KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: wantmylifeback on October 02, 2014, 11:15:00 AM
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Hi
I am a 37 year old male. I have been on and off chewable tobacco, and the more burning problem is cheating my wife (because I was afraid that it will create huge problems). But every time she has caught me and I try to lie but get exposed. We are now at a point where she feels she cant do this no more. I cant live without her, but can certainly live without the can. With that pledge, I am taking today (October 2nd, which happens to be my mom's birthday) as my day 1. I have not been open with her and been a shady guy on a lot of aspects. To her, can is not the most burning problem, but my lack of honesty is. We fell in love and have been married for 7 years (full of problems) and have a three year old (with feeding issues, which my wife is tackling single handedly). I tried to explain to her that nicotine is a substance that will make you dependent on it, and will be an easy resort to multiple forms of depression. She is right, when she asks, I share all the same (and probably more) reasons for depression, but have been able to hold my character integrity.
With solemn resolve, today IS going to be my Day 1 and I am never going back to it - I have done it for a few months at a stretch three times so far. She has access to my account here. I would appreciate if you could share your thoughts, whatever they may be, for my benefit, and her possible (but remote) solace, and a willingness to consider living with me.
Thanks.
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Hi
I am a 37 year old male. I have been on and off chewable tobacco, and the more burning problem is cheating my wife (because I was afraid that it will create huge problems). But every time she has caught me and I try to lie but get exposed. We are now at a point where she feels she cant do this no more. I cant live without her, but can certainly live without the can. With that pledge, I am taking today (October 2nd, which happens to be my mom's birthday) as my day 1. I have not been open with her and been a shady guy on a lot of aspects. To her, can is not the most burning problem, but my lack of honesty is. We fell in love and have been married for 7 years (full of problems) and have a three year old (with feeding issues, which my wife is tackling single handedly). I tried to explain to her that nicotine is a substance that will make you dependent on it, and will be an easy resort to multiple forms of depression. She is right, when she asks, I share all the same (and probably more) reasons for depression, but have been able to hold my character integrity.
With solemn resolve, today IS going to be my Day 1 and I am never going back to it - I have done it for a few months at a stretch three times so far. She has access to my account here. I would appreciate if you could share your thoughts, whatever they may be, for my benefit, and her possible (but remote) solace, and a willingness to consider living with me.
Thanks.
Just win today. You can quit the rest of today right?
We do it one day at a time here. This is how it's done. Come clean with your wife, tell her everything about your lies, etc.
It's the only way. One day at a time and be honest. You can do this brother.
Welcome aboard.
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Hi
I am a 37 year old male. I have been on and off chewable tobacco, and the more burning problem is cheating my wife (because I was afraid that it will create huge problems). But every time she has caught me and I try to lie but get exposed. We are now at a point where she feels she cant do this no more. I cant live without her, but can certainly live without the can. With that pledge, I am taking today (October 2nd, which happens to be my mom's birthday) as my day 1. I have not been open with her and been a shady guy on a lot of aspects. To her, can is not the most burning problem, but my lack of honesty is. We fell in love and have been married for 7 years (full of problems) and have a three year old (with feeding issues, which my wife is tackling single handedly). I tried to explain to her that nicotine is a substance that will make you dependent on it, and will be an easy resort to multiple forms of depression. She is right, when she asks, I share all the same (and probably more) reasons for depression, but have been able to hold my character integrity.
With solemn resolve, today IS going to be my Day 1 and I am never going back to it - I have done it for a few months at a stretch three times so far. She has access to my account here. I would appreciate if you could share your thoughts, whatever they may be, for my benefit, and her possible (but remote) solace, and a willingness to consider living with me.
Thanks.
Hell yeah man. This is an intro.
Do you know anything about our program already (posting roll)?
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Grizzly: The last chew I had was yesterday evening and have not felt like going back to it yet. We are fighting it out right now and I am sure that I wont go back to it, at the least, to avoid similar episodes. I cant expect her to believe this, because the same thing happened 10 months ago, and here I stand exposed in front of her again. I am a shady person (born nature) but that doesn't mean I don't love her. I have loved her for the past dozen years and still do. But to her love means honesty, to me it means the same too. But in an attempt to avoid confrontations, I have ended up causing more and more in the process. Sick of myself.
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I like the fact she has access to this, that tells me you are deadly serious. We all have problems brother, but a problem with a dip in is now 2 problems. Post roll, and get some support.
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Hell yeah man. This is an intro. Do you know anything about our program already (posting roll)?
I don't understand what you mean. Please explain. I know that we have to pledge a day 1 and stop going back to it, and share experiences, how we feel, etc with the group, get suggestions and ideas and quit the habit forever.
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topic/1010599/1384/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010599/1384/)
Is the January group. this is where you pledge your Day 1.
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Many of us here have lied to our wives, ourselves and everyone else about our addictions. They just don't understand and you can't blame them. The only thing you can do is be transparent and let time heal. Post roll every day. This is a promise to yourself and to us that you will not use today. That's all it takes. Remember, no matter how life crumbles around us, it is not an excuse to use nicotine. You can get through all of this and we will be there with you. Don't hesitate to reach out.
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Hell yeah man. This is an intro. Do you know anything about our program already (posting roll)?
I don't understand what you mean. Please explain. I know that we have to pledge a day 1 and stop going back to it, and share experiences, how we feel, etc with the group, get suggestions and ideas and quit the habit forever.
We have such pleasures to show you...
We do share a day 1 here (because you are on day 1). We post our promise not use nicotine today with our brothers as well. I post in October 2011 (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1007108/2169/). I am currently on day 1192 of my quit, and I have made that promise to my brothers for 1192 straight days. You will be posting in the January 2015 (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10564902/68/) group. The date on the group represents when you will reach 100 days quit. You won't be cured on that day. It is simply a milestone we celebrate. You can learn the who's, what's, and why's HERE (http://forum.killthecan.org/forum/55560/).
I would love to say that I'm quit forever, but I can't do that. You see, I control my actions right and that's it. The future can be planned for, but I can't act on it until the time arrives. Like a marriage, we take it moment by moment. It's so easy to be lost in forever sometimes. Even though there's a gap between our quit dates, we both walk this same path today. So do the thousands of other quitters here. We help each other. We lean on each other. We build quits.
And, throughout all of that, we get stronger.
These first days are going to be rough. You want to be a man of your word? Do it. Ain't nobody that can make or break your word but you. Lay it all out here, and you will find a level of quit you've never even thought of here. You are not alone in this, and we have your back.
You can do this. I know because I am.
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Welcome. You took a huge first step by laying it all bare, everything, out on the carpet for you and all of the world to see. I bet that was a relief to finally put into words.
You are in the company of countless ninja dippers and liar addicts that spent years plying their trade of subterfuge and deception on the ones they love the most. I am one of those former ninja dippers, and that does not make me special in any regard. Go read my intro - or the intro's of several others. You will see a very common theme across all of them. Acceptance, admission, and contrition over our addiction and what we have allowed to suffer as a consequence of feeding it for so long.
You are accountable to your wife. Actively demonstrate and seek new ways to be as up-front and accountable to her as you can. That's the only way you will earn her trust back.
I quit with you today.
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Thanks Tuco's. I know I can quit, like I have twice in the past. But the more burning problem is the evident lack of transparency, and my way of more actively seeking ways to be transparent is sharing my profile in this forum, so that she can see what I tell / I am told. Again, none of this matters till I resolve to change, which I have.
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Thanks Tuco's. I know I can quit, like I have twice in the past. But the more burning problem is the evident lack of transparency, and my way of more actively seeking ways to be transparent is sharing my profile in this forum, so that she can see what I tell / I am told. Again, none of this matters till I resolve to change, which I have.
You didn't quit in the past, you stopped. Big difference.
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You got this buddy, your story is similar to mine and many on this site.
It is hard to earn that trust back when we have lied and hide it soo many times before.
But you can quit one day at a time.
Show your wife the site and this page:
http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/ (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/)
and print a couple copies of this form, give one to her and put one in your wallet:
http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures ... o-give-up/ (http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/contract-to-give-up/)
PM me for phone number and support,
Charles
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That's true Tumblewort. This time around, the resolution is to quit, and never go back to it again. Infact, even if there is a pack in front of me, I should not touch it. That's the challenge. I have appointments with my dentist and ENT coming up during the second week of October, and hope there I haven't screwed up my health (too).
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Thanks Idahospuds. Since my situation is peculiar - I've been lying and dishonest and chew is only of it, I really cant expect her support. She is, rightfully so, in total wrath, being betrayed for the nth time. So the challenge in front of me is three fold - controlling, handling withdrawal symptoms and accepting her wrath and punishment. Its going to be very tough - but I am prepared.
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That's true Tumblewort. This time around, the resolution is to quit, and never go back to it again. Infact, even if there is a pack in front of me, I should not touch it. That's the challenge. I have appointments with my dentist and ENT coming up during the second week of October, and hope there I haven't screwed up my health (too).
I had my first dentist appointment Tuesday, Day 180 of my quit. I could have went earlier, but based on the theory of KTC, I choose to postpone my visit. Why? Because I did not want a clean cancer result 20 - 30 days into my quit, since I have stopped before, only to get the results from a dentist of "clean", and pack a fatty before I leave the dentist's parking lot.
I'm not saying KTC is against oral health, but there is a faction of quitters that get a bump or lump, make an appointment, get the "all clear", and cave quickly.
Oh, and if there is "a pack" in front of you, you ain't quitting correctly. You need to want this quit more than most anything you have ever wanted.
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Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.
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Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.
It's gonna suck until it doesn't, but by football Sunday you should be feeling better!
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Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.
Congrats on hitting Day 2. Now go post that shit up on roll.
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Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.
Congrats on hitting Day 2. Now go post that shit up on roll.
I'm confused. Why hasn't your real Day 1 started yet?
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I am in the same bout you are man I have tired quitting for years now lying to my wife in the process, which in return makes her very angry and not trust me, but this time is different I got support from awesome people on this website, also people that will push you in the direction that you need to go. You can do this buddy after the first three days it gets easier not completely but easier. Just pledge and post roll every day it will help. Also hit me up if you have any questions.
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Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.
It's gonna suck until it doesn't, but by football Sunday you should be feeling better!
Im not a football buff, not a big sports buff, but have my ways of distracting myself and straightening out the temptation hump. Just hoping that all that will help me jump over not under.
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Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.
Congrats on hitting Day 2. Now go post that shit up on roll.
I'm confused. Why hasn't your real Day 1 started yet?
Because chew is not the big problem here. Winning my wife's trust and changing to be a normal, honest person (which I never was in 7 years of marriage is. The day she starts trusting me is day 1. And I need to consistently be that, for years to come. My addiction is dishonesty, atleast I'm honest about that.
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Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.
Congrats on hitting Day 2. Now go post that shit up on roll.
br /I'm confused. Why hasn't your real Day 1 started yet?
Because chew is not the big problem here. Winning my wife's trust and changing to be a normal, honest person (which I never was in 7 years of marriage is. The day she starts trusting me is day 1. And I need to consistently be that, for years to come. My addiction is dishonesty, atleast I'm honest about that.
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I am in the same bout you are man I have tired quitting for years now lying to my wife in the process, which in return makes her very angry and not trust me, but this time is different I got support from awesome people on this website, also people that will push you in the direction that you need to go. You can do this buddy after the first three days it gets easier not completely but easier. Just pledge and post roll every day it will help. Also hit me up if you have any questions.
Day 2 went by OK. Day three sees my very anxious, impatient and irritated. But since my wife is in pieces bitten by my dishonest act yet another time. I want her back, I want her normal self back. And (if and) when she's back, my real day 1 starts in the journey of leading a life resisting faltering ways, each time I face an ethical dilemma. Thanks for all your support.
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Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.
Congrats on hitting Day 2. Now go post that shit up on roll.
I thought replying to messages and posting here was posting on the roll. Is it not? Clarify please.
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Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.
Congrats on hitting Day 2. Now go post that shit up on roll.
I thought replying to messages and posting here was posting on the roll. Is it not? Clarify please.
Your quit group is January 2015:
topic/10564902/16/?x=90#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10564902/16/?x=90#new)
These are the instructions for posting roll:
topic/1003072/1/?x=90 (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1003072/1/?x=90)
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Day 4 and 5 went OK. Temptations and cravings - but not strong enough. I don't know if it will come back strongly as before. Today is day 6 - successful so far.
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Day 4 and 5 went OK. Temptations and cravings - but not strong enough. I don't know if it will come back strongly as before. Today is day 6 - successful so far.
Fucking proud, wanttakingmylifeback.
Who cares if it comes back as strong as before? Right now...right this instance, you are deciding to be quit. Plan for the future, but let me just say that 6 days if freaking awesome. Could you imagine saying that you'd be 6 days in a week ago? You've come a long way, man. Let's walk together today.
Get some numbers. Use them. Be proactive in this quit. What's your plan for the day? Will you find yourself around users or at the cancer wall? How will you react to these situations? We plan. We protect our quit. Promising that you won't use today (posting roll) is the first step. Keep your word.
Take your life back.
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Day 4 and 5 went OK. Temptations and cravings - but not strong enough. I don't know if it will come back strongly as before. Today is day 6 - successful so far.
Fucking proud, wanttakingmylifeback.
Who cares if it comes back as strong as before? Right now...right this instance, you are deciding to be quit. Plan for the future, but let me just say that 6 days if freaking awesome. Could you imagine saying that you'd be 6 days in a week ago? You've come a long way, man. Let's walk together today.
Get some numbers. Use them. Be proactive in this quit. What's your plan for the day? Will you find yourself around users or at the cancer wall? How will you react to these situations? We plan. We protect our quit. Promising that you won't use today (posting roll) is the first step. Keep your word.
Take your life back.
Learn how to post roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/forum/55560/)
Your quit group - January 2015 (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10564902/127/#new)
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What WP said. Without a roll call it's just words on a screen to me.
UPDATE - I see a roll call, now I quit with you all day long!
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I started post rolling, posted at wrong place and was corrected. Its tough, but like you said posting roll here vs cancer wall (I could be there already due to past two times stopping and finally quitting 5 days ago - did it for few months each time), that's for my doctors to say. I am meeting with my ENT next week and dentist next weekend. Can't tell anything with certainty - but the thought of a leukoplakic patch or anything worse truly scares me like it has never before. Wish me luck.
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I truly hope you have a clean bill of health. As far as quitting, we don't wish luck here, we just quit for the day.
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I just met with a psychiatrist to explain my situation and get help. They say I have a racy mind, and if I don't fix it NOW, I may be on the walk towards bipolar disorder. WTF? 15 minutes fun and some dumbass doc calls me Mr Britney Spears. I will prove that doc wrong and come out clean in this whole crap. Enough of you tobacco nonsense - NEVER EVER TOUCHING YOU, EVER AGAIN.
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That's good — that's the NAFAR (Never Again For Any Reason) part of the equation. For me, when it gets really tough and the nicotine is whispering in my ear, I forget about NAFAR for a little while and just focus on my promise. I posted roll this morning (last night at 12:01 AM as the case may be) to promise to my quit group that I won't go near nicotine. And I'll do the same tomorrow: +1, ODAAT (One Day At A Time).
I quit with you today.
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That's good — that's the NAFAR (Never Again For Any Reason) part of the equation. For me, when it gets really tough and the nicotine is whispering in my ear, I forget about NAFAR for a little while and just focus on my promise. I posted roll this morning (last night at 12:01 AM as the case may be) to promise to my quit group that I won't go near nicotine. And I'll do the same tomorrow: +1, ODAAT (One Day At A Time).
I quit with you today.
Getting off of the nicotine train will often tame the "racy" mind. Your mind does crazy shit to get its nicotine fix. Stay quit and enjoy the rewards. You will not regret your awesome decision.
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This is the wife of OP ( wantmylifeback) here. I appreciate all the motivation provided by you all. Thank you for that.
He said the same thing about quitting 10 months back except that there was no forum he joined at that time. He told me he was clean for 100 days and he started it only recently. I don't know how true that is. But why would a quitter start again after 100 days? If relapse like that is possible, what difference will it make now? How do I trust that he will quit and not go back like last time? How long should one go ( in days ) to be completely out of it?
Sorry if I am sounding skeptical. I have been hurt way too many times to believe anything my husband says about quitting.
Appreciate your inputs.
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This is the wife of OP ( wantmylifeback) here. I appreciate all the motivation provided by you all. Thank you for that.
He said the same thing about quitting 10 months back except that there was no forum he joined at that time. He told me he was clean for 100 days and he started it only recently. I don't know how true that is. But why would a quitter start again after 100 days? If relapse like that is possible, what difference will it make now? How do I trust that he will quit and not go back like last time? How long should one go ( in days ) to be completely out of it?
Sorry if I am sounding skeptical. I have been hurt way too many times to believe anything my husband says about quitting.
Appreciate your inputs.
This is going to suck for both of you. Withdrawals are a bitch. sorry about the language but it is what it is.
Be sure to check out: http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/ (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/)
This will help you understand what he is going through. Be supportive. Encourage him to Post Roll Daily
these are the rules here:
1). Post roll Daily
2). Be a man of your word
3). Be active here
I am clean for 222 days after dipping for 23 years. I applaud you for being on here but you need to be supportive. There are things he can use that will help. alternatives (Fake dip, Smokey Mountain, seeds, atomic fireballs, etc). He needs a ton of water, love, and support. The water will help flush the toxins. Motrin will help the headaches. Exercise will help it all.
EDIT: We are never out of the woods. We are addicts and always will be. It sucks now but it will be easier but it takes time.
I will also add that I previously "stopped" for 3 years only to start again for some stupid reason. That was before I found this amazing place.
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Chat is also an amazing tool: http://chat.killthecan.org/ (http://chat.killthecan.org/)
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This is the wife of OP ( wantmylifeback) here. I appreciate all the motivation provided by you all. Thank you for that.
He said the same thing about quitting 10 months back except that there was no forum he joined at that time. He told me he was clean for 100 days and he started it only recently. I don't know how true that is. But why would a quitter start again after 100 days? If relapse like that is possible, what difference will it make now? How do I trust that he will quit and not go back like last time? How long should one go ( in days ) to be completely out of it?
Sorry if I am sounding skeptical. I have been hurt way too many times to believe anything my husband says about quitting.
Appreciate your inputs.
This is going to suck for both of you. Withdrawals are a bitch. sorry about the language but it is what it is.
Be sure to check out: http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/ (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/)
This will help you understand what he is going through. Be supportive. Encourage him to Post Roll Daily
these are the rules here:
1). Post roll Daily
2). Be a man of your word
3). Be active here
I am clean for 222 days after dipping for 23 years. I applaud you for being on here but you need to be supportive. There are things he can use that will help. alternatives (Fake dip, Smokey Mountain, seeds, atomic fireballs, etc). He needs a ton of water, love, and support. The water will help flush the toxins. Motrin will help the headaches. Exercise will help it all.
EDIT: We are never out of the woods. We are addicts and always will be. It sucks now but it will be easier but it takes time.
I will also add that I previously "stopped" for 3 years only to start again for some stupid reason. That was before I found this amazing place.
Lot of tough questions here.
Why would a quitter start again after 100 days? That's not a quitter but someone who stopped. Nicotine is an extremely addictive drug- think crack- it's on par with that. Your husband is addicted to a drug called nicotine. Being 100 days quit doesn't mean he is free of this addiction. Most of us on here have stopped abusing nicotine at some point in our life because we all are aware of the danger it can cause.
If relapse is possible, what difference will it make now? We are dealing with an addictive drug so relapse is possible. This site has helped numerous people stay QUIT. As for as 'now' - what better time than now? This is a nasty addiction and most of us have promised to quit before and either didn't or just stopped for awhile. This site with the posting of roll for accountability is my new daily routine- MAKE THAT PROMISE early and everyday and then be a man of my word for 24 hours. Those promises before this site were 'forever' promises- this is just a daily promise but it you make it daily- well the numbers add up.
How do I trust that he will quit and not go back like last time? Read the spousal support page Raider (above) provided. Most of us at some point has made a 'quit' promise to someone only to break that promise but once I started making that promise to myself and to complete strangers on a web site something clicked.
How long should one go (in days) to be completely out of it? One of the science dudes on here should answer this but to put it simply- we've abused our bodies with this drug, we paved highways in our bodies that nicotine flowed through- they will always be there. The further we go without the drug the more barren those nicotine highways become but they will always be there.
The only thing I can say is to be supportive, be positive. Stopping for 5 days, 20 days or 100 days isn't the ultimate goal but it's still better than not stopping at all- that's taking the positive. QUITTING IS THE ULTIMATE GOAL and maybe after numerous failed attempts it will finally resonate with your husband.
We take things one day at a time (ODAAT) with our quit. My wife knows this. She doesn't ask me about 'forever' with my quit- she'll ask me what day I'm on a couple times a week. One day at a time can be applied to a lot of areas in life.
Support him one day at a time. The days will add up all by themselves.
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This is the wife of OP ( wantmylifeback) here. I appreciate all the motivation provided by you all. Thank you for that.
He said the same thing about quitting 10 months back except that there was no forum he joined at that time. He told me he was clean for 100 days and he started it only recently. I don't know how true that is. But why would a quitter start again after 100 days? If relapse like that is possible, what difference will it make now? How do I trust that he will quit and not go back like last time? How long should one go ( in days ) to be completely out of it?
Sorry if I am sounding skeptical. I have been hurt way too many times to believe anything my husband says about quitting.
Appreciate your inputs.
This is going to suck for both of you. Withdrawals are a bitch. sorry about the language but it is what it is.
Be sure to check out: http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/ (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/)
This will help you understand what he is going through. Be supportive. Encourage him to Post Roll Daily
these are the rules here:
1). Post roll Daily
2). Be a man of your word
3). Be active here
I am clean for 222 days after dipping for 23 years. I applaud you for being on here but you need to be supportive. There are things he can use that will help. alternatives (Fake dip, Smokey Mountain, seeds, atomic fireballs, etc). He needs a ton of water, love, and support. The water will help flush the toxins. Motrin will help the headaches. Exercise will help it all.
EDIT: We are never out of the woods. We are addicts and always will be. It sucks now but it will be easier but it takes time.
I will also add that I previously "stopped" for 3 years only to start again for some stupid reason. That was before I found this amazing place.
Lot of tough questions here.
Why would a quitter start again after 100 days? That's not a quitter but someone who stopped. Nicotine is an extremely addictive drug- think crack- it's on par with that. Your husband is addicted to a drug called nicotine. Being 100 days quit doesn't mean he is free of this addiction. Most of us on here have stopped abusing nicotine at some point in our life because we all are aware of the danger it can cause.
If relapse is possible, what difference will it make now? We are dealing with an addictive drug so relapse is possible. This site has helped numerous people stay QUIT. As for as 'now' - what better time than now? This is a nasty addiction and most of us have promised to quit before and either didn't or just stopped for awhile. This site with the posting of roll for accountability is my new daily routine- MAKE THAT PROMISE early and everyday and then be a man of my word for 24 hours. Those promises before this site were 'forever' promises- this is just a daily promise but it you make it daily- well the numbers add up.
How do I trust that he will quit and not go back like last time? Read the spousal support page Raider (above) provided. Most of us at some point has made a 'quit' promise to someone only to break that promise but once I started making that promise to myself and to complete strangers on a web site something clicked.
How long should one go (in days) to be completely out of it? One of the science dudes on here should answer this but to put it simply- we've abused our bodies with this drug, we paved highways in our bodies that nicotine flowed through- they will always be there. The further we go without the drug the more barren those nicotine highways become but they will always be there.
The only thing I can say is to be supportive, be positive. Stopping for 5 days, 20 days or 100 days isn't the ultimate goal but it's still better than not stopping at all- that's taking the positive. QUITTING IS THE ULTIMATE GOAL and maybe after numerous failed attempts it will finally resonate with your husband.
We take things one day at a time (ODAAT) with our quit. My wife knows this. She doesn't ask me about 'forever' with my quit- she'll ask me what day I'm on a couple times a week. One day at a time can be applied to a lot of areas in life.
Support him one day at a time. The days will add up all by themselves.
As long as your husband stays committed to this brotherhood he will be successful. My advice to you is to let him fully leverage this site and you stay supportive and tuned in. In exchange for your support he will be completely honest with you. It's the only way.
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This is the wife of OP ( wantmylifeback) here. I appreciate all the motivation provided by you all. Thank you for that.
He said the same thing about quitting 10 months back except that there was no forum he joined at that time. He told me he was clean for 100 days and he started it only recently. I don't know how true that is. But why would a quitter start again after 100 days? If relapse like that is possible, what difference will it make now? How do I trust that he will quit and not go back like last time? How long should one go ( in days ) to be completely out of it?
Sorry if I am sounding skeptical. I have been hurt way too many times to believe anything my husband says about quitting.
Appreciate your inputs.
This is going to suck for both of you. Withdrawals are a bitch. sorry about the language but it is what it is.
Be sure to check out: http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/ (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/)
This will help you understand what he is going through. Be supportive. Encourage him to Post Roll Daily
these are the rules here:
1). Post roll Daily
2). Be a man of your word
3). Be active here
I am clean for 222 days after dipping for 23 years. I applaud you for being on here but you need to be supportive. There are things he can use that will help. alternatives (Fake dip, Smokey Mountain, seeds, atomic fireballs, etc). He needs a ton of water, love, and support. The water will help flush the toxins. Motrin will help the headaches. Exercise will help it all.
EDIT: We are never out of the woods. We are addicts and always will be. It sucks now but it will be easier but it takes time.
I will also add that I previously "stopped" for 3 years only to start again for some stupid reason. That was before I found this amazing place.
Lot of tough questions here.
Why would a quitter start again after 100 days? That's not a quitter but someone who stopped. Nicotine is an extremely addictive drug- think crack- it's on par with that. Your husband is addicted to a drug called nicotine. Being 100 days quit doesn't mean he is free of this addiction. Most of us on here have stopped abusing nicotine at some point in our life because we all are aware of the danger it can cause.
If relapse is possible, what difference will it make now? We are dealing with an addictive drug so relapse is possible. This site has helped numerous people stay QUIT. As for as 'now' - what better time than now? This is a nasty addiction and most of us have promised to quit before and either didn't or just stopped for awhile. This site with the posting of roll for accountability is my new daily routine- MAKE THAT PROMISE early and everyday and then be a man of my word for 24 hours. Those promises before this site were 'forever' promises- this is just a daily promise but it you make it daily- well the numbers add up.
How do I trust that he will quit and not go back like last time? Read the spousal support page Raider (above) provided. Most of us at some point has made a 'quit' promise to someone only to break that promise but once I started making that promise to myself and to complete strangers on a web site something clicked.
How long should one go (in days) to be completely out of it? One of the science dudes on here should answer this but to put it simply- we've abused our bodies with this drug, we paved highways in our bodies that nicotine flowed through- they will always be there. The further we go without the drug the more barren those nicotine highways become but they will always be there.
The only thing I can say is to be supportive, be positive. Stopping for 5 days, 20 days or 100 days isn't the ultimate goal but it's still better than not stopping at all- that's taking the positive. QUITTING IS THE ULTIMATE GOAL and maybe after numerous failed attempts it will finally resonate with your husband.
We take things one day at a time (ODAAT) with our quit. My wife knows this. She doesn't ask me about 'forever' with my quit- she'll ask me what day I'm on a couple times a week. One day at a time can be applied to a lot of areas in life.
Support him one day at a time. The days will add up all by themselves.
As long as your husband stays committed to this brotherhood he will be successful. My advice to you is to let him fully leverage this site and you stay supportive and tuned in. In exchange for your support he will be completely honest with you. It's the only way.
QUITS are earned one day at a time.
TRUST can also be earned one day at a time.
Can't change the past but we can build on today.
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This is the wife of OP ( wantmylifeback) here. I appreciate all the motivation provided by you all. Thank you for that.
He said the same thing about quitting 10 months back except that there was no forum he joined at that time. He told me he was clean for 100 days and he started it only recently. I don't know how true that is. But why would a quitter start again after 100 days? If relapse like that is possible, what difference will it make now? How do I trust that he will quit and not go back like last time? How long should one go ( in days ) to be completely out of it?
Sorry if I am sounding skeptical. I have been hurt way too many times to believe anything my husband says about quitting.
Appreciate your inputs.
My wife doesn't trust me, and I've been half a year quit (188 days today). I don't know what to tell you, we are addicts, and the best we can do is one day at a time. Take the days he is quit and enjoy them! See that he posts roll daily, and keeps his promise, that's all I got.
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Today is day 7, and it has been a bumpy road. I took the meds given by my psychiatrist and on the contrary (it should make me less irritated and calm), it has made me (after 2 hours after waking up) more irritated and tired and groggy. I have lots to do at work, and wont let it suffer, so am trying had to focus. It may be the nicotine craving vs the drugs effect, which is causing this. I am not sure, but I am sure that I can and I will sail through day 7. Wish me luck.
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Today is day 7, and it has been a bumpy road. I took the meds given by my psychiatrist and on the contrary (it should make me less irritated and calm), it has made me (after 2 hours after waking up) more irritated and tired and groggy. I have lots to do at work, and wont let it suffer, so am trying had to focus. It may be the nicotine craving vs the drugs effect, which is causing this. I am not sure, but I am sure that I can and I will sail through day 7. Wish me luck.
Remember, Luck is not part of our vocabulary. Wishing you a happy day of being quit. Drink a ton of water. If ya walk by a pisser and you ain't pissing, you ain't drinking enough. day 7 is great. The mental part is part of the process. Just tell her (the nic bitch) to Fuck Off and move on with your life.
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Day 7 was bumpy, but sailed through it. Day 8 just started. Going to be too busy at work, and so hopefully wont have any time / room for temptation. No luck, I think I GOT IT!
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Day 9 is done. Had a busy (13 hour) day at work. So far so good. (wanymylifeback from wife's id)
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Day 10 - nasty hectic first half of the day, and sleepy second half. Its over.
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Day 11 - so far so good. Thanks for all your support. Meeting my ENT tomorrow. Wish me luck.
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Day 12. Fighting it tough. Hope there isn't any bad news for me.
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Day 13 - going good so far. Found out from my ENT that I have a hole in my right ear drum. Can someone throw some light on whether this could be due to chewable tobacco. I have a lit of other reasons that this could happen, but wanted to rule out that niccy bitch didn't cause the puncture. Thanks !
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Day 13 - going good so far. Found out from my ENT that I have a hole in my right ear drum. Can someone throw some light on whether this could be due to chewable tobacco. I have a lit of other reasons that this could happen, but wanted to rule out that niccy bitch didn't cause the puncture. Thanks !
Don't know about that but the nic bitch sure as fuck can't help it.
How can it be fixed?
Keep some good thoughts for you brother.
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Day 13 - going good so far. Found out from my ENT that I have a hole in my right ear drum. Can someone throw some light on whether this could be due to chewable tobacco. I have a lit of other reasons that this could happen, but wanted to rule out that niccy bitch didn't cause the puncture. Thanks !
Don't know about that but the nic bitch sure as fuck can't help it.
How can it be fixed?
Keep some good thoughts for you brother.
MNBen hasn't been having ear sex with you whilst you sleep has he............ 'ninja'
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Day 15. Anger, frustration, anxiety, depression - faced it all, but fighting it out.
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Around two weeks is a little hiccup called the two week weakness, just ride it out and you'll be back out in the sun in no time. Nicotine constricts your blood flow making healing slower for your body so while not causing your puncture, it certainly inhibits you from getting better as fast.
how is your caffeine intake? nic counteracts the effects of caffeine so cut back if you haven't already.
Exercise can help as well- Take short walks during the day if you can.
Keep your blood sugar up and steady- a crash will lead to craves.
Your doing the most important thing in the world today. Your saving your life. That's your priority.
You got this
sM
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Hey bud I too have suffered several ear issues but I can state that mine were not caused by my tobacco usage. When I was very young I had ear problems that just went away with time, but about a year ago I was on a flight from St. Louis to Detroit and my left ear drum ruptured, a good ENT can help remedy the problem quickly and I recommend looking for one that specializes specifically in Ears because not all ENTs are created equal.
And to add to Skoal Monster's sage advice I recommend drinking lots of water and when an urge, craving or a lull hits you break into some push ups, lunges or jumping jacks until they go away. That small bit of exercising will help and it may lead you down a path to a healthier lifestyle and options for outlets.
P.S. I too am 37 and was a long time addict before I saw the light and decided to commit back to my life in lieu of giving in to temptation.
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Day 16 - nasty day so far. Not because of nicotine, but some other factors.
Pinched: My ENT is pretty good. She said if it doesn't heal up itself in 4 months, we might have to investigate corrective measures then. Hearing is within normal range and its more irritation and feeling of my head is inside a water balloon rather than hearing loss. Occasional pricking in the right ear, but not a huge inconvenience.
I am drinking lots of water everyday since I quit. Yesterday in particular I had 8 x 32 oz bottles full of water.
Skoal Monster: I am a big coffee drinker (4 cups a day typical). Exercise - really not my cup of tea, have tried but cant really be consistent.
I am not a long term chewer (few weeks / months each time, three stops and this is the fourth and real quit). I have read that the longer you do it, or the multiple times you restart it, the more difficult it gets to quit.
Keeping mind strong to say NO to nic bitch. Lets see. ONE DAY AT A TIME !
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Day 17 - had my dentist (cleaning appointment). She cleaned up all the stains (nic, coffee, cabs, fats - and all that crap that builds up as plaq). Confirmed my ENT's conclusion that I am not marching towards the wall of cancer yet. Relieved, but again this is not a ticket for letting temptation win over me this time around. No turning back.
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Day 17 - had my dentist (cleaning appointment). She cleaned up all the stains (nic, coffee, cabs, fats - and all that crap that builds up as plaq). Confirmed my ENT's conclusion that I am not marching towards the wall of cancer yet. Relieved, but again this is not a ticket for letting temptation win over me this time around. No turning back.
So after being here for 17 days (badass and well done) have you figured out yet who holds the key to getting your life back?
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Of course razd611. True that. Fighting nic bitch is something and Day 18 was OK. Sometime very strong cravings for sure, hands tremble, I gasp, etc... but I'm hoping it will die out with tons of water that I'm drinking and distraction (rather focus on life) strategies.
But "holding the key back to getting my life back" is a totally different ball game altogether. I want my wife back, and I can only win her by honesty - consistent honesty (the very reason for my username).
Thanks for the support. This forum is great.
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Day 19 - so far, so good. Trying to focus on work and other personal stuff. I see the craving dying out on some days. Is that a myth?
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Day 19 - so far, so good. Trying to focus on work and other personal stuff. I see the craving dying out on some days. Is that a myth?
Do you mean that you will crave less and less? Absolutely!
I recognize a crave for what it is now, think of how far I have come, and what will happen if I succumb to that crave. If it's a bad crave I send a text to 5 quitters, usually a text mimicking Bobby Cumbubbles, and that will be the end of that crave! Mind over matter, and using the tool will get you that +1.
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Day 19 - so far, so good. Trying to focus on work and other personal stuff. I see the craving dying out on some days. Is that a myth?
Do you mean that you will crave less and less? Absolutely!
I recognize a crave for what it is now, think of how far I have come, and what will happen if I succumb to that crave. If it's a bad crave I send a text to 5 quitters, usually a text mimicking Bobby Cumbubbles, and that will be the end of that crave! Mind over matter, and using the tool will get you that +1.
If its a bad crave, I remind myself sweating at my ENT's chair (it was a cold 68-70ish office) when she said the salivary gland looked little bigger and different, but later confirmed it wasn't anything pre-cancerous or cancerous. 'bang head'
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Why is craving like a roller coaster? Somedays feels like a teetotaler (again), but some days are nasty. Today is not nasty, am talking about those bad days in between. Can someone explain?
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Why is craving like a roller coaster? Somedays feels like a teetotaler (again), but some days are nasty. Today is not nasty, am talking about those bad days in between. Can someone explain?
It's like a roller coaster now, because you already went through the constant 24/7 onslaught of withdrawal that comes in the first few days. The craves should start becoming more predictable - certainly more manageable in terms of duration. I'm guessing that if you compared your average craves now to the ones you had back on days 2-5, they would be much lighter now. But, you've been running this marathon for a while. Even the short, quick hills are going to be tiring. This is fairly common around the 1 month mark. I tend to think of it as the first real post-quit funk. It's aggravating that after a long, grueling month of being quit, it feels like you should have "earned" your freedom from craves by now. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. It's just another tool that the nic bitch has at her disposal to try to lure you back to humping a can. She gets in a few quick body blows, hoping to soften you up, and then she goes back on defense. This dance goes on for a while, but it does get better bit by bit, day by day.
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Day 17 - had my dentist (cleaning appointment). She cleaned up all the stains (nic, coffee, cabs, fats - and all that crap that builds up as plaq). Confirmed my ENT's conclusion that I am not marching towards the wall of cancer yet. Relieved, but again this is not a ticket for letting temptation win over me this time around. No turning back.
So after being here for 17 days (badass and well done) have you figured out yet who holds the key to getting your life back?
Obviously you don't get it............
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Day 17 - had my dentist (cleaning appointment). She cleaned up all the stains (nic, coffee, cabs, fats - and all that crap that builds up as plaq). Confirmed my ENT's conclusion that I am not marching towards the wall of cancer yet. Relieved, but again this is not a ticket for letting temptation win over me this time around. No turning back.
So after being here for 17 days (badass and well done) have you figured out yet who holds the key to getting your life back?
Obviously you don't get it............
What don't I get? Obviously I hold the key to getting myself back and therefore (over a period of time, my wife's trust) my life back.
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Why is craving like a roller coaster? Somedays feels like a teetotaler (again), but some days are nasty. Today is not nasty, am talking about those bad days in between. Can someone explain?
It's like a roller coaster now, because you already went through the constant 24/7 onslaught of withdrawal that comes in the first few days. The craves should start becoming more predictable - certainly more manageable in terms of duration. I'm guessing that if you compared your average craves now to the ones you had back on days 2-5, they would be much lighter now. But, you've been running this marathon for a while. Even the short, quick hills are going to be tiring. This is fairly common around the 1 month mark. I tend to think of it as the first real post-quit funk. It's aggravating that after a long, grueling month of being quit, it feels like you should have "earned" your freedom from craves by now. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. It's just another tool that the nic bitch has at her disposal to try to lure you back to humping a can. She gets in a few quick body blows, hoping to soften you up, and then she goes back on defense. This dance goes on for a while, but it does get better bit by bit, day by day.
I have ways to nip her in the bud when she crops up. Wife's trust, daughter, my health, and two dreaded questions (which I don't choose to share here, but are like camera enforced red light signals for my self-esteem and conscience), and the list goes on... Thanks for the words of encouragement.
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Why is craving like a roller coaster? Somedays feels like a teetotaler (again), but some days are nasty. Today is not nasty, am talking about those bad days in between. Can someone explain?
It's like a roller coaster now, because you already went through the constant 24/7 onslaught of withdrawal that comes in the first few days. The craves should start becoming more predictable - certainly more manageable in terms of duration. I'm guessing that if you compared your average craves now to the ones you had back on days 2-5, they would be much lighter now. But, you've been running this marathon for a while. Even the short, quick hills are going to be tiring. This is fairly common around the 1 month mark. I tend to think of it as the first real post-quit funk. It's aggravating that after a long, grueling month of being quit, it feels like you should have "earned" your freedom from craves by now. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. It's just another tool that the nic bitch has at her disposal to try to lure you back to humping a can. She gets in a few quick body blows, hoping to soften you up, and then she goes back on defense. This dance goes on for a while, but it does get better bit by bit, day by day.
I have ways to nip her in the bud when she crops up. Wife's trust, daughter, my health, and two dreaded questions (which I don't choose to share here, but are like camera enforced red light signals for my self-esteem and conscience), and the list goes on... Thanks for the words of encouragement.
^^This is when you really start to understand the addiction. Knowing that there are tools there to help you through a craving is great, continuing to utilize those tools is critical. Early in my quit I got tired of hearing "it gets better", mainly because I was a raging addicted ass that just wanted the better to be now. In time it really did change, today I get cravings only when other triggers go off, then I either freebase some cinnamon candies or exercise.
Keep this kind of attitude and I will quit with you Every Blessed Day.
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Day 17 - had my dentist (cleaning appointment). She cleaned up all the stains (nic, coffee, cabs, fats - and all that crap that builds up as plaq). Confirmed my ENT's conclusion that I am not marching towards the wall of cancer yet. Relieved, but again this is not a ticket for letting temptation win over me this time around. No turning back.
So after being here for 17 days (badass and well done) have you figured out yet who holds the key to getting your life back?
Obviously you don't get it............
What don't I get? Obviously I hold the key to getting myself back and therefore (over a period of time, my wife's trust) my life back.
I appologize. I confused you wth someone else.
:$
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Day 17 - had my dentist (cleaning appointment). She cleaned up all the stains (nic, coffee, cabs, fats - and all that crap that builds up as plaq). Confirmed my ENT's conclusion that I am not marching towards the wall of cancer yet. Relieved, but again this is not a ticket for letting temptation win over me this time around. No turning back.
So after being here for 17 days (badass and well done) have you figured out yet who holds the key to getting your life back?
Obviously you don't get it............
What don't I get? Obviously I hold the key to getting myself back and therefore (over a period of time, my wife's trust) my life back.
I appologize. I confused you wth someone else.
:$
No problem. I did quit cold turkey, but have been reading a lot of posts, experiences and quit stories on this forum, which have been very useful, along with my own tools (which includes watching videos on harmful effects of tobacco), whenever I hear nic bitch whispering in my ears. So I was really not sure what I don't get. There could be something that I don't know, and do want to, in order to not miss out on that aspect. Please let me know. Thanks in advance.
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Day 17 - had my dentist (cleaning appointment). She cleaned up all the stains (nic, coffee, cabs, fats - and all that crap that builds up as plaq). Confirmed my ENT's conclusion that I am not marching towards the wall of cancer yet. Relieved, but again this is not a ticket for letting temptation win over me this time around. No turning back.
So after being here for 17 days (badass and well done) have you figured out yet who holds the key to getting your life back?
Obviously you don't get it............
What don't I get? Obviously I hold the key to getting myself back and therefore (over a period of time, my wife's trust) my life back.
I appologize. I confused you wth someone else.
:$
No problem. I did quit cold turkey, but have been reading a lot of posts, experiences and quit stories on this forum, which have been very useful, along with my own tools (which includes watching videos on harmful effects of tobacco), whenever I hear nic bitch whispering in my ears. So I was really not sure what I don't get. There could be something that I don't know, and do want to, in order to not miss out on that aspect. Please let me know. Thanks in advance.
Keep doing what you are doing. Read, watch videos, post role every damn day, use your intro to document your quit. Do what you need to do to stay quit. Nail the door shut, burn the boat- don't ever go back.
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Day 30 today. So far, so good.
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Day 30 today. So far, so good.
Well done on the 30 days. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. The path will widen and you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
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Day 30 today. So far, so good.
Well done on the 30 days. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. The path will widen and you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
30 days is awesome wantmy. You're killing it. Think about where you were 31 days ago. I'm never going back.
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razd611 and done4me - thanks for the encouragement. Of course no turning back is what I've been telling myself.
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Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.
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Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.
Hey man, I was reading through your intro and other posts. Just wanted to offer up some support. Trust me I get the white lies, as I'm sure all of us have told them in the past. For me, I have found honesty is the best policy, even after a lie is told. Just get it off your chest and explain the reasoning, even if the reasoning is bullshit.
Quit with you today brother
Rohde
Hucd
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Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.
Hey man, I was reading through your intro and other posts. Just wanted to offer up some support. Trust me I get the white lies, as I'm sure all of us have told them in the past. For me, I have found honesty is the best policy, even after a lie is told. Just get it off your chest and explain the reasoning, even if the reasoning is bullshit.
Quit with you today brother
Rohde
Hucd
Reason being BS is her problem. If its something like powdering a tablet, why not say it rather than mask it with a lie. What if that's a lie (ITS NOT) like all the previous times is her question. And I truly don't have an answer, but the fact that this time it was truly the tablet I was powdering, and I have no option to repeat this a million times, whether she is willing to accept it or not. May be I am so afraid of her, and lie, and get caught even worsely, however big / small it is - a lie is a lie is a lie.
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Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.
Hey man I read through your posts, and it is like looking in a mirror. I've been married 10+ years and I've also been the white liar, and always for no good reason. I don't know why but I've always rationalized it as easier to lie than deal with the questions...being a ninja was my biggest lie and I got caught multiple times. But being quit has opened my eyes and made me realize the lying is simply another behavior that needs to change. I dipped in secret and quit in secret, but decided to lay it all out with my wife last night, telling her about my quit and this site. I was hoping to get farther along in my quit before telling her so it would seem more believable (I am on day 6). But she was totally on board and supportive, and I realize that all the bullshit and the lies are going to come out into the light anyway and she deserves better.
Maybe we are naturals liars but we can choose not to do it, just like we are addicts and choose not to take the poison. Look at you, almost at day 100 in the biggest fight of your life. If you can get this far you can sack it up and stop lying, everything else is petty bullshit compared to this.
Proud to be quit with you!
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Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.
Hey man I read through your posts, and it is like looking in a mirror. I've been married 10+ years and I've also been the white liar, and always for no good reason. I don't know why but I've always rationalized it as easier to lie than deal with the questions...being a ninja was my biggest lie and I got caught multiple times. But being quit has opened my eyes and made me realize the lying is simply another behavior that needs to change. I dipped in secret and quit in secret, but decided to lay it all out with my wife last night, telling her about my quit and this site. I was hoping to get farther along in my quit before telling her so it would seem more believable (I am on day 6). But she was totally on board and supportive, and I realize that all the bullshit and the lies are going to come out into the light anyway and she deserves better.
Maybe we are naturals liars but we can choose not to do it, just like we are addicts and choose not to take the poison. Look at you, almost at day 100 in the biggest fight of your life. If you can get this far you can sack it up and stop lying, everything else is petty bullshit compared to this.
Proud to be quit with you!
Thanks for the reply. What you are mentioning is what pains me the most. I got away with lies on nic (substance that impacts health and happiness), till I got caught. This is something that really didn't warrant a lie, fear of 10 questions and argument made me lie, which has caused a night full of and probably days to follow full of sorrow and depression on her end and mine. I am willing to (since there is really no folded in lies) to bring the powder to any chemical testing to prove that it was the same tablet, and am ready to test every ounce of my blood for any controlled substance and if I am exposed (which I'm damn sure I wont be). But none of these seem to calm her... It all just happened last night. You are right. More than nic (which I have crushed out - trust me if was very tough since I quit cold turkey), lying is my biggest addiction (like she points out rightly) and I need to break it. Last night, I learnt it the hard way that facing 10 questions is better than lying, getting caught and spoiling everything for everyone.
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Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.
Hey man I read through your posts, and it is like looking in a mirror. I've been married 10+ years and I've also been the white liar, and always for no good reason. I don't know why but I've always rationalized it as easier to lie than deal with the questions...being a ninja was my biggest lie and I got caught multiple times. But being quit has opened my eyes and made me realize the lying is simply another behavior that needs to change. I dipped in secret and quit in secret, but decided to lay it all out with my wife last night, telling her about my quit and this site. I was hoping to get farther along in my quit before telling her so it would seem more believable (I am on day 6). But she was totally on board and supportive, and I realize that all the bullshit and the lies are going to come out into the light anyway and she deserves better.
Maybe we are naturals liars but we can choose not to do it, just like we are addicts and choose not to take the poison. Look at you, almost at day 100 in the biggest fight of your life. If you can get this far you can sack it up and stop lying, everything else is petty bullshit compared to this.
Proud to be quit with you!
Thanks for the reply. What you are mentioning is what pains me the most. I got away with lies on nic (substance that impacts health and happiness), till I got caught. This is something that really didn't warrant a lie, fear of 10 questions and argument made me lie, which has caused a night full of and probably days to follow full of sorrow and depression on her end and mine. I am willing to (since there is really no folded in lies) to bring the powder to any chemical testing to prove that it was the same tablet, and am ready to test every ounce of my blood for any controlled substance and if I am exposed (which I'm damn sure I wont be). But none of these seem to calm her... It all just happened last night. You are right. More than nic (which I have crushed out - trust me if was very tough since I quit cold turkey), lying is my biggest addiction (like she points out rightly) and I need to break it. Last night, I learnt it the hard way that facing 10 questions is better than lying, getting caught and spoiling everything for everyone.
Yeah you do. And when I say you I mean we. Just like you quit nic, make that choice to be honest today, make it tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. You've got no equity now so don't expect to be believed, but do it because it is the right thing to do, and keep doing it. You've got to fix yourself and the rest will follow.
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Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.
Hey man I read through your posts, and it is like looking in a mirror. I've been married 10+ years and I've also been the white liar, and always for no good reason. I don't know why but I've always rationalized it as easier to lie than deal with the questions...being a ninja was my biggest lie and I got caught multiple times. But being quit has opened my eyes and made me realize the lying is simply another behavior that needs to change. I dipped in secret and quit in secret, but decided to lay it all out with my wife last night, telling her about my quit and this site. I was hoping to get farther along in my quit before telling her so it would seem more believable (I am on day 6). But she was totally on board and supportive, and I realize that all the bullshit and the lies are going to come out into the light anyway and she deserves better.
Maybe we are naturals liars but we can choose not to do it, just like we are addicts and choose not to take the poison. Look at you, almost at day 100 in the biggest fight of your life. If you can get this far you can sack it up and stop lying, everything else is petty bullshit compared to this.
Proud to be quit with you!
Thanks for the reply. What you are mentioning is what pains me the most. I got away with lies on nic (substance that impacts health and happiness), till I got caught. This is something that really didn't warrant a lie, fear of 10 questions and argument made me lie, which has caused a night full of and probably days to follow full of sorrow and depression on her end and mine. I am willing to (since there is really no folded in lies) to bring the powder to any chemical testing to prove that it was the same tablet, and am ready to test every ounce of my blood for any controlled substance and if I am exposed (which I'm damn sure I wont be). But none of these seem to calm her... It all just happened last night. You are right. More than nic (which I have crushed out - trust me if was very tough since I quit cold turkey), lying is my biggest addiction (like she points out rightly) and I need to break it. Last night, I learnt it the hard way that facing 10 questions is better than lying, getting caught and spoiling everything for everyone.
Yeah you do. And when I say you I mean we. Just like you quit nic, make that choice to be honest today, make it tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. You've got no equity now so don't expect to be believed, but do it because it is the right thing to do, and keep doing it. You've got to fix yourself and the rest will follow.
"killthelies.org" created and used for me with today being quit day 1. It's so bashful and embarrassing going through all this crap at 37, that too for something I could have totally avoided. When I lie (big or small), I seriously cant surmise what goes on in my mind triggering all this (a combination emotions predominantly fear of questions), but I have no choice but to reap what I sowed. Her point is "so you don't like to be questioned on anything you do, and if I question you, you take to more aggressive lies...?" valid enough.
-
Day 96 of quit. But last night I lied to her again. I consulted a psychiatrist and he gave me a stress handling medication, which I wanted to powder up and mix with coffee / tea and drink. But thinking she would ask me a 100 questions, I lied to her (but was powdering it right in front of her claiming it was cardamom) and she found out. It may not be tobacco, but a lie is a lie is a lie.
Hey man I read through your posts, and it is like looking in a mirror. I've been married 10+ years and I've also been the white liar, and always for no good reason. I don't know why but I've always rationalized it as easier to lie than deal with the questions...being a ninja was my biggest lie and I got caught multiple times. But being quit has opened my eyes and made me realize the lying is simply another behavior that needs to change. I dipped in secret and quit in secret, but decided to lay it all out with my wife last night, telling her about my quit and this site. I was hoping to get farther along in my quit before telling her so it would seem more believable (I am on day 6). But she was totally on board and supportive, and I realize that all the bullshit and the lies are going to come out into the light anyway and she deserves better.
Maybe we are naturals liars but we can choose not to do it, just like we are addicts and choose not to take the poison. Look at you, almost at day 100 in the biggest fight of your life. If you can get this far you can sack it up and stop lying, everything else is petty bullshit compared to this.
Proud to be quit with you!
Thanks for the reply. What you are mentioning is what pains me the most. I got away with lies on nic (substance that impacts health and happiness), till I got caught. This is something that really didn't warrant a lie, fear of 10 questions and argument made me lie, which has caused a night full of and probably days to follow full of sorrow and depression on her end and mine. I am willing to (since there is really no folded in lies) to bring the powder to any chemical testing to prove that it was the same tablet, and am ready to test every ounce of my blood for any controlled substance and if I am exposed (which I'm damn sure I wont be). But none of these seem to calm her... It all just happened last night. You are right. More than nic (which I have crushed out - trust me if was very tough since I quit cold turkey), lying is my biggest addiction (like she points out rightly) and I need to break it. Last night, I learnt it the hard way that facing 10 questions is better than lying, getting caught and spoiling everything for everyone.
Yeah you do. And when I say you I mean we. Just like you quit nic, make that choice to be honest today, make it tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. You've got no equity now so don't expect to be believed, but do it because it is the right thing to do, and keep doing it. You've got to fix yourself and the rest will follow.
"killthelies.org" created and used for me with today being quit day 1. It's so bashful and embarrassing going through all this crap at 37, that too for something I could have totally avoided. When I lie (big or small), I seriously cant surmise what goes on in my mind triggering all this (a combination emotions predominantly fear of questions), but I have no choice but to reap what I sowed. Her point is "so you don't like to be questioned on anything you do, and if I question you, you take to more aggressive lies...?" valid enough.
Ha, if you think this is embarrassing at 37 try 43 (soon to be 44 next week)! I would kill to be in your spot now and have several more years of my life without the BS! You got this!