KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: brinkhoffs52 on August 09, 2012, 08:16:00 AM
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Good Morning KTC Folks,
I have been looking at this site for several months on and off trying to prepare myself for the quit. I have tried numerous times in the past to quit, and would be successful for a week, maybe 2. I would fight the urges, I would fight the cravings, and get through them, and then finally I would get sick of fighting, or get weak from the fight and cave in. After all, one dip cant set me too far back right?. Then one led to the excuse for the next one, and in no time flat I was back on the dipping wagon.
This post today is to say no more. I look forward to not having to hide spitters, conceal cans, lie to my fiance, and worst off all lie to myself about pretending to quit.
I look forward to talking with you all, and hopefully as I get stronger, I look forward to helping others quit this despicable habit.
Thanks
-Dan
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Good Morning KTC Folks,
I have been looking at this site for several months on and off trying to prepare myself for the quit. I have tried numerous times in the past to quit, and would be successful for a week, maybe 2. I would fight the urges, I would fight the cravings, and get through them, and then finally I would get sick of fighting, or get weak from the fight and cave in. After all, one dip cant set me too far back right?. Then one led to the excuse for the next one, and in no time flat I was back on the dipping wagon.
This post today is to say no more. I look forward to not having to hide spitters, conceal cans, lie to my fiance, and worst off all lie to myself about pretending to quit.
I look forward to talking with you all, and hopefully as I get stronger, I look forward to helping others quit this despicable habit.
Thanks
-Dan
Good decision on kicking your nicotine habit to the curb. This site can help. There are no short cuts, but here are some links that will help you navigate this site. Rule number one, this is a no nicotine site, period, end of story.
Biggest thing to do is get acquainted with this site. Highly recommend you go here: WELCOME CENTER (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=13)
What to Expect When You Quit Dipping (http://www.killthecan.org/yourquit/what.asp)
Spousal Support (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spouse.asp)
This a a NO NICOTINE SITE, period, no discussion.
We "Post Roll Call" daily ( our promise to ourselves and to our brothers not to use nicotine today)- We DO THIS DAILY
Make posting roll the first step of your daily proactive quit.
Where to post roll call: PRE NOV HOF 2012 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=6793)
How to post roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=50)
Read, read, read: Read for knowledge, to fight a crave, combat a cave or sheer entertainment
Intros (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=25)
Hall of Fame Speeches (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=9)
Words of Wisdom (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=41)
Need to CHAT (http://chat.killthecan.org/)
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Good Morning KTC Folks,
I have been looking at this site for several months on and off trying to prepare myself for the quit. I have tried numerous times in the past to quit, and would be successful for a week, maybe 2. I would fight the urges, I would fight the cravings, and get through them, and then finally I would get sick of fighting, or get weak from the fight and cave in. After all, one dip cant set me too far back right?. Then one led to the excuse for the next one, and in no time flat I was back on the dipping wagon.
This post today is to say no more. I look forward to not having to hide spitters, conceal cans, lie to my fiance, and worst off all lie to myself about pretending to quit.
I look forward to talking with you all, and hopefully as I get stronger, I look forward to helping others quit this despicable habit.
Thanks
-Dan
Good decision on kicking your nicotine habit to the curb. This site can help. There are no short cuts, but here are some links that will help you navigate this site. Rule number one, this is a no nicotine site, period, end of story.
Biggest thing to do is get acquainted with this site. Highly recommend you go here: WELCOME CENTER (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=13)
What to Expect When You Quit Dipping (http://www.killthecan.org/yourquit/what.asp)
Spousal Support (http://www.killthecan.org/community/spouse.asp)
This a a NO NICOTINE SITE, period, no discussion.
We "Post Roll Call" daily ( our promise to ourselves and to our brothers not to use nicotine today)- We DO THIS DAILY
Make posting roll the first step of your daily proactive quit.
Where to post roll call: PRE NOV HOF 2012 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=6793)
How to post roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=50)
Read, read, read: Read for knowledge, to fight a crave, combat a cave or sheer entertainment
Intros (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=25)
Hall of Fame Speeches (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=9)
Words of Wisdom (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=41)
Need to CHAT (http://chat.killthecan.org/)
Welcome to the party Dan! Cbirds got you set up with some great links, make sure you take the time to read up on them. Honor your word and post roll daily. Develop a quit plan for yourself and stick to it. Its a bumpy ride at first but if you hang in there, the freedom is worth it!!
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This is not a habit. It is an addiction. You are addicted. So am I.
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This is not a habit. It is an addiction. You are addicted. So am I.
Yep. No reason to pretend that just because you're not in an alley with a needle in your arm that this is a habit.
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Thanks for the support so far.
I feel stupid for not having done this sooner, but not going to look back now.
Roll is posted, and I am in for the long, down and dirty haul.
-Dan
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Today is a another "day 1". I previously quit June/July of 2012. I got through the first hurdles. I was good to go... I made it through 6 months.... And then January hit... WOrk got real... I got weak... and started my subtle slide back down into the pit.... The lies, the concealing spitters, the hiding cans... Working in construction made it easy to do it at work, but that was just an excuse for my weakness...
I read my introduction to force myself to look in the mirror and figure out "what's changed?" why this time? Why won't the nic bitch take back over...
Is this time different? The answer is yes and no... It is the exact same as last time... I want to end the lies, and end the habit that controls me.... It is different in perhaps the most important way possible... I am wiser and no longer naieve enough to believe that I will ever be "cured". I will get to the HOF... I will get beyond the HOF... I will get to 2+ hofs (if that is even a term), but I will never be cured. I will always have to be vigilant of the evil nature that lurks when I get sloppy and succumb to the nicotine whore....
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Today is a another "day 1". I previously quit June/July of 2012. I got through the first hurdles. I was good to go... I made it through 6 months.... And then January hit... WOrk got real... I got weak... and started my subtle slide back down into the pit.... The lies, the concealing spitters, the hiding cans... Working in construction made it easy to do it at work, but that was just an excuse for my weakness...
I read my introduction to force myself to look in the mirror and figure out "what's changed?" why this time? Why won't the nic bitch take back over...
Is this time different? The answer is yes and no... It is the exact same as last time... I want to end the lies, and end the habit that controls me.... It is different in perhaps the most important way possible... I am wiser and no longer naieve enough to believe that I will ever be "cured". I will get to the HOF... I will get beyond the HOF... I will get to 2+ hofs (if that is even a term), but I will never be cured. I will always have to be vigilant of the evil nature that lurks when I get sloppy and succumb to the nicotine whore....
Well you only get one thread a mod can fix that for you. Just a quick look at your total posts and your join date YOUR plan had holes a shit ton of holes...
It still has holes we dont worry about 100 days from now we focus on today only...the rest dont matter. I think you should really try on the the 3 questions again....
What happened?
Why did it happen?
What are going to do differently next time?
Do some reading lots of it get involved this time be accountable. Brotherhood Accountabilty Success POST ROLL is how this place works.
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Today is a another "day 1". I previously quit June/July of 2012. I got through the first hurdles. I was good to go... I made it through 6 months.... And then January hit... WOrk got real... I got weak... and started my subtle slide back down into the pit.... The lies, the concealing spitters, the hiding cans... Working in construction made it easy to do it at work, but that was just an excuse for my weakness...Â
I read my introduction to force myself to look in the mirror and figure out "what's changed?" why this time? Why won't the nic bitch take back over...
Is this time different? The answer is yes and no... It is the exact same as last time... I want to end the lies, and end the habit that controls me.... It is different in perhaps the most important way possible... I am wiser and no longer naieve enough to believe that I will ever be "cured". I will get to the HOF... I will get beyond the HOF... I will get to 2+ hofs (if that is even a term), but I will never be cured. I will always have to be vigilant of the evil nature that lurks when I get sloppy and succumb to the nicotine whore....
Well you only get one thread a mod can fix that for you. Just a quick look at your total posts and your join date YOUR plan had holes a shit ton of holes...
It still has holes we dont worry about 100 days from now we focus on today only...the rest dont matter. I think you should really try on the the 3 questions again....
What happened?
Why did it happen?
What are going to do differently next time?
Do some reading lots of it get involved this time be accountable. Brotherhood Accountabilty Success POST ROLL is how this place works.
yes the big 3 needs to be answered, for the big fact that this is the learning that goes on.
And when you come to the responses for these, I would be Nov12 (your original group) would like to say hi, so post it in there as well.
One thing you may notice when you post is the reaction you get. If it is small, then you may not have been active enough in the Brotherhood that we promote here on the site. Meaning you did not make the neighbors, connections, friends that make this site the best way of quitting.
You say wiser and no longer naive, well now is the time to show that. Learn from what the site has to offer in all its directions, and put into use it all, so that you will remain quit.
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Thanks to the MOD for the fix....
What happened? I was stressed at work...Dealing with a new project, with a combative owner, and a sub par support team... I let myself rationalize that the key to managing my stress was just to succumb back to using nicotine...
Why it happened? The cave... I let myself believe that just one to take the edge of was ok... and then two... and then just a tin... next I knew I was back in the pit going through 2-3 cans a week.
What am I going to do differently? I will lean on my support network... I made the mistake of once I was past the initial hurdles (the physical withdraw), that I was in the clear and could tackle it solo. No man is an island... I am also making sure to ahve my "crutches" handy... seeds, tea bags, and am even getting some of that smokey mountain as an added weapon to my quite arsenal....
I am not delusional enough to think that this is going to be easy... BUt this habit is dead to me....
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Thanks to the MOD for the fix....
What happened? I was stressed at work...Dealing with a new project, with a combative owner, and a sub par support team... I let myself rationalize that the key to managing my stress was just to succumb back to using nicotine...
Why it happened? The cave... I let myself believe that just one to take the edge of was ok... and then two... and then just a tin... next I knew I was back in the pit going through 2-3 cans a week.
What am I going to do differently? I will lean on my support network... I made the mistake of once I was past the initial hurdles (the physical withdraw), that I was in the clear and could tackle it solo. No man is an island... I am also making sure to ahve my "crutches" handy... seeds, tea bags, and am even getting some of that smokey mountain as an added weapon to my quite arsenal....
I am not delusional enough to think that this is going to be easy... BUt this habit is dead to me....
oh just a note, the Habit is puting anything in your mouth. The Addiction is putting nicotene in your body.
Big Difference.
BTW - even after a year I still have a little stash of trident gum and candy I carry with me everywhere, for that just in case.
you can do this.
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I merged your two intros and your lastest post isn't that promising.
Think long and hard about if you WANT to quit. Cut the crap about "work got real". Everyday I want to physically stab my boss multiple times in the throat and then throw him out of a window. With 16,000 quitters here I doubt I'm the only one that feels that way. Yet, he still walks and breathes and I am still quit because I choose to be today. I posted roll and my word is all I have.
Why am I still here today? Because I am still an addict and still crave constantly. Being here is a constant reminder of my desire to remain quit.
Oh, and reaching the HOF once before doesn't mean much. You failed. You learned nothing. Shit "got real" and you caved. Home Depot is having a sale on balls; see about getting a set.
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Thanks to the MOD for the fix....
What happened? I was stressed at work...Dealing with a new project, with a combative owner, and a sub par support team... I let myself rationalize that the key to managing my stress was just to succumb back to using nicotine...
Why it happened? The cave... I let myself believe that just one to take the edge of was ok... and then two... and then just a tin... next I knew I was back in the pit going through 2-3 cans a week.
What am I going to do differently? I will lean on my support network... I made the mistake of once I was past the initial hurdles (the physical withdraw), that I was in the clear and could tackle it solo. No man is an island... I am also making sure to ahve my "crutches" handy... seeds, tea bags, and am even getting some of that smokey mountain as an added weapon to my quite arsenal....
I am not delusional enough to think that this is going to be easy... BUt this habit is dead to me....
oh just a note, the Habit is puting anything in your mouth. The Addiction is putting nicotene in your body.
Big Difference.
BTW - even after a year I still have a little stash of trident gum and candy I carry with me everywhere, for that just in case.
you can do this.
Glad you are quit. As far as leaning on your support group this time, one way to do that is to be involved in this site. Keep updating your intro, get in chat , PM people, get numbers, share yours, text, call whatever.. Just get involved. PM me if you want another number for accountability.
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Thanks to the MOD for the fix....
What happened? I was stressed at work...Dealing with a new project, with a combative owner, and a sub par support team... I let myself rationalize that the key to managing my stress was just to succumb back to using nicotine...
Why it happened? The cave... I let myself believe that just one to take the edge of was ok... and then two... and then just a tin... next I knew I was back in the pit going through 2-3 cans a week.
What am I going to do differently? I will lean on my support network... I made the mistake of once I was past the initial hurdles (the physical withdraw), that I was in the clear and could tackle it solo. No man is an island... I am also making sure to ahve my "crutches" handy... seeds, tea bags, and am even getting some of that smokey mountain as an added weapon to my quite arsenal....
I am not delusional enough to think that this is going to be easy... BUt this habit is dead to me....
oh just a note, the Habit is puting anything in your mouth. The Addiction is putting nicotene in your body.
Big Difference.
BTW - even after a year I still have a little stash of trident gum and candy I carry with me everywhere, for that just in case.
you can do this.
Glad you are quit. As far as leaning on your support group this time, one way to do that is to be involved in this site. Keep updating your intro, get in chat , PM people, get numbers, share yours, text, call whatever.. Just get involved. PM me if you want another number for accountability.
I am right there with everyone else; PM me and I will freely give you my digits for support.
As stated previously get yourself an emergency stash of whatever works for you. I have several stashes just incase; hell I even have some in my bug out bag.
Evil, what isle are the balls in at HD? I remember looking there once before; perhaps my looking in plumbing was the wrong area.
Brinkhoffs remember we are here and all of us are into this shit together. There are few motivational speakers in here but plenty of assholes to point out every flaw you might have. Your word is your bond on here.
QUIT THIS TIME, don't stop.
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Day 4....
As I have been reading over everyone's intro's I noticed a trend that I think is pretty awesome.... Chronicling their quit. It can serve as a record of their ups and their downs. More importantly I think that it is an excellent outlet that last time I did not take full advantage. Yes, that's right... Last time. I am one of those "fucking re-treads" that was on the wagon and then fell off. And instead of running like hell to catch back up and hop back on, I let the wagon drift off into the sunset as I slipped back into my ninja habits. Except this time I was far less ninja (except around my fiance/wife with whom I was the ultimate ninja).
Working in construction, even as a project manager, dipping is so ubiquitous that it is just "part of the industry". Even those that don't dip take no exception to it only because "everyone does it". But that is one of the most flawed pieces of logic as a reason that dipping is ok... right up there with the whole "if everyone jumped off a bridge" school of thought. But that was my rationalization, as flawed as it may be.
So there I was, back in the habit, going through 2-3 tins a week...Then the best thing in the world happened. I got lazy with my ninja ways. I left a tin in my car, and my wife found it (three actually). World War III erupted on that drive, and rightfully so. And during that discussion it dawned on me how selfish I had been. It quickly became evident just how much of a jack ass I was, that everytime I put a lip in, I was betraying the love and trust of my wife. That is not acceptable.
Many of the articles/posts on this site talk about quitting for yourself, and not for others, as you may resent them during the hard times. This quit is about me, but it is also about my wife and our marriage, and our future. I want that future to have all of my teeth, be void of deceit and lies, and full of trust and honesty.
So here I sit in my 4th day with out the nic bitch in my life...The physical strangle hold of her ways have subsided ( I think?) and now we are getting into the mind games. I feel a little foggy. Focusing at work is tough. So many times when I had to "crank out work" I would drop in a fat lip and feel so clear headed that I would breeze through it. Now I just feel foggy and like I can't think or focus. I know it is only the mind games....the nic bitch mistress trying to get her strangle hold on my life back in place....I refuse to let it happen, and today I will be victorious. I have posted my roll, I have given my word, and today my word will be kept. And then tomorrow we will start it over again.... One day stronger and one day further away from the last time I let that poison affect me.
-Dan (aka Brink)
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Day 4....
As I have been reading over everyone's intro's I noticed a trend that I think is pretty awesome.... Chronicling their quit. It can serve as a record of their ups and their downs. More importantly I think that it is an excellent outlet that last time I did not take full advantage. Yes, that's right... Last time. I am one of those "fucking re-treads" that was on the wagon and then fell off. And instead of running like hell to catch back up and hop back on, I let the wagon drift off into the sunset as I slipped back into my ninja habits. Except this time I was far less ninja (except around my fiance/wife with whom I was the ultimate ninja).
Working in construction, even as a project manager, dipping is so ubiquitous that it is just "part of the industry". Even those that don't dip take no exception to it only because "everyone does it". But that is one of the most flawed pieces of logic as a reason that dipping is ok... right up there with the whole "if everyone jumped off a bridge" school of thought. But that was my rationalization, as flawed as it may be.
So there I was, back in the habit, going through 2-3 tins a week...Then the best thing in the world happened. I got lazy with my ninja ways. I left a tin in my car, and my wife found it (three actually). World War III erupted on that drive, and rightfully so. And during that discussion it dawned on me how selfish I had been. It quickly became evident just how much of a jack ass I was, that everytime I put a lip in, I was betraying the love and trust of my wife. That is not acceptable.
Many of the articles/posts on this site talk about quitting for yourself, and not for others, as you may resent them during the hard times. This quit is about me, but it is also about my wife and our marriage, and our future. I want that future to have all of my teeth, be void of deceit and lies, and full of trust and honesty.
So here I sit in my 4th day with out the nic bitch in my life...The physical strangle hold of her ways have subsided ( I think?) and now we are getting into the mind games. I feel a little foggy. Focusing at work is tough. So many times when I had to "crank out work" I would drop in a fat lip and feel so clear headed that I would breeze through it. Now I just feel foggy and like I can't think or focus. I know it is only the mind games....the nic bitch mistress trying to get her strangle hold on my life back in place....I refuse to let it happen, and today I will be victorious. I have posted my roll, I have given my word, and today my word will be kept. And then tomorrow we will start it over again.... One day stronger and one day further away from the last time I let that poison affect me.
-Dan (aka Brink)
I'm liking this post. Now that you are back in the suck, I hope you savor it and understand why you don't want or need to repeat it again. Buck up, you probably have a few more days of fog and some rages coming up soon.
In the meantime, build your quit up. Don't just post roll and run. Increase your knowledge and accountability, it will help.
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Day 5...
Today I am gearing up for the weekend without the nic bitch. I noticed a major change in the way I was thinking about the weekend. Since I was ninja around my wife, each weekend I would RELISH the time that she spent away from the house, or that I spent away from her so that I could "cheat" on her and finger that nasty little can... How pathetic is that... I would rather spend time away from my beautiful wife just so I can enjoy a poisoned weed on the inside of my lip....
Ladies and Gentlemen, that thought pattern is the mind of an addict. Guess what? I am still an addict today, and I will still be tomorrow. But I am battling through the suck right now because I refuse to let that poison course through my body again. The hardest part hasn't been the physical side for me, but rather the mental side. I feel stressed. Like a white hot burning ball of stress in my gut, that one fat lip would always extinguish... That was how she called to me, with her soothing mint flavor, she would remove my stress, when in reality, all she did was mask it temporarily until I had to go back to her. She solved nothing, and only strengthened her deadly grip.
The battle rages on... But for another day, I will be dip free, until tomorrow, when I make the choice again to STAY QUIT!
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Day 5...
Today I am gearing up for the weekend without the nic bitch. I noticed a major change in the way I was thinking about the weekend. Since I was ninja around my wife, each weekend I would RELISH the time that she spent away from the house, or that I spent away from her so that I could "cheat" on her and finger that nasty little can... How pathetic is that... I would rather spend time away from my beautiful wife just so I can enjoy a poisoned weed on the inside of my lip....
Ladies and Gentlemen, that thought pattern is the mind of an addict. Guess what? I am still an addict today, and I will still be tomorrow. But I am battling through the suck right now because I refuse to let that poison course through my body again. The hardest part hasn't been the physical side for me, but rather the mental side. I feel stressed. Like a white hot burning ball of stress in my gut, that one fat lip would always extinguish... That was how she called to me, with her soothing mint flavor, she would remove my stress, when in reality, all she did was mask it temporarily until I had to go back to her. She solved nothing, and only strengthened her deadly grip.
The battle rages on... But for another day, I will be dip free, until tomorrow, when I make the choice again to STAY QUIT!
You got it right bro. One day at a time. Don't ever give the nic bitch an inch because she will take a mile. Then your jaw, tongue and your life. I quit with you any day man.
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Day 7...
So I struggled through the weekend. I succeeded in staying quit, but it was not easy. The fog has rolled in, and rolled in thick. I was edgy and agitated all weekend, and bordering on depressed. It was a weird mixed bag of emotions. I hated it. I constantly had a tightness in my gut, and this feeling that I was suppressing a beast that wanted to just destroy everything. More than once the thought crossed my mind that I could "fix my problem" with one cheek full of the good stuff. Fortunately, I know better. I know that the poison will cut my life short. I know that I am no special butterfly and I must resist temptation. I know that I must CHOOSE to stay quit.
It's crazy to think that I can feel depressed over taking a life shortening, disfiguring, poisoned weed out of my life, but I do. I need to find more outlets for my anxiety. Luckily I was busy building a fire pit this weekend and finishing some other home renovations, but this is a double edge sword, as doing home improvement work was one of the times I took the most satisfaction from having a dip in. To me, something felt so "right" about having a giant chew while using table saws and mitre saws to build something from raw material. I know this logic is flawed, as there is nothing "right" about putting poison in your mouth. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss that feeling of having in a real lip. The fake stuff, the tea bags, and the seeds sort of satiate the desire, but not entirely. So I must remain ever vigilant. The nic bitch lurks around every corner, waiting to pull me back down into her darkness. She will lose. For today, I make another choice to stay quit. I do not quit forever, but I quit for today. Until tomorrow, when I make the choice again...
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Day 7...
So I struggled through the weekend. I succeeded in staying quit, but it was not easy. The fog has rolled in, and rolled in thick. I was edgy and agitated all weekend, and bordering on depressed. It was a weird mixed bag of emotions. I hated it. I constantly had a tightness in my gut, and this feeling that I was suppressing a beast that wanted to just destroy everything. More than once the thought crossed my mind that I could "fix my problem" with one cheek full of the good stuff. Fortunately, I know better. I know that the poison will cut my life short. I know that I am no special butterfly and I must resist temptation. I know that I must CHOOSE to stay quit.
It's crazy to think that I can feel depressed over taking a life shortening, disfiguring, poisoned weed out of my life, but I do. I need to find more outlets for my anxiety. Luckily I was busy building a fire pit this weekend and finishing some other home renovations, but this is a double edge sword, as doing home improvement work was one of the times I took the most satisfaction from having a dip in. To me, something felt so "right" about having a giant chew while using table saws and mitre saws to build something from raw material. I know this logic is flawed, as there is nothing "right" about putting poison in your mouth. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss that feeling of having in a real lip. The fake stuff, the tea bags, and the seeds sort of satiate the desire, but not entirely. So I must remain ever vigilant. The nic bitch lurks around every corner, waiting to pull me back down into her darkness. She will lose. For today, I make another choice to stay quit. I do not quit forever, but I quit for today. Until tomorrow, when I make the choice again...
First of all congrats on making it a week! Big accomplishment.
You will have a wide range of emotions, it is normal, you need to do a little reading about nicotine and big tobacco. There are numerous articles on the internet or I have a ton of information on my intro page.
Spend some time reading about our little drug of choice and the sick, twisted people that make/sell it and you will begin to understand why you feel the way you do.
Congrats again on the week, keep posting your promise each morning!!
STAY QUIT
Greg
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Day 7...
So I struggled through the weekend. I succeeded in staying quit, but it was not easy. The fog has rolled in, and rolled in thick. I was edgy and agitated all weekend, and bordering on depressed. It was a weird mixed bag of emotions. I hated it. I constantly had a tightness in my gut, and this feeling that I was suppressing a beast that wanted to just destroy everything. More than once the thought crossed my mind that I could "fix my problem" with one cheek full of the good stuff. Fortunately, I know better. I know that the poison will cut my life short. I know that I am no special butterfly and I must resist temptation. I know that I must CHOOSE to stay quit.
It's crazy to think that I can feel depressed over taking a life shortening, disfiguring, poisoned weed out of my life, but I do. I need to find more outlets for my anxiety. Luckily I was busy building a fire pit this weekend and finishing some other home renovations, but this is a double edge sword, as doing home improvement work was one of the times I took the most satisfaction from having a dip in. To me, something felt so "right" about having a giant chew while using table saws and mitre saws to build something from raw material. I know this logic is flawed, as there is nothing "right" about putting poison in your mouth. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss that feeling of having in a real lip. The fake stuff, the tea bags, and the seeds sort of satiate the desire, but not entirely. So I must remain ever vigilant. The nic bitch lurks around every corner, waiting to pull me back down into her darkness. She will lose. For today, I make another choice to stay quit. I do not quit forever, but I quit for today. Until tomorrow, when I make the choice again...
Good post, I think most addicts have the same discussion with themselves. You have the right attitude and understanding. I would recommend reading more about nicotine addiction and addiction in general. My quit got much easier when I absolutely knew a dip wasn't going to help me do anything, that all those fond memories were nothing but lies I told myself to keep pushing that crap in my pie hole. The only thing nicotine actually does for you (besides keep you regular) is lessen the withdraw symptoms it causes. The rest we all made up to justify our continued use... You do not mow the lawn better, or concentrate better with dip, you have just convinced yourself that you do.... Lose that and quit gets much simplier...
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Day 7...
So I struggled through the weekend. I succeeded in staying quit, but it was not easy. The fog has rolled in, and rolled in thick. I was edgy and agitated all weekend, and bordering on depressed. It was a weird mixed bag of emotions. I hated it. I constantly had a tightness in my gut, and this feeling that I was suppressing a beast that wanted to just destroy everything. More than once the thought crossed my mind that I could "fix my problem" with one cheek full of the good stuff. Fortunately, I know better. I know that the poison will cut my life short. I know that I am no special butterfly and I must resist temptation. I know that I must CHOOSE to stay quit.
It's crazy to think that I can feel depressed over taking a life shortening, disfiguring, poisoned weed out of my life, but I do. I need to find more outlets for my anxiety. Luckily I was busy building a fire pit this weekend and finishing some other home renovations, but this is a double edge sword, as doing home improvement work was one of the times I took the most satisfaction from having a dip in. To me, something felt so "right" about having a giant chew while using table saws and mitre saws to build something from raw material. I know this logic is flawed, as there is nothing "right" about putting poison in your mouth. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss that feeling of having in a real lip. The fake stuff, the tea bags, and the seeds sort of satiate the desire, but not entirely. So I must remain ever vigilant. The nic bitch lurks around every corner, waiting to pull me back down into her darkness. She will lose. For today, I make another choice to stay quit. I do not quit forever, but I quit for today. Until tomorrow, when I make the choice again...
Good post, I think most addicts have the same discussion with themselves. You have the right attitude and understanding. I would recommend reading more about nicotine addiction and addiction in general. My quit got much easier when I absolutely knew a dip wasn't going to help me do anything, that all those fond memories were nothing but lies I told myself to keep pushing that crap in my pie hole. The only thing nicotine actually does for you (besides keep you regular) is lessen the withdraw symptoms it causes. The rest we all made up to justify our continued use... You do not mow the lawn better, or concentrate better with dip, you have just convinced yourself that you do.... Lose that and quit gets much simplier...
You got it! Understanding this battle is half the battle itself! Good news! Each time you fight through a trigger you rewire you brains pathways to see that situation in a new way! Every time you do anything that used to make you want to chew, and do not chew, it loses some of its power over you! It does get easier! We cannot crawl under a rock and hide. As you live each day you retrain your brain to cope in new ways. Someday using a saw will not make you think about chew.... Someday... Good job this weekend. And Keep adding these thoughts to your thread. They are a good reference for you.
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Day 7 (again)
STOP!! No I did not cave. I just realized that I write this in the AM, so they are really reflections on the previous day, hence the repeated day number.
Yesterday was one of the least productive days at work. Part of it was me using my time in the live chat and trolling the KTC forums to find more kool-aide and drink it in, so while not technically productive by work standards, it was productive for my life, so I can live with that. The rest of the day was just this hazy fucking fog. It was almost a total apathy. I did get in 9 holes of golf after work, which is normally a massive trigger, but managed to play ok, and stayed off the shit. Of course it helped I didn't have anything other than my smokey mtn, so I did slam through that. THe fog lifted later in the day on the drive home, which was nice. Im hoping that the fog will lessen, but I know it will be a mix of the good and the bad days.
My biggest fear is still to come. I was off the shit for a few months, had one lip, stayed off for several more months, and then fell head long back into it. Even if you look at my history, there have always been LONG gaps (months, even years) with no dip, but I always went back to the nic bitch. I know that defeats the whole "one day at a time" motto, but I can;t help but face my own reality,
I stayed quit on Day 7. I have posted and will remain quit on day 8. I know I must remain prepared at all times... The battle rages on...
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Day 7 (again)
STOP!! No I did not cave. I just realized that I write this in the AM, so they are really reflections on the previous day, hence the repeated day number.
Yesterday was one of the least productive days at work. Part of it was me using my time in the live chat and trolling the KTC forums to find more kool-aide and drink it in, so while not technically productive by work standards, it was productive for my life, so I can live with that. The rest of the day was just this hazy fucking fog. It was almost a total apathy. I did get in 9 holes of golf after work, which is normally a massive trigger, but managed to play ok, and stayed off the shit. Of course it helped I didn't have anything other than my smokey mtn, so I did slam through that. THe fog lifted later in the day on the drive home, which was nice. Im hoping that the fog will lessen, but I know it will be a mix of the good and the bad days.
My biggest fear is still to come. I was off the shit for a few months, had one lip, stayed off for several more months, and then fell head long back into it. Even if you look at my history, there have always been LONG gaps (months, even years) with no dip, but I always went back to the nic bitch. I know that defeats the whole "one day at a time" motto, but I can;t help but face my own reality,
I stayed quit on Day 7. I have posted and will remain quit on day 8. I know I must remain prepared at all times... The battle rages on...
The past is gone, over, done. You never quit, you stropped for breaks. Difference is now you are quit. Start building a hate for what has kept you in bondage. Read my signature line.
Post roll every damn day and keep your promise. One day at a time. Never again for Any reason. Breath it, Smell it and live it.
You can keep your word for a day right??
Say it with Me. I hate the poison!!!
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Day 7 (again)
STOP!! No I did not cave. I just realized that I write this in the AM, so they are really reflections on the previous day, hence the repeated day number.Â
Yesterday was one of the least productive days at work. Part of it was me using my time in the live chat and trolling the KTC forums to find more kool-aide and drink it in, so while not technically productive by work standards, it was productive for my life, so I can live with that. The rest of the day was just this hazy fucking fog. It was almost a total apathy. I did get in 9 holes of golf after work, which is normally a massive trigger, but managed to play ok, and stayed off the shit. Of course it helped I didn't have anything other than my smokey mtn, so I did slam through that. THe fog lifted later in the day on the drive home, which was nice. Im hoping that the fog will lessen, but I know it will be a mix of the good and the bad days.
My biggest fear is still to come. I was off the shit for a few months, had one lip, stayed off for several more months, and then fell head long back into it. Even if you look at my history, there have always been LONG gaps (months, even years) with no dip, but I always went back to the nic bitch. I know that defeats the whole "one day at a time" motto, but I can;t help but face my own reality,
I stayed quit on Day 7. I have posted and will remain quit on day 8. I know I must remain prepared at all times... The battle rages on...
The past is gone, over, done. You never quit, you stropped for breaks. Difference is now you are quit. Start building a hate for what has kept you in bondage. Read my signature line.
Post roll every damn day and keep your promise. One day at a time. Never again for Any reason. Breath it, Smell it and live it.
You can keep your word for a day right??
Say it with Me. I hate the poison!!!
Your number 1 priority is staying quit. I don't think I did anything at work for the first 14 days... just enough to look like I was there doing something I think. That is just the way it is... focusing your efforts on quitting now is too important. Don't over think what your not getting done at work - rather, over think how great u are doing staying away from the poison weed! U can power thru this. Stay quit brother!
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Day 7 (again)
STOP!! No I did not cave. I just realized that I write this in the AM, so they are really reflections on the previous day, hence the repeated day number.Â
Yesterday was one of the least productive days at work. Part of it was me using my time in the live chat and trolling the KTC forums to find more kool-aide and drink it in, so while not technically productive by work standards, it was productive for my life, so I can live with that. The rest of the day was just this hazy fucking fog. It was almost a total apathy. I did get in 9 holes of golf after work, which is normally a massive trigger, but managed to play ok, and stayed off the shit. Of course it helped I didn't have anything other than my smokey mtn, so I did slam through that. THe fog lifted later in the day on the drive home, which was nice. Im hoping that the fog will lessen, but I know it will be a mix of the good and the bad days.
My biggest fear is still to come. I was off the shit for a few months, had one lip, stayed off for several more months, and then fell head long back into it. Even if you look at my history, there have always been LONG gaps (months, even years) with no dip, but I always went back to the nic bitch. I know that defeats the whole "one day at a time" motto, but I can;t help but face my own reality,
I stayed quit on Day 7. I have posted and will remain quit on day 8. I know I must remain prepared at all times... The battle rages on...
The past is gone, over, done. You never quit, you stropped for breaks. Difference is now you are quit. Start building a hate for what has kept you in bondage. Read my signature line.
Post roll every damn day and keep your promise. One day at a time. Never again for Any reason. Breath it, Smell it and live it.
You can keep your word for a day right??
Say it with Me. I hate the poison!!!
Your number 1 priority is staying quit. I don't think I did anything at work for the first 14 days... just enough to look like I was there doing something I think. That is just the way it is... focusing your efforts on quitting now is too important. Don't over think what your not getting done at work - rather, over think how great u are doing staying away from the poison weed! U can power thru this. Stay quit brother!
Brinkhoffs,
Remember this time you are QUIT previously you stopped. Once we are both QUIT we will celebrate by taking in a Bears game or a Sox game together. Then we can wear our KTC roman collars and preach of the way of QUIT to all of those who are what we were.
I QUIT WITH YOU TODAY! KEEP UP THE QUIT!
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Day 8...
What a cluster of a day... At least I was able to play some hockey to help take the edge off. I found myself day dreaming about all the ways I could go back to Ninja style and no one would know the difference. Except I would. I would have to look at my face in the mirror and not only try to deal with the lies, but realize the fact that parts of it would go missing. Would I be ok missing part of my jaw, or would they just take the whole thing? I refuse to to do that to myself, I refuse to do that to those who care about me. The nic bitch is making her sweet serenades to draw me back, but I am stronger than her. I am QUIT.
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Day 8...
What a cluster of a day... At least I was able to play some hockey to help take the edge off. I found myself day dreaming about all the ways I could go back to Ninja style and no one would know the difference. Except I would. I would have to look at my face in the mirror and not only try to deal with the lies, but realize the fact that parts of it would go missing. Would I be ok missing part of my jaw, or would they just take the whole thing? I refuse to to do that to myself, I refuse to do that to those who care about me. The nic bitch is making her sweet serenades to draw me back, but I am stronger than her. I am QUIT.
way to be strong. It is exactly that thought process that will serve you well.
and don't forget us here. When you get those 'itches' get on here, post it up. text it to us.
We are in this together. And together we can all win.
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Day 8...
What a cluster of a day... At least I was able to play some hockey to help take the edge off. I found myself day dreaming about all the ways I could go back to Ninja style and no one would know the difference. Except I would. I would have to look at my face in the mirror and not only try to deal with the lies, but realize the fact that parts of it would go missing. Would I be ok missing part of my jaw, or would they just take the whole thing? I refuse to to do that to myself, I refuse to do that to those who care about me. The nic bitch is making her sweet serenades to draw me back, but I am stronger than her. I am QUIT.
way to be strong. It is exactly that thought process that will serve you well.
and don't forget us here. When you get those 'itches' get on here, post it up. text it to us.
We are in this together. And together we can all win.
Great attitude Brink. Yes, she is going to keep coming at you. But you now are developing tools to help you chose to stay quit. You are understanding addiction, you get it is always a choice to feed the addiction or not. And as Sir Derek said, start taking a look at other tools. How many phone numbers of other quitters do you have? Do you have a plan? Do you continue to increase your accountability?
You are doing great, keep being a kick ass quitter!
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Day 9...
One day shy of the double digits... Spent some good time dicking around in the chat room. Another newbie dropped in starting day 1, and it felt good to give some positive words to a guy embarking on his mission of quit. The bigger picture is starting to clear up a little bit for me through the fog. Show up, post roll, honor your word is the bare minimum, but there is so much more beyond that if you just let yourself succumb to the QUIT, and embrace all facets. Pay it forward to those that are standing at the cliff looking over getting ready to plunge head long into the kool-aide ocean below. Pay it backward to the guys the laid the path so you can be free of the poison yourself.
I did have a humbling conversation with my wife last night. She is still amped up over the whole "you lied to my face" thing that came along with the discovery of the fact that I had only stopped for a short time the last time I said I would quit. I get it, believe me. I tried to explain the whole addiction side of it, and it was falling on deaf ears, but something interesting did come of the conversation. As I was trying to explain it, it made no sense even to me. "I was stressed, so I put poison in my mouth"; "I couldn't concentrate, so I added chemicals that I know cause cancer into my system"... I didn't phrase it like that to her but that was the translation in my own head. The stupidity of it all spilling forth for me to hear... It was an enlightening conversation.
I didn't quite feel foggy yesterday, but I wasn't crystal clear either... I sort of just "was"... Regardless of whatever I was... the important is that I AM QUIT.
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Day 9...
One day shy of the double digits... Spent some good time dicking around in the chat room. Another newbie dropped in starting day 1, and it felt good to give some positive words to a guy embarking on his mission of quit. The bigger picture is starting to clear up a little bit for me through the fog. Show up, post roll, honor your word is the bare minimum, but there is so much more beyond that if you just let yourself succumb to the QUIT, and embrace all facets. Pay it forward to those that are standing at the cliff looking over getting ready to plunge head long into the kool-aide ocean below. Pay it backward to the guys the laid the path so you can be free of the poison yourself.
I did have a humbling conversation with my wife last night. She is still amped up over the whole "you lied to my face" thing that came along with the discovery of the fact that I had only stopped for a short time the last time I said I would quit. I get it, believe me. I tried to explain the whole addiction side of it, and it was falling on deaf ears, but something interesting did come of the conversation. As I was trying to explain it, it made no sense even to me. "I was stressed, so I put poison in my mouth"; "I couldn't concentrate, so I added chemicals that I know cause cancer into my system"... I didn't phrase it like that to her but that was the translation in my own head. The stupidity of it all spilling forth for me to hear... It was an enlightening conversation.
I didn't quite feel foggy yesterday, but I wasn't crystal clear either... I sort of just "was"... Regardless of whatever I was... the important is that I AM QUIT.
The best part and what sounds like the bigger learned part is your quit and have the right mind set to stay that way!
Your resolve, which is what you talked about last night is one of the best tools to be quit stay quit! Continue to build your resolve QUIT on Quiter!
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Day 9...
One day shy of the double digits... Spent some good time dicking around in the chat room. Another newbie dropped in starting day 1, and it felt good to give some positive words to a guy embarking on his mission of quit. The bigger picture is starting to clear up a little bit for me through the fog. Show up, post roll, honor your word is the bare minimum, but there is so much more beyond that if you just let yourself succumb to the QUIT, and embrace all facets. Pay it forward to those that are standing at the cliff looking over getting ready to plunge head long into the kool-aide ocean below. Pay it backward to the guys the laid the path so you can be free of the poison yourself.
I did have a humbling conversation with my wife last night. She is still amped up over the whole "you lied to my face" thing that came along with the discovery of the fact that I had only stopped for a short time the last time I said I would quit. I get it, believe me. I tried to explain the whole addiction side of it, and it was falling on deaf ears, but something interesting did come of the conversation. As I was trying to explain it, it made no sense even to me. "I was stressed, so I put poison in my mouth"; "I couldn't concentrate, so I added chemicals that I know cause cancer into my system"... I didn't phrase it like that to her but that was the translation in my own head. The stupidity of it all spilling forth for me to hear... It was an enlightening conversation.
I didn't quite feel foggy yesterday, but I wasn't crystal clear either... I sort of just "was"... Regardless of whatever I was... the important is that I AM QUIT.
Brother your doing great. 9 days is big. That's 9 days you haven't wasted you're hard earned money on a filthy disgusting habit that caused you to lie to the ones you love. You're wife does have good reason to not trust you.
In time she will see the new you and began trusting you again. Just keep pressing forward and stacking them days. Quit with you..
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Day 9...
One day shy of the double digits... Spent some good time dicking around in the chat room. Another newbie dropped in starting day 1, and it felt good to give some positive words to a guy embarking on his mission of quit. The bigger picture is starting to clear up a little bit for me through the fog. Show up, post roll, honor your word is the bare minimum, but there is so much more beyond that if you just let yourself succumb to the QUIT, and embrace all facets. Pay it forward to those that are standing at the cliff looking over getting ready to plunge head long into the kool-aide ocean below. Pay it backward to the guys the laid the path so you can be free of the poison yourself.
I did have a humbling conversation with my wife last night. She is still amped up over the whole "you lied to my face" thing that came along with the discovery of the fact that I had only stopped for a short time the last time I said I would quit. I get it, believe me. I tried to explain the whole addiction side of it, and it was falling on deaf ears, but something interesting did come of the conversation. As I was trying to explain it, it made no sense even to me. "I was stressed, so I put poison in my mouth"; "I couldn't concentrate, so I added chemicals that I know cause cancer into my system"... I didn't phrase it like that to her but that was the translation in my own head. The stupidity of it all spilling forth for me to hear... It was an enlightening conversation.
I didn't quite feel foggy yesterday, but I wasn't crystal clear either... I sort of just "was"... Regardless of whatever I was... the important is that I AM QUIT.
Brink way to embrace your QUIT. I will quit with you every day brother.
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Day 10...
Two words... HOLY SHIT!!!! So the day in general wasn't too bad, until I got to softball. Several of the guys on my team dip... Fortunately I was prepared with my Smokey mountain, so I was able to pop one in and quell the desire. The first part of the "holy shit" were the mind games that started in my head... "Who here cares, I can bum just one lip..." "No one on KTC would know" "My wife would be clueless"... This than extrapolated into the full blown idea of "I have these tins marked tobacco free, but I could easily swap shit and no one would be wiser." The nic bitch was bringing down the full blow mind game hammer. But once I popped the the SM in, gave myself a minute to breathe and to think, I realized the insanity of my thoughts. The reality, and the most important part perhaps, is that I would know. I would have to lie to myself again, and my wife, and my newly formed brotherhood. I am better than that.
The second part of the "HOLY SHIT" was my dreams last night. When I was buying ice for the beer for my softball game, I stopped in a 7-11. Needless to say a rack of the lip shit was behind the cashier. The thought crossed my mind for but a brief second, but quit was strong. The odd part was they had these little E-cigs right next to the cashier. I grabbed one, looked at it out of shear curiosity, and then put it back, paid and went on my way. Last night I dreamt that I smoked about 20 of those little shits. I woke up damned near panicked that I had given in. Not a cool feeling. Even in my dream I knew it was wrong, but I kept at them one after the other....Talk about a subconscious mindfuck all night.
Other than that, it seems like I am on an upswing at the moment. These days are good. As someone on here said, I need to hid these like a squirrel with his nuts for the days that get low... But just one savory taste of the "good life" is enough strengthen my quit and help with continued success. I can't wait until the good feelings of today are the majority. I know that day will come. But until then, I take this ODAAT.
Quit strong my brothers...
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Day 10...
Two words... HOLY SHIT!!!! So the day in general wasn't too bad, until I got to softball. Several of the guys on my team dip... Fortunately I was prepared with my Smokey mountain, so I was able to pop one in and quell the desire. The first part of the "holy shit" were the mind games that started in my head... "Who here cares, I can bum just one lip..." "No one on KTC would know" "My wife would be clueless"... This than extrapolated into the full blown idea of "I have these tins marked tobacco free, but I could easily swap shit and no one would be wiser." The nic bitch was bringing down the full blow mind game hammer. But once I popped the the SM in, gave myself a minute to breathe and to think, I realized the insanity of my thoughts. The reality, and the most important part perhaps, is that I would know. I would have to lie to myself again, and my wife, and my newly formed brotherhood. I am better than that.
The second part of the "HOLY SHIT" was my dreams last night. When I was buying ice for the beer for my softball game, I stopped in a 7-11. Needless to say a rack of the lip shit was behind the cashier. The thought crossed my mind for but a brief second, but quit was strong. The odd part was they had these little E-cigs right next to the cashier. I grabbed one, looked at it out of shear curiosity, and then put it back, paid and went on my way. Last night I dreamt that I smoked about 20 of those little shits. I woke up damned near panicked that I had given in. Not a cool feeling. Even in my dream I knew it was wrong, but I kept at them one after the other....Talk about a subconscious mindfuck all night.
Other than that, it seems like I am on an upswing at the moment. These days are good. As someone on here said, I need to hid these like a squirrel with his nuts for the days that get low... But just one savory taste of the "good life" is enough strengthen my quit and help with continued success. I can't wait until the good feelings of today are the majority. I know that day will come. But until then, I take this ODAAT.
Quit strong my brothers...
Brink way to be strong; she was trying to fuck you...remember when you were younger and chasing tail and would stop at almost nothing...that is what the Nic Bitch is trying to do. Way to keep on the QUIT chastity belt!
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Day 10...
Two words... HOLY SHIT!!!! So the day in general wasn't too bad, until I got to softball. Several of the guys on my team dip... Fortunately I was prepared with my Smokey mountain, so I was able to pop one in and quell the desire. The first part of the "holy shit" were the mind games that started in my head... "Who here cares, I can bum just one lip..." "No one on KTC would know" "My wife would be clueless"... This than extrapolated into the full blown idea of "I have these tins marked tobacco free, but I could easily swap shit and no one would be wiser." The nic bitch was bringing down the full blow mind game hammer. But once I popped the the SM in, gave myself a minute to breathe and to think, I realized the insanity of my thoughts. The reality, and the most important part perhaps, is that I would know. I would have to lie to myself again, and my wife, and my newly formed brotherhood. I am better than that.
The second part of the "HOLY SHIT" was my dreams last night. When I was buying ice for the beer for my softball game, I stopped in a 7-11. Needless to say a rack of the lip shit was behind the cashier. The thought crossed my mind for but a brief second, but quit was strong. The odd part was they had these little E-cigs right next to the cashier. I grabbed one, looked at it out of shear curiosity, and then put it back, paid and went on my way. Last night I dreamt that I smoked about 20 of those little shits. I woke up damned near panicked that I had given in. Not a cool feeling. Even in my dream I knew it was wrong, but I kept at them one after the other....Talk about a subconscious mindfuck all night.
Other than that, it seems like I am on an upswing at the moment. These days are good. As someone on here said, I need to hid these like a squirrel with his nuts for the days that get low... But just one savory taste of the "good life" is enough strengthen my quit and help with continued success. I can't wait until the good feelings of today are the majority. I know that day will come. But until then, I take this ODAAT.Â
Quit strong my brothers...
Brink way to be strong; she was trying to fuck you...remember when you were younger and chasing tail and would stop at almost nothing...that is what the Nic Bitch is trying to do. Way to keep on the QUIT chastity belt!
Day 10 is great brother. I know things are tough every day right now. Your in the worst part of the fight. My worst days of quitting were weeks 2, 3 and even 4. I couldn't get wanting a mouth full of poison out of my mind. When ever I would get around others that chewed it made it even more difficult, but I continued posting roll and keeping my word. I believed that better days were coming. I believed that what I was hearing from my ktc brothers was the truth. I just had to continue adding 1's and things would get better.
Believe me a day will come when your around other chewers you will feel sorry for them. You will not want to participate in their slavery trade for anything.
Hope for those better days, believe they are coming. Things will get better, thats my promise.
Another train of thought I took early on that made things easier was if things don't improve I don't care. I'm never putting that poison in my pie hole, no matter what, never ever again for any reason. No matter how bad things get I QLF.
Also, if you haven't start learning your enemy in every way you can, do so. The more facts you learn and put in your thinker the easier the battle is. Learning your enemy makes things a lot easier. I got nothing better to do so i'm going to continue quitting with you today.
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Day 12 and 13....
I tried to sit down and write this yesterday afternoon, but couldn't get enough uninterrupted focus, so naturally I just waited to do it at work... haha.
All kidding aside, this weekend was a GIANT bagged of mixed emotions. A lot of "high" time. It was one of my good friends from college getting married so there were a TON of us back together from school. Fortunately, no one was a big tobacco user, but there were a fair share cigarettes around. I resisted temptation. We were having a great time dancing and drinking, and celebrating. It actually felt kind of nice not having to step away from the action. I would never dip here, but cigarettes are another story. Fortunately, I was able to stray strong. Sent a few texts out, and even got one hell of an awesome phone call from DaBean22, talk about a fucking bad ass quitter. That was definitely a humbling experience. It was a saturday night, and he felt compelled to take time and step away from his evening to give me a quick shout and make sure I was doing ok. Hell to the fucking yea!
There was also big chunks of low time. Most notably Sunday on the long drive home and Sunday afternoon/evening around the house. "Funky" doesn't even begin to describe it. This consistent agitation. There was a complete and total mental "fuck this all" mindset. I was able to keep my composure around my wife, but I just felt hollow inside, as if I was just going through the motions, and I wasn't even sure what those motions were. I was out running errands, and it would have been so simple to swing by a C Store and grab a tin of the shit. It would get me nowhere except into the grave faster. I'm not ok with that, but the little whisper in my mind tried to persuade me other wise. Maybe there is even some misplaced anger rolling around in there... Anger at myself for starting in the first place, anger at my roommate for offering me that first lip, anger at those other people along the way that offered me other "first lips", anger at myself for accepting.
I was reading some intros, and saw some good perspective on the quits.... I used nicotine in some form for close to nine years on and off... that's more than 3,000 days... I would be foolish to think that 14 days would make me normal. At least I know that I am moving in the right direction... I jsut gotta keep racking up those +1s. I will make it through today... I will be quit today...
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I used nicotine in some form for close to nine years on and off... that's more than 3,000 days... I would be foolish to think that 14 days would make me normal.
Good job Brink, you are doing it!
I do want to challenge your statement about normal. What is normal for an addict? I chewed my entire adult life, never was without nicotine. So my new normal was something totally foreign to me that I had never done before. And there is no "cure" at a certain date of quit. We are addicts for life. The difference is with 550 days of quit in the rearview mirror, I know I am in charge of my quit and I am not going to fail...
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Brink,
I have to say your text to me this weekend kept me QUIT; keep it up and know that when we help ourselves; we help each other.
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Day 12 and 13....
I tried to sit down and write this yesterday afternoon, but couldn't get enough uninterrupted focus, so naturally I just waited to do it at work... haha.
All kidding aside, this weekend was a GIANT bagged of mixed emotions. A lot of "high" time. It was one of my good friends from college getting married so there were a TON of us back together from school. Fortunately, no one was a big tobacco user, but there were a fair share cigarettes around. I resisted temptation. We were having a great time dancing and drinking, and celebrating. It actually felt kind of nice not having to step away from the action. I would never dip here, but cigarettes are another story. Fortunately, I was able to stray strong. Sent a few texts out, and even got one hell of an awesome phone call from DaBean22, talk about a fucking bad ass quitter. That was definitely a humbling experience. It was a saturday night, and he felt compelled to take time and step away from his evening to give me a quick shout and make sure I was doing ok. Hell to the fucking yea!
There was also big chunks of low time. Most notably Sunday on the long drive home and Sunday afternoon/evening around the house. "Funky" doesn't even begin to describe it. This consistent agitation. There was a complete and total mental "fuck this all" mindset. I was able to keep my composure around my wife, but I just felt hollow inside, as if I was just going through the motions, and I wasn't even sure what those motions were. I was out running errands, and it would have been so simple to swing by a C Store and grab a tin of the shit. It would get me nowhere except into the grave faster. I'm not ok with that, but the little whisper in my mind tried to persuade me other wise. Maybe there is even some misplaced anger rolling around in there... Anger at myself for starting in the first place, anger at my roommate for offering me that first lip, anger at those other people along the way that offered me other "first lips", anger at myself for accepting.
I was reading some intros, and saw some good perspective on the quits.... I used nicotine in some form for close to nine years on and off... that's more than 3,000 days... I would be foolish to think that 14 days would make me normal. At least I know that I am moving in the right direction... I jsut gotta keep racking up those +1s. I will make it through today... I will be quit today...
Brother, that phone call meant as much to me as it did to you. I hope others realize that one of the best crave busters is to take the time to find someone else to help. I have craves all the time but am never at risk of caving because i am quit. That being said, when I have a craving, I hop on here and give someone else encouragement, bust their balls or get involved in some other way.
I quit for life. I jumped out of the plane and never looked back. All of November needs to do the same. NO BUNGIE JUMPERS HERE!
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The last week or so...
Has been a few days since i have updated my "blog" here. So here it goes: Been doing a little bit better. Craves are further between and a little more manageable. I still go through the fake stuff, but even that has been waning. I bought 12 cans at the outset of my quit. At my typical rate, I should have maybe 4 left... I have 8... Which is good. Even though I still draw some enjoyment out of the habit, and it helps me quell any craves, as I load a lip of SM, i realize the insanity of what I am doing...
My mood has been improving, and I find myself being a little less irritable, which is good. For the first time since I quit, yesterday I actually had a moment of peace in my head. Mind wasn;t racing, gut didnt feel tied in knots... it was a nice change of pace. I look forward to more moments like that. The nic bitch whispers softer know, but is still there. I know the focus is ALWAYS today. But there is a small part of me that wishes I could just be "cured". I know there is no cure. I must always remain vigilant and ready for a battle, be it the marching of troops I see coming a mile away, or a sneaky little ambush when I least expect it.
My boss the other day noticed I had quit dipping the real shit, and kind of laughed. Wanted to take his tin and shove it down his fucking throat when he doubted my resolve. But alas, my quit grew a little stronger. There is no turning back, only moving forward, and every day I make promise that "forward" will have no nicotine.
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The last week or so...
Has been a few days since i have updated my "blog" here. So here it goes: Been doing a little bit better. Craves are further between and a little more manageable. I still go through the fake stuff, but even that has been waning. I bought 12 cans at the outset of my quit. At my typical rate, I should have maybe 4 left... I have 8... Which is good. Even though I still draw some enjoyment out of the habit, and it helps me quell any craves, as I load a lip of SM, i realize the insanity of what I am doing...
My mood has been improving, and I find myself being a little less irritable, which is good. For the first time since I quit, yesterday I actually had a moment of peace in my head. Mind wasn;t racing, gut didnt feel tied in knots... it was a nice change of pace. I look forward to more moments like that. The nic bitch whispers softer know, but is still there. I know the focus is ALWAYS today. But there is a small part of me that wishes I could just be "cured". I know there is no cure. I must always remain vigilant and ready for a battle, be it the marching of troops I see coming a mile away, or a sneaky little ambush when I least expect it.
My boss the other day noticed I had quit dipping the real shit, and kind of laughed. Wanted to take his tin and shove it down his fucking throat when he doubted my resolve. But alas, my quit grew a little stronger. There is no turning back, only moving forward, and every day I make promise that "forward" will have no nicotine.
Some folks don't have the balls to quit.
You have great big 'ol quit balls.
Slaves to the nic bitch have tiny, dainty little scared balls....you don't want your quit balls to shrivel so let them grow with each passing day!
Posting roll every day ensures proper nutrition for your quit balls.
You rock Sir!
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Day 18-20...
These past days there have been some major assaults on my quit. The biggest one was by far this Saturday. We had an annual summer bash at one of my friends homes. Big Crab feast, volleyball, beer and just generally a rocking good time. I was on the court playing volleyball pretty much the entire time. The physical activity felt great and nicotine was the furthest thing from my mind. Actually felt, dare I say it, "normal"?. Then it got dark. The game ended. The drinking didn't. There I was with several people around smoking.
I seem to always end up around smokers (oddly enough, very few dippers). To compound the situation, earlier in the day I had gotten EXTREMELY riled up by my wife. Another story, for perhaps another day, as it is rather long winded, and the ultimate resolution was favorable, but it was not without some extreme and intense stress/emotion. That said, my resolve was in a slightly weakened position. Had this situation happened two weeks ago, either one of those situations could have been my demise, but both together, would have CERTAINLY been my demise. But nearly 3 weeks in, I had just enough resolve to remain strong. I battled the nic bitch away. It was a grueling battle, but victory was sweet.
Lately, there has been quite a lot of different emotions. I'm also getting into a dangerous point (for me) in my own quit. This is about the time last year that I made a bad decision, that ultimately led to my "quit" becoming just another hiatus... I thought I was "cured"... I thought I was a :scowick: Smart move right? DOH!!! 'bang head' 'bang head' I am obviously no special butterfly... My cave didnt happen for another several months yet, but losing touch here was the point that I can trace that slow, inevitable decline to...
I am still more anxious that not most days; the tight gut, racing mind. I know that 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems. The whispers are getting stronger from the nicotine whore... but I must stay strong...
Rambling done...
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Sounds like you are digging in your ktc mental toolbag in the tough situations. Perfect. Don't forget the rest of your tools. Call or text any of us you traded numbers with. Or, get on chat, or just post while the craving is hitting.
Keep close attention on your own mind to make sure the arguments aren't the nic bitch making you irritable and attempting to put you in situations where she can grab a foothold.
You have got this.
Glad to be quit with you.
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Day 22...
I still feel like I am walking a tight rope... One un-expected shake, one light gust, and it will all come tumbling down... I guess we are always going to be on a tight rope walk. Just have to get a little bit further each day. Maybe it is my project at work driving me nuts. Feels like it is spiraling, which was the impetus for my last failed quit. Feels like I am on an island on my project. Just frustrating as hell. I am not going to let it get to me. Sometimes I will just google images of "oral cancer" and that helps strengthen my resolve. I want to keep my face, my jaw, my tongue...
Today is not an easy day....
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Day 22...
I still feel like I am walking a tight rope... One un-expected shake, one light gust, and it will all come tumbling down... I guess we are always going to be on a tight rope walk. Just have to get a little bit further each day. Maybe it is my project at work driving me nuts. Feels like it is spiraling, which was the impetus for my last failed quit. Feels like I am on an island on my project. Just frustrating as hell. I am not going to let it get to me. Sometimes I will just google images of "oral cancer" and that helps strengthen my resolve. I want to keep my face, my jaw, my tongue...
Today is not an easy day....
Hang in there Brink, you have this.
Go work out and then drink 3 gallons of water. If that doesn't work, repeat the entire process until it does.
I worked out so hard and often during my first 3 weeks that I couldn't hardly think of anything, much less Cope...
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Day 22...
I still feel like I am walking a tight rope... One un-expected shake, one light gust, and it will all come tumbling down... I guess we are always going to be on a tight rope walk. Just have to get a little bit further each day. Maybe it is my project at work driving me nuts. Feels like it is spiraling, which was the impetus for my last failed quit. Feels like I am on an island on my project. Just frustrating as hell. I am not going to let it get to me. Sometimes I will just google images of "oral cancer" and that helps strengthen my resolve. I want to keep my face, my jaw, my tongue...
Today is not an easy day....
Hang in there Brink, you have this.
Go work out and then drink 3 gallons of water. If that doesn't work, repeat the entire process until it does.
I worked out so hard and often during my first 3 weeks that I couldn't hardly think of anything, much less Cope...
Brother... Those days truly suck. Right now is battle mode. You fight this - you power through this. This is where we take our quit down to smaller increments and get through. And get through you will! Each time you experience these harder days and get through them you are laying that ever stronger quit foundation. This is embracing that SUCK! You never want to see this side of the equation again. Rock your quit man... I'm with you.
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Day 22...
I still feel like I am walking a tight rope... One un-expected shake, one light gust, and it will all come tumbling down... I guess we are always going to be on a tight rope walk. Just have to get a little bit further each day. Maybe it is my project at work driving me nuts. Feels like it is spiraling, which was the impetus for my last failed quit. Feels like I am on an island on my project. Just frustrating as hell. I am not going to let it get to me. Sometimes I will just google images of "oral cancer" and that helps strengthen my resolve. I want to keep my face, my jaw, my tongue...
Today is not an easy day....
Hang in there Brink, you have this.
Go work out and then drink 3 gallons of water. If that doesn't work, repeat the entire process until it does.
I worked out so hard and often during my first 3 weeks that I couldn't hardly think of anything, much less Cope...
Brother... Those days truly suck. Right now is battle mode. You fight this - you power through this. This is where we take our quit down to smaller increments and get through. And get through you will! Each time you experience these harder days and get through them you are laying that ever stronger quit foundation. This is embracing that SUCK! You never want to see this side of the equation again. Rock your quit man... I'm with you.
You got this, Brink. On a day like today, it may help to know that it really does get better, and soon. I'm on day 54 - not far off from you - and it's already WAY better. Sure I have plenty more rough patches to come, but they will be fewer and farther between.
Sounds like you are working on a group project at work. I know there's nothing worse. The only thing I learned from group work in college is that it doesn't work, one or two people end up doing everything.
Hang in there man. You've got this. I promise nicotine will not help. Imagine coming here and telling us you caved. Imagine wasting what has been a damn hard 22 days of strength.
You want to quit. You choose to quit. You are succeeding. I'm proud of you today and I quit with you.
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Day 22...
I still feel like I am walking a tight rope... One un-expected shake, one light gust, and it will all come tumbling down... I guess we are always going to be on a tight rope walk. Just have to get a little bit further each day. Maybe it is my project at work driving me nuts. Feels like it is spiraling, which was the impetus for my last failed quit. Feels like I am on an island on my project. Just frustrating as hell. I am not going to let it get to me. Sometimes I will just google images of "oral cancer" and that helps strengthen my resolve. I want to keep my face, my jaw, my tongue...
Today is not an easy day....
Hang in there Brink, you have this.
Go work out and then drink 3 gallons of water. If that doesn't work, repeat the entire process until it does.
I worked out so hard and often during my first 3 weeks that I couldn't hardly think of anything, much less Cope...
Remember that you are in the mind games now. Your mind is being reprogrammed from the years of abuse. I can tell you this... The world is not crumbling around you. You will not fall over at the end of the day because of this. I can tell you this with certainty... NIC won't be able to finish your project for you, or help you in any way. That is all BS. Of course, you know this or you would not be quit!
Here is what you should be thinking... I have battled to stay quit for 22 days and I am nicotine free. I am QLF today! I am no longer a slave to a can of poison. I am owning this quit and owning the path I am walking right now. I can stay quit today. I will knock down any crave today because that is how I roll!
You got this! Stay focused on your quit! Battle to stay quit today!!! Quit with you!
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Day 28...
At some point in the last two days or so, someone slipped me a giant dose of "just don;t give a fuck". I could not give a flying fuck about work. I am so over extended at work, I keep having to tell myself "dip will not get you back on track". I spend more time each day focusing on that, than doing actual work. I was driving to work this AM and it took every ounce of energy to not swing by any one of 4 or 5 C-stores and by an entire fucking log of this lip shit. I spend so much time and energy focusing on not dipping, I just keep getting behind at work. I have no support from our main office whatsoever.
We also got a dog this weekend, and he is the cutest thing in the world. Except for the fact that he was a puppy mill resuce, so he pretty much is scared to death of any human. My wife and I are fostering him for the rescue organization, and wanted SO much to help him. We still want to help the little guy, but he is so timid/scared. It's not the end of the world, but it is just one more stressor on my life.
Ok, enough of my self-pity rant... None of these problems compare to the problem I was facing every day, taking myself one step closer to major medical bills and permanent dis-figuration. Not one of those is any even remotely worth "excuse" to pack a lip of cancer dirt in my mouth. There are no excuses....
ODAAT... NAFAR...
Brink...
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Day 28...
At some point in the last two days or so, someone slipped me a giant dose of "just don;t give a fuck". I could not give a flying fuck about work. I am so over extended at work, I keep having to tell myself "dip will not get you back on track". I spend more time each day focusing on that, than doing actual work. I was driving to work this AM and it took every ounce of energy to not swing by any one of 4 or 5 C-stores and by an entire fucking log of this lip shit. I spend so much time and energy focusing on not dipping, I just keep getting behind at work. I have no support from our main office whatsoever.
We also got a dog this weekend, and he is the cutest thing in the world. Except for the fact that he was a puppy mill resuce, so he pretty much is scared to death of any human. My wife and I are fostering him for the rescue organization, and wanted SO much to help him. We still want to help the little guy, but he is so timid/scared. It's not the end of the world, but it is just one more stressor on my life.
Ok, enough of my self-pity rant... None of these problems compare to the problem I was facing every day, taking myself one step closer to major medical bills and permanent dis-figuration. Not one of those is any even remotely worth "excuse" to pack a lip of cancer dirt in my mouth. There are no excuses....
ODAAT... NAFAR...
Brink...
Hey brink, if you stop at the store just grab some seeds or jerky or trident or whatever else won't kill you. The oral part is easily manageable while the rest is just a mindfuck that will eventually become less and less of a thing. Rising above our addiction means we acknowledge it will always be a thing, make the daily promise and decide to do whatever it takes to not screw it up. Life happens whether we poison ourselves and rob our families of time and money or not. Today, we're free thanks to ktc.
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Stay strong today Brink! I know the feeling of falling behind at work, being less productive, just getting by the best you can. Just didn't think it'd be 4 weeks in still...
I just feel bad you get no support at all. Today I'm thankful that if things pile up that greatly I do have all the support I could ask for at my work. I also hope that without knowing your workplace, that you're your own worst critic too that some of the falling behind is just perception rather than reality, I know that's true for me.
Enjoy your new dog! I wish I could make one fit into my life. ODAAT
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Day 28...
At some point in the last two days or so, someone slipped me a giant dose of "just don;t give a fuck". I could not give a flying fuck about work. I am so over extended at work, I keep having to tell myself "dip will not get you back on track". I spend more time each day focusing on that, than doing actual work. I was driving to work this AM and it took every ounce of energy to not swing by any one of 4 or 5 C-stores and by an entire fucking log of this lip shit. I spend so much time and energy focusing on not dipping, I just keep getting behind at work. I have no support from our main office whatsoever.
We also got a dog this weekend, and he is the cutest thing in the world. Except for the fact that he was a puppy mill resuce, so he pretty much is scared to death of any human. My wife and I are fostering him for the rescue organization, and wanted SO much to help him. We still want to help the little guy, but he is so timid/scared. It's not the end of the world, but it is just one more stressor on my life.
Ok, enough of my self-pity rant... None of these problems compare to the problem I was facing every day, taking myself one step closer to major medical bills and permanent dis-figuration. Not one of those is any even remotely worth "excuse" to pack a lip of cancer dirt in my mouth. There are no excuses....
ODAAT... NAFAR...
Brink...
Brink,
As you know take the small yet proven steps, if all else fails...you have my number. Dial up the Pinched Hotline before to make the mistake and make any purchases or bum a pinch from anyone.
Life is a bitch, quitting sucks but if you were a pussy you wouldn't be here now. Look on the bright side, you are QUIT, you have a chance to help another life in the puppy, you have a forum full of assholes at your disposal and did AI mention that you are QUIT!
QFQQ,
Pinched
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I told myself for years that the only reason I didn't quit is because I didn't want to. I enjoyed it too much. Day 4 is rough, I won't lie. Getting a dip would make me feel better in a hurry. I could focus more on work and get more done, however, I am realizing just how much control this little can had over my life and there is no way in hell something that stupid is gonna tell me how to act, feel, live......
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I told myself for years that the only reason I didn't quit is because I didn't want to. I enjoyed it too much. Day 4 is rough, I won't lie. Getting a dip would make me feel better in a hurry. I could focus more on work and get more done, however, I am realizing just how much control this little can had over my life and there is no way in hell something that stupid is gonna tell me how to act, feel, live......
Bama, I respectfully disagree on a couple points. Contrary to popular belief, as you'll soon see, everything is better without the shit in your lip. If doesn't magically make you smarter, calmer or more productive. Think about what your saying... that's her, whispering. 'Finger' Nicbitch.
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I told myself for years that the only reason I didn't quit is because I didn't want to. I enjoyed it too much. Day 4 is rough, I won't lie. Getting a dip would make me feel better in a hurry. I could focus more on work and get more done, however, I am realizing just how much control this little can had over my life and there is no way in hell something that stupid is gonna tell me how to act, feel, live......
Bama, I respectfully disagree on a couple points. Contrary to popular belief, as you'll soon see, everything is better without the shit in your lip. If doesn't magically make you smarter, calmer or more productive. Think about what your saying... that's her, whispering. 'Finger' Nicbitch.
You got to realize that a dip only feeds the nicotine Addiction. You are a drug addict! Nicotine is a drug. I equate what u are saying as to what a heroin addict would say... Just give me that next fix and all will be better. That is utter BS! Things will not be better. You won't concentrate any better. I can tell you one thing. You will readjust your daily focus on getting that next fix. Back to being a slave to a can. U do not want that. Remember why u quit and quit reminiscing a out how great it was... It wasn't great. In fact it sucked!! Stay the course! You can do this. Quit with you today!
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39 Days into this...
Time for a little perspective. I still think about dip. I still would relish the opportunity to pack a lip and just settle in for the ride. But there is a difference now... It is not that all consuming "dear god I need to find a can to get this shit in my lip before I murder somebody". It is almost more of a reminiscence. Kind of like thinking back in time to "huh, there were some great times with that ex, but for the love of christ I wouldnt deal with that again".
Craves are few and far between, Im almost beginning to feel normal the majority of the time. It's a good feeling. Work is still stressing me the fuck out, but fewer times I find myself having to fight the urge to use nicotine as a crutch. It isn't easy in construction. A lot of guys smoke and or dip on the site. But I am able to look at it as I would something else that is a personal choice, kind of like "oh, ok, so you want to maim your body. Enjoy that choice. I'm not going to partake".
Every day still has it's moments, but there is a lull in the war... I kind of enjoy it. I know that there will be ambush attacks in the future for which I must be prepared, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the good days....
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39 Days into this...
Time for a little perspective. I still think about dip. I still would relish the opportunity to pack a lip and just settle in for the ride. But there is a difference now... It is not that all consuming "dear god I need to find a can to get this shit in my lip before I murder somebody". It is almost more of a reminiscence. Kind of like thinking back in time to "huh, there were some great times with that ex, but for the love of christ I wouldnt deal with that again".
Craves are few and far between, Im almost beginning to feel normal the majority of the time. It's a good feeling. Work is still stressing me the fuck out, but fewer times I find myself having to fight the urge to use nicotine as a crutch. It isn't easy in construction. A lot of guys smoke and or dip on the site. But I am able to look at it as I would something else that is a personal choice, kind of like "oh, ok, so you want to maim your body. Enjoy that choice. I'm not going to partake".
Every day still has it's moments, but there is a lull in the war... I kind of enjoy it. I know that there will be ambush attacks in the future for which I must be prepared, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the good days....
Awesome work congrats BH on making it 39 days!
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39 Days into this...
Time for a little perspective. I still think about dip. I still would relish the opportunity to pack a lip and just settle in for the ride. But there is a difference now... It is not that all consuming "dear god I need to find a can to get this shit in my lip before I murder somebody". It is almost more of a reminiscence. Kind of like thinking back in time to "huh, there were some great times with that ex, but for the love of christ I wouldnt deal with that again".
Craves are few and far between, Im almost beginning to feel normal the majority of the time. It's a good feeling. Work is still stressing me the fuck out, but fewer times I find myself having to fight the urge to use nicotine as a crutch. It isn't easy in construction. A lot of guys smoke and or dip on the site. But I am able to look at it as I would something else that is a personal choice, kind of like "oh, ok, so you want to maim your body. Enjoy that choice. I'm not going to partake".Â
Every day still has it's moments, but there is a lull in the war... I kind of enjoy it. I know that there will be ambush attacks in the future for which I must be prepared, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the good days....
Awesome work congrats BH on making it 39 days!
day 40 for you, and you're doing great.. just relish in the thought that eventually you won't think about it at all.. it does happen.. The amount of time it takes is different for everybody, but if you just quit for one day at a time, you will get there... I ran into my old neighbor yesterday.. Basically he looked like shit.. over weight, huffing puffing from walking? He's a nice guy, but a drinker dipper.. He's only 2 years older than me, but looks more like 20.
thank god I woke my ass up! never again for any reason..
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Day 49... Some more perspective.
Quitting still fucking sucks. I am at that dangerous set of crossroads in my quit. 49 days... I feel good most of the time. I don't think about dip hardly ever, but there is a tradeoff in that... when it DOES cross my mind, it comes on like a 50 ton mack truck barreling down a hill with no brakes. Today was no exception. My superintendent handed me a tin this morning and said "try this" (citrus skoal, some "buddy" of his turned him on to it this past weekend). Any other day it would have just been a "nah I'm good". I have this quit thing down pat, after all I have been doing it for 49 days... I am in complete control... WRONG!!!
It felt like an eternity that the tin was in my hand. I could even see in my head the exact steps that were between that very second, and my cave: The sweet noise of the finger thudding against the can, the first aroma hitting my nose as the can gets opened, feeling the long cut between the fingers as I pinched a little bit out to place in my lip, and finally the familiar burn long forgotten.
The disturbing part is that I can write that paragraph and still romanticize the very thing that was leading me to an early grave. I am beyond fed-up with work. I love my job, but LOATHE my current project and the commute associated with it. It would have been so easy. It would have made me FEEL so much better. But that is a lie. One problem + Nicotine = Two problems. I know this. I was strong. I handed the tin back and said no thanks. It was perhaps the single most blindsiding un-adulterated assault on my quit yet. But I stayed quit. The desire for the dip was strong, but my WILL TO QUIT was stronger.
There is no reason to choose to poison yourself... I have made the correct choice hundreds of times over the past 49 days. Today was one more time making the correct choice. I am QUIT!
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Day 49... Some more perspective.
Quitting still fucking sucks. I am at that dangerous set of crossroads in my quit. 49 days... I feel good most of the time. I don't think about dip hardly ever, but there is a tradeoff in that... when it DOES cross my mind, it comes on like a 50 ton mack truck barreling down a hill with no brakes. Today was no exception. My superintendent handed me a tin this morning and said "try this" (citrus skoal, some "buddy" of his turned him on to it this past weekend). Any other day it would have just been a "nah I'm good". I have this quit thing down pat, after all I have been doing it for 49 days... I am in complete control... WRONG!!!
It felt like an eternity that the tin was in my hand. I could even see in my head the exact steps that were between that very second, and my cave: The sweet noise of the finger thudding against the can, the first aroma hitting my nose as the can gets opened, feeling the long cut between the fingers as I pinched a little bit out to place in my lip, and finally the familiar burn long forgotten.
The disturbing part is that I can write that paragraph and still romanticize the very thing that was leading me to an early grave. I am beyond fed-up with work. I love my job, but LOATHE my current project and the commute associated with it. It would have been so easy. It would have made me FEEL so much better. But that is a lie. One problem + Nicotine = Two problems. I know this. I was strong. I handed the tin back and said no thanks. It was perhaps the single most blindsiding un-adulterated assault on my quit yet. But I stayed quit. The desire for the dip was strong, but my WILL TO QUIT was stronger.
There is no reason to choose to poison yourself... I have made the correct choice hundreds of times over the past 49 days. Today was one more time making the correct choice. I am QUIT!
Awesome work man. I bet that was tough as hell. I'm only on day 12 right now and when I think about chew, it's all I can think about for around 5-10 minutes. Anyway, congrats on not caving, that was a big test for your willpower and you passed.
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Great job staying quit!!!
Your words ring so true to me! Even after 56 days All the sites,sounds and smells are sooo powerful!
I'm lucky in that there are very few dippers in my circle of friends and coworkers so the temptation isn't there in my face every day.
Again awesome job on staying quit!
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Day 49... Some more perspective.
Quitting still fucking sucks. I am at that dangerous set of crossroads in my quit. 49 days... I feel good most of the time. I don't think about dip hardly ever, but there is a tradeoff in that... when it DOES cross my mind, it comes on like a 50 ton mack truck barreling down a hill with no brakes. Today was no exception. My superintendent handed me a tin this morning and said "try this" (citrus skoal, some "buddy" of his turned him on to it this past weekend). Any other day it would have just been a "nah I'm good". I have this quit thing down pat, after all I have been doing it for 49 days... I am in complete control... WRONG!!!
It felt like an eternity that the tin was in my hand. I could even see in my head the exact steps that were between that very second, and my cave: The sweet noise of the finger thudding against the can, the first aroma hitting my nose as the can gets opened, feeling the long cut between the fingers as I pinched a little bit out to place in my lip, and finally the familiar burn long forgotten.
The disturbing part is that I can write that paragraph and still romanticize the very thing that was leading me to an early grave. I am beyond fed-up with work. I love my job, but LOATHE my current project and the commute associated with it. It would have been so easy. It would have made me FEEL so much better. But that is a lie. One problem + Nicotine = Two problems. I know this. I was strong. I handed the tin back and said no thanks. It was perhaps the single most blindsiding un-adulterated assault on my quit yet. But I stayed quit. The desire for the dip was strong, but my WILL TO QUIT was stronger.
There is no reason to choose to poison yourself... I have made the correct choice hundreds of times over the past 49 days. Today was one more time making the correct choice. I am QUIT!
Congrats on another day brother. I had a similar experience over the weekend when I walked into a buddies house, and sitting there on the counter was a tin of skoal mint. I 9 days at the time at damn, it was like I could hear the tin calling my name. I ended up having to plant myself on the other side of the room, but even then that didn't help. I found myself stealing glances all night. Luckily, i had my seeds with me, so I was constantly chewing them. But it was behind me that I heard it, the thump of the can, the opening/closing of the lid, I could smell it. It was at this time that the wife saw him, and saw me, and said "TIME TO GO!".
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Day 49... Some more perspective.
Quitting still fucking sucks. I am at that dangerous set of crossroads in my quit. 49 days... I feel good most of the time. I don't think about dip hardly ever, but there is a tradeoff in that... when it DOES cross my mind, it comes on like a 50 ton mack truck barreling down a hill with no brakes. Today was no exception. My superintendent handed me a tin this morning and said "try this" (citrus skoal, some "buddy" of his turned him on to it this past weekend). Any other day it would have just been a "nah I'm good". I have this quit thing down pat, after all I have been doing it for 49 days... I am in complete control... WRONG!!!
It felt like an eternity that the tin was in my hand. I could even see in my head the exact steps that were between that very second, and my cave: The sweet noise of the finger thudding against the can, the first aroma hitting my nose as the can gets opened, feeling the long cut between the fingers as I pinched a little bit out to place in my lip, and finally the familiar burn long forgotten.
The disturbing part is that I can write that paragraph and still romanticize the very thing that was leading me to an early grave. I am beyond fed-up with work. I love my job, but LOATHE my current project and the commute associated with it. It would have been so easy. It would have made me FEEL so much better. But that is a lie. One problem + Nicotine = Two problems. I know this. I was strong. I handed the tin back and said no thanks. It was perhaps the single most blindsiding un-adulterated assault on my quit yet. But I stayed quit. The desire for the dip was strong, but my WILL TO QUIT was stronger.
There is no reason to choose to poison yourself... I have made the correct choice hundreds of times over the past 49 days. Today was one more time making the correct choice. I am QUIT!
Great choice. I even love the verbiage you used to describe your mental apathy for the tin in your hand. I am so glad that I do not have to rail on you for being a spineless wuss that caved after this long. Instead I offer up a high five and a smile knowing that you are winning.
I know I don't have to say this but I will quit with you any and every day.
Pinched
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Our first stop is in Maryland to pick up brinkhoffs52, who promised to bring us some Maryland blue crabs on the train! He is married with no children, brink started dipping at 18 with Camel Snus and Skoal. Brinkhoffs is a project manager for a construction company, enjoys working on his own home, playing golf, hockey and rooting for the Washington Capitals! His words of wisdom for everyone are "Everything about the nic bitch is a choice. A choice to put the poison in, a choice to never do it again. Always choose to save your own live." Brink singled out Dabean as a big inspiration, taking time away from his family to help him out through a particularly tough crave. Congrats Brinkhoffs52, hope you decide to stick around beyond 100!
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Nice work brother!
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Congrats Dan.
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Day 49... Some more perspective.
Quitting still fucking sucks. I am at that dangerous set of crossroads in my quit. 49 days... I feel good most of the time. I don't think about dip hardly ever, but there is a tradeoff in that... when it DOES cross my mind, it comes on like a 50 ton mack truck barreling down a hill with no brakes. Today was no exception. My superintendent handed me a tin this morning and said "try this" (citrus skoal, some "buddy" of his turned him on to it this past weekend). Any other day it would have just been a "nah I'm good". I have this quit thing down pat, after all I have been doing it for 49 days... I am in complete control... WRONG!!!
It felt like an eternity that the tin was in my hand. I could even see in my head the exact steps that were between that very second, and my cave: The sweet noise of the finger thudding against the can, the first aroma hitting my nose as the can gets opened, feeling the long cut between the fingers as I pinched a little bit out to place in my lip, and finally the familiar burn long forgotten.Â
The disturbing part is that I can write that paragraph and still romanticize the very thing that was leading me to an early grave. I am beyond fed-up with work. I love my job, but LOATHE my current project and the commute associated with it. It would have been so easy. It would have made me FEEL so much better. But that is a lie. One problem + Nicotine = Two problems. I know this. I was strong. I handed the tin back and said no thanks. It was perhaps the single most blindsiding un-adulterated assault on my quit yet. But I stayed quit. The desire for the dip was strong, but my WILL TO QUIT was stronger.Â
There is no reason to choose to poison yourself... I have made the correct choice hundreds of times over the past 49 days. Today was one more time making the correct choice. I am QUIT!
Great choice. I even love the verbiage you used to describe your mental apathy for the tin in your hand. I am so glad that I do not have to rail on you for being a spineless wuss that caved after this long. Instead I offer up a high five and a smile knowing that you are winning.
I know I don't have to say this but I will quit with you any and every day.
Pinched
The 49th day story is power. I feel that freight train crave too and am like, "wtf where the hell did this shit come from." Thanks for the new quit tool.
Grizzfall