KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: anomalous on May 18, 2011, 03:02:00 AM
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Hey all, my name is Dale. I got to this site by way of Googling "quitting dip", because, honestly, I'm really worried. But I'll get to that later in the post.
I first started dipping in Fall '08, having been introduced to the stuff by a fellow cadidiot in the ROTC program I was enrolled in. Now, I didn't start as soon as he showed me it, but the influence was all around me.
I had enlisted in the Virginia Army National Guard in Fall '07, as part of a plan to enroll in the SMP (a joint ROTC-NG contract program) so I could get experience with enlisted soldiers before presuming to lead them.
I attended Infantry (11B) training from mid-May 2008 to late August 2008, and a lot of those boys were well-acquainted with the stuff. Since Army TRADOC doesn't allow recruits to use any form of tobacco, I would say that was probably a rough time for them. One of the fellas in my platoon introduced me to the following concept: take two strips of MRE toilet paper, pour the MRE coffee onto it, add a small amount of sugar (optional), roll it up and use it like dip.
That was probably the foundation of my current oral fixation.
Now, said PFC (now a 2LT) told me he wanted to see me with a "full horseshoe" in a couple of months, and I didn't see the appeal at the time. But on one of my carpool trips with a fellow cadet coming home from our drill site, I decided to pick up a can of Skoal (pretty sure it was Citrus Blend). Well, of course we're out in the middle of bumf*ck Virginia driving down I-95 and I decide to take a lil pinch. Thought I was going to throw up, luckily for my friend (it was his car) I didn't. I guess the headrush from that one little pinch was all it took to get me hooked.
In the Spring of '09, I had an anxiety-related breakdown that eventually led to my discharge from the National Guard. Following the breakdown, I began dipping a lot more often, and a lot more at once. Of course, since I had been hospitalized I was also on psych meds... in retrospect, that was pretty dangerous. I didn't quit until I had another breakdown related to the first one, that Fall. And I stayed off the stuff until the following Fall, guess it's a cyclic thing. Last time I quit, I did it because of the white lines (striae) I noticed on my gum behind my lip.
They're back, and I'm really scared because shortly after I started again I saw my dentist to check out a small lump which he said was nothing to worry about - but he said expressly to "watch out for changes in my gums' appearance, specifically the ones you saw last time". Well, that time has come, and I hate to say it but I might have some sort of cancer precursor going on in my mouth right now.
I have to quit, but I'm going to need help.
Oh, and if anyone can shed light on what those striae might be indicative of I'd appreciate it.
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Leukaplakia, I beleive its what its called, caused from where the dip was placed. It usually goes away after secession of dip. But it may be a wake up call to crush the old can once andfor all! Get on with your QUIT!! Nico 'Remshot'
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No time better than the present to quit. Plenty of support here. Post roll and jump on the wagon with the rest of us.
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Well Dale welcome. Prayed for your health and mental well being today because it ain't gonna be easy. You and I have already given each other our word that we won't use today so let's focus on controlling today.