KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: ForMyFamily on October 07, 2014, 12:16:00 AM
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I am trying to quit. I've chewed since I was 13, I'm now 45. My wife tells me I am weak, and that I must not love my family because I can't (won't) quit. I don't know what to do. I wish I was strong and able to quit. Please help. I don't know much about this site, but don't know where else to turn. I spent 22 years in the Army and have grown to make excuses for not quitting, probably common for most. I continually feel like my body is shutting down, as if cancer is spreading through me, but I never seem to bring myself to put the stuff down. I guess she's right.
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Quitting for anyone else but yourself is a setup for failure. You will just resent others who are trying to get you to stop. You gotta do it for yourself. When you decide it is for you, get back here and learn the tricks of the trade. At that time tell your wife that there is a spousal support section on here so she can find out what kind of hell you will be going through. Is quitting easy, Nope. Is it worth it, HELL YES!!!!! I dipped for about 23 years and am 49 years old. If I can do it, you can do it.
By the way. We don't wish or hope here. We quit!!! We do it daily
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Look to the upper right of your screen. I sent you my digits (phone number) Its in your Inbox
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Raider is right on. You have to quit for yourself. It's the only way it works. Read, read and then read more on this site. Read intros, read words of wisdom, read TOM Kern Story.
FLUSH all the nicotine you have down the toilet and QUIT for yourself. It's worth it.
When you're ready to quit send me a PM- you post roll and I'll support. We are all nicotine addicts here but we are all QUIT. Quit now, quit hard, quit right.
You can do it if you want it. QUIT ON!
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So, how do you post roll?
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So, how do you post roll?
You call me. Check your Inbox, Upper right. I don't just give my number out to anyone
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So, how do you post roll?
You call me. Check your Inbox, Upper right. I don't just give my number out to anyone
Here is a starting point
forum/55560/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/forum/55560/)
That explains it all. If you choose to decide to quit you will be a member of the January 2015 family, yes I said family because that's what we are here. Jan 2015 is the month that you will hit your 100 day mark.
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You can also jump into Live Chat (http://chat.killthecan.org/), I'm in there with another quitter if you'd like to chat, brother. Use it as an aid if you want, I'm in there a bunch.
YOU can do this and YOU will do this. No trying here, only doing. Just know you're not alone in this quit. Let's do this.
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this is for the wife to check out
http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/ (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/)
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I didn't have a chew for like 4 days. Then the wife and I got into a argument and just like that, I ran to get a can. Now I'm back at square one, still sitting here with a can, hoping like hell she doesn't figure out that I started again, and wishing I didn't. Any advise for that?
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Now my 19 year old son chews, she blames me for that. I keep telling him not to do it, but you know how that goes. So his health is on my hands now too.
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I didn't have a chew for like 4 days. Then the wife and I got into a argument and just like that, I ran to get a can. Now I'm back at square one, still sitting here with a can, hoping like hell she doesn't figure out that I started again, and wishing I didn't. Any advise for that?
FLUSH that fucking can and quit man- you can do this!
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I didn't have a chew for like 4 days. Then the wife and I got into a argument and just like that, I ran to get a can. Now I'm back at square one, still sitting here with a can, hoping like hell she doesn't figure out that I started again, and wishing I didn't. Any advise for that?
Yep, DUMP IT IN THE CRAPPER AND FLUSH IT.
I did the same thing as you did a long time ago. I used nicotine to make me feel better. It didn't. The nic bitch is crafty and will tempt you every chance she can get. Get some fake stuff (Smokey Mountain) to help with the initial phases. Seeds, Atomic fireballs, gum, whatever. Just flush the dip and be quit. BUT you gotta do it for YOU and only YOU. You are gonna be a prick for a bit. That's why she needs to read through the spousal support section.
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That's where I get hung up. I throw this one out, then, when the stress of the day comes on, the store is right there. So I struggle with "why throw it out in the first place?" Am I not too far gone already? Is my death bed laid already? I have PTSD, TBI, Multiple disorders of muscle and joint damage from combat, God know's what kind of depleted uranium poisoning...I don't know how to make myself do anything anymore. I have 4 kids and a granddaughter that I know deserve to have me quit and I beat myself up daily for not quitting...you'd think that would be enough. What the hell is wrong with me?
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Poof
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That's where I get hung up. I throw this one out, then, when the stress of the day comes on, the store is right there. So I struggle with "why throw it out in the first place?" Am I not too far gone already? Is my death bed laid already? I have PTSD, TBI, Multiple disorders of muscle and joint damage from combat, God know's what kind of depleted uranium poisoning...I don't know how to make myself do anything anymore. I have 4 kids and a granddaughter that I know deserve to have me quit and I beat myself up daily for not quitting...you'd think that would be enough. What the hell is wrong with me?
I got a guy on here that can probably relate to what you just posted. I'm gonna hit him up and tell him to jump on here.
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Ok
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I guess I don't get what poof means...
poof is what we write when our post doesn't sound like we want it to. Basically Poof and the post is gone.
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We have a shitload of vets (military vets) on here. I too am a vet. 13 years Air Force. The military created a dipping raider. Actually, that's bullshit. I created that myself. This is hard work, quitting that is. You have to really want it for yourself and nobody else. They (the family) will benefit from you quitting.
My question for you is Why do you want to quit? Do YOU really want to quit? If so, you came to the right place.
This place is built on brotherhood and accountability. That is what has kept me from dipping for 221 days and it will keep me from dipping tomorrow.
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By the way. Thank you for your service!!!!
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I want to quit to help me live to see my 3 daughters get married, and to see my next grandchild be born, and to be there for my wife the first day of our retirement. I JUST CANT STOP BUYING AND COMING UP WITH DAMN EXCUSES! I appreciate your words and willingness to help. I just fear my resolve is not enough to see it through. I can't think of any other way to explain it. I was an Infantryman for 22 years. I have been in more firefights than I'd like to remember. I have lived through pains that most people world never experience...but I can't bring my worthless ass to drop a stupid habit?? Who am I kidding?!
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Thank you Raider. You as well.
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Can you be a Man of your word?
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Live Chat (http://chat.killthecan.org/), now.
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That's where I get hung up. I throw this one out, then, when the stress of the day comes on, the store is right there. So I struggle with "why throw it out in the first place?" Am I not too far gone already? Is my death bed laid already? I have PTSD, TBI, Multiple disorders of muscle and joint damage from combat, God know's what kind of depleted uranium poisoning...I don't know how to make myself do anything anymore. I have 4 kids and a granddaughter that I know deserve to have me quit and I beat myself up daily for not quitting...you'd think that would be enough. What the hell is wrong with me?
The stress is worsened by your addiction. You're an addict. That's what's wrong with you and me too. I have been treated for severe anxiety, depression and suspected PTSD from an abusive relationship I was in. I'm not saying that's the same as your PTSD I'm just saying. I had been putting off quitting for years. I thought " if I am this stressed out and miserable now, what in the HELL will happen if I quit dipping!?" Well last Monday I came here and I quit. I had been dipping for about 17 years. I was up to two cans per day. And I just quit. And after about a week you may still have cravings but I can almost guarantee you that you will feel better. You will be less stressed out and you will feel more normal. I was literally terrified to quit. But I am so glad I did. I am 32 and I felt like I was dying. Like my body was just slowly shutting down. I never realized how much the nicotine affected me because I had never quit. Now I am mad as hell that I wasted so many years feeling like shit because of some crap I put in my mouth.
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Well Raider, after 22 years of honorable service, I'd like to say yes. However, I think my word is good to others, I feel like I have to question keeping my word to myself though. I have always taken pride in being forthright and of good moral stature, and I would never go against my word to another. But I really wonder if I could keep a faithful stand to myself. That seems to be my issue. I guess I've grown to not care enough about myself, only for others.
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Well Raider, after 22 years of honorable service, I'd like to say yes. However, I think my word is good to others, I feel like I have to question keeping my word to myself though. I have always taken pride in being forthright and of good moral stature, and I would never go against my word to another. But I really wonder if I could keep a faithful stand to myself. That seems to be my issue. I guess I've grown to not care enough about myself, only for others.
Then post roll and make that promise to us that you'll be nicotine free for 24 hours. The next day wake up, piss, post that promise that you will be nicotine free, then do it again. I think you'll find if you get over the initial hump you are going to start enjoying the freedom of being quit.
You have to take that first step. Make that promise for one day and keep that promise, then do it again. One day at a time and do this! YOU CAN DO THIS IF YOU WANT TO DO THIS!
Lot of support in here for you- you aren't alone in this quit.
Quit with you if you want it!
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Well Raider, after 22 years of honorable service, I'd like to say yes. However, I think my word is good to others, I feel like I have to question keeping my word to myself though. I have always taken pride in being forthright and of good moral stature, and I would never go against my word to another. But I really wonder if I could keep a faithful stand to myself. That seems to be my issue. I guess I've grown to not care enough about myself, only for others.
Then that's what you need to figure out. Let's say you decide that this is for you. Here is a bit of what will happen for the next few days.
Days 1 through 3: The nicotine will be reducing in your body
Post day 3. The nicotine is gone but the cravings will still be there. How do you handle that? By building a web of accountability here. Getting phones numbers from other quitters that WILL support you. You start feeling itchy, you get on chat or call a buddy
The first few weeks will suck. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it but each day will suck less. There are various stages of fog and funk that you will go through. Can you make it? Yes you can. How do we do that, you may ask? there are 3 simple steps to quitting.
1). Post Roll daily
2). be a man of your word
3). Be active around here.
I really hope for yourself that you realize that this is the best thing you can do for yourself. As I said before, quit for you but your family will benefit. My phone number is in your inbox. Use it if you feel the need.
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By the way, my name is Tim and I am an addict. I will always be an addict and I am okay with that.
The ball is in your court now.
Post Roll
Honor your word
be active
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Thank you. I'm sure I will.
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Raider, I still don't know how to post roll...
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Raider, I still don't know how to post roll...
topic/1003072/1/#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1003072/1/#new)
Here ya go. Just do it. Only way to screw up Roll is to not be on it.
I'm here to help if ya need it.
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Raider, I still don't know how to post roll...
topic/1003072/1/#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1003072/1/#new)
Here ya go. Just do it. Only way to screw up Roll is to not be on it.
I'm here to help if ya need it.
here is your Quit Group.
topic/10564902/120/#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10564902/120/#new)
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Hey buddy, thank you for your service. It's much appreciated.
I think your looking too big picture right now. You need to eat this whale in tiny bites.
You have to get very small when you start this journey. You have to take it hour by hour, minute by minute, and even second by second.
You have to grind it out and realize that every second, hour, day that you make it nicotine free that you have scored a small victory. Over time those small victories will add up and your comfort level and overall perspective will change.
You have to re-wire your brain back to the way it's supposed to be. You weren't born with a lip full of poison. You became addicted to it over a period of years. Its going to take some time to fill in all the ruts nicotine carved into your brain.
You have to realize that this is an ADDICTION and not a habit. Chewing your nails is a habit. Big tobacco loads this shit full of chemicals that are meant to keep you going back. They are a sick bunch of assholes.
You can do this. You will do this. You just need to take a deep breath and focus on TODAY and don't let your brain wonder too far down the road.
Quit on...
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Hey buddy, thank you for your service. It's much appreciated.
I think your looking too big picture right now. You need to eat this whale in tiny bites.
You have to get very small when you start this journey. You have to take it hour by hour, minute by minute, and even second by second.
You have to grind it out and realize that every second, hour, day that you make it nicotine free that you have scored a small victory. Over time those small victories will add up and your comfort level and overall perspective will change.
You have to re-wire your brain back to the way it's supposed to be. You weren't born with a lip full of poison. You became addicted to it over a period of years. Its going to take some time to fill in all the ruts nicotine carved into your brain.
You have to realize that this is an ADDICTION and not a habit. Chewing your nails is a habit. Big tobacco loads this shit full of chemicals that are meant to keep you going back. They are a sick bunch of assholes.
You can do this. You will do this. You just need to take a deep breath and focus on TODAY and don't let your brain wonder too far down the road.
Quit on...
Well said Diesel.
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you did it!!! You screwed it up but you DID IT!!! I fixed it for ya. You will get the hang of it. Damn proud of ya brother. Be sure all your stash is GONE. Right down the crapper.
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Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. You CAN do this.
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Thanks. I don't know what else to say right now.
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Thanks. I don't know what else to say right now.
Just be a man of your word.
Arm yourself with seeds, fake stuff, fireballs, whatever you need except tobacco. Enjoy the ride to freedom. It's bumpy as hell but sooooooo worth it. You got my digits, use them if you need them.
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Thanks. I don't know what else to say right now.
Say you're quit. Because you are.
Welcome to the family. We are here for you. We will walk this journey by your side.
Well done Raider.
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Water (and shitloads of it) will help a ton for the first few days. Also keep yourself busy and active. Gets lots of exercise if you can. Just don't sit around because that's when she (the nic bitch) likes to strike. When she calls your name, tell her to eff off. Just do whatever you have to in order to keep it out of your mouth. When you stop at the store, tell them you quit and never to sell you the shit in a can again.
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Water (and shitloads of it) will help a ton for the first few days. Also keep yourself busy and active. Gets lots of exercise if you can. Just don't sit around because that's when she (the nic bitch) likes to strike. When she calls your name, tell her to eff off. Just do whatever you have to in order to keep it out of your mouth. When you stop at the store, tell them you quit and never to sell you the shit in a can again.
BINGO ^^^
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http://www.killthecan.org/your-quit/wha ... t-dipping/ (http://www.killthecan.org/your-quit/what-to-expect-when-you-quit-dipping/)
This may help
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This will be a life saver. Chat is awesome
http://chat.killthecan.org/ (http://chat.killthecan.org/)
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That was epic!!! I have tears in my eyes after reading the replies. The outpouring of help and encouragement was unmatched. KTC is truly a great place where a potential quitter can become 100% quit.
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You have to want this. Do this for yourself. Prove to yourself you don't need it.
Those feelings that push you to open the can are the drug. That's the nicotine talking and your whole life you put one in to make those go away. FUCK THAT NO MORE,if your going to let some worthless dirt in a can tell you how to live your life then you aren't living. Who's in control you or the drug? I will tell you right now that I am in control of my life and since you posted roll your about to take control of yours.
Everyday you're going to post roll. All you have to do is promise yourself you won't use tobacco for 24 hours. You're also promising everyone of us whose name is right next to yours on that Roll. Everyone of us is right here fighting the same war with you making the same EXACT promise.
You have to get over the excuses you give yourself to use. You were 4 days dip free. Nicotine was completely out of your system and you caved because you're weak like your wife said. You're going to have to MAN up and find your inner strength to fight this fight. Where is your will to live ol' man? Are you just going to give the fuck up and let this shit kill you? My grandpa died on day 2 of my quit. I can promise my emotions were equal to if not ALOT worse then what you felt from your "fight/argument". I could have easily caved but I grabbed my balls and took a stand for myself. Use seeds, gum, candy, toothpicks, or fake dip when you are struggling! Do WHATEVER it takes to keep that SHIT out of your mouth. You posted roll so I know you're ready to man up and fight instead of being a pussy about this.
Are you going to let this 22 year old show you up? Or are you going to join me and the others to no longer depend on nicotine and live a free life?
You don't need to answer that. You answered it when you posted roll. I quit with you today brother.
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Thanks. I don't know what else to say right now.
You don't have to say anything. To a degree, we've all been in your shoes in regards to quitting. Reading the dialog in here was just like re-living the first few moments of my quit. Knowing all the excuses and easy outs I'd have access to only complicated my quit. When it comes right down to it, we all choose to quit minute by minute. An impulse is not a choice if ignored; it is merely a passing thought. You my friend, do not want to be a passing thought to your family. What you stood for in service and what you stand against as a quitter now will endear you and your life to your future generations. They will look to you for resolve when times get tough and they want to give up. I've seen this in my own life with our 4 kids and the confidence they show in facing life's obstacles. I am amazed to this day at the outpouring of support we give here to complete strangers. You will do this. When we need to lean, God gives us a fence. Lean on my friend and thank you for your service. Check your inbox for digits.
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Great intro and conversation. Masterpiece of quit.
I'm an addict too and today is 341 days quit. Not worrying about tomorrow. I will just get up and post roll. If I don't get up then it really doesn't matter anymore. In other words, One Day at a Time until there are no more days.
Mogul
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FMF - You have embarked on the best damn decision you'll ever make, and you have some SOLID quitters who have already given you massive quantities of good advice. I'm going to add just a couple more... First, read everything you can on this site about the addiction and how it totally takes over your brain (that's the part that makes you think you're so weak...but you're obviously not). Second, remember when your brain feels like it's going to explode and your chest is heaving because you are suffering from a crave for nicotine --- NICOTINE WITHDRAWAL HAS NEVER KILLED ANYONE. It may seem like you're dying, (that's how insidious that friggin' drug is), but you won't.
You already know this site is built on accountability and posting your word. It's really simple....posting your promise early every day to your quit group and honoring your post. Trade numbers with as many as you can (never know when you'll need to reach out to someone in the middle of one of those aforementioned craves). Welcome to the family of quitters. You keep plodding on one day at a time. You'll make it
Quit with you today!
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FMF - You have embarked on the best damn decision you'll ever make, and you have some SOLID quitters who have already given you massive quantities of good advice. I'm going to add just a couple more... First, read everything you can on this site about the addiction and how it totally takes over your brain (that's the part that makes you think you're so weak...but you're obviously not). Second, remember when your brain feels like it's going to explode and your chest is heaving because you are suffering from a crave for nicotine --- NICOTINE WITHDRAWAL HAS NEVER KILLED ANYONE. It may seem like you're dying, (that's how insidious that friggin' drug is), but you won't.
You already know this site is built on accountability and posting your word. It's really simple....posting your promise early every day to your quit group and honoring your post. Trade numbers with as many as you can (never know when you'll need to reach out to someone in the middle of one of those aforementioned craves). Welcome to the family of quitters. You keep plodding on one day at a time. You'll make it
Quit with you today!
I am a full fledged addict who has not used for 771 days. Every. Single. Day...I say to myself, and to all my quit brothers and sisters, "I quit today. All day. Just today."
Just today for me. Like Diesel said, get small. Just til noon. Just til 9AM. Circle back round again, and re-up.
I mean this very fucking literally: You cannot control tomorrow and you can't change your past from where you are sitting. All you can do, in this day, in this hour and minute, is not use. Kep your word. That it all.
I am proud to be quit with you, for me.
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You are not alone in this quest. There is a ton of quitters here who have two, three, four DECADES of being hitched to the bitch. I'm at day 111 after 34 years of use... never would have made it this far without this brotherhood.You have to man up and say fuck you nic bitch...I hate you! Read the info through out these pages when the craving starts. It's amazing how that helps. Chat is also very helpful.
Learn to use the tools of this quit machine and you will never regret it.
Quit with you EDD Old ES
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You are not alone in this quest. There is a ton of quitters here who have two, three, four DECADES of being hitched to the bitch. I'm at day 111 after 34 years of use... never would have made it this far without this brotherhood.You have to man up and say fuck you nic bitch...I hate you! Read the info through out these pages when the craving starts. It's amazing how that helps. Chat is also very helpful.
Learn to use the tools of this quit machine and you will never regret it.
Quit with you EDD Old ES
you smell that selfishness in boelker62's words?? That is how it is done. Quit for you. Think about it...did we dip for our family???? Hell no, we dipped for us...Let's grow a pair every a.m. and quit for ourselves. Then pay it forward.
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You will hear this a lot " if I can do it, you can to ", and it used to drive me nuts. No one here knew me, and the stress I have, etc. But once you hang out long enough, you find out EVERYONE has problems, and stuffing our faces with poison was just making 2 problems instead of one.
I do not take care of myself, and I was scarred to death to stop using nicotine. It was a crutch, and I knew I would pay the price once I stopped - and I did for about 4 days. And now half a year later I wish I would have sacked up 10 years earlier. Being quit has given me a level of freedom I forgot existed.
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You have recieve so much good advice, Raider has shown what this brotherhood is all about. Sometimes we need to quit one minute at a time. I want to add my thank you to you for your service. I want to add something about the way your wife is acting and saying. She is reacting based on the experience and fear she has. Her lack of faith in your ability to quit is based on past experiences. she lacks knowledge of the addictive properties of nicotine. My wife had long since given up on me ever quitting after 33 years of lying and broken promises. Be patient with her, but also ask her to step up and join you in this process. Ask her to learn with you the power of addiction and what it takes to win against it. My experience was similar to yours in that my wife would just roll her eyes if I said I was quitting. After 2 1/2 years now I thought that we had broken the lack of faith but she still has some doubts, she asked the other day "how are you doing with your fight with nicotine." I guess it really shows that she now knows that the fight never really ends. From a old man that dipped as long as you've been alive, I expect you to put as much effort into quitting as you ever put into anything else in your life. Learn the basics of the site, be as active as possible and use the tools that are here.
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This guy is missing, anyone have his digits?
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This guy is missing, anyone have his digits?
No digits but I did e-mail him. Not responding. He seems to have more on his quit plate than he can handle. I do hope he finds his way back here but I am not holding my breath.
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I was really hoping to see him succeed :/