KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: bluebonnetman on December 29, 2011, 11:48:00 AM
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I've been thinking praying agonizing lying fudging sneaking worrying over dipping skoal copehagen etc since high school off and on - that's 30 years for this 51 year old. I'm tired of it.
I've done a lot of powerful and big and challenging things - but I'm very scared today. But I know in my soul this is important, and that I've wanted this for a long time, for myself and for my family.
This is Day 1 for me.
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Welcome to the best decision you will ever make. It will not be easy but you can and will do this. Drink the Kool Aid early and often.
P.S. I was scared shitless about loosing my crutch and supposed best friend too.
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I've been thinking praying agonizing lying fudging sneaking worrying over dipping skoal copehagen etc since high school off and on - that's 30 years for this 51 year old. I'm tired of it.
I've done a lot of powerful and big and challenging things - but I'm very scared today. But I know in my soul this is important, and that I've wanted this for a long time, for myself and for my family.
This is Day 1 for me.
Hello, and welcome!
You've made a great decision to quit. We can help you stay quit one day at a time.
Embrace that fear you have, and face it every minute of the day. If you face your fear, you won't forget. It will get easier with time.
We face our fears together as brothers every morning by posting roll call here. (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=5688) After you post roll, read. Make some friends, and exchange numbers (I got one on the way to you.). Fuck around, and have thick skin.
We're all addicts here. We've all been through what you are going through.
(1) Post roll.
(2) Stay quit.
(3) Repeat.
It's simple, but it's not easy.
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I've been thinking praying agonizing lying fudging sneaking worrying over dipping skoal copehagen etc since high school off and on - that's 30 years for this 51 year old. I'm tired of it.
I've done a lot of powerful and big and challenging things - but I'm very scared today. But I know in my soul this is important, and that I've wanted this for a long time, for myself and for my family.
This is Day 1 for me.
Hey BBM, Congrats on a great decision, however you sound like you are doubting your ability to stay quit. Please read my story below "Dumbass No More" - I think you might find some of the mindset you will need for this.
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I've been thinking praying agonizing lying fudging sneaking worrying over dipping skoal copehagen etc since high school off and on - that's 30 years for this 51 year old. I'm tired of it.
I've done a lot of powerful and big and challenging things - but I'm very scared today. But I know in my soul this is important, and that I've wanted this for a long time, for myself and for my family.
This is Day 1 for me.
Hey BBM, Congrats on a great decision, however you sound like you are doubting your ability to stay quit. Please read my story below "Dumbass No More" - I think you might find some of the mindset you will need for this.
notdeadyet / dumbass no more -
thanks for the rec on your story - good LORD is that part of what addiction does? tell us our story is unique and special and our little secret? because your story is my WHOLE DAMN STORY. holy shit. that is amazing. and i feel so much more ... normal? safe? reassured?
yes, i simply am done. quit.
i mention the fear simply to acknowledge it and stare its ass down.
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Some of what's gone through my mind / heart in the last 9 hours:
wow, i had no idea how many times a day i think about taking a dip.
no, asshole, don't fool yourself; you KNOW how many times a day you think about taking a dip. but you always let yourself do it anyway.
i took my last dip yesterday evening - i got up from the table where my two college-age kids and their significant others and my wife and i were all playing a hilarious game together, and i got up, went into the garage, snuck a dip (pouch, so no one could see ... ha), came back in, played some of the game, got up, walked to the kitchen, sneaked a spit into the sink.
how effed up is that? it's living a lie. and flaunting my own vice and addiction in my family's face, but behind their backs.
in reading the resources in this forum/community, i'm struck by how my addiction is like everyone else's. this is infuriating. i am not a beautiful and unique snowflake? and it is AWESOME. i feel like Tyler Durden has walked into my life and held a mirror to my face, and said, "Who are you?"
i want to gnaw on something right now.
i don't want to take a dip. i quit. it feels immensely freeing.
oh, and one other note - i participate in men's work, spiritual work, therapy; i know when it's real and when it's bullshit. this feels real to me.
thank you.
bluebonnetman
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If it feels real to you then I invite you to walk on the path to dominance over your addiction with me. I'm day 12. I think that you'll find that your attitude will go a long way in determining how the next few days and weeks will go. Reach out to people here. PM me and I'll send you my cell number and you can call or text at any time.
By the way, your story is no worse than mine and you're no less of a man than anyone else here if you stay the course with your quit, own your addiction, and work tirelessly to beat it and help those here around you to beat the same addiction.
I hope that you are serious about this. I hope that you mean it. If those two things are true, then you can contact me for support or help 24/7. And I mean that because I post my word to you every day that I'm quit.
Please join us,
PMac
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Welcome to the party. As you can see there is more help here than you can imagine. The only requirement is that you post roll daily and remain clean.
As the others have said our process is simple, not easy but proven thousands of times over. 1. Post Roll 2. Keep your word 3. Repeat daily.
Take the words hope, try, wish, our of your vocabulary as they have no place here. Replace them with do, can, will. It seems simple but very powerful.
"I will try to quit." vs. "I can quit."
Get some seeds, candy, gum, straws, fake to keep your self occupied over the next few weeks. Start drinking plenty of water, when you think you have had enough drink more. Get some exercise too! A good workout kills craves, anxiety, and will help with the sleep that is soon to be all jacked up.
Start writing down your experiences here on this page. They will give you something to look back on and remember every second of the next few days.
You are quit now, stay that way !! Freedom is AMAZING
STAY QUIT
Greg
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THANKS Y'ALL! it's working. i'm quit.
i know this is so partly because of a huge shift that's happened in my brain and soul. and partly because i know what it's like to "quit" and not mean it from the word go but agreeing to do it for my kids or my wife or god or whatever. no, that's not this.
part of why this is better is because it's not in a vacuum - i'm among fellow quitters and that is awesome.
bluebonnetman
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I've been thinking praying agonizing lying fudging sneaking worrying over dipping skoal copehagen etc since high school off and on - that's 30 years for this 51 year old. I'm tired of it.
I've done a lot of powerful and big and challenging things - but I'm very scared today. But I know in my soul this is important, and that I've wanted this for a long time, for myself and for my family.
This is Day 1 for me.
I'm so effing proud of you man.
You've come a long way since that first post. Don't ever forget.
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I've been thinking praying agonizing lying fudging sneaking worrying over dipping skoal copehagen etc since high school off and on - that's 30 years for this 51 year old. I'm tired of it.
I've done a lot of powerful and big and challenging things - but I'm very scared today. But I know in my soul this is important, and that I've wanted this for a long time, for myself and for my family.
This is Day 1 for me.
I'm so effing proud of you man.
You've come a long way since that first post. Don't ever forget.
good heavens.
the thing that strikes me about this intro thread of mine is
a. how scared i was
b. how awesome the support was
c. how scared i was! i'm glad i faced it and took this step. it IS a long way since then. 100 days - and a few personal quantum leaps. for all of us.
thank you thank you thank you
bbm
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I've been thinking praying agonizing lying fudging sneaking worrying over dipping skoal copehagen etc since high school off and on - that's 30 years for this 51 year old. I'm tired of it.
I've done a lot of powerful and big and challenging things - but I'm very scared today. But I know in my soul this is important, and that I've wanted this for a long time, for myself and for my family.
This is Day 1 for me.
I'm so effing proud of you man.
You've come a long way since that first post. Don't ever forget.
good heavens.
the thing that strikes me about this intro thread of mine is
a. how scared i was
b. how awesome the support was
c. how scared i was! i'm glad i faced it and took this step. it IS a long way since then. 100 days - and a few personal quantum leaps. for all of us.
thank you thank you thank you
bbm
Congratulations on the Day 100, bbm!!!
'clap'
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WELL DONE, BROTHER!!!
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I've been thinking praying agonizing lying fudging sneaking worrying over dipping skoal copehagen etc since high school off and on - that's 30 years for this 51 year old. I'm tired of it.
I've done a lot of powerful and big and challenging things - but I'm very scared today. But I know in my soul this is important, and that I've wanted this for a long time, for myself and for my family.
This is Day 1 for me.
I'm so effing proud of you man.
You've come a long way since that first post. Don't ever forget.
good heavens.
the thing that strikes me about this intro thread of mine is
a. how scared i was
b. how awesome the support was
c. how scared i was! i'm glad i faced it and took this step. it IS a long way since then. 100 days - and a few personal quantum leaps. for all of us.
thank you thank you thank you
bbm
Congratulations on the Day 100, bbm!!!
'clap'
I needed that! Lately feeling overwhelmed by the fact that most not all are so much younger than me. I'm quit for me 95 more and for ever. But for today is what I'm concentrating on. Congats on your first 100
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I've been thinking praying agonizing lying fudging sneaking worrying over dipping skoal copehagen etc since high school off and on - that's 30 years for this 51 year old. I'm tired of it.
I've done a lot of powerful and big and challenging things - but I'm very scared today. But I know in my soul this is important, and that I've wanted this for a long time, for myself and for my family.
This is Day 1 for me.
I'm so effing proud of you man.
You've come a long way since that first post. Don't ever forget.
good heavens.
the thing that strikes me about this intro thread of mine is
a. how scared i was
b. how awesome the support was
c. how scared i was! i'm glad i faced it and took this step. it IS a long way since then. 100 days - and a few personal quantum leaps. for all of us.
thank you thank you thank you
bbm
Congratulations on the Day 100, bbm!!!
'clap'
I needed that! Lately feeling overwhelmed by the fact that most not all are so much younger than me. I'm quit for me 95 more and for ever. But for today is what I'm concentrating on. Congats on your first 100
I'm 51 as well, WT. Don't let the nicBitch whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Our lives are worth quitting for regardless of our ages. We may have spent some very good years as her slaves, but that doesn't mean we have to be (or should be) her slaves for the rest of our lives.
Give nic the finger and move forward. Your life is worth it, brother!!
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I've been thinking praying agonizing lying fudging sneaking worrying over dipping skoal copehagen etc since high school off and on - that's 30 years for this 51 year old. I'm tired of it.
I've done a lot of powerful and big and challenging things - but I'm very scared today. But I know in my soul this is important, and that I've wanted this for a long time, for myself and for my family.
This is Day 1 for me.
I'm so effing proud of you man.
You've come a long way since that first post. Don't ever forget.
good heavens.
the thing that strikes me about this intro thread of mine is
a. how scared i was
b. how awesome the support was
c. how scared i was! i'm glad i faced it and took this step. it IS a long way since then. 100 days - and a few personal quantum leaps. for all of us.
thank you thank you thank you
bbm
Congratulations on the Day 100, bbm!!!
'clap'
I needed that! Lately feeling overwhelmed by the fact that most not all are so much younger than me. I'm quit for me 95 more and for ever. But for today is what I'm concentrating on. Congats on your first 100
I'm 51 as well, WT. Don't let the nicBitch whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Our lives are worth quitting for regardless of our ages. We may have spent some very good years as her slaves, but that doesn't mean we have to be (or should be) her slaves for the rest of our lives.
Give nic the finger and move forward. Your life is worth it, brother!!
HELLZ YEAH!!!
with you. big time.
i'm just gettin' started, y'all!!!
51 is the new 31. or something like that.
OR, how about this;
I AM QUIT TODAY. day 100. and ... day 1.
we all are.
no matter if i have 10,000 days to go or 1 to go, i am quit for all of them, one today at a time.
bbm
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I've been thinking praying agonizing lying fudging sneaking worrying over dipping skoal copehagen etc since high school off and on - that's 30 years for this 51 year old. I'm tired of it.
I've done a lot of powerful and big and challenging things - but I'm very scared today. But I know in my soul this is important, and that I've wanted this for a long time, for myself and for my family.
This is Day 1 for me.
I'm so effing proud of you man.
You've come a long way since that first post. Don't ever forget.
good heavens.
the thing that strikes me about this intro thread of mine is
a. how scared i was
b. how awesome the support was
c. how scared i was! i'm glad i faced it and took this step. it IS a long way since then. 100 days - and a few personal quantum leaps. for all of us.
thank you thank you thank you
bbm
Congratulations on the Day 100, bbm!!!
'clap'
I needed that! Lately feeling overwhelmed by the fact that most not all are so much younger than me. I'm quit for me 95 more and for ever. But for today is what I'm concentrating on. Congats on your first 100
I'm 51 as well, WT. Don't let the nicBitch whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Our lives are worth quitting for regardless of our ages. We may have spent some very good years as her slaves, but that doesn't mean we have to be (or should be) her slaves for the rest of our lives.
Give nic the finger and move forward. Your life is worth it, brother!!
HELLZ YEAH!!!
with you. big time.
i'm just gettin' started, y'all!!!
51 is the new 31. or something like that.
OR, how about this;
I AM QUIT TODAY. day 100. and ... day 1.
we all are.
no matter if i have 10,000 days to go or 1 to go, i am quit for all of them, one today at a time.
bbm
'worship'
Now your a mentor! WTG
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Way to go BBM. I demand you bring back the old avatar for your day 100.
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Hey blue congrats and badass example. Your a stud among studs brother.
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Nice job BBM!
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I'm 45. 30 years into addiction. Just started my 3rd day and you're an inspiration. I know I can do this. Thank you!!!
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Bringing the comma!!!
Nice work bro
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Bringing the comma!!!
Nice work bro
Sweet! Nice comma BBM.
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Bringing the comma!!!
Nice work bro
Sweet! Nice comma BBM.
Boom, sir.
I like this ship.
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Bringing the comma!!!
Nice work bro
Sweet! Nice comma BBM.
Boom, sir.
I like this ship.
Outstanding! Enjoy your day!