KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: DBrown on October 03, 2016, 02:06:00 PM
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Never been one to fond of change. Nonetheless, change is needed occasionally. October 1, 2016 I decided to take my life back. I never realized the control I had let dip take. I originally started dipping back in 2002 as a way to stop smoking. Well, that worked because I haven't touched a cigarette since that night. Foolishly I told myself, "hey in getting married no sense in killing us both". I was getting married and thought somehow saving my spouse was a heroic act. I didn't realize that the can would ultimately consume me worse than the pack ever had. I am a creature of habit. I know I didn't start out with my philosophy, but along the way it became, Dip 24-7. Empty lip=need dip. Wake up? Dip. Shower? Dip. Drive? Dip. After food? Dip. Study? Dip. Watch TV? Dip. Well, you get the point. I spit one out, its time for another. I am tired of being controlled. I have decided today and each and every day to live in the facts. Fact is, it may not kill me, but it isnt adding anything to the relationship. Fact is, people quit and I am a people, lol. Fact is, i cant change my past, i am not sure of tomorrow, but I know today. I know now, and now I choose to live. I choose to take back my life today! I wont give in til I'm Victorious! I quit!
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Never been one to fond of change. Nonetheless, change is needed occasionally. October 1, 2016 I decided to take my life back. I never realized the control I had let dip take. I originally started dipping back in 2002 as a way to stop smoking. Well, that worked because I haven't touched a cigarette since that night. Foolishly I told myself, "hey in getting married no sense in killing us both". I was getting married and thought somehow saving my spouse was a heroic act. I didn't realize that the can would ultimately consume me worse than the pack ever had. I am a creature of habit. I know I didn't start out with my philosophy, but along the way it became, Dip 24-7. Empty lip=need dip. Wake up? Dip. Shower? Dip. Drive? Dip. After food? Dip. Study? Dip. Watch TV? Dip. Well, you get the point. I spit one out, its time for another. I am tired of being controlled. I have decided today and each and every day to live in the facts. Fact is, it may not kill me, but it isnt adding anything to the relationship. Fact is, people quit and I am a people, lol. Fact is, i cant change my past, i am not sure of tomorrow, but I know today. I know now, and now I choose to live. I choose to take back my life today! I wont give in til I'm Victorious! I quit!
Welcome DBrown,
I like your energy and drive, make it happen and post roll everyday.
This is a grind, it is hard to quit an addiction but if I can do it, so can you!
ID
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Never been one to fond of change. Nonetheless, change is needed occasionally. October 1, 2016 I decided to take my life back. I never realized the control I had let dip take. I originally started dipping back in 2002 as a way to stop smoking. Well, that worked because I haven't touched a cigarette since that night. Foolishly I told myself, "hey in getting married no sense in killing us both". I was getting married and thought somehow saving my spouse was a heroic act. I didn't realize that the can would ultimately consume me worse than the pack ever had. I am a creature of habit. I know I didn't start out with my philosophy, but along the way it became, Dip 24-7. Empty lip=need dip. Wake up? Dip. Shower? Dip. Drive? Dip. After food? Dip. Study? Dip. Watch TV? Dip. Well, you get the point. I spit one out, its time for another. I am tired of being controlled. I have decided today and each and every day to live in the facts. Fact is, it may not kill me, but it isnt adding anything to the relationship. Fact is, people quit and I am a people, lol. Fact is, i cant change my past, i am not sure of tomorrow, but I know today. I know now, and now I choose to live. I choose to take back my life today! I wont give in til I'm Victorious! I quit!
Welcome DBrown,
I like your energy and drive, make it happen and post roll everyday.
This is a grind, it is hard to quit an addiction but if I can do it, so can you!
ID
Congratulations on finding the way to freedom-- you honestly can't even begin to know what it feels like, yet. But you can earn it, step by step--- it ain't easy but it's simple- follow the method here, give it all you have- the more you put in, the more it can stick. You are changing a way of life, as you are aware, so it is a bit of an investment and work to learn to do things differently.
Welcome to your new life!
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Never been one to fond of change. Nonetheless, change is needed occasionally. October 1, 2016 I decided to take my life back. I never realized the control I had let dip take. I originally started dipping back in 2002 as a way to stop smoking. Well, that worked because I haven't touched a cigarette since that night. Foolishly I told myself, "hey in getting married no sense in killing us both". I was getting married and thought somehow saving my spouse was a heroic act. I didn't realize that the can would ultimately consume me worse than the pack ever had. I am a creature of habit. I know I didn't start out with my philosophy, but along the way it became, Dip 24-7. Empty lip=need dip. Wake up? Dip. Shower? Dip. Drive? Dip. After food? Dip. Study? Dip. Watch TV? Dip. Well, you get the point. I spit one out, its time for another. I am tired of being controlled. I have decided today and each and every day to live in the facts. Fact is, it may not kill me, but it isnt adding anything to the relationship. Fact is, people quit and I am a people, lol. Fact is, i cant change my past, i am not sure of tomorrow, but I know today. I know now, and now I choose to live. I choose to take back my life today! I wont give in til I'm Victorious! I quit!
Welcome DBrown,
I like your energy and drive, make it happen and post roll everyday.
This is a grind, it is hard to quit an addiction but if I can do it, so can you!
ID
Congratulations on finding the way to freedom-- you honestly can't even begin to know what it feels like, yet. But you can earn it, step by step--- it ain't easy but it's simple- follow the method here, give it all you have- the more you put in, the more it can stick. You are changing a way of life, as you are aware, so it is a bit of an investment and work to learn to do things differently.
Welcome to your new life!
You can do this. If I did, you can too. I dipped two cans a day for twenty something years and quitting has been the hardest yet best thing I've ever done. I can tell you without a doubt I couldn't have done it without this site and the Friends I have made here (like the ones who have written to you here already) ODAAT Bro!
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Never been one to fond of change. Nonetheless, change is needed occasionally. October 1, 2016 I decided to take my life back. I never realized the control I had let dip take. I originally started dipping back in 2002 as a way to stop smoking. Well, that worked because I haven't touched a cigarette since that night. Foolishly I told myself, "hey in getting married no sense in killing us both". I was getting married and thought somehow saving my spouse was a heroic act. I didn't realize that the can would ultimately consume me worse than the pack ever had. I am a creature of habit. I know I didn't start out with my philosophy, but along the way it became, Dip 24-7. Empty lip=need dip. Wake up? Dip. Shower? Dip. Drive? Dip. After food? Dip. Study? Dip. Watch TV? Dip. Well, you get the point. I spit one out, its time for another. I am tired of being controlled. I have decided today and each and every day to live in the facts. Fact is, it may not kill me, but it isnt adding anything to the relationship. Fact is, people quit and I am a people, lol. Fact is, i cant change my past, i am not sure of tomorrow, but I know today. I know now, and now I choose to live. I choose to take back my life today! I wont give in til I'm Victorious! I quit!
Welcome DBrown,
I like your energy and drive, make it happen and post roll everyday.
This is a grind, it is hard to quit an addiction but if I can do it, so can you!
ID
Congratulations on finding the way to freedom-- you honestly can't even begin to know what it feels like, yet. But you can earn it, step by step--- it ain't easy but it's simple- follow the method here, give it all you have- the more you put in, the more it can stick. You are changing a way of life, as you are aware, so it is a bit of an investment and work to learn to do things differently.
Welcome to your new life!
You can do this. If I did, you can too. I dipped two cans a day for twenty something years and quitting has been the hardest yet best thing I've ever done. I can tell you without a doubt I couldn't have done it without this site and the Friends I have made here (like the ones who have written to you here already) ODAAT Bro!
I was exactly the same way man....two cans a day with almost no break in between dips. That shit was always in my mouth when I wasn't sleeping (I probably would of dipped in my sleep too if I could do it). Hope to see you on the forums and rocking your quit. PM me if you ever need anything.
-Dan
-Day 86
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Fact is, it may not kill me...
Oh, but, it already has/is/will...
You're not the real you... yet.
That person has been put to death because of your/our addiction.
Here's the amazing thing, though... you can resurrect that guy. But... you have to put in some work. A lot of work, actually. Diligent work. Purposeful work. Sacrificial work.
Redeeming work.
Freeeom comes at a price and getting involved with the KTC method is it. Trust me... do it. Be free, bro. The release of the need to manage your addiction is... glorious.
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Day 3 has been rough. I have only had water, nothing else. I feel like Im sick. My stomach is all tore up. My throat hurts, and the acid reflex is nasty. My mouth feels swollen and tender. My head feels like an elephant is sitting on it. Im tired and cranky. The only time I have moved is to use the bathroom, or switch couch/bed. I haven't spent anytime with my family, because I dont want to be irritable with them. The greatest part of this day.... I still dont want to pack my lip. I haven't even used the Smokey Mountain today. Im working on my third water. I am weak and whiny, but I am NOT a slave to the can. This too shall pass. Thankful for a place to vent.
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Day 3 has been rough. I have only had water, nothing else. I feel like Im sick. My stomach is all tore up. My throat hurts, and the acid reflex is nasty. My mouth feels swollen and tender. My head feels like an elephant is sitting on it. Im tired and cranky. The only time I have moved is to use the bathroom, or switch couch/bed. I haven't spent anytime with my family, because I dont want to be irritable with them. The greatest part of this day.... I still dont want to pack my lip. I haven't even used the Smokey Mountain today. Im working on my third water. I am weak and whiny, but I am NOT a slave to the can. This too shall pass. Thankful for a place to vent.
Awesome to here your almost out of the suck and heading into the fog. With this attitude you got it man if you need anything digits etc mine are a PM away
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Day 3 has been rough. I have only had water, nothing else. I feel like Im sick. My stomach is all tore up. My throat hurts, and the acid reflex is nasty. My mouth feels swollen and tender. My head feels like an elephant is sitting on it. Im tired and cranky. The only time I have moved is to use the bathroom, or switch couch/bed. I haven't spent anytime with my family, because I dont want to be irritable with them. The greatest part of this day.... I still dont want to pack my lip. I haven't even used the Smokey Mountain today. Im working on my third water. I am weak and whiny, but I am NOT a slave to the can. This too shall pass. Thankful for a place to vent.
Awesome to here your almost out of the suck and heading into the fog. With this attitude you got it man if you need anything digits etc mine are a PM away
Dbrown its time to dig deep down and put on the big boy britches and let's get this done. All that going on with you is your body trying to function without that shot in your mouth. It's actually trying to heal itself. More stuff will probably happen to you but one thing im sure quitting has never killed anyone! Damn proud to be quit with you!
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Another day, another victory in the making, right DBrown? how's today starting out? The rewiring IS tough at times. Sometimes you just gotta get through it minute by minute. Overall, it's about to start getting better already. You'll still have hard times, but you're cleaning up and rewiring. All sorts of shit is being flushed from your body.You'll get breaks from the discomfort- soak them in, they are tastes of what freedom can be like. Then bear down to get through the next one. Minute by minute if that's what it takes!
Nice job logging the beginning of the suck in the intro- keep building that quit!
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Another day, another victory in the making, right DBrown? how's today starting out? The rewiring IS tough at times. Sometimes you just gotta get through it minute by minute. Overall, it's about to start getting better already. You'll still have hard times, but you're cleaning up and rewiring. All sorts of shit is being flushed from your body.You'll get breaks from the discomfort- soak them in, they are tastes of what freedom can be like. Then bear down to get through the next one. Minute by minute if that's what it takes!
Nice job logging the beginning of the suck in the intro- keep building that quit!
Im still quite irritable. I have a few sore spots in my mouth. I had a crave so bad about 0230 that I had to put in a Smokey Mountain. It did the trick. I got through that episode and haven't had one since. I was hoping I could stop that as well, but I will not view it as a defeat. I haven't put tobacco in, so I am still winning at quitting. I have still kept holed up in my house. Im going to force myself up and back at it tomorrow. I work weekend nights so my schedule is out of the normal. Sleep has been good. Headache is much weaker. Each day I grow stronger, but today is in front of me. I will not dwell in yesterday, nor search in tomorrow. This moment, I am a quitter! Quit now and reclaim yourself!
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Another day, another victory in the making, right DBrown? how's today starting out? The rewiring IS tough at times. Sometimes you just gotta get through it minute by minute. Overall, it's about to start getting better already. You'll still have hard times, but you're cleaning up and rewiring. All sorts of shit is being flushed from your body.You'll get breaks from the discomfort- soak them in, they are tastes of what freedom can be like. Then bear down to get through the next one. Minute by minute if that's what it takes!
Nice job logging the beginning of the suck in the intro- keep building that quit!
Im still quite irritable. I have a few sore spots in my mouth. I had a crave so bad about 0230 that I had to put in a Smokey Mountain. It did the trick. I got through that episode and haven't had one since. I was hoping I could stop that as well, but I will not view it as a defeat. I haven't put tobacco in, so I am still winning at quitting. I have still kept holed up in my house. Im going to force myself up and back at it tomorrow. I work weekend nights so my schedule is out of the normal. Sleep has been good. Headache is much weaker. Each day I grow stronger, but today is in front of me. I will not dwell in yesterday, nor search in tomorrow. This moment, I am a quitter! Quit now and reclaim yourself!
ODAAT and at times 10 minutes at a time! Use smokey mountain and don't feel guilty, be damn happy every second there's no nicotine entering your body! Stay focused and use us, use your tools, just remember how bad you really want this, there's over 28000 here that says this can be done. Quit on
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So, I didn't realize I was doing it, but I posted my daily recap as part of another post. Anyway, here is the end of day 4. Looking forward to a better day. Ironically, the stronger I find the urge, the angrier I get, and thus the stronger my resolve. You no longer run this vessel. I've chosen a more natural fuel.
Day 4 ended on a frustrating note. Misunderstanding at home and on here add to the lies within. I could go buy a can, pack it real nice, and pack my lip, but what will I solve? My wife will not understand my need to spend my time on here reading success and failure stories. If anything, I would have proven her point by getting angry, going to the store, and giving up. Her doubts in me would be proven right. If I choose to give in, your doubts in me would be proven right. Mostly, if I choose to give in, my belief in me would prove to be wrong. I am more than what is seen. I know who I am. I am a quitter! I quit today! 4 days clean and 5 will be seen.
Also, I have found the Popsicles with the jokes to be surprisingly efficient. It's like being a child again. Grape, Cherry, and Orange. May need an intervention there in the future. 'Crazy'
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So, I didn't realize I was doing it, but I posted my daily recap as part of another post. Anyway, here is the end of day 4. Looking forward to a better day. Ironically, the stronger I find the urge, the angrier I get, and thus the stronger my resolve. You no longer run this vessel. I've chosen a more natural fuel.
Day 4 ended on a frustrating note. Misunderstanding at home and on here add to the lies within. I could go buy a can, pack it real nice, and pack my lip, but what will I solve? My wife will not understand my need to spend my time on here reading success and failure stories. If anything, I would have proven her point by getting angry, going to the store, and giving up. Her doubts in me would be proven right. If I choose to give in, your doubts in me would be proven right. Mostly, if I choose to give in, my belief in me would prove to be wrong. I am more than what is seen. I know who I am. I am a quitter! I quit today! 4 days clean and 5 will be seen.
Also, I have found the Popsicles with the jokes to be surprisingly efficient. It's like being a child again. Grape, Cherry, and Orange. May need an intervention there in the future. 'Crazy'
Man i can still feel that suck i went through when i read what you write. You're doing this! keep strong through it all, eyes on the prize-- one day at a time! As for the popsicles, whatever it takes to keep the crap out of your mouth, do it! This is an all-out battle for a while, and soldiers get messy! Keep it up!
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So, I didn't realize I was doing it, but I posted my daily recap as part of another post. Anyway, here is the end of day 4. Looking forward to a better day. Ironically, the stronger I find the urge, the angrier I get, and thus the stronger my resolve. You no longer run this vessel. I've chosen a more natural fuel.
Day 4 ended on a frustrating note. Misunderstanding at home and on here add to the lies within. I could go buy a can, pack it real nice, and pack my lip, but what will I solve? My wife will not understand my need to spend my time on here reading success and failure stories. If anything, I would have proven her point by getting angry, going to the store, and giving up. Her doubts in me would be proven right. If I choose to give in, your doubts in me would be proven right. Mostly, if I choose to give in, my belief in me would prove to be wrong. I am more than what is seen. I know who I am. I am a quitter! I quit today! 4 days clean and 5 will be seen.
Also, I have found the Popsicles with the jokes to be surprisingly efficient. It's like being a child again. Grape, Cherry, and Orange. May need an intervention there in the future. 'Crazy'
Man i can still feel that suck i went through when i read what you write. You're doing this! keep strong through it all, eyes on the prize-- one day at a time! As for the popsicles, whatever it takes to keep the crap out of your mouth, do it! This is an all-out battle for a while, and soldiers get messy! Keep it up!
I think we all go through quite a bit of recalibration at first and it's on such a massive scale that we want to hide from it.
I think you absolutely realize the lie of nicotine now... it didn't solve anything. Ever. In fact... it made everything much worse by taking away your/our ability to just deal with shit. It was an evil pacifier. This may sound weird but... revel in how much this sucks right now. Wear it with pride that you're winning.
You... are winning for the first time against that shit.
Awesome.
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Day 5 - Woke up today headache free for the first time. I still have a couple of irritating sores in my mouth. Amazing how those show up after I quit. I have spent all day out. I went to church and drove the van to pick up kids. They are usually pretty wild so I was nervous about how irritable I have been. However, even with extra kids tonight, they didn't bother me. Spent nearly three hours with a group of 3rd grade - pre K. Afterword I went and took a meal to a couple unable to get out. Had a good time talking and laughing. Just got home. I actually forgot about it for awhile. 1st thing when I woke up, I thought how would I make it through the day. Once I got moving it was absolutely gone. Then I get home and think about it as I sit to post. I choose to see it in a beautiful light. I woke up defeated with worry. I end day 5 and begin day 6 with hope. Hope and proof that life can be lived and to a fuller extent without the lies of a demon filled lip. Here's to days and moments of beauty. Today I quit, because today I wish to be free. Hang in there! Everyone's different, yet we are all the same. Quit for better or worse.
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So, I didn't realize I was doing it, but I posted my daily recap as part of another post. Anyway, here is the end of day 4. Looking forward to a better day. Ironically, the stronger I find the urge, the angrier I get, and thus the stronger my resolve. You no longer run this vessel. I've chosen a more natural fuel.
Day 4 ended on a frustrating note. Misunderstanding at home and on here add to the lies within. I could go buy a can, pack it real nice, and pack my lip, but what will I solve? My wife will not understand my need to spend my time on here reading success and failure stories. If anything, I would have proven her point by getting angry, going to the store, and giving up. Her doubts in me would be proven right. If I choose to give in, your doubts in me would be proven right. Mostly, if I choose to give in, my belief in me would prove to be wrong. I am more than what is seen. I know who I am. I am a quitter! I quit today! 4 days clean and 5 will be seen.
Also, I have found the Popsicles with the jokes to be surprisingly efficient. It's like being a child again. Grape, Cherry, and Orange. May need an intervention there in the future. 'Crazy'
Your wife might (understandably) have no clue why you need to be tied down and glued to this site. I don't know how your relationship works or how much she knows about your addiction, but you both might benefit from getting her on here. Let her read the spousal support page. Get her reading intro threads and HOF speeches. I think she could glean a lot from doing that, and it might drive her to empower your quit instead of question it.
I quit with you today.
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Day 6 - Today was rather uneventful. Not much feels either way. I started watching Gotham on Netflix. I got lost in the show and before I knew it 9 episodes later when I took a potty break, it was time to sleep for work tonight. I woke up when my wife and son came home with seafood. Ate some fish, played with my son, got ready for work when they went to bed. On my way here I stopped to get an energy drink (another addiction for another day). On my way to the checkout counter, I saw it, in all it's glory... The tobacco saying "love me"!!! Amazingly, as soon as that thought popped into my head another almost instantly appeared...
http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures ... rns-story/ (http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/)
QUOTE - "Two weeks after his surgery he said, “You’re not going to believe this, but I just had a craving for a chew!”
As a tear came to my eye and a lump in my throat, I turned around, grabbed some sunflower seeds, purchased the drinks and seeds, went to my car, and cried like a baby. Why after as many times as I've read story after story, felt the way I have, and have an awesome day such as yesterday, would I possibly even consider for the millisecond I did, to purchase such vile? It will never leave me, although I've left it. SCREW YOU tobacco! I am an 'addict', and I quit today.
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Day 6 - Today was rather uneventful. Not much feels either way. I started watching Gotham on Netflix. I got lost in the show and before I knew it 9 episodes later when I took a potty break, it was time to sleep for work tonight. I woke up when my wife and son came home with seafood. Ate some fish, played with my son, got ready for work when they went to bed. On my way here I stopped to get an energy drink (another addiction for another day). On my way to the checkout counter, I saw it, in all it's glory... The tobacco saying "love me"!!! Amazingly, as soon as that thought popped into my head another almost instantly appeared...
http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures ... rns-story/ (http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/)
QUOTE - "Two weeks after his surgery he said, “You’re not going to believe this, but I just had a craving for a chew!”
As a tear came to my eye and a lump in my throat, I turned around, grabbed some sunflower seeds, purchased the drinks and seeds, went to my car, and cried like a baby. Why after as many times as I've read story after story, felt the way I have, and have an awesome day such as yesterday, would I possibly even consider for the millisecond I did, to purchase such vile? It will never leave me, although I've left it. SCREW YOU tobacco! I am an 'addict', and I quit today.
Addict shouldn't be in quotes. Everyone here is addicted to nicotine. That's the cold truth. You won't find a cure here, but you will find a path to quitting and some great support. If you need digits please send me a PM.
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Day 6 - Today was rather uneventful. Not much feels either way. I started watching Gotham on Netflix. I got lost in the show and before I knew it 9 episodes later when I took a potty break, it was time to sleep for work tonight. I woke up when my wife and son came home with seafood. Ate some fish, played with my son, got ready for work when they went to bed. On my way here I stopped to get an energy drink (another addiction for another day). On my way to the checkout counter, I saw it, in all it's glory... The tobacco saying "love me"!!! Amazingly, as soon as that thought popped into my head another almost instantly appeared...
http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures ... rns-story/ (http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/)
QUOTE - "Two weeks after his surgery he said, “You’re not going to believe this, but I just had a craving for a chew!”
As a tear came to my eye and a lump in my throat, I turned around, grabbed some sunflower seeds, purchased the drinks and seeds, went to my car, and cried like a baby. Why after as many times as I've read story after story, felt the way I have, and have an awesome day such as yesterday, would I possibly even consider for the millisecond I did, to purchase such vile? It will never leave me, although I've left it. SCREW YOU tobacco! I am an 'addict', and I quit today.
Addict shouldn't be in quotes. Everyone here is addicted to nicotine. That's the cold truth. You won't find a cure here, but you will find a path to quitting and some great support. If you need digits please send me a PM.
It's only in quotes, because I finally accept it. It's in reference to an earlier comment made by me that I didn't think it mattered. Day 3 or so I said I didn't see a difference in terminology. In my earliest stage of quit it honestly felt more of a habit than an addiction. Not everyone is the same. It took me a few days to realize I was addicted. I don't think you realize the depths of the addiction until your first clean moment of weakness. Nothing traumatic happened to make me want to get it. There was no trigger I can point to. I went from not thinking anything about it, to it overwhelming me in an instant. So apologies if the quotations offend, but I'm leaving them in my journal, because this is the day and point I came to realize it isn't just habit it's addiction.
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Day 6 - Today was rather uneventful. Not much feels either way. I started watching Gotham on Netflix. I got lost in the show and before I knew it 9 episodes later when I took a potty break, it was time to sleep for work tonight. I woke up when my wife and son came home with seafood. Ate some fish, played with my son, got ready for work when they went to bed. On my way here I stopped to get an energy drink (another addiction for another day). On my way to the checkout counter, I saw it, in all it's glory... The tobacco saying "love me"!!! Amazingly, as soon as that thought popped into my head another almost instantly appeared...
http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures ... rns-story/ (http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/)
QUOTE - "Two weeks after his surgery he said, “You’re not going to believe this, but I just had a craving for a chew!”
As a tear came to my eye and a lump in my throat, I turned around, grabbed some sunflower seeds, purchased the drinks and seeds, went to my car, and cried like a baby. Why after as many times as I've read story after story, felt the way I have, and have an awesome day such as yesterday, would I possibly even consider for the millisecond I did, to purchase such vile? It will never leave me, although I've left it. SCREW YOU tobacco! I am an 'addict', and I quit today.
Addict shouldn't be in quotes. Everyone here is addicted to nicotine. That's the cold truth. You won't find a cure here, but you will find a path to quitting and some great support. If you need digits please send me a PM.
It's only in quotes, because I finally accept it. It's in reference to an earlier comment made by me that I didn't think it mattered. Day 3 or so I said I didn't see a difference in terminology. In my earliest stage of quit it honestly felt more of a habit than an addiction. Not everyone is the same. It took me a few days to realize I was addicted. I don't think you realize the depths of the addiction until your first clean moment of weakness. Nothing traumatic happened to make me want to get it. There was no trigger I can point to. I went from not thinking anything about it, to it overwhelming me in an instant. So apologies if the quotations offend, but I'm leaving them in my journal, because this is the day and point I came to realize it isn't just habit it's addiction.
^^^ good stuff, man, keep learning, recording things, and getting through the curves the addiction throws. Each one you beat is a true victory- you are reprogramming your neural pathways in your brain. It's twisted, but the more discomfort you get through, the more you win!
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Day 7 - Well other than a new "Gotham" addiction, and a spider bite to the 'arse' , not a bad day at all. I got home from work and couldn't sleep so I started watching Gotham. I finally went to bed at 2 and back up at 6. Went to Smokey Bones with the family. Came home and was slightly irritable, but I think it was mostly due to lack of sleep. Family went to bed, I got ready for work, and sometime on my drive to work a freakin spider bit my 'arse' . No crave today, but as yesterday proves, who knows what tomorrow holds.
I'm working on day 8
and it will feel so great.
When this day gets late
and I add another date.
I will rid this plate
of the venom I hate.
So, if you are on the gate
don't be fooled by bait.
There is no time to wait,
because there is no rate.
I may not know your state
but you must obligate.
Today choose your fate!
Not much of poet, but if you read that you know it. 'Crazy'
Seriously, if you read this. Find a way, EWE KIN DUE HIT!!!!!!
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Day 8 - Sleep, and then a million little annoyances. Wishing I never dipped. If I didn't use it then I would never think to use it as a go to. So, I wake up a bit late. This started me off on the wrong foot to begin with. I rush through shower and fall on my ass while getting out. Pack lunch and out the door. Getting into the car I pour my 30oz water all over me and my lunch. No problem. I stop to get my energy drink, and no wallet. I finally get to work and suffer through the final quarter and two overtimes of the Tennessee game, lol. Listening to that game on the radio all I could think was man, I wish I had a dip. Thankfully, they lost so I no longer have to feel so anxious, lol. They should have lost many times this year. Anyway, so now that everything is sort of settled down I am mega sleepy. I'd give my right arm... no I wouldn't, but I'd like to have an energy drink. Through these and other mini bumps today I have made it yet another day QUIT. Time for day 9! Today I will shine!
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Day 8 - Sleep, and then a million little annoyances. Wishing I never dipped. If I didn't use it then I would never think to use it as a go to. So, I wake up a bit late. This started me off on the wrong foot to begin with. I rush through shower and fall on my ass while getting out. Pack lunch and out the door. Getting into the car I pour my 30oz water all over me and my lunch. No problem. I stop to get my energy drink, and no wallet. I finally get to work and suffer through the final quarter and two overtimes of the Tennessee game, lol. Listening to that game on the radio all I could think was man, I wish I had a dip. Thankfully, they lost so I no longer have to feel so anxious, lol. They should have lost many times this year. Anyway, so now that everything is sort of settled down I am mega sleepy. I'd give my right arm... no I wouldn't, but I'd like to have an energy drink. Through these and other mini bumps today I have made it yet another day QUIT. Time for day 9! Today I will shine!
This is gold...
It's life, bro.
And the problem we all had/have is that we numbed dealing with all of it with a pacifier of nicotine. Everything got skewed and our coping mechanism got waaaaaaaay fooked up. The whole process of rewiring ourselves as we quit is pathetic/painful/beautiful.
And humbling.
Even at almost 1,300 days... every now and then I have to deal with a bump in the road. Anymore it's absolutely no problem. None. I owned my quit, and what quitting would require, from day 1. I'm bigger than my addiction. Hell... we all are. Power through like you're doing my man. It's the right way to crush this. Put it in perspective and put it in the rear view mirror as fast as you can. You're putting distance between yourself and your addiction at a rapid pace...
Do NOT slow down!
Rock. On!
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Day 8 - Sleep, and then a million little annoyances. Wishing I never dipped. If I didn't use it then I would never think to use it as a go to. So, I wake up a bit late. This started me off on the wrong foot to begin with. I rush through shower and fall on my ass while getting out. Pack lunch and out the door. Getting into the car I pour my 30oz water all over me and my lunch. No problem. I stop to get my energy drink, and no wallet. I finally get to work and suffer through the final quarter and two overtimes of the Tennessee game, lol. Listening to that game on the radio all I could think was man, I wish I had a dip. Thankfully, they lost so I no longer have to feel so anxious, lol. They should have lost many times this year. Anyway, so now that everything is sort of settled down I am mega sleepy. I'd give my right arm... no I wouldn't, but I'd like to have an energy drink. Through these and other mini bumps today I have made it yet another day QUIT. Time for day 9! Today I will shine!
This is gold...
It's life, bro.
And the problem we all had/have is that we numbed dealing with all of it with a pacifier of nicotine. Everything got skewed and our coping mechanism got waaaaaaaay fooked up. The whole process of rewiring ourselves as we quit is pathetic/painful/beautiful.
And humbling.
Even at almost 1,300 days... every now and then I have to deal with a bump in the road. Anymore it's absolutely no problem. None. I owned my quit, and what quitting would require, from day 1. I'm bigger than my addiction. Hell... we all are. Power through like you're doing my man. It's the right way to crush this. Put it in perspective and put it in the rear view mirror as fast as you can. You're putting distance between yourself and your addiction at a rapid pace...
Do NOT slow down!
Rock. On!
Like AJ says bumps are always gonna be there with or without dip. Would your problems be any better without dip? Absolutely not. This is your quit, own it, be the boss! Just remember next week when we're spanking that tail, there's nothing that will help but to turn it off and walk away! Lol! Quit on my friend and remember, being quit is golden and it don't get any better than quit!
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AJ, thank you for the encouragement. It helps a lot to hold myself accountable to a daily roll, and a daily post. I can't imagine having to add the words "I caved" to my post. I quit today.
pab, they did me a favor this week by losing. I no longer have to stress over games, since they have technically removed themselves from the playoff. The only way it changes is if they beat Bama and then Bama beat the Aggies the next week. The odds aren't in our favor, Katniss. However, the East is still in reach. I will take it.
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Day 9 - Sleep, shower, work, MF'n FAAAAAAWWWWGGGG!!!! I don't even know what to type. I'm so gone right now. Yet quit on, I must. 'Finger' this 'flush' . I just want to go to bed. Man what a whiny post. Day 10 - I will win again!!!
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Keep those wins stacking up! Fog clear yet? I had it for a L O N G time. Seriously thought my brain was damages from all the nicotine bath i gave it for years. Each challenge you face is a desparate attempt by nicotine to lure or force you back. You've got the right approach... keep getting through them one by win, stacking up the daily count!
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I am just starting day 14, and I'm finally starting to figure this thing out somewhat. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I have it all figured out. I'm not even saying I'm anywhere close to having it all figured out. When I decided to quit it was easy. I just didn't want to do it anymore. The first couple of days weren't as bad as I thought they would be. My desire to quit was louder than my desire to continue. Every time you think you have control and life is easier you tend to let your guard down. Just when you think you are past a certain stage you realize you haven't even begun to fight. Nic is a tricky beast. It preys upon your weakness. It is different for everyone. It will never let go. I'm realizing that, because every win on my journey is met with a crushing blow.
Rocky said it best, “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”
Today and everyday is a win. No matter how many times I've been knocked down or how hard I've been hit, I have and will continue to move forward. I am still trying to figure out who it is that I am. I am not who I was yesterday and tomorrow I won't be who I am now. In my weakness, I grow stronger. In my strength, I grow weaker. I admit I am weak. I allowed a plant to control me for 20 years. I was literally at it's command. When you have to step away from life to "enjoy the fix", then the fix keeps you from "enjoying life". I gained control back the moment I quit. My pride in myself grew for a week and a half. My strength was growing and I knew I had this. Until finally my strength ran out. I realized I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't been in control in 20 years. What do I do when I don't have to run from my problems, but am not sure how to face them? What do I do when I no longer seek to numb the pains, but don't know how to treat them properly? Well, I've had to realize at the core who I am, and who I want to be. I am not satisfied with mere existence. I don't want to permanently stay upon my knees. I don't want to wallow in the pity of self. It was finally time. I pulled myself up. I realized life is life no matter what you use to escape or numb it. If you think that Nic or any other substance for that matter will help, you are sadly mistaken. It only adds to the problems, money spent, time lost, health decline, etc. Quitting doesn't make life any easier, but it sure as hell makes it less complicated. What seemed as life piling on, was merely things already existing. I had been blinded by my escape and numbing. Now that I faced them and felt like I couldn't do it alone, but would not allow Nic to help, I am beginning to realize that's life. I'm sure life isn't done kicking my ass, but guess what I'm not done getting up. I choose life. I choose me. I choose to quit.... and that my friends is how winning is done. Let's beat this shit together, today. Forget yesterday, and leave tomorrow where it is. Today, YOU keep moving forward.
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I am just starting day 14, and I'm finally starting to figure this thing out somewhat. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I have it all figured out. I'm not even saying I'm anywhere close to having it all figured out. When I decided to quit it was easy. I just didn't want to do it anymore. The first couple of days weren't as bad as I thought they would be. My desire to quit was louder than my desire to continue. Every time you think you have control and life is easier you tend to let your guard down. Just when you think you are past a certain stage you realize you haven't even begun to fight. Nic is a tricky beast. It preys upon your weakness. It is different for everyone. It will never let go. I'm realizing that, because every win on my journey is met with a crushing blow.
Rocky said it best, “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”
Today and everyday is a win. No matter how many times I've been knocked down or how hard I've been hit, I have and will continue to move forward. I am still trying to figure out who it is that I am. I am not who I was yesterday and tomorrow I won't be who I am now. In my weakness, I grow stronger. In my strength, I grow weaker. I admit I am weak. I allowed a plant to control me for 20 years. I was literally at it's command. When you have to step away from life to "enjoy the fix", then the fix keeps you from "enjoying life". I gained control back the moment I quit. My pride in myself grew for a week and a half. My strength was growing and I knew I had this. Until finally my strength ran out. I realized I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't been in control in 20 years. What do I do when I don't have to run from my problems, but am not sure how to face them? What do I do when I no longer seek to numb the pains, but don't know how to treat them properly? Well, I've had to realize at the core who I am, and who I want to be. I am not satisfied with mere existence. I don't want to permanently stay upon my knees. I don't want to wallow in the pity of self. It was finally time. I pulled myself up. I realized life is life no matter what you use to escape or numb it. If you think that Nic or any other substance for that matter will help, you are sadly mistaken. It only adds to the problems, money spent, time lost, health decline, etc. Quitting doesn't make life any easier, but it sure as hell makes it less complicated. What seemed as life piling on, was merely things already existing. I had been blinded by my escape and numbing. Now that I faced them and felt like I couldn't do it alone, but would not allow Nic to help, I am beginning to realize that's life. I'm sure life isn't done kicking my ass, but guess what I'm not done getting up. I choose life. I choose me. I choose to quit.... and that my friends is how winning is done. Let's beat this shit together, today. Forget yesterday, and leave tomorrow where it is. Today, YOU keep moving forward.
Most. Excellent!
Even if nobody knows, or cares, that you quit... you do.
Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and see freedom is beyond words. Freedom will keep defining itself the more days you add up. At almost 1,300.days it means something far different to me than it did at 50, 100, 500, and so on.
Rock on, brother!
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I am just starting day 14, and I'm finally starting to figure this thing out somewhat. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I have it all figured out. I'm not even saying I'm anywhere close to having it all figured out. When I decided to quit it was easy. I just didn't want to do it anymore. The first couple of days weren't as bad as I thought they would be. My desire to quit was louder than my desire to continue. Every time you think you have control and life is easier you tend to let your guard down. Just when you think you are past a certain stage you realize you haven't even begun to fight. Nic is a tricky beast. It preys upon your weakness. It is different for everyone. It will never let go. I'm realizing that, because every win on my journey is met with a crushing blow.
Rocky said it best, “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”
Today and everyday is a win. No matter how many times I've been knocked down or how hard I've been hit, I have and will continue to move forward. I am still trying to figure out who it is that I am. I am not who I was yesterday and tomorrow I won't be who I am now. In my weakness, I grow stronger. In my strength, I grow weaker. I admit I am weak. I allowed a plant to control me for 20 years. I was literally at it's command. When you have to step away from life to "enjoy the fix", then the fix keeps you from "enjoying life". I gained control back the moment I quit. My pride in myself grew for a week and a half. My strength was growing and I knew I had this. Until finally my strength ran out. I realized I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't been in control in 20 years. What do I do when I don't have to run from my problems, but am not sure how to face them? What do I do when I no longer seek to numb the pains, but don't know how to treat them properly? Well, I've had to realize at the core who I am, and who I want to be. I am not satisfied with mere existence. I don't want to permanently stay upon my knees. I don't want to wallow in the pity of self. It was finally time. I pulled myself up. I realized life is life no matter what you use to escape or numb it. If you think that Nic or any other substance for that matter will help, you are sadly mistaken. It only adds to the problems, money spent, time lost, health decline, etc. Quitting doesn't make life any easier, but it sure as hell makes it less complicated. What seemed as life piling on, was merely things already existing. I had been blinded by my escape and numbing. Now that I faced them and felt like I couldn't do it alone, but would not allow Nic to help, I am beginning to realize that's life. I'm sure life isn't done kicking my ass, but guess what I'm not done getting up. I choose life. I choose me. I choose to quit.... and that my friends is how winning is done. Let's beat this shit together, today. Forget yesterday, and leave tomorrow where it is. Today, YOU keep moving forward.
Most. Excellent!
Even if nobody knows, or cares, that you quit... you do.
Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and see freedom is beyond words. Freedom will keep defining itself the more days you add up. At almost 1,300.days it means something far different to me than it did at 50, 100, 500, and so on.
Rock on, brother!
AJ knows! and it's so good to read your perspective DBrown. Every win is a WIN though, and even over 1000 days myself I still have chances to celebrate. Yes, there are still pulls, urges, etc. But they are weaker and the FREEDOM gets more amazing all the time. It really does keep changing. Maybe it will stop growing after about 30 years (the time i used) but until then, bring it on, it's worth the discomfort. Plus, you learn all the tools in the first 100 days or so, and build your support, so the quit gets habitual and easier over time.
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I am just starting day 14, and I'm finally starting to figure this thing out somewhat. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I have it all figured out. I'm not even saying I'm anywhere close to having it all figured out. When I decided to quit it was easy. I just didn't want to do it anymore. The first couple of days weren't as bad as I thought they would be. My desire to quit was louder than my desire to continue. Every time you think you have control and life is easier you tend to let your guard down. Just when you think you are past a certain stage you realize you haven't even begun to fight. Nic is a tricky beast. It preys upon your weakness. It is different for everyone. It will never let go. I'm realizing that, because every win on my journey is met with a crushing blow.
Rocky said it best, “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”
Today and everyday is a win. No matter how many times I've been knocked down or how hard I've been hit, I have and will continue to move forward. I am still trying to figure out who it is that I am. I am not who I was yesterday and tomorrow I won't be who I am now. In my weakness, I grow stronger. In my strength, I grow weaker. I admit I am weak. I allowed a plant to control me for 20 years. I was literally at it's command. When you have to step away from life to "enjoy the fix", then the fix keeps you from "enjoying life". I gained control back the moment I quit. My pride in myself grew for a week and a half. My strength was growing and I knew I had this. Until finally my strength ran out. I realized I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't been in control in 20 years. What do I do when I don't have to run from my problems, but am not sure how to face them? What do I do when I no longer seek to numb the pains, but don't know how to treat them properly? Well, I've had to realize at the core who I am, and who I want to be. I am not satisfied with mere existence. I don't want to permanently stay upon my knees. I don't want to wallow in the pity of self. It was finally time. I pulled myself up. I realized life is life no matter what you use to escape or numb it. If you think that Nic or any other substance for that matter will help, you are sadly mistaken. It only adds to the problems, money spent, time lost, health decline, etc. Quitting doesn't make life any easier, but it sure as hell makes it less complicated. What seemed as life piling on, was merely things already existing. I had been blinded by my escape and numbing. Now that I faced them and felt like I couldn't do it alone, but would not allow Nic to help, I am beginning to realize that's life. I'm sure life isn't done kicking my ass, but guess what I'm not done getting up. I choose life. I choose me. I choose to quit.... and that my friends is how winning is done. Let's beat this shit together, today. Forget yesterday, and leave tomorrow where it is. Today, YOU keep moving forward.
This is great perspective 14 days in. Might belong in the Words of Wisdom section. Thank you - your words have helped someone at 406 days quit realize that they need to get on roll tomorrow. ;)
Keep up the quit DBrown! I quit with you today!
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So, day 15 draws to a close and 16 begins. The 16th is my 12th wedding anniversary. I started smoking when I was 16. I changed to dip before getting married. My wife never asked me to change. I made the change believing I was doing her a favor. I understand that this journey is for me. However, I'm excited to know that this will be our first anniversary that I've been free. In the 14 years that she has known me, she has shared me. How many times were romantic moments ruined, because I had a dip in? How many times over the years have I chosen it over her? Well... none of that matters anymore. It no longer owns me. I love the fact that I no longer need to cling to the can. I've had some attitude issues along the journey, but not once have I had to turn away any 'lovin' due to dip. Now, I have even more free time for these lips. I'm sure yall don't want to hear about that. I just have to log this as a reminder of how much better freedom is.
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So, day 15 draws to a close and 16 begins. The 16th is my 12th wedding anniversary. I started smoking when I was 16. I changed to dip before getting married. My wife never asked me to change. I made the change believing I was doing her a favor. I understand that this journey is for me. However, I'm excited to know that this will be our first anniversary that I've been free. In the 14 years that she has known me, she has shared me. How many times were romantic moments ruined, because I had a dip in? How many times over the years have I chosen it over her? Well... none of that matters anymore. It no longer owns me. I love the fact that I no longer need to cling to the can. I've had some attitude issues along the journey, but not once have I had to turn away any 'lovin' due to dip. Now, I have even more free time for these lips. I'm sure yall don't want to hear about that. I just have to log this as a reminder of how much better freedom is.
Damn skippy and it just keeps getting better! You will notice much better health, colds, sinuses etc. Only way to screw all this up is to not be a man and stick that catshit in your mouth! Quit on!
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Day 20 draws to a close. 21 days!!! Three weeks!!! Almost 1/4 of 100. 1st day of the rest of my life. So, I celebrated me today. Can I just say real quick how much I appreciate this site and the hope it gives. Next, I want to thank those that reach out in time of need. My wife is still dealing with wicked vertigo, so I was up this morning taking her to work and my son to school. She works a good way from home, so I thought I would spend the day celebrating my quit. Can I be completely honest for a minute? This will possibly sound stupid, but it also may help someone. Guess what the first thing to do to celebrate was to cross my mind. A mother f'n dip!!! Can you believe that? Seriously? Sadly, yes. So I'm going to celebrate being "can" free with a can??? OH MY GAWD!!! The grip this shit has is real. Don't ever be fooled into thinking you've won. You never win, but you keep winning. The only way to keep winning is to keep quitting. So, anyway, I spent the day in the woods by the river. I celebrated me by taking in all the things around me. The simple joys of life that are forgotten. The paths my feet trod no longer litter with "the juice". The things I touched no longer with stained fingers. The breaths I took were deeper and tasted sweeter. Sounds of rushing water, birds flapping, squirrels scattering, leaves falling, but no thud of can packing. Sat down on the riverbank with no can to throw off my balance, lol. I wasn't worried about what I would do if I ran out while out here in the middle of nowhere. It had no hold on me. It tried desperately to grab me this morning, but I made a promise. My word is all I have in this world. I could lose my money tomorrow. My house could burn to the ground. My car could be totaled. My wife could leave me and take my son. My health could fail. Anything could happen, but one thing I will always have is my word. I give you my word today and everyday. Quitting is different for all, but the same for all. The Nic demon knows you personally. It knows your strength. It knows your weakness. It doesn't always come boldy. It will sneak in. It will do whatever it takes to get you back. If you are that important to it, you MUST be even more important to yourself. Don't be a slave to it! Choose freedom! Choose life! Choose YOU!!! You are worth more than any lie it feeds. YOU ARE QUIT!!! Ain't it beautiful? KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!!!
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Day 20 draws to a close. 21 days!!! Three weeks!!! Almost 1/4 of 100. 1st day of the rest of my life. So, I celebrated me today. Can I just say real quick how much I appreciate this site and the hope it gives. Next, I want to thank those that reach out in time of need. My wife is still dealing with wicked vertigo, so I was up this morning taking her to work and my son to school. She works a good way from home, so I thought I would spend the day celebrating my quit. Can I be completely honest for a minute? This will possibly sound stupid, but it also may help someone. Guess what the first thing to do to celebrate was to cross my mind. A mother f'n dip!!! Can you believe that? Seriously? Sadly, yes. So I'm going to celebrate being "can" free with a can??? OH MY GAWD!!! The grip this shit has is real. Don't ever be fooled into thinking you've won. You never win, but you keep winning. The only way to keep winning is to keep quitting. So, anyway, I spent the day in the woods by the river. I celebrated me by taking in all the things around me. The simple joys of life that are forgotten. The paths my feet trod no longer litter with "the juice". The things I touched no longer with stained fingers. The breaths I took were deeper and tasted sweeter. Sounds of rushing water, birds flapping, squirrels scattering, leaves falling, but no thud of can packing. Sat down on the riverbank with no can to throw off my balance, lol. I wasn't worried about what I would do if I ran out while out here in the middle of nowhere. It had no hold on me. It tried desperately to grab me this morning, but I made a promise. My word is all I have in this world. I could lose my money tomorrow. My house could burn to the ground. My car could be totaled. My wife could leave me and take my son. My health could fail. Anything could happen, but one thing I will always have is my word. I give you my word today and everyday. Quitting is different for all, but the same for all. The Nic demon knows you personally. It knows your strength. It knows your weakness. It doesn't always come boldy. It will sneak in. It will do whatever it takes to get you back. If you are that important to it, you MUST be even more important to yourself. Don't be a slave to it! Choose freedom! Choose life! Choose YOU!!! You are worth more than any lie it feeds. YOU ARE QUIT!!! Ain't it beautiful? KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!!!
Great post DBrown and I love how you celebrated (after stiff-arming the nic bitch). I also noticed that spending time in nature without dip involves new sensations and a calm that lets me notice and appreciate my surroundings. Armed with your promise and integrity you will continue to see and feel new things that were obscured by nicotine and the addiction. Quit on brother!
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Day 24 is almost upon us. 23 days of freedom, and I'm still fighting the desire to return to slavery. Amazing how when one is free, they can look back and find comfort in chains. The thing about freedom is it's unknown. Sure the day can be great, but it could also be horrible. At least when I was in bonds, Pharoah Nic was there for me. When life was uncertain there was always comfort in knowing that someone else had control. I just need only place all my trust in him. Nic only has it's best interest at heart. Your money, your life, your all. See, 23 days in I'm sitting here without a dip in my mouth, thinking man it was great to be able to sit back and relax while spitting my cares away. Nic took the stress away. Now here I am in freedom and I have nothing to do. I'm stressing and no one can take that away from me like Nic did. Nic wasn't that bad of a guy was he? HELL YES! NIC IS A BEAST! Everything I was, was placed into empowering him and weakening me. As my money helped to build his empire, it robbed me of my own. Did he care that, that $3.50 could have been used elsewhere? Sure didn't. Sitting at day 24 I will have saved myself $84. Listen, this may sound a bit dramatic to some, but you need to see the ugly truth. NIC is an addiction. Addiction seeks nothing more than to use you up and spit you out. Addiction doesn't care about you. It will use you for everything it can get out of you, and then move on to the next poor soul, which is possibly someone you love that is merely following in your footsteps. Nic never cared for me. Nic never offered me anything. Nic only told me what I wanted to hear. I'm glad someone stepped up and started this community. Someone stepped out and said "Hey Nic, Let my people go!" Now here we are wandering in this desert. We have been through the suck, the fog, etc. After all we've been through and the moments of clarity where we have seen a marvelous new life, we begin to grow uncertain. Maybe slavery wasn't so bad. I mean sure Nic kills people, he takes my money, he ruins my relationships, he is nasty, he is oppressive, but look at all the good things Nic does for us... "I will not let your people go!"... Don't look back, QUIT ON! ONWARD TO THE PROMISED LAND!!!
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Day 25 - I'm a quarter of the way to the 100 mark. Yet, that's just a stop off along the journey. Find a way to celebrate each day. Become as addicted to the quit as you were to the can. I slept for 15 hours. So, if you are worried about the sleepless nights along the way, don't it will come. 700pm-10am. There are still some bumps to smooth out. I still crave on trips in the car. Three hour drive, I consumed 20 pieces of gum. That'll be another 20 back. Work at times when it's slow. I'm security so that's most of the time. Honestly though how sad is it that the majority of the time I want dip now is out of boredom. Nothing to do, how about kill yourself. Worst philosophy ever. Anyway, just needed to place a marker today for myself. I don't know what tomorrow holds, or whether I will be there. What I do know is that today holds opportunity, and now I am here. In this moment I choose me. I quit with all of you today. Find a reason...
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Day 28 and I am numb. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be there. I don't want to be anywhere. I'm in the middle of a horrible Dr. Suess book.
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Day 28 and I am numb. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be there. I don't want to be anywhere. I'm in the middle of a horrible Dr. Suess book.
We all got that feeling at times DBrown. The fog and frustration can seem overwhelming, especially when the nic bitch is still whispering lies and sowing doubt in you. But I promise you that it keeps getting better. Once you make that promise today you will know in your heart exactly where you are and why you are quit.
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Day 25 - I'm a quarter of the way to the 100 mark. Yet, that's just a stop off along the journey. Find a way to celebrate each day. Become as addicted to the quit as you were to the can. I slept for 15 hours. So, if you are worried about the sleepless nights along the way, don't it will come. 700pm-10am. There are still some bumps to smooth out. I still crave on trips in the car. Three hour drive, I consumed 20 pieces of gum. That'll be another 20 back. Work at times when it's slow. I'm security so that's most of the time. Honestly though how sad is it that the majority of the time I want dip now is out of boredom. Nothing to do, how about kill yourself. Worst philosophy ever. Anyway, just needed to place a marker today for myself. I don't know what tomorrow holds, or whether I will be there. What I do know is that today holds opportunity, and now I am here. In this moment I choose me. I quit with all of you today. Find a reason...
This blog entry helped me make my final decision to quit on Oct 27th! Thank you! Keep the quit going! Keep the honesty flowing! I quit with you today!
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Day 25 - I'm a quarter of the way to the 100 mark. Yet, that's just a stop off along the journey. Find a way to celebrate each day. Become as addicted to the quit as you were to the can. I slept for 15 hours. So, if you are worried about the sleepless nights along the way, don't it will come. 700pm-10am. There are still some bumps to smooth out. I still crave on trips in the car. Three hour drive, I consumed 20 pieces of gum. That'll be another 20 back. Work at times when it's slow. I'm security so that's most of the time. Honestly though how sad is it that the majority of the time I want dip now is out of boredom. Nothing to do, how about kill yourself. Worst philosophy ever. Anyway, just needed to place a marker today for myself. I don't know what tomorrow holds, or whether I will be there. What I do know is that today holds opportunity, and now I am here. In this moment I choose me. I quit with all of you today. Find a reason...
This blog entry helped me make my final decision to quit on Oct 27th! Thank you! Keep the quit going! Keep the honesty flowing! I quit with you today!
Thanks! I needed that.
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KTC in action. Sweet! Good job men.
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29 starts with a recommitment. I was beginning to fade. I wasn't longing for a dip. I was just floating, but my raft had a slow leak. I didn't realize it was leaking or that I had started to sink. All I knew is something was most definitely not right. I was going through the motions and had lost sight of what my purpose was. In my numbness, I acted out of habit. I'm use to logging in and posting role. I'm used to clicking through the sight. I continued to do such. An unexpected thing happened. Someone, brand new to this world of quit, actually said my post "helped" them make their final decision. What? I'm falling apart over here. How can I help? It's important to be as honest on this journey as you can. It's important to journal the positives and the negatives. We never know who will read and who will need our story. Even more than that it is important to chronicle your history for your own self. In your weakness or numbness or victories, you can look back at everything you have gone through to bring you where you are today. One of the things that makes today so special and will help you to not take it for granted is to remember where you have been. I know I have stated that you must live in now, that yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't promised. There is a flaw in that method. If you completely forget the past you may not fully comprehend the present. Maybe a better way to view the past would be to forgive the past, but not forget. If not for yesterday, then you wouldn't be the amazing person you are at this moment. You also wouldn't know that it's possible to continue to become even greater. So, looking forward today I proudly say I CHOOSE ME. I continue to be free. I Quit today, because of yesterday. FIGHT ON!
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29 starts with a recommitment. I was beginning to fade. I wasn't longing for a dip. I was just floating, but my raft had a slow leak. I didn't realize it was leaking or that I had started to sink. All I knew is something was most definitely not right. I was going through the motions and had lost sight of what my purpose was. In my numbness, I acted out of habit. I'm use to logging in and posting role. I'm used to clicking through the sight. I continued to do such. An unexpected thing happened. Someone, brand new to this world of quit, actually said my post "helped" them make their final decision. What? I'm falling apart over here. How can I help? It's important to be as honest on this journey as you can. It's important to journal the positives and the negatives. We never know who will read and who will need our story. Even more than that it is important to chronicle your history for your own self. In your weakness or numbness or victories, you can look back at everything you have gone through to bring you where you are today. One of the things that makes today so special and will help you to not take it for granted is to remember where you have been. I know I have stated that you must live in now, that yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't promised. There is a flaw in that method. If you completely forget the past you may not fully comprehend the present. Maybe a better way to view the past would be to forgive the past, but not forget. If not for yesterday, then you wouldn't be the amazing person you are at this moment. You also wouldn't know that it's possible to continue to become even greater. So, looking forward today I proudly say I CHOOSE ME. I continue to be free. I Quit today, because of yesterday. FIGHT ON!
Hey DBrown, I am sure that many here have been helped by your posts, myself included. I have been following you from the start and I said to myself "here's somebody that is going through the same things I am, if he can do it so can I." You express your thoughts and emotions so well. You are an inspiration. Stay addicted to the Quit.
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29 starts with a recommitment. I was beginning to fade. I wasn't longing for a dip. I was just floating, but my raft had a slow leak. I didn't realize it was leaking or that I had started to sink. All I knew is something was most definitely not right. I was going through the motions and had lost sight of what my purpose was. In my numbness, I acted out of habit. I'm use to logging in and posting role. I'm used to clicking through the sight. I continued to do such. An unexpected thing happened. Someone, brand new to this world of quit, actually said my post "helped" them make their final decision. What? I'm falling apart over here. How can I help? It's important to be as honest on this journey as you can. It's important to journal the positives and the negatives. We never know who will read and who will need our story. Even more than that it is important to chronicle your history for your own self. In your weakness or numbness or victories, you can look back at everything you have gone through to bring you where you are today. One of the things that makes today so special and will help you to not take it for granted is to remember where you have been. I know I have stated that you must live in now, that yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't promised. There is a flaw in that method. If you completely forget the past you may not fully comprehend the present. Maybe a better way to view the past would be to forgive the past, but not forget. If not for yesterday, then you wouldn't be the amazing person you are at this moment. You also wouldn't know that it's possible to continue to become even greater. So, looking forward today I proudly say I CHOOSE ME. I continue to be free. I Quit today, because of yesterday. FIGHT ON!
Hey DBrown, I am sure that many here have been helped by your posts, myself included. I have been following you from the start and I said to myself "here's somebody that is going through the same things I am, if he can do it so can I." You express your thoughts and emotions so well. You are an inspiration. Stay addicted to the Quit.
Thank you! Glad my journey is a help to you!
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31 days - 1 month - HAPPY HALLOWEEN! -
Keep your finger off the trigger. The only finger you should apply to the trigger is this one 'Finger' . If you have not done so, I recommend taking time to sit and list out 'ALL' possible triggers and ways to escape. I was met with one today that I was unprepared for. I thought I had everything covered. I am a security guard and we have a lost and found. Guess what was turned in??? Guess what has been on my mind all night??? I've been here for 10 years. Guess how many times we've had a can of tobacco turned in??? NONE, until now. I have been here for 8 hours with 4 more to go. I can't just dump it. We have to wait 30 days until an item is unclaimed for disposal. Out of sight/Out of mind doesn't seem to be working. It's right there all I have to do is... WAIT!!! WTF??? SERIOUSLY, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. ARE YOU ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT STEALING A DIP??? YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND!!! You are willing to break the rules to take not only a nasty dip, but a nasty dip from who knows where it's been. If you are willing to break the rules to do anything, it should be to open up the can and pour it out. I never expected this to be a problem. I AM NUTSO 'Crazy' !!! I hate this, I truly do. Keep in mind that ADDICTION will take any avenue back into your life. I won't give in. WHY? I've worked too hard to get where I am. I am worth a lot more than a momentary lapse of judgment. I have already given my word, today. I will finish my four hours strong, and will drive straight home and hide under the covers until the bad can goes away. OK, so maybe I am making this out to be a bit worse than it actually is, OVERDRAMATIC. It still needs to be understood and never understated. THIS IS AN ADDICTION! IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY! Stay addicted to the quit, because it can go away. If you ever get to the point you think you've won, understand that at that moment you've lost. If you lose the quit, you lose you. Choose YOU, just for today. I'm right here with you. I refuse to be defined by who I was. I choose me! I'm here for anything you may need.
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31 days - 1 month - HAPPY HALLOWEEN! -
Keep your finger off the trigger. The only finger you should apply to the trigger is this one 'Finger' . If you have not done so, I recommend taking time to sit and list out 'ALL' possible triggers and ways to escape. I was met with one today that I was unprepared for. I thought I had everything covered. I am a security guard and we have a lost and found. Guess what was turned in??? Guess what has been on my mind all night??? I've been here for 10 years. Guess how many times we've had a can of tobacco turned in??? NONE, until now. I have been here for 8 hours with 4 more to go. I can't just dump it. We have to wait 30 days until an item is unclaimed for disposal. Out of sight/Out of mind doesn't seem to be working. It's right there all I have to do is... WAIT!!! WTF??? SERIOUSLY, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. ARE YOU ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT STEALING A DIP??? YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND!!! You are willing to break the rules to take not only a nasty dip, but a nasty dip from who knows where it's been. If you are willing to break the rules to do anything, it should be to open up the can and pour it out. I never expected this to be a problem. I AM NUTSO 'Crazy' !!! I hate this, I truly do. Keep in mind that ADDICTION will take any avenue back into your life. I won't give in. WHY? I've worked too hard to get where I am. I am worth a lot more than a momentary lapse of judgment. I have already given my word, today. I will finish my four hours strong, and will drive straight home and hide under the covers until the bad can goes away. OK, so maybe I am making this out to be a bit worse than it actually is, OVERDRAMATIC. It still needs to be understood and never understated. THIS IS AN ADDICTION! IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY! Stay addicted to the quit, because it can go away. If you ever get to the point you think you've won, understand that at that moment you've lost. If you lose the quit, you lose you. Choose YOU, just for today. I'm right here with you. I refuse to be defined by who I was. I choose me! I'm here for anything you may need.
YES!!!! Quit GOLD right here! ^^^^^^^
Learning what I was up against made such a huge difference for me. This is one nasty, evil addiction. I hate it! It pisses me off that other people make money off of it, and it's not illegal. I will go to my grave fighting it any way i can. Just like you are doing right now.
Really proud to quit with a quitter like you DBrown!
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31 days - 1 month - HAPPY HALLOWEEN! -
Keep your finger off the trigger. The only finger you should apply to the trigger is this one 'Finger' . If you have not done so, I recommend taking time to sit and list out 'ALL' possible triggers and ways to escape. I was met with one today that I was unprepared for. I thought I had everything covered. I am a security guard and we have a lost and found. Guess what was turned in??? Guess what has been on my mind all night??? I've been here for 10 years. Guess how many times we've had a can of tobacco turned in??? NONE, until now. I have been here for 8 hours with 4 more to go. I can't just dump it. We have to wait 30 days until an item is unclaimed for disposal. Out of sight/Out of mind doesn't seem to be working. It's right there all I have to do is... WAIT!!! WTF??? SERIOUSLY, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. ARE YOU ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT STEALING A DIP??? YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND!!! You are willing to break the rules to take not only a nasty dip, but a nasty dip from who knows where it's been. If you are willing to break the rules to do anything, it should be to open up the can and pour it out. I never expected this to be a problem. I AM NUTSO 'Crazy' !!! I hate this, I truly do. Keep in mind that ADDICTION will take any avenue back into your life. I won't give in. WHY? I've worked too hard to get where I am. I am worth a lot more than a momentary lapse of judgment. I have already given my word, today. I will finish my four hours strong, and will drive straight home and hide under the covers until the bad can goes away. OK, so maybe I am making this out to be a bit worse than it actually is, OVERDRAMATIC. It still needs to be understood and never understated. THIS IS AN ADDICTION! IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY! Stay addicted to the quit, because it can go away. If you ever get to the point you think you've won, understand that at that moment you've lost. If you lose the quit, you lose you. Choose YOU, just for today. I'm right here with you. I refuse to be defined by who I was. I choose me! I'm here for anything you may need.
YES!!!! Quit GOLD right here! ^^^^^^^
Learning what I was up against made such a huge difference for me. This is one nasty, evil addiction. I hate it! It pisses me off that other people make money off of it, and it's not illegal. I will go to my grave fighting it any way i can. Just like you are doing right now.
Really proud to quit with a quitter like you DBrown!
Way to kill it man!
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30 minutes away from my son's 9th birthday. It will be 35 days quit and no 'regerts'. I was eating a milky way. Well, I decided this month I would quit another addiction along with Nic. I no longer run to alcohol as an escape either. This is a personal decision. Last night my wife and I had the worst argument we've ever had, at least in my opinion. She took her rings off and laid them on the table. I'm soul searching quite a bit lately. Life is funny, but not the haha kind. It's more the funny bone type funny, it hurts like a mf. Through this whole process I'm thankful for the outlook KTC has provided. I'm not running to a can to hide. That part of me is dead. It still haunts me. It still calls out to me. However, I know what it has to offer. NOTHING! A return to the can doesn't make everything better. Anything that masks a problem doesn't make it go away. Whatever is behind a mask is still there, and once the mask is gone it's ugliness will be right there staring you in the face. I meant what I stated in an earlier post. If I lose everything, I won't lose me. I choose me. Outside of you, there is nothing you can control. You can't make people stand with you. This community is a special place for those that wish to rid themselves of the can. You don't have to like everyone, but you can be damn sure they stand with you. They know the ups and downs. I know I'm a bit of everywhere right now. Sometimes, I think I could process better with Nic Otine and Al Cohol there to help me sort it out. It's lies though. Nic and Al are just lying sons of bitches. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm confused. I'm ugh! Most importantly... I'M STILL QUIT!!! So 'Finger' Nic and Al. I'd much rather stand with you KTC MFers. You aren't alone. I'm here no matter my mess, I'm a PM away.
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30 minutes away from my son's 9th birthday. It will be 35 days quit and no 'regerts'. I was eating a milky way. Well, I decided this month I would quit another addiction along with Nic. I no longer run to alcohol as an escape either. This is a personal decision. Last night my wife and I had the worst argument we've ever had, at least in my opinion. She took her rings off and laid them on the table. I'm soul searching quite a bit lately. Life is funny, but not the haha kind. It's more the funny bone type funny, it hurts like a mf. Through this whole process I'm thankful for the outlook KTC has provided. I'm not running to a can to hide. That part of me is dead. It still haunts me. It still calls out to me. However, I know what it has to offer. NOTHING! A return to the can doesn't make everything better. Anything that masks a problem doesn't make it go away. Whatever is behind a mask is still there, and once the mask is gone it's ugliness will be right there staring you in the face. I meant what I stated in an earlier post. If I lose everything, I won't lose me. I choose me. Outside of you, there is nothing you can control. You can't make people stand with you. This community is a special place for those that wish to rid themselves of the can. You don't have to like everyone, but you can be damn sure they stand with you. They know the ups and downs. I know I'm a bit of everywhere right now. Sometimes, I think I could process better with Nic Otine and Al Cohol there to help me sort it out. It's lies though. Nic and Al are just lying sons of bitches. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm confused. I'm ugh! Most importantly... I'M STILL QUIT!!! So 'Finger' Nic and Al. I'd much rather stand with you KTC MFers. You aren't alone. I'm here no matter my mess, I'm a PM away.
Man, it sure is a process isn't it?
What is it in our makeup that needs a balm? Why do we run to an outside source for comfort or coping? I'm tellin' ya, nic and booze seem to go hand in hand. I see stories everywhere of the booze intake upping to stupid levels when we quit. I'm almost at 1,300 days and this has, all of a sudden, become an issue. I'm certainly not needing it... life is fine... Quit is a breeze. Yet... I feel like I need "something". So, yeah, no more Al for me either... another crutch is something none of us need!
Looking hard and truthfully at yourself is a damn tough thing to do. In fact... it sucks ass sometimes but... who ya gonna work on if not yourself?
Rock on m'man... keep at it.
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"Never forget where you came from and never take your eyes off where you're heading."
I hope you all don't mind if I ramble a bit, because I'm going to anyway. As I sit here today, 49 days into my quit, and reflect on everything leading up to this point, I feel led to share. I hope this may help someone in someway. It matters not how many people you can reach, as long as you reach one. My life isn't anything grandiose. I am human and I fail more than I excel. I am complacent (a feeling of being satisfied with how things are...). I am an addict (to devote or surrender to something habitually or obsessively...). I am free (more on this later...). I am quit, but I realize at any moment I could lose it all. I could easily fall, just as others before me. Before you are quick to judge anyone on their journey, be careful for pride comes before the fall. I have been for the most part silent, but it's a time in my life I needed to be still. I have had to come to face things that I used dip to hide from. I am finding me. I pulled back from life, not just KTC. I went from so much joy in freedom, to "now what" once the exuberance wore off. As hard as the beginning of the quit was, and by no means am I belittling the beginning, it wasn't nearly as difficult to manage as the fight I am in now. In the beginning I was a prisoner. My addiction to the can was my solitary. Then I realized addiction is the only prison where the locks are on the inside. I had the key to escape the cell all along. The easy part was getting out. The hard part is staying out. Each day quit is less difficult. I will never lock myself in that cell again. However, I have become satisfied with where I am at. There is nothing wrong with being happy with where I am in life, but I can't be content or satisfied to stay there. I must always seek to better myself, especially since that is what I expect from others. I am extremely proud to be where I am considering the weak individual I was. I couldn't stay away from something killing me for an extended period of time. Knowing it was killing me I continued to use. I conquered a mighty giant in my life. I am happy, but it can't stop there. So, my next question was how do I stay happy with myself yet improve myself? When I reflected on who I am and where I can be better, it was a depressing period. I felt good about myself, then realized I wasn't as good as I thought I was. I have many areas that can use improvement. It's easy to see it as overwhelming. However, I choose to see it as "I am worth it", and just handle things one at a time. I am on a path to freedom. I will reach that freedom, not only from nic, but from all addiction that continues to keep me from being me. However, this is KTC, so I will keep it about the Nic beast. I'm not preaching (warning: bible verse coming), but I want to share one final thing...
Galatians 5:13 - For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
Brothers and Sisters of KTC,
We are called to "freedom". Webster's told me that freedom consisted of three things...
1. not costing any money - Along with the money saved by not purchasing a can, we have found each other for free via KTC. Friends aren't cheap, but they are free. It doesn't cost you anything to get up, post roll, and reach out to one person sometime throughout the day. It may sound trivial, but you never know what it means to someone knowing they aren't fighting life alone. It's nice to know I have my wife by my side, but she doesn't understand the struggle like you guys do. If you haven't shared your phone # with at least one person, that is my challenge to you. I'm not asking you to go crazy. Take the first step. Find one. If you need someone, send me a message with your number. I will text you hello and my name so you have my number. That's it. Nothing more or nothing less. I only want the opportunity to be there for you. It's free
2. not held as a slave or prisoner - We are no longer confined to prison. Our life isn't decided by Warden Nic. We choose our destiny now. Choose you, because you are worth it. Take pride in your freedom. Wear it as a banner. I have heard stories of prisoners who are set free only to end up back in prison. Why would anyone escape the chains only to freely choose to be bound again? The only possible answer is they don't know what to do with their freedom. We are all different, but we all have purpose. Your purpose may be used to help set another prisoner on his/her path to freedom. I won't even try to guess what your purpose is. Only you can find the answer to that. I can tell you what your purpose is 'NOT'. Your purpose is not to turn back to the can.
3. not physically held by something - The can had a physical hold on us. We had our finger in it. Then we had it in our mouth. There is not a lot more physical than that. We are no longer held by this chemical that we so 'needed' just to get through life. My favorite line I repeat to myself, be as addicted to the quit as you were to the can. I 'had' to have it just to get through life. Well, now, I 'HAVE' to have the quit just to get through life. The QUIT doesn't hold me to any unnecessary commitment. It frees me from the bonds that held me captive.
If you are still reading this, know this, IT WILL NEVER BE OVER! Freedom can be lost. "Freedom is never given by the oppressor, it must be demanded by the oppressed." On your path to freedom, always CHOOSE YOU! Never stop overcoming obstacles, or they will overcome you. I will quiet for now, but I am here for whoever, whatever, whenever, wherever, or why ever. I'm just a PM away. Carpe diem!!!
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"Never forget where you came from and never take your eyes off where you're heading."
I hope you all don't mind if I ramble a bit, because I'm going to anyway. As I sit here today, 49 days into my quit, and reflect on everything leading up to this point, I feel led to share. I hope this may help someone in someway. It matters not how many people you can reach, as long as you reach one. My life isn't anything grandiose. I am human and I fail more than I excel. I am complacent (a feeling of being satisfied with how things are...). I am an addict (to devote or surrender to something habitually or obsessively...). I am free (more on this later...). I am quit, but I realize at any moment I could lose it all. I could easily fall, just as others before me. Before you are quick to judge anyone on their journey, be careful for pride comes before the fall. I have been for the most part silent, but it's a time in my life I needed to be still. I have had to come to face things that I used dip to hide from. I am finding me. I pulled back from life, not just KTC. I went from so much joy in freedom, to "now what" once the exuberance wore off. As hard as the beginning of the quit was, and by no means am I belittling the beginning, it wasn't nearly as difficult to manage as the fight I am in now. In the beginning I was a prisoner. My addiction to the can was my solitary. Then I realized addiction is the only prison where the locks are on the inside. I had the key to escape the cell all along. The easy part was getting out. The hard part is staying out. Each day quit is less difficult. I will never lock myself in that cell again. However, I have become satisfied with where I am at. There is nothing wrong with being happy with where I am in life, but I can't be content or satisfied to stay there. I must always seek to better myself, especially since that is what I expect from others. I am extremely proud to be where I am considering the weak individual I was. I couldn't stay away from something killing me for an extended period of time. Knowing it was killing me I continued to use. I conquered a mighty giant in my life. I am happy, but it can't stop there. So, my next question was how do I stay happy with myself yet improve myself? When I reflected on who I am and where I can be better, it was a depressing period. I felt good about myself, then realized I wasn't as good as I thought I was. I have many areas that can use improvement. It's easy to see it as overwhelming. However, I choose to see it as "I am worth it", and just handle things one at a time. I am on a path to freedom. I will reach that freedom, not only from nic, but from all addiction that continues to keep me from being me. However, this is KTC, so I will keep it about the Nic beast. I'm not preaching (warning: bible verse coming), but I want to share one final thing...
Galatians 5:13 - For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
Brothers and Sisters of KTC,
We are called to "freedom". Webster's told me that freedom consisted of three things...
1. not costing any money - Along with the money saved by not purchasing a can, we have found each other for free via KTC. Friends aren't cheap, but they are free. It doesn't cost you anything to get up, post roll, and reach out to one person sometime throughout the day. It may sound trivial, but you never know what it means to someone knowing they aren't fighting life alone. It's nice to know I have my wife by my side, but she doesn't understand the struggle like you guys do. If you haven't shared your phone # with at least one person, that is my challenge to you. I'm not asking you to go crazy. Take the first step. Find one. If you need someone, send me a message with your number. I will text you hello and my name so you have my number. That's it. Nothing more or nothing less. I only want the opportunity to be there for you. It's free
2. not held as a slave or prisoner - We are no longer confined to prison. Our life isn't decided by Warden Nic. We choose our destiny now. Choose you, because you are worth it. Take pride in your freedom. Wear it as a banner. I have heard stories of prisoners who are set free only to end up back in prison. Why would anyone escape the chains only to freely choose to be bound again? The only possible answer is they don't know what to do with their freedom. We are all different, but we all have purpose. Your purpose may be used to help set another prisoner on his/her path to freedom. I won't even try to guess what your purpose is. Only you can find the answer to that. I can tell you what your purpose is 'NOT'. Your purpose is not to turn back to the can.
3. not physically held by something - The can had a physical hold on us. We had our finger in it. Then we had it in our mouth. There is not a lot more physical than that. We are no longer held by this chemical that we so 'needed' just to get through life. My favorite line I repeat to myself, be as addicted to the quit as you were to the can. I 'had' to have it just to get through life. Well, now, I 'HAVE' to have the quit just to get through life. The QUIT doesn't hold me to any unnecessary commitment. It frees me from the bonds that held me captive.
If you are still reading this, know this, IT WILL NEVER BE OVER! Freedom can be lost. "Freedom is never given by the oppressor, it must be demanded by the oppressed." On your path to freedom, always CHOOSE YOU! Never stop overcoming obstacles, or they will overcome you. I will quiet for now, but I am here for whoever, whatever, whenever, wherever, or why ever. I'm just a PM away. Carpe diem!!!
Thank you for posting this in January as well, its a powerful reminder!
I am proud to quit with you today!
Stay Stong and Stay Quit
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Hey D congrats on 50 days quit. That's half way to HOF way to go.
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Take this can and shove it
I ain't dippin here no more
Ain't got nuttin left and fuck all the reasons
I was dippin for
You better not try to stand in my way
'Cause I'm walkin' out the door
Take this can and shove it
I ain't dippin here no more
I been dippin in this factory
For nigh on fifteen years
All this time I washed my baccer
Down in a bunch of beers
And I've seen a lot of good folks die
That had a lot of bills to pay
I'd pour that shit right outta their pack
If they had the guts to say
Take this can and shove it
I ain't dippin here no more
Ain't got nuttin left and fuck all the reasons
I was dippin for
You better not try to stand in my way
'Cause I'm walkin' out the door
Take this can and shove it
I ain't dippin here no more
Well that Copenhagen's a regular bitch
The Skoal bandit is a fool
Got a brand new shiney can
Lawd, they think their cool
One of these days we gonna' blow our top
And those fuckers are gonna' pay
Lawd I can't wait to see their faces
When we all get the nerve to say
Take this can and shove it
I ain't dippin here no more
Ain't got nuttin left and fuck all the reasons
I was dippin for
You better not try to stand in my way
'Cause I'm walkin' out the door
Take this can and shove it
I ain't dippin here no more
Take this can and shove it
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I realize I double post here and group, but I like using this as a journal to look through my journey...
So honest question here. Am I the only one that forgets? I don't mean forgets to post. I mean forgets, truly forgets, what dip was like. I don't think about it for days, and when I do it isn't more than a faint whisper. I forget how much of a hold it had on me. I forget that I was once a slave at the command of a can. I forget that my freedom was purchased through agonizing circumstances. I forget that I was an animal for the first few days. I forget there was a fog and I was lost at sea. I forget that there were sores and mouth pain. I forget that there was trouble. Forgetting all that, I still have no desire to turn back to the can. Knowing I went through all that I still can't see anything worth returning to. Yet, I still forget. I forget there are others here going through what I came through. I forget where I have been. When you forget, you begin to take for granted. Our freedom wasn't free. What seems like an eternity ago, was merely days ago. We have separated who we are now from who we used to be. Those who don't forget are the ones who honor their freedom. Those who have forgotten become the 'trophy' children. Yes, you may have put in a lot of work to get where you are, but never forget where you started. No one owes you anything. Choose YOU and never stop choosing. Understand that although you may not be were you intend to be, you are not where you were. Don't get complacent and never be content with your current situation. Strive to be better and find the road that isn't a dead end. Think of those that have fallen, think of those who succeed, think of those who have yet to quit, think of those that never dipped, and think of those that don't give a shit. NEVER FORGET, you are where you are, and that is the most important thing... "YOU ARE"!!! I QUIT with each of you. I am proud to be where I am today.
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DBrown - Day 87 - Your QUIT, My QUIT, Their QUIT: Despite the many differences, it's exactly the same. No matter how far you've moved away, relapse is merely moments away. Find your strength, not in your strength, but in your weakness. I owe my QUIT to me, but without each of you... I would have never found me. Thank you for holding the mirror up each day. I realize I could be all of you. I wish I had the strength of some, and others... well... you just haven't found it yet. Never give up, because the journey isn't over.
I want to take a moment just to say how thankful I am for this place. I truly learn so much from each of you. I can never thank you enough. I wouldn't be were I am without everyone that has ever graced the presence of KTC. From those you have literally given their life in this battle, the family members of those lost that had the strength to warn others here, those that succeed EDD, those that cave, those who are humble, those who hide their weakness in their attitude, etc. I have heard it said "Take what you need and leave the rest." I am beginning to understand, if you have the right attitude, you need everything this site has to offer. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all components to make a better you. Understand this is a battle to the DEATH. Something or someone has to die, but it is your choice as to which. You and the Can will not both live. Take every weapon given freely here and learn from every approach Nic uses. Choose YOU every day, because you are worth it. I am nothing in the WAR, but I am everything in the BATTLE. Take it one day at a time, and one battle at a time. I am blessed!
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I know it's not my day 100 yet, but I was listening to this song at work tonight and the first line made me start thinking about the 1st 100. I'm thankful I'm here. It's 2017 and I'm still here. No need of a crutch to get me through the day. I've made it another day thanks to KTC! Happy NEW YEAR!!!
"Here Without You" - 3 Doors Down
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I stuffed my pretty face
Your thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at you the same
But all the smiles that dissipated
Reappear now that I'm done with your disgrace
I'm here without you, ‘Nic’y
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you, ‘Nic’y
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you, ‘Nic’y
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it must be you or me, yeah.
The posts just keep rollin'
As the people leave and stray out on their own
I've heard this site is overrated
But I know that it gets better as we go, oh, yeah, yeah
I'm here without you, ‘Nic’y
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you, ‘Nic’y
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you, ‘Nic’y
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, Nic, it must be you or me
Everything I know, and anywhere I go (oh whoa)
It gets hard but it won't take away my life (oh whoa)
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my life, whoa, oh, oh
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7oMBq1vkCM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7oMBq1vkCM)
100!!!!!!!!
'Finger' NIC 'Finger'
Ain't nuthin over!!!
I will fight you til I die, and I will win. You know WHY????
1. I'm worth it!!!
2. I'm not alone.... (THANK YOU KTC PEEPS)
3. YOU SUCK
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7oMBq1vkCM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7oMBq1vkCM)
100!!!!!!!!
'Finger' NIC 'Finger'
Ain't nuthin over!!!
I will fight you til I die, and I will win. You know WHY????
1. I'm worth it!!!
2. I'm not alone.... (THANK YOU KTC PEEPS)
3. YOU SUCK
You're right...it's not 1hun done.
And you knowing that is a great strength for your quit.
Congrats on your 100 days DBrown!
Keep it up!