KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: 4TheWin on September 18, 2017, 12:26:00 PM
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I think writing about this will help and I thank this community as I really think it is going to help me win against the demon once and for all.
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First, I am bad with all the blog/forum/site nav stuff...so if I mess up, apologies and feel free to offer any pointers, tips, etc. I'll try not to screw things up here too bad.
Second, I love the idea of this site and have already been inspired by a number of things I have seen here. I really believe that this is going to make a difference for me this time around. Thank you to this entire Community! Just knowing that it exists is very powerful.
Now on to my story (which is, I hope, what this section is supposed to be about). I am a 51 year old CEO of a medium sized business in northern Ohio. I have been dipping since I was 16. It was all fun and games through high school, college, the army and even grad school. Then, I tried to quit and realized (for the first time I think)...holy sh*t this stuff is REALLY addictive. Since then I have tried any number of times to quit, but have always fell off the wagon. Maybe 5 years ago, I decided that it was hopeless and decided to work on other aspects of health. Since then my habit has ballooned out to basically 2 cans a day, which is absolutely ridiculous. Oh, and I am pretty much a closet dipper, trying to hide this disgusting habit from as many people as I can, which frequently makes me an anti-social liar!
Anyway, I have an awesome life and a great family. Sure there are stresses, but to let this f*cking little can rule my world is (to me) an affront to the kind of man I am called to be. So, it must end.
There is never a perfect time, as I have learned over the years...but just got past a big golf trip with my ol college buddies, I have an exec physical in about a month, and my lovely wife (who has known about my habit for years but mostly turned a blind eye) recently found ANOTHER "hidden" can and asked me in the most loving possible way, to please stop this. So, I started web surfing and found this site...lurked for a few days, did some reading up...and felt totally jazzed that I could f*cking do it - once and forever - this time...especially with some people who could relate for support (you!) and a place where I could unload (here!) at the ready.
So I used up the last of my Skoal last night...put the Smokey Mountain and sun seeds I bought on Friday in my pocket this morning...and headed to work. This is Day 1 and I am quit. One day at a time. Thank you!
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First, I am bad with all the blog/forum/site nav stuff...so if I mess up, apologies and feel free to offer any pointers, tips, etc. I'll try not to screw things up here too bad.
Second, I love the idea of this site and have already been inspired by a number of things I have seen here. I really believe that this is going to make a difference for me this time around. Thank you to this entire Community! Just knowing that it exists is very powerful.
Now on to my story (which is, I hope, what this section is supposed to be about). I am a 51 year old CEO of a medium sized business in northern Ohio. I have been dipping since I was 16. It was all fun and games through high school, college, the army and even grad school. Then, I tried to quit and realized (for the first time I think)...holy sh*t this stuff is REALLY addictive. Since then I have tried any number of times to quit, but have always fell off the wagon. Maybe 5 years ago, I decided that it was hopeless and decided to work on other aspects of health. Since then my habit has ballooned out to basically 2 cans a day, which is absolutely ridiculous. Oh, and I am pretty much a closet dipper, trying to hide this disgusting habit from as many people as I can, which frequently makes me an anti-social liar!
Anyway, I have an awesome life and a great family. Sure there are stresses, but to let this f*cking little can rule my world is (to me) an affront to the kind of man I am called to be. So, it must end.
There is never a perfect time, as I have learned over the years...but just got past a big golf trip with my ol college buddies, I have an exec physical in about a month, and my lovely wife (who has known about my habit for years but mostly turned a blind eye) recently found ANOTHER "hidden" can and asked me in the most loving possible way, to please stop this. So, I started web surfing and found this site...lurked for a few days, did some reading up...and felt totally jazzed that I could f*cking do it - once and forever - this time...especially with some people who could relate for support (you!) and a place where I could unload (here!) at the ready.
So I used up the last of my Skoal last night...put the Smokey Mountain and sun seeds I bought on Friday in my pocket this morning...and headed to work. This is Day 1 and I am quit. One day at a time. Thank you!
Congrats on the best decision of your life. Stay close to the site. Read as much as you can! Talk shit, vent, rage, waste time! Your quit needs to absolutely be a top priority for you at this time! 1a. God (if you are religious) 1b. Quit 1c. Family 2. Everything else. As I'm sure you are well aware by now, the first 3 days are brutal! Drink tons of water and stuff anything you want in your mouth that doesnt contain nicotine!
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Thanks Jeff and I think I like you even though you are a U of M guy!
Your H of F post was solid...and a lot of what you said really resonates!!
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Thanks Jeff and I think I like you even though you are a U of M guy!
Your H of F post was solid...and a lot of what you said really resonates!!
I assume you're a Buckeye....Plenty here....great thing is we all have a common enemy nicotine! This shit sucks as bad as JT Barrett playing QB. Steel the balls and let's do this!
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Thanks Jeff and I think I like you even though you are a U of M guy!
Your H of F post was solid...and a lot of what you said really resonates!!
I assume you're a Buckeye....Plenty here....great thing is we all have a common enemy nicotine! This shit sucks as bad as JT Barrett playing QB. Steel the balls and let's do this!
You can do it 4thewin!
One day at a time and before you know it you can rack up an impressive day count just like THIS ONE (http://howmanydayssincemichiganhasbeatenohiostate.com/)
Proud to quit with you today !
OH ...IO
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4thewin, everything said above is so important. Read, read, read. Wake Up, Piss, Post your promise. Do this Every Damn Day and you are on your way to a better life, free from nicotine. Reach out to as many people here as you are comfortable with, then 5 more. Trying to do this with just the site and your promise is tougher than having 20 people waiting on your post and or text every day. Broccoli-Saurus talked a while back about being such an asshole to people who cave that he could never cave. Be like that, have so many people in touch with you daily that the thought of letting them all down is too much to bear. there was member missing from your roll yesterday, and nobody in the group had his/her phone number to reach out and say what the fuck? Answer those PMs in your inbox and get in touch with people daily. Samrs sends out a cheesy joke every day, Miker0351 always has a funny meme/giphy/whatever the hell they call it. Personalize it or just send your daily count, but get involved. My digits will be in your inbox soon as well
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poof
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Jeff W
Swilson
69 Franx
Thanks for your support and encouragement. I read a lot of stuff you guys posted and I feel inspired.
For the record, I am an OSU fan, but not a die-hard. I live 40 minutes from AA but in Ohio...so everyone around me is either die hard Bucks or die hard Blue...and I decided on OSU waaayyy back in the Woody vs Bo days....but I do not have any real connection to OSU or any real hatred for U of M....I just love the rivalry....it is a blast and all that being said...A) I am worried about this year for sure and B) OH - IO !!!
F*ck the nic bitch...one day at a time...and I will be back tomorrow for sure!
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don't let that other Jeff W beat you down with his Khaki pants nonsense even though OSU is in trouble already. You can always go neutral and route for UDUB with me.
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Nice intro dude.
This addiction knows no limits... racial, socioeconomic, gender... it can hit anyone. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I wasn't in the military, but did quit 10 years earlier so that gets us closer to par. ?. The first few weeks suck dude. Im not gonna whitewash it. They suck. But things get so much better. This suck feeling isn't your new normal. And nicotine doesn't help you perform better in your life, in your job.... So when your head tells you it does, remember that Worktowin promised you that it does not. Listen to the bad asses that you listed... They are the real deal. If you need anything let me know. I went to the train wreck of a Mizzou game this weekend so you might write me off... Understandable!
You can do this. If I can, you can.
Worktowin 1,730
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4thewin, everything said above is so important. Read, read, read. Wake Up, Piss, Post your promise. Do this Every Damn Day and you are on your way to a better life, free from nicotine. Reach out to as many people here as you are comfortable with, then 5 more. Trying to do this with just the site and your promise is tougher than having 20 people waiting on your post and or text every day. Broccoli-Saurus talked a while back about being such an asshole to people who cave that he could never cave. Be like that, have so many people in touch with you daily that the thought of letting them all down is too much to bear. there was member missing from your roll yesterday, and nobody in the group had his/her phone number to reach out and say what the fuck? Answer those PMs in your inbox and get in touch with people daily. Samrs sends out a cheesy joke every day, Miker0351 always has a funny meme/giphy/whatever the hell they call it. Personalize it or just send your daily count, but get involved. My digits will be in your inbox soon as well
You are killing it dude. Love seeing you post with do many groups, supporting so many. And mentoring. You are getting your name out there, and that is keep. Nice work bro.
Sorry I high jacked another dudes thread, but you have written the manual on how you quit here.
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Thanks Worktowin...and sorry about Mizzou...I mean who loses to Purdue by that much? You guys need Gary Pinkel back!
Very true about the contributions of you and others at this place...inspiring and informative. Really a game changer in terms of being able to f*cking really do it this time.
And yes, things suck right now...but I knew what to expect....I am more worried about triggers and temptations that will be coming up in a few weeks....so perhaps I will read up on those today....one f*cking day at a time...
This time I know I go this...because I am really doing it for myself and no-one else....and because I feel like I have support which is awesome
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Oh and feel free (anyone) to "jack my thread" anytime....
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Okay, so last night sucked....woke up like every hour...I would say that it is not really cravings that are getting me at this point, it is just that my brain feels "fuzzy". I am having a hard time concentrating and focusing. So it is like I miss the buzz from the f*cking poison but not that I am really craving it....if that makes any sense. Also, I don't think I am being extra irritable...which unfortunately probably means that I am...so sorry world!
Worked out this AM, which is good, and did not eat anything unhealthy yesterday, which is also good. Have not really seen much info about how exercise helps with quitting, but I bet it does. As for food, we will have to watch that, but as long as I stick to my plan I should be okay.
The smokey mountain stuff is not too bad...at least it is something.
Over the 36 or so years I have been addicted to this horrible sh*t, I cannot say how many times I tried to quit. I can remember at least two periods where I was quit for more than a year. What was it that made me go back after all of that time? I know I am getting ahead of myself with that question, but it does imply that I should probably plan on staying hooked up with this support mechanism (and thank God for it) for a long, long time....like maybe forever. During one of my longest, previous quits, I was helped by calling a 1-800 line that was provided to help stop smoking as part of the Ohio tobacco settlement. They shuffled me around a while since they were highly focused on smoking and did not know much about dip, but when I finally did talk to someone it was helpful. First he armed me with some facts (like dip is way more addictive than cigs and thus harder to quit and at 1+ cans a day I had a serious problem) and then a couple of times I called him as I was literally driving to the quik-e-mart to buy some shit and he talked me off the ledge. That is why I am so psyched about this place. I think that this support is going f*cking save my life (or at least most of my jaw). I do not have any reason to believe I have any type of cancer going on, but sh*t, 36 years of abuse and I am sure that it is just a matter of time. I think I have gained some power over the "nic bitch" (nice phrase y'all use around here) by quitting before some doc tells me I have cancer, etc. This is MY F*CKING quit and I am doing it because I WANT TO and not because someone else is telling or asking me to.
And I want to remember how much it sucks these first few days when you quit...because there is NO F*CKING WAY I WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN...so there is no way I am going cave again.
Thanks and peace out....
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Day 3 - I have a lot to say today, but not a lot of time to f*ck around on the site....let's see if I can break it down into sub topics:
A) How am I doing on day 3
B) What do I think of KTC
C) What problems do I see over the next few days that I need to worry about
D) More history and background as far as my intro goes and my thoughts on this whole f*cking thing
One important thing I like....I have never quit before...I have only stopped....but this time I am absolutely quitting because I know that I am a f*cking addict and I cannot even touch this shit...it is poison and it will f*cking take over my life again if I let it...I hate nic with every ounce of my body....and no f*cking way I am caving today.
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Let's start with Sub Topic 3B - what do I think of this site...
Well it is interesting for sure. I am appreciative that someone created something like this...and I appreciate the passion....I am okay with the "my way of the highway" approach too.
On the other hand, I am not exactly thrilled with some of the sh*t going down with my quit group....the vets dominate the posting and seem far more interested in bashing cavers than they do offering support to newbies...which ain't that great...
I do understand the need for cavers to be held accountable, but remember most of us can learn something from each of them (or at least I can)....no matter how lame ass their story is...so the harassment and teasing of cavers doesn't bother me...
But how about some more / better support for guys like me?! (I know I am whining like a f*cking pussy right now....but I am allowed to here, right). I mean I could use some f*cking explanations about how things work and all the secret rules and also site logistics.....plus the flow of the whole DEC 17 quit group thread is already pretty hard to follow (just by roll call posts) and when you add in 100 posts from vets bashing people we don't know and talking about shit that makes no sense...it kinda sucks and it is also hard to form bonds with the others in my group who presumably are those it is most important for me to make a connection with...
And then there is the fact that after a flurry of PMs on day 1, now no one seems all that f*cking interested in me. (I know, maybe I am just a boring-ass human and/or suck-ass post writer) All 8 people that PMed me so far owe me a response, i.e. did not respond to my last PM to them.
In the end, I know this is all on me and in no way does it have any f*cking chance of f*cking up my quit, but still it is kinda annoying and I am going to bitch about it, so there. I will get to work putting myself out there more over the next few days, as I really think I will need the support...but right now I gotta get some f*cking work done...as I am doing an absolute shit@ss job at my job over the last 2 1/2 days.
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Focus and concentration will be lost when in the fog. B12 complex can help. You ingested a chemically engineered stimulant and fed your addiction, at-will, to keep everything appearing normal. This is why it was always a good time to have a dip: shower dip, after coffee, on the drive in, tucked in your office, after lunch, on the drive home, just one too unwind, last one before bed. Even though you didn't notice the buzz you did as a kid you body and brain knew it was getting its fix. As a quitter, your life and lifestyle will change. No more hiding no more planning its use. I felt very lost but was able to turn the tide by continuing to make my promise first thing in the morning. There is a long road ahead, keep your victories small, hour by hour works just fine. Lean on your group, it will help them along and you will someday know how amazing being free from nicotine truely feels. Good to be quit with you.
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Let's start with Sub Topic 3B - what do I think of this site...
Well it is interesting for sure. I am appreciative that someone created something like this...and I appreciate the passion....I am okay with the "my way of the highway" approach too.
On the other hand, I am not exactly thrilled with some of the sh*t going down with my quit group....the vets dominate the posting and seem far more interested in bashing cavers than they do offering support to newbies...which ain't that great...
I do understand the need for cavers to be held accountable, but remember most of us can learn something from each of them (or at least I can)....no matter how lame ass their story is...so the harassment and teasing of cavers doesn't bother me...
But how about some more / better support for guys like me?! (I know I am whining like a f*cking pussy right now....but I am allowed to here, right). I mean I could use some f*cking explanations about how things work and all the secret rules and also site logistics.....plus the flow of the whole DEC 17 quit group thread is already pretty hard to follow (just by roll call posts) and when you add in 100 posts from vets bashing people we don't know and talking about shit that makes no sense...it kinda sucks and it is also hard to form bonds with the others in my group who presumably are those it is most important for me to make a connection with...
And then there is the fact that after a flurry of PMs on day 1, now no one seems all that f*cking interested in me. (I know, maybe I am just a boring-ass human and/or suck-ass post writer) All 8 people that PMed me so far owe me a response, i.e. did not respond to my last PM to them.
In the end, I know this is all on me and in no way does it have any f*cking chance of f*cking up my quit, but still it is kinda annoying and I am going to bitch about it, so there. I will get to work putting myself out there more over the next few days, as I really think I will need the support...but right now I gotta get some f*cking work done...as I am doing an absolute shit@ss job at my job over the last 2 1/2 days.
I wanted to step in on this one. 1389 days quit. I still struggle. I still use my Quit group. I still use my texting buddies. This is lifelong.
I remember the first time I saw some vets lay into a caver. I was like, whoah! Those dudes were harsh. That was uncalled for. Here's the rub tho. You, this new into your Quit, don't understand the addict speak yet. The cavers will use any bullshit addict xcuse to get sympathy and get people off their ass. We know it. We've see it too many times. We know what they say and how they say it.
Fuck. Applejack can usually tell in the first paragraph if someone's gonna quit or cave. And he don't play. He will call you on your bullshit in a heartbeat. He's awesome.
So are they being mean just to be mean? No. Every single one of us wants you quit. That requires truth and honesty on here. Even when it's harsh as fuck. You cannot give the addict brain a single shred of hope that they may be able to "just have one." You have to expose that wound. It's gotta be raw. It's gotta let the infection drain so it can heal. Otherwise your just enabling. This isn't a game man. This methodology is proven. It works. If we don't win that caver or new quitter whose wobbling over there's every chance this addiction will kill them. Dead. This is serious and we want to beat that bitch back and save people's lives.
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I REALLY appreciate Bulldog and ScottL reading and posting here....hope you guys got my PMs.
Made me feel supported and also your words of wisdom = VERY HELPFUL!
I especially love this quote from Bulldog...."You cannot give the addict brain a single shred of hope that they may be able to "just have one." "
That is so f*cking true. It is probably why I caved so many times in my pre-KTC attempts. I never really acknowledged that I am an addict and that I cannot, ever even have one little taste of that f*cking stuff EVER again...because if I do I will be right back where I was...slave to the can and all the absolute f*cking evil that comes with it.
Thanks!
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Okay, so last night sucked....woke up like every hour...I would say that it is not really cravings that are getting me at this point, it is just that my brain feels "fuzzy". I am having a hard time concentrating and focusing. So it is like I miss the buzz from the f*cking poison but not that I am really craving it....if that makes any sense. Also, I don't think I am being extra irritable...which unfortunately probably means that I am...so sorry world!
Worked out this AM, which is good, and did not eat anything unhealthy yesterday, which is also good. Have not really seen much info about how exercise helps with quitting, but I bet it does. As for food, we will have to watch that, but as long as I stick to my plan I should be okay.
The smokey mountain stuff is not too bad...at least it is something.
Over the 36 or so years I have been addicted to this horrible sh*t, I cannot say how many times I tried to quit. I can remember at least two periods where I was quit for more than a year. What was it that made me go back after all of that time? I know I am getting ahead of myself with that question, but it does imply that I should probably plan on staying hooked up with this support mechanism (and thank God for it) for a long, long time....like maybe forever. During one of my longest, previous quits, I was helped by calling a 1-800 line that was provided to help stop smoking as part of the Ohio tobacco settlement. They shuffled me around a while since they were highly focused on smoking and did not know much about dip, but when I finally did talk to someone it was helpful. First he armed me with some facts (like dip is way more addictive than cigs and thus harder to quit and at 1+ cans a day I had a serious problem) and then a couple of times I called him as I was literally driving to the quik-e-mart to buy some shit and he talked me off the ledge. That is why I am so psyched about this place. I think that this support is going f*cking save my life (or at least most of my jaw). I do not have any reason to believe I have any type of cancer going on, but sh*t, 36 years of abuse and I am sure that it is just a matter of time. I think I have gained some power over the "nic bitch" (nice phrase y'all use around here) by quitting before some doc tells me I have cancer, etc. This is MY F*CKING quit and I am doing it because I WANT TO and not because someone else is telling or asking me to.
And I want to remember how much it sucks these first few days when you quit...because there is NO F*CKING WAY I WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN...so there is no way I am going cave again.
Thanks and peace out....
Hey man... the fog...
Dude, that is brutal. Nicotine suppresses blood oxygen levels. Your brain is reprogrammed to work on less oxygen, and now that the nicotine levels are gone, the oxygen levels are up... and your brain is flooded with good stuff that it needs and deserves but isn't used to getting. Mine lasted almost 50 days. When it passed, it was so wonderful, but living through the fog is a fucking nightmare. We did this to ourselves, so we deserve some pain to reap the rewards ahead. Keep pushing forward, it will pass. But it will take some time.
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Okay so now back to the sh*t I was going to try to cover yesterday...so here is a "how am I doing?" combo report for Days 3 and 4....
So far they have both absolutely sucked. Did not sleep well either night. My brain feels foggy all the time. This morning, on my way to the gym, I missed a f*cking step and fell! Nothing broken but un-f*cking believable. I never fall...balance is excellent...I am blaming the nic bitch. Anyway, that sucked...but I still worked out for about 45 minutes, which is good. Last night I really felt like shit before bed. Cramps, stomach hurt, head hurt...headaches seems pretty constant now...and the cravings are pretty bad too...although I have been cramming seeds or smokey mountain in my mouth pretty much all f*cking day. I have also been pissing almost constantly...probably because I am drinking so much f*cking water.
Anyway, I am also sure I have been a real peach to be around. I have been avoiding as much work interaction as possible, but that is going to catch up with me, as life does not stop just because I quit. I have also had some significant spouse stress, kid stress and work stress things explode in the last 48 hours. All of these have triggered nice craves...but I am actually feeling good because I was ready for the them...and they honestly were manageable. It is more the few minutes when I am sitting there doing nothing that the mind games start...or like I forget for a moment that I am quit...and my brain says "oh, time to go get a dip...now where did you last hide that can..." and then it snaps back and remembers....no f*cking nic for you today baby! (And thank God I don't have a trophy or hidden can somewhere because that would probably have been too much, too easy) It is only fleeting...and also seems to be on my mind sometimes when I wake up...but it does make me wistful for a dip for just a minute which is weird.
On a brighter front, I am so jacked by the KTC site that I also wake up thinking I need to piss and post role...so this place is getting to me.
I still haven't formed any close bonds yet....somethng to work on...but I am here and I am quit for today and I will take it ODAAT.
I would have posted roll at 6:00 AM when I woke up, but I couldn't figure out how to do it with my smart phone...and then the whole morning go pretty f*cked up....but I made it and that is my story and I am moving forward 100% quit!
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You seem to have that same tenacity to quit as the ones that really want to quit have... good!
Keep after it, you are doing all the right things, exercise, drink water... but understand a couple things
- your work life will suffer, but you have to accept that for a month. do not let that be something that deters you
- you need to tell your wife that you may be a complete mess / asshole for the next 20 days or so (if you haven't already)
- get digits from other people in your group and vets (PM incoming) a text can save a quit real quick
Read like you are and "embrace the suck" - remember this shit because there is no way you want to do this again brother.
IQWYT (I Quit With You Today)
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Hey buddy. When you get some time and are fighting those craves jump on and read some of the intros. What you'll see is guys doing exactly what you did. Going through exactly what you went through. Some had it harder. Some had it easier. I used my intro page as a journal to list exactly what I was going through so I could go back in perpetuity and remember. Man it's funny. I don't even recognize myself. That's a different dude.
Don't worry about making connections too much yet. Those will come. You have my digits. If you need anything text or call. Offer up your digits in your Quit group. Ask for others. I can't tell you how many times a random text saved my ass from caving. It's weird at first.:.totally having all these dudes phone numbers but man is it worth it.
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Okay so now back to the sh*t I was going to try to cover yesterday...so here is a "how am I doing?" combo report for Days 3 and 4....
So far they have both absolutely sucked. Did not sleep well either night. My brain feels foggy all the time. This morning, on my way to the gym, I missed a f*cking step and fell! Nothing broken but un-f*cking believable. I never fall...balance is excellent...I am blaming the nic bitch. Anyway, that sucked...but I still worked out for about 45 minutes, which is good. Last night I really felt like shit before bed. Cramps, stomach hurt, head hurt...headaches seems pretty constant now...and the cravings are pretty bad too...although I have been cramming seeds or smokey mountain in my mouth pretty much all f*cking day. I have also been pissing almost constantly...probably because I am drinking so much f*cking water.
Anyway, I am also sure I have been a real peach to be around. I have been avoiding as much work interaction as possible, but that is going to catch up with me, as life does not stop just because I quit. I have also had some significant spouse stress, kid stress and work stress things explode in the last 48 hours. All of these have triggered nice craves...but I am actually feeling good because I was ready for the them...and they honestly were manageable. It is more the few minutes when I am sitting there doing nothing that the mind games start...or like I forget for a moment that I am quit...and my brain says "oh, time to go get a dip...now where did you last hide that can..." and then it snaps back and remembers....no f*cking nic for you today baby! (And thank God I don't have a trophy or hidden can somewhere because that would probably have been too much, too easy) It is only fleeting...and also seems to be on my mind sometimes when I wake up...but it does make me wistful for a dip for just a minute which is weird.
On a brighter front, I am so jacked by the KTC site that I also wake up thinking I need to piss and post role...so this place is getting to me.
I still haven't formed any close bonds yet....somethng to work on...but I am here and I am quit for today and I will take it ODAAT.
I would have posted roll at 6:00 AM when I woke up, but I couldn't figure out how to do it with my smart phone...and then the whole morning go pretty f*cked up....but I made it and that is my story and I am moving forward 100% quit!
Hey man. Congratulations on deciding to quit. I was also a ninja dipper and I've been a ninja quitter for 274 days now.
I'm an attorney, and I can tell you that the fog was scary for me. Concentration, focus, and attention to detail are critical to what I do, and I seriously was out of commission in those areas for about 80 days or so.
The next couple months after that were still not great, but at least I could start and finish a project. Concentration and focus were still hard.
It's only been the last 2 months or so where I've really felt my brain kick back into gear.
I tell you all this because I joined this site looking to find out how long I was going to be in the fog. It varies for everyone, but it seems the longer you've dipped, the longer it takes to really get clear of the fog.
Hang in there. Post your promise on December's roll everyday. Don't worry if you spend a whole day in here reading just to fight off craves. Don't worry if you seem a little off your corporate game.
You will get better.
Also, don't read too much into vets coming into December and stirring shit up. First, December has a lot of cavers. We are not going to let them lower the bar for new members. Second, fucking around with new groups is a right of passage. It means we like you.
Jack
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Okay...Day 4 was pretty okay after a nasty f*cking start...even managed to close the deal on a sales dude I have been trying to hire for almost a year...so the fog can be managed.
Now I have to think about this weekend a little bit....can't think of any major danger situations and should be able to hang out on KTC as much as needed....but still need to be wary...that nic bitch is a sneaky nasty bitch....
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that nic bitch is a sneaky nasty bitch....
If you only knew how true that totally is.....
do NOT let your guard down, not for a nanosecond! Quit with you today!
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that nic bitch is a sneaky nasty bitch....
If you only knew how true that totally is.....
do NOT let your guard down, not for a nanosecond! Quit with you today!
Listen to this guy ^^^ He knows his stuff.
4thewin, loving your spirit. Read everything about this addiction...everything...see it clinically...hate it for everything it has stolen from you...hate it for making you its slave. You don't need it. You are a quit god now.
Make us a promise every morning to not use nicotine and then keep your word that day. How simple is that? You can do it - no doubt about it.
PM in your inbox.
Crush this thing.
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Okay....probably sounds pathetic, but I REALLY like it when quitters send me PMs, or comment on my Intro or give me love in a roll post or whatever...gives me positive energy and helps for sure...
So if you are reading this THANK YOU...
Day 5: so far so good....and I know it is ODAAT around here....but I want to spend a few minutes thinking about what can get me in trouble and what has gone wrong when I stopped in the past...there is a f*cking TON of good advice on these topics that I have already seen, but I am kindof on KTC overload and did not make a note of this kind of advice as of yet...
So probably the #1 things are (A) WUPPEDD and (B) stay close and involved here....if I am doing these things I have help there even if I have not worked out my plans and worries about staying quit over the longer term.
It is also absolutely obvious that drinking is going to be a problem for me. I mean after even one drink my resolve to EAT healthy goes out the f*cking window AND I crave a dip...so I already know that this is a huge f*cking risk. Soooo, I already talked to my lovely wife about it...and I am going to stay clear of the drink for a while...but definitely not forever...so what else can I say about drinking and staying clean...well since I have pitched every f*cking tin I hid everywhere there should be NO temptation in the house....and I cannot walk to the quik-e-mart....so as long as I do not f*cking drive I should be fine...and since drinking and driving already don't go well together you would think this is a no brainer....but like everything with Nic Bitch it just ain't that simple....there are many times when I go out with my wife (dinner, party, whatever) and I have 1 or 2 drinks and I am driving home...and I need gas...and maybe she pissed me off about something...and boom...that is going to be some hard sh*t right there...I mean I think that this exact scenario has blown me up before...so I am going to stay clear of this for now...but will need a specific plan for this scenario before too long...
The other big trigger I am worried about is long car trips alone (usually for work and sometimes at night). I have caved in the past because "I need a dip to stay safe behind the wheel"...I know PATHETIC, UNACCEPTABLE (here -thank God) and not even true....but I need to be ready for this when it comes up...and it will come up many times over the next 2 months...I am lucky to be hiding out and staying home this week while I am getting my feet on the ground....
That is enough for now....feeling actually pretty good today...maybe a bit less foggy and a little better rested...
I plan on staying very close to KTC all weekend (since this is my first)...but I think I am in a good place and I know that I am good for today because I already did WUPP...and it is just that simple (and just that hard)...
Quit On Brothers and Sisters!
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Okay....probably sounds pathetic, but I REALLY like it when quitters send me PMs, or comment on my Intro or give me love in a roll post or whatever...gives me positive energy and helps for sure...
So if you are reading this THANK YOU...
Day 5: so far so good....and I know it is ODAAT around here....but I want to spend a few minutes thinking about what can get me in trouble and what has gone wrong when I stopped in the past...there is a f*cking TON of good advice on these topics that I have already seen, but I am kindof on KTC overload and did not make a note of this kind of advice as of yet...
So probably the #1 things are (A) WUPPEDD and (B) stay close and involved here....if I am doing these things I have help there even if I have not worked out my plans and worries about staying quit over the longer term.
It is also absolutely obvious that drinking is going to be a problem for me. I mean after even one drink my resolve to EAT healthy goes out the f*cking window AND I crave a dip...so I already know that this is a huge f*cking risk. Soooo, I already talked to my lovely wife about it...and I am going to stay clear of the drink for a while...but definitely not forever...so what else can I say about drinking and staying clean...well since I have pitched every f*cking tin I hid everywhere there should be NO temptation in the house....and I cannot walk to the quik-e-mart....so as long as I do not f*cking drive I should be fine...and since drinking and driving already don't go well together you would think this is a no brainer....but like everything with Nic Bitch it just ain't that simple....there are many times when I go out with my wife (dinner, party, whatever) and I have 1 or 2 drinks and I am driving home...and I need gas...and maybe she pissed me off about something...and boom...that is going to be some hard sh*t right there...I mean I think that this exact scenario has blown me up before...so I am going to stay clear of this for now...but will need a specific plan for this scenario before too long...
The other big trigger I am worried about is long car trips alone (usually for work and sometimes at night). I have caved in the past because "I need a dip to stay safe behind the wheel"...I know PATHETIC, UNACCEPTABLE (here -thank God) and not even true....but I need to be ready for this when it comes up...and it will come up many times over the next 2 months...I am lucky to be hiding out and staying home this week while I am getting my feet on the ground....
That is enough for now....feeling actually pretty good today...maybe a bit less foggy and a little better rested...
I plan on staying very close to KTC all weekend (since this is my first)...but I think I am in a good place and I know that I am good for today because I already did WUPP...and it is just that simple (and just that hard)...
Quit On Brothers and Sisters!
Hey December Brother -- I hear you on both triggers and share them.
Personally I have stopped the drinking for now to keep that trigger at bay. Bought cases of seltzer in cans to drink down for now -- so far so good.
I also do A LOT of driving for work and that was always another big SNUS time for me. Have not done any major trips in my 25 days but there will be some coming up soon. For me the non-nicotine replacements are REALLY helping out. The Oregon Mint and Smokey Mountain pouches are SPOT ON / GREAT substitutes for Snus. Provides me the mouth feel of the snus and even keeps my tongue happy when I brush up on it under my front lip -- old Snus habit. That has really been helping me.
Stay Strong Brother -- keep yourself busy this weekend. That helped me my first weekend.
Your December Sister
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Okay....probably sounds pathetic, but I REALLY like it when quitters send me PMs, or comment on my Intro or give me love in a roll post or whatever...gives me positive energy and helps for sure...
So if you are reading this THANK YOU...
Day 5: so far so good....and I know it is ODAAT around here....but I want to spend a few minutes thinking about what can get me in trouble and what has gone wrong when I stopped in the past...there is a f*cking TON of good advice on these topics that I have already seen, but I am kindof on KTC overload and did not make a note of this kind of advice as of yet...
So probably the #1 things are (A) WUPPEDD and (B) stay close and involved here....if I am doing these things I have help there even if I have not worked out my plans and worries about staying quit over the longer term.
It is also absolutely obvious that drinking is going to be a problem for me. I mean after even one drink my resolve to EAT healthy goes out the f*cking window AND I crave a dip...so I already know that this is a huge f*cking risk. Soooo, I already talked to my lovely wife about it...and I am going to stay clear of the drink for a while...but definitely not forever...so what else can I say about drinking and staying clean...well since I have pitched every f*cking tin I hid everywhere there should be NO temptation in the house....and I cannot walk to the quik-e-mart....so as long as I do not f*cking drive I should be fine...and since drinking and driving already don't go well together you would think this is a no brainer....but like everything with Nic Bitch it just ain't that simple....there are many times when I go out with my wife (dinner, party, whatever) and I have 1 or 2 drinks and I am driving home...and I need gas...and maybe she pissed me off about something...and boom...that is going to be some hard sh*t right there...I mean I think that this exact scenario has blown me up before...so I am going to stay clear of this for now...but will need a specific plan for this scenario before too long...
The other big trigger I am worried about is long car trips alone (usually for work and sometimes at night). I have caved in the past because "I need a dip to stay safe behind the wheel"...I know PATHETIC, UNACCEPTABLE (here -thank God) and not even true....but I need to be ready for this when it comes up...and it will come up many times over the next 2 months...I am lucky to be hiding out and staying home this week while I am getting my feet on the ground....
That is enough for now....feeling actually pretty good today...maybe a bit less foggy and a little better rested...
I plan on staying very close to KTC all weekend (since this is my first)...but I think I am in a good place and I know that I am good for today because I already did WUPP...and it is just that simple (and just that hard)...
Quit On Brothers and Sisters!
Hey December Brother -- I hear you on both triggers and share them.
Personally I have stopped the drinking for now to keep that trigger at bay. Bought cases of seltzer in cans to drink down for now -- so far so good.
I also do A LOT of driving for work and that was always another big SNUS time for me. Have not done any major trips in my 25 days but there will be some coming up soon. For me the non-nicotine replacements are REALLY helping out. The Oregon Mint and Smokey Mountain pouches are SPOT ON / GREAT substitutes for Snus. Provides me the mouth feel of the snus and even keeps my tongue happy when I brush up on it under my front lip -- old Snus habit. That has really been helping me.
Stay Strong Brother -- keep yourself busy this weekend. That helped me my first weekend.
Your December Sister
Drinking... I stopped for the first 100 days. Im a senior exec for a large alcohol company. My team buys $300 million worth of booze a year. If I can give it up for 100 days, you can too. There is no excuse to drink in the first 100 days if you really want to quit.
As far as long drives, or the first deer hunt, or business trips... Like so many things in life... The anticipation and anxiety building up to the event is almost always worse than the event itself. Nicotine doesn't make you a better driver (if it did I would encourage my wife to smoke...),it won't make you more likely to kill Bambi, and it will keep you from seeing some of the sights of a new city instead of being locked up in a Marriott ninja chewing.
You can do this. One day at a time. Better days are ahead.
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Wow - Thanks Worktowin....you put the alcohol thing in perspective...
So Day 6 was a good day...definitely feeling less severe withdrawal symptoms...which is good, but it also means that the mind games will be more intense now I suspect. I never doubt that I can stop for a few days and fight through the withdrawal...it is the real quit that has beaten me in the past...this time it will be different, I know it. One day at a time and WUPP and all the support I have here...I am absolutely going to win this f*cking quit.
Speaking of support...had a nice chat with my lovely bride about KTC. She thinks it is great, and she has been VERY supportive of me. As someone else said in their intro (I think it was Soccer Jack)...I don't think my wife had any idea how bad my addiction really was and how big a problem I really had/have. It is hard to come clean, but also good...being a lying sack of sh*t to my wife about my addiction has always really bothered me.
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Here are two small anecdotes from Day 6
1) On my way home from a meeting (yes I have meetings on Sat...when you run the business most weekends involve work) I noticed I was getting low on gas....I also had to pee...so I thought I'd swing into the gas station, fill up and pee....and then I thought....Sh*t I don't even want to walk past those f*cking cans of poison, as I do not need some kind of major brain fart / moment of insanity to f*ck up my quit...so I decided to hold it....drive home...take a leak...and buy some f*cking gas tomorrow. Better safe than sorry when you are as weak ass as I am!
2) When I went golfing, I had a momentary panic that i had a hidden can of Skoal in my bag....I did not, but I was relieved when that was confirmed. (I still played like sh*t but that is golf, right?!) Before I took the plunge and posted Day 1 I did go through all of my normal dip hiding spots (Christ there must have been at least 10 of them)...and made sure that they were all empty...but I am pretty f*cking sure I will find an old, half full time somewhere, sometime in the next five months....hopefully (A) it will be old, old dried out sh*t that even an addict would reject and (B) it won't occur at a weak moment...anyway, just stuff of interest to me...
However, even if I find some old poison, I can't take it...because I will not go back on my word AND I have promised several KTC members that I would call/text them before I ever do it again!
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Here are two small anecdotes from Day 6
1) On my way home from a meeting (yes I have meetings on Sat...when you run the business most weekends involve work) I noticed I was getting low on gas....I also had to pee...so I thought I'd swing into the gas station, fill up and pee....and then I thought....Sh*t I don't even want to walk past those f*cking cans of poison, as I do not need some kind of major brain fart / moment of insanity to f*ck up my quit...so I decided to hold it....drive home...take a leak...and buy some f*cking gas tomorrow. Better safe than sorry when you are as weak ass as I am!
2) When I went golfing, I had a momentary panic that i had a hidden can of Skoal in my bag....I did not, but I was relieved when that was confirmed. (I still played like sh*t but that is golf, right?!) Before I took the plunge and posted Day 1 I did go through all of my normal dip hiding spots (Christ there must have been at least 10 of them)...and made sure that they were all empty...but I am pretty f*cking sure I will find an old, half full time somewhere, sometime in the next five months....hopefully (A) it will be old, old dried out sh*t that even an addict would reject and (B) it won't occur at a weak moment...anyway, just stuff of interest to me...
However, even if I find some old poison, I can't take it...because I will not go back on my word AND I have promised several KTC members that I would call/text them before I ever do it again!
I didn't go in a gas station for almost 3 years. Seriously. I was terrified that I would stand there and stare at the cans. You know... if you aren't a tobacco user there is little need to go in there.
Hiding places... yep. I found a can on I think day 500 shoved in a dress shoe. That was one of my hiding spots. Undoubtedly you'll run across one or two. You'll laugh it off and move on. I'm just glad you didn't piss your pants while you were losing at golf....
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Day 7
So a good day, and nice to have a full week under my belt. But there is no getting cocky here at all. I am a 36 year addict with multiple failed non-KTC attempts in my past. I know that the nic bitch is always there and will always be whispering in my ear. I am an addict and there is no f*cking cure. Just ODAAT.
My head is less foggy and I was actually able to get some work done, so that is a positive. So most of the hard withdrawal symptoms are probably in the rear view mirror. But to honest with you, I have always been more worried about the mind games than I was about getting by the suck.
Like most everyone here knows, I spent a huge f*cking amount of time and energy planning my next dip. Example, every time my lovely wife leaves the house to run an errand, in my mind I am saying..."Oh goody, now I can sneak a dip without her seeing me....now where did I hide that can?" So, of course, today when she left I had exactly the same thoughts...of course there is no can around and of course I made my pledge for the day so I really was not in any caver danger. But still, it just goes to show how deep the addict brain in embedded into my psyche at this point.
I am definitely afraid of being out with casual friends or guys I want to impress and having one of them crack out a can or toss me a can...especially after a beer or two...pathetic I know, but there it is. My close friends will know that I quit and hardly any of them abuse nic anyway so that is not the problem. It is that moment when I still want to "look cool or tough" and be "accepted" (and it does not make you look cool or tough and you would think that at my age peer pressure would be a thing of the past), but there you go. I know I have some tools already to address this, and staying away from alcohol for a long while is also key. So maybe it is not even this specific scenario I worry about but something like it that may just pop into my life at a time where I am particularly weak or stupid.
Anyway, fear is probably healthy at this point. And I do hate and fear that evil nic bitch. I am going to stay close to this site that is for f*cking sure.
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Day 7
So a good day, and nice to have a full week under my belt. But there is no getting cocky here at all. I am a 36 year addict with multiple failed non-KTC attempts in my past. I know that the nic bitch is always there and will always be whispering in my ear. I am an addict and there is no f*cking cure. Just ODAAT.
My head is less foggy and I was actually able to get some work done, so that is a positive. So most of the hard withdrawal symptoms are probably in the rear view mirror. But to honest with you, I have always been more worried about the mind games than I was about getting by the suck.
Like most everyone here knows, I spent a huge f*cking amount of time and energy planning my next dip. Example, every time my lovely wife leaves the house to run an errand, in my mind I am saying..."Oh goody, now I can sneak a dip without her seeing me....now where did I hide that can?" So, of course, today when she left I had exactly the same thoughts...of course there is no can around and of course I made my pledge for the day so I really was not in any caver danger. But still, it just goes to show how deep the addict brain in embedded into my psyche at this point.
I am definitely afraid of being out with casual friends or guys I want to impress and having one of them crack out a can or toss me a can...especially after a beer or two...pathetic I know, but there it is. My close friends will know that I quit and hardly any of them abuse nic anyway so that is not the problem. It is that moment when I still want to "look cool or tough" and be "accepted" (and it does not make you look cool or tough and you would think that at my age peer pressure would be a thing of the past), but there you go. I know I have some tools already to address this, and staying away from alcohol for a long while is also key. So maybe it is not even this specific scenario I worry about but something like it that may just pop into my life at a time where I am particularly weak or stupid.
Anyway, fear is probably healthy at this point. And I do hate and fear that evil nic bitch. I am going to stay close to this site that is for f*cking sure.
Wow you posted things that have been going through my head s well. Triggers, hiding places and all of the situations that Snus was a major part of.
Glad to see you are staying strong my December Brother!
I have had to get through a few major trigger scenarios the past few weeks. Personally I kept the alcohol down (drank lots of seltzer with lime) and used the fake stuff to solve the old physical behaviors. The feel of the tin in my pocket, popping the pouch and running my tongue over it and just the physical act of placing one in my upper lip. For me these fakes really really helped. I will say a lot of these scenarios are so linked to muscle memory that these fakes have helped that part of the crave. With these triggers at bay I can better deal with the nic bitch and muscle through it.
Thanks for sharing - stay strong - look for your Roll post in our group tomorrow.
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Thanks Falc!
Yeah the fakes are helping me out big time as well. And I just bought some seltzer water (or some kind of sparkling water stuff) on your suggestion...I think it may help with the oral distraction.
Only hard part is that my gums/inner mouth seem even more torn up from all the sun seeds I have been pounding.
But I agree with what you said, using fakes to deal with the muscle memory and habits that went along with this horrible addiction is definitely helping me isolate the nic bitch and ODAAT keep her at bay.
Proud to have you as my quit Sister and keep it up. You are doing an awesome friggin job!!
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Day 8
Still at work...it is going to be a busy couple of weeks for me work-wise...which will undoubtedly challenge my quit. But I believe I am ready and motivated to deal with it. Plus as long as I WUPP every day and check in as often as I can with KTC, I will stay quit NO F*CKING DOUBT.
Had probably my strongest crave yet today when I went to pull together a report I need for my board meeting next week. I always had a big lip full of the cat sh*t every time I worked on that report....I realize now....and I started to crave so bad I got kinda dizzy....
So I took some advice and did about 20 pushups and then walked at a really fast pace a few laps around the building...felt better...and since I was no where near a can or store I did not even feel the need to text anyone or send out a message...
Also, although the fog is MUCH better, I still feel like I am less sharp than normal. I hope that will not be the case the next few days at work. I am pretty fully vesting in this quit now, and there is now way I am going back on my word or betraying the trust and time so many here have invested in me or turning my back on the love and support my wife has offered. Not when there is a simple solution. Just follow the KTC way....(1) make your daily promise not use Nic first thing in the morning (2) honor your promise (3) repeat
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Day 8
Still at work...it is going to be a busy couple of weeks for me work-wise...which will undoubtedly challenge my quit. But I believe I am ready and motivated to deal with it. Plus as long as I WUPP every day and check in as often as I can with KTC, I will stay quit NO F*CKING DOUBT.
Had probably my strongest crave yet today when I went to pull together a report I need for my board meeting next week. I always had a big lip full of the cat sh*t every time I worked on that report....I realize now....and I started to crave so bad I got kinda dizzy....
So I took some advice and did about 20 pushups and then walked at a really fast pace a few laps around the building...felt better...and since I was no where near a can or store I did not even feel the need to text anyone or send out a message...
Also, although the fog is MUCH better, I still feel like I am less sharp than normal. I hope that will not be the case the next few days at work. I am pretty fully vesting in this quit now, and there is now way I am going back on my word or betraying the trust and time so many here have invested in me or turning my back on the love and support my wife has offered. Not when there is a simple solution. Just follow the KTC way....(1) make your daily promise not use Nic first thing in the morning (2) honor your promise (3) repeat
stoked for this guy^^^^^ you're off to a great start
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This is what kicking the Nic Bitch's ass looks like you damn dirty quitters.
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Wow...some nice feedback from ScottyL, Bulldog and my quit sis Falcon. Thanks...means a lot from BAQs like you all!!
Okay, so I am on Day 10 now....
Pretty excited to be in double digits, but not getting cocky at all. I have a lot I want to write down now, but precious little time. I hope I can come back later today and type out some more of the thoughts that are running around in my head....it is very therapeutic for me absolutely.
Okay so work is going to be extremely stressful over the next 10 days. I am already behind on a bunch of stuff AND I have a board meeting next week to prep for...AND I am staying home the next three work days....my wife is heading out of town, so I will be playing the roll of house dad...fun but stressful in its own right...and when added to the work piling up, it will be a lot. I am trying to focus 100% on my quit, but life does keep rolling. Usually when my wife is gone I dip like f*cking crazy...but I am ready for this one. I have a sh*tload of fake and sun seeds piled up...and I have digits if my addict brain and that nic bitch start playing tricks...and I will spend as much time on KTC as I can (but probably less than the last 9 days)...so I really think I am set.
As an addict I can NEVER let my guard down, but I really do feel a lot better about myself now that I am quit. I am so grateful for this tool and community...it is really, really different than other times I stopped. I see no way I would be able to cave now...but let's take it ODAAT. See you on roll first thing tomorrow morning...BEFORE I drive my son to school!
'oh yeah'
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Wow...some nice feedback from ScottyL, Bulldog and my quit sis Falcon. Thanks...means a lot from BAQs like you all!!
Okay, so I am on Day 10 now....
Pretty excited to be in double digits, but not getting cocky at all. I have a lot I want to write down now, but precious little time. I hope I can come back later today and type out some more of the thoughts that are running around in my head....it is very therapeutic for me absolutely.
Okay so work is going to be extremely stressful over the next 10 days. I am already behind on a bunch of stuff AND I have a board meeting next week to prep for...AND I am staying home the next three work days....my wife is heading out of town, so I will be playing the roll of house dad...fun but stressful in its own right...and when added to the work piling up, it will be a lot. I am trying to focus 100% on my quit, but life does keep rolling. Usually when my wife is gone I dip like f*cking crazy...but I am ready for this one. I have a sh*tload of fake and sun seeds piled up...and I have digits if my addict brain and that nic bitch start playing tricks...and I will spend as much time on KTC as I can (but probably less than the last 9 days)...so I really think I am set.
As an addict I can NEVER let my guard down, but I really do feel a lot better about myself now that I am quit. I am so grateful for this tool and community...it is really, really different than other times I stopped. I see no way I would be able to cave now...but let's take it ODAAT. See you on roll first thing tomorrow morning...BEFORE I drive my son to school!
'oh yeah'
Congrats man, Day 10 is HUGE!!! Keep doing life, and keep up the quit. 'oh yeah'
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Double digits! You're crushing it, 4TheWin!
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I'd have to say that the fake stuff has helped me through like nothing before could have. I agree, I think there is a ton of muscle memory and just plain ole head games that your mind will put you through! To have a physical thing like the fake dip (Smokey Mtn in my case) to use while I deal with my withdrawl is wonderful!! I hope someone that is struggling right now, early in their quit, sees this post and runs out to get some fake stuff. It can make a huge difference! Day 6 for me and I've never felt better!
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Man you are kicking ass and taking names! I just got back from a 7 day family vacation so I'm getting caught up on some KTC......I PM'd you prior to reading this so some may be repeat and looks like you have a ton of support from some Bad Ass M'fers! One thing I'll reiterate here as I also stated in my PM , you have my number so you had better use it when shit gets tough and your addict is acting up! I'm in Wisconsin which isn't that far from Oh*O if I have to drive to come kick your addict's ass! Keep it up buddy! You're doing great!
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Kicking Ass my December Bro!!
I know how the office stress can have the Nic Bitch knocking on your door -- glad to see you are stronger than that and not answering her call. Yes I also took "advantage" and snussed like hell when I was home alone. I worked from home yesterday and used more fakes and chewed more pumpkin seeds then I would have at work -- BUT kept my promise and promised again today.
Stay strong -- Proud to quit with you today!
Your December Sis!
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Two weeks down and still taking it ODAAT.
I could not have gotten this far without the awesome support I have been getting here...and special thanks for Rewire, FLLIPOUT, Strat, Jeff W and Falcon for your recent comments, etc.
I think at this juncture it is important for me to note that in no way do I yet have this addiction under control. It is still a daily battle for me, and I guess it always will be. When I am stressed, I crave a dip. When I am bored, I crave a dip. When I am relieved, I crave a dip. When I am happy I crave. When I am sad I crave. You get the f*cking idea....f*cking pathetic.
I love taking nic off the table first thing every day. That is a really effective tool in the tool bag. Even when I do not have a ton of time to hang out here and even when I do not have time to type out my thoughts here....WUPP is still the first line of defence and I am totally committed there.
Last night, I was feeling almost depressed about quitting. I know it was stupid and it was just my f*cking addict brain playing tricks....but all I could think about was how much I enjoyed a good dip and how sad it was that I could not do this one thing that brought me so much happiness. Fortunately I was tired and there was no nic anywhere near me and there was no chance of a cave. But still...hope f*cking ridiculous those thoughts seem now in the light of the day. The positives of quitting outweigh the negatives (and there really are no long term negatives that make any sense) by a landslide. Just goes to show that the Nic Bitch is not done with me yet, not by a long shot. She will whisper to me when I am weak and test my resolve with lies that somehow make sense to my addict brain.
I love reading all of the positive stories here. Even more, I love being reminded about what addict life was (lying, stealing time from my family, etc.) before I quit.
Two weeks is a good start. When I look in the mirror, I like what I see staring back right now. Thanks to KTC and all of my friends here for the support!
'Finger' the Nic Bitch
Quit on and be excellent! 'oh yeah'
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Two weeks down and still taking it ODAAT.
I could not have gotten this far without the awesome support I have been getting here...and special thanks for Rewire, FLLIPOUT, Strat, Jeff W and Falcon for your recent comments, etc.
I think at this juncture it is important for me to note that in no way do I yet have this addiction under control. It is still a daily battle for me, and I guess it always will be. When I am stressed, I crave a dip. When I am bored, I crave a dip. When I am relieved, I crave a dip. When I am happy I crave. When I am sad I crave. You get the f*cking idea....f*cking pathetic.
I love taking nic off the table first thing every day. That is a really effective tool in the tool bag. Even when I do not have a ton of time to hang out here and even when I do not have time to type out my thoughts here....WUPP is still the first line of defence and I am totally committed there.
Last night, I was feeling almost depressed about quitting. I know it was stupid and it was just my f*cking addict brain playing tricks....but all I could think about was how much I enjoyed a good dip and how sad it was that I could not do this one thing that brought me so much happiness. Fortunately I was tired and there was no nic anywhere near me and there was no chance of a cave. But still...hope f*cking ridiculous those thoughts seem now in the light of the day. The positives of quitting outweigh the negatives (and there really are no long term negatives that make any sense) by a landslide. Just goes to show that the Nic Bitch is not done with me yet, not by a long shot. She will whisper to me when I am weak and test my resolve with lies that somehow make sense to my addict brain.
I love reading all of the positive stories here. Even more, I love being reminded about what addict life was (lying, stealing time from my family, etc.) before I quit.
Two weeks is a good start. When I look in the mirror, I like what I see staring back right now. Thanks to KTC and all of my friends here for the support!
'Finger' the Nic Bitch
Quit on and be excellent! 'oh yeah'
Hang in there buddy it's about to get a little bit better. I still have bouts of anxiety, longing, etc...Nice thing is they aren't near as bad as day 14, and they aren't near as frequent! We did this shit to ourselves. Embrace the Suck! For we never want to do the shittiest part again! I don't know if you have swapped numbers with people yet but texting fellow quitters about random shit always helps me through those times. You've got mine in your inbox.....use em. Get you some quit! cowboy
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Never get to a point where you let resentment build anywhere near your quit. The early stages of quitting causes your brain to go haywire. During this time, keep close to this site, have a bunch of your quit brothers' digits in your phone, file numerous "float plans" with your quit brothers if you're traveling or ranging outside your element, go to the gym, avoid alcohol, and be ever mindful of any activity that dip used to be part of. Don't worry, it gets easier but as it does you cannot let your guard down for a minute and think you're cured or no longer need the brotherhood and accountability that this place offers. That my friend is the complacency trap...don't become a victim of it.
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Thanks Jeff I definitely have your digits and you are on my short list of people I will reach out to if (probably when) I need some help....plus I like that you promised to come kick my @ss in person - thanks!!
Bazook - I appreciate the perspective....it is very helpful!
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Thanks Jeff I definitely have your digits and you are on my short list of people I will reach out to if (probably when) I need some help....plus I like that you promised to come kick my @ss in person - thanks!!
Bazook - I appreciate the perspective....it is very helpful!
Accountability is a two way street. You need to invest in others like they invest in you.
Just because you have someones digits doesnt mean you will use them come the time. The only way is by using them, making the screen name real.
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/~*%@*$$$!!!!!
You are right, of course, Candoit....I guess I just need (A) a kick in the ass (so thanks) and (B) time. Upon reading your post I immediately sent positive, encouraging messages to the 4 people (2 DEC and 2 Vets) I am regularly texting with....and I will start to widen my circle over the coming days, weeks, months and years.
I get it about accountability and investment. I will keep working on it. Thanks!
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/~*%@*$$$!!!!!
You are right, of course, Candoit....I guess I just need (A) a kick in the ass (so thanks) and (B) time. Upon reading your post I immediately sent positive, encouraging messages to the 4 people (2 DEC and 2 Vets) I am regularly texting with....and I will start to widen my circle over the coming days, weeks, months and years.
I get it about accountability and investment. I will keep working on it. Thanks!
You got this brother. Hang in there. It does get easier but it's gonna suck for a bit. Never ever forget just how shitty this is right now because all it takes is one little bit of nicotine and you have to go through it all again. You need to make your quit the most important thing in your life for a period of time. that period is different for each person, but a wise man will know how long that is for himself. Right now, all you need to care about is quitting. The ones that truly care about you will understand that that is what needs to happen.
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FISHFL - Thanks very much for the support, etc. Anyone from the 5th floor that takes some time to comment on my stupid f*cking intro is a true all star quit vet...and by the way I thought your HOF speech was really and truly kick @ss!
I have been increasing my off-site outreach a little each day. Have a lot of digits now and send at least a few texts every day...probably not as much as some, but working on it....and last night I spent about 90 minutes texting to a DEC 17 quit brother who said he was having a shitty day...
Even though I am less than 20 days into this, I appreciate and share (to the extent I can) the passion you vets feel for this community. It is life saving sh*t and there is no way I could do this without the support I am getting.
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Day 19 Update: Okay so I guess I am hanging in there. I still have long spells where my brain feels really foggy and I cannot get focused. The cravings are not too bad, but I am not sleeping well and I "miss" the f*cking nic, which is a sorry thing to have to say. I have been super busy at work too, which does not help. What was it someone said...when you quit the rest of the world does not quit with you. There were a number of days this past week where I wanted nothing more than to come on line and type about how I am feeling, etc....but I just have not had the time. Too bad, as I think some more time here would have helped my mood.
So, I have also been having some difficulties playing nice with others (namely my wife). I am trying really hard to stay on an even keel with people at work. I don't need to blow anyone up because I am fighting with the nic bitch. My wife, on the other hand, seems fair game. And in my current mental state it seems that I cannot tell if she deserves the cold treatment or if I am over-reacting because I am having a bad quit day. As I mentioned she has been pretty supportive in general. I guess I should apologize and try to be nice...it is just that she pissed me off about a few things, that's all.
Sooooo...I also had my required annual physical yesterday. Doc was very happy I have quit. Unfortunately, I also seem to have some issues with my heart. At age 51, that is not good news. Will have to modify a few things in terms of lifestyle. Looks like I picked the wrong time to give up (A) coffee and (B) any food worth eating and (C) drinking.....Aw well, perhaps it is time for me to fully clean up my act. Now in the old days I might have used the excuse of a health scare to say f*ck it and start dipping again....but that was before KTC. I have done lots of really reprehensible things in life, but I have always tried to be a man of my word. That is why the concept of this site is so f*cking brilliant. WUPP....accountability...daily ODAAT. It is really powerful and I feel no desire to quit my quit. At least the doc did not see any signs of mouth or throat cancer.
Stay strong and quit on and thank God for KTC!
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Day 19 Update: Okay so I guess I am hanging in there. I still have long spells where my brain feels really foggy and I cannot get focused. The cravings are not too bad, but I am not sleeping well and I "miss" the f*cking nic, which is a sorry thing to have to say. I have been super busy at work too, which does not help. What was it someone said...when you quit the rest of the world does not quit with you. There were a number of days this past week where I wanted nothing more than to come on line and type about how I am feeling, etc....but I just have not had the time. Too bad, as I think some more time here would have helped my mood.
So, I have also been having some difficulties playing nice with others (namely my wife). I am trying really hard to stay on an even keel with people at work. I don't need to blow anyone up because I am fighting with the nic bitch. My wife, on the other hand, seems fair game. And in my current mental state it seems that I cannot tell if she deserves the cold treatment or if I am over-reacting because I am having a bad quit day. As I mentioned she has been pretty supportive in general. I guess I should apologize and try to be nice...it is just that she pissed me off about a few things, that's all.
Sooooo...I also had my required annual physical yesterday. Doc was very happy I have quit. Unfortunately, I also seem to have some issues with my heart. At age 51, that is not good news. Will have to modify a few things in terms of lifestyle. Looks like I picked the wrong time to give up (A) coffee and (B) any food worth eating and (C) drinking.....Aw well, perhaps it is time for me to fully clean up my act. Now in the old days I might have used the excuse of a health scare to say f*ck it and start dipping again....but that was before KTC. I have done lots of really reprehensible things in life, but I have always tried to be a man of my word. That is why the concept of this site is so f*cking brilliant. WUPP....accountability...daily ODAAT. It is really powerful and I feel no desire to quit my quit. At least the doc did not see any signs of mouth or throat cancer.
Stay strong and quit on and thank God for KTC!
When you really quit, not go through the motions, you realize that quitting isn't about removing something from your life. When you quit it is about changing all of you, for the better. The long term is never easy it is overwhelming, that's why it is always ODAAT.
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Day 19 Update: Okay so I guess I am hanging in there. I still have long spells where my brain feels really foggy and I cannot get focused. The cravings are not too bad, but I am not sleeping well and I "miss" the f*cking nic, which is a sorry thing to have to say. I have been super busy at work too, which does not help. What was it someone said...when you quit the rest of the world does not quit with you. There were a number of days this past week where I wanted nothing more than to come on line and type about how I am feeling, etc....but I just have not had the time. Too bad, as I think some more time here would have helped my mood.
So, I have also been having some difficulties playing nice with others (namely my wife). I am trying really hard to stay on an even keel with people at work. I don't need to blow anyone up because I am fighting with the nic bitch. My wife, on the other hand, seems fair game. And in my current mental state it seems that I cannot tell if she deserves the cold treatment or if I am over-reacting because I am having a bad quit day. As I mentioned she has been pretty supportive in general. I guess I should apologize and try to be nice...it is just that she pissed me off about a few things, that's all.
Sooooo...I also had my required annual physical yesterday. Doc was very happy I have quit. Unfortunately, I also seem to have some issues with my heart. At age 51, that is not good news. Will have to modify a few things in terms of lifestyle. Looks like I picked the wrong time to give up (A) coffee and (B) any food worth eating and (C) drinking.....Aw well, perhaps it is time for me to fully clean up my act. Now in the old days I might have used the excuse of a health scare to say f*ck it and start dipping again....but that was before KTC. I have done lots of really reprehensible things in life, but I have always tried to be a man of my word. That is why the concept of this site is so f*cking brilliant. WUPP....accountability...daily ODAAT. It is really powerful and I feel no desire to quit my quit. At least the doc did not see any signs of mouth or throat cancer.
Stay strong and quit on and thank God for KTC!
I know you are sick of hearing this but hang in there. You're about to pull out of the fog in due time. You've done a very good job getting to the boards and talking it out. DO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON YOUR WIFE! Text me and bitch / vent / rage if you can't get on KTC. Being an executive I'm pretty sure you have your cell phone glued to your hand use it! I hear FF will send d*ck pics if you ask! 'facepalm'' . We've all been shitty in our lives but quitting is about cleaning that mess up ODAAT! QLF w/you Today!
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You got this man. Day 19 is fucking awesome! To or tow is day 20! Badass!
Think about how long you chewed this shit for. I can't remember who said it but the gist of it was...why do you think this addiction is going to be over in three days? If you take a boat straight out for 8 hours...it's gonna be an 8 hour ride back. That always hit me. I chewed for 23 years. I've only been clean for 4. That's not even 25% of the way back in.
Stay strong buddy. You got this.
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All of these responses are spot on. Where you are is a tough spot on the calendar. YouÂ’ve been fighting a battle that takes a lot of energy. You are tired. The reward (freedom) isnÂ’t yet apparent. Dude, one day at a time... one day at a time... one day at a time.
The fog is straight up bullshit. But it will pass. It is a sign, and a reminder, of what you let nicotine do to you for years. It is a sign that you are healing. Your brain is rewiring. Do not ever forget what these days feel like. Part of the reason I post every day is to remind myself that I donÂ’t ever want to relive what you are feeling right now. Have faith. One foot in front of the other. Post roll and keep your word. Greatness is ahead.
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Wow...Candoit, Jeff, Bulldog and Worktowin...what can I say...once again, you guys come through! Your comments are immensely helpful. Great mix of humor, reassurance and motivation. Knowing that I have you all on my side makes a huge f*cking difference.
I am having a better day today, but it is strictly ODAAT for this addict. I am proud to quit with you all today and many thanks!
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How's life in the 20's treating you???
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How's life in the 20's treating you???
He's crushing it, W2W!
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Hey Work to Win and FLLIP and anyone else who reads this!
I am hanging in there just fine. In fact 4 weeks today!! Feeling pretty good about it too...and that probably means I need to be extra careful and keep on top of things ODAAT!!!
I have been super, crazy busy at work, and that is likely to continue for a few weeks. Will not interfere with WUPP responsibilities, but will probably cut down on my overall participation on the site. I actually really miss the time I spent "hangning" out on KTC, writing stuff in my intro, exchanging messages with y'all and stiring up stuff with the Decemberists. I will get back to spending more time on the site I am sure.
Oh, one other note of interest and annoyance....the IT system at work now has KTC flagged as a blocked website (at least the on-line community part where the quit groups and this page are kept). This means I cannot hide out at work and hang on KTC....I view this as a mixed blessing. First, it does make it a little trickier to post every day, so I guess I am going to have to get good at using my stupid phone to post roll. Second, it will probably make me get back to work, which is needed. Third, it forced me to figure out the PC that the rest of the family uses at home to type out longer messages like this one.
As the head of my company I could certainly go to my IT director and tell him to unblock the site...but how would that look for an ol' ninja dipper like me!! I don't know which would be worse, being outed as a Nic fiend or being outed as someone who spends time hanging out on a non-work related on-line community!?!
Anyway, trust me that I will get back to KTC right away and any time I need the support, plus I have plenty of digits now and am not afraid to use them, plus (as I said) I ABSOLUTELY WILL be making my pledge every day!
Quit on y'all and be excellent!!!!
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Where there is a will, there is most certainly a way! Keep posting your +1s, and you will find a way to get on the boards.
It is guys like you, 4TW, who help invigorate older quits, like mine! So thanks and keep up the amazing quit!
You have my digits if you need anything!
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Thanks FLLIP! I am in this thing to win it....and although I will always be an addict, there is no way I am letting nic control my life, ever again!!
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To anyone nice enough to read the sh*t I write here...I posted the following on the Dec 2017 page earlier today
Hey everyone - I really and truly appreciate all the support I have received. My quit is going strong, but I am taking NOTHING for granted. I remain 100% committed to what you all have taught me.
I have been a little less active on the site for the past few days due to some serious work and travel related sh*t. This will likely continue for a couple of weeks. I think I have read every page, but I just do not have the time or the keyboard available to type replies, offer comments and lend support as much as I would like. I promise to post role every day, read every page and keep up with as much of what goes on here as possible.
Also, I just want you all to know that, as I have been reading each night on my phone, I have laughed out loud more than once and been amazed/inspired by too many of you to count. What you are doing here has made a huge difference in my life, and you all are awesome!
Quit on, be excellent and I will be happier when I have a little more time to "hang out" here with you BAQs and trade insults, stories, bust balls, etc.
Best, 4TheWin
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Okay, so peace out for now....and trust me when I say that if I get a chance to write anything here in the intro I will!!
I have been reading so much at KTC I have tons of thoughts I really want to get down before they run out of my mind....plus I want to talk about the state of my friggin quit after 30 days....plus I feel like I should maybe talk a little bit more about who I am and what I stand for (just cause I want to)
To anyone reading this...thanks! I consider all of you my friends. And if any of you need my help, I will drop what I am doing no matter where I am and do my level best to help....so call / text / pm or whatever if you feel the need.
Proud to quit with you! 4TW 'oh yeah'
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Okay, so peace out for now....and trust me when I say that if I get a chance to write anything here in the intro I will!!
I have been reading so much at KTC I have tons of thoughts I really want to get down before they run out of my mind....plus I want to talk about the state of my friggin quit after 30 days....plus I feel like I should maybe talk a little bit more about who I am and what I stand for (just cause I want to)
To anyone reading this...thanks! I consider all of you my friends. And if any of you need my help, I will drop what I am doing no matter where I am and do my level best to help....so call / text / pm or whatever if you feel the need.
Proud to quit with you! 4TW 'oh yeah'
Quit with you brother.
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Okay, so peace out for now....and trust me when I say that if I get a chance to write anything here in the intro I will!!
I have been reading so much at KTC I have tons of thoughts I really want to get down before they run out of my mind....plus I want to talk about the state of my friggin quit after 30 days....plus I feel like I should maybe talk a little bit more about who I am and what I stand for (just cause I want to)
To anyone reading this...thanks! I consider all of you my friends. And if any of you need my help, I will drop what I am doing no matter where I am and do my level best to help....so call / text / pm or whatever if you feel the need.
Proud to quit with you! 4TW 'oh yeah'
Quit with you brother.
Ditto, this dude gets it. Keep it up 4thewin, if you need anything it goes both ways.
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Okay - I have time and a keyboard, so I want to get one thought down on Day 33 (Rolling Rock Day!).
I read on some else's intro (a caver who is now a pretty die hard vet) that they reason he caved after around 80 days (I think) was....BOREDOM.
The funny thing for me is that this observation REALLY RESONATES. I remember that feeling from at least one of my own (pre-KTC) failed quits. I also remember that it was not early in the quit, but that it came after a month or two.
I am not sure if this sounds crazy to others or if y'all have had similar feelings? As I type this now, it sounds soooo f*cking stupid. However, it is a reminder that the nic b*tch is not done messing with my head, and I absolutely must stay vigilant and close to KTC. As a 36 year addict, I would be an absolute idiot if I allowed myself to become complacent with my quit or if I stopped investing regularly in my quit.
Boredom....or feeling like ah what the h*ll having a dip will spice things up in my otherwise dull world and I like what dip says about me, that I am cool and adventurous...and without that dip I am just that much more of a boring dude and everything in life is boring so why not have a dip....I think this all goes together and I think it led me to some major caves. May sound stupid now...and maybe I don't have the whole thing adequately captured, but this is a warning to myself....DO NOT GET COMPLACENT!
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Okay - I have time and a keyboard, so I want to get one thought down on Day 33 (Rolling Rock Day!).
I read on some else's intro (a caver who is now a pretty die hard vet) that they reason he caved after around 80 days (I think) was....BOREDOM.
The funny thing for me is that this observation REALLY RESONATES. I remember that feeling from at least one of my own (pre-KTC) failed quits. I also remember that it was not early in the quit, but that it came after a month or two.
I am not sure if this sounds crazy to others or if y'all have had similar feelings? As I type this now, it sounds soooo f*cking stupid. However, it is a reminder that the nic b*tch is not done messing with my head, and I absolutely must stay vigilant and close to KTC. As a 36 year addict, I would be an absolute idiot if I allowed myself to become complacent with my quit or if I stopped investing regularly in my quit.
Boredom....or feeling like ah what the h*ll having a dip will spice things up in my otherwise dull world and I like what dip says about me, that I am cool and adventurous...and without that dip I am just that much more of a boring dude and everything in life is boring so why not have a dip....I think this all goes together and I think it led me to some major caves. May sound stupid now...and maybe I don't have the whole thing adequately captured, but this is a warning to myself....DO NOT GET COMPLACENT!
I went through exactly that...boredom/complacency post HOF....it wasn't as hard as the first couple weeks, but it was definitely tough. Getting active with new quitters and new groups is how I fought it. Good job writing this down! You're kicking ass brother!
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Okay - I have time and a keyboard, so I want to get one thought down on Day 33 (Rolling Rock Day!).
I read on some else's intro (a caver who is now a pretty die hard vet) that they reason he caved after around 80 days (I think) was....BOREDOM.
The funny thing for me is that this observation REALLY RESONATES. I remember that feeling from at least one of my own (pre-KTC) failed quits. I also remember that it was not early in the quit, but that it came after a month or two.
I am not sure if this sounds crazy to others or if y'all have had similar feelings? As I type this now, it sounds soooo f*cking stupid. However, it is a reminder that the nic b*tch is not done messing with my head, and I absolutely must stay vigilant and close to KTC. As a 36 year addict, I would be an absolute idiot if I allowed myself to become complacent with my quit or if I stopped investing regularly in my quit.
Boredom....or feeling like ah what the h*ll having a dip will spice things up in my otherwise dull world and I like what dip says about me, that I am cool and adventurous...and without that dip I am just that much more of a boring dude and everything in life is boring so why not have a dip....I think this all goes together and I think it led me to some major caves. May sound stupid now...and maybe I don't have the whole thing adequately captured, but this is a warning to myself....DO NOT GET COMPLACENT!
Read my intro, I think day 72 or so.... same thing except you put it more eloquently than I did then.
Remember this..... life is better without Chew. It really is!
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Okay - I have time and a keyboard, so I want to get one thought down on Day 33 (Rolling Rock Day!).
I read on some else's intro (a caver who is now a pretty die hard vet) that they reason he caved after around 80 days (I think) was....BOREDOM.
The funny thing for me is that this observation REALLY RESONATES. I remember that feeling from at least one of my own (pre-KTC) failed quits. I also remember that it was not early in the quit, but that it came after a month or two.
I am not sure if this sounds crazy to others or if y'all have had similar feelings? As I type this now, it sounds soooo f*cking stupid. However, it is a reminder that the nic b*tch is not done messing with my head, and I absolutely must stay vigilant and close to KTC. As a 36 year addict, I would be an absolute idiot if I allowed myself to become complacent with my quit or if I stopped investing regularly in my quit.
Boredom....or feeling like ah what the h*ll having a dip will spice things up in my otherwise dull world and I like what dip says about me, that I am cool and adventurous...and without that dip I am just that much more of a boring dude and everything in life is boring so why not have a dip....I think this all goes together and I think it led me to some major caves. May sound stupid now...and maybe I don't have the whole thing adequately captured, but this is a warning to myself....DO NOT GET COMPLACENT!
Just keep reminding yourself that it is all one horrible lie, 4TW. Nicotine does not alleviate boredom. It only fills the voids it creates.
Your quit is going great, 4TW!!
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I like the fact that you have 34 days and five pages in your intro already. That shows you have done your homework and know how this place works. Keep writing about your Quit even if itÂ’s just incoherent stream of consciousness drivel from a foggy mind because itÂ’s classic quit gold. Sooner or later another young quitterÂ’s going to read what you wrote and cause something to click into place in his/her mind thus repeating the cycle.
Keep writing and keep quitting, youÂ’re doing a great job.
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Good morning. Great f*cking day to be quit with you all. Day 37 here, nothing special. ODAAT.
Have been super busy at work these days, but still spend a ton of time reading KTC stuff just about every night. I find that reading about nic addiction and others who have walked this same path to be extremely helpful in many, many ways. I like both the good stories and the bad ones, as there are excellent lessons to be had from both. I wish I had more time to be a leader for our little DEC 17 group. We have some real cool folks and some bonifide impressive BAQs for sure (staying quit through a Cat 4 hurricane, staying quit when your kid gets diagnosed with cancer now that is some bad ass stuff). However, I have neither the tech savvy nor the spare minutes to assist with group maintenance. I do try my best to offer encouragement to our little band of Decemberists anytime it seems someone is down or when someone hits a milestone. I have about 4 or 5 regular or semi-regular text buddies (and many more digits in reserve). I post support regularly on a few other groups (but should probably do more), and I try to write a little in my intro from time to time. So I am trying to follow the plan...oh and most important I believe I have 100% WUPP attendance since I joined (from at least two different countried and five different states!).
Jeff and FLLIP, thanks as always for your support. You guys have invested a ton in me since like day one, and I really appreciate it!
DonkeyMN - I have now read your entire Intro a couple of times....and it is one of my favorites...however thanks for the reminder to read that section again...it was helpful and in general I have to say that reading things more than once on KTC is never a bad idea....as my powers of retention are not always perfectly sharp while I am here.
Bazooka Joe - you seem like a particularly sage quit Vet. I am really glad to get some affirmation that continuing to write about my quit is important and that it is okay (at least by your terms) for me to just come and pour out my thoughts here, even if it is pretty much drivel most of the time. Thank you, man. I was thinking that I should wind this down at some point soon, but with your encouragement I will keep writing here, as I do like it.
Anyway I hope you all have a great Nic-free day! Your support has made a huge difference to me and may have literally saved my life! Back to work now! 'oh yeah'
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ItÂ’s awesome to see you holding so strong to your Quit. Love your intro and the message me youÂ’re sending. Stick to the plan. DonÂ’t forget she wants you dead. Keep writing. Down the road youÂ’re going to pull it up and read your own intro and itÂ’s going to floor you. Best thing I did was documenting that first three months. On top of that what you may not realize is you do two things...you re-invigorate the older guys. Your enthusiasm is contagious. Second you become exactly what others are to you. When you read those intros and they shine a light for you or help you get thru a rough patch...some other newbie is going to read your intro and say...damn this guy is me!!! Stay strong brother. That Nic Bitch is a predator. She wants wants you alone and without the rest of the herd. Making that promise on here every day keeps you smack dab in the middle of the herd where she canÂ’t pick you off. Awesome seeing you do so well.
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ItÂ’s awesome to see you holding so strong to your Quit. Love your intro and the message me youÂ’re sending. Stick to the plan. DonÂ’t forget she wants you dead. Keep writing. Down the road youÂ’re going to pull it up and read your own intro and itÂ’s going to floor you. Best thing I did was documenting that first three months. On top of that what you may not realize is you do two things...you re-invigorate the older guys. Your enthusiasm is contagious. Second you become exactly what others are to you. When you read those intros and they shine a light for you or help you get thru a rough patch...some other newbie is going to read your intro and say...damn this guy is me!!! Stay strong brother. That Nic Bitch is a predator. She wants wants you alone and without the rest of the herd. Making that promise on here every day keeps you smack dab in the middle of the herd where she canÂ’t pick you off. Awesome seeing you do so well.
I echo this! You keep thanking me and I appreciate but you have helped and strengthened my quit as well! Love when fresh quit gets it! Complacency kills many a quit and its guys like you that help pull us "vets" out of that cycle! So THANK YOU! Get you some quit! 'biggun'
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Good morning. Great f*cking day to be quit with you all. Day 37 here, nothing special. ODAAT.
Have been super busy at work these days, but still spend a ton of time reading KTC stuff just about every night. I find that reading about nic addiction and others who have walked this same path to be extremely helpful in many, many ways. I like both the good stories and the bad ones, as there are excellent lessons to be had from both. I wish I had more time to be a leader for our little DEC 17 group. We have some real cool folks and some bonifide impressive BAQs for sure (staying quit through a Cat 4 hurricane, staying quit when your kid gets diagnosed with cancer now that is some bad ass stuff). However, I have neither the tech savvy nor the spare minutes to assist with group maintenance. I do try my best to offer encouragement to our little band of Decemberists anytime it seems someone is down or when someone hits a milestone. I have about 4 or 5 regular or semi-regular text buddies (and many more digits in reserve). I post support regularly on a few other groups (but should probably do more), and I try to write a little in my intro from time to time. So I am trying to follow the plan...oh and most important I believe I have 100% WUPP attendance since I joined (from at least two different countried and five different states!).
Jeff and FLLIP, thanks as always for your support. You guys have invested a ton in me since like day one, and I really appreciate it!
DonkeyMN - I have now read your entire Intro a couple of times....and it is one of my favorites...however thanks for the reminder to read that section again...it was helpful and in general I have to say that reading things more than once on KTC is never a bad idea....as my powers of retention are not always perfectly sharp while I am here.
Bazooka Joe - you seem like a particularly sage quit Vet. I am really glad to get some affirmation that continuing to write about my quit is important and that it is okay (at least by your terms) for me to just come and pour out my thoughts here, even if it is pretty much drivel most of the time. Thank you, man. I was thinking that I should wind this down at some point soon, but with your encouragement I will keep writing here, as I do like it.
Anyway I hope you all have a great Nic-free day! Your support has made a huge difference to me and may have literally saved my life! Back to work now! 'oh yeah'
Dude you are ROCKING this!
I truly appreciate every time you reach out to me -- check up on me and the virtual high fives on milestones. Quitting with you by my side has made it OK -- every friggin hard day. When I post every morning I always check to see who has already made their promise -- and think of them when I make mine. Seeing your name above mine does give me the extra kick in my butt when the Nic Bitch comes knocking.
Thank you -- Thank you -- for posting the How HARD this is. The days you have struggles and how you have to tough it out. I could not do this if everything thing I read was how easy peasy everyone was finding this. There are days when I am really down and feel I am the only one getting a visit from the Nic Bitch -- I read your posts and see we are all suffering her wraith.
Stay Strong Brother -- I proudly quit with you today!
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Well halfway to the Hall today, so I thought I should write something here. For whatever reason I have not felt much like writing in my Intro lately...but I have still been reading a ton at KTC all the time, which is good.
I am feeling good about my quit and quite good about the support network here.
As for the rest, who knows. Life continues on. I believe that my mind and body are healed from the poison I was ingesting, but of course I will never be cured from this terrible addiction. Sadly, I still kind of miss the "habit" side of dip. Sneaking off for a few minutes on my own...and relaxing and doing something that was "just for me." I realize now how terrible this sounds, and I do understand how destructive this behavior has been (and that it could and still might kill me). Still I would be lying if I did not acknowledge these feelings. They are no way near strong enough to pull me back, but they are scary and a reminder that I absolutely need to WUPP and stay on KTC...and I probably always will. Fifty days is nothing when you have been using for 36 years!
And then there is the Nic Bitch. (Hate to be so sexist, but this is the perfect name/description of this mental aspect of nic addiction, IMO!) She still comes around all the f*cking time and whispers in my ear. Like.....
My wife heading out of town to visit relatives for two days....and there is the Nic Bitch saying, oh good, now you can sneak a reward can while she is gone, just one, you deserve it, it won't hurt anyone or anything, go ahead and then everything will be sooo much better.....
Or, working super hard to get some stuff done at work and there is the Nic Bitch saying, oh just go grab a can....it will help you power through this stuff and keep you awake...once you are done with project {fill in the blank} this weekend you can stop again, it is easy, it will help you and help your work and help you get done with work sooner, so come on, just this once...
Evil, pure evil. And I don't think I can fight her on my own...and Thank God that with this community I do not have to!
Right now forever seems like a long time to fight this fight and 100 days seems like a long way off. That is why we will do it ODAAT. I quit for today and am proud to quit with every KTC quitter, especially all of those who have taken the time to mentor me and offer support along the way.
Quit on and be excellent!
HEY NICOTINE 'Finger' 'Finger' 'Finger'
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'party' Congratulations on Half a Hall 4TW! 'party' You are crushing it!
473 days and I still get those thoughts from time to time. Pretty scary that over a year later and the Nic bitch is still trying to lure me back. All the more reason to never go back to something that horrible!
Quit on!
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Thanks FLLIPOUT...love those emojis too. Not sure how you can get those special ones but I appreciate them and you!
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Wow - 13 days between entries on my Intro....this is a reflection of how busy I have been at work and not my level of interest in all things KTC.
Day 63 now and all is well. I keep expecting to hit the wall or some kind of lull, but it has not really happened. Perhaps I am too busy right now to even notice if I am in a quit funk? At any rate, all is well with quit-world. Still getting fog, but seems less and less and right now I cannot even really tell if it is nic related or just general stress, fatigue and lack of sleep stuff. Of course I still get the nic b*tch whispering in my ear...but have not even really seriously been tempted to listen to her. Went inside gas stations a couple of times...even some of my old dip buying regulars without any dangers (I was not trying to temp fate...I either really needed some water/gum or I really needed to pee). I have cut down on my use of Smokey Mountain to almost nothing. I just don't want it enough to reach for it. But I do have three emergency cans of Smokey ready at all times (work, car, home). I am still using sun seeds quite a bit when I feel the urge to have something in my mouth.
More later today I hope...right now I have to help my youngest with some Algebra problems...yippee....at least it ain't calculus...last time I tried to help on calc I embarassed myself. It is amazing what we forget!
Quit on and be excellent!!
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Wow - 13 days between entries on my Intro....this is a reflection of how busy I have been at work and not my level of interest in all things KTC.
Day 63 now and all is well. I keep expecting to hit the wall or some kind of lull, but it has not really happened. Perhaps I am too busy right now to even notice if I am in a quit funk? At any rate, all is well with quit-world. Still getting fog, but seems less and less and right now I cannot even really tell if it is nic related or just general stress, fatigue and lack of sleep stuff. Of course I still get the nic b*tch whispering in my ear...but have not even really seriously been tempted to listen to her. Went inside gas stations a couple of times...even some of my old dip buying regulars without any dangers (I was not trying to temp fate...I either really needed some water/gum or I really needed to pee). I have cut down on my use of Smokey Mountain to almost nothing. I just don't want it enough to reach for it. But I do have three emergency cans of Smokey ready at all times (work, car, home). I am still using sun seeds quite a bit when I feel the urge to have something in my mouth.
More later today I hope...right now I have to help my youngest with some Algebra problems...yippee....at least it ain't calculus...last time I tried to help on calc I embarassed myself. It is amazing what we forget!
Quit on and be excellent!!
Staying busy is an excellent way to keep your mind off of nic. It simply cannot be a big distraction if you don't let it. However, from time to time having some reflection of how your life has changed and how you are feeling at THIS MOMENT is healthy, I think. Your intro is a great way to do that - so keep it up.
You are winning, ODAAT. Remember it is a marathon, not a sprint and you are doing great!
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Posted this in the Dec 2017 page today....thought I would include it here...to make sure my friends see it...would love your comments (especially FLLIP)...what say y'all?
Okay, so I am feeling very pissed off today....mostly for no good reason....but I thought I would post something here rather than destroy any more expensive telecommunications equipment. I also want to stir up some sh*t and think it is better done today than tomorrow when the train arrives.
Here is my question to the vets/mods/powers that be....why can I not have a cigar once or twice a year? Okay, there, I said it...now go ahead and jump all over me.
Last week I was at a setting where several of the boys were smokin a stogie and I have to say...I was tempted. Then I remembered my pledge (No Nic in any form) to this f*cking place and there was no way I was going back on my word, so I moved on. Still had a fun night too.
But it did make me think....I dipped for 36 years and over that entire time I also smoked one or two cigars a year...almost always at some big event (grad, wedding, birth, reunion, cruise, vacation with the boys, etc.)...and I can say that I never found tobacco / nicotine addictive from that particular delivery system. In fact, I really do not even like stogies that much, I just like the bond that comes from having a cigar on those big occasions. I see virtually no risk that having a cigar when I go golfing with my old college roomates next May is going to lead me back to the can. So, please tell me why I must include all nic in my promise not to use.
I realize that smoking is a huge problem for some (maybe many) who hang on this site, but if I want one cigar a year and can handle it, do I really have to leave here and be banished forever? (In all seriousness I am such a huge skoal addict that I will keep coming here forever even if it does mean that I can never have a cigar again...but I want to get this off my chest and deal with it because I know it is going to come up for me shortly).
Ready, set....attack! 'bang head' 'Crazy' 'na na'
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Posted this in the Dec 2017 page today....thought I would include it here...to make sure my friends see it...would love your comments (especially FLLIP)...what say y'all?
Okay, so I am feeling very pissed off today....mostly for no good reason....but I thought I would post something here rather than destroy any more expensive telecommunications equipment. I also want to stir up some sh*t and think it is better done today than tomorrow when the train arrives.
Here is my question to the vets/mods/powers that be....why can I not have a cigar once or twice a year? Okay, there, I said it...now go ahead and jump all over me.
Last week I was at a setting where several of the boys were smokin a stogie and I have to say...I was tempted. Then I remembered my pledge (No Nic in any form) to this f*cking place and there was no way I was going back on my word, so I moved on. Still had a fun night too.
But it did make me think....I dipped for 36 years and over that entire time I also smoked one or two cigars a year...almost always at some big event (grad, wedding, birth, reunion, cruise, vacation with the boys, etc.)...and I can say that I never found tobacco / nicotine addictive from that particular delivery system. In fact, I really do not even like stogies that much, I just like the bond that comes from having a cigar on those big occasions. I see virtually no risk that having a cigar when I go golfing with my old college roomates next May is going to lead me back to the can. So, please tell me why I must include all nic in my promise not to use.
I realize that smoking is a huge problem for some (maybe many) who hang on this site, but if I want one cigar a year and can handle it, do I really have to leave here and be banished forever? (In all seriousness I am such a huge skoal addict that I will keep coming here forever even if it does mean that I can never have a cigar again...but I want to get this off my chest and deal with it because I know it is going to come up for me shortly).
Ready, set....attack! 'bang head' 'Crazy' 'na na'
4thewin, what you are feeling is pretty normal. I would say this question gets asked about the cigar more than any other delivery system. "It is just a social thing, it wouldn't make any difference"....
Maybe it would. Maybe it wouldn't.... but the critical point is, you gave your word here, that you would have no forms of nicotine. Why? Because like any other addiction, (alcohol, meth, heroin, cocaine) - once you open that door, just a sliver - just a little crack.... you start making other excuses.
--Two weeks later
"Well, that one cigar didn't make a difference, so maybe a quick cigarette when I am drunk"
--Two weeks later
"Well that cigarette didn't make a difference, so I can bum a dip off my buddy"
--One week later
"Ah, yeah.... 2 lottery tickets, a beef jerky and..... a can of Skoal Mint please"
Fuck that shit. Make your word, keep your word. Take it off the table completely... why take that chance? Will smoking a cigar with your buddies change your life for the better? Fuck No. You said you still had a fun time that night. There you go. Be proud of what you are doing. Only a very small percentage of people have the fucking balls to stand up for themselves and do what you are doing. Wear that decision like a kings crown.
IQWYT
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Wow - a ton of great answers received here and in the Dec 17 quit group to my (honest) question about smoking cigars. It was a legit question, in that it was something that was in my mind and that I expected to struggle with at some point.
I now feel very well armed with a ton of new tools to stay strong when someone offers me a stogie. I am definitely an addict and will not touch nic in any form.
I really appreciate all of the support, advice and strong feelings expressed on this topic. I am sorry that it is obviously well covered ground by the true KTC pros and I hope I did not get anyone too bent out of shape!
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Okay, so like, I thought everyone was full of sh*t when they said to "watch out for the 70s." But I gotta say this last week has sucked big time. Cravings way up, anger management issues galore, and more fog that I have had in weeks. Spent more time on the site today than I have in a while. Good therapy but not helping me get my work done. Stress levels are high now, so in terms of quit, it is time to really focus on ODAAT. I WUPPED and am quit for today, for sure!!
I am not close to a cave or anything, but I will say that the f*cking Nic Bitch has been working on my head a lot lately, especially in my weak moments. I f*cking hate her and hate all that sh*t I used to be / do because of my addiction. It was good to read some history and get reminded of why I hate nic so much. How much it stole from me. How much I let it steal from me.
It is so f*cking stupid...going back to the can is not going to make anything better. In fact it would make EVERYTHING worse.
Get away Nic Bitch and 'Finger'
Thank God for KTC. If not for this place and all of you, I am pretty sure I would have caved by now. I can fight this awful addition ODAAT and like Jimmy V said, "Don't give up, don't ever give up!"
Okay, I feel better now. 'aqua'
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What a weird few days. First, I really appreciated all the feedback on my cigar thing. In hindsight it was kinda stupid....I could have done that research myself...it has all been covered here many times. I guess I just wanted to b*tch about it and hear it all again, first hand from the group. Was that selfish? I think it came from that part of my addict brain that still cannot really deal with the NARFAR aspect of my NICOTINE addiction. I did hear from a few folks on the down low that they thought the cigar policy is kinda over the top, but the more I think about it, the more I come out where DonkeyMN and so many others come out...even if it was true that cigars are different (and it ain't), why the h*ll would I even take the remotest chance to f*ck up my quit and become a slave again? I won't and feel very strongly about this now...no way I cave because of an old friend handing me a cigar. Not gonna happen, so maybe the whole thing was worth it.
Next up was the whole bruhaha over a careless remark about our HofF conductors. Wow, what a little tempest I kicked up there. Was I trying to provoke? I don't really know. Was absolutely not the main reason for the post. Main reason was to celebrate two great Decemberist quitters. However, my attitude has been so sh*tty lately, maybe I was taking a swipe. Should not have done it. Should NEVER IN ANY WAY complain about people who are volunteering their time to help me! Stupid, stupid, stupid. It also was a great reminder of (A) how drama is a huge part of this site (for better or worse...take your pick and my personal opinion on that changes regularly) and (B) how sensitive some people can be about things. I mean I would have never dreamed that tiny little phrase would have stirred up so much shit, but people here are very smart and do pay attention and do care a h*ll of a lot about this whole deal. Part of what makes KTC special and effective. At any rate, I really appreciated the many 4TW friends who leaped to my defense. Not necessary but very cool. For the record, apologies sent to all vets who seemed offended and to the conductors in case they were offended, and many lessons learned by this quitter.
And those were not even the most interesting things that happened to me and my quit over the last 10 days!! The real crazy came next, and I willl try to write about that next chance I get!
Through it all, I believe my quit got stronger. Also my mood is better, fog down, etc. ODAAT but feeling good and getting better on many fronts!
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Okay, so now on to the real crazy. I want to tread carefully here.
So what if someone VERY close to you had been on KTC for thousands of days (and is on the Mod/Admin team to boot!) and you only just figured it out?! Wouldn't that be interesting!?!?! Well that is what happened to me last week. I am mean it is all good, but man that was definitely a bit of a mind f*ck. Of course, I should have figured this out a long time ago if I had half a brain. Also, I bet some of you all can figure this out if you really want to; however I am not going to say any more in the interest of protecting everyone's privacy. However, trust me that if you knew all of the specifics you might find it even more amusing. At any rate, I am still trying to process the whole thing.
The one other thing that I will share about the whole experience was that when we finally sat down to talk about it, my one burning question was "dude, why did not you not tell me about KTC?" I mean this guy is one of a handful of people who knew that I was a power ninja dipper (although even he might not have known how bad I was), and he had already personally discovered the magic bullet to fight the nic bitch! The answer....well he did f*cking tell me years ago and I did not listen!! I mean how f*cking stupid am I?!?!?!
%$#%*%#@$$!!!!! 'bang head' 'flush' 'facepalm'' 'trainwreck' 'embarrassed' 'puking' 'help'
And this is a person who I respect very much in life outside KTC and who I try to make a point of listening to....uggh. Perhaps I will learn a lesson here and work on my humility and openness to new ideas as I move forward in my quit? Well maybe, but I would not count on it!!
At any rate, that is my story in brief. I mean there is a lot more to it, but that is the main gist. As I said, it is all good and I am finally feeling better after my 70s funk. If anything I feel stronger than ever about my quit. I still have a lot to learn but there is absolutely no turning back.
Quit on and be excellent!! 'oh yeah'
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It's been a good quit so far... Congrats on 100 days quit! Keep it going, proud to quit with you!
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It's been a good quit so far... Congrats on 100 days quit! Keep it going, proud to quit with you!
100!!!
Congratulations on your HOF quit!!! Speech! Speech!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
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It's been a good quit so far... Congrats on 100 days quit! Keep it going, proud to quit with you!
100!!!
Congratulations on your HOF quit!!! Speech! Speech!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
Congratulations, you bad ass.
One day at a time, even better days are ahead!
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Congrats on 100, see you for 101.
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Okay, so one of my huge fears in writing an H of F speech is that I would f*ck up and forget to thank someone, and of course that is exactly what happened!
So, I left out one of my daily texting buddies (and I only have a few) BIG RED! I am very sorry about this for two reasons. One, Big Red has really been a big help to me over the last 100 days. Two, Big Red is very much a true BAQ.
I like chatting with him and he inspires me most likely because I am about 25 years older than him. He is a student, and it so so so f*cking great that he has figured this out at his age. I think that marks him as wise beyond his years, and I love how he jumps in and helps other quitters even though he is at an especially stressful time in his life. I also have noticed he always looks out for other students and tries to help them in particular. You know the sooner you quit this sh*t the better life will be, and I only wish I was half as smart as Big Red. So, pal, just know that you inspire me, and you are a huge part of my quit, and I thank you. Also, if you ever dip again I will hunt you down and kick you in the @ss, I promise!
Now who else did I forget to thank?
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Okay, so one of my huge fears in writing an H of F speech is that I would f*ck up and forget to thank someone, and of course that is exactly what happened!
So, I left out one of my daily texting buddies (and I only have a few) BIG RED! I am very sorry about this for two reasons. One, Big Red has really been a big help to me over the last 100 days. Two, Big Red is very much a true BAQ.
I like chatting with him and he inspires me most likely because I am about 25 years older than him. He is a student, and it so so so f*cking great that he has figured this out at his age. I think that marks him as wise beyond his years, and I love how he jumps in and helps other quitters even though he is at an especially stressful time in his life. I also have noticed he always looks out for other students and tries to help them in particular. You know the sooner you quit this sh*t the better life will be, and I only wish I was half as smart as Big Red. So, pal, just know that you inspire me, and you are a huge part of my quit, and I thank you. Also, if you ever dip again I will hunt you down and kick you in the @ss, I promise!
Now who else did I forget to thank?
The Academy?
'na na'
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roflmao roflmao roflmao
FLLip you are so funny!! Hope the cold doesn't dampen your lively sense of humor!!
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SECOND FLOOR!!!!!
Congratulations 4TW on your awesome quit!!! Keep paying it forward like you do!!!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
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SECOND FLOOR!!!!!
Congratulations 4TW on your awesome quit!!! Keep paying it forward like you do!!!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
Congrats on 200 days quit 4tw!
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Congrats on 3rd floor arrival!!
Outstanding. Quit hard!
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Congrats on 3rd floor arrival!!
Outstanding. Quit hard!
Congrats on 3 HUNDO!!! 'party'
I just read through your intro again. There was some serious raging there at times!!! roflmao . How far we have all come!
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Take note all who read....between FLLip, Chick and my Dec sis Falcon, the women of KTC are absolutely awesome....and I would probably not have made it this far without there help!!
Thank you ladies! Proud to be an equal opportunity quitter and proud to quit with each of you for sure!