KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: tazmed on June 23, 2011, 03:14:00 PM
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Ok, so here's my intro...
I've been a user of chewing tobacco, dip, snuff, chaw, grandpa's candy...whatever you want to call it since I was 10 years old. I started when I was playing baseball and one of the dads always had a fresh pouch of Red Man that we'd take from.
Right after high school I went into the Navy and kept right on chewing. After boot camp I wound up working catapults on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier...just a little stressful. It seemed like every one of the guys I worked with chewed, smoked, or both and I jumped right in. When we'd have to do major maintenance on the catapults, the first thing that we'd do is send someone down to the smoke shop to get a case of chew. We wouldn't work without it.
After the Navy I became a firefighter and paramedic...more stress. 20 plus years in emergency services with the highs and lows of running calls, taking care of people, trying everything within my abilities to thwart natural selection...I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the way I became an addict.
Both of my parents were smokers and both died of cancer...my dad dying while I was still in high school. That should have been my clue, but no...I was stupid and thought I could beat it. I kept telling myself that I could quit any time I wanted; I just had to make the decision. I wasn't in a hurry.
I'm now 44, I have a professional career in a healthcare system, my own office in a hospital (with a private bathroom no less), a wife and a bunch of kids, and I'm done. Yesterday morning I decided that I've had enough and tossed the last five cans of Copenhagen into the trash. Today, my head feels like it's about to explode, my mouth is watering, my hands are shaking, and I can't seem to get anything done at work...so I've been reading all the other posts from everyone. Some of the responses are brutal, I can deal with that. I know that this process won't be easy, but judging from what I've read I'm not alone. I have to do this, not only for me, but for my family. I now have two beautiful daughters who I have promised to someday walk down the aisle. I need to be there for that.
Sorry if this is a little long-winded...that's just how I tend to be. I'm glad that the decision has finally been made and with everyone's help, I'll fight through it. Glad to be here.
:wacko:
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Congrats Tazmed on a great decision to quit. It won't be easy but you can get through it, one day at a time. Post roll and give your word you won't use today. I will do the same. Proud to be quit with you. If you need anything feel free to PM me.
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Welcome, Tazmed! Sounds like you've devoted a majority of your life to serving and helping others. Now it's time to help yourself and free yourself of the nicotine addiction. For you, for your family, you have made the right decision and we have your back.
All we ask is you give your word to not use tobacco today and today only. That's it. When tomorrow rolls around, you will repeat this pledge again. But that's tomorrow, all we ask for is today.
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Hey taz. It's great to be quit with you today.
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Today is the first day of your life. Congratulations!
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Excellent day 2. You have my support if you ever need it. Just send a PM.
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...trying everything within my abilities to thwart natural selection...
It's good that you still have a sense of humor, especially for the next few days. Re-read this in a few weeks and you will laugh even more, because you may see yourself as one of those people that were too foolish to get out of their own destructive way.
Glad you're here. We all want you to succeed. I'll quit with you today!
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Very wise decision taz! Proud to be quit with you today! Nico
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Tazmed - there are times in life when we all must make a decision. Here, the decision for any quitter is whether we choose to live free or die. You, like those before you here, chose the former. Congrats. It is an honor to be quit with you.
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Thanks for the responses, guys, both public and PM. I'm kind of at the point that I'll try just about anything to kick this...I've been chewing gum like a fiend for the past two days and my jaw is killing me.
What are your thoughts on the mint alternatives? I keep finding myself reaching for the can (that isn't even here) and it pisses me off when I don't have it right there. I'm almost afraid that I'll go home and dig the shit out of the trash can. I'm thinking that if I had an alternative to replace the Copenhagen it would go easier. Wish I could find that Jerky Snuff they had years ago...I'd be all over that. LOL
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Thanks for the responses, guys, both public and PM. I'm kind of at the point that I'll try just about anything to kick this...I've been chewing gum like a fiend for the past two days and my jaw is killing me.
What are your thoughts on the mint alternatives? I keep finding myself reaching for the can (that isn't even here) and it pisses me off when I don't have it right there. I'm almost afraid that I'll go home and dig the shit out of the trash can. I'm thinking that if I had an alternative to replace the Copenhagen it would go easier. Wish I could find that Jerky Snuff they had years ago...I'd be all over that. LOL
Go for alternatives. Anything to keep nicotine out of your mouth. Get through this 1 day at a time. It gets easier on the other size.
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Thanks for the responses, guys, both public and PM. I'm kind of at the point that I'll try just about anything to kick this...I've been chewing gum like a fiend for the past two days and my jaw is killing me.Â
What are your thoughts on the mint alternatives? I keep finding myself reaching for the can (that isn't even here) and it pisses me off when I don't have it right there. I'm almost afraid that I'll go home and dig the shit out of the trash can. I'm thinking that if I had an alternative to replace the Copenhagen it would go easier. Wish I could find that Jerky Snuff they had years ago...I'd be all over that. LOL
Go for alternatives. Anything to keep nicotine out of your mouth. Get through this 1 day at a time. It gets easier on the other size.
I bought Smokey Mountain from Wal-Mart and kept it laying around...just in case. Knowing it was there was my parachute. Used it a few times at work where I am surrounded by dippers just to get through the crave. Amazing that once it's in...you really don't want it.
Anything is better than caving to the nicotine and going back to square 1.
Check out this thread: Smokeless Alternatives (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=290)
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Thanks for the responses, guys, both public and PM. I'm kind of at the point that I'll try just about anything to kick this...I've been chewing gum like a fiend for the past two days and my jaw is killing me.
What are your thoughts on the mint alternatives? I keep finding myself reaching for the can (that isn't even here) and it pisses me off when I don't have it right there. I'm thinking that if I had an alternative to replace the Copenhagen it would go easier. Wish I could find that Jerky Snuff they had years ago...I'd be all over that. LOL
I'm almost afraid that I'll go home and dig the shit out of the trash can.
Well...I stopped off at the store and picked up a big bag of beef jerky and I've been sucking on a wad of it for the past 20-25 minutes. Doesn't help with the head, but at least I'm not looking for a can anymore. Speaking of the cans, I did actually pull them out of the trash...and dumped them down the garbage disposal, never to see the light of day again. Take that, bitch.
'na na'
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Thanks for the responses, guys, both public and PM. I'm kind of at the point that I'll try just about anything to kick this...I've been chewing gum like a fiend for the past two days and my jaw is killing me.Â
What are your thoughts on the mint alternatives? I keep finding myself reaching for the can (that isn't even here) and it pisses me off when I don't have it right there. I'm thinking that if I had an alternative to replace the Copenhagen it would go easier. Wish I could find that Jerky Snuff they had years ago...I'd be all over that. LOL
I'm almost afraid that I'll go home and dig the shit out of the trash can.
Well...I stopped off at the store and picked up a big bag of beef jerky and I've been sucking on a wad of it for the past 20-25 minutes. Doesn't help with the head, but at least I'm not looking for a can anymore. Speaking of the cans, I did actually pull them out of the trash...and dumped them down the garbage disposal, never to see the light of day again. Take that, bitch.
'na na'
Good job getting rid of everything tazmed. We've all dumpster dove for a dip before.....sad but true.
Besides, it does a mind good to watch that bitch go down the drain.
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Taz, I mix Hooch Spitfire with Young's Chew and it's almost identical to the real thing. Also, the Mint Snuff or Smoky Mountain pouches are great for on the go and easy cleanup.
Do whatever it takes, just as long as it's not the real thing.
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Taz, I mix Hooch Spitfire with Young's Chew and it's almost identical to the real thing. Also, the Mint Snuff or Smoky Mountain pouches are great for on the go and easy cleanup.
Do whatever it takes, just as long as it's not the real thing.
Taz if you want to get a little adventurous take a bag of green tea and soak it in Drambuie or a little Wild Turkey and lace it with a little cayenne powder! Sound crazy?? Dont knock it till you try it! Worked for me at times when I had them bone aching craves, and no fake shit! Nico
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"Taz if you want to get a little adventurous take a bag of green tea and soak it in Drambuie or a little Wild Turkey and lace it with a little cayenne powder! Sound crazy?? Dont knock it till you try it! Worked for me at times when I had them bone aching craves, and no fake shit!
Nico"
That does sound interesting. Of course the cayenne pepper would probably set my allergies to screaming, but...might be worth the risk. B)
The beef jerky's working pretty well so far. I spent a couple hours working in the yard after work tonight with a nice wad of jerky in my cheek, and didn't have any desire to pack my lip. It's almost like going back to Red Man, but will a better flavor...and no spitting. LOL
Thanks for being there today, guys. I've got a John Wayne movie in the DVD, a cold beer ready to go, and another hunk of dead cow to chew on. See you in the morning for roll call. 'Popcorn'
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"Taz if you want to get a little adventurous take a bag of green tea and soak it in Drambuie or a little Wild Turkey and lace it with a little cayenne powder! Sound crazy?? Dont knock it till you try it! Worked for me at times when I had them bone aching craves, and no fake shit!
Nico"
That does sound interesting. Of course the cayenne pepper would probably set my allergies to screaming, but...might be worth the risk. B)
The beef jerky's working pretty well so far. I spent a couple hours working in the yard after work tonight with a nice wad of jerky in my cheek, and didn't have any desire to pack my lip. It's almost like going back to Red Man, but will a better flavor...and no spitting. LOL
Thanks for being there today, guys. I've got a John Wayne movie in the DVD, a cold beer ready to go, and another hunk of dead cow to chew on. See you in the morning for roll call. 'Popcorn'
which John Wayne movie?
watched the new version of True Grit last nite with the fam......while it wasn't bad....
nobody says "Fill your hand you son of a bitch" with as much contempt and disdain as the Duke.....R.I.P.
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"Taz if you want to get a little adventurous take a bag of green tea and soak it in Drambuie or a little Wild Turkey and lace it with a little cayenne powder! Sound crazy?? Dont knock it till you try it! Worked for me at times when I had them bone aching craves, and no fake shit!   Â
Nico"
That does sound interesting. Of course the cayenne pepper would probably set my allergies to screaming, but...might be worth the risk. B)
The beef jerky's working pretty well so far. I spent a couple hours working in the yard after work tonight with a nice wad of jerky in my cheek, and didn't have any desire to pack my lip. It's almost like going back to Red Man, but will a better flavor...and no spitting. LOL
Thanks for being there today, guys. I've got a John Wayne movie in the DVD, a cold beer ready to go, and another hunk of dead cow to chew on. See you in the morning for roll call. 'Popcorn'
which John Wayne movie?
watched the new version of True Grit last nite with the fam......while it wasn't bad....
nobody says "Fill your hand you son of a bitch" with as much contempt and disdain as the Duke.....R.I.P.
True...the new one is good, but I still prefer the original. That seems to be the case with all the remakes Hollywood is doing...for me anyway.
The movie last night was "Cahill: U.S. Marshall".
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Man...my brain is totally screwed today.
I didn't sleep for shit last night, tossing and turning, weird dreams, dreaming of beef jerky even.
'crackup'
So, this morning I get up and start my normal routine (with one big exception) and head out to get my first cup of coffee. Right now I'm living bachelor because of my job so I normally make a pot of coffee last two days. I pour the coffee and stick it in the microwave to reheat it...not realizing that I set it up to make new stuff this morning. I take my first drink and burn the shit out of my tongue. Brilliant!!!
Today is Day 4 and I'm teaching all day. This should be fun...someone should warn my students.
javascript:add_smilie("'ODT'")
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Man...my brain is totally screwed today.Â
I didn't sleep for shit last night, tossing and turning, weird dreams, dreaming of beef jerky even.
'crackup'Â
So, this morning I get up and start my normal routine (with one big exception) and head out to get my first cup of coffee. Right now I'm living bachelor because of my job so I normally make a pot of coffee last two days. I pour the coffee and stick it in the microwave to reheat it...not realizing that I set it up to make new stuff this morning. I take my first drink and burn the shit out of my tongue. Brilliant!!!
Today is Day 4 and I'm teaching all day. This should be fun...someone should warn my students.
javascript:add_smilie("'ODT'")
The joys of fog-tard-ness. Keep going one day at a time. You are doin' it! B)
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Well, this has been an interesting day. Day 4 without a dip. Didn't sleep for shit last night and had to teach all day today. I was totally expecting to have a crappy day, and probably jump all over a student because of how I felt. Weird thing is, I haven't felt bad at all today. No shakes, no headaches, no real cravings. I've had a small chunk of beef jerky wadded up in my cheek for most of the day, but still not getting near the bitch.
I got my first order of Jake's Mint Chew when I got home. I haven't tried it yet because I need to eat something, but it sure smells good. If the beef jerky has helped me this much, maybe the mint stuff will push me through to the other side.
Aside from being really tired, I really feel pretty good all things considered. I think I'll finish eating and see about a short nap on the couch.
Thanks for being there for me...bring on day 5! 'Finger'
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Right on Taz. Way to find some balance through all this bro. That's awesome.
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Crappy sleep again last night...I think I may have gotten 90 uninterrupted minutes at one point. Not feeling too bad this morning though. What the hell...it's a beautiful day outside. Think I'll go enjoy my coffee on the patio.
I tried Jake's Mint Chew last night, and again this morning. It's not too bad, but I'm not overly impressed. I'm used to long cut so maybe finding little pieces floating free is what bothers me. The wads of beef jerky actually worked great...might just stick with that.
So I think I mentioned it somewhere, but I'm a geographic bachelor for a few more weeks. I'm on the west coast and my wife and family are on the east coast. Friday night I told my wife that I might not be a pleasant person to talk to this weekend because I decided to quit the Copenhagen. I think she actually cried a bit... Over the years she's given me some grief about my addiction, but never really pushed the issue. I explained my reasons for quitting and she's on-board 100%...not that I would have expected different.
The funny part was when she asked if the girls (twin 10 yo daughters) had convinced me to quit. I told her that they had played a role, but knew nothing about it. I decided that I have to be there to walk them down the aisle when they get married in 30 years (do the math), but I hadn't talked to them directly about it. Then she told me that they had come to her and said that they wanted to talk to me about quitting, that they thought is was dangerous, and that they wanted me to be safe.
I've been told that God works in mysterious ways, and I've seen some mysterious things. There's my latest example. Just in case I started to feel like caving, he dropped off two little girls to keep me honest.
Day 5...BRING IT ON!!!!
'na na'
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You got some good quit going on here.
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As I head into day 9, I have to ask myself "why did I quit?" Now before someone gets their panties in a wad and starts giving me shit, I'm not thinking about caving...just the opposite actually. The question should probably me more like "why did it take so long to come to the decision to quit?", but that would take way too long to ask.
I want a dip every moment of every day...I'm an addict. I didn't really understand that until just a couple days ago. Yeah, I know that I said it in my initial intro, but it really hit home the other day when I was waiting to get on a plane. I looked over at the drink machine and thought to myself "Hey, I need to get one of those orange juice bottles so I can have a spitter on the plane." Then I realized that no...I really DON'T need a spitter because I quit 5 days ago.
So...why did I quit? Having a dip in my mouth calmed me down. It helped me focus. It steadied my hands when I was woodworking. It gave me clarity when I taught my kids right from wrong. It made me the man that I was. So why did I quit?
Oh yeah, I remember...it OWNED me.
I don't know what the final trigger was to get me to quit; my wife asked me that question and I couldn't give her an answer either. What I do know is that one day I just thought about looking into an alternative to Copenhagen and I stumbled across KTC. I started reading about the struggles others were having with their dip addictions and I saw myself in their posts. People talking about staying up late to have a dip after their family went to bed...that's me. Hoping to get a little "me time" so I could have another dip...yep. Just about every description of hiding the addiction fit me "to a T" (whatever that means).
So I was thinking about my reasons for quitting this morning and I had a revelation that hit me like a brick. My three youngest kids LOVE to talk, especially to me...and usually when I'm trying to do something productive. When I had a dip in my mouth I had to hide it from them because I didn't want them to see their dad doing something dangerous. So in order to hide my addiction from them, I shunned them. Phrases like "Go away", "Go play in traffic", "Can't you see that I'm working here?" would fly from my mouth and they would wander off to go do something...without me.
What I realized this morning was that I was selfishly taking myself out of their lives because Copenhagen was more important to me than my kids were. How fucked up is that???
I owe everyone in my family a huge apology for my selfishness. So...today, 9 days into my quit, I finally know why I quit. It's because my addiction has been depriving my family of a dad. I never knew how much I was missing until I cleared my head of that shit, and now that I do know, I am even more motivated to stay quit and get engaged in their lives.
Thanks KTC, for the information, the support, and the friendships that I've developed to help get me headed in the right direction. Damned proud to be quit with you today!
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Good stuff. Way to turn the corner and get on top of your quit.
I quit with you Taz.
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Great Insight Taz!
Keep up the Quit!
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Good good stuff. Thanks for posting it. That was a good read.
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Nice, tazmed. Thanks for posting.
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As I head into day 9, I have to ask myself "why did I quit?" Now before someone gets their panties in a wad and starts giving me shit, I'm not thinking about caving...just the opposite actually. The question should probably me more like "why did it take so long to come to the decision to quit?", but that would take way too long to ask.Â
I want a dip every moment of every day...I'm an addict. I didn't really understand that until just a couple days ago. Yeah, I know that I said it in my initial intro, but it really hit home the other day when I was waiting to get on a plane. I looked over at the drink machine and thought to myself "Hey, I need to get one of those orange juice bottles so I can have a spitter on the plane." Then I realized that no...I really DON'T need a spitter because I quit 5 days ago.Â
So...why did I quit? Having a dip in my mouth calmed me down. It helped me focus. It steadied my hands when I was woodworking. It gave me clarity when I taught my kids right from wrong. It made me the man that I was. So why did I quit?
Oh yeah, I remember...it OWNED me.
I don't know what the final trigger was to get me to quit; my wife asked me that question and I couldn't give her an answer either. What I do know is that one day I just thought about looking into an alternative to Copenhagen and I stumbled across KTC. I started reading about the struggles others were having with their dip addictions and I saw myself in their posts. People talking about staying up late to have a dip after their family went to bed...that's me. Hoping to get a little "me time" so I could have another dip...yep. Just about every description of hiding the addiction fit me "to a T" (whatever that means).Â
So I was thinking about my reasons for quitting this morning and I had a revelation that hit me like a brick. My three youngest kids LOVE to talk, especially to me...and usually when I'm trying to do something productive. When I had a dip in my mouth I had to hide it from them because I didn't want them to see their dad doing something dangerous. So in order to hide my addiction from them, I shunned them. Phrases like "Go away", "Go play in traffic", "Can't you see that I'm working here?" would fly from my mouth and they would wander off to go do something...without me.
What I realized this morning was that I was selfishly taking myself out of their lives because Copenhagen was more important to me than my kids were. How fucked up is that???
I owe everyone in my family a huge apology for my selfishness. So...today, 9 days into my quit, I finally know why I quit. It's because my addiction has been depriving my family of a dad. I never knew how much I was missing until I cleared my head of that shit, and now that I do know, I am even more motivated to stay quit and get engaged in their lives.Â
Thanks KTC, for the information, the support, and the friendships that I've developed to help get me headed in the right direction. Damned proud to be quit with you today!
Do you know I never read a nighttime story to my son from the time he was born till he was 4 years old because that was my "dip" time. Were we all not pathetic junkies? I get sick to my stomach when I think about that lost time with my child.
When I quit I made a vow to read at least 2 stories a night to him to try and regain those precious moments. I've got 554 more days to go to equalize the 4 years I lost and make up for 1460 bedtime stories. You don't think I'm focused on that like a laser?
Thank you for helping my quit today with your story.
TCOPE
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Tazmed - Great insights. Thank you for making my quit stronger today. JT
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right on, taz. good post. family is a huge motivator. nice work in digging deeper into the why. don't stop digging though; there's still lots to learn about ourselves.
thanks!
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Wow...Day 10...some random thoughts before coffee
If 100 days gets you into the Hall of Fame, I wonder if 10 days gets you into the Hall of Someone Noticed...I don't care. This is a milestone for me. I've quit in the past, but never made it past three or four days.
Last night was the first night that I've been able to sleep through since quitting, so I'm going to call that another milestone. That's been the biggest issue for me in quitting, no big cravings, occasional fog, shakes and headaches for the first two days, but not being able to sleep really got to me. I'm glad to finally be able make it through the night.
Something I've been thinking about...a lot of people say that you should get lots of exercise during your initial quit. About the only exercise I've gotten has been working in the yard on hot days. I need to get out and do SOMETHING...just not sure what. I play ball on the weekends and go camping from time to time, and it's finally warm enough to put the kayak in the water. Maybe that's what I'll do this weekend...
So I've been keeping track of my time and money savings on the KTC.org site and I'm up to $50.00 now. That should make the wife happy. Something just occurred to me though...I've been wanting a new mountain bike. If my math is correct, (most likely it's not, but that's never stopped me before) when I hit 100 days I will have saved $500.00. I can pick up a really nice bike for $500.00. B)
I wonder if it's possible to be addicted to beef jerky. Having a bunch of jerky in my mouth has helped in my quit since it gives me the sensation of having a dip in, but I finished off the bag this morning and I started thinking that I have to get to the store and get another one...just like when I finished my last can of Copenhagen. That concerned me a little. I know that smokers and dippers are orally fixated, but holy hell...beef jerky addiction???
Well, it's time to get in the shower and head off to work. Thanks to my quit brothers and sisters out there. Your words keep me motivated moving forward. I hope everyone has a great weekend! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!!!!!
'usflag'
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FWIW, exercise definitely helps me, as does any activity that keeps both your body and brain busy. Playing the guitar or piano, playing video games, running, swimming, etc. Kind of obvious, but it helps to focus on activities where you can't chew rather than stuff you used to do while chewing. Day 7 for me today.
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FWIW, exercise definitely helps me, as does any activity that keeps both your body and brain busy. Playing the guitar or piano, playing video games, running, swimming, etc. Kind of obvious, but it helps to focus on activities where you can't chew rather than stuff you used to do while chewing. Day 7 for me today.
I'm not sure there was ANYTHING I couldn't do while chewing...up to, and including, playing brass instruments. Thinking about that now just totally grosses me out. Guess I'll be giving all my horns a good bath tonight. 'crackup'
Tomorrow morning I'll dust off the old Nordic Trak and see if I can remember how to make it work. I could stand to lose about 35 pounds, so why not use the same idea as here?
Tomorrow will be Day 11-1 Quit Day 11/Exercise Day 1
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Wow...Day 10...some random thoughts before coffee
If 100 days gets you into the Hall of Fame, I wonder if 10 days gets you into the Hall of Someone Noticed...I don't care. This is a milestone for me. I've quit in the past, but never made it past three or four days.
Then make the next 10 days another milestone. Focusing on the next post you will make that has meaning to you is a good exercise, whether it be to post another five days, 500 days or simply another even numbered day. I liked posting a 175 yesterday. It's just a nice, clean number. Now I'm stepping off another quarter. And it's good to know you're going to be here with me, Taz.
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Day 12 and half-way through a long weekend.
I'm feeling pretty good about my quit, finally sleeping through the night. The cravings yesterday were pretty intense at times and I went through a whole can of Hooch fighting them off. Speaking of Hooch, I got into the "Spitfire" flavor yesterday afternoon. Holy Bat Shit!!! I thought my tongue was going to burn off. Someone double up on the cayenne pepper out there??? Damn....
I also found myself looking for something to eat most of the day. I don't know if I was just bored, or if I just wanted something to chew on. Fortunately my old pal beef jerky wasn't far away. I really think I'm becoming addicted to that now.
I'll be up against another challenge today...driving up into the mountains. Where I live, I can get pretty much anywhere I need to be within 5 minutes. Today I'm heading here: Klamath Canoe Trail (http://www.fws.gov/klamathbasinrefuges/ukcanoe.html) It's about a 75 mile drive and this will be my first trip of any distance since I quit. I'm sure the cravings will pop up again, but I'll be ready for them. I WILL NOT CAVE!!!
Just the other day I discovered the quitters spreadsheet. Hats off to whoever maintains that...I think I remember seeing Trey88 attached to it, but I can't remember. Anyway, I've found that checking that really motivates me. Maybe it's my competitiveness, maybe something else...who knows? When I scroll down to the bottom of the page I see the guys who have missed roll for a number of days, and then I see the list of those who have caved and that bums me out. The saddest part is that I now know some of the guys on that list and I couldn't reach them.
Maybe I'm just not having as hard a time with my quit as I should, but for me it's a simple decision. Today I will either put that shit in my mouth, or I will not. I choose to not do it...today, and every day. Why do some people cave while others seem to breeze through their quits. I don't think I'm any more committed than anyone else, or at least it doesn't seem that way. I get inspiration from some of the veterans who should probably be motivational speakers, but it still comes down to a personal choice that isn't that difficult. Today, I choose to be nicotine free... It's really easy to say, is it really that hard to follow through?
I know I'll probably get some shit from someone who's had a really hard go of it, and that's ok. My intent isn't to piss anyone off (not yet anyway), just logging some random thoughts. Anyway, I'm headed for the mountains to enjoy this beautiful weekend. Today I mark Day 12 with my June 22nd brothers, slattern and ShawnNJ. I'm quit with everyone in the September 2011 group, and I'm proud to be part of the overall KTC community. Thanks to everyone for the support!
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......
Just the other day I discovered the quitters spreadsheet. Hats off to whoever maintains that...I think I remember seeing Trey88 attached to it, but I can't remember. Anyway, I've found that checking that really motivates me. Maybe it's my competitiveness, maybe something else...who knows? When I scroll down to the bottom of the page I see the guys who have missed roll for a number of days, and then I see the list of those who have caved and that bums me out. The saddest part is that I now know some of the guys on that list and I couldn't reach them.
What is this spreadsheet you speak of?
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Day 15
I was reading a post from Souliman and it got me thinking. If you haven't read his stuff yet, get on it. The man has a deep understanding of what we're going through. So this is kind of a response to his post about the addict and the truck.
I think the way I'm looking at things is that for 34 years I had this person who everyone thought was me, but in reality it was my addiction. It looked just like me, talked, walked, spoke, and even smelled just like me...but it wasn't. That person started showing up when I was 10, taking the Red Man from my friend's dad when I was playing baseball. Over the years every time I'd take a dip, chew, or smoke, that person was there and before I knew it, that other me was the only me.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago and I'm reading an article on, of all things, sexual addiction...don't ask why, I don't even know. Anyway, some of the behaviors they listed started jumping out at me and at that point I had the revelation that I was addicted to Copenhagen/Nicotine. Wow...holy shit...I'm a fucking addict! That's what brought me here to KTC.
I think I mentioned somewhere that I tend to get long-winded...sorry. :(
That revelation triggered something in me. I started really taking a look at myself and the things that I've done over the years and I realized that there was the person I thought I was, and then there was the person everyone else saw. The person that everyone else saw was always sneaking off to do "something" just to get a little dip time; hiding the bulging lip from the kids who weren't smart enough to notice; taking the quick look around to see if anyone would notice me spitting. The person I thought I was didn't really exist...until June 22nd.
So, the discussion over in Souliman's intro talks about how we see/visualize our addictions. Really taking a look at mine looks a lot like multiple personality disorder. Only with these two personalities, I'm having a war. In one corner we have the addict, in the other...the husband, father, coach, mentor, teacher, leader.
Well, the addict has finally been dealt a punishing blow and now he's locked up in a box...and that's how I visualize my addiction. It's locked away, under wraps today, but always with the potential to escape. To counter that I must remain ever vigilant and on-guard. I do that by being accountable to slattern and ShawnNJ, who both quit on the same day as I did. I do that by posting roll each day as soon as I'm awake enough to jump on the computer (yes, most days even before coffee). I do that by reading posts from others who have gone before me and drawing strength and knowledge from them. I do that by reading posts from new quitters and offering my support to them. I do that by telling my family how my quit is progressing and making sure they hold me accountable. And finally, but most importantly, I do that by being a man of my word, honest to myself finally, and promising that just for today I WILL NOT USE NICOTINE.
I've only been at this for two weeks...+1, and there have been days when I thought "this isn't so bad, I can probably do this without KTC." But then I come back to check the site and find something else so honest and insightful that I'm inspired and renewed in my dedication to quit. I don't know who first got KTC started, or how it developed into what it is today, but I thank God that it, and more specifically the people, are here to help me through this.
Thank you KTC; you have given me my life back, just for today...+1
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Day 15
I was reading a post from Souliman and it got me thinking. If you haven't read his stuff yet, get on it. The man has a deep understanding of what we're going through. So this is kind of a response to his post about the addict and the truck.
I think the way I'm looking at things is that for 34 years I had this person who everyone thought was me, but in reality it was my addiction. It looked just like me, talked, walked, spoke, and even smelled just like me...but it wasn't. That person started showing up when I was 10, taking the Red Man from my friend's dad when I was playing baseball. Over the years every time I'd take a dip, chew, or smoke, that person was there and before I knew it, that other me was the only me.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago and I'm reading an article on, of all things, sexual addiction...don't ask why, I don't even know. Anyway, some of the behaviors they listed started jumping out at me and at that point I had the revelation that I was addicted to Copenhagen/Nicotine. Wow...holy shit...I'm a fucking addict! That's what brought me here to KTC.
I think I mentioned somewhere that I tend to get long-winded...sorry. :(
That revelation triggered something in me. I started really taking a look at myself and the things that I've done over the years and I realized that there was the person I thought I was, and then there was the person everyone else saw. The person that everyone else saw was always sneaking off to do "something" just to get a little dip time; hiding the bulging lip from the kids who weren't smart enough to notice; taking the quick look around to see if anyone would notice me spitting. The person I thought I was didn't really exist...until June 22nd.
So, the discussion over in Souliman's intro talks about how we see/visualize our addictions. Really taking a look at mine looks a lot like multiple personality disorder. Only with these two personalities, I'm having a war. In one corner we have the addict, in the other...the husband, father, coach, mentor, teacher, leader.
Well, the addict has finally been dealt a punishing blow and now he's locked up in a box...and that's how I visualize my addiction. It's locked away, under wraps today, but always with the potential to escape. To counter that I must remain ever vigilant and on-guard. I do that by being accountable to slattern and ShawnNJ, who both quit on the same day as I did. I do that by posting roll each day as soon as I'm awake enough to jump on the computer (yes, most days even before coffee). I do that by reading posts from others who have gone before me and drawing strength and knowledge from them. I do that by reading posts from new quitters and offering my support to them. I do that by telling my family how my quit is progressing and making sure they hold me accountable. And finally, but most importantly, I do that by being a man of my word, honest to myself finally, and promising that just for today I WILL NOT USE NICOTINE.
I've only been at this for two weeks...+1, and there have been days when I thought "this isn't so bad, I can probably do this without KTC." But then I come back to check the site and find something else so honest and insightful that I'm inspired and renewed in my dedication to quit. I don't know who first got KTC started, or how it developed into what it is today, but I thank God that it, and more specifically the people, are here to help me through this.
Thank you KTC; you have given me my life back, just for today...+1
Very well said tazmed! Stay hitched to that outlook, and you will succeed. Stay strong! Proud to be quit with you brother! Nico
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Day 15
I was reading a post from Souliman and it got me thinking. If you haven't read his stuff yet, get on it. The man has a deep understanding of what we're going through. So this is kind of a response to his post about the addict and the truck.
I think the way I'm looking at things is that for 34 years I had this person who everyone thought was me, but in reality it was my addiction. It looked just like me, talked, walked, spoke, and even smelled just like me...but it wasn't. That person started showing up when I was 10, taking the Red Man from my friend's dad when I was playing baseball. Over the years every time I'd take a dip, chew, or smoke, that person was there and before I knew it, that other me was the only me.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago and I'm reading an article on, of all things, sexual addiction...don't ask why, I don't even know. Anyway, some of the behaviors they listed started jumping out at me and at that point I had the revelation that I was addicted to Copenhagen/Nicotine. Wow...holy shit...I'm a fucking addict! That's what brought me here to KTC.
I think I mentioned somewhere that I tend to get long-winded...sorry. :(
That revelation triggered something in me. I started really taking a look at myself and the things that I've done over the years and I realized that there was the person I thought I was, and then there was the person everyone else saw. The person that everyone else saw was always sneaking off to do "something" just to get a little dip time; hiding the bulging lip from the kids who weren't smart enough to notice; taking the quick look around to see if anyone would notice me spitting. The person I thought I was didn't really exist...until June 22nd.
So, the discussion over in Souliman's intro talks about how we see/visualize our addictions. Really taking a look at mine looks a lot like multiple personality disorder. Only with these two personalities, I'm having a war. In one corner we have the addict, in the other...the husband, father, coach, mentor, teacher, leader.
Well, the addict has finally been dealt a punishing blow and now he's locked up in a box...and that's how I visualize my addiction. It's locked away, under wraps today, but always with the potential to escape. To counter that I must remain ever vigilant and on-guard. I do that by being accountable to slattern and ShawnNJ, who both quit on the same day as I did. I do that by posting roll each day as soon as I'm awake enough to jump on the computer (yes, most days even before coffee). I do that by reading posts from others who have gone before me and drawing strength and knowledge from them. I do that by reading posts from new quitters and offering my support to them. I do that by telling my family how my quit is progressing and making sure they hold me accountable. And finally, but most importantly, I do that by being a man of my word, honest to myself finally, and promising that just for today I WILL NOT USE NICOTINE.
I've only been at this for two weeks...+1, and there have been days when I thought "this isn't so bad, I can probably do this without KTC." But then I come back to check the site and find something else so honest and insightful that I'm inspired and renewed in my dedication to quit. I don't know who first got KTC started, or how it developed into what it is today, but I thank God that it, and more specifically the people, are here to help me through this.
Thank you KTC; you have given me my life back, just for today...+1
Taz...
Some noob is going to read this thread, and have the "A-Ha" moment that you describe. Thank you for posting this. This post just made my quit stronger today.
Proud of you...glad to be quit with you today!
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Day 15
I was reading a post from Souliman and it got me thinking. If you haven't read his stuff yet, get on it. The man has a deep understanding of what we're going through. So this is kind of a response to his post about the addict and the truck.
I think the way I'm looking at things is that for 34 years I had this person who everyone thought was me, but in reality it was my addiction. It looked just like me, talked, walked, spoke, and even smelled just like me...but it wasn't. That person started showing up when I was 10, taking the Red Man from my friend's dad when I was playing baseball. Over the years every time I'd take a dip, chew, or smoke, that person was there and before I knew it, that other me was the only me.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago and I'm reading an article on, of all things, sexual addiction...don't ask why, I don't even know. Anyway, some of the behaviors they listed started jumping out at me and at that point I had the revelation that I was addicted to Copenhagen/Nicotine. Wow...holy shit...I'm a fucking addict! That's what brought me here to KTC.
I think I mentioned somewhere that I tend to get long-winded...sorry. :(
That revelation triggered something in me. I started really taking a look at myself and the things that I've done over the years and I realized that there was the person I thought I was, and then there was the person everyone else saw. The person that everyone else saw was always sneaking off to do "something" just to get a little dip time; hiding the bulging lip from the kids who weren't smart enough to notice; taking the quick look around to see if anyone would notice me spitting. The person I thought I was didn't really exist...until June 22nd.
So, the discussion over in Souliman's intro talks about how we see/visualize our addictions. Really taking a look at mine looks a lot like multiple personality disorder. Only with these two personalities, I'm having a war. In one corner we have the addict, in the other...the husband, father, coach, mentor, teacher, leader.Â
Well, the addict has finally been dealt a punishing blow and now he's locked up in a box...and that's how I visualize my addiction. It's locked away, under wraps today, but always with the potential to escape. To counter that I must remain ever vigilant and on-guard. I do that by being accountable to slattern and ShawnNJ, who both quit on the same day as I did. I do that by posting roll each day as soon as I'm awake enough to jump on the computer (yes, most days even before coffee). I do that by reading posts from others who have gone before me and drawing strength and knowledge from them. I do that by reading posts from new quitters and offering my support to them. I do that by telling my family how my quit is progressing and making sure they hold me accountable. And finally, but most importantly, I do that by being a man of my word, honest to myself finally, and promising that just for today I WILL NOT USE NICOTINE.
I've only been at this for two weeks...+1, and there have been days when I thought "this isn't so bad, I can probably do this without KTC." But then I come back to check the site and find something else so honest and insightful that I'm inspired and renewed in my dedication to quit. I don't know who first got KTC started, or how it developed into what it is today, but I thank God that it, and more specifically the people, are here to help me through this.
Thank you KTC; you have given me my life back, just for today...+1
'clap'
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Thanks for the props Taz. I'm really glad to hear you got something out of my analogy. For me, that powerful moment of liberation, of freedom happens when you see that the addict ego is mucking things up for the real you and that the two are real and both exist. When you can separate those two, BOOM...that's quit bro. Right there. That's what I think.
Glad to quit with you. Keep up the good work. Reach out if I can do anything.
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Day 16
I just spent the past three hours out in the garage doing some woodworking. Not one crave...not one thought about having a dip in my mouth. That's HUGE for me! I know it's still early for me, but just realizing that I never thought about having one makes me feel like my quit is strong. If I was the type of guy who would throw out a Booyah, I'd do it right there...but that's just not me.
Hey Nic Bitch... kiss my 'arse'
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Day 16
I just spent the past three hours out in the garage doing some woodworking. Not one crave...not one thought about having a dip in my mouth. That's HUGE for me! I know it's still early for me, but just realizing that I never thought about having one makes me feel like my quit is strong. If I was the type of guy who would throw out a Booyah, I'd do it right there...but that's just not me.
Hey Nic Bitch... kiss my 'arse'
First off, congrats on your 16 days.
Second, I don't like to do this and sound like the guy that is looking down on you or telling you you're doing something wrong. Obviously you're doing everything right because you're 16 days quit.
But, from experience, the next 50 days or so are incredibly unpredictable for you. This bitch hides in the corner and comes out of nowhere.
I do agree that you are getting somewhere in your quit. The fact that you didn't think about dip when you normally would have never been seen without one is great.
I want to challenge you though... try to think about your quit whenever you can. If the workshop use to be a craving place then think about that before you go. Most important think about it as much as possible when you are in a social situation.
Buddy, I congratulate you on all 16 days and however many minutes you might be quit. It better just be the start for you. I want to see you succeed, that is why I am suggesting that it is important that at your point in the fight that you keep the nic bitch in your thoughts. I know from experience that she will actually go away just so that she can find a vulnerable spot to sneak up on you.
At day 143 I can honestly say most days I never even think about tobacco but I have also had some of the worst craves.
Keep it up but I have to say be careful because 16 days is damn well in the vulnerable zone. I am just trying to look out for your quit, not trying to shoot you down for your newfound freedom.
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Day 16
I just spent the past three hours out in the garage doing some woodworking. Not one crave...not one thought about having a dip in my mouth. That's HUGE for me! I know it's still early for me, but just realizing that I never thought about having one makes me feel like my quit is strong. If I was the type of guy who would throw out a Booyah, I'd do it right there...but that's just not me.Â
Hey Nic Bitch... kiss my 'arse'
First off, congrats on your 16 days.
Second, I don't like to do this and sound like the guy that is looking down on you or telling you you're doing something wrong. Obviously you're doing everything right because you're 16 days quit.
But, from experience, the next 50 days or so are incredibly unpredictable for you. This bitch hides in the corner and comes out of nowhere.
I do agree that you are getting somewhere in your quit. The fact that you didn't think about dip when you normally would have never been seen without one is great.
I want to challenge you though... try to think about your quit whenever you can. If the workshop use to be a craving place then think about that before you go. Most important think about it as much as possible when you are in a social situation.
Buddy, I congratulate you on all 16 days and however many minutes you might be quit. It better just be the start for you. I want to see you succeed, that is why I am suggesting that it is important that at your point in the fight that you keep the nic bitch in your thoughts. I know from experience that she will actually go away just so that she can find a vulnerable spot to sneak up on you.
At day 143 I can honestly say most days I never even think about tobacco but I have also had some of the worst craves.
Keep it up but I have to say be careful because 16 days is damn well in the vulnerable zone. I am just trying to look out for your quit, not trying to shoot you down for your newfound freedom.
Yep, totally understand where you're coming from and I appreciate your warning...and in no way do I think I have this thing licked. I just realized that for the first time in 30+ years I was doing something without a dip and without even thinking about it. Three weeks ago that would have been impossible. Just expressing a little happiness about what I feel is an accomplishment.
See my Day 15 post to see how I'm approaching my quit. Thanks for your support!
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But, from experience, the next 50 days or so are incredibly unpredictable for you. This bitch hides in the corner and comes out of nowhere.
I want to challenge you though... try to think about your quit whenever you can. If the workshop use to be a craving place then think about that before you go. Most important think about it as much as possible when you are in a social situation.
Buddy, I congratulate you on all 16 days and however many minutes you might be quit. It better just be the start for you. I want to see you succeed, that is why I am suggesting that it is important that at your point in the fight that you keep the nic bitch in your thoughts. I know from experience that she will actually go away just so that she can find a vulnerable spot to sneak up on you.
This is good stuff. Magnum is spot on. Own it.
Nice work Taz.
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FUCK!!!!!
Anyone who's worked in a hospital knows what an accreditation survey means...well, our surveyors just walked in. So here I am, sitting alone in my office when the announcement goes out that they're here and I immediately start thinking about finding my Copenhagen. No worries though, the closest can that I'm aware of is a 5 minute drive away (plus a five minute walk each way, to and from the parking garage)...and with the surveyors here, I can't leave. 'winker'
So far my quit hasn't been too stressful, 20 days in and no major issues...that changed this morning. The good news is that I'm still fully committed to my quit; the bad news is that this will be a shitty week. However, I know that I'll get through this because you guys are here, and I've got a bunch of numbers if I need them. I've heard people talk about the NB sneaking up on you and tripping you up when you're not paying attention. She tried this morning and I bitch-slapped her back into her cage where she belongs by coming back to KTC.
Thank you, my brothers and sisters, for being here and for being committed to EVERY quit.
Copenhagen? I don't need no stinkin' Copenhagen 'Finger'
Taz
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You have this!
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this is all you taz.
show that bitch who's boss.
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Taz,
I'm on day 12 myself. Its getting easier. We are in this together and we can do it!!
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'bang head' ------Tazmed
Day 30
So this has been an interesting couple weeks since my last post. Our accreditation survey went pretty well, even without the surveyors wanting to talk to me...which actually got me a little pissed off. I'm essentially running two departments by myself and I wanted someone to take an outside look at what I'm doing and let me know if I'm even doing things right. Oh well, maybe next year.
Fast forward to this past Monday and this shit (http://www.mailtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?category=SPECIAL70) is what I walk into when I get to work. Some mutt decides to whack his entire family and then set his house on fire...we received the four dead kids...totally fucked up day.
So, there I am in our hospital command center with the majority of our administration, trying to make sure we've got everything covered, putting out fires, just wanting everything to run as smooth as possible and that BITCH shows up. I feel like my head's in a vise, mouth is dry, getting fogged in, phone ringing off the hook, no time to "phone a friend", major stress...MAJOR CRAVES!!!
All I can say is it's a damn good thing that I didn't have access to anything because I seriously wanted a dip. I'm not sure I would have been able to walk away if someone would have offered me something. Right there in the middle of our command center, I probably would have caved and dropped a big lipper in. Fortunately someone needed something from down the hall; I volunteered and I was able to step out for a couple minutes and run over to our gift shop where they carry a couple varieties of beef jerky.
It was pretty funny walking back into the command center with a big chunk of jerky in my cheek and our CEO wondering just what the hell I was thinking...but all I can tell you is that I was thinking about my quit and everyone here at KTC. You guys had been promised something early Monday morning and I knew that I hadn't gotten permission to cave. So...now it's Thursday afternoon and almost time to head home. I'm still having some serious cravings, but I've got a brand new bag of jerky to keep my occupied (the red pepper shit is REALLY GOOD!).
Anyway, just wanted to update the three people following my quit. ;) Thanks again for being stuck in my head and reminding me that
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'bang head' ------Tazmed
Day 30
So this has been an interesting couple weeks since my last post. Our accreditation survey went pretty well, even without the surveyors wanting to talk to me...which actually got me a little pissed off. I'm essentially running two departments by myself and I wanted someone to take an outside look at what I'm doing and let me know if I'm even doing things right. Oh well, maybe next year.
Fast forward to this past Monday and this shit (http://www.mailtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?category=SPECIAL70) is what I walk into when I get to work. Some mutt decides to whack his entire family and then set his house on fire...we received the four dead kids...totally fucked up day.
So, there I am in our hospital command center with the majority of our administration, trying to make sure we've got everything covered, putting out fires, just wanting everything to run as smooth as possible and that BITCH shows up. I feel like my head's in a vise, mouth is dry, getting fogged in, phone ringing off the hook, no time to "phone a friend", major stress...MAJOR CRAVES!!!
All I can say is it's a damn good thing that I didn't have access to anything because I seriously wanted a dip. I'm not sure I would have been able to walk away if someone would have offered me something. Right there in the middle of our command center, I probably would have caved and dropped a big lipper in. Fortunately someone needed something from down the hall; I volunteered and I was able to step out for a couple minutes and run over to our gift shop where they carry a couple varieties of beef jerky.
It was pretty funny walking back into the command center with a big chunk of jerky in my cheek and our CEO wondering just what the hell I was thinking...but all I can tell you is that I was thinking about my quit and everyone here at KTC. You guys had been promised something early Monday morning and I knew that I hadn't gotten permission to cave. So...now it's Thursday afternoon and almost time to head home. I'm still having some serious cravings, but I've got a brand new bag of jerky to keep my occupied (the red pepper shit is REALLY GOOD!).
Anyway, just wanted to update the three people following my quit. ;) Thanks again for being stuck in my head and reminding me that
Did you have Joint Commission at your place too? They are at my hospital trying to fuck everything up this week. Anyway, I'm glad to be quit with you and I'm glad you were able to handle that crave like a champ. Good fucking job man.
'clap'
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Did you have Joint Commission at your place too? They are at my hospital trying to fuck everything up this week. Anyway, I'm glad to be quit with you and I'm glad you were able to handle that crave like a champ. Good fucking job man.
'clap'
No, we dumped TJC a few years ago and went with DNV (Det Norske Veritas). MUCH BETTER organization.
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Day 34
Some day these challenges will end...
This may turn into a long rant, so if it does, you have my apology in advance. I've been quit for just over a month and I've had good days and bad days. Occasionally I'll get a crave and head for the beef jerky or gum. Nothing's been too overwhelming yet so in relation to a number of others here, my quit has been a breeze (no offense to anyone having troubles).
So, for the past roughly 18 months, my wife and I have been geographically separated because of our jobs. Two weeks ago we were finally able to get our family back together under one roof. The stress went up quite a bit, but I was committed to my quit so the thoughts of heading up to buy a can quickly passed.
Then comes yesterday morning...the phone call early in the morning to let us know that one of our older kids had been in a boating accident and had almost died. He's now in the intensive care unit (3000 miles away) with a traumatic brain injury and is going in for surgery this morning to remove a piece of his skull to allow his brain to swell. My wife is working on getting a plane ticket back to the east coast which will leave me here with the three youngest kids indefinitely. I can't catch a break...
I am resolved to maintain my quit, no matter what happens. I have my quit brothers Slattern and ShawnNJ to keep me honest, and a few veterans to reach out to if needed. I've got numbers, emails, skypes, and so on...I'll be fine. Maybe I just needed a place to bitch for a bit, who knows... I've always been a believer in the concept of "this too shall pass" and shit doesn't last forever, but damn...I'm ready for the shit to pass. :angry:
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My prayers are with you and your family, tazmed.
Proud to be quit with you,
Dale
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Wow. I can't imagine the stress and emotions that you must be going though. I will pray for you and your family.
I'm proud to be quit with you.
Pat.
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Day 34
Some day these challenges will end...
This may turn into a long rant, so if it does, you have my apology in advance. I've been quit for just over a month and I've had good days and bad days. Occasionally I'll get a crave and head for the beef jerky or gum. Nothing's been too overwhelming yet so in relation to a number of others here, my quit has been a breeze (no offense to anyone having troubles).
So, for the past roughly 18 months, my wife and I have been geographically separated because of our jobs. Two weeks ago we were finally able to get our family back together under one roof. The stress went up quite a bit, but I was committed to my quit so the thoughts of heading up to buy a can quickly passed.
Then comes yesterday morning...the phone call early in the morning to let us know that one of our older kids had been in a boating accident and had almost died. He's now in the intensive care unit (3000 miles away) with a traumatic brain injury and is going in for surgery this morning to remove a piece of his skull to allow his brain to swell. My wife is working on getting a plane ticket back to the east coast which will leave me here with the three youngest kids indefinitely. I can't catch a break...
I am resolved to maintain my quit, no matter what happens. I have my quit brothers Slattern and ShawnNJ to keep me honest, and a few veterans to reach out to if needed. I've got numbers, emails, skypes, and so on...I'll be fine. Maybe I just needed a place to bitch for a bit, who knows... I've always been a believer in the concept of "this too shall pass" and shit doesn't last forever, but damn...I'm ready for the shit to pass. :angry:
Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family brother. Proud to be quit with you. JT
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Thanks for the responses guys...I'm not sure I was prepared for how your support would affect me emotionally...let's just say I'm glad I was alone. :wacko:
Just a quick update, the surgery went well and relieved the pressure on his brain (ICP between 1-5, down from a high of 50 for the medical types). He's off all sedation at this point but still hasn't shown purposeful motion since the surgery...so we're still waiting, hoping and praying.
Again, thanks to those of you who responded. I can't begin to tell you what it meant to have people I've never met step up and offer their support. You guys rock!
More as I get it...
T
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Taz,
I also want to add my thoughts and prayers.
Peace brother
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Thanks for the update. My best thoughts are with you and your family.
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Taz,
You are the fucking man. My thoughts are with you and your family in this tough time. You have some serious strength and resolve. Glad to be quit with you today.
Jeremy
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Day 42
Well...this has been a fun ride. I guess just breaking a 34 year addiction wasn't interesting enough for me. Nooooooo, I had to throw a bunch of added stressors in there just to liven things up a bit. So let's see...
A surprise accreditation survey at the hospital where my programs are way behind because they were neglected for many years.
A tragic event that affected my hospital and community (and made national news) that we're still running counseling sessions for.
My step-son is in an accident that should have killed him and will take months, possibly years to recover from. For those following Doug, he should be getting out of the ICU today. :D
My wife moves across the country after 16 months of separation because of my job and starts her own new job, only to have to fly back to the other side of the country to take care of our son.
I get to play single dad for twin 11 year old girls and a 10 year old boy who all HAVE ISSUES of their own!
Clearly I don't do things the simple way...but, it's all good. Because, even though the feeling if wanting a dip are still there (and pretty strong at times), I am quit today...and that's all that matters. I'm taking this day by day and feeling better with each one that passes. I never would have thought I could go 10 days, let alone 42, without Copenhagen, but with the support of everyone here I'm well on my way to staying free from the nic bitch. So...here's to day 42...Bring it!
B)
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You are a champion Taz. You really are. With all that and you being able to stay on the path is inspirational to lots of folks bro. Talk about conviction...man you got it. Glad you're here and I'm always willing to help if I can.
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I am glad your step son is improving. Proud to be quit with you!
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Thoughts on Day 55...maybe more of a bitch session.
I'm pissed off today. I don't know why, but I am. I'm sitting here at my desk at work, plowing through the sunflower seeds and accomplishing absolutely nothing. I have a headache, my ears are ringing, and I feel dizzy and out of touch. There's nothing different about how my day started, but something is just way off today and I can't put my finger on it.
There's a guy at work, our facilities manager, who is responsible for new construction projects. I just sent him the quote he asked for two weeks ago and now he says he knows nothing about it. That pisses me off... I have a desk full of shit I should be working on, but I can't get started today. That pisses me off... There are people caving left and right in the quit groups. THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF...
We just got back from a family camping trip and everyone had a great time. I'm getting ready to spend a week in the woods doing things that I love. My step-son is still in the hospital but he's making small improvements every day. I should be really happy right now but for some reason I can't pull myself out of this funk...and that pisses me off. Why can't I get a Mulligan for today?
So...if you're doing your homework and reading the different quit groups you know that there's a ton of drama happening now, primarily in October and November. People who should know better are creating problems for a lot of the newer quitters and that's pissing off the people who've been around for a while. (no, I'm not considering myself a veteran) All of it seems so unnecessary...if you're quit, stay quit. If you're going to fuck around and cave, then go somewhere else to play your games and spread your misery. I've heard some say that others caving only strengthens their quit. I don't know if it does or not, but I do know that drama doesn't create anything that helps. Maybe that's what's eating at me today; I don't know. I want to crawl back in bed and start over today but that's not an option either. Shit...
I'm still quit and I'm pushing through the 50's. If that's as good as today gets, I'll take it.
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I struggled with similar Stage 2 Fog. It lasted for a very long time - months. It went away.
There are dozens - if not thousands - of harsh chemicals in dip in addition to nicotine. You are still in an early period of recovering from long-term abuse by exposure to this chemical insult, that has changed your body and brain in both reversible and irreversible ways.
However, you are going to make it through all this. Your life will become more and more free - and this is more and more true long after you reach those first 100 days of staying clean. One day at a time.
Good stuff, tazmed. Congratulations on burying nicotine 55 days deep. Keep shoveling. Stay quit.
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I had the funk in the 50s, 70s and the 120s. It sucked. I just felt bad. I was a depressed. The good news is that I am at day 248 and I have not had it since the 120s.
I make a ledger sometimes to help. Something like this:
7,300 days using vs. 248 days clean.
Yea, you have give your body a chance to clean up as nine said. Hang tough. Bitch all you need to on the site. Know that we read your thoughts on your thread. I see that 1,067 people have read your thread. PM if I can help more.
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TAZ,
You dipped for years versus only 55 days of quit. It is amazing what the human body/mind can do to heal itself in just 55 days! The good news is that the next funk will not be as bad or last for as long. The real good news as Scowick just pointed out, one day they will not exist--the addiction will always exist (NOT ONE DIP EVER) but the pain will subside and cease to exist!.
The funk is not who you really are--it is a lie---it is the addiction trying to keep you from freedom.
Your quit is strong! You have one of the strongest Quits in your group.
LL
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Taz,
Your intro is one of the best I've read. Don't know why, really just hit me in a powerful way. Screw the funks! You'll emerge better and strong after they pass.
Keep up the good quit, brother.
PS: Thank you for your service to this country! (Catapults? That had to be kind cool, huh?)
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Thoughts on Day 55...maybe more of a bitch session.
I'm pissed off today. I don't know why, but I am. I'm sitting here at my desk at work, plowing through the sunflower seeds and accomplishing absolutely nothing. I have a headache, my ears are ringing, and I feel dizzy and out of touch. There's nothing different about how my day started, but something is just way off today and I can't put my finger on it.
There's a guy at work, our facilities manager, who is responsible for new construction projects. I just sent him the quote he asked for two weeks ago and now he says he knows nothing about it. That pisses me off... I have a desk full of shit I should be working on, but I can't get started today. That pisses me off... There are people caving left and right in the quit groups. THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF...
We just got back from a family camping trip and everyone had a great time. I'm getting ready to spend a week in the woods doing things that I love. My step-son is still in the hospital but he's making small improvements every day. I should be really happy right now but for some reason I can't pull myself out of this funk...and that pisses me off. Why can't I get a Mulligan for today?
So...if you're doing your homework and reading the different quit groups you know that there's a ton of drama happening now, primarily in October and November. People who should know better are creating problems for a lot of the newer quitters and that's pissing off the people who've been around for a while. (no, I'm not considering myself a veteran) All of it seems so unnecessary...if you're quit, stay quit. If you're going to fuck around and cave, then go somewhere else to play your games and spread your misery. I've heard some say that others caving only strengthens their quit. I don't know if it does or not, but I do know that drama doesn't create anything that helps. Maybe that's what's eating at me today; I don't know. I want to crawl back in bed and start over today but that's not an option either. Shit...
I'm still quit and I'm pushing through the 50's. If that's as good as today gets, I'll take it.
Well put. I agree and know what you are going through. Very well. Good news is that it's temporary. I enjoyed reading this, which made my quit stronger today.
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People who should know better are creating problems for a lot of the newer quitters..
I will tell you, as one of these new quitters (Day 2, longest I have ever gone), what you said impacts me a hell of a lot more than what some of these assholes are doing. Quite frankly, I could give two shits right now if someone else caves; I am just starting out and I would rather read about someone gutting it out (you, and many others on here), than some clown who does not have the balls to quit.
And, when I do read the bullshit that they are up to, it is not fucking it up for the newer guys (or at least this is true in my case). Frankly, they are emboldening me to stay strong. Sure, I could have caved today after sitting in boring ass class for 6 straight hours without a dip, and then going to another 2 hour class without having one all day. I could have done it and not told any of you, or just ignored the site for a few days, or whatever else these guys do. But you know what? I did not cave. I did not want to be anything like the guys who are getting their asses chewed out (no pun intended) right now. Because of their bitching and moaning, and their weakness, I did NOT cave today. Fuck them.
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People who should know better are creating problems for a lot of the newer quitters..
I will tell you, as one of these new quitters (Day 2, longest I have ever gone), what you said impacts me a hell of a lot more than what some of these assholes are doing. Quite frankly, I could give two shits right now if someone else caves; I am just starting out and I would rather read about someone gutting it out (you, and many others on here), than some clown who does not have the balls to quit.
And, when I do read the bullshit that they are up to, it is not fucking it up for the newer guys (or at least this is true in my case). Frankly, they are emboldening me to stay strong. Sure, I could have caved today after sitting in boring ass class for 6 straight hours without a dip, and then going to another 2 hour class without having one all day. I could have done it and not told any of you, or just ignored the site for a few days, or whatever else these guys do. But you know what? I did not cave. I did not want to be anything like the guys who are getting their asses chewed out (no pun intended) right now. Because of their bitching and moaning, and their weakness, I did NOT cave today. Fuck them.
You will go far with that attitude. The quit is strong with this one.
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Thoughts on Day 55...maybe more of a bitch session.
I'm pissed off today. I don't know why, but I am. I'm sitting here at my desk at work, plowing through the sunflower seeds and accomplishing absolutely nothing. I have a headache, my ears are ringing, and I feel dizzy and out of touch. There's nothing different about how my day started, but something is just way off today and I can't put my finger on it.
There's a guy at work, our facilities manager, who is responsible for new construction projects. I just sent him the quote he asked for two weeks ago and now he says he knows nothing about it. That pisses me off... I have a desk full of shit I should be working on, but I can't get started today. That pisses me off... There are people caving left and right in the quit groups. THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF...
We just got back from a family camping trip and everyone had a great time. I'm getting ready to spend a week in the woods doing things that I love. My step-son is still in the hospital but he's making small improvements every day. I should be really happy right now but for some reason I can't pull myself out of this funk...and that pisses me off. Why can't I get a Mulligan for today?
So...if you're doing your homework and reading the different quit groups you know that there's a ton of drama happening now, primarily in October and November. People who should know better are creating problems for a lot of the newer quitters and that's pissing off the people who've been around for a while. (no, I'm not considering myself a veteran) All of it seems so unnecessary...if you're quit, stay quit. If you're going to fuck around and cave, then go somewhere else to play your games and spread your misery. I've heard some say that others caving only strengthens their quit. I don't know if it does or not, but I do know that drama doesn't create anything that helps. Maybe that's what's eating at me today; I don't know. I want to crawl back in bed and start over today but that's not an option either. Shit...
I'm still quit and I'm pushing through the 50's. If that's as good as today gets, I'll take it.
Thanks for sharing. Its nice knowing others have shitty days too. Thanks for the support you continue to show me as well. Make sure to remember how you are getting through the fifties, it will be good info for me inabout 39 days.
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Day 59
I've been trading PM's with the Colonel this morning because of the weirdest deja vu experience I've ever had (I think we're psychic brothers or something now) and I realized that my PM's were getting longer and longer...and I started to feel sorry for him for having to read through my ramblings. So, here I am to inflict my thoughts on you, gentle reader. :rolleyes:
Let's see...day 59 is almost in the books. I woke up this morning and after my first cup of coffee and posting roll I decided to check out a little Facebook. What do you know, there's a message from an old shipmate of mine with a video of us working on the flight deck. Ahh the memories...dodging the aircraft, the smell of jet fuel and exhaust, working for three days straight, laying down in a firehose rack just to get a 5 minute nap before the next launch, finding the secret places to hide and throw in a dip...wait, why did that pop into my head? That's not a "good" memory...what the hell???
The past few days have been full of instances where memories and craves have popped into my head that I wasn't expecting. Just the other night I was out walking with Rush blasting away on my iPod and the thought hit me...I should have a dip in right now. The more I thought about it the madder I got, and before it was over I had walked 4.5 miles around my neighborhood. I think the people I passed three times down the street were starting to get worried about me.
Sitting in my office today I'm thinking about the 8 days I'll be spending in the woods starting tomorrow. For some reason I find myself thinking about dropping in a dip...camping last weekend went fine, without any craves...why now? I'm two months into my quit and so far it's been pretty easy for me; why am I getting the weird craves now? Is my brain screwing with me, making me want to stop on my way out of town and buy a roll of Copenhagen? I don't think so, but who knows? I've been spending so much money on beef jerky over the past week that the mountain bike I was going to buy for my HoF present with the money I'm saving from not buying Copenhagen might just have to be delayed. Damn...
I guess this whole thing just serves as a reminder that we need to stay vigilant, no matter where we are, how far into our quit we are, or what kind of situation we find ourselves in. She will sneak up on you when you're not looking and jump on your back once again. There are some new cavers in November who are proof enough for me. My quit is strong, but I have a plan to deal with things when they come up unexpectedly...do you?
Stay strong... 'archer'
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Hmmmm....Day 69... :P
I could comment on my number today in any manner of ways, but I don't think I will. I'll keep that between the missus and I.
So I'm back after 8 days of camping and no internet access. I had some really interesting thoughts while I was in the woods about my quit, and some things that really made me a little nervous. If you're not aware, I am responsible for adult Boy Scout leader training in my area and this past week has been a week long course that we put on called Wood Badge. It's a leadership course, not about scouting skills. Anyway, we spent the week at a Scout camp without internet access but down by the lake I could pick up a slight phone signal so I posted with the crackberry.
To say that it was a busy week would be an understatement...up at 0530 and going non-stop until around midnight each day. I had to make time to go find a phone signal...but I did it. There were a couple mornings that I got a little preoccupied with what I was doing and didn't get to post until later and those mornings really stressed me out. Yesterday was one of them...I couldn't post until I was actually on the road heading home. I got a few strange looks from people passing by who saw me sitting on the side of the highway, my truck bed overflowing with camping gear and a trailer to match, and me sitting there punching the little buttons on my phone with my fat thumbs.
The thoughts about not being able to post varied between near frantic and generally blase'...and that's what made me nervous. I keep hearing about the 70's funk and I may have ventured into it a little early. I kept having thoughts like "I'm out here in the middle of nowhere without access to any dip. I'm still quit and there's no chance of screwing that up, so not posting won't be a problem." Then it occurred to me that this is the first step towards a cave. From that point on, it was imperative that I post roll EVERY DAY no matter how long it took, or what I had to put on hold in order to do it. In this case, I kept the course director waiting for about 10 minutes while I went in search of a signal...it was worth it.
So I'm back today and I want to skip out on work so I can go back and read all the news from the week I missed. Unfortunately, I don't think my boss would approve. Anyway, I just wanted to check in and re-affirm my quit. I got a couple texts from my brothers which were really appreciated and that helped keep my mind straight. I'm glad to be back, and glad to be quit with everyone.
Bring on the 70's...I got this. 'arse'
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Nice work Taz. Saw some of your pics and that looked like some nice country.
Good quitting and I can relate to those frantic feelings of getting my name down early. Now a days, putting my name down is like screaming it to the world. Hell yes I quit.
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Day 80
Well...this has been an interesting day.
First a little background: In 1972 my grandparents adopted me because my mother and father weren't what you'd call model parents. I have a full brother who I was raised apart from but we'd seen each other off and on until 1987. I can remember seeing my father three times in my entire life...two time were when he was in jail and the last time in 1985 just before I went into the Navy. So, I haven't seen my father and brother in 26 and 24 years respectively...
Fast forward to this week: My mother (bio) has had this idea in her head that I need to meet up with my father and "mend fences". As many mothers have the tendency to do, she tried to play the guilt card...maybe I should have told her that I don't play that game. Anyway, she lays this guilt trip on my head about how my father is 65 years old now and not in the best of health so I shouldn't waste any time making my decision. Well, I'm a procrastinator by trade so I hadn't made any decisions.
Then comes today when I get a voicemail from my mother who says my neice is a patient in the hospital I work in because she had a ruptured appendix. So here I am sitting in my office and it hits me...pediatrics is right above my office. Two of the people I've been avoiding for roughly 25 years are, right now, in the unit directly above my head. :unsure:
Well, I decided to bite the bullet and go introduce myself...but at the moment when I made that decision the biggest crave I've ever had hit me like to brick wall. 'bang head' I'm quit, and there's no way I'm going to cave today (because I promised you assholes this morning) but holy shit, that was a huge crave.
Anyway, I headed upstairs and walked through the fire door and literally ran right into them. My father, my brother, his wife, and my neice. The funny thing was that it was my brother who recognized me first having not seen me since 1987. It was totally awkward, but I think probably worth it. We talked a bit, had lunch, fumbled for words, and after about an hour said our goodbyes.
I don't know if it's too late to start a relationship with my father and brother, but the opportunity is there. Aside from biology, the one thing we have in common is that we're all addicts...just different substances. In making my decision to go upstairs and meet them I thought about my quit, and that's what made the difference. If I can kick a 34 year addiction to the curb every morning, I can grab my sack and take a little walk up a flight of stairs and face some other demons. So, thanks KTC, in helping me to be strong enough to quit dipping, I've found the strength to do other difficult things. 'Cheers'
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Thanks for posting that Taz. Inspirational. Fences can be mended.
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Thanks for posting that Taz. Inspirational. Fences can be mended.
Yes, thanks for sharing.
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Day 92
What we've got here is failure to communicate...
I'm sitting here in my office with my ADHD running full speed ahead, can't concentrate on anything for more than a couple minutes. So what do I do when that happens? I go and read the KTC forums, of course.
So I'm flipping through the pages (groups) and introductions and I start thinking about the new guys, and retreads, I've reached out to throughout my 92 days. Aglawyer, Gladitsnotheroine (misspelling and all), Justin, UIman, Colonel No Cope, Prada (she's still at sea, by the way), and quite a few others. I have to include Slattern and ShawnNJ as well as they're my June 22nd quit brothers. In considering each of these guys (and girl) who I'm still in contact with, I wonder why the others dropped off.
I know that there have been a few times when I've said something that probably pissed someone off. Other times I may have dropped the ball and not recognized that someone needed more from me. So what's the answer? Is there something more that I could have done to keep these guys engaged? Did I run someone off in the initial stage of their quit? Push them back into the can? I can only hope that's not the case. But then a thought hits me...who's responsibility is it?
Every morning for the past three months I have awakened bright and early and posted roll as soon as I could. Even the eight days I spent in the woods where I had to seek out a cell signal to post with my Blackberry, I posted early. Posting roll is MY responsibility and no one else's. Why should I be concerned if someone else posts roll, or doesn't? Posting is the reason I'm still quit after three months. But then I think that's the communication problem that the people who dropped off never really got. I'm here and they're not because I posted every day and they didn't. The question is, what can we do about it...should we do something about it?
I hear a lot of talk about accountability. I know a lot about accountability...or lack thereof. I stood out in the middle of Savannah Highway in Charleston on the night of June 18th, 2007 when they killed nine firefighters in the Sofa Super Store Fire (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charleston_Sofa_Super_Store_fire) because they didn't have any accountability...five close friends of mine are in the ground now because of it. So how does that apply to KTC?
KTC is a brotherhood, very similar to others, yet very different. Each one of us has a very different background, but we all have something in common...we're all addicts. So with the KTC brotherhood we have this thing called accountability...just like the fire department should have had. They failed and good people died. If we fail...people can also die...maybe not as suddenly, but they're just as dead...and in my mind, a more painful death because it's long and drawn out. If we're not accountable to each other, we can die. It's that simple. If I don't post roll early each morning I expect one of my brothers or sisters to track me down and find out why. I will also be more accountable to my brothers by making sure they're posting early...something I haven't been as faithful in as I should be. I will do better...funerals for friends suck. 'archer'
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I went through a phase of thinking the same. Thinking I owe folks my best effort to help them quit because only the Lord knows how many innocent folks I watched stuff their first dip into their lip from one my cans.
I look at it as living in the middle of a school of fish. Its a giant school, lots of fish in here. Lots of fish I never swum next to before and some that were in the school and got distracted by a shiny lure and veered off while the rest of us kept swimming straight. If you swim straight and swim hard, the fish next to you follow your direction. Can't worry about the ones far away. There's nothing you can do for them. You just hope that a fish next to you is next to fish that is next to a fish that is next to them. If all those fish swim straight and hard, we'll make it.
My point is you swim straight Taz. And you sure as hell swim hard. I know because I'm swimming next to you.
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TAZMED,
I've enjoyed reading your posts over these last three weeks and look forward to many more. Do you still live in Charleston? I am on James Island. -cas
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Thanks for posting that Taz. Inspirational. Fences can be mended.
Yes, thanks for sharing.
nice story taz. you should keep in touch and do the right thing. only in your eyes and not anybody elses. you did really good. bet you would have felt like a total asshole had you not gotten up and walked upstairs. good job!
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TAZMED,
I've enjoyed reading your posts over these last three weeks and look forward to many more. Do you still live in Charleston? I am on James Island. -cas
Nope, I left Charleston in March of last year. Still have some kids there (along with two houses that we can't sell) so we're back and forth from coast to coast a couple times each year.
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Day 111
Where have all my brothers gone? September has already lost 5 guys after reaching the hall, and about 5 or 6 more on the verge of dropping to the slacker section of our spreadsheet. Maybe they're just stronger than I am but I think I need this place. Trying to keep up with the philosophy of Souliman alone keeps bringing me back. Well, where ever they went, I wish them well and hope their quits stay strong.
So I spent the past hour reading through this intro thread. I think Nico suggested that I do that so I could see how my quit progresses...thanks for the recommendation. I enjoyed going back and reliving all that. :rolleyes:
I suppose I should sit down and write my Hall of Fame speech, but for some reason I'm just not feeling really motivated to do that. In my mind, speeches like that are supposed to be inspirational, or if nothing else, educational. I'm not feeling either of those today. About the best part of my day was my visit to the dentist this morning...and even that wasn't that great. The funny part was my boss (the CEO) walking into the waiting room while I was sitting there reading a magazine. Never expected that!!! :blink:
Now, here I am at 111 days of quit and I was actually looking forward to my visit, thinking that I'd get all kinds of accolades from the dentist for taking my life back and quitting the demon weed after so many years. Crickets... Oh sure, she said that it was a pretty big accomplishment, but it seemed like it was just another statement from just another patient...something along the lines of "I think I'll cut the grass when I get home." I was even ready to launch into my sales pitch for KTC, but she didn't really seem that interested. I don't know what I was expecting, but I walked away a little bummed about the whole thing. Oh well, I'm still quit and that's all that matters. Oh yeah, the teeth and gums are great. B)
Well, I suppose I should try and do something productive. Stay strong and stay quit.
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Day 111
Where have all my brothers gone? September has already lost 5 guys after reaching the hall, and about 5 or 6 more on the verge of dropping to the slacker section of our spreadsheet. Maybe they're just stronger than I am but I think I need this place. Trying to keep up with the philosophy of Souliman alone keeps bringing me back. Well, where ever they went, I wish them well and hope their quits stay strong.
So I spent the past hour reading through this intro thread. I think Nico suggested that I do that so I could see how my quit progresses...thanks for the recommendation. I enjoyed going back and reliving all that. :rolleyes:
I suppose I should sit down and write my Hall of Fame speech, but for some reason I'm just not feeling really motivated to do that. In my mind, speeches like that are supposed to be inspirational, or if nothing else, educational. I'm not feeling either of those today. About the best part of my day was my visit to the dentist this morning...and even that wasn't that great. The funny part was my boss (the CEO) walking into the waiting room while I was sitting there reading a magazine. Never expected that!!! :blink:
Now, here I am at 111 days of quit and I was actually looking forward to my visit, thinking that I'd get all kinds of accolades from the dentist for taking my life back and quitting the demon weed after so many years. Crickets... Oh sure, she said that it was a pretty big accomplishment, but it seemed like it was just another statement from just another patient...something along the lines of "I think I'll cut the grass when I get home." I was even ready to launch into my sales pitch for KTC, but she didn't really seem that interested. I don't know what I was expecting, but I walked away a little bummed about the whole thing. Oh well, I'm still quit and that's all that matters. Oh yeah, the teeth and gums are great. B)
Well, I suppose I should try and do something productive. Stay strong and stay quit.
That dentist isn't an addict so doesn't understand. Just like my own dentist and doc who would constantly hound me to quit - not understanding WHY I would not just quit.
Your accomplishment is huge and make no mistake, your continued presence here likely strengthens your quit but definitely is a great means of support for others. While you and I haven't spoken much on here, I notice and certainly appreciate the support you give to me on the rolls. You are just one more person that I know looks for my name on there, which gives me the additional feeling of accountability, knowing that if I fell off the site you'd be thinking that I was just another douche. Thanks for that...I need that. Glad you remain here after hitting the hall.
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Day 111
Where have all my brothers gone? September has already lost 5 guys after reaching the hall, and about 5 or 6 more on the verge of dropping to the slacker section of our spreadsheet. Maybe they're just stronger than I am but I think I need this place. Trying to keep up with the philosophy of Souliman alone keeps bringing me back. Well, where ever they went, I wish them well and hope their quits stay strong.
So I spent the past hour reading through this intro thread. I think Nico suggested that I do that so I could see how my quit progresses...thanks for the recommendation. I enjoyed going back and reliving all that. :rolleyes:
I suppose I should sit down and write my Hall of Fame speech, but for some reason I'm just not feeling really motivated to do that. In my mind, speeches like that are supposed to be inspirational, or if nothing else, educational. I'm not feeling either of those today. About the best part of my day was my visit to the dentist this morning...and even that wasn't that great. The funny part was my boss (the CEO) walking into the waiting room while I was sitting there reading a magazine. Never expected that!!! :blink:
Now, here I am at 111 days of quit and I was actually looking forward to my visit, thinking that I'd get all kinds of accolades from the dentist for taking my life back and quitting the demon weed after so many years. Crickets... Oh sure, she said that it was a pretty big accomplishment, but it seemed like it was just another statement from just another patient...something along the lines of "I think I'll cut the grass when I get home." I was even ready to launch into my sales pitch for KTC, but she didn't really seem that interested. I don't know what I was expecting, but I walked away a little bummed about the whole thing. Oh well, I'm still quit and that's all that matters. Oh yeah, the teeth and gums are great. B)
Well, I suppose I should try and do something productive. Stay strong and stay quit.
Hey Taz...forget them. Sure it is nice to have support. My family, my kids, may parents , and my friends are so happy and supportive, and there is no doubt it is nice to have someone in the corner cheering you on.
But....you know what, they were also trying very hard for the last couple years to get me to quit....and I didn't. Until a month ago. because I said so, because I made the decision, and I made the quit. I make the choice to put the poison in my pie hole or not.
The quit and all the benefits that go with are yours. Your life, your face, your heart health, your smile. Your sense of accomplishment and the pride you have in yourself for being stronger that the devils weed. Of course it would be nice to have the dentist heap praise on you for quitting, and some dentists will, but some just don't give a shit, you are just another set of teeth to clean and your jaw rotting off from cancer is not her problem in the big picture. Considering that her words of praise are hollow and trite.
The most important praise should come from inside of you. You alone know how hard it was and you alone know much it means, you alone know the priceless gift you have given yourself.
Focus on that, hold your head high, and be proud of yourself, for yourself. It's your life, your face, your health, and you are the one who had the strength to jump on the train tracks and save it.
Be proud brother, and know that ALL of us are proud of you as well and know just what you are going through.
Stay strong, stay quit....in camaraderie with you,
Pogue
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Day 111
Where have all my brothers gone? September has already lost 5 guys after reaching the hall, and about 5 or 6 more on the verge of dropping to the slacker section of our spreadsheet. Maybe they're just stronger than I am but I think I need this place. Trying to keep up with the philosophy of Souliman alone keeps bringing me back. Well, where ever they went, I wish them well and hope their quits stay strong.
So I spent the past hour reading through this intro thread. I think Nico suggested that I do that so I could see how my quit progresses...thanks for the recommendation. I enjoyed going back and reliving all that. :rolleyes:
I suppose I should sit down and write my Hall of Fame speech, but for some reason I'm just not feeling really motivated to do that. In my mind, speeches like that are supposed to be inspirational, or if nothing else, educational. I'm not feeling either of those today. About the best part of my day was my visit to the dentist this morning...and even that wasn't that great. The funny part was my boss (the CEO) walking into the waiting room while I was sitting there reading a magazine. Never expected that!!! :blink:
Now, here I am at 111 days of quit and I was actually looking forward to my visit, thinking that I'd get all kinds of accolades from the dentist for taking my life back and quitting the demon weed after so many years. Crickets... Oh sure, she said that it was a pretty big accomplishment, but it seemed like it was just another statement from just another patient...something along the lines of "I think I'll cut the grass when I get home." I was even ready to launch into my sales pitch for KTC, but she didn't really seem that interested. I don't know what I was expecting, but I walked away a little bummed about the whole thing. Oh well, I'm still quit and that's all that matters. Oh yeah, the teeth and gums are great. B)
Well, I suppose I should try and do something productive. Stay strong and stay quit.
Hey Taz...forget them. Sure it is nice to have support. My family, my kids, may parents , and my friends are so happy and supportive, and there is no doubt it is nice to have someone in the corner cheering you on.
But....you know what, they were also trying very hard for the last couple years to get me to quit....and I didn't. Until a month ago. because I said so, because I made the decision, and I made the quit. I make the choice to put the poison in my pie hole or not.
The quit and all the benefits that go with are yours. Your life, your face, your heart health, your smile. Your sense of accomplishment and the pride you have in yourself for being stronger that the devils weed. Of course it would be nice to have the dentist heap praise on you for quitting, and some dentists will, but some just don't give a shit, you are just another set of teeth to clean and your jaw rotting off from cancer is not her problem in the big picture. Considering that her words of praise are hollow and trite.
The most important praise should come from inside of you. You alone know how hard it was and you alone know much it means, you alone know the priceless gift you have given yourself.
Focus on that, hold your head high, and be proud of yourself, for yourself. It's your life, your face, your health, and you are the one who had the strength to jump on the train tracks and save it.
Be proud brother, and know that ALL of us are proud of you as well and know just what you are going through.
Stay strong, stay quit....in camaraderie with you,
Pogue
Right on hooligan. I'd second absolutely every word PM has there.
You're a champ Taz.
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Day 115
I have friends who have blogs. Some of them have literally thousands of followers (I call them lemmings) and they write every single day. I've never been much of a prolific writer...I too have a blog somewhere called "The misguided adventures of a paramedic-at-large". I haven't been a paramedic for 6 years; that should tell you how often I write.
However, since finding KTC, I'm writing every single day. It may just be me posting roll, a quit note here in my intro thread, or a response to someone else. But, here we are 115 days into my quit and I'm on post 600...yes, this post right here is number 600. I don't know why, but I find that to be pretty cool. Aside from dipping, I'm not sure I've done ANYTHING 600 times, and definitely not in 115 days. I think maybe I'm addicted to KTC now. :rolleyes:
So...I've been hearing a lot of chatter about fake stuff again lately. I used Hooch, Jake's Mint Chew, and Oregon Mint Snuff for the first couple months of my quit, along with beef jerky, sunflower seeds, gum, and pistachio nuts. The idea of "stuff ANYTHING into your mouth to keep from putting nicotine into your system" is a good one and I took that to the extreme. Well, it worked. Some have said that using the fake dip is too close to the real thing for them...I guess I can understand that...but it worked for me. I didn't really think too much about it, but I found myself using less and less until one day I just didn't need any more. I've done the same thing with beef jerky and pistachios too. Now, if I need something I can just grab a piece of gum and life is good.
Aside from wanting to post number 600 before I head off to work, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I do know that I find it therapeutic to talk about my quit, and maybe that will help someone else get through a rough patch. I do it for me, but if it helps someone else...well...that's just a little extra gravy. 'archer'
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Day 115
I have friends who have blogs. Some of them have literally thousands of followers (I call them lemmings) and they write every single day. I've never been much of a prolific writer...I too have a blog somewhere called "The misguided adventures of a paramedic-at-large". I haven't been a paramedic for 6 years; that should tell you how often I write.
However, since finding KTC, I'm writing every single day. It may just be me posting roll, a quit note here in my intro thread, or a response to someone else. But, here we are 115 days into my quit and I'm on post 600...yes, this post right here is number 600. I don't know why, but I find that to be pretty cool. Aside from dipping, I'm not sure I've done ANYTHING 600 times, and definitely not in 115 days. I think maybe I'm addicted to KTC now. :rolleyes:
So...I've been hearing a lot of chatter about fake stuff again lately. I used Hooch, Jake's Mint Chew, and Oregon Mint Snuff for the first couple months of my quit, along with beef jerky, sunflower seeds, gum, and pistachio nuts. The idea of "stuff ANYTHING into your mouth to keep from putting nicotine into your system" is a good one and I took that to the extreme. Well, it worked. Some have said that using the fake dip is too close to the real thing for them...I guess I can understand that...but it worked for me. I didn't really think too much about it, but I found myself using less and less until one day I just didn't need any more. I've done the same thing with beef jerky and pistachios too. Now, if I need something I can just grab a piece of gum and life is good.
Aside from wanting to post number 600 before I head off to work, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I do know that I find it therapeutic to talk about my quit, and maybe that will help someone else get through a rough patch. I do it for me, but if it helps someone else...well...that's just a little extra gravy. 'archer'
Good stuff, I am kinda with you on the writing thing, not normal for me but it is something I do here....
I haven't posted anything in a bit on my own intro thread but I have quite a bit and I always think about it, I guess I too am becoming addicted KTC. I will gladly accept that, and I am proud to be a part of this community.
On the fake stuff? In 91 days I have gone thru a can and a half of hootch. I have not wanted to use it as I am in the "too close to the real thing for me" group. But i take it with me to work and I have always regarded it as an emergency solution if things get bad. It has not happened much, but the few times it has I have been glad it was part of my plan.
Sorry if i used your post to ramble away myself... keep writing, I always like hearing what you have to say. Thanks
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Hey Good Blog TAZ. Proud to be quit with you!
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Day 123
You never know when the bitch might be hanging out right around the next corner...keep your guard up.
On Wednesday morning of this week I changed up my routine just a bit. We hold an occupational health and safety conference at our hospital every year and this time I attended. So, I park in the same area of the parking garage every day and I walk down the 4 flights of stairs. The only difference on Wednesday was that I didn't have my back pack...going to the conference I wouldn't need it.
Well...somewhere between the second and third floor I stopped and thought "Shit, I forgot to grab my Copenhagen" since I normally kept my tins in my back pack. I actually turned around and took two or three steps back up towards my truck before I remembered that I don't do that shit anymore. If that didn't drive home the realization that I'm an addict and always will be, nothing will. That realization really hit me hard.
So throughout the three days of conference I keep seeing these guys with dip-rings in their pockets. There were a couple craves that hit me, but for the most part I was able to laugh them off. Now instead of carrying a tin of Copenhagen, I carry a tin of Altoids. When the craves wouldn't go away I'd drop one of those in my mouth and press on. The rest of the time I'd look at the other guys and just laugh to myself, thinking about the bonds of slavery they're under.
On a side note, I just found out that an old friend from high school recently quit dipping. I'm trying to get him to sign up here, but he's not been real receptive to that so far. I'll keep trying though...you guys saved my life, I know we can help save his. Glad to be quit with everyone today! 'archer'
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Nice work taz. I had the same experience last week. Its almost shocking when you have a "clear and rational thought" about using. Easily combated but still shocking.
And keep working on that guy.
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Day 133
What to say today...who knows? I've been reading a bunch of things from a number of people this morning and I'm starting to enter into a bit of a funk. It may be because of what I'm reading, or it may be something completely different.
For the past couple days I've gotten up, taken care of the early morning bladder purge, gotten my coffee and headed to the computer...just like every other morning. Only the difference over the past couple days is that I haven't logged into KTC right away. It's normally the first thing I do as soon as the hard drive gets spun up, but for the past couple days it hasn't been a priority. I wonder why...
10 days ago I had a run-in with the NB while I was heading down the stairs going to a conference. That motivated me to get back on KTC and get some interactions going. But now it's just not a priority...I'm still quit and I make that promise every morning, but something's different now. Something that I learned at the conference might have some application here...I'll have to think about this a bit.
This was a safety conference, so naturally we talked about safety and cultures. We're told that safety shouldn't be a priority since priorities change...but, safety should be a core value for an organization. Maybe that applies to my quit too. For 133 days my priority has been to be quit. It looks like my priorities have changed. Maybe quit should be one of my core values instead of a priority. The question is, how do I get there?
Yesterday we found out that someone with 136 days quit caved...today I'm reading about how people entering the 40-70's funk don't feel like they need KTC anymore. That doesn't have the same effect on me that I used to, and that bothers me. Maybe I'm entering a 130's funk...who knows? I'm quit today and that's all that really matters.
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Day 133
What to say today...who knows? I've been reading a bunch of things from a number of people this morning and I'm starting to enter into a bit of a funk. It may be because of what I'm reading, or it may be something completely different.
For the past couple days I've gotten up, taken care of the early morning bladder purge, gotten my coffee and headed to the computer...just like every other morning. Only the difference over the past couple days is that I haven't logged into KTC right away. It's normally the first thing I do as soon as the hard drive gets spun up, but for the past couple days it hasn't been a priority. I wonder why...
10 days ago I had a run-in with the NB while I was heading down the stairs going to a conference. That motivated me to get back on KTC and get some interactions going. But now it's just not a priority...I'm still quit and I make that promise every morning, but something's different now. Something that I learned at the conference might have some application here...I'll have to think about this a bit.
This was a safety conference, so naturally we talked about safety and cultures. We're told that safety shouldn't be a priority since priorities change...but, safety should be a core value for an organization. Maybe that applies to my quit too. For 133 days my priority has been to be quit. It looks like my priorities have changed. Maybe quit should be one of my core values instead of a priority. The question is, how do I get there?
Yesterday we found out that someone with 136 days quit caved...today I'm reading about how people entering the 40-70's funk don't feel like they need KTC anymore. That doesn't have the same effect on me that I used to, and that bothers me. Maybe I'm entering a 130's funk...who knows? I'm quit today and that's all that really matters.
I get it. I noticed you gravitated right back at KTC. Helping others out. You can't play that funk card any better. You are a bad ass. Keep up the fight. She is a whore.
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Day 133
What to say today...who knows? I've been reading a bunch of things from a number of people this morning and I'm starting to enter into a bit of a funk. It may be because of what I'm reading, or it may be something completely different.
For the past couple days I've gotten up, taken care of the early morning bladder purge, gotten my coffee and headed to the computer...just like every other morning. Only the difference over the past couple days is that I haven't logged into KTC right away. It's normally the first thing I do as soon as the hard drive gets spun up, but for the past couple days it hasn't been a priority. I wonder why...
10 days ago I had a run-in with the NB while I was heading down the stairs going to a conference. That motivated me to get back on KTC and get some interactions going. But now it's just not a priority...I'm still quit and I make that promise every morning, but something's different now. Something that I learned at the conference might have some application here...I'll have to think about this a bit.
This was a safety conference, so naturally we talked about safety and cultures. We're told that safety shouldn't be a priority since priorities change...but, safety should be a core value for an organization. Maybe that applies to my quit too. For 133 days my priority has been to be quit. It looks like my priorities have changed. Maybe quit should be one of my core values instead of a priority. The question is, how do I get there?
Yesterday we found out that someone with 136 days quit caved...today I'm reading about how people entering the 40-70's funk don't feel like they need KTC anymore. That doesn't have the same effect on me that I used to, and that bothers me. Maybe I'm entering a 130's funk...who knows? I'm quit today and that's all that really matters.
That's some heavy shit. Thanks for sharing. Stick with it man. At the very least you're helping others. There has to be some joy in that.
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Day 133
What to say today...who knows? I've been reading a bunch of things from a number of people this morning and I'm starting to enter into a bit of a funk. It may be because of what I'm reading, or it may be something completely different.Â
For the past couple days I've gotten up, taken care of the early morning bladder purge, gotten my coffee and headed to the computer...just like every other morning. Only the difference over the past couple days is that I haven't logged into KTC right away. It's normally the first thing I do as soon as the hard drive gets spun up, but for the past couple days it hasn't been a priority. I wonder why...
10 days ago I had a run-in with the NB while I was heading down the stairs going to a conference. That motivated me to get back on KTC and get some interactions going. But now it's just not a priority...I'm still quit and I make that promise every morning, but something's different now. Something that I learned at the conference might have some application here...I'll have to think about this a bit.Â
This was a safety conference, so naturally we talked about safety and cultures. We're told that safety shouldn't be a priority since priorities change...but, safety should be a core value for an organization. Maybe that applies to my quit too. For 133 days my priority has been to be quit. It looks like my priorities have changed. Maybe quit should be one of my core values instead of a priority. The question is, how do I get there?
Yesterday we found out that someone with 136 days quit caved...today I'm reading about how people entering the 40-70's funk don't feel like they need KTC anymore. That doesn't have the same effect on me that I used to, and that bothers me. Maybe I'm entering a 130's funk...who knows? I'm quit today and that's all that really matters.
Taz I've been kicking this question around in the parking lot of Souliman's dementia since I read it. I think the question is more: what is it vs. how to get there? I believe you have it already. I've taken on quit to mean something more primitive or more intrinsic to my being and that's only due to my approach to addiction: put as much distance between me and what I don't want to be. I know what I don't want which implies what I do want at least can be defined. That's what quit has done for me. Its forced me to be what I want to be. And there has been so many changes in that process. So its hard for me to say that quit has been something I need to find, but its been something that has guided me. Another personal tidbit: I wrote down a list of goals when I was 21. Some tangible (run a marathon, run triathlon, buy a car, get a phd) and some not so tangible(play guitar in a rock band, bang a super model). I also kept a journal on how I was doing on achieving those goals this whole time. I've knocked some off. Obviously, some ain't got a chance of coming off that list. A couple years ago I went back and read through a bunch of that journal and saw how much of my energy was wasted in quite frankly being wasted and not moving towards those goals. This whole transformation over the past year has been like I've been sliding down one of those giant kid slides that's got all the turns and stuff in it. Sometimes when I hit the curve I can feel the tube around me. When I'm on a straight part I'm moving without knowing it. That's sort of what quit has been for me. At first, I could feel the slide all around me like I was almost fighting it on the corners. Now, I feel secure and satisfied coming down that slide letting my hands drag along the sides while I come down. I like that slide there. I don't know if this is helpful or not. KTC has done tremendous things for me and I'm grateful. This is where I learned 'how to be Souliman' again. Do I need this place? Some days yes. Others, may be not so much. Do I want this place? Most definitely. I want this place everyday because it keeps Souliman moving down the slide.
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Day 150...that is all. 'oh yeah'
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Day 150...that is all. 'oh yeah'
Bad ass... that is all
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Day 150...that is all. 'oh yeah'
Bad ass... that is all
'arse'
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Day 150...that is all.  'oh yeah'
Bad ass... that is all
'arse'
'clap' 'clap'
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Day 150...that is all.  'oh yeah'
Bad ass... that is all
'arse'
'clap' 'clap'
Beast of quit scaring little nic bitches back into their caves
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Day 150...that is all.  'oh yeah'
Bad ass... that is all
'arse'
'clap' 'clap'
Beast of quit scaring little nic bitches back into their caves
'Cheers'
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Day 154
So, there I was... (all good stories start that way)
Part I
Yesterday evening I had just wrapped up teaching a full-day hospital decontamination course, cleaned up as much as I could, and jumped in my truck for the ride home. This was the first time I had done this course since I quit. So...as soon as I jumped into my truck I was hit be the biggest crave I think I've had so far. You see, for about three years while I was living in South Carolina I taught these programs for hospitals around the state. The best part of those courses was after everything was wrapped up and loaded into the trailer, I'd throw in a big wad of Copenhagen for the long drive home...usually around three hours.
So when I got into my truck last night and got hit with the crave I had to stop...literally stop the truck and ask myself "what the hell are you thinking?" It hadn't occurred to me that this was the first decon class I'd done since quitting and it really surprised me that going through those motions would be a huge trigger. Fortunately my quit had giant stainless steel balls and laughed off the crave...but it still surprised me. So, my young grasshoppers, be vigilant. You never know when she's waiting around the corner for you with a plan to trip you up.
Part II
This morning I got to do a little bragging on KTC. With all the changes to the healthcare system going on, our hospital decided to do health screenings for all the employees in an attempt to get our insurance premiums down. I had mine at 0830 today. So, there I was (see?) sitting down with this stunning health educator trying to keep my blood pressure in check when I notice that there's a question on the survey about tobacco use. So when she gets to the question "Do you use any kind of tobacco" I surpirsed her with "No, I quit 154 days ago."
That led to the conversation about how I did it and I brought up KTC. Much to my surprise she had heard of it already. Then she mentioned that she wished her husband (that kind of bummed me out) would get on KTC so he would quit too, but she knew that he had to make the decision for himself. It was almost like she had read a bunch of our posts...anyway, we talked a little more about the ups and downs of quitting and I offered to talk to her husband if he wanted to know more and in the end she invited me to speak at one of our tobacco cessation programs. I accepted her invitation (who wouldn't?) and now I'll be spreading the word of KTC even farther.
So far, the past two days have been pretty cool... 'archer'
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Day 154
So, there I was... (all good stories start that way)
dot dot dot
badass quittery and such
dot dot dot
This is awesome. Talk about walking the path with purpose. Good shit right there.
And a belated Happy Holiday bro. Best wishes to you and your family.
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Day 154
So, there I was... (all good stories start that way)
Part I
Yesterday evening I had just wrapped up teaching a full-day hospital decontamination course, cleaned up as much as I could, and jumped in my truck for the ride home. This was the first time I had done this course since I quit. So...as soon as I jumped into my truck I was hit be the biggest crave I think I've had so far. You see, for about three years while I was living in South Carolina I taught these programs for hospitals around the state. The best part of those courses was after everything was wrapped up and loaded into the trailer, I'd throw in a big wad of Copenhagen for the long drive home...usually around three hours.
So when I got into my truck last night and got hit with the crave I had to stop...literally stop the truck and ask myself "what the hell are you thinking?" It hadn't occurred to me that this was the first decon class I'd done since quitting and it really surprised me that going through those motions would be a huge trigger. Fortunately my quit had giant stainless steel balls and laughed off the crave...but it still surprised me. So, my young grasshoppers, be vigilant. You never know when she's waiting around the corner for you with a plan to trip you up.
Part II
This morning I got to do a little bragging on KTC. With all the changes to the healthcare system going on, our hospital decided to do health screenings for all the employees in an attempt to get our insurance premiums down. I had mine at 0830 today. So, there I was (see?) sitting down with this stunning health educator trying to keep my blood pressure in check when I notice that there's a question on the survey about tobacco use. So when she gets to the question "Do you use any kind of tobacco" I surpirsed her with "No, I quit 154 days ago."
That led to the conversation about how I did it and I brought up KTC. Much to my surprise she had heard of it already. Then she mentioned that she wished her husband (that kind of bummed me out) would get on KTC so he would quit too, but she knew that he had to make the decision for himself. It was almost like she had read a bunch of our posts...anyway, we talked a little more about the ups and downs of quitting and I offered to talk to her husband if he wanted to know more and in the end she invited me to speak at one of our tobacco cessation programs. I accepted her invitation (who wouldn't?) and now I'll be spreading the word of KTC even farther.
So far, the past two days have been pretty cool... 'archer'
Damn, Taz, them IS some big ok stainless steel balls. I think I'm blushing!
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Day 168
As I sit here in my office wondering why Martina McBride won't return my phone calls (I'm really not a stalker...really...) a strange thought hits me. The only time I've thought about having a dip is when I think about not thinking about it.
Does that make any sense? For example, a couple weeks ago I took the family on a little walk around one of our local volcanoes...a nice little five mile stroll that we did in about two hours. The first time I had any thought about dipping was about three miles into it when I realized that I hadn't thought about having one all morning. For me, that was the realization that I HAVE taken my life back from the bitch...she is no longer in control of me.
That's how I feel on most days now; I just do the things I do and the thought of having a dip just don't enter into my mind. This is one of the most liberating feelings I've had in a very long time...and that's very cool. Now I'm about to set out on the next chapter of my quit. In the past 168 days I've switched from stuffing my lips with cancer candy to stuffing my mouth with any food item that isn't still moving (although some of the moving things might be at risk too) and I've put on almost 20 pounds. I'm going to use the tools that I've discovered here to help me get back down to a decent shape. Yeah, I know...I'm in shape because "round" is a shape. The truth is that for the first time in my life, I actually feel fat.
So, starting today, I'm going to be getting off my ass and getting active. I have a Nordic Trac sitting in my living room (had to move it to bring the Christmas tree in) that will no longer sit idle. If I can't get out and get my walk in, I'll at least spend 30 minutes on the skis.
Taz - Day 168 of freedom, Day 1 of no longer being a fat ass sack... 'archer'
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2 days into quitting copenhagen pouches after 10 years of a can of a day im in pure hell cant think cant do anything.
Advise please
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2 days into quitting copenhagen pouches after 10 years of a can of a day im in pure hell cant think cant do anything.
Advise please
Get into the welcome center and read!
index.php?showforum=13 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=13)
Learn about posting roll and go to the March 2012 group and post your Day 2.
I'm getting ready to head out the door to teach a class, otherwise I'd write you a novel about what to do. Hopefully this will round up some good support for you. If nothing else, get into the live chat and talk about what you're going through.
Live Chat (http://api.viglink.com/api/click?format=go&drKey=1081&loc=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.killthecan.org%2Findex.php%3Fact%3DPost%26CODE%3D06%26f%3D25%26t%3D4880%26p%3D6261958&v=1&libid=1323198670471&out=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.killthecan.org%2Fchat%2Findex.php&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.killthecan.org%2Findex.php%3Fshowtopic%3D4880&title=KillTheCan.org%20Online%20Community%20-%3E%20Quoting%20a%20Post%20in%20I%27m%20in!&txt=%3CB%3ELIVE%20CHAT%3C%2FB%3E&jsonp=vglnk_jsonp_13231988787531)
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Taz - I enjoyed reading your post today, especially the part about taking the tools you have learned here and applying them to becoming healty.
I have always struggled with my weight but always been able to find activities that keep me relatively fit. Mountain biking, hiking, and a job that required a bit of physical activity have done the trick.
For the past 3 year I have had a job that keeps me usually in a chair in front of the computer. We had a kid, so getting out for those things that keep me active stopped. This resulted in now being almost 270 pounds!
I recently noticed a small gym open near my work in an old warehouse. Yesterday I went by and did a physical assessment with a personal trainer. My body was so shocked by the amount of physical activity we did I literally dry heaved in the parking lot for 15 minutes when we were done. 'yak'
I found this for motivation www.toughmudder.com (http://www.toughmudder.com) but need some sort of accountability. The accountability has made my quit strong. How do you see this working for a quitting being a fat-ass lazy couch potato vs. quiting nicotine?
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2 days into quitting copenhagen pouches after 10 years of a can of a day im in pure hell cant think cant do anything.
Advise please
Get into the welcome center and read!
index.php?showforum=13 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=13)
Learn about posting roll and go to the March 2012 group and post your Day 2.
I'm getting ready to head out the door to teach a class, otherwise I'd write you a novel about what to do. Hopefully this will round up some good support for you. If nothing else, get into the live chat and talk about what you're going through.
Live Chat (http://api.viglink.com/api/click?format=go&drKey=1081&loc=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.killthecan.org%2Findex.php%3Fact%3DPost%26CODE%3D06%26f%3D25%26t%3D4880%26p%3D6261958&v=1&libid=1323198670471&out=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.killthecan.org%2Fchat%2Findex.php&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.killthecan.org%2Findex.php%3Fshowtopic%3D4880&title=KillTheCan.org%20Online%20Community%20-%3E%20Quoting%20a%20Post%20in%20I%27m%20in!&txt=%3CB%3ELIVE%20CHAT%3C%2FB%3E&jsonp=vglnk_jsonp_13231988787531)
Jeff - You are in the right place. Taz know what he is talking about. Go read everything on this site you can take in.
We are about quiting here. Cold turkey, NO nicotine at all.
Good job on two days. The fog should be lifting in the next day or two. Unless I missed it I have not seen your introduction. Post a little about yourself and why this quit is important TO YOU. You will find a lot of support on this sight.
MattMan
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Day 184
Six months ago today, June 22nd, I took my first step toward freedom. Thank you to my KTC brothers and sisters, what a long, strange trip it's been. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pafY6sZt0FE)
'archer'
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Day 184
Six months ago today, June 22nd, I took my first step toward freedom. Thank you to my KTC brothers and sisters, what a long, strange trip it's been. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pafY6sZt0FE)
'archer'
Right on Taz.
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Day 184
Six months ago today, June 22nd, I took my first step toward freedom. Thank you to my KTC brothers and sisters, what a long, strange trip it's been. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pafY6sZt0FE)
'archer'
Right on Taz.
Six months is huge !!
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I believe my friend here hit the second floor a week ago.
I want to say thank you for being made of iron in 2011. You have spine and conviction. Congrats bud.
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I believe my friend here hit the second floor a week ago.
I want to say thank you for being made of iron in 2011. You have spine and conviction. Congrats bud.
x2
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I believe my friend here hit the second floor a week ago.
I want to say thank you for being made of iron in 2011. You have spine and conviction. Congrats bud.
x2
Thanks guys...the steak and shrimp dinner I celebrated with was awesome! Thanks to you two as well for all you've done to help get me (not to mention EVERYONE ELSE) as far as we've gotten.
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210
Ok, so it's been a while since I posted anything here. 200 days came and went without much noise or fanfare...in fact, I had to tell my wife that we were going out to dinner to celebrate 200 days.
I think I've entered the complacency zone...that is, I've grown very comfortable with my quit. That bothers me a bit. I keep reading about guys who have been quit for years showing back up all of a sudden, all because they got comfortable and being quit wasn't in the front of their brains. Over the past couple weeks I've had a time or two that I didn't follow my own advice..."Wake up, pee, post roll, then coffee". I'd sit down, read a bit of the paper, get some breakfast, check Facebook, and then realize that I hadn't posted roll yet. The scary part is that not posting right off didn't really bother me. I was even posting support for someone who fell off and disappeared. Still don't know what happened to him... 'bang head'
I've had a few days when I thought that I'd really like to have a dip, but I tell myself that I don't do that shit anymore. My quit is still solid, but it's not in the front of my brain. One of the things I do at work is run the safety committee and I've been preaching a message to our committee members for the past couple months. "Safety cannot be one of our priorities, it MUST be our core value." Maybe the same should apply to my quit. Being quit is not my priority, quit is who I am...I AM QUIT!
'archer'
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Being quit is not my priority, quit is who I am...I AM QUIT!
Thats a great way to look at it. Thanks for posting!
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Being quit is not my priority, quit is who I am...I AM QUIT!
Thats a great way to look at it. Thanks for posting!
A state of being. :)
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Being quit is not my priority, quit is who I am...I AM QUIT!
Thats a great way to look at it. Thanks for posting!
A state of being. :)
YES
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Day 234
I got a fax machine today. Now normally that wouldn't be cause for any notice or comment, but today is different. The guy who brought the thing in to hook it up noticed the tin of Altoids sitting on my desk. I told him that they're for when I have to fight off a craving. His response was "Are you kicking nicotine too?"
That led to about a one-hour conversation about quitting where I got to inform him about KTC and WTP. He probably won't sign up as he just passed his two year anniversary of kicking cigarettes, but he said he would check it out and pass the info along to others he knows are quitting.
We talked about how hard some days are; how only quitters know the rage; how having the right attitude and a support system is the key. Hell, he was a walking talking billboard for KTC and hadn't even heard about the site. The coolest thing about the whole interaction was when we walked out he turned and asked "Isn't freedom great?".
So, for bumping into a new brother, today is a great day. And yes Braden, freedom IS great! 'archer'
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Day 234
I got a fax machine today. Now normally that wouldn't be cause for any notice or comment, but today is different. The guy who brought the thing in to hook it up noticed the tin of Altoids sitting on my desk. I told him that they're for when I have to fight off a craving. His response was "Are you kicking nicotine too?"
That led to about a one-hour conversation about quitting where I got to inform him about KTC and WTP. He probably won't sign up as he just passed his two year anniversary of kicking cigarettes, but he said he would check it out and pass the info along to others he knows are quitting.
We talked about how hard some days are; how only quitters know the rage; how having the right attitude and a support system is the key. Hell, he was a walking talking billboard for KTC and hadn't even heard about the site. The coolest thing about the whole interaction was when we walked out he turned and asked "Isn't freedom great?".
So, for bumping into a new brother, today is a great day. And yes Braden, freedom IS great! 'archer'
That's freaking awesome. It's the little things that keep you quit each day.
And that bitch better print on both sides using Windows 7.
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Day 234
I got a fax machine today. Now normally that wouldn't be cause for any notice or comment, but today is different. The guy who brought the thing in to hook it up noticed the tin of Altoids sitting on my desk. I told him that they're for when I have to fight off a craving. His response was "Are you kicking nicotine too?"Â
That led to about a one-hour conversation about quitting where I got to inform him about KTC and WTP. He probably won't sign up as he just passed his two year anniversary of kicking cigarettes, but he said he would check it out and pass the info along to others he knows are quitting.Â
We talked about how hard some days are; how only quitters know the rage; how having the right attitude and a support system is the key. Hell, he was a walking talking billboard for KTC and hadn't even heard about the site. The coolest thing about the whole interaction was when we walked out he turned and asked "Isn't freedom great?".Â
So, for bumping into a new brother, today is a great day. And yes Braden, freedom IS great! 'archer'
That's freaking awesome. It's the little things that keep you quit each day.
And that bitch better print on both sides using Windows 7.
FUWaste...
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Nice work Taz. Cheers bro.
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Day 250
So yesterday morning I'm heading down to the place where I'm teaching a class all day and I'm hit with a memory. About a year ago I was teaching at the same place and I remembered standing outside for about 10 minutes while we were on a break. I had a big dip in and I was trying to cover my spitting into the bushes...you see, I was teaching at a church. Not just any church, but a Mormon church. Not that I have any issues with the Mormon church, but I knew that they have their rules against putting anything into your body that alters it. So there I was, standing around with all these guys, in their house and knowingly violating their rules. Nicotine had that much of a grip on me that I actively took a big dump on my hosts.
When I arrived I started feeling really guilty about what I had done the last time I was there. As I walked in the door I saw the bush that I had spit into and...now this is a little corny...I said a little mental apology to the bush. That made me feel a little better. :rolleyes:
As I went through the day, every time we'd take a break I remembered that there was no longer a need to "go to my truck for something"...I didn't need to "make a phone call"...I didn't need to "excuse myself to the restroom for 10 minutes"...I don't do that shit anymore. 'arse' A great day indeed!!!
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Day 250
So yesterday morning I'm heading down to the place where I'm teaching a class all day and I'm hit with a memory. About a year ago I was teaching at the same place and I remembered standing outside for about 10 minutes while we were on a break. I had a big dip in and I was trying to cover my spitting into the bushes...you see, I was teaching at a church. Not just any church, but a Mormon church. Not that I have any issues with the Mormon church, but I knew that they have their rules against putting anything into your body that alters it. So there I was, standing around with all these guys, in their house and knowingly violating their rules. Nicotine had that much of a grip on me that I actively took a big dump on my hosts.
When I arrived I started feeling really guilty about what I had done the last time I was there. As I walked in the door I saw the bush that I had spit into and...now this is a little corny...I said a little mental apology to the bush. That made me feel a little better. :rolleyes:
As I went through the day, every time we'd take a break I remembered that there was no longer a need to "go to my truck for something"...I didn't need to "make a phone call"...I didn't need to "excuse myself to the restroom for 10 minutes"...I don't do that shit anymore. 'arse' A great day indeed!!!
Awesome post...
Although, I do sometimes miss having a reason to go take a break for 5-10 minutes from seeing nut-jobs in the ER....
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Day 250
So yesterday morning I'm heading down to the place where I'm teaching a class all day and I'm hit with a memory. About a year ago I was teaching at the same place and I remembered standing outside for about 10 minutes while we were on a break. I had a big dip in and I was trying to cover my spitting into the bushes...you see, I was teaching at a church. Not just any church, but a Mormon church. Not that I have any issues with the Mormon church, but I knew that they have their rules against putting anything into your body that alters it. So there I was, standing around with all these guys, in their house and knowingly violating their rules. Nicotine had that much of a grip on me that I actively took a big dump on my hosts.
When I arrived I started feeling really guilty about what I had done the last time I was there. As I walked in the door I saw the bush that I had spit into and...now this is a little corny...I said a little mental apology to the bush. That made me feel a little better. :rolleyes:
As I went through the day, every time we'd take a break I remembered that there was no longer a need to "go to my truck for something"...I didn't need to "make a phone call"...I didn't need to "excuse myself to the restroom for 10 minutes"...I don't do that shit anymore. 'arse' A great day indeed!!!
Awesome post...
Although, I do sometimes miss having a reason to go take a break for 5-10 minutes from seeing nut-jobs in the ER....
Thanks for the post, taz. Oddly, in 26+ years of dipping, I couldn't be bothered by the costs, the insane health risks, etc. But in a rare moment of clarity, I realized I was living the same life you just described- that of a slave. I quit that day, and the next day I found KTC.
Great post.
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Right on Taz. Congrats bro. I hugged a Mormon for you today. Elder-something was a little spooked. Guess I hung on a little too long for his likings.
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Right on Taz. Congrats bro. I hugged a Mormon for you today. Elder-something was a little spooked. Guess I hung on a little too long for his likings.
'crackup' 'crackup' 'crackup'
That was hilarious.
But Taz, well done man...nice quarter comma.
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Day 269
I woke up this morning, walked into the bathroom for my morning purge, and thought about today. I remember posting here 200 days ago and thought I'd post something about the stretch between days 69 and 269...but then after posting roll I find out that SWJ had caved. Holy hell...I knew that he'd drifted away, but never expected to see him walk back in here with a Day 1. Someone directed me to read his intro back when I first quit and it was some of the funniest shit I'd ever read...what an imagination this guy has. And then he comes crawling back.
I've missed posting roll one day out of 269, and I had a good reason for missing that day. No one noticed I had gone missing, or at least no one reached out, until the next day when the guy who keeps our spreadsheet up to date asked what happened. Well, what happened was that we're getting complacent. My brothers didn't look out for me like I wasn't looking out for them.
So back to this morning...while I was making coffee and before firing up the computer, I was thinking about how comfortable I was getting in my quit. I literally thought about backing away from KTC because I don't contribute much here anymore. I wake up, post my roll, post my support for a few younger quitters, read a couple intros and head off. But, I'm not really "engaged" in the site anymore. I've been around long enough that I'm getting into "coast mode" and just kicking back and taking it easy. That's dumb... 'Crazy'
So reading through the new thread from SWJ I see a bunch of the old vets making their feelings about his cave known, and a few new guys posting their thoughts too. Then I run across this post from Grizzly25 (he's quoting Ready, then responds to it):
QUOTE (Ready @ Mar 15, 2012, 7:51 pm)
Ready - Day 1,505
I post roll every day giving my word of Honor that I will not use nicotine in any way, shape or form. I use the tools provided by those in the trenches next to me, knowing that they will not let me down. You have no idea how many quitters I would have to go through to cave. It would be impossible for me to cave. I would not dishonor them or myself by not giving them the respect they have earned to protect me from myself if the need arose.
This is what this site is.
Or you could join the site, quit, be involved, get bored of your freedom, get complacent, think you have things under control, ignore the things that kept you quit and...
Blah Blah Blah, I left the site I caved.
Character means something.
Just a reminder on what this site is about, its not mine but it is very accurate.
So here's this kid (I don't know how old he really is) with a month of quit under his belt and he gets it. que Yoda "The quit is strong with this one..." This guy spoke straight to me about getting comfortable. In case you missed it...Or you could join the site, quit, be involved, get bored of your freedom, get complacent, think you have things under control, ignore the things that kept you quit and...Blah Blah Blah, I left the site I caved.
Character means something.
So with my post today, I'm going to work on re-engaging. I'll get back into chat and see if I can help someone else out. Whatever happens to my September 2011 group, I want to know about it, not just show up, post and bail out. We still have some hard core quitters there...I'll do better at keeping up with everyone. Hopefully they'll keep me accountable too. As for Grizzly25 (love your profile picture, by the way), I'll quit with you today. You spoke to me just when I needed it, but without even knowing it. Thanks for that. You sir, are a bad ass quitter... 'archer'
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Day 370
Wow, I can't believe it's been 101 days since I last posted. I guess the phrase "time flies when you're having fun" might actually be true.
SoÂ… This past Friday was a monumental day for me... My one-year quit anniversary. On June 22, 2011 I woke up and decided that I had had enough. I jumped on the computer (of course, with a dip in my mouth) and started looking for tobacco alternatives. That led me to KTC and somehow or another I found myself in the September 2011 pre-Hall of Fame group.
I read, laughed at some of the stories, thought to myself "sure, I'll give this a shot and see what happens" but I'm not one for online support groups. I took the plunge, walked into the bathroom with every can of Copenhagen I owned and flushed it all down the toilet. I never would've imagined that one year later I would be sitting here completely nicotine free and a member of one of the most bad-ass quit groups in history... The Pirates of September... but here I am.
Along the way I had some tremendous ups and downs, some family issues, some work issues, and of course some major craves. But through it all, I came to realize the power of association. People I've never met reached out to me when I needed them most, offered help to a total stranger, and expected nothing in return. To say that I was amazed would be a total understatement. Without realizing it I had become part of something much bigger than I could've ever imagined...the fraternity of KTC.
So here I am one year later, sitting at the same desk and reading through the introductions of some new members of KTC. I see some of the same stories, I see some of the same histories, and I see some of the same concerns. It makes me realize that through all of the time that I struggled with addiction I was not alone. Even though I thought I was the only one who had the problems I had, in reality there are thousands of people just like me.
So on that June morning a little more than a year ago, I didn't find a website, I found a brotherhood. More people than I could've imagined fighting the same fight as me every single day. I'm proud of my accomplishment of making it one year without tobacco, but I'm even more proud to be associated with a great group of quitters who every day step up to the plate and make that promise... I will not dip today.
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Day 370
Wow, I can't believe it's been 101 days since I last posted. I guess the phrase "time flies when you're having fun" might actually be true.
SoÂ… This past Friday was a monumental day for me... My one-year quit anniversary. On June 22, 2011 I woke up and decided that I had had enough. I jumped on the computer (of course, with a dip in my mouth) and started looking for tobacco alternatives. That led me to KTC and somehow or another I found myself in the September 2011 pre-Hall of Fame group.
I read, laughed at some of the stories, thought to myself "sure, I'll give this a shot and see what happens" but I'm not one for online support groups. I took the plunge, walked into the bathroom with every can of Copenhagen I owned and flushed it all down the toilet. I never would've imagined that one year later I would be sitting here completely nicotine free and a member of one of the most bad-ass quit groups in history... The Pirates of September... but here I am.
Along the way I had some tremendous ups and downs, some family issues, some work issues, and of course some major craves. But through it all, I came to realize the power of association. People I've never met reached out to me when I needed them most, offered help to a total stranger, and expected nothing in return. To say that I was amazed would be a total understatement. Without realizing it I had become part of something much bigger than I could've ever imagined...the fraternity of KTC.
So here I am one year later, sitting at the same desk and reading through the introductions of some new members of KTC. I see some of the same stories, I see some of the same histories, and I see some of the same concerns. It makes me realize that through all of the time that I struggled with addiction I was not alone. Even though I thought I was the only one who had the problems I had, in reality there are thousands of people just like me.
So on that June morning a little more than a year ago, I didn't find a website, I found a brotherhood. More people than I could've imagined fighting the same fight as me every single day. I'm proud of my accomplishment of making it one year without tobacco, but I'm even more proud to be associated with a great group of quitters who every day step up to the plate and make that promise... I will not dip today.
Glad you are here friend.
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Day 370
Wow, I can't believe it's been 101 days since I last posted. I guess the phrase "time flies when you're having fun" might actually be true.
SoÂ… This past Friday was a monumental day for me... My one-year quit anniversary. On June 22, 2011 I woke up and decided that I had had enough. I jumped on the computer (of course, with a dip in my mouth) and started looking for tobacco alternatives. That led me to KTC and somehow or another I found myself in the September 2011 pre-Hall of Fame group.
I read, laughed at some of the stories, thought to myself "sure, I'll give this a shot and see what happens" but I'm not one for online support groups. I took the plunge, walked into the bathroom with every can of Copenhagen I owned and flushed it all down the toilet. I never would've imagined that one year later I would be sitting here completely nicotine free and a member of one of the most bad-ass quit groups in history... The Pirates of September... but here I am.
Along the way I had some tremendous ups and downs, some family issues, some work issues, and of course some major craves. But through it all, I came to realize the power of association. People I've never met reached out to me when I needed them most, offered help to a total stranger, and expected nothing in return. To say that I was amazed would be a total understatement. Without realizing it I had become part of something much bigger than I could've ever imagined...the fraternity of KTC.
So here I am one year later, sitting at the same desk and reading through the introductions of some new members of KTC. I see some of the same stories, I see some of the same histories, and I see some of the same concerns. It makes me realize that through all of the time that I struggled with addiction I was not alone. Even though I thought I was the only one who had the problems I had, in reality there are thousands of people just like me.
So on that June morning a little more than a year ago, I didn't find a website, I found a brotherhood. More people than I could've imagined fighting the same fight as me every single day. I'm proud of my accomplishment of making it one year without tobacco, but I'm even more proud to be associated with a great group of quitters who every day step up to the plate and make that promise... I will not dip today.
Glad you are here friend.
x2
Congrats on being back in single digits. You made it thru all the season, all the sports, all the events, etc. There are no excuses.
Be on the lookout for a 400 day funk. It'll pass like they always do.
Be strong friend.
Never again for any reason.
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Day 370
Wow, I can't believe it's been 101 days since I last posted. I guess the phrase "time flies when you're having fun" might actually be true.
SoÂ… This past Friday was a monumental day for me... My one-year quit anniversary. On June 22, 2011 I woke up and decided that I had had enough. I jumped on the computer (of course, with a dip in my mouth) and started looking for tobacco alternatives. That led me to KTC and somehow or another I found myself in the September 2011 pre-Hall of Fame group.
I read, laughed at some of the stories, thought to myself "sure, I'll give this a shot and see what happens" but I'm not one for online support groups. I took the plunge, walked into the bathroom with every can of Copenhagen I owned and flushed it all down the toilet. I never would've imagined that one year later I would be sitting here completely nicotine free and a member of one of the most bad-ass quit groups in history... The Pirates of September... but here I am.
Along the way I had some tremendous ups and downs, some family issues, some work issues, and of course some major craves. But through it all, I came to realize the power of association. People I've never met reached out to me when I needed them most, offered help to a total stranger, and expected nothing in return. To say that I was amazed would be a total understatement. Without realizing it I had become part of something much bigger than I could've ever imagined...the fraternity of KTC.
So here I am one year later, sitting at the same desk and reading through the introductions of some new members of KTC. I see some of the same stories, I see some of the same histories, and I see some of the same concerns. It makes me realize that through all of the time that I struggled with addiction I was not alone. Even though I thought I was the only one who had the problems I had, in reality there are thousands of people just like me.
So on that June morning a little more than a year ago, I didn't find a website, I found a brotherhood. More people than I could've imagined fighting the same fight as me every single day. I'm proud of my accomplishment of making it one year without tobacco, but I'm even more proud to be associated with a great group of quitters who every day step up to the plate and make that promise... I will not dip today.
Glad you are here friend.
x2
Congrats on being back in single digits. You made it thru all the season, all the sports, all the events, etc. There are no excuses.
Be on the lookout for a 400 day funk. It'll pass like they always do.
Be strong friend.
Never again for any reason.
Taz.......outstanding
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Day 370
Wow, I can't believe it's been 101 days since I last posted. I guess the phrase "time flies when you're having fun" might actually be true.
SoÂ… This past Friday was a monumental day for me... My one-year quit anniversary. On June 22, 2011 I woke up and decided that I had had enough. I jumped on the computer (of course, with a dip in my mouth) and started looking for tobacco alternatives. That led me to KTC and somehow or another I found myself in the September 2011 pre-Hall of Fame group.
I read, laughed at some of the stories, thought to myself "sure, I'll give this a shot and see what happens" but I'm not one for online support groups. I took the plunge, walked into the bathroom with every can of Copenhagen I owned and flushed it all down the toilet. I never would've imagined that one year later I would be sitting here completely nicotine free and a member of one of the most bad-ass quit groups in history... The Pirates of September... but here I am.
Along the way I had some tremendous ups and downs, some family issues, some work issues, and of course some major craves. But through it all, I came to realize the power of association. People I've never met reached out to me when I needed them most, offered help to a total stranger, and expected nothing in return. To say that I was amazed would be a total understatement. Without realizing it I had become part of something much bigger than I could've ever imagined...the fraternity of KTC.
So here I am one year later, sitting at the same desk and reading through the introductions of some new members of KTC. I see some of the same stories, I see some of the same histories, and I see some of the same concerns. It makes me realize that through all of the time that I struggled with addiction I was not alone. Even though I thought I was the only one who had the problems I had, in reality there are thousands of people just like me.
So on that June morning a little more than a year ago, I didn't find a website, I found a brotherhood. More people than I could've imagined fighting the same fight as me every single day. I'm proud of my accomplishment of making it one year without tobacco, but I'm even more proud to be associated with a great group of quitters who every day step up to the plate and make that promise... I will not dip today.
Glad you are here friend.
x2
Congrats on being back in single digits. You made it thru all the season, all the sports, all the events, etc. There are no excuses.
Be on the lookout for a 400 day funk. It'll pass like they always do.
Be strong friend.
Never again for any reason.
Taz.......outstanding
I quit with Taz today