KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: spencerH on July 21, 2015, 11:46:00 PM
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Hey guys (and gals?),
So, I've been a secret stalker of this site for about six months now. Lots of good advice, and it's nice to know that the members are ready to provide tough love. I'm gonna need it.
My story: I'm a born and bred Texan. That right there is enough to make you an addict from birth. My grandfather, who is a true Texas cowboy and cattle rancher, is 85 and has dipped since he was 6 years old. Still has all his teeth, still tough as nails, still throwin hay and riding cutting horses. Needless to say, I grew up riding around in trucks with dip cups, dust, sweat, and lots of true Texas manliness.
For me, dipping and manhood went hand-in-hand.
I took my first dip when I was 9, when my cousins and I stole a can of grandpa's Grizzly wintergreen. I definitely threw up, and stayed away... at least for a while.
But like I said, I grew up in Texas, which meant playing baseball and sports, and acting tough for the ladies by shooting guns and flexing biceps. Unfortunately, that also meant dipping. I started dipping in the summer of 2000, when I was 14 years old.
See, it was easy to get dip. Every dad had a can or a log in his truck. The gas station clerks would sell it to you if you said "Grandpa sent me to pick up a few cans." And dip was cheap out in the country because you could escape the taxes of anti-tobacco Austin. It was a part of life, and I loved dipping.
This is addict speak, but I miss it right now. Dip is (was) my mistress. She's there when I need an escape, and she never demands I be anything I'm not. Addict speak, and it ends now.
My excuse (at least in my head) for dipping was always one of high moral ground. I'm not proud of it, but I will tell you because it will help me expose the fallacy of my thinking.
My excuses:
1) Good teeth and oral hygiene run in the family. My grandpa is 85 and doesn't have an issue, so neither will I.
2) I'm not like those rednecks you see on TV or in anti-tobacco literature. I have two degrees and speak multiple languages. I'm highly intelligent and read almost a book a day. I make good money, speak without an accent, have traveled the world, and studied at prestigious universities.
3) The only people who lose their teeth and get cancer are unhealthy idiots. I eat healthily, work out, take good care of my body, and don't do shitty stuff to it besides dipping. I'll be fine.
4) And many more excuses.
All of this is bullshit, I know. I sound like a prick, but I think all of us have these thoughts. It all boils down to "addict denial" and weakness.
I've been meaning and wanting to quit for years. Several times I "stopped" for a couple of months, but I always sabotaged myself.
I've been dipping about a can a day of Skoal or Copenhagen pouches for almost 15 years. Now that tobacco is pretty damn expensive, let's calculate the waste of money. $3 per can average (it's about $5.50 per can these days) x 15 years x 365 = $16,425. This doesn't include all of the cigarettes I've smoked in my life, but let's stick to the dip.
Recently, within the last 6 months, my mouth has been hurting. It has never hurt before while dipping, but now it does. My teeth feel weird, and my cheek and lips feel a bit numb. I've had some weird pain in my throat, almost as if there is a hard lump where there wasn't one.
Most of this, I think, is my paranoia of getting cancer. I think I'm scared to death of the damage I may have done, and it's manifesting itself with phantom pains. But, at the same time, this could be real.
So I quit. For good. Forever.
I'm a real asshole right now. I've had severe mood swings, emotional break downs, lots of crying, lots of anger, lots of scary somewhat suicidal thoughts. I know that this will pass, that the addiction will melt away with each day, but damn am I a fucking wreck right now. My mind is even making me hallucinate a little bit. I keep thinking a tooth is loose, even though it's not. I know that it's my mind playing tricks on me in order to get nicotine, but it's scary. I'm a weak sucker for nicotine and dip, but I will persevere.
Ok, sorry for the long ass introduction. This is my story, and this is my current situation. I'm quitting for good.
I just hope it's not too late for me. I guess it's time to head to the doctor to make sure.
Spencer
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Great intro spencer. Looks like you've come to the right place. First and foremost, you share the same story as many people on here so realize that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Never alone here. We have all been addicted to the ole dip. And this is where it ends. This is where you join everyone else who has the same exact goal and accomplish what you are aiming for. No matter how long you were addicted or how long you "quit" in the last like some. It will be difficult. And it's something you can never take lightly. Utilize this site. Read as much as you can. It helps in every aspect. Just learn that what you are going through is exactly what thousands of others have gone through and survived!!! It is possible!! As far as your phantom pains I don't think you could hit more spot on with what Im currently going through. Probably because I jam my fingers in my neck all day looking for something! Physical withdrawal will be taking place and it's different for everyone. I'm going to PM you top right of screen is inbox. Best decision of your life using this site my friend!!! Adios from a fellow Texan
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Hey Spencer. I know what you're saying about being tough, hell I dipped 38 years and got perfect teeth, no cancer that I know of, but 2 year's ago at ripe old age of 48 , eating healthy ,working out, on top of the world. Bam massive heart attack! No heart problems in my family, no high blood pressure etc.etc. My deal was why,and how? The answer, nicotine! Enough said, post roll badass and let's get you a hardcore quit going! I quit with you today!
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I'm a professional redneck in Texas as well. Many of those excuses could have been my own. I quit with you today.
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Great intro spencer. Looks like you've come to the right place. First and foremost, you share the same story as many people on here so realize that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Never alone here. We have all been addicted to the ole dip. And this is where it ends. This is where you join everyone else who has the same exact goal and accomplish what you are aiming for. No matter how long you were addicted or how long you "quit" in the last like some. It will be difficult. And it's something you can never take lightly. Utilize this site. Read as much as you can. It helps in every aspect. Just learn that what you are going through is exactly what thousands of others have gone through and survived!!! It is possible!! As far as your phantom pains I don't think you could hit more spot on with what Im currently going through. Probably because I jam my fingers in my neck all day looking for something! Physical withdrawal will be taking place and it's different for everyone. I'm going to PM you top right of screen is inbox. Best decision of your life using this site my friend!!! Adios from a fellow Texan
x2 ^^^. Welcome Spencer and listen to Fastball. Read everything you possibly can, it will help you understand why the road ahead is difficult, yes, but more importantly is attainable. Nice job posting roll again this morning. The vets will say "drink the kool-aid" which means dive in, learn how things are done here, and execute, every day. It won't always be easy, but it will always be worth it.
Quit with you today.
King
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Thanks to KingNothing, AngryNickCage, Pab, and Fastball. I appreciate the support, and I will stick to it.
Luckily, I don't hang out with anyone who dips, so I won't have to give up my friends. Unfortunately, almost everyone smokes when we are drinking and out, so I need to watch that trigger.
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Thanks to KingNothing, AngryNickCage, Pab, and Fastball. I appreciate the support, and I will stick to it.
Luckily, I don't hang out with anyone who dips, so I won't have to give up my friends. Unfortunately, almost everyone smokes when we are drinking and out, so I need to watch that trigger.
Check these pictures out:
http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm (http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm)
Stare at those for a bit before you head out and you shouldn't have any problem fighting the craves. You might even imagine all those smokers with a feeding tube, no tongue, etc. Do that and I'm pretty sure you can win that battle.
Nobody except you can make the decision to cave, no matter what else is going on around you. Just don't put it in your mouth. Not easy, but very simple.
You've got this Spencer. Keep it up.
King
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Thanks to KingNothing, AngryNickCage, Pab, and Fastball. I appreciate the support, and I will stick to it.
Luckily, I don't hang out with anyone who dips, so I won't have to give up my friends. Unfortunately, almost everyone smokes when we are drinking and out, so I need to watch that trigger.
Check these pictures out:
http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm (http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm)
Stare at those for a bit before you head out and you shouldn't have any problem fighting the craves. You might even imagine all those smokers with a feeding tube, no tongue, etc. Do that and I'm pretty sure you can win that battle.
Nobody except you can make the decision to cave, no matter what else is going on around you. Just don't put it in your mouth. Not easy, but very simple.
You've got this Spencer. Keep it up.
King
Great decision Spencer. You'll find we have people from all walks of life here including business owners, doctors, dentists, rocket scientist, you name it. (Dr. stober will correct me and tell me it's actually aerospace engineering). Nic treats everyone the same. It makes us all slaves. You've listed health concerns as a primary reason to quit, which is a very legit reason to quit, but I've found that gaining back my freedom, pride, and integrity have been the greatest benefits of quitting. It's a tough road, but you Texans are known for being tough sons of bitches so I'm sure you're up for the challenge. Post up every day and connect with some fellow quitters and you'll stand a good chance of beating this bitch. Proud to be quit with you today.
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Thanks to KingNothing, AngryNickCage, Pab, and Fastball. I appreciate the support, and I will stick to it.
Luckily, I don't hang out with anyone who dips, so I won't have to give up my friends. Unfortunately, almost everyone smokes when we are drinking and out, so I need to watch that trigger.
Check these pictures out:
http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm (http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm)
Stare at those for a bit before you head out and you shouldn't have any problem fighting the craves. You might even imagine all those smokers with a feeding tube, no tongue, etc. Do that and I'm pretty sure you can win that battle.
Nobody except you can make the decision to cave, no matter what else is going on around you. Just don't put it in your mouth. Not easy, but very simple.
You've got this Spencer. Keep it up.
King
Wow.
Nobody ever wants to go through that, and it's really sad that we become so addicted to something that can rob us of our lives.
Thanks for sharing the sobering truth behind dipping...
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Thanks to KingNothing, AngryNickCage, Pab, and Fastball. I appreciate the support, and I will stick to it.
Luckily, I don't hang out with anyone who dips, so I won't have to give up my friends. Unfortunately, almost everyone smokes when we are drinking and out, so I need to watch that trigger.
Check these pictures out:
http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm (http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm)
Stare at those for a bit before you head out and you shouldn't have any problem fighting the craves. You might even imagine all those smokers with a feeding tube, no tongue, etc. Do that and I'm pretty sure you can win that battle.
Nobody except you can make the decision to cave, no matter what else is going on around you. Just don't put it in your mouth. Not easy, but very simple.
You've got this Spencer. Keep it up.
King
Great decision Spencer. You'll find we have people from all walks of life here including business owners, doctors, dentists, rocket scientist, you name it. (Dr. stober will correct me and tell me it's actually aerospace engineering). Nic treats everyone the same. It makes us all slaves. You've listed health concerns as a primary reason to quit, which is a very legit reason to quit, but I've found that gaining back my freedom, pride, and integrity have been the greatest benefits of quitting. It's a tough road, but you Texans are known for being tough sons of bitches so I'm sure you're up for the challenge. Post up every day and connect with some fellow quitters and you'll stand a good chance of beating this bitch. Proud to be quit with you today.
Thanks for the support.
I've got this. I'm quitting for every reason there is, not just health. I never want to see my wife cry because she comes home to kiss me and I have a mouth full of spit.
I never want to snap at someone because I haven't had a dip in a few hours.
I never want to go to the gas station and have the clerk ask: "Two cans, or three?"
I never want to look at my bank account and see the same recurring debit.
I never want to open my door on a hot Texas day and have that smell of fermenting tobacco juice slap me in the face.
I never want to have my 3 year old nephew ask "did you just poop from your mouth?" when I spit a pouch out.
So many reasons to quit, and not a single good reason to continue.
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Thanks to KingNothing, AngryNickCage, Pab, and Fastball. I appreciate the support, and I will stick to it.
Luckily, I don't hang out with anyone who dips, so I won't have to give up my friends. Unfortunately, almost everyone smokes when we are drinking and out, so I need to watch that trigger.
Check these pictures out:
http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm (http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm)
Stare at those for a bit before you head out and you shouldn't have any problem fighting the craves. You might even imagine all those smokers with a feeding tube, no tongue, etc. Do that and I'm pretty sure you can win that battle.
Nobody except you can make the decision to cave, no matter what else is going on around you. Just don't put it in your mouth. Not easy, but very simple.
You've got this Spencer. Keep it up.
King
Great decision Spencer. You'll find we have people from all walks of life here including business owners, doctors, dentists, rocket scientist, you name it. (Dr. stober will correct me and tell me it's actually aerospace engineering). Nic treats everyone the same. It makes us all slaves. You've listed health concerns as a primary reason to quit, which is a very legit reason to quit, but I've found that gaining back my freedom, pride, and integrity have been the greatest benefits of quitting. It's a tough road, but you Texans are known for being tough sons of bitches so I'm sure you're up for the challenge. Post up every day and connect with some fellow quitters and you'll stand a good chance of beating this bitch. Proud to be quit with you today.
Thanks for the support.
I've got this. I'm quitting for every reason there is, not just health. I never want to see my wife cry because she comes home to kiss me and I have a mouth full of spit.
I never want to snap at someone because I haven't had a dip in a few hours.
I never want to go to the gas station and have the clerk ask: "Two cans, or three?"
I never want to look at my bank account and see the same recurring debit.
I never want to open my door on a hot Texas day and have that smell of fermenting tobacco juice slap me in the face.
I never want to have my 3 year old nephew ask "did you just poop from your mouth?" when I spit a pouch out.
So many reasons to quit, and not a single good reason to continue.
I thank you starting to get it. I quit with you today.
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Thanks to KingNothing, AngryNickCage, Pab, and Fastball. I appreciate the support, and I will stick to it.
Luckily, I don't hang out with anyone who dips, so I won't have to give up my friends. Unfortunately, almost everyone smokes when we are drinking and out, so I need to watch that trigger.
Check these pictures out:
http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm (http://www.outdoortexan.com/mycancer.htm)
Stare at those for a bit before you head out and you shouldn't have any problem fighting the craves. You might even imagine all those smokers with a feeding tube, no tongue, etc. Do that and I'm pretty sure you can win that battle.
Nobody except you can make the decision to cave, no matter what else is going on around you. Just don't put it in your mouth. Not easy, but very simple.
You've got this Spencer. Keep it up.
King
Great decision Spencer. You'll find we have people from all walks of life here including business owners, doctors, dentists, rocket scientist, you name it. (Dr. stober will correct me and tell me it's actually aerospace engineering). Nic treats everyone the same. It makes us all slaves. You've listed health concerns as a primary reason to quit, which is a very legit reason to quit, but I've found that gaining back my freedom, pride, and integrity have been the greatest benefits of quitting. It's a tough road, but you Texans are known for being tough sons of bitches so I'm sure you're up for the challenge. Post up every day and connect with some fellow quitters and you'll stand a good chance of beating this bitch. Proud to be quit with you today.
Thanks for the support.
I've got this. I'm quitting for every reason there is, not just health. I never want to see my wife cry because she comes home to kiss me and I have a mouth full of spit.
I never want to snap at someone because I haven't had a dip in a few hours.
I never want to go to the gas station and have the clerk ask: "Two cans, or three?"
I never want to look at my bank account and see the same recurring debit.
I never want to open my door on a hot Texas day and have that smell of fermenting tobacco juice slap me in the face.
I never want to have my 3 year old nephew ask "did you just poop from your mouth?" when I spit a pouch out.
So many reasons to quit, and not a single good reason to continue.
This is really good stuff Spencer. Hold on to it tightly, this will get better.
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I like what I see here, but forget forever, just worry about the next 10 hours (check local listings). Did you get other quitters digits yet? A 4 word text can get you over a crave, I know it did for me. Reach out for digits in your group.
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I like what I see here, but forget forever, just worry about the next 10 hours (check local listings). Did you get other quitters digits yet? A 4 word text can get you over a crave, I know it did for me. Reach out for digits in your group.
Thanks thumblewort.
For me, knowing that dipping isn't an option will help me get through this. If I say that it's forever, that I can never use dip again, it will get me past the cravings.
Today, day 5, is a real doozy. I can't work, I can't think, and I'm hating life. I'm going to get through it, but it's hard to imagine ever feeling normal again.
That's why I have to realize that no matter how bad it gets, there's no going back. I'm quitting for life.
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I like what I see here, but forget forever, just worry about the next 10 hours (check local listings). Did you get other quitters digits yet? A 4 word text can get you over a crave, I know it did for me. Reach out for digits in your group.
Thanks thumblewort.
For me, knowing that dipping isn't an option will help me get through this. If I say that it's forever, that I can never use dip again, it will get me past the cravings.
Today, day 5, is a real doozy. I can't work, I can't think, and I'm hating life. I'm going to get through it, but it's hard to imagine ever feeling normal again.
That's why I have to realize that no matter how bad it gets, there's no going back. I'm quitting for life.
Good work Spencer. For me it was hard to imagine what normal was because I hadn't felt normal in 17 years. It took me several weeks of staying quit before I had a good day, where I got a taste of that normalcy, and the longer I've stayed quit the more "normal" days I have. I still have those shit days but it gets so much better. Quit with you man.
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I like what I see here, but forget forever, just worry about the next 10 hours (check local listings). Did you get other quitters digits yet? A 4 word text can get you over a crave, I know it did for me. Reach out for digits in your group.
Thanks thumblewort.
For me, knowing that dipping isn't an option will help me get through this. If I say that it's forever, that I can never use dip again, it will get me past the cravings.
Today, day 5, is a real doozy. I can't work, I can't think, and I'm hating life. I'm going to get through it, but it's hard to imagine ever feeling normal again.
That's why I have to realize that no matter how bad it gets, there's no going back. I'm quitting for life.
That's the right attitude. Don't let the bitch when. When I started to crave I just kept myself busy.
Whatever it takes do it. Remember we do this ODAAT and EDD. 30 year dipper, 2 cans a day. If I can I know you can. Stay strong brother.
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Sent you a pm with my digits.
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Addiction doesn't really give a damn about how many university degrees you have. We could sit down for a few days and chat about the people in my life with graduate degrees that I have watched die from feeding an addiction.
Amazing how we rationalize having the moral high ground while dipping, all the while organizing every waking hour of our lives around when our next hit of nicotine will be. Slaves to a drug, and we rationalize that using is moral.
When I was 14, you didn't have to lie about your grandfather needing the dip: the sales clerk would just sell it to you.
Austin may be anti-tobacco, but I dipped a can a day there for 4 years until I moved away.
Post roll every day, re-define what it means to be a real Texas man, and stay quit.
I quit with you today.