KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: derv88 on May 08, 2014, 08:31:00 PM
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Welp, here goes my introduction.
I smoked cigarettes for about 16 years after shunning people around me for most of my youth who smoked. You know, the college thing - everyone's doing it. But not everyone did it for that long.
Then I stopped and started dipping. Sure, I was proud of myself for quitting smoking, bragged about it to everyone I could, but I had a secret. A Dirty Little Secret.
The Nic Bitch had me by the balls, transfering my addiction from my lungs to my mouth. I shamefully dipped for the next 6 years and more or less hid it from everyone except those closest to me. I work in a suit-and-tie type job and hid my addiction from the world. After my work day was over and the last meeting concluded, I returned home or to my hotel room and tortured myself and my body with this evil concoction. Punnishment for the things that went wrong that day. Punnishment for my great or poor job performance. Punnishment for my "winding down" from stress and anxiety.
My wife made it more and more apparent to me that I was a slave to the Bitch. She had seen enough. Reaching for the tin while on vacation in Spain. Reaching for the tin while enjoying a sunset on the beach. Reaching for the tin while doing anything and everything. Scrambling to find 7-Elevens open and nearby.
Then one day, I quit. I can't believe I pulled the trigger, cold turkey baby. That was a month ago, which seems like a year ago - and then tomorrow it will seem like yesterday. I look forward to ending my 22 year relationship with the Bitch. That's half of my damn life. How did that happen?
I know this is now my reality. I have embraced my new reality. I like the new me with one less crutch. I want to be free and I will do everything to maintain that freedom, and earn more of it.
Thank you for your (future) support, because I am sure gonna need it, hopefully I can provide equal support to those who need it.
derv
aka derv88
aka Jack
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Interesting. You quit a month ago, joined the site 3 weeks ago, and just posted your intro now. You also have 6 postsÂ…so, have you been posting roll? Interesting in deed.
None-the-less, you say you are quit and have not used nicotine since April 10th. If that is the case, then congratulations. That is no small accomplishment by any means. In order to keep your ball moving in the right direction I think it would be best if you start posting roll with the July quit group and build an accountability network to strengthen your quit. Get involved, stay active. Stop hiding in the shadows and be proud to be quit.
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Get in here and post roll every damn day with your quit group. That's how we do it here.
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Good evening derv.....i been quit of the shit 17 days now and I quit with you today. And I will see you at roll and quit with you tommorow. PM me any time for #'s or anything you need. See you tommorow.....Scoot66.
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Good to hear from you. Let's see what you're made of.
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Derv, you've gotta get consistent on posting roll. It is the only way to succeed and you have a shitty post average. Post up and I will quit with you.
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Derv, you've gotta get consistent on posting roll. It is the only way to succeed and you have a shitty post average. Post up and I will quit with you.
Welcome Derv! Looks like you are on the right path. But, like stated above, post roll and get involved. It really does help!
mb289
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Derv, you've gotta get consistent on posting roll. It is the only way to succeed and you have a shitty post average. Post up and I will quit with you.
Welcome Derv! Looks like you are on the right path. But, like stated above, post roll and get involved. It really does help!
mb289
Listen to these 2, and think about this equation:
Accountability + Brotherhood = Success.
it works, you just have to apply it into your life.
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Derv, you've gotta get consistent on posting roll. It is the only way to succeed and you have a shitty post average. Post up and I will quit with you.
Welcome Derv! Looks like you are on the right path. But, like stated above, post roll and get involved. It really does help!
mb289
Listen to these 2, and think about this equation:
Accountability + Brotherhood = Success.
it works, you just have to apply it into your life.
Four days in a row on roll. That's a good start. Keep posting and you'll keep quitting. Before you know it you'll have that F pulled up to a C.
Quit on!
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Derv, you've gotta get consistent on posting roll. It is the only way to succeed and you have a shitty post average. Post up and I will quit with you.
Welcome Derv! Looks like you are on the right path. But, like stated above, post roll and get involved. It really does help!
mb289
Listen to these 2, and think about this equation:
Accountability + Brotherhood = Success.
it works, you just have to apply it into your life.
Four days in a row on roll. That's a good start. Keep posting and you'll keep quitting. Before you know it you'll have that F pulled up to a C.
Quit on!
Thank you for recognizing. I am quit and am accountable for roll. I am doing this, and getting involved. Been texting couple of times with my brother scoot when in need. It works.
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Derv, you've gotta get consistent on posting roll. It is the only way to succeed and you have a shitty post average. Post up and I will quit with you.
Welcome Derv! Looks like you are on the right path. But, like stated above, post roll and get involved. It really does help!
mb289
Listen to these 2, and think about this equation:
Accountability + Brotherhood = Success.
it works, you just have to apply it into your life.
Four days in a row on roll. That's a good start. Keep posting and you'll keep quitting. Before you know it you'll have that F pulled up to a C.
Quit on!
Thank you for recognizing. I am quit and am accountable for roll. I am doing this, and getting involved. Been texting couple of times with my brother scoot when in need. It works.
well done,
tip - shoot your brother scoot a text even when you don't need. just shoot the sh*t with him.....and get a few more....
but way to go taking those steps.
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Derv, you've gotta get consistent on posting roll. It is the only way to succeed and you have a shitty post average. Post up and I will quit with you.
Welcome Derv! Looks like you are on the right path. But, like stated above, post roll and get involved. It really does help!
mb289
Listen to these 2, and think about this equation:
Accountability + Brotherhood = Success.
it works, you just have to apply it into your life.
Four days in a row on roll. That's a good start. Keep posting and you'll keep quitting. Before you know it you'll have that F pulled up to a C.
Quit on!
Thank you for recognizing. I am quit and am accountable for roll. I am doing this, and getting involved. Been texting couple of times with my brother scoot when in need. It works.
well done,
tip - shoot your brother scoot a text even when you don't need. just shoot the sh*t with him.....and get a few more....
but way to go taking those steps.
Now your quitting hard!
Keep it up. PM me if you need anything.
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So here's what has happened last night...just when I thought I was cruising...night sweats, tossing and turning, weirdly vivid dreams, massive nerve tingling on side of mouth almost feels post dentist novicane shot, stomach issues..Doesn't help some dumb shit was smoking in the hotel stairwell and I can smell that shit coming in from under my door each time I toss and turn. It makes me sick to my stomach literally.
Woke up this am and went to first meeting at 8am. Wanted to tell everyone in meeting to fuck off. Then it dawned on me when thinking about my mood today and what happened last night...the fog had returned!
Once I came to that realization, it lifted almost immediately.
Holy hell this is going to be a full-on war possibly for the rest of my life. What a stupid decision to marry the nic bitch in the first place. Rage toward the nic manufacturers.
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So here's what has happened last night...just when I thought I was cruising...night sweats, tossing and turning, weirdly vivid dreams, massive nerve tingling on side of mouth almost feels post dentist novicane shot, stomach issues..Doesn't help some dumb shit was smoking in the hotel stairwell and I can smell that shit coming in from under my door each time I toss and turn. It makes me sick to my stomach literally.
Woke up this am and went to first meeting at 8am. Wanted to tell everyone in meeting to fuck off. Then it dawned on me when thinking about my mood today and what happened last night...the fog had returned!
Once I came to that realization, it lifted almost immediately.
Holy hell this is going to be a full-on war possibly for the rest of my life. What a stupid decision to marry the nic bitch in the first place. Rage toward the nic manufacturers.
It'll get better bro. I guarantee it. Keep fighting and keep it simple. ODAAT.
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Listen to Griz...He's smarter than the average bear, and he might not snatch your pic-a-nick basket.
I'm around Day 79 and I know what you're feeling. You're bored with your quit. You're feeling like you're probably not going to cave, but sometimes everything just sucks.
I felt like this around day 50. It's been getting better. It will for you, and for all of us. A little trick that I can play now, is when I am having a bad time, I just visualize going to a convenience store, purchasing dip, opening it up, and stuffing a wad in my face. I visualize every step of the process, and then I imagine how I would feel once I had that dip in.
I would feel like the absolute, stupidest motherfucker going. It works.
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Day 38 update and observations from previous week...
It's funny as my quit grows that the nic bitch still speaks to me, but her messages and timing are strategic. It comes when you least expect it. Like a thought that pops into my head telling myself "quit being such a pussy". It comes from out of nowhere, totally unexpected, and in broad daylight. I suspect this is because I have successfully separated my triggers from my previous actions and rewired my subconscious. The bitch has to find alternative routes to deliver her manipulation. The key for me is how to spot them and her, but it's not easy.
Serious challenges coming up for me, first is an annual visit to the Indy 500 for the weekend being around a bunch of addicts like myself, but full disclosure I was the last in my immediate group to KTC (but some of our group still smoke). But addiction will still be everywhere around me. Drunk, sloppy, shitfaced hillbillies with shit and cigs in their mouths will be everywhere. I will be stronger than them no doubt, but keeping myself from pulling people to the side and preaching to them about what I've learned will be my challenge.
Next challenge is more significant, the very next weekend taking my annual guys fishing trip to the UP in Michigan where everyone dips and smokes, including my best friend who I'm driving up and back with. This will be the real deal...I'm concerned and have yet to formulate my strategy but I think next weekends Indy 500 weekend will give me some tools in my toolbox on how to deal in public events like this.
Every day gets slightly better than the last. Dealing with my most serious career challenges also that started right around day 5 of my quit and continue through my quit helps strengthen me that I am able to accomplish this so far.
I've been quiet but with these next two big challenges coming up, I'll likely be reaching out more for support.
Derv
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Day 38 update and observations from previous week...
It's funny as my quit grows that the nic bitch still speaks to me, but her messages and timing are strategic. It comes when you least expect it. Like a thought that pops into my head telling myself "quit being such a pussy". It comes from out of nowhere, totally unexpected, and in broad daylight. I suspect this is because I have successfully separated my triggers from my previous actions and rewired my subconscious. The bitch has to find alternative routes to deliver her manipulation. The key for me is how to spot them and her, but it's not easy.
Serious challenges coming up for me, first is an annual visit to the Indy 500 for the weekend being around a bunch of addicts like myself, but full disclosure I was the last in my immediate group to KTC (but some of our group still smoke). But addiction will still be everywhere around me. Drunk, sloppy, shitfaced hillbillies with shit and cigs in their mouths will be everywhere. I will be stronger than them no doubt, but keeping myself from pulling people to the side and preaching to them about what I've learned will be my challenge.
Next challenge is more significant, the very next weekend taking my annual guys fishing trip to the UP in Michigan where everyone dips and smokes, including my best friend who I'm driving up and back with. This will be the real deal...I'm concerned and have yet to formulate my strategy but I think next weekends Indy 500 weekend will give me some tools in my toolbox on how to deal in public events like this.
Every day gets slightly better than the last. Dealing with my most serious career challenges also that started right around day 5 of my quit and continue through my quit helps strengthen me that I am able to accomplish this so far.
I've been quiet but with these next two big challenges coming up, I'll likely be reaching out more for support.
Derv
Speaking of drunk sloppy shit facedhillbillies.....i with a bunch right at the moment. I guess as hillbilly as you can get here in washington. I am lucky cause drinking is the main source of dereliction going in here. One other guy smoking and ipicked up my sm o key mountain on the way here. Things are good derv other than i get this feeling that something is missing a lot of the time. A gnawing in my guts . I had to leave the party and walk to the local bar just because things seemed off. I know you will do fantastic at your 500 and on your up trip. Man i really don't k ow if I'd survive this without being able to come here. You probably think I'm a lunatic but thanks for the help and being there. Have a great weekend my friend.
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Welcome to the First Floor!
Bad Ass Quitter!
Quit with you today
Wolfe
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It does get better, but yes, you are always going to have to deal with it. We put ourselves here....and this is the price we pay. I will pay it everyday to remain clean and quit! Use that rage to fuel your quit. You will have lows and highs as you continue but never let your guard down. Do what works...
POST ROLL
KEEP YOUR WORD
REPEAT
POST ROLL
KEEP YOUR WORD
REPEAT
Mix in USE YOUR NUMBERS at anytime......there are always plenty of hands reaching out for yours.....you just have to TAKE ONE!
Quit with you.....
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Congrats on the 2nd floor bro! Proud to be quitting EDD with you, and calling you my July DD brother.
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Just like the previous post ... congrats on the next 100, 3rd floor!! 'dance'
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Just like the previous post ... congrats on the next 100, 3rd floor!! 'dance' ------------Smeds
Derv, congrats to my DD brother on the big 300. I look forward to seeing you on day 301. I can't dance like Smedsy so I'll just clap for ya. 'clap'