KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: HeathDux on March 16, 2015, 11:29:00 AM
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I knew this day was going to be extremely difficult. I have been dreading it for days. I have such a fear of the pure hell that i am embarking on. I had my last chew for the rest of my life last night at 8pm. I spit it out at 10pm, and right now i am locked in my office at work on the verge of either screaming at the top of my lungs or putting my office chairs through the walls or the window. The urge is so intense right now, and the depressed feeling that has already set in is ridiculous, but my 18 month old daughter has handed me my spit bottle for the last time. When she looks at you and says "Daddy" and smiles, all while holding your f-ing spit bottle because you are too much of a coward to go through a day without your crutch (chew can) and bff (spit bottle).
I apologize for the rant, but i am so pissed at myself for even allowing me to get to this point of being an addict to nicotine. I don't care how difficult the next few days are, there is no way in hell that I am going to put that shit in my mouth ever again.
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HeathDux,
Welcome to the club! You are making a wise decision. You know when it's time to do something and that time is now especially for your little one.
Gonna be hard at least the first 3 days, but it gets easier.
Join the June Goons and post roll.
KS
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I knew this day was going to be extremely difficult. I have been dreading it for days. I have such a fear of the pure hell that i am embarking on. I had my last chew for the rest of my life last night at 8pm. I spit it out at 10pm, and right now i am locked in my office at work on the verge of either screaming at the top of my lungs or putting my office chairs through the walls or the window. The urge is so intense right now, and the depressed feeling that has already set in is ridiculous, but my 18 month old daughter has handed me my spit bottle for the last time. When she looks at you and says "Daddy" and smiles, all while holding your f-ing spit bottle because you are too much of a coward to go through a day without your crutch (chew can) and bff (spit bottle).
I apologize for the rant, but i am so pissed at myself for even allowing me to get to this point of being an addict to nicotine. I don't care how difficult the next few days are, there is no way in hell that I am going to put that shit in my mouth ever again.
Here we GO!
Keep the dang door locked and stay on KTC.
Congrats and well said in your intro.
Remember.... Spend time quiting, sure it's a decision but it's work. Working hard on reading everything you can. Get numbers and keep posting here on your intro page.. Stay involved is the best injection that will help you quit.
Learn to post toll today.. Go to quit groups.. Find June 2015 at bottom of page. There will be a list in the thread and directions on posting roll.
Get it done, make a promise to other guys just like you that are also about ready to throw some chairs!
I'll throw some furniture with Ya!
EDD ODAAT.
Rawls
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Welcome, Heath! I know it's tough man. It's killer. But each and every one of us on here have been through it and IT GETS EASIER!! I love that anger you have toward the addiction! That will serve you well. Hate the nicotine with all of your being. That bitch put you in your current state. Kick her in the teeth!
You will conquer this. Post role early every day under June 2015. Let us Goons encourage you and hold you accountable. You can do the same for us.
Hang in there man. PM me your digits if you want a text buddy.
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The support I see on this site is amazing. It is exactly what i am going to need. I looks like it is a place to rant and vent also. I look forward to posting roll.
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Congrats on posting roll-- will be one of the best decisions you ever make.
Just think of all the bad decisions we have made in our lifetimes. Have you ever heard anyone say, "Dang, wish I wouldn't have quit smoking/chewing?"
You are gonna love the new Heath, but be patient. Post roll every single day, and as early as possible. Then honor your word. It's that simple.
I'm in your corner and will be quitting with you like a BAWSE the rest of the day.
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Today is my Day 1 as well. I am finally ready to give up this crap that has been a huge part of my life for the past 18 years. I am glad to have found a place where I can get the support from others who are going through it with me. I look forward to reaching Day 100 with you!
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Welcome to the June group!! Get yourself gum, candy, fake chew, seeds, jerky, whatever it takes to keep from putting that crap back in your lip. You will have all the support you want or need to make it thru this difficult step and beyond. Welcome again and I quit with you!!
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The support I see on this site is amazing. It is exactly what i am going to need. I looks like it is a place to rant and vent also. I look forward to posting roll.
Rant and vent all you want... Here. Keep it away from your family. We've heard it all and we can take it.
From the twisted side of things I wanna say... I hope it really does suck, man. I hope it sucks in a hellish fashion. When it does?... Be thankful for it and remember it! You never want to do this to yourself again. One and done bro... Own it and true freedom is yours.
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ANOTHER Quit Brother!
It was five years ago TODAY that I was in your shoes. Welcome!
You can do this! I am proof! If I can, you can!
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Cmon in we need you just like you need us, just like that little one you got needs you! Raise hell, vent, scream we've all been there! We're all addicts just like you! Take it one day at a time if it gets bad take a step back and breathe! Post roll EDD and promise us all no nic today!
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This day is taking forever. I was able to exercise during my lunch hour which helped. My urge to throw chairs is subsided :). I find myself being pissed off at myself for even starting this habit. And how selfish of me to put my health and my families well being in jeopardy. I truly deserve whatever suck I get for the next few days/weeks. The most interesting thing that i have discovered today, is that my number one concern has been "do i have chew" should i get chew"? How pathetic. While my family genuinely showed concern or did things for me, all i cared about was this dumb ass addiction.
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This day is taking forever. I was able to exercise during my lunch hour which helped. My urge to throw chairs is subsided :). I find myself being pissed off at myself for even starting this habit. And how selfish of me to put my health and my families well being in jeopardy. I truly deserve whatever suck I get for the next few days/weeks. The most interesting thing that i have discovered today, is that my number one concern has been "do i have chew" should i get chew"? How pathetic. While my family genuinely showed concern or did things for me, all i cared about was this dumb ass addiction.
Don't EVER forget how bad this sucks. Ever. You don't ever want to go through this shit again.
Having said that, this will pass, but not right away. It's going to keep sucking for a while. And then it won't.
Stay strong. Stay Quit. Stay close to this site. I already PM'd you. Don't hesitate to reach out.
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I would highly recommend checking out some of the fake stuff. I'm personally fond of the Smokey Mountain snuff. It definitely helped me get through the first few days. Glad to have you on board with the June goons. Reach out to us if you need anything or just want to vent.
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I appreciate the support. Bought myself some Smokey Mountain last night. That was a game changer. Still had urges, but took my family for a nice walk and just enjoyed spending time with them without looking for a spitter. Going to bed last night kind of got interesting, a little fidgety to say the least.
I do have to say, I woke up this morning feeling GREAT. Mouth feels good, no headache for the first time in months.
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Going to bed last night kind of got interesting, a little fidgety to say the least.
I do have to say, I woke up this morning feeling GREAT. Mouth feels good, no headache for the first time in months.
Good to hear that you are feeling GREAT today. That positive reinforcement will keep you going.
Sleep was tough to come by last night for me as well. I am usually asleep within 15 minutes of laying down. Last night was about an hour and a half. Kept having to tell netflix that I was still watching.
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Sleep was tough to come by last night for me as well. I am usually asleep within 15 minutes of laying down. Last night was about an hour and a half. Kept having to tell netflix that I was still watching.
I ended up sleeping on the couch last night so I wouldn't make my wife up.
How are you doing today?
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So today is Day 3. What a crazy fucking day. I am so focused, but the anger is mind boggling. I literally want to rip someones fucking face off. I have no patience for stupid today. I feel amazing, just so damn angry. I hope this shit passes soon. 9 more hours until this nic bitch is out of my system.
I do have to say thank you to everyone, I truly would have caved today, if it wouldn't have been for people on this thread. You are all great people!!!
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So today is Day 3. What a crazy fucking day. I am so focused, but the anger is mind boggling. I literally want to rip someones fucking face off. I have no patience for stupid today. I feel amazing, just so damn angry. I hope this shit passes soon. 9 more hours until this nic bitch is out of my system.
I do have to say thank you to everyone, I truly would have caved today, if it wouldn't have been for people on this thread. You are all great people!!!
Don't get discouraged, go to gym, walk, exercise stay away from dumb asses if at all possible. The rage and craves are gonna come and go just learn how to handle it, you don't want to take it out on family. Brother we all need help from time to time so don't hesitate to reach out! Damn proud to be quit with you today!
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My 72 hours has officially pasted. I feel excited and determined. I woke up this morning with my mind clear, I am so fucking proud to have made it these 72 hours. I never in my wildest dreams thought i would make it this far.
I know we have a long road to go yet, but I can honestly say that I don't need that nicotine. I don't care how bad these cravings get. My body isn't getting poisoned by me any longer. I want to live a healthy and long life. I want to be able to walk my kids down the aisle when they get married, and i want to hold my first grandchild, and I want to have all my teeth and my cheeks and my lips, an no more fucking chew can rings in my jeans. Man my wife is going to love that one.
Thank you everyone. You are a great group of people! I am so happy that i found you, and a special thanks to gargoose. He saved my quit yesterday just by texting me.
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I can see you're embracing the quit Heath. Such a great decision. You're going to have a lot of tough times and reaching out or reading anything and everything on KTC helps tremendously. After 66 days I still need to come to this site and read intros like yours to help me get over my craves. Keep up the good work and keep reading! Hit me up with a PM if you ever need support.
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Welcome to freedom. Fight like hell the keep it. I quit with you today.
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I appreciate the support. Bought myself some Smokey Mountain last night. That was a game changer. Still had urges, but took my family for a nice walk and just enjoyed spending time with them without looking for a spitter. Going to bed last night kind of got interesting, a little fidgety to say the least.
I do have to say, I woke up this morning feeling GREAT. Mouth feels good, no headache for the first time in months.
What all them ^^^^ bad ass quitters said x 100!
ODAAT and NAFAR, period
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Drove in a car for 4 hours yesterday and 4 more today. It was a tough ride. Chewing and driving was always my favorite. Went through half a can of Smokey Mountain. Atleast no nicotine.
The drive home is already proving to be difficult, and we havent even started driving yet. Urge to buy chew is strong as hell today. Just cannot do it. My family is so happy that I quit, there is no way i could ever let them down.
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Drove in a car for 4 hours yesterday and 4 more today. It was a tough ride. Chewing and driving was always my favorite. Went through half a can of Smokey Mountain. Atleast no nicotine.
The drive home is already proving to be difficult, and we havent even started driving yet. Urge to buy chew is strong as hell today. Just cannot do it. My family is so happy that I quit, there is no way i could ever let them down.
Look around you my friend! Family! All your brothers on here! There's nothing I do mean nothing worth giving up all the love and brotherhood for! So let's pick up our sac kick the bitch in the mouth stick nasty tasting smokey mountain in and get through another day brother! I'm with you today! Let's stay quit together! Will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow!
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Drove in a car for 4 hours yesterday and 4 more today. It was a tough ride. Chewing and driving was always my favorite. Went through half a can of Smokey Mountain. Atleast no nicotine.
The drive home is already proving to be difficult, and we havent even started driving yet. Urge to buy chew is strong as hell today. Just cannot do it. My family is so happy that I quit, there is no way i could ever let them down.
Look around you my friend! Family! All your brothers on here! There's nothing I do mean nothing worth giving up all the love and brotherhood for! So let's pick up our sac kick the bitch in the mouth stick nasty tasting smokey mountain in and get through another day brother! I'm with you today! Let's stay quit together! Will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow!
Left hand has your sac, right hand is full of crazy... So grab a water bottle and tie it around your neck!!
Every time your mind says you need Nic... Flush body with water...
I replaced crave with water...
Kinda like training bird dogs.. They act up..... Hit em with water.
Also better than coffee and or alcohol this early on.
Drown those negative thoughts with H2O!
Quit with you today.
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Drove in a car for 4 hours yesterday and 4 more today. It was a tough ride. Chewing and driving was always my favorite. Went through half a can of Smokey Mountain. Atleast no nicotine.
The drive home is already proving to be difficult, and we havent even started driving yet. Urge to buy chew is strong as hell today. Just cannot do it. My family is so happy that I quit, there is no way i could ever let them down.
It's crazy how your story brings back my memories of the days of suck. I never want to go through them 1st few days again and I'm sure you don't either! Embrace the suck! You got this! Proud to be quit with you today!
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Day 7. What a roller coaster ride this is. One minute all is good and the next all hell is breaking lose. The easy thing to do the last few days is to cave. I am sick of doing whats easy. Its time to man up, and start living by the rules i hold my kids to. No more is it going to be dont do as i do, do as i say. No more being a hypocrite. No caving allowed here. I dont think i could look my family in the face if i cave.
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Day 7. What a roller coaster ride this is. One minute all is good and the next all hell is breaking lose. The easy thing to do the last few days is to cave. I am sick of doing whats easy. Its time to man up, and start living by the rules i hold my kids to. No more is it going to be dont do as i do, do as i say. No more being a hypocrite. No caving allowed here. I dont think i could look my family in the face if i cave.
Better yet I hope it would make you sick to look at yourself if you cave! Your not caving! Caving is not an option so figure something else out! Life's to short let the nic bitch tell you how to live! Damn proud to be quit with you today my friend!
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Day 8. What a crazy roller coaster ride. The wierd thing is that I am starting to enjoy the ride. One day at a time for the rest of my life.
'Finger' Nicotine
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Day 8. What a crazy roller coaster ride. The wierd thing is that I am starting to enjoy the ride. One day at a time for the rest of my life.
'Finger' Nicotine
Day 8...right here with you. I'm not enjoying the ride at all. I need to get some sleep. I do, however, look forward to posting roll with the goonies EDD.
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Day 8...right here with you. I'm not enjoying the ride at all. I need to get some sleep. I do, however, look forward to posting roll with the goonies EDD.[/quote]Hang in there Siggy. I haven't had any issues with not sleeping, my issues are more rage related, but I am finding myself starting to laugh when i feel the anger come on. One thing to try is exercise. Whatever you can do, walk, run, anything. I keep moving so when i do need to go to bed, i can. Work out until your are exhausted, and then work out more. Remember what this feels like.
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Day 8...right here with you. I'm not enjoying the ride at all. I need to get some sleep. I do, however, look forward to posting roll with the goonies EDD.
Much better. a little computer illiterate there for a minute. Siggy, just one day at a time. The times that i have that are great, are so worth all of this. Even though they are small short glimpses, eventually the great times will outweigh the bad.
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Strong quit smell off in here.
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Day 10 - Sure for the first 6 days i had my times where i chewed a lot of candy, or sunflower seeds, and yes drove past a tobacco store twice deciding whether to go in or not. Every-time, I realized I was being weak, and I needed to man the fuck up, and get over this god damn addiction.
The last 4 days have been GLORIOUS, and AMAZING. I have never been happier in my life. I am noticing minuscule things that make me smile, and happy. I em enjoying conversations with people.
I have started to forget about chewing. I find myself feeling bored for the first time in 20 years. I honestly never felt boredom, as i would put a dip in and relax. Now I realize what being bored is all about. I do not like being bored, so from the time I get up to the time I need to get to bed, I am moving. Not because I have to, but because i want to.
I have also noticed and have been told by several people that I seem different. I have always kept to myself for the most part. You would have to hit me with a 2x4 to get me to say ouch, if i was around people I didn't like. Now, I don't shut up. I talk all the time. I am finding myself talking to myself even.
The fog, is non existent. Thankfully I didn't get that. My mind however is clearer than it has been in years. I am so focused all the time. When i say all the time, I mean all the time. It is like I am firing on all cylinders every minute of the day. Managing multiple projects at work has always been my job, but I am getting things done faster than I had in the past. I find myself going into the warehouse working just to cure the boredom.
My sleep is fabulous. I fall asleep within minutes of laying down. My anxiety is so minor at this point.
Don't get me wrong, My fuse is short, but it is easily restored. I came across an unopened can of Skoal Wintergreen Longcut yesterday. It didn't even bother me, I simply opened the can and flushed in down the toilet. Didn't even think twice about it. There is no way in hell that i will ever succumb to an addiction again.
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Day 10 - Sure for the first 6 days i had my times where i chewed a lot of candy, or sunflower seeds, and yes drove past a tobacco store twice deciding whether to go in or not. Every-time, I realized I was being weak, and I needed to man the fuck up, and get over this god damn addiction.
The last 4 days have been GLORIOUS, and AMAZING. I have never been happier in my life. I am noticing minuscule things that make me smile, and happy. I em enjoying conversations with people.
I have started to forget about chewing. I find myself feeling bored for the first time in 20 years. I honestly never felt boredom, as i would put a dip in and relax. Now I realize what being bored is all about. I do not like being bored, so from the time I get up to the time I need to get to bed, I am moving. Not because I have to, but because i want to.
I have also noticed and have been told by several people that I seem different. I have always kept to myself for the most part. You would have to hit me with a 2x4 to get me to say ouch, if i was around people I didn't like. Now, I don't shut up. I talk all the time. I am finding myself talking to myself even.
The fog, is non existent. Thankfully I didn't get that. My mind however is clearer than it has been in years. I am so focused all the time. When i say all the time, I mean all the time. It is like I am firing on all cylinders every minute of the day. Managing multiple projects at work has always been my job, but I am getting things done faster than I had in the past. I find myself going into the warehouse working just to cure the boredom.
My sleep is fabulous. I fall asleep within minutes of laying down. My anxiety is so minor at this point.
Don't get me wrong, My fuse is short, but it is easily restored. I came across an unopened can of Skoal Wintergreen Longcut yesterday. It didn't even bother me, I simply opened the can and flushed in down the toilet. Didn't even think twice about it. There is no way in hell that i will ever succumb to an addiction again.
Happy for you brother...you seem to have gotten the "rainbows and butterflies" quit. I wish mine was going half that good, but I can honestly say that it sucks less than last week. Right here @ 10 with you...see you at 100.
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Happy for you brother...you seem to have gotten the "rainbows and butterflies" quit. I wish mine was going half that good, but I can honestly say that it sucks less than last week. Right here @ 10 with you...see you at 100.[/quote]If i could pass this your way i would. I'm sure I will pay for it later. I will be here with you at 100.