakness they made a decision to put dip in their mouth. 2. All of them apologize and say it will NEVER happen again, if only we will trust them. 3. All of them have an EXCUSE and that excuse sounded perfect to them at the time…. “I’ll only have one”.
The one thing every one of these cavers lack is STRENGTH. Just like Lance or what I see in the gym, there are some people who are willing to remain uncomfortable and endure pain to reach their desired outcome. Their GOAL is more important than the pain they feel and they will endure it at all costs to protect the goal. Then there are the other people who avoid work, avoid discomfort, avoid pain, but they still want the results. Well guess what, it aint gonna happen, not now, not ever.
Without consistently developing the strength to withstand the cravings, you are doomed to fail again and again and again. STRENGTH is most important when you don’t expect to need it. It doesn’t really matter that you can dead lift 500lbs in the gym until you need to lift a fallen tree off your injured friend in the woods. It doesn’t matter that you can post roll every day for hundreds of days until you are on an airplane sitting next to a “friend” who offers you a dip. Do you have the strength to overcome? Do you develop that strength daily?
Every day I post roll not only do I PROMISE not to use nicotine, I PROMISE to continue developing my MENTAL STRENGTH. Today I PROMISE that I will be stronger than this addiction. I will endure ANY discomfort or ANY pain that comes today because my GOAL is more important than any pain that this addiction can throw at me.
Loving it, well said. I wish I could express myself as easily as you. Thatta boy.
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sensei, I'm honored to be in your quit group, brother. You are an insightful commentator into the human condition...specifically the "quit" humans! Thank you for documenting your reflections for posterity.
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Day 102 – Reflecting
I woke up this morning and I realized that I had a dip dream last night. It felt like a dream of a dream. I could remember that I was dipping in the dream, but I couldnÂ’t remember the dream itself. When trying to recall the dream it felt like a vague distant memory.
Saturday morning I hit the hall of fame, 100 days quit. I have not been nicotine free since I was 11 or 12 years old when I decided it would be cool to smoke cigarettes. By the time I got to high school, smoking wasnÂ’t cool and if I wanted to get laid then I was going to have to pick a different habit. Enter dip, the master nicotine delivery system. I could pack a small bit of dip in the back of my vestibule and nobody would know. Now I could dip while in class all day and the chicks would never know. It worked, I got laid all the time in high school and except for my close friends nobody knew I dipped. This pattern continued through college, grad school, and the first 8 years of my career.
I consider myself very lucky, I still have all of my teeth, my health, a fantastic career, a beautiful wife, and a brand new baby girl who is quite possibly the cutest baby ever created in the history of the human race.
When I reflect back on the amount of tobacco that I used, the money wasted, and the amount of lies to my family, I realize how lucky I really am. Not only am I lucky to have my teeth, career, wife and baby. I am lucky to be alive. Quitting in and of itself, has nothing to do with luck, it takes and solid DECISION and continued daily DEDICATION to that decision.
What does all this have to do with a dip dream? Well this weekend I had the strongest craving for dip since the first few days of my quit. I was thinking about it constantly all weekend, I was constantly agitated by the desire for it and actually had the thought of driving to the store for a can. I just laughed it off, but it reminded me of how TENACIOUS this addiction is. This addiction is sneaky, powerful, and should NEVER be taken lightly. The reason I can laugh at the thought of driving to the store for a can is because I NEVER let my guard down. I am prepared 24/7 with a quit plan and my personal army of quitters here at KTC.
So it was no surprise that I had a dip dream last night, in fact, I expected it. On day 46 I described this addiction as a relationship, and last night was an example of The Mistress whispering in my ear, she was crying, begging me to return to her, to give her another chance. I just laughed; my decision has already been made and she has no chance because IÂ’ve moved on.
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Day 102 – Reflecting
I woke up this morning and I realized that I had a dip dream last night. It felt like a dream of a dream. I could remember that I was dipping in the dream, but I couldnÂ’t remember the dream itself. When trying to recall the dream it felt like a vague distant memory.
Saturday morning I hit the hall of fame, 100 days quit. I have not been nicotine free since I was 11 or 12 years old when I decided it would be cool to smoke cigarettes. By the time I got to high school, smoking wasnÂ’t cool and if I wanted to get laid then I was going to have to pick a different habit. Enter dip, the master nicotine delivery system. I could pack a small bit of dip in the back of my vestibule and nobody would know. Now I could dip while in class all day and the chicks would never know. It worked, I got laid all the time in high school and except for my close friends nobody knew I dipped. This pattern continued through college, grad school, and the first 8 years of my career.
I consider myself very lucky, I still have all of my teeth, my health, a fantastic career, a beautiful wife, and a brand new baby girl who is quite possibly the cutest baby ever created in the history of the human race.
When I reflect back on the amount of tobacco that I used, the money wasted, and the amount of lies to my family, I realize how lucky I really am. Not only am I lucky to have my teeth, career, wife and baby. I am lucky to be alive. Quitting in and of itself, has nothing to do with luck, it takes and solid DECISION and continued daily DEDICATION to that decision.
What does all this have to do with a dip dream? Well this weekend I had the strongest craving for dip since the first few days of my quit. I was thinking about it constantly all weekend, I was constantly agitated by the desire for it and actually had the thought of driving to the store for a can. I just laughed it off, but it reminded me of how TENACIOUS this addiction is. This addiction is sneaky, powerful, and should NEVER be taken lightly. The reason I can laugh at the thought of driving to the store for a can is because I NEVER let my guard down. I am prepared 24/7 with a quit plan and my personal army of quitters here at KTC.
So it was no surprise that I had a dip dream last night, in fact, I expected it. On day 46 I described this addiction as a relationship, and last night was an example of The Mistress whispering in my ear, she was crying, begging me to return to her, to give her another chance. I just laughed; my decision has already been made and she has no chance because IÂ’ve moved on.
I like it. :ph43r:
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Day 153
I returned from July 4th weekend where I went camping in the mountains with the family. This was the first time I have been camping without dip in over 22 years.
I realized a few things.
1. I can set up a campsite without a dip
2. I can build a raging campfire without a dip
3. I can cook on charcoal without a dip
4. Camping was just as fun without a dip
Looking back I understand that life is so much better without dip. I did not once have to worry if I brought enough cans to make it through the weekend. I didn't stress if I forgot my can when I went on a hike or when I left the campsite.
I think I will stay quit, I like my life better this way.
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Day 153
I returned from July 4th weekend where I went camping in the mountains with the family. This was the first time I have been camping without dip in over 22 years.
I realized a few things.
1. I can set up a campsite without a dip
2. I can build a raging campfire without a dip
3. I can cook on charcoal without a dip
4. Camping was just as fun without a dip
Looking back I understand that life is so much better without dip. I did not once have to worry if I brought enough cans to make it through the weekend. I didn't stress if I forgot my can when I went on a hike or when I left the campsite.
I think I will stay quit, I like my life better this way.
I would have to agree with you Sensei. The more +1's I add the more I like the new me.
I look at dippers now and wonder how the hell I ever did that. What a nasty fucking habit. If it is OK with you I will just stay quit too....
Great Post !!
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I am so glad Sensci's post was bumped. His words need to be read by all new quitters and soon to be quitters.
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Day 179
So this Wednesday will mark six months since I packed a wedge of death in my face. I will admit that I would not have made it this far without this circus of webfolks here at KTC. Posting roll has become a ritual in my life, I have not missed a single day since I quit. Regardless of travel, work, vacation, or memory lapse I always seem to find the 30 seconds each day to post my promise. You could say that I replaced my dip habit with a posting roll habit.
I like to periodically reflect on things that have changed since I quit that worthless habit on February 5th and here are a few of my favorites:
1. My cock got bigger
2. I get a boner when the wind blows
3. I'm really horny all the time
4. My wife smiles a lot more
In addition to these fine qualities I noticed these bonuses:
1. I physically save $35.00 cash every Friday which is now $885.00
2. I am not a slave to the can
3. I like myself a lot more
4. My wife likes me a lot more
Yes; I still think about dip, I still crave dip, but it feels like a distant memory. I am stronger than this addiction and I will continue to fight for what is important in my life. I am winning the fight one day at a time and it gets better and better everyday.
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Day 179
So this Wednesday will mark six months since I packed a wedge of death in my face. I will admit that I would not have made it this far without this circus of webfolks here at KTC. Posting roll has become a ritual in my life, I have not missed a single day since I quit. Regardless of travel, work, vacation, or memory lapse I always seem to find the 30 seconds each day to post my promise. You could say that I replaced my dip habit with a posting roll habit.
I like to periodically reflect on things that have changed since I quit that worthless habit on February 5th and here are a few of my favorites:
1. My cock got bigger
2. I get a boner when the wind blows
3. I'm really horny all the time
4. My wife smiles a lot more
In addition to these fine qualities I noticed these bonuses:
1. I physically save $35.00 cash every Friday which is now $885.00
2. I am not a slave to the can
3. I like myself a lot more
4. My wife likes me a lot more
Yes; I still think about dip, I still crave dip, but it feels like a distant memory. I am stronger than this addiction and I will continue to fight for what is important in my life. I am winning the fight one day at a time and it gets better and better everyday.
Dude that's awesome
I gotta say. It seems like I never get enough now. I am not quite as spry as I was in highschool but not to fucking far from it lol.
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Sensei's guide to a successful quit.
I woke up this morning and was giving thanks to God for all the blessings in my life just like I do every morning and I was reminded just how grateful I am for having the daily strength to beat this addiction.
I thought about my quit and specifically about the behaviors and attitudes necessary for my quit to be a success. Quitting can be a fragile thing, I understand that I am one dip away from a can a day habit, but I persevere one day at a time.
By no means am I an expert, I am battling an addiction just like everyone here. I thought I would share in the hope that these will resonate with someone and help them in their battle.
The Four Absolute Necessities:
1. Make the decision to quit.
2. Make a promise not to use tobacco today.
3. Be a man and keep your promise.
4. Repeat steps 1-3 daily.
After I do step 1-3, I did these and my quit became significantly easier:
1. I Decided that I am stronger than this addiction.
2. I decided that I would NEVER use tobacco ever again....Ever
3. I Stayed away from known triggers like alcohol for over 100 days.
4. I significantly limited my time with friends who dip for over 100 days
Lastly, I decided that nothing in my life was better with dip and everything is better without it. When a strong craving comes, I remember these last four attitudes and the promise I made. If it take it seriously, I get through the craving every time.
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Sensei's guide to a successful quit.
I woke up this morning and was giving thanks to God for all the blessings in my life just like I do every morning and I was reminded just how grateful I am for having the daily strength to beat this addiction.
I thought about my quit and specifically about the behaviors and attitudes necessary for my quit to be a success. Quitting can be a fragile thing, I understand that I am one dip away from a can a day habit, but I persevere one day at a time.
By no means am I an expert, I am battling an addiction just like everyone here. I thought I would share in the hope that these will resonate with someone and help them in their battle.
The Four Absolute Necessities:
1. Make the decision to quit.
2. Make a promise not to use tobacco today.
3. Be a man and keep your promise.
4. Repeat steps 1-3 daily.
After I do step 1-3, I did these and my quit became significantly easier:
1. I Decided that I am stronger than this addiction.
2. I decided that I would NEVER use tobacco ever again....Ever
3. I Stayed away from known triggers like alcohol for over 100 days.
4. I significantly limited my time with friends who dip for over 100 days
Lastly, I decided that nothing in my life was better with dip and everything is better without it. When a strong craving comes, I remember these last four attitudes and the promise I made. If it take it seriously, I get through the craving every time.
Good stuff Sensei. Very simple concepts that work very well, once a quitter sees the light.
I personally think that too many quitters don't take #3 on your list of necessities as serious as is required to maintain a strong quit. A person has to have a strong faith and belief in the methods that are taught here at KTC. Accountability that brotherhood provides doesn't mean squat if you have NO INTEGRITY, and are untrustworthy. You have to give a damn about yourself and the man next to you.
It was affirming to read your thoughts, and it strengthened my resolve. Hopefully many new quitters heed your words. Keep up the strong quit.
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Day 200
Ding-Ding as the elevator door opens on the second floor. I peek out the door and look around and see a clean room with a couple windows and a decent view. I have a choice to make, do I get off here on the second floor to enjoy the fruit of my labor or do I stay on the elevator, keep working and go to the next floor where the view is even better?
Ding-Ding, next stop is the third floor... I'm staying on the elevator.
Without the accountability of KTC I doubt that I would have stayed quit this long. However KTC doesn't mean shit if I don't honor my own word, and keep my promise every day.
I strengthen my own self worth and integrity every day that I post roll and keep my promise.
Life is awesome without dip, I don't answer to the can anymore. Sure I still feel the light tug and soft whispers of the mistress, but I am stronger that this addiction and I continue to get stronger every day.
For you newbie's, stay the course...Quitting is paradise, I promise.
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I am so glad Sensci's post was bumped. His words need to be read by all new quitters and soon to be quitters.
Mike - I am so glad you posted so i can look at your avatar.
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Day 269
Had a vivid dip dream last night, I haven't had one in 5+ months but t was every bit as real as the ones I had early on.
Glad to be quit this Halloween.
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I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.
This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.
The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.
The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.
We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.
I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.
How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.
What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.
Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit
'clap' Good stuff Sensei
OUTSTANDING.
NICE!
I like your total honesty. You won't believe how much quitting will make you humble you before your are done!!! It is all WORTH it to break free of this shit!!!! I look forward to seeing you hit HOF!!! You can and will do this!!! Congrats on your 21 days so far!!!!!!
im am with you sensei...lets kick this shit, i better see you in the roll call tomorrow
very.....well.....done
thank you for posting this and reminding me.....it took some time to realize....
i like me pretty good w/o cope and do not need it to help define me.
nicely done post!
However, you lost me on the boiled frog reference....wtf?
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I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.
This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.
The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.
The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.
We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.
I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.
How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.
What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.
Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit
'clap' Good stuff Sensei
OUTSTANDING.
NICE!
I like your total honesty. You won't believe how much quitting will make you humble you before your are done!!! It is all WORTH it to break free of this shit!!!! I look forward to seeing you hit HOF!!! You can and will do this!!! Congrats on your 21 days so far!!!!!!
im am with you sensei...lets kick this shit, i better see you in the roll call tomorrow
very.....well.....done
thank you for posting this and reminding me.....it took some time to realize....
i like me pretty good w/o cope and do not need it to help define me.
nicely done post!
However, you lost me on the boiled frog reference....wtf?
Thank man, at the time I wrote that we were having a discussion about in our group about how we got ourselves in this mess (addicted to nicotine). The metaphor of the boiled frog was being used. The premise is that if a frog is placed in boiling water, it will jump out, but if it is placed in cold water that is slowly heated, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death. It is used as a metaphor for the inability of people to react to significant changes that occur gradually.
So in a way we as nicotine addicts are all boiled frogs because we did not or could not react to the gradual changes that occurred in our life that lead us to spend tens of thousands of dollars, waste years of our lives and try our best to kill ourselves all for the sake of dipping.
Hope that explains it, thanks for reading.
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Day 300
I just returned from vacation for Thanksgiving. I took the wife and 8 month old daughter to Cabo San Lucas for the week. It was 85 degrees and perfect, we all had a great time. Looking back I realize that this was the first dip free vacation since I was 15 years old. I can remember being 15 and on a family vacation in Lake Havasu hiding from my parents with a face full of Skoal Straight. Fucking worthless, I still cant believe that I wasted so much of my life and so many relationships with people over that shit.
Anyway, this vacation was awesome, no more hiding and staying up late after everyone is sleeping so I can be with my tobacco mistress. I'll be perfectly honest, I still thought about dipping, but in a different way. I was not craving a dip, I was just reflecting how I would have been doing things differently had I been dipping. I remembered how I would make shit up (read lying) so I could get away for 20 minutes and pack my fucking lip as full as I could. I bet I looked like a white Bubba from Forest Gump.... Idiotic. Instead this time I got to spent the entire vacation, every single minute with my beautiful wife and daughter... It was paradise.
Another cool side note. I have been putting $30.00 in a jar every Friday since I quit, that is about what I would spend weekly on 7 cans of poison. After 41 weeks this was $1230.00. I spent that on fun shit all week, I went fishing, went to dinner a few times, bought a bunch of fun crap, a bottle of REALLY nice tequila, gave my wife a spa day at the resort. Damn it was a good time.
So here I am at 300 days, for me it is quite an accomplishment considering I never missed a day dipping for 22 years. I still have dip dreams a few times a month, some are subtle and some are really nasty and emotional. I still persevere and I POST ROLL EVERY DAY. I don't miss that shit if my life depended on it, because it does.
"King Leonidas: This is where we hold them! This is where we fight! This is where they die!"
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Wonderful post sensei. This is what freedom is all about gentlemen.....the freedom we are all striving for.
Congrats on 300 sensei!
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That is outstanding.
Freedom is great.
Congrats on the 300 brother.
Never again, for any reason.
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'clap'
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Good shit. Well done!!!
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Well said brother as always !!
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You are wise Sensei !!
I use a similar tactic. I put $200 a month into the stock market instead of my face.
Watching it grow is very satisfying.
Congrats on 300 !!!
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Day 404 - How you do ANYTHING is how you do EVERYTHING.
I take my quit seriously because my life depends on it. Just because I take my quit seriously does not mean that everyone else does and I'm ok with that. When the remaining warriors in our group are hitting the 400's and then someone from our HOF pops in and posts a day 1 it makes me think about my life and what I can learn from their complete pussiness.
Turns out he has been dipping since May 2010 shortly after we hit the HOF. The story? Who cares... after your hear a few, they all sound the same, because they ARE the same. The bottom line is they made a DECISION to put dip in their mouth. They lie to themselves and lie to their quit brothers and sisters. Looking at the decisions that people make says a lot about their character. When people lie to themselves, they lie to other people too.
To me, quitting is not really about the fucking can, it's about my life! Am I strong enough to take control and KEEP control of my life, or do I just wait for some event to happen so I can have an excuse to dip again?
In the year I've been here, I read the same shit every week “I was an idiot”, “I was a new dad”, “I lost my job”, “I got a new job”, “My wife and I were fighting”, or my favorite “I was under a lot of stress”. How the fuck will dipping lower your stress? These excuses are so lame, and yet go in ANY group and you will see them.
This is a fight for my life, and it's one worth fighting.
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Day 404 - How you do ANYTHING is how you do EVERYTHING.
I take my quit seriously because my life depends on it. Just because I take my quit seriously does not mean that everyone else does and I'm ok with that. When the remaining warriors in our group are hitting the 400's and then someone from our HOF pops in and posts a day 1 it makes me think about my life and what I can learn from their complete pussiness.
Turns out he has been dipping since May 2010 shortly after we hit the HOF. The story? Who cares... after your hear a few, they all sound the same, because they ARE the same. The bottom line is they made a DECISION to put dip in their mouth. They lie to themselves and lie to their quit brothers and sisters. Looking at the decisions that people make says a lot about their character. When people lie to themselves, they lie to other people too.
To me, quitting is not really about the fucking can, it's about my life! Am I strong enough to take control and KEEP control of my life, or do I just wait for some event to happen so I can have an excuse to dip again?
In the year I've been here, I read the same shit every week “I was an idiot”, “I was a new dad”, “I lost my job”, “I got a new job”, “My wife and I were fighting”, or my favorite “I was under a lot of stress”. How the fuck will dipping lower your stress? These excuses are so lame, and yet go in ANY group and you will see them.
This is a fight for my life, and it's one worth fighting.
I'm glad you posted this. I might not have noticed your intro page, if you hadn't - there's a lot of serious thought here.
Also, you have an unforgettable avatar.
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Day 405
I was in a bit of a pissy mood yesterday, I thought I would redeem myself and write something lighter today, it soothes the savage beast ya know?
Top 10 Reasons to Stay Quit Today
1. My Daughter
2. My Wife
3. Addiction is a weakness, I am strong
4. Spitters are nasty
5. Lying is for pussies
6. Dippers look like idiots
7. Fresh breath
8. Healthy teeth and gums
9. Less stress
10. Excellent self esteem
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Day 405
I was in a bit of a pissy mood yesterday, I thought I would redeem myself and write something lighter today, it soothes the savage beast ya know?
Top 10 Reasons to Stay Quit Today
1. My Daughter
2. My Wife
3. Addiction is a weakness, I am strong
4. Spitters are nasty
5. Lying is for pussies
6. Dippers look like idiots
7. Fresh breath
8. Healthy teeth and gums
9. Less stress
10. Excellent self esteem
Well done !!
Love #5
'clap'
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Sensei...nice post.
400 is about right for another funk.
Next one around 700.
Power thru.
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Well said, very well said.
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Sensei...nice post.
400 is about right for another funk.
Next one around 700.
Power thru.
Yea loot, I feel like a little dip rage would do me good lately.
Been funky the last few weeks for sure, my wife thinks I've been on the rag, it's not like me. I was actually going to PM you to ask but you already answered it, ESP?
In fact I even pulled out 311 Grassroots today to match my overwhelming funk, that helped a lot. Too bad they went all gay hrmmm.
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Day 407 – Culture
This is the shit I think about when given the time, am I normal? No far from it, but I understand that what is important is staying quit and improving myself along the way.
I began looking at the culture of my family and identifying habits and beliefs that formed and shaped my life and habits. My hope is that I will be able to correct these so I don't pass them on to my children.
There is a culture of addiction in my family. My father and his wife are “functional” alcoholics. They hold jobs, own a home, go on annual vacations and all that, so when I say functional I mean they appear to have it together. But they really don't, they consume alcohol daily and are drunk multiple times each week. Looking back I realize that growing up in that environment has really had a negative impact on my ability to have strong healthy relationships with people.
My dad was a smoker when I was growing up. He stopped smoking cigarettes when I was somewhere around 13 years old, just about the time I picked them up (I gave up the smokes for the can about a year later). Next Dad started smoking cigars around 1998 when they became cool for old fat golfers and still smokes them to this day and has no intentions of ever stopping. If you ask him, he thinks he is still a non-smoker because he doesn't inhale. What a cop out, but that brings me to my next point.
There is a culture of blame in my family, a complete lack of self responsibility . I feel that this one is ubiquitous in American culture and is not unique to my family. There is no personal responsibility within the family, negative outcome are always the fault of someone else. Conversations are always about how other people are doing this or that. It is victim based and non solution oriented.
My quit has clarified a lot of things in my life, some are not that fun to look at and deal with, but it's necessary, otherwise It will just be a matter of time before I'm buying a can.
Shortly after I quit, I decided to stop drinking alcohol too. At the time, I stopped because it was a trigger for dip. After a while I realized it was bigger than that. Growing up in a alcoholic household, I have the ability to drink large amounts of alcohol and still "function" just like my dad. Addiction is addiction whether is nicotine or alcohol it felt the same to me, I felt controlled by it. So I didn't touch a drop of alcohol for over 6 months and since that time I have kept a very close eye on the way I consume it.
I am breaking the culture of addiction in my family, I am tobacco free for the rest of my life. I also do not keep alcohol in the house nor do I ever go out to drink. Instead I focus all of my attention on my family and my life. I can't even begin to explain how much of a positive impact this has made, it is profound.
I only get one life, and I will make the most of it. The sad thing is, I would have never realized any of this without deciding to quit and having the support group here at KTC to make my quit a reality. Without this place I would be passing on the culture of addiction and blame to my kids. Not any more, not now, not ever.
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Day 461
For whatever reason I have been having strong craving's over the past week. So strong that I noticed that I have been tonguing the inside of my mouth where I used to apply the poison. To be honest, these cravings are every bit as strong as the first month of my quit. Last Friday I posted roll a second time just to tell my mind there is no chance, I closed to door on dipping at 100 days, I will never dip again.. Not ever.. Not for any circumstance.
Quitting an addiction isn't easy but the empowerment and self confidence is without a doubt worth the battle.
Posting roll works. Period
Suck it up, fight back, every day if necessary.
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Day 461
For whatever reason I have been having strong craving's over the past week. So strong that I noticed that I have been tonguing the inside of my mouth where I used to apply the poison. To be honest, these cravings are every bit as strong as the first month of my quit. Last Friday I posted roll a second time just to tell my mind there is no chance, I closed to door on dipping at 100 days, I will never dip again.. Not ever.. Not for any circumstance.
Quitting an addiction isn't easy but the empowerment and self confidence is without a doubt worth the battle.
Posting roll works. Period
Suck it up, fight back, every day if necessary.
Stay strong brother, we got your back!!!!!!!!!!!
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Day 461
For whatever reason I have been having strong craving's over the past week. So strong that I noticed that I have been tonguing the inside of my mouth where I used to apply the poison. To be honest, these cravings are every bit as strong as the first month of my quit. Last Friday I posted roll a second time just to tell my mind there is no chance, I closed to door on dipping at 100 days, I will never dip again.. Not ever.. Not for any circumstance.
Quitting an addiction isn't easy but the empowerment and self confidence is without a doubt worth the battle.
Posting roll works. Period
Suck it up, fight back, every day if necessary.
Stay strong brother, we got your back!!!!!!!!!!!
slay that bitch sensei.....
excellent job using the tools bro.
drop a dime on a brother if you need to.
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Day 468
I went fishing on Saturday with my friend Steve. Steve is responsible for my nickname Sensei. You see, back in 9th grade I was the first in my group of friends to start dipping and years later we were all together (dipping of course) and the conversation started about who was the first to start.... I'm ashamed of that now, but it serves me well as leverage on my quit.
Steve is still dipping, in fact ALL of that group of friends are still dipping. My point is, while we were fishing, he was dipping. I'm thinking to myself "Man he's still doing that shit" and as he leans over to spit I say to him "I haven't had a dip since February 5th 2010". He says really? holy shit, how did you do it? I smile and tell him "you wouldn't believe me if I told you." He replies "If it will help me quit, I'll believe it." So the next half hour I explain KTC and how it works.... I'm hoping he shows up and commits, but just like taking the first dip, it's his choice.
I found that encouraging Steve to quit and explaining the process really helped me feel even stronger in my own quit. In fact, I used to think there was NO WAY I could ever go fishing with out a dip, I mean I really thought it would be impossible and I would have to quit fishing too.
I can say with confidence that fishing is even more fun WITHOUT dip, in fact to my utter astonishment, fish can still be caught WITHOUT a dip... un-frickin-believable but entirely true.
p.s. the 460's funk is lifting, and I'm feeling frisky again.
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Day 468
I went fishing on Saturday with my friend Steve. Steve is responsible for my nickname Sensei. You see, back in 9th grade I was the first in my group of friends to start dipping and years later we were all together (dipping of course) and the conversation started about who was the first to start.... I'm ashamed of that now, but it serves me well as leverage on my quit.
Steve is still dipping, in fact ALL of that group of friends are still dipping. My point is, while we were fishing, he was dipping. I'm thinking to myself "Man he's still doing that shit" and as he leans over to spit I say to him "I haven't had a dip since February 5th 2010". He says really? holy shit, how did you do it? I smile and tell him "you wouldn't believe me if I told you." He replies "If it will help me quit, I'll believe it." So the next half hour I explain KTC and how it works.... I'm hoping he shows up and commits, but just like taking the first dip, it's his choice.
I found that encouraging Steve to quit and explaining the process really helped me feel even stronger in my own quit. In fact, I used to think there was NO WAY I could ever go fishing with out a dip, I mean I really thought it would be impossible and I would have to quit fishing too.
I can say with confidence that fishing is even more fun WITHOUT dip, in fact to my utter astonishment, fish can still be caught WITHOUT a dip... un-frickin-believable but entirely true.
p.s. the 460's funk is lifting, and I'm feeling frisky again.
Great job sensei. You used to be the sensei of spit, You are now a Sensei of quit!
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Day 468
I went fishing on Saturday with my friend Steve. Steve is responsible for my nickname Sensei. You see, back in 9th grade I was the first in my group of friends to start dipping and years later we were all together (dipping of course) and the conversation started about who was the first to start.... I'm ashamed of that now, but it serves me well as leverage on my quit.
Steve is still dipping, in fact ALL of that group of friends are still dipping. My point is, while we were fishing, he was dipping. I'm thinking to myself "Man he's still doing that shit" and as he leans over to spit I say to him "I haven't had a dip since February 5th 2010". He says really? holy shit, how did you do it? I smile and tell him "you wouldn't believe me if I told you." He replies "If it will help me quit, I'll believe it." So the next half hour I explain KTC and how it works.... I'm hoping he shows up and commits, but just like taking the first dip, it's his choice.
I found that encouraging Steve to quit and explaining the process really helped me feel even stronger in my own quit. In fact, I used to think there was NO WAY I could ever go fishing with out a dip, I mean I really thought it would be impossible and I would have to quit fishing too.
I can say with confidence that fishing is even more fun WITHOUT dip, in fact to my utter astonishment, fish can still be caught WITHOUT a dip... un-frickin-believable but entirely true.
p.s. the 460's funk is lifting, and I'm feeling frisky again.
Great job sensei. You used to be the sensei of spit, You are now a Sensei of quit!
oh Loo-oooooT......LLLLLLLOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!!!
We need another set of choir robes.
Mule
Deacon in the Church of LooT
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this is just what i needed today. too much fog to really work effectively, but not too much for a nice read. this thread should be mandatory reading for anyone quitting. maybe it should just be mandatory reading period.
sensei, thanks for taking the time to journal your quit here. this is going to be my funk-buster.
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Day 489 - Dreaming
1 year 4 months and 3 days.
I had a dip dream on Monday night. The first 10 seconds of waking are terrible, I vividly feel the failure of caving until is realize that it was a dream. Then the rest of the day I can feel that failure in the back of my mind.... It fucking sucks.
The positive is that it keeps me conscious of my quit, besides a little dip dream my quit is in full flow right now, It feels effortless today. It really is amazing how some weeks I am battling for my life and others I am flowing with ease. When things are effortless, the challenge for me is to say aware and vigilant. I know this addiction is tenacious and so I will not miss the opportunity to post roll daily. It keeps my finger on the pulse of my quit and It reconnects me to my purpose.
With over a year of perspective I can see the waves or layers to my quit. with every funk I pull through I feel stronger and more confident. But the confidence comes with a price. It forces me to stay conscious of my quit.
In reality I would like nothing more than to forget all about quitting, forget to post roll, forget about dip, tobacco, nicotine, and addiction. I would love to have the entire memory erased and just be "normal." But that isn't possible...Maybe someday, but not today.
Today I am thinking about my quit, focusing on my goal, my purpose, and my plan of action. today I posted roll, today I am quit and It feels fucking good.
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Lots of wisdom right there...thanks, Sensei.
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Day 489 - Dreaming
1 year 4 months and 3 days.
I had a dip dream on Monday night. The first 10 seconds of waking are terrible, I vividly feel the failure of caving until is realize that it was a dream. Then the rest of the day I can feel that failure in the back of my mind.... It fucking sucks.
The positive is that it keeps me conscious of my quit, besides a little dip dream my quit is in full flow right now, It feels effortless today. It really is amazing how some weeks I am battling for my life and others I am flowing with ease. When things are effortless, the challenge for me is to say aware and vigilant. I know this addiction is tenacious and so I will not miss the opportunity to post roll daily. It keeps my finger on the pulse of my quit and It reconnects me to my purpose.
With over a year of perspective I can see the waves or layers to my quit. with every funk I pull through I feel stronger and more confident. But the confidence comes with a price. It forces me to stay conscious of my quit.
In reality I would like nothing more than to forget all about quitting, forget to post roll, forget about dip, tobacco, nicotine, and addiction. I would love to have the entire memory erased and just be "normal." But that isn't possible...Maybe someday, but not today.
Today I am thinking about my quit, focusing on my goal, my purpose, and my plan of action. today I posted roll, today I am quit and It feels fucking good.
Thanks for this, Sensei. I thought I could be "normal" once. It was after my last quit. I don't know how long I had been quit for, but I was well past the HOF. I let my guard down, and lost that all important vigilance you speak of. I had to suck it up and post Day 1 all over again. I wouldn't wish that experience on my worst enemy.
That was 87 days ago. I won't make the same mistake twice. Thanks for setting the standard.
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496 - Attrition
We had another guy cave in our group today. As time passes less and less people in our group are posting roll consistently. We started with over 100, went to the hall in May 2010 with 54 people, last week we had about 5-7 guys posting daily roll and maybe another 5 who post weekly. The rest are AWOL.... Who knows if they are quit or dipping.
I'm not one to tell another guy how they should quit, or what their level of commitment should be. If they can stay quit on their own and they are confident in that ability then I can see why they choose that route. It appears to be the easiest, and it is human nature to take the easiest route. They are mistaken.
For me, I base my actions on results. In my life and my business, I don't try to reinvent anything. I model successful people. That is the quickest and easiest way to the desired result. So I do the same thing in my quit. I model people who are successful and the successful people around here do 1 thing; They post roll every day.
I'm afraid that this trend will continue in our group and by attrition the nic bitch patiently waits and takes everyone who does not actively post roll.
This quit is too important to me. I'm not ready to take a chance and I will not be consumed by attrition. Instead I will make small commitments every day instead of making a huge commitment every once in a while. My motto today is "inch by inch, life's a cinch. Yard by yard, live is hard".
None for me today, guaranteed.
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10 Reasons I won't dip today
1. My Daughter will think it's gross
2. My wife thinks it's gross
3. I think it's gross
4. I will die sooner
5. It looks stupid
6. It makes my breath stink
7. It rots my teeth
8. I won't have to lie
9. It's a waste of money
10. It's fucking stupid.
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'chew2' 500 'chew2'
saying no, on the daily
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Nice quitting sensei. congrats.
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half comma ROCK!
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Day 504 - Integrity
"Adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty."
You either have it or you don't, there is no grey area.
When I got it, I nurtured it, loved it, embraced it. I cannot be quit without it, neither can you.
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Day 504 - Integrity
"Adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty."
You either have it or you don't, there is no grey area.
When I got it, I nurtured it, loved it, embraced it. I cannot be quit without it, neither can you.
Firstly, Mario Lopez has amazing dimples. Nextly, did integrity solidify your quit or did quit solidify your integrity? Finally, that is all.
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Day 504 - Integrity
"Adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty."
You either have it or you don't, there is no grey area.
When I got it, I nurtured it, loved it, embraced it. I cannot be quit without it, neither can you.
Firstly, Mario Lopez has amazing dimples. Nextly, did integrity solidify your quit or did quit solidify your integrity? Finally, that is all.
Definitely both :D
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Firstly, Mario Lopez has amazing dimples.
:huh: :huh: Uh, Smokey... a bit off-topic, ain't ya?
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Firstly, Mario Lopez has amazing dimples.
:huh: :huh: Uh, Smokey... a bit off-topic, ain't ya?
nope it's spot on. Reference my last post on smoke's page and it will all make sense. haha
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529 - Pondering
So I was riding my new mountain bike yesterday (with some money I would have spent on dip). When I got to the top of my climb I was catching my breath while admiring the view of the pacific ocean on a beautiful blue sky day. Guess what I was thinking about? I thought to myself "damn a dip would be so nice right now". As that thought came up, I consciously caught it and said "nice try bitch". She reply's well a fake one would be ok too. I started laughing out loud.... She is tenacious.
The reality is, a dip would NOT have been nice and a fake one is a waste of time at this point. One of the really nice things about posting roll 529 days in a row is that when these situations arise, they stand out like a sore thumb. Do I still think about dip? YEP. Do I still crave a dip sometimes? YEP I do. But the desire is always manageable and because I have made a promise to my group. I cannot have a dip without their permission.
The bottom line, post roll everyday. It saved my weak ass again.
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529 - Pondering
So I was riding my new mountain bike yesterday (with some money I would have spent on dip). When I got to the top of my climb I was catching my breath while admiring the view of the pacific ocean on a beautiful blue sky day. Guess what I was thinking about? I thought to myself "damn a dip would be so nice right now". As that thought came up, I consciously caught it and said "nice try bitch". She reply's well a fake one would be ok too. I started laughing out loud.... She is tenacious.
The reality is, a dip would NOT have been nice and a fake one is a waste of time at this point. One of the really nice things about posting roll 529 days in a row is that when these situations arise, they stand out like a sore thumb. Do I still think about dip? YEP. Do I still crave a dip sometimes? YEP I do. But the desire is always manageable and because I have made a promise to my group. I cannot have a dip without their permission.
The bottom line, post roll everyday. It saved my weak ass again.
Good stuff Sensei,
Though I am many months behind you in quit numbers I now realize I have reached a point where I have gained a lot of quit knowledge and can think about these things without craving or jeopardizing my quit.
The question is, what would you gain from using dip? Lets be entirely honest here, without hiding from the real emotions.
If I were to use I know for sure I would get a buzz probably feel relaxed for about 5 minutes. That is the extent of what I can visualize.
What would I lose: 153 days of quit (vs 5 minutes of relaxation), complete loss of credibility, and worst of all, either a lifetime of addiction or having to go through more nic withdrawal.
That 5 minutes just doesn't seem worth it at all when I really think about it.
Keep it up bud, 529 is inspirational for me.
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529 - Pondering
So I was riding my new mountain bike yesterday (with some money I would have spent on dip). When I got to the top of my climb I was catching my breath while admiring the view of the pacific ocean on a beautiful blue sky day. Guess what I was thinking about? I thought to myself "damn a dip would be so nice right now". As that thought came up, I consciously caught it and said "nice try bitch". She reply's well a fake one would be ok too. I started laughing out loud.... She is tenacious.
The reality is, a dip would NOT have been nice and a fake one is a waste of time at this point. One of the really nice things about posting roll 529 days in a row is that when these situations arise, they stand out like a sore thumb. Do I still think about dip? YEP. Do I still crave a dip sometimes? YEP I do. But the desire is always manageable and because I have made a promise to my group. I cannot have a dip without their permission.
The bottom line, post roll everyday. It saved my weak ass again.
I'm only 54 days in. In control of my quit. Feel good. Cravings are at a minimum. But at least once a day I too have a similar voice that pops in my head: "You could sure use a pinch right now. Go ahead. Throw in a lip. No one will know. Just one". Sometimes comes out of the blue. Sometimes after a known trigger. The beautiful thing is that the voice dies almost as fast as it came, because then another voice pops in my head that says: "You gave your word today. End of story". That sentiment is 100x as strong as anything the Bitch can throw at me, including the lies that come in the form of a sexy voice at least once a day. Great job on your quit Sensei.
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1.5 years of quit today.
I would not have made it this far without the support of this community. If I can quit after 22 years of a can a day, you can too. It takes discipline and commitment to posting roll and keeping your word. The easy part is posting roll. The hard part is keeping your word.
Life is good being quit.
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1.5 years of quit today.
I would not have made it this far without the support of this community. If I can quit after 22 years of a can a day, you can too. It takes discipline and commitment to posting roll and keeping your word. The easy part is posting roll. The hard part is keeping your word.
Life is good being quit.
Cheers sensei. Nice work bro.
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600
Sixth floor landed on my birthday, what a great day of celebration and reflection.
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600
Sixth floor landed on my birthday, what a great day of celebration and reflection.
Well done Sensei!
'worship' 'worship' 'worship'
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600
Sixth floor landed on my birthday, what a great day of celebration and reflection.
Well done Sensei!
'worship' 'worship' 'worship'
Cheers brother. Nice work.
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635 - Vegas
I was in Las Vegas over the Halloween weekend and a normally strange town was in rare form. I was there on business, so viewing the town with clear eyes was fun and interesting. First off, there are some whacked out people in that town but more important to me were the amount of dippers. It so happened that the PBR was also in town. I saw slaves everywhere with their lips overflowing with poison. They looked ridiculous walking around with a nasty spitter while pretending to have a beverage.
Seeing these dippers as well as the smokers with their wrinkled up skin who look depressed about life strongly reinforced my quit. They are slaves to nicotine, and I could see deep down they knew it and they didn't like it.
I am so grateful that I had the strength to weather the storm that happened early in my quit. The storm really does pass, and when it does the sun keeps shining as long as you want it to. Life is really really good without tobacco and freedom feels incredible!
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700
It all started minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month.....never again.
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700
It all started minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month.....never again.
Awesome!
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700
It all started minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month.....never again.
Awesome!
i heard they have strippers on the 7th floor... true?
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700
It all started minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month.....never again.
Awesome!
i heard they have strippers on the 7th floor... true?
I heard they were virgin strippers that taste like bacon.
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'clap'
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Outstanding
-
:)
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700
It all started minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month.....never again.
Awesome!
i heard they have strippers on the 7th floor... true?
I heard they were virgin strippers that taste like bacon.
way to go sensei. First lap dance is on me.
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800
Wake up, piss, post roll, keep my word, repeat daily... If I can do it, ANYONE can do it.
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Outstanding. Congrats Master.
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800
Wake up, piss, post roll, keep my word, repeat daily... If I can do it, ANYONE can do it.
Sensei, that is just awesome! Congrats!
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800
Wake up, piss, post roll, keep my word, repeat daily... If I can do it, ANYONE can do it.
:)
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800
Wake up, piss, post roll, keep my word, repeat daily... If I can do it, ANYONE can do it.
:)
Nice work bro.
Don't know if you troll around the boards much more, but we have a crossfit group going in the "exercise" topic. We'd love to have another posting WODs in there. Hopefully you're still doing it.
I used to read your workouts and think you were nuts. Now that I'm doing them too, I know you are.
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800
Wake up, piss, post roll, keep my word, repeat daily... If I can do it, ANYONE can do it.
:)
Nice work bro.
Don't know if you troll around the boards much more, but we have a crossfit group going in the "exercise" topic. We'd love to have another posting WODs in there. Hopefully you're still doing it.
I used to read your workouts and think you were nuts. Now that I'm doing them too, I know you are.
yep, still crossfitting 3+ times a week. Still an ass kicking, still love it, nothing better.
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3 YEARS
Yes, it gets easier but I still think about dipping at least once a week so I continue to post roll every day.
Dip has no power over me anymore and I want to keep it that way, so I stick around.
Fight the good fight, post roll, freedom can be yours.
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3 YEARS
Yes, it gets easier but I still think about dipping at least once a week so I continue to post roll every day.
Dip has no power over me anymore and I want to keep it that way, so I stick around.
Fight the good fight, post roll, freedom can be yours.
:)
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3 YEARS
Yes, it gets easier but I still think about dipping at least once a week so I continue to post roll every day.
Dip has no power over me anymore and I want to keep it that way, so I stick around.
Fight the good fight, post roll, freedom can be yours.
:)
hell to the yeah sensei....
trip years is a great hand.
well done.
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1400
At day 1 I never thought this was possible....
I just kept posting roll daily then kept my word.
Simple but not easy, and very possible if you want it
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1400
At day 1 I never thought this was possible....
I just kept posting roll daily then kept my word.
Simple but not easy, and very possible if you want it
Sensei you are a pillar of quit around here and your hitting the 14th floor is huge. I thank you for your support and I will I continue to post roll with you daily.
Sincerely,
Pinched
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1400
At day 1 I never thought this was possible....
I just kept posting roll daily then kept my word.
Simple but not easy, and very possible if you want it
Sensei you are a pillar of quit around here and your hitting the 14th floor is huge. I thank you for your support and I will I continue to post roll with you daily.
Sincerely,
Pinched
Indeed. Congrats. 'party'
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1400
At day 1 I never thought this was possible....
I just kept posting roll daily then kept my word.
Simple but not easy, and very possible if you want it
This ^^^ is TOTAL badass.
It's a beautiful thing to see in the midst of all the weakness of late.
I bow in your general direction bro!
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1400
At day 1 I never thought this was possible....
I just kept posting roll daily then kept my word.
Simple but not easy, and very possible if you want it
This ^^^ is TOTAL badass.
It's a beautiful thing to see in the midst of all the weakness of late.
I bow in your general direction bro!
'party'
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1400
At day 1 I never thought this was possible....
I just kept posting roll daily then kept my word.
Simple but not easy, and very possible if you want it
This ^^^ is TOTAL badass.
It's a beautiful thing to see in the midst of all the weakness of late.
I bow in your general direction bro!
'party'
Bravo!!!! 'oh yeah'
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1400
At day 1 I never thought this was possible....
I just kept posting roll daily then kept my word.
Simple but not easy, and very possible if you want it
This ^^^ is TOTAL badass.
It's a beautiful thing to see in the midst of all the weakness of late.
I bow in your general direction bro!
'party'
Bravo!!!! 'oh yeah'
Nice
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1400
At day 1 I never thought this was possible....
I just kept posting roll daily then kept my word.
Simple but not easy, and very possible if you want it
This ^^^ is TOTAL badass.
It's a beautiful thing to see in the midst of all the weakness of late.
I bow in your general direction bro!
'party'
Bravo!!!! 'oh yeah'
Nice
nice job 'boob'
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1400
At day 1 I never thought this was possible....
I just kept posting roll daily then kept my word.
Simple but not easy, and very possible if you want it
This ^^^ is TOTAL badass.
It's a beautiful thing to see in the midst of all the weakness of late.
I bow in your general direction bro!
'party'
Bravo!!!! 'oh yeah'
Nice
nice job 'boob'
Wow what an inspiration. I'd like to thank you for continuing to post, for sharing your story. I just read your entire intro just because the 1400 number seems so big to me right now.
Thank you for staying around to show people like me, just 5 days in that we "can" make it.
I quit with you today Sensei.
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1500
I am stronger than this addiction.
Never again.
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1500
I am stronger than this addiction.
Never again.
Ab-so-freakin-lutly.....well done, well done!
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1500
I am stronger than this addiction.
Never again.
Ab-so-freakin-lutly.....well done, well done!
Paragon of quit! Fantastic!!!
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1500
I am stronger than this addiction.
Never again.
Ab-so-freakin-lutly.....well done, well done!
Paragon of quit! Fantastic!!!
Well Done Sir!!!
http://www.picgifs.com/smileys/s (http://www.picgifs.com/smileys/s)
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1500
I am stronger than this addiction.
Never again.
Ab-so-freakin-lutly.....well done, well done!
Paragon of quit! Fantastic!!!
Well Done Sir!!!
http://www.picgifs.com/smileys/s (http://www.picgifs.com/smileys/s)
Very nice! Congrats!
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1500
I am stronger than this addiction.
Never again.
Ab-so-freakin-lutly.....well done, well done!
Paragon of quit! Fantastic!!!
Well Done Sir!!!
http://www.picgifs.com/smileys/s (http://www.picgifs.com/smileys/s)
Very nice! Congrats!
Awesome!!!
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Day 1766
I was stopped at a traffic light yesterday and the guy in front of me opened his driver door, leaned out and spit a mouthful of brown slimy dip juice onto the street, then reached in his vestibule and swiped out the poisonous plant leaf and proceeded to throw it on the ground before slamming his door shut. As I watched this happen I realized that was me a few short years ago. Addicted to the same poison, doing the same mantra at each traffic light, disappointed in myself for ever starting this shit and not having the strength to stop using it. I mean, that was the worst part of dipping, the feeling of slavery to it. I couldn't go anywhere with out a can or I would freak out, like the world was going to explode if I didn't get my fix. When I saw this guy leaning out his car door yesterday, I had this flood of emotion return and I remembered vividly what the helplessness of tobacco addiction felt like. I also remembered how fucking hard it was to quit in the beginning, easily the hardest thing I have EVER done. However, with posting daily roll and participating in a strong support structure, I am still here every day. Life is better without dip, I guarantee it.
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Day 1766
I was stopped at a traffic light yesterday and the guy in front of me opened his driver door, leaned out and spit a mouthful of brown slimy dip juice onto the street, then reached in his vestibule and swiped out the poisonous plant leaf and proceeded to throw it on the ground before slamming his door shut. As I watched this happen I realized that was me a few short years ago. Addicted to the same poison, doing the same mantra at each traffic light, disappointed in myself for ever starting this shit and not having the strength to stop using it. I mean, that was the worst part of dipping, the feeling of slavery to it. I couldn't go anywhere with out a can or I would freak out, like the world was going to explode if I didn't get my fix. When I saw this guy leaning out his car door yesterday, I had this flood of emotion return and I remembered vividly what the helplessness of tobacco addiction felt like. I also remembered how fucking hard it was to quit in the beginning, easily the hardest thing I have EVER done. However, with posting daily roll and participating in a strong support structure, I am still here every day. Life is better without dip, I guarantee it.
Beautiful stuff.
-
Day 1766
I was stopped at a traffic light yesterday and the guy in front of me opened his driver door, leaned out and spit a mouthful of brown slimy dip juice onto the street, then reached in his vestibule and swiped out the poisonous plant leaf and proceeded to throw it on the ground before slamming his door shut. As I watched this happen I realized that was me a few short years ago. Addicted to the same poison, doing the same mantra at each traffic light, disappointed in myself for ever starting this shit and not having the strength to stop using it. I mean, that was the worst part of dipping, the feeling of slavery to it. I couldn't go anywhere with out a can or I would freak out, like the world was going to explode if I didn't get my fix. When I saw this guy leaning out his car door yesterday, I had this flood of emotion return and I remembered vividly what the helplessness of tobacco addiction felt like. I also remembered how fucking hard it was to quit in the beginning, easily the hardest thing I have EVER done. However, with posting daily roll and participating in a strong support structure, I am still here every day. Life is better without dip, I guarantee it.
Beautiful stuff.
That is so remarkably beautiful, deep and profound yet so damned disgusting.
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Day 1766
I was stopped at a traffic light yesterday and the guy in front of me opened his driver door, leaned out and spit a mouthful of brown slimy dip juice onto the street, then reached in his vestibule and swiped out the poisonous plant leaf and proceeded to throw it on the ground before slamming his door shut. As I watched this happen I realized that was me a few short years ago. Addicted to the same poison, doing the same mantra at each traffic light, disappointed in myself for ever starting this shit and not having the strength to stop using it. I mean, that was the worst part of dipping, the feeling of slavery to it. I couldn't go anywhere with out a can or I would freak out, like the world was going to explode if I didn't get my fix. When I saw this guy leaning out his car door yesterday, I had this flood of emotion return and I remembered vividly what the helplessness of tobacco addiction felt like. I also remembered how fucking hard it was to quit in the beginning, easily the hardest thing I have EVER done. However, with posting daily roll and participating in a strong support structure, I am still here every day. Life is better without dip, I guarantee it.
Beautiful stuff.
That is so remarkably beautiful, deep and profound yet so damned disgusting.
Atta Boy.
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1800
Make a promise, post roll, keep my word........ repeat daily
-
1800
Make a promise, post roll, keep my word........ repeat daily
1,800 units of quit. It seems to be working. Follow the lead.
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1800
Make a promise, post roll, keep my word........ repeat daily
1,800 units of quit. It seems to be working. Follow the lead.
Congrats, sir.
-
1800
Make a promise, post roll, keep my word........ repeat daily
1,800 units of quit. It seems to be working. Follow the lead.
Congrats, sir.
Well Done!!!
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1800
Make a promise, post roll, keep my word........ repeat daily
1,800 units of quit. It seems to be working. Follow the lead.
Congrats, sir.
Well Done!!!
very well done
-
2000 Never again, ever
-
2000 Never again, ever
Congrats on 2K days of walking through life as a badass!
-
2000 Never again, ever
Congrats on 2K days of walking through life as a badass!
Hayaaaah!
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Day 2268
Each day builds on the one before.
Difficult becomes easy until easy becomes normal...
Keep your promise
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Day 2268
Each day builds on the one before.
Difficult becomes easy until easy becomes normal...
Keep your promise
^^^ This is some serious truth.
Pay attention!
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Day 2268
Each day builds on the one before.
Difficult becomes easy until easy becomes normal...
Keep your promise
^^^ This is some serious truth.
Pay attention!
I'm paying attention. And I love this post Sensei!
-
7 years
Never again, never. And If I ever have a moment of weakness, I come right here and read the early struggle.
Keep your promise, it's worth it
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COngrats on 7 years. Total bad ass. Way to be!
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8 muthafukin years
Be a man, keep your word, repeat.....