KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: bigrubberducky on April 26, 2011, 11:00:00 AM
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So here I am - I have been on and off this site for over a year now, lurking and looking at post saying - "Man, I wish that could be me". Well, that time has come for me. I created this account last night and I am taking that first step toward a better life for myself and by proxy, my wife.
But...I woke up scared this morning (that actually just took a lot to write). Crazy right? Here I am, a 6', 230lb ex-lineman and I am scared of not having a 2oz can in my pocket. After thinking about it, you know what I should be more afraid of? Lying to my wife, hoping she doesn't smell dip in a room/on my breath when she gets home. Her getting fed up with me and leaving me. That should be what really scares me, but for years, it hasn't enought to make myself want to stop. She knows, I know she knows, but I always thought, I will just be more sneaky about it.
Don't get me wrong - I am not doing this for her. I am doing this for me, my welfare, and my sanity. I have read the top 100 reasons to quit. Do you know how many of those rang true for me? I'd say damn close to 80%. Driving by myself instead of riding with people so that I could have 20 minutes of dirt in my mouth. Just saying that one makes me wonder just how dumb I have been for 11 years. That's a long time.
I know this is a ramble and I appreciate anyone that takes the time to read this over. I am scared of what the next few weeks will bring, but I know that it will make me a stronger person when I get through this. I will know that I can overcome any adversity that comes along in life by looking back and saying - I overcame one of the most addictive substances freely available to man, I sure as hell can handle this challenge.
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So here I am - I have been on and off this site for over a year now, lurking and looking at post saying - "Man, I wish that could be me". Well, that time has come for me. I created this account last night and I am taking that first step toward a better life for myself and by proxy, my wife.
But...I woke up scared this morning (that actually just took a lot to write). Crazy right? Here I am, a 6', 230lb ex-lineman and I am scared of not having a 2oz can in my pocket. After thinking about it, you know what I should be more afraid of? Lying to my wife, hoping she doesn't smell dip in a room/on my breath when she gets home. Her getting fed up with me and leaving me. That should be what really scares me, but for years, it hasn't enought to make myself want to stop. She knows, I know she knows, but I always thought, I will just be more sneaky about it.
Don't get me wrong - I am not doing this for her. I am doing this for me, my welfare, and my sanity. I have read the top 100 reasons to quit. Do you know how many of those rang true for me? I'd say damn close to 80%. Driving by myself instead of riding with people so that I could have 20 minutes of dirt in my mouth. Just saying that one makes me wonder just how dumb I have been for 11 years. That's a long time.
I know this is a ramble and I appreciate anyone that takes the time to read this over. I am scared of what the next few weeks will bring, but I know that it will make me a stronger person when I get through this. I will know that I can overcome any adversity that comes along in life by looking back and saying - I overcame one of the most addictive substances freely available to man, I sure as hell can handle this challenge.
You can do it, Big
Promise today - no nic - post roll in August Group - first week sucks, then it gets better - today is the day - we are here to walk with you every step of the way - Corn
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So here I am - I have been on and off this site for over a year now, lurking and looking at post saying - "Man, I wish that could be me". Well, that time has come for me. I created this account last night and I am taking that first step toward a better life for myself and by proxy, my wife.
But...I woke up scared this morning (that actually just took a lot to write). Crazy right? Here I am, a 6', 230lb ex-lineman and I am scared of not having a 2oz can in my pocket. After thinking about it, you know what I should be more afraid of? Lying to my wife, hoping she doesn't smell dip in a room/on my breath when she gets home. Her getting fed up with me and leaving me. That should be what really scares me, but for years, it hasn't enought to make myself want to stop.  She knows, I know she knows, but I always thought, I will just be more sneaky about it.
Don't get me wrong - I am not doing this for her. I am doing this for me, my welfare, and my sanity. I have read the top 100 reasons to quit. Do you know how many of those rang true for me? I'd say damn close to 80%. Driving by myself instead of riding with people so that I could have 20 minutes of dirt in my mouth. Just saying that one makes me wonder just how dumb I have been for 11 years. That's a long time.
I know this is a ramble and I appreciate anyone that takes the time to read this over. I am scared of what the next few weeks will bring, but I know that it will make me a stronger person when I get through this. I will know that I can overcome any adversity that comes along in life by looking back and saying - I overcame one of the most addictive substances freely available to man, I sure as hell can handle this challenge.
You can do it, Big
Promise today - no nic - post roll in August Group - first week sucks, then it gets better - today is the day - we are here to walk with you every step of the way - Corn
Understood BigRubberDuckey.
Day 137 here. It will not be easy, but it is worth it. You will get yourself back. The plan is simple. Quit one day at a time. Get support, give support. I am glad you are here. Post roll and PM me if I can be of any assistance.
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So here I am - I have been on and off this site for over a year now, lurking and looking at post saying - "Man, I wish that could be me". Well, that time has come for me. I created this account last night and I am taking that first step toward a better life for myself and by proxy, my wife.
But...I woke up scared this morning (that actually just took a lot to write). Crazy right? Here I am, a 6', 230lb ex-lineman and I am scared of not having a 2oz can in my pocket. After thinking about it, you know what I should be more afraid of? Lying to my wife, hoping she doesn't smell dip in a room/on my breath when she gets home. Her getting fed up with me and leaving me. That should be what really scares me, but for years, it hasn't enought to make myself want to stop.  She knows, I know she knows, but I always thought, I will just be more sneaky about it.
Don't get me wrong - I am not doing this for her. I am doing this for me, my welfare, and my sanity. I have read the top 100 reasons to quit. Do you know how many of those rang true for me? I'd say damn close to 80%. Driving by myself instead of riding with people so that I could have 20 minutes of dirt in my mouth. Just saying that one makes me wonder just how dumb I have been for 11 years.  That's a long time.
I know this is a ramble and I appreciate anyone that takes the time to read this over. I am scared of what the next few weeks will bring, but I know that it will make me a stronger person when I get through this. I will know that I can overcome any adversity that comes along in life by looking back and saying - I overcame one of the most addictive substances freely available to man, I sure as hell can handle this challenge.
You can do it, Big
Promise today - no nic - post roll in August Group - first week sucks, then it gets better - today is the day - we are here to walk with you every step of the way - Corn
Understood BigRubberDuckey.
Day 137 here. It will not be easy, but it is worth it. You will get yourself back. The plan is simple. Quit one day at a time. Get support, give support. I am glad you are here. Post roll and PM me if I can be of any assistance.
Big...You the Man!!! greatest decision you could make....I was scared to and I was in the 80% range as well..Many of us all fall under the stupid nic bitches umbrella.....But fear not we are here together to stay stron and to stay quit....Stay active on the sight it was a lifeline for me that first week and to some extent still is today 41 days in.....Yup it sucks the first week but it really gets better......hang in there...You need anything let me know
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So here I am - I have been on and off this site for over a year now, lurking and looking at post saying - "Man, I wish that could be me". Well, that time has come for me. I created this account last night and I am taking that first step toward a better life for myself and by proxy, my wife.
But...I woke up scared this morning (that actually just took a lot to write). Crazy right? Here I am, a 6', 230lb ex-lineman and I am scared of not having a 2oz can in my pocket. After thinking about it, you know what I should be more afraid of? Lying to my wife, hoping she doesn't smell dip in a room/on my breath when she gets home. Her getting fed up with me and leaving me. That should be what really scares me, but for years, it hasn't enought to make myself want to stop.  She knows, I know she knows, but I always thought, I will just be more sneaky about it.
Don't get me wrong - I am not doing this for her. I am doing this for me, my welfare, and my sanity. I have read the top 100 reasons to quit. Do you know how many of those rang true for me? I'd say damn close to 80%. Driving by myself instead of riding with people so that I could have 20 minutes of dirt in my mouth. Just saying that one makes me wonder just how dumb I have been for 11 years.  That's a long time.
I know this is a ramble and I appreciate anyone that takes the time to read this over. I am scared of what the next few weeks will bring, but I know that it will make me a stronger person when I get through this. I will know that I can overcome any adversity that comes along in life by looking back and saying - I overcame one of the most addictive substances freely available to man, I sure as hell can handle this challenge.
You can do it, Big
Promise today - no nic - post roll in August Group - first week sucks, then it gets better - today is the day - we are here to walk with you every step of the way - Corn
Understood BigRubberDuckey.
Day 137 here. It will not be easy, but it is worth it. You will get yourself back. The plan is simple. Quit one day at a time. Get support, give support. I am glad you are here. Post roll and PM me if I can be of any assistance.
Big...You the Man!!! greatest decision you could make....I was scared to and I was in the 80% range as well..Many of us all fall under the stupid nic bitches umbrella.....But fear not we are here together to stay stron and to stay quit....Stay active on the sight it was a lifeline for me that first week and to some extent still is today 41 days in.....Yup it sucks the first week but it really gets better......hang in there...You need anything let me know
The cool thing about that fear is that by sticking with your brothers here it will be easier. Not easy, but easier. Everyone here is going through it or has gone through it. Get numbers, form some relationships with some these dickheads. It works. Glad you're here.
Russ
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My suggestion: You are a badass right? Big lineman not scared of anything right? Put that attitude into your quit. Do not be afraid of the can. Kick the can's ass!!!!
To me anyone that can quit dip is the baddest mother on the face of the planet. Go be that badass!
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Big-Welcome! Honored to be Quit with you. Post Roll Call and keep your word. It makes all the difference. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Peace
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Everyone, thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings and for the words of encouragement. I feel like I already know that without this community and its support, I wouldn't be sitting on day 2.
~TheDuck
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Big, great choice joining, stick with the roll call and promise. you can do it. focus your "can" (as in 2 oz can) energy into something you've always wanted to do.
you'll be great at it, keep the promise...everyday, change your life.
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Ok - so we are here on day 3. Day 1, not so bad. Day 2 - a little rougher. Today - I feel like I am drunk, yet completely coherent. My legs are tingling as if I have been downing red bull all day and I need to run. I can't concentrate on anything at all - while walking around the grocery store, felt like a zombie. Girl at the checkout asked if I had fun last night and it took me no less than 20 seconds to realize she was talking about the massive ass storms that came rolling through. Pretty sure she may now think I am 'special'.
Just wanting to voice/vent/try and type. I want to focus my energies on something else to keep my mind off of the stuff, but damn, I can't focus on driving a car much less some other project. I am thinking about hitting the gym/chopping some wood or something to burn some energy.
Other side effects - I think I have eaten around 5K calories/day so far. This is bad, need to find some popcorn or something. Jitters, mentioned before, but OMFG (sorry for the lolspeak, I just cant bring myself to ever type that one out), they are intense.
What are some things you all did/are doing to help stay focused during the fog when you can't focus on anything?
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One more thing for the verterns. Is it ok if I continually update this post with my feelings/thoughts/concerns as I go through the process? I couldn't really find any other place to really get this stuff out of my mind other than my welcome thread. If this is not the right place/there is a better place - can you point it out to me.
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One more thing for the verterns. Is it ok if I continually update this post with my feelings/thoughts/concerns as I go through the process? I couldn't really find any other place to really get this stuff out of my mind other than my welcome thread. If this is not the right place/there is a better place - can you point it out to me.
I'm no vet, but, yes, you can use this thread as your own personal playground.
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One more thing for the verterns. Is it ok if I continually update this post with my feelings/thoughts/concerns as I go through the process? I couldn't really find any other place to really get this stuff out of my mind other than my welcome thread. If this is not the right place/there is a better place - can you point it out to me.
I'm no vet, but, yes, you can use this thread as your own personal playground.
Thanks gmann - not trying to throw rocks in the pond and cause problems during my first week B)
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Ok - so we are here on day 3. Day 1, not so bad. Day 2 - a little rougher. Today - I feel like I am drunk, yet completely coherent. My legs are tingling as if I have been downing red bull all day and I need to run. I can't concentrate on anything at all - while walking around the grocery store, felt like a zombie. Girl at the checkout asked if I had fun last night and it took me no less than 20 seconds to realize she was talking about the massive ass storms that came rolling through. Pretty sure she may now think I am 'special'.
Just wanting to voice/vent/try and type. I want to focus my energies on something else to keep my mind off of the stuff, but damn, I can't focus on driving a car much less some other project. I am thinking about hitting the gym/chopping some wood or something to burn some energy.
Other side effects - I think I have eaten around 5K calories/day so far. This is bad, need to find some popcorn or something. Jitters, mentioned before, but OMFG (sorry for the lolspeak, I just cant bring myself to ever type that one out), they are intense.
What are some things you all did/are doing to help stay focused during the fog when you can't focus on anything?
I felt drunker than a coked out monkey for the first 5 days. Stick with it. Once you're through that initial fog you don't EVER have to go through it again, as long as you stay quit. Remember how shitty you feel right now, it will make your quit stronger down the road. PM me if you need anything.
Austin -Day 57
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One more thing for the verterns. Is it ok if I continually update this post with my feelings/thoughts/concerns as I go through the process? I couldn't really find any other place to really get this stuff out of my mind other than my welcome thread. If this is not the right place/there is a better place - can you point it out to me.
I'm no vet, but, yes, you can use this thread as your own personal playground.
Thanks gmann - not trying to throw rocks in the pond and cause problems during my first week B)
This is your space rubberduck, use it as you wish.
I think your description of the day 3 feeling is the best I've seen here.
Good shit man, good quitting.
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Just keep doing what you're doing ducky. A couple of months from now you'll think that quitting is easy, so it'll be nice to consider the reality you're fighting for now when you want to throw it all away just for a quick pinch. Glad to be quit with you.
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 She knows, I know she knows, but I always thought, I will just be more sneaky about it.
This is me. This WAS me. I would take 20 minute shits, brush my teeth, then suck down a beer real quick so she wouldn't smell the toothpaste on my breath.
I'm with you Duck. All the way through to the end. We started the same day. I don't want to have a "finish" day.
You need me you let me know.
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After a brief stint of being gone - I wanted to let everyone know that I am back. I had to travel this week and the first 2 days, was in a nice, cell-phone and internet enabled area. Then we moved out away from civilization - literally only a landline phone to use (which made the wife happy to still be able to hear from me!). Just got back in last night around 10p!
But, I would like to toss out a special thanks to Per034. He had sent me text checking in on me which I got on my way back home. Others have sent PMs including CanCrusher and Jparis - so again, thank you guys for showing that there are those here that do care about my quit and are here to help along. Not going anywhere anytime soon and will be here each day. Thanks again to all.
Now it's time to clean out that garage....
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Always here for you duck.
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After a brief stint of being gone - I wanted to let everyone know that I am back. I had to travel this week and the first 2 days, was in a nice, cell-phone and internet enabled area. Then we moved out away from civilization - literally only a landline phone to use (which made the wife happy to still be able to hear from me!). Just got back in last night around 10p!
But, I would like to toss out a special thanks to Per034. He had sent me text checking in on me which I got on my way back home. Others have sent PMs including CanCrusher and Jparis - so again, thank you guys for showing that there are those here that do care about my quit and are here to help along. Not going anywhere anytime soon and will be here each day. Thanks again to all.
Now it's time to clean out that garage....
Thank God!!!! I thought you had give up on your quit and we were gonna have to hunt you down and kick your ass lol. Seriously though its good to have you back brother. I need to get your cell number so we can text sometime bro.
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Not going anywhere anytime soon and will be here each day.
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Not going anywhere anytime soon and will be here each day.
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Reach out to him. Text etc. Maybe he is out of town working again. Not everyone has a 9-5. However, some of y'all should have exchanged #'s and he could post via texting someone.