KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Lost on July 18, 2010, 03:39:00 PM
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I had my last dip yesterday! I'm done! I don't want it anymore!
I'm tired of being a slave to the can.
I have lied to and avoided my family so I could have a dip... That will never happen again!
I want to be a good role-model for my son, and want to be around as long as possible for him.
I just looked at the calendar, counted out the days, and my 100th day will be my 3rd wedding anniversary... kinda cool coincidence
I can't wait to be free of this shit!
Adam
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Congratulations on making a GOOD decision...if you want to be successful, don't fight the system that is in place here - there are a lot of quitters that started out just like you and are well into 100s, 200s, 500s, even over a thousand days of quit. You'll see the frequent "quitter" that gets on here, bucks the system, thinks he knows how HE needs to quit and basically tells the site that he doesn't need it...and gives up. Don't be that guy. The word QUIT is a verb, meaning it is an action word...you have to take action, be active to be quit. Stay involoved in the site...post everything...how you are feeling, when you are having a tough time, when you are going to be on the road...all that stuff. And read....you can learn a lot simply from seeing what others have gone through and experienced...and how they have dealt with it. Get numbers of brothers/sisters on here in order to contact them when you are feeling like caving, or just to check in if you or they havent posted roll for the day yet.
Never forget that you made the right choice in starting your quit. Especially when you start doubting yourself, your desire to quit, your will-power and your resolve. Trust me, you will doubt these things and a lot more. Think of the sneakiest, most controlling, gold-digging, most decietful, uncaring, selfish woman you can imagine and then add a ton to it and that is what the so-called "Nic Bitch" is.
Above all, post roll every day as early as you can and KEEP YOUR WORD. By posting roll you make a promise not only to yourself, but to each and every member on this site that you WILL NOT DIP FOR THAT DAY. We aren't asking you to commit to a promise to staying quit for life...just one day at a time...one roll post at a time. As long as yuo have integrity and your word means something, you will be a successful quitter.
Welcome to the suck...welcome to your quit. Welcome to the best decision you could have made.
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Nice job on quitting. I hope your wife has some special kind of reward picked out for your 100 but that is not to be thought about right now.
1 day at a time.
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Welcome
Show me what you got.
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Show me what you got.
See that right there is what I need.... I like the challenge!
Thanks for the support!
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Show me what you got.
See that right there is what I need.... I like the challenge!
Thanks for the support!
Give your word. keep it.
When you get 10 days under your belt, PM me and I will issue you a new challenge.
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When you get 10 days under your belt, PM me and I will issue you a new challenge.
You sir, have a deal
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Adam,
You can do it! No matter how hard it gets! I know even 8 days in its still going to be hell, but every day the number gets bigger and the cravings become less and less. Just stay positive about it! remember its for the best!
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I had my last dip yesterday! I'm done! I don't want it anymore!
I'm tired of being a slave to the can.
I have lied to and avoided my family so I could have a dip... That will never happen again!
I want to be a good role-model for my son, and want to be around as long as possible for him.
I just looked at the calendar, counted out the days, and my 100th day will be my 3rd wedding anniversary... kinda cool coincidence
I can't wait to be free of this shit!
Adam
Nice decision, Adam! Hang in there bud...YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Day 2 and I actually feel better than I thought I would.
Last night I discovered what is going to be the hardest part. Running my dog... I have taken her out and run her since we got her every night. Last night was the first night that I did it without a dip stuffed in my mouth... it sucked!
So, instead of bitching about it while I was there I just focused on the training and we actually got a lot more done than usual...
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Made it through day 3, and it was by far the worse than the last 2 days...
But when it got bad I reached for the seeds and told myself that I aint pussin' out on this one.
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One more day in the rear view. . .nice job.
See you at roll call tomorrow.
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Made it through my first week of 'dip free' work. It was tough, but this site and my friends at work helped alot.
Thanks to everyone here for the support.
Adam
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Five days is huge.
You are huge.
Stay huge.
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Keep fighting. One day at a time.
Post your promise and I will be there with you !!!
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On day 9, still rough but slowly getting a little better.
This quit is mine today...
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On day 9, still rough but slowly getting a little better.
This quit is mine today...
Keep up the good work Lost - I'm a day behind you but right there with you - kick ass.
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120 hours down. today was a real bitch. felt like i had ADD - never did get any real work done. gonna go get my 4 year old daughter and stay outside and on the move. seems like its only when i stop that it really gets tough these last 2 days.
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120 hours down. today was a real bitch. felt like i had ADD - never did get any real work done. gonna go get my 4 year old daughter and stay outside and on the move. seems like its only when i stop that it really gets tough these last 2 days.
It will get better. I stared at my computer for for a month. Could not get shit done. Could not hold a thought in my head for longer than 2 minutes. You will get through the fog.... you will feel better... just keep fighting.
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Five days is huge.
You are huge.
Stay huge.
man they told me if i stay huge for more then 3 hours i shood seek ammediet medicle attenshun!!! 'BanDog'
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Five days is huge.
You are huge.
Stay huge.
man they told me if i stay huge for more then 3 hours i shood seek ammediet medicle attenshun!!! 'BanDog'
'crackup'
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Day 10, the fog is lifting a little (for now, I'm sure) and I have a little bit of energy back.
But I got to tell ya'll that the best feeling in the entire world has been the last week and a half. I have not had to hide anything, find a reason to leave my family, or lie to them for any reason.
So, yes, the quit is tough but knowing that I'm doing right by my wife and son makes this suck more than worth it!
Thanks again for everyones support,
Adam
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man this pure juvenile humor helps take the edge off. at some point it seems to me you just gotta get over yourself and move the fuck on. i'm already pissed off at losing so much time that should have been productive if I had not turned into a junkie and now found myself in this utterly retarded situation. time to go get something done - sans the can of skoal that i "thought" was somehow making me more productive. seriously, the brain is amazing. it can literally justify its own freakin demise...even in the face of everything that tells it otherwise. no wonder people go postal every now then. we must all be hanging on the edge with fingernails.
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Day 10, the fog is lifting a little (for now, I'm sure) and I have a little bit of energy back.
But I got to tell ya'll that the best feeling in the entire world has been the last week and a half. I have not had to hide anything, find a reason to leave my family, or lie to them for any reason.
So, yes, the quit is tough but knowing that I'm doing right by my wife and son makes this suck more than worth it!
Thanks again for everyones support,
Adam
I said almost the exact same thing somewhere else this morning:
cmay1 wrote: It seems tough now, but I'm finding that my life is getting better and better the more accountable I become to myself and those around me, because I'm becoming a better person. I don't have to lie, hide, I'm not embarrassed and ashamed, and I don't feel guilty all the time. The loss of these things tend to brighten your day, even when you don't have a nicotine crutch.
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Day 17
Today I realized what a complete douchenozzle I was before I was quit!!!
My dad has been in the process of starting a new business and has been trying to get me to come work with him. Well, the work would be a lot of fun (in the aviation industry) and I would get to work with my dad (I would enjoy that) and I would make more money (always a good thing).
I was such a fucking retard that, because of dip, I was not sure about working with him. He thinks I quit years ago and I didn't want to disappoint him, so I never told him I was dipping.
We had lunch today and were talking about the plans for the company, I am really excited about what this could become and I am 100% in...now.
Somehow, that nasty shit that we all stuffed in our pie-holes had me convinced that it was better to keep chewing and not to work with my dad!
So anyways, today I realized, again, how good it is to be quit!!!
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Day 17
Today I realized what a complete douchenozzle I was before I was quit!!!
My dad has been in the process of starting a new business and has been trying to get me to come work with him. Well, the work would be a lot of fun (in the aviation industry) and I would get to work with my dad (I would enjoy that) and I would make more money (always a good thing).
I was such a fucking retard that, because of dip, I was not sure about working with him. He thinks I quit years ago and I didn't want to disappoint him, so I never told him I was dipping.
We had lunch today and were talking about the plans for the company, I am really excited about what this could become and I am 100% in...now.
Somehow, that nasty shit that we all stuffed in our pie-holes had me convinced that it was better to keep chewing and not to work with my dad!
So anyways, today I realized, again, how good it is to be quit!!!
Glad you realized what a dick you were lol...
I kinda know how you feel though I have been noticing things that I used to do that would be considered dickish. Awesome about the company start - you hiring? Lol
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So last night was the first night that I couldn't sleep. Tried to go to bed around 930 or so. Couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I was still awake at 230 in the morning 'bang head' I think I fell asleep for a little while... and then the alarm goes off and its 430... time to get up and go to work! 'help'
So I'm draggin ass today at work... but I'm still quit, so that's good news
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So last night was the first night that I couldn't sleep. Tried to go to bed around 930 or so. Couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I was still awake at 230 in the morning 'bang head' I think I fell asleep for a little while... and then the alarm goes off and its 430... time to get up and go to work! 'help'
So I'm draggin ass today at work... but I'm still quit, so that's good news
Take a sleep aid... I've been taking Equate Allergy medicine (wal-mart) and it has the same stuff as ambien or other name brands that help with sleeping. I just pop a pill 30 minutes before bed and then I am good to go for the night.
Dave
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So last night was the first night that I couldn't sleep. Tried to go to bed around 930 or so. Couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I was still awake at 230 in the morning 'bang head' I think I fell asleep for a little while... and then the alarm goes off and its 430... time to get up and go to work! 'help'
So I'm draggin ass today at work... but I'm still quit, so that's good news
Take a sleep aid... I've been taking Equate Allergy medicine (wal-mart) and it has the same stuff as ambien or other name brands that help with sleeping. I just pop a pill 30 minutes before bed and then I am good to go for the night.
Dave
I would have, but I didnt know I was going to have trouble and by the time I realized there was no hope, it was too late and a sleep aid would have made me sleep through my alarm... and that makes the boss mad...
I think I will hit the nyquil tonight!
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So last night was the first night that I couldn't sleep. Tried to go to bed around 930 or so. Couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I was still awake at 230 in the morning 'bang head' I think I fell asleep for a little while... and then the alarm goes off and its 430... time to get up and go to work! 'help'
So I'm draggin ass today at work... but I'm still quit, so that's good news
Take a sleep aid... I've been taking Equate Allergy medicine (wal-mart) and it has the same stuff as ambien or other name brands that help with sleeping. I just pop a pill 30 minutes before bed and then I am good to go for the night.
Dave
I would have, but I didnt know I was going to have trouble and by the time I realized there was no hope, it was too late and a sleep aid would have made me sleep through my alarm... and that makes the boss mad...
I think I will hit the nyquil tonight!
Nyquil or Tylenol PM. Both work nicely.
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Please say a prayer for a good man and a good cop who was killed in the line of duty last night!
Rest In Peace Chris, we will miss you buddy!
SAN DIEGO — A veteran San Diego police officer was mortally wounded in a gun battle Wednesday night that sparked a seven-hour SWAT standoff at a Skyline apartment and ended with the discovery of two bodies surrounded by firearms in a bedroom.
Officer Christopher A. Wilson, a 50-year-old father of two, was kept alive long enough at Scripps Mercy Hospital in Hillcrest for his family to say goodbye early Thursday.
Wilson, a patrol and field training officer, served his entire 17-year career in southeastern San Diego.
“He was popular, funny, extremely bright and a consummate professional,” said San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders, who choked back tears at a Thursday morning news conference. “It was routine for other officers to pay him the compliment by calling him ‘good cover.’ In other words, you always knew Officer Wilson had your back.”
Sanders, the cityÂ’s police chief from 1993 to 1999, said the tragedy is a reminder of the risks officers face daily.
“They perform acts of bravery literally every day,” he said. “Every day they go off to work, their families know there’s a chance they might never come home.”
Wilson is survived by a daughter, Kaylee, 20, and a son, Conner, 17.
Police Chief William Lansdowne said he kept Sanders apprised through the night about what was happening. He said he appreciated having a boss who knew the challenge he faced.
“What do you say to a family at 3 o’clock in the morning, to tell them your loved one is going to lose their life, and you have to take them to the hospital?” Lansdowne said. “You don’t have to say anything, because when you show up as chief of police in uniform, they know exactly what’s happened.”
The incident began at 10:35 p.m. Wednesday when U.S. marshals went to the Canyon View Apartments on South Meadowbrook Drive at Paradise Valley Road looking for a fugitive wanted for assault with a deadly weapon. The two marshals were accompanied by five county probation officers with the gang unit, who were doing a compliance check on a probationer who lives there, said Mack Jenkins, the countyÂ’s chief probation officer.
When the probation officers and marshals knocked on the door, the probationer opened it and then slammed it shut, said San Diego police Capt. Jim Collins. The officers kicked in the door and took him into custody.
San Diego police were called to help detain others believed to be still inside the two-bedroom apartment, including the fugitive who had run into the master bedroom, Collins said.
Six San Diego officers went inside, where someone opened fire on them from behind the closed bedroom door, hitting Wilson, Collins said. Three of the officers returned fire.
With the shooter still barricaded inside, Wilson was carried down a flight of stairs by three fellow officers. The rookie officer Wilson was training and a K-9 officer, along with his injured dog, were trapped in the unitÂ’s other bedroom.
Fearing they might be caught in the line of fire if they left through the door, they climbed out a window and down a ladder to safety. The canine officer carried his partner, Monty, on his shoulder.
The Belgian Malinois was shot in the snout, damaging its teeth and jaw, Lt. Andra Brown said. The dog underwent successful surgery, but it was unknown if he will be able to return to service.
Ryan Davis, who lives in a unit below where the shooting took place, said he had heard the officers yell, “Probation officers!” and call for someone to open the door. He heard gunshots later as more officers converged.
“It had to be at least six to 12 rounds. It sounded like one shotgun, then handguns,” Davis said.
Officers radioed for emergency help, bringing about 60 officers from agencies around the county.
SWAT officers took positions around the building and scores of residents were escorted away. Many of them — some in pajamas, some wrapped in blankets, and some barefoot — waited for hours in a parking lot across the street.
A few hours later, a man called 911 and said he and his girlfriend were hiding in a closet in the apartment; they both surrendered.
SWAT officers eventually used explosives to blow a hole through one of the apartment walls in order to use a camera to see inside. About 6:45 a.m., they found the bodies of a man and woman in the master bedroom.
Police do not yet know if they died in the gun battle or if the fatal wounds were self-inflicted. Several firearms were found near them.
The name of the fugitive believed to have been involved in the shootout has not been released, but friends and family identified him as Holim Lee, 30.
Lee’s family issued a statement Thursday from their Paradise Hills home: “We are horrified by the circumstances. Our family wants to give Officer Christopher Wilson’s family our deepest condolences. We are also mourning and we are so sorry this happened.”
Police did not release the names of the others in the apartment. But public records and social networking sites identified the probationer who surrendered as Alex Charfauros, 26. The woman who died was Lucky Xayasene.
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Please say a prayer for a good man and a good cop who was killed in the line of duty last night!
Rest In Peace Chris, we will miss you buddy!
SAN DIEGO — A veteran San Diego police officer was mortally wounded in a gun battle Wednesday night that sparked a seven-hour SWAT standoff at a Skyline apartment and ended with the discovery of two bodies surrounded by firearms in a bedroom.
Officer Christopher A. Wilson, a 50-year-old father of two, was kept alive long enough at Scripps Mercy Hospital in Hillcrest for his family to say goodbye early Thursday.
Wilson, a patrol and field training officer, served his entire 17-year career in southeastern San Diego.
“He was popular, funny, extremely bright and a consummate professional,” said San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders, who choked back tears at a Thursday morning news conference. “It was routine for other officers to pay him the compliment by calling him ‘good cover.’ In other words, you always knew Officer Wilson had your back.”
Sanders, the cityÂ’s police chief from 1993 to 1999, said the tragedy is a reminder of the risks officers face daily.
“They perform acts of bravery literally every day,” he said. “Every day they go off to work, their families know there’s a chance they might never come home.”
Wilson is survived by a daughter, Kaylee, 20, and a son, Conner, 17.
Police Chief William Lansdowne said he kept Sanders apprised through the night about what was happening. He said he appreciated having a boss who knew the challenge he faced.
“What do you say to a family at 3 o’clock in the morning, to tell them your loved one is going to lose their life, and you have to take them to the hospital?” Lansdowne said. “You don’t have to say anything, because when you show up as chief of police in uniform, they know exactly what’s happened.”
The incident began at 10:35 p.m. Wednesday when U.S. marshals went to the Canyon View Apartments on South Meadowbrook Drive at Paradise Valley Road looking for a fugitive wanted for assault with a deadly weapon. The two marshals were accompanied by five county probation officers with the gang unit, who were doing a compliance check on a probationer who lives there, said Mack Jenkins, the countyÂ’s chief probation officer.
When the probation officers and marshals knocked on the door, the probationer opened it and then slammed it shut, said San Diego police Capt. Jim Collins. The officers kicked in the door and took him into custody.
San Diego police were called to help detain others believed to be still inside the two-bedroom apartment, including the fugitive who had run into the master bedroom, Collins said.
Six San Diego officers went inside, where someone opened fire on them from behind the closed bedroom door, hitting Wilson, Collins said. Three of the officers returned fire.
With the shooter still barricaded inside, Wilson was carried down a flight of stairs by three fellow officers. The rookie officer Wilson was training and a K-9 officer, along with his injured dog, were trapped in the unitÂ’s other bedroom.
Fearing they might be caught in the line of fire if they left through the door, they climbed out a window and down a ladder to safety. The canine officer carried his partner, Monty, on his shoulder.
The Belgian Malinois was shot in the snout, damaging its teeth and jaw, Lt. Andra Brown said. The dog underwent successful surgery, but it was unknown if he will be able to return to service.
Ryan Davis, who lives in a unit below where the shooting took place, said he had heard the officers yell, “Probation officers!” and call for someone to open the door. He heard gunshots later as more officers converged.
“It had to be at least six to 12 rounds. It sounded like one shotgun, then handguns,” Davis said.
Officers radioed for emergency help, bringing about 60 officers from agencies around the county.
SWAT officers took positions around the building and scores of residents were escorted away. Many of them — some in pajamas, some wrapped in blankets, and some barefoot — waited for hours in a parking lot across the street.
A few hours later, a man called 911 and said he and his girlfriend were hiding in a closet in the apartment; they both surrendered.
SWAT officers eventually used explosives to blow a hole through one of the apartment walls in order to use a camera to see inside. About 6:45 a.m., they found the bodies of a man and woman in the master bedroom.
Police do not yet know if they died in the gun battle or if the fatal wounds were self-inflicted. Several firearms were found near them.
The name of the fugitive believed to have been involved in the shootout has not been released, but friends and family identified him as Holim Lee, 30.
Lee’s family issued a statement Thursday from their Paradise Hills home: “We are horrified by the circumstances. Our family wants to give Officer Christopher Wilson’s family our deepest condolences. We are also mourning and we are so sorry this happened.”
Police did not release the names of the others in the apartment. But public records and social networking sites identified the probationer who surrendered as Alex Charfauros, 26. The woman who died was Lucky Xayasene.
God Bless Officer Wilson! May his family and the SDPD be comforted during this time of grief!
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Please say a prayer for a good man and a good cop who was killed in the line of duty last night!
Rest In Peace Chris, we will miss you buddy!
SAN DIEGO — A veteran San Diego police officer was mortally wounded in a gun battle Wednesday night that sparked a seven-hour SWAT standoff at a Skyline apartment and ended with the discovery of two bodies surrounded by firearms in a bedroom.
Officer Christopher A. Wilson, a 50-year-old father of two, was kept alive long enough at Scripps Mercy Hospital in Hillcrest for his family to say goodbye early Thursday.
Wilson, a patrol and field training officer, served his entire 17-year career in southeastern San Diego.
“He was popular, funny, extremely bright and a consummate professional,” said San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders, who choked back tears at a Thursday morning news conference. “It was routine for other officers to pay him the compliment by calling him ‘good cover.’ In other words, you always knew Officer Wilson had your back.”
Sanders, the cityÂ’s police chief from 1993 to 1999, said the tragedy is a reminder of the risks officers face daily.
“They perform acts of bravery literally every day,” he said. “Every day they go off to work, their families know there’s a chance they might never come home.”
Wilson is survived by a daughter, Kaylee, 20, and a son, Conner, 17.
Police Chief William Lansdowne said he kept Sanders apprised through the night about what was happening. He said he appreciated having a boss who knew the challenge he faced.
“What do you say to a family at 3 o’clock in the morning, to tell them your loved one is going to lose their life, and you have to take them to the hospital?” Lansdowne said. “You don’t have to say anything, because when you show up as chief of police in uniform, they know exactly what’s happened.”
The incident began at 10:35 p.m. Wednesday when U.S. marshals went to the Canyon View Apartments on South Meadowbrook Drive at Paradise Valley Road looking for a fugitive wanted for assault with a deadly weapon. The two marshals were accompanied by five county probation officers with the gang unit, who were doing a compliance check on a probationer who lives there, said Mack Jenkins, the countyÂ’s chief probation officer.
When the probation officers and marshals knocked on the door, the probationer opened it and then slammed it shut, said San Diego police Capt. Jim Collins. The officers kicked in the door and took him into custody.
San Diego police were called to help detain others believed to be still inside the two-bedroom apartment, including the fugitive who had run into the master bedroom, Collins said.
Six San Diego officers went inside, where someone opened fire on them from behind the closed bedroom door, hitting Wilson, Collins said. Three of the officers returned fire.
With the shooter still barricaded inside, Wilson was carried down a flight of stairs by three fellow officers. The rookie officer Wilson was training and a K-9 officer, along with his injured dog, were trapped in the unitÂ’s other bedroom.
Fearing they might be caught in the line of fire if they left through the door, they climbed out a window and down a ladder to safety. The canine officer carried his partner, Monty, on his shoulder.
The Belgian Malinois was shot in the snout, damaging its teeth and jaw, Lt. Andra Brown said. The dog underwent successful surgery, but it was unknown if he will be able to return to service.
Ryan Davis, who lives in a unit below where the shooting took place, said he had heard the officers yell, “Probation officers!” and call for someone to open the door. He heard gunshots later as more officers converged.
“It had to be at least six to 12 rounds. It sounded like one shotgun, then handguns,” Davis said.
Officers radioed for emergency help, bringing about 60 officers from agencies around the county.
SWAT officers took positions around the building and scores of residents were escorted away. Many of them — some in pajamas, some wrapped in blankets, and some barefoot — waited for hours in a parking lot across the street.
A few hours later, a man called 911 and said he and his girlfriend were hiding in a closet in the apartment; they both surrendered.
SWAT officers eventually used explosives to blow a hole through one of the apartment walls in order to use a camera to see inside. About 6:45 a.m., they found the bodies of a man and woman in the master bedroom.
Police do not yet know if they died in the gun battle or if the fatal wounds were self-inflicted. Several firearms were found near them.
The name of the fugitive believed to have been involved in the shootout has not been released, but friends and family identified him as Holim Lee, 30.
Lee’s family issued a statement Thursday from their Paradise Hills home: “We are horrified by the circumstances. Our family wants to give Officer Christopher Wilson’s family our deepest condolences. We are also mourning and we are so sorry this happened.”
Police did not release the names of the others in the apartment. But public records and social networking sites identified the probationer who surrendered as Alex Charfauros, 26. The woman who died was Lucky Xayasene.
God Bless Officer Wilson! May his family and the SDPD be comforted during this time of grief!
My prayers go out for Chris's family and to all SDPD!