KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: mekster on March 08, 2010, 09:24:00 AM
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I had my first dip my freshman year in college. Got sick, didn't really like it. had another one, two years later, and essentially had been addicted to nicotine since that second dip (~9 years).
I've "quit" before, obv... I've had 6+months before I was really addicted in college. I've had 1 month or so about 2 years ago. Then I had "just one"... which in turn led to "I'll just buy a tin, have 1 dip and throw the can away". This inherently leads to, "well I'll just keep the tin"... yada yada back to 1-2 tins a day.
I've found this site or the other one, the last time I went 3 days. (~ 6 months ago). I'm still on the fence as far as how effective this will be for me. Part of me wants to get gung ho about "the quit", the other part of me just wants to quit. I feel like endlessly posting about it, will just have me thinking about dipping constantly.
some point on friday, i just said to myself that I'm thru with nicotine. I finished my tin, but found half of one, so I dipped until Saturday morning. It does nothing for me at this junction of my life. I get nothing out of it, other than it stops the onset of nicotine withdrawal. I really hope this go around I stay quit.
In the past, I know that mental moment of caving. That split moment, when I have bought the tin, I promised myself I wouldn't buy just a few days earlier. Am about to put the pinch in. THis moment is the truest form of failure. I hate this moment so much. I get this slight hesitation. LIke an acknowledgment, "sigh". I have a feeling that I will be faced with this moment again, I will not cave.
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Part of me wants to get gung ho about "the quit", the other part of me just wants to quit. I feel like endlessly posting about it, will just have me thinking about dipping constantly.
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Think about what you want to accomplish, then resolve to achieve it by any means necessary. This place is a constant reminder and that is a good thing. We need to constantly be reminded about how hard it is to quit. Our brains sometimes forget the pains or sacrifices we all have made to quit. That leads to us getting lazy and thinking our quits were easy and boom, the nic bitch is back knocking on door.
Congrats on the decision to quit. Do what you need to, but don't dip!
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That leads to us getting lazy and thinking our quits were easy
hahaha, this is so true.
Every time I cave... I say to myself. "that wasn't THAT bad, I can do it again". While the realities are, every subsequent attempt to quit is harder than the previous. For me at least.
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That leads to us getting lazy and thinking our quits were easy
hahaha, this is so true.
Every time I cave... I say to myself. "that wasn't THAT bad, I can do it again". While the realities are, every subsequent attempt to quit is harder than the previous. For me at least.
It does get harder each time. I have failed many times on my own. There are times I would go a week, two, or a month and give in thinking I could do it again. That is the evil workings of the nic bitch and really not having the support or knowledge to succeed.
This place solved all of that. So much knowledge here. Like I said, I failed many times on my own, but I have not failed here and I WON'T. This place has given me the accountability and the tools I need to move forward. It can do the same for you, if you let it.
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It's funny, midway thru every meal, at some point, I have this thought... "can't wait to dip after... oh wait... I forgot..." Then i giggle a bit, but quietly just to myself.
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It's funny, midway thru every meal, at some point, I have this thought... "can't wait to dip after... oh wait... I forgot..."Â Then i giggle a bit, but quietly just to myself.
There will come a day when the thought of putting a dip in your mouth especially right afther you eat will about make you puke. I never thought I would think that, but after 552 days quit I probably would if I packed that shit in now right after a meal!!!! That USED to be one of my favorite times to dip! Congrats on the best decision you will ever make!!!
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I think people that quit have an insight into what people with split personalities feel, or split emotions if there is such a thing. I find haggling with myself all the time, going though the full spectrum of emotions. I feel like there is some after school, emotionally uplifting movie playing in my mind for 5 minutes. At the end of which, i hear Rocky music playing, and I tell myself "this is great, why did I wait so long to quit". Two minutes pass, and it's the guy from those corny after school specials... "psst... come on... just one". Once i tell that guy to go practice falling down, I start thinking, "holy shit, forever is impossible." Then I come full circle and just ask myself what I enjoyed about dipping. Sadly the answer is nothing. Which makes me realize that i've been doing something, for what feels like forever, that I get nothing out of. THis makes me depressed, which makes me want to just give up and get dip.
And I find myself 2 minutes later, ready to repeat the above. How the fuck did you guys do this.
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How the fuck did you guys do this.
in the beginning....minute by minute.
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How the fuck did you guys do this.
in the beginning....minute by minute.
If you really want to be quit, you will find a way. I was angry at the whole thing and that helped me.
Most importantly....remember how you feel right now....you DO NOT want to go thru this again.
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How the fuck did you guys do this.
in the beginning....minute by minute.
If you really want to be quit, you will find a way. I was angry at the whole thing and that helped me.
Most importantly....remember how you feel right now....you DO NOT want to go thru this again.
"how the fuck did you guys do this"?
That, my friend, is one of the most beautifully honest question I've ever read on these boards.
It seems nearly impossible to most of us in the beginning...like contemplating climbing Everest. That's why your resolve needs to be incredibly strong. I've said this before: YOU NEED TO BE DESPERATE IN ORDER TO SUCCEED. You've gotta want this as much as you've ever wanted anything before. And even THAT is not a guarantee of success.
If you start with desperation, and then top it off with the ACCOUNTABILITY you find here, your odds are greatly improved.
From my vantage point, standing nearly two years up the hill from you, it's purty easy going...much easier than when I started. Still, your question strikes a cord in me..."how the fuck did we do it"?
Desperation Accountability. Rinse repeat.
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woooooooooooot... got home in one piece.
is it cool that i keep posting random thoughts in my intro thread?
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woooooooooooot... got home in one piece.
is it cool that i keep posting random thoughts in my intro thread?
Absolutely, especially if it helps you focus on your goal, never putting that crap back in your mouth.
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I think i'm hovering around the 72 hour mark at the moment.
As I said in my quit group, I woke up at 4am today. just wide awake. I had this happen the last time I went a few days without nic. Felt really shitty at that time, but fell back asleep woke up 3 hours later.
Today is better than yesterday, for sure. The headaches are almost gone, the cravings are noticeably milder. It's pretty cool to not be dipping. :D
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I think i'm hovering around the 72 hour mark at the moment.
As I said in my quit group, I woke up at 4am today. just wide awake. I had this happen the last time I went a few days without nic. Felt really shitty at that time, but fell back asleep woke up 3 hours later.
Today is better than yesterday, for sure. The headaches are almost gone, the cravings are noticeably milder. It's pretty cool to not be dipping. :D
nice meekster, it gets soooooooo much cooler. Keep fighting you got this
sm
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I think i'm hovering around the 72 hour mark at the moment.
As I said in my quit group, I woke up at 4am today. just wide awake. I had this happen the last time I went a few days without nic. Felt really shitty at that time, but fell back asleep woke up 3 hours later.
Today is better than yesterday, for sure. The headaches are almost gone, the cravings are noticeably milder. It's pretty cool to not be dipping. :D
nice meekster, it gets soooooooo much cooler. Keep fighting you got this
sm
That wakeup call this morning was probably the nic bitch throwing one last tantrum before she left for good. Congrats and keep fighting.
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I think i'm hovering around the 72 hour mark at the moment.
As I said in my quit group, I woke up at 4am today. just wide awake. I had this happen the last time I went a few days without nic. Felt really shitty at that time, but fell back asleep woke up 3 hours later.
Today is better than yesterday, for sure. The headaches are almost gone, the cravings are noticeably milder. It's pretty cool to not be dipping. :D
nice meekster, it gets soooooooo much cooler. Keep fighting you got this
sm
That wakeup call this morning was probably the nic bitch throwing one last tantrum before she left for good. Congrats and keep fighting.
No shit! It really does get better! When I get to feeling weird(best way I can decribe it) I go to a cubs post and stare at the girls! Always works! No more crave! (for nic anyway!) 'boob'
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so close to caving today...
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so close to caving today...
But you didn't, and that's what counts.
Isn't it nice to have a chat feature, and nice to have the capability to PM, text, or call in the event you need to throw out an SOS?
How can one fail if we follow the rules and make ourselves accountable?
I have to believe that if one scrupulously follows the simple rules here that there is 100% success.
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so close to caving today...
But you didn't, and that's what counts.
Isn't it nice to have a chat feature, and nice to have the capability to PM, text, or call in the event you need to throw out an SOS?
How can one fail if we follow the rules and make ourselves accountable?
I have to believe that if one scrupulously follows the simple rules here that there is 100% success.
Allec,
You are correct. The rules are very simple.
1. Post roll
2. Live up to your word
Very simple, not easy but simple. And the beauty of this place is there is more quit knowledge here than you can find anywhere else. The stories you read are all by quitters, the advice is from guys that have lived in your shoes.
Remember the rules, follow the rules and you will succeed !!
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mornings are still tough, but who gives a fuck.... I'M ON DAY 5!!!!
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mornings are still tough, but who gives a fuck.... I'M ON DAY 5!!!!
Rock On! How you feeling so far? The physical part of this should be over....now comes the "Mind Fuck". Keep your guard up and make sure you have a solid quit plan. Use it and keep powering through like you are!
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Rock On! How you feeling so far? The physical part of this should be over....now comes the "Mind Fuck".
I would say I'm doing about as you described. mind fuck is the best description of my past two days. Like I wrote somewhere the cravings now are so different than days 1-3. Those were just my brain yelling at me to dip to end the pain. Now it's like chess type craves, they start slow but get crazy loud and are intricate.
At some point I always think "whats the point, your on day x and still getting craving" then it will move me to some random dude that caved after a loooong quit, say shit like... "see you really want to deal with this for 3 years?". etc etc. its just a more subtle crave, but so much more psyche piercing. it's almost like, the first 3 days are a brute force fight with a dude, and past day 3 its like arguing with a woman. Common sense doesn't work and she says "innocent" shit that lingers and breaks you down.
But I would say overall, I'm doing great. yesterday was the closest I've come to caving. I'm more prepared now to deal with the unexpected craves.
Yesterday was a HUUUUUUGE victory. I was defeated when I left work, when I got home I beat it. When I look back on my quit, I'm sure yesterday will be the most pivotal day in this fight. It will have to be, cause that is all I can handle. If it gets worse I'm dead.
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Yesterday was a HUUUUUUGE victory. I was defeated when I left work, when I got home I beat it. When I look back on my quit, I'm sure yesterday will be the most pivotal day in this fight. It will have to be, cause that is all I can handle. If it gets worse I'm dead.
Hehe....nah u are alive! This just proves that you are stonger than the nic bitch! Keep fighting and beating the triggers and you will continue to get stronger.
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Yesterday was a HUUUUUUGE victory. I was defeated when I left work, when I got home I beat it. When I look back on my quit, I'm sure yesterday will be the most pivotal day in this fight. It will have to be, cause that is all I can handle. If it gets worse I'm dead.
Hehe....nah u are alive! This just proves that you are stonger than the nic bitch! Keep fighting and beating the triggers and you will continue to get stronger.
You got this. One day at a time - don't focus on anything longer than that.
If you can't handle one day of quit, then you should have a friend kick you in the nuts until they decide to grow back.
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I was defeated when I left work, when I got home I beat it.
That's how I got threw the first 50 days....a lot of beating it! Nice work!! :D 'jerk'
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this is such a bitch. I woke up, craving as usual. Didnt get out of bed for an hour. Then lingered in my house for an hour. Got in my car, to get dip, peeled off a block before 7-11. Fuck that was close. My mouth is legitimately watering at the thought of dip.
Yesterday was so easy. I woke up got my mind right. Today, I kept saying "you aren't dipping today", but I knew it was half assed conviction and I was in for a fight today.
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this is such a bitch. I woke up, craving as usual. Didnt get out of bed for an hour. Then lingered in my house for an hour. Got in my car, to get dip, peeled off a block before 7-11. Fuck that was close. My mouth is legitimately watering at the thought of dip.
Yesterday was so easy. I woke up got my mind right. Today, I kept saying "you aren't dipping today", but I knew it was half assed conviction and I was in for a fight today.
Please keep posting anywhere you feel necessary, but this is stuff your quit group needs to hear and help you with.
Do you have numbers to call when it gets this close again?
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this is such a bitch. I woke up, craving as usual. Didnt get out of bed for an hour. Then lingered in my house for an hour. Got in my car, to get dip, peeled off a block before 7-11. Fuck that was close. My mouth is legitimately watering at the thought of dip.
Yesterday was so easy. I woke up got my mind right. Today, I kept saying "you aren't dipping today", but I knew it was half assed conviction and I was in for a fight today.
Please keep posting anywhere you feel necessary, but this is stuff your quit group needs to hear and help you with.
Do you have numbers to call when it gets this close again?
Tom,
I know you have my number and the next time you get that close I had better get a damn phone call. Regardless, way to stay strong.
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this is such a bitch. I woke up, craving as usual. Didnt get out of bed for an hour. Then lingered in my house for an hour. Got in my car, to get dip, peeled off a block before 7-11. Fuck that was close. My mouth is legitimately watering at the thought of dip.
Yesterday was so easy. I woke up got my mind right. Today, I kept saying "you aren't dipping today", but I knew it was half assed conviction and I was in for a fight today.
Please keep posting anywhere you feel necessary, but this is stuff your quit group needs to hear and help you with.
Do you have numbers to call when it gets this close again?
Tom,
I know you have my number and the next time you get that close I had better get a damn phone call. Regardless, way to stay strong.
i went into my quit group today and the first post I saw, some rah rah post focusing on some guy that has come back, telling the guy to go fuck himself. I was in a bad mood to begin with, I read that shit and just thought. Who the fuck does that help? Maybe the person posting it. Quitting is so hard, that dealing with any negativity for me is very fragile. I rather, pretend that cavers are gone and were never here. "Ooh im a big pussy. OK I am. Now what drill sergeant?"
Seeing people preaching to others that have caved in the past is beyond counterproductive for me. Yeah i get that a certain type of mentality will get empowerment from this bravado shit. But give me a break, it's all based on fear of rejection and need for approval. It works on some and is nothing for others, and it actually is very counterproductive for me.
That said, I was already angry when I read that post, don't know what the back story is, or who the players are. I just know it was the first thing I read, and it took me two steps back.
Kev, I got your number, but like I said. Once I crack, it's not like the thing on my mind is to get an OK from someone to dip. The brain is broken, in a foggy frenzy to get it's fix, it knows that calling someone that will make it harder to get the fix is not in line with its objectives.
I'm not going to dip today, and that is all that matters to me at this moment.
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it's almost like, the first 3 days are a brute force fight with a dude, and past day 3 its like arguing with a woman. Common sense doesn't work and she says "innocent" shit that lingers and breaks you down.
That's a brilliant friggin' analogy!
Unfortunately, you can't end this argument with make-up sex (i.e. a reunion dip), so take a walk, clear your head, buy some seeds or something (peppermints have been helping me a lot) and soldier on, my friend.
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it's almost like, the first 3 days are a brute force fight with a dude, and past day 3 its like arguing with a woman. Common sense doesn't work and she says "innocent" shit that lingers and breaks you down.
That's a brilliant friggin' analogy!
Unfortunately, you can't end this argument with make-up sex (i.e. a reunion dip), so take a walk, clear your head, buy some seeds or something (peppermints have been helping me a lot) and soldier on, my friend.
or...
go have sex.
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This is NOT my intro...
This person dropped off the site a LONG time ago...
But I saw him lurking today...snooping around in June 2010...he didn't even have the common courtesy to post a single word...
This TROLL (prove me wrong) has my number...I reacherd out to him BEFORE he left...not a single word from him
This is for you mek...fuck off until you can be a man again...post your lame assed excuse...don't hide in the shadows...I KNOW you'll read this...