KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: misterbean on February 12, 2012, 07:37:00 PM
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Well, here I am again. I've tried about a thousand times to do this.
I have made it 60 or so days using NRTs in the past, this time I thought I would try sudden cessation. (Cold Turkey). Cold turkey sounds so horrid. Sudden cessation sounds better.
I've made it 24 hours with no nicotine and I haven't gone off the deep end. Yet.
I know I will feel better not chewing. I've chewed for almost 30 years. I'm 43 and in pretty good shape. I run..a lot...like 25 to 30 miles a week most weeks. I've done 6 marathons.
I want to quit chewing for a few reasons. Here they are.
1. I want to rest better at night.
2. I am tired of dealing with a the mini crisis that come up every day as to when I get my next chew.
3. Better breath and appearance.
4. Not under the thumb of a chemical.
This can either be really hard and the worst thing ever or it can really not be that hard at all. I decided this time it was going to be easy.
Bean.
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Wish for easy...expect hell.
Go to the Welcome Center (link upper left). Read #4. Read it again. Read it real slow.
Read #3. Got to May 12 group and post Roll Call. This ye shall do as often as you think of LOOT. Actually, you'll do it everyday.
Welcome to the site.
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Well, here I am again. I've tried about a thousand times to do this.
I have made it 60 or so days using NRTs in the past, this time I thought I would try sudden cessation. (Cold Turkey). Cold turkey sounds so horrid. Sudden cessation sounds better.
I've made it 24 hours with no nicotine and I haven't gone off the deep end. Yet.
I know I will feel better not chewing. I've chewed for almost 30 years. I'm 43 and in pretty good shape. I run..a lot...like 25 to 30 miles a week most weeks. I've done 6 marathons.
I want to quit chewing for a few reasons. Here they are.
1. I want to rest better at night.
2. I am tired of dealing with a the mini crisis that come up every day as to when I get my next chew.
3. Better breath and appearance.
4. Not under the thumb of a chemical.
This can either be really hard and the worst thing ever or it can really not be that hard at all. I decided this time it was going to be easy.
Bean.
I don't care what you call it.
Just fucking do it.
We can help you if you choose to utilize us.
We live by the simple rules, but they are not easy.
Post roll.
Stay quit.
repeat.
Get some numbers from your brothers and do a lot of reading. Thousands of quitters have proceeded you here, and have left their footprints for you to follow. Hell, most of us will stand beside you and tell you what to do to stay quit.
The secret to Quitting is controlling your actions. You are the only person that can put nicotine in your system. You are the only on that can keep it out. You control that. It does not control you.
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Well, here I am again. I've tried about a thousand times to do this.
I have made it 60 or so days using NRTs in the past, this time I thought I would try sudden cessation. (Cold Turkey). Cold turkey sounds so horrid. Sudden cessation sounds better.
I've made it 24 hours with no nicotine and I haven't gone off the deep end. Yet.
I know I will feel better not chewing. I've chewed for almost 30 years. I'm 43 and in pretty good shape. I run..a lot...like 25 to 30 miles a week most weeks. I've done 6 marathons.
I want to quit chewing for a few reasons. Here they are.
1. I want to rest better at night.
2. I am tired of dealing with a the mini crisis that come up every day as to when I get my next chew.
3. Better breath and appearance.
4. Not under the thumb of a chemical.
This can either be really hard and the worst thing ever or it can really not be that hard at all. I decided this time it was going to be easy.
Bean.
Bean, from reading your post I can tell your ready. The question now, how bad do you want this?
This will be one of the both simplest and most difficult things you ever do, if you want it, post your promise, keep your word, repeat. You will slay this beast.
Check out the welcome center up to the left. Post your roll. Commence the freedom.
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Okay minibeans. This is the place. My suggestion is embrace this. If you really are someone different, be that guy. Make the decision and stick to it. Focus on that goal.
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I'm on day 2. Technically, day 5 but I screwed up on day 3...was a woos, "oh i can't do this" etc. Had a half a piece of nicotine gum and an hour later a tiny chew.
You know what? It felt like shit. my head spun. I was woozy. It didn't taste right.
I felt gross.
One thing I will say about doing this the CT way is I feel physically cleaner. It seems like I have more energy.
Also, I have not flipped out on anyone. I have been surprisingly calm. A little short, yes. Ready to blow a fucking gasket...yep. But I haven't. My bullshit meter is set to "notreallyputtingupwithanytoday" if that makes sense.
I can't promise to quit forever or even next year. Today though I can do this.
Bean
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I'm on day 2. Technically, day 5 but I screwed up on day 3...was a woos, "oh i can't do this" etc. Had a half a piece of nicotine gum and an hour later a tiny chew.Â
You know what? It felt like shit. my head spun. I was woozy. It didn't taste right.
I felt gross.
One thing I will say about doing this the CT way is I feel physically cleaner.  It seems like I have more energy.
Also, I have not flipped out on anyone. I have been surprisingly calm. A little short, yes. Ready to blow a fucking gasket...yep. But I haven't. My bullshit meter is set to "notreallyputtingupwithanytoday" if that makes sense.Â
I can't promise to quit forever or even next year. Today though I can do this.
Bean
Technically? Bullshit! Technically, you fuckin caved! Not only gum but a dip...
You know what? until you realize what you are saying perpetuates your failures, you are doomed to technically keep repeating Day 1.
You have a quit plan written out? You have numbers? Before you answer yes, you better be sure...I want to see the plan posted....because YOU are gonna need it...and for brothers (and sisters) out there reading this, post up and let us know if he's reached out to get numbers from you...
Technically, this baby bird needs some feeding...or he gonna fall right outta the nest...and the big ol nasty nic cat is gonna eat him...over and over again...
And you have the nerve to post this on the intro of a new quitter?You are at about day 4, very close to my date. I'm technically at 2. I've been off since Saturday. I slipped on Tuesday a tiny amount. I feel I am about off nicotine physically. One more day. The craves are better already. The fog is a tad better. We can do this.
There is no TINY amount...You just stick your toe in the can? BULLSHIT! This is a prime example of an addict justifying his behavior...and for you to say you slipped in the same paragraph as telling the new quitter that YOU can do this with her? I'll give you the same advice I gave a day or two ago...right now, you need to do less supporting of the quit of others and more focusing on your own...
Yeah, I'm a prick...but I WILL hold you accountable!
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I'm on day 2. Technically, day 5 but I screwed up on day 3...was a woos, "oh i can't do this" etc. Had a half a piece of nicotine gum and an hour later a tiny chew.Â
You know what? It felt like shit. my head spun. I was woozy. It didn't taste right.
I felt gross.
One thing I will say about doing this the CT way is I feel physically cleaner.  It seems like I have more energy.
Also, I have not flipped out on anyone. I have been surprisingly calm. A little short, yes. Ready to blow a fucking gasket...yep. But I haven't. My bullshit meter is set to "notreallyputtingupwithanytoday" if that makes sense.Â
I can't promise to quit forever or even next year. Today though I can do this.
Bean
Technically? Bullshit! Technically, you fuckin caved! Not only gum but a dip...
You know what? until you realize what you are saying perpetuates your failures, you are doomed to technically keep repeating Day 1.
You have a quit plan written out? You have numbers? Before you answer yes, you better be sure...I want to see the plan posted....because YOU are gonna need it...and for brothers (and sisters) out there reading this, post up and let us know if he's reached out to get numbers from you...
Technically, this baby bird needs some feeding...or he gonna fall right outta the nest...and the big ol nasty nic cat is gonna eat him...over and over again...
And you have the nerve to post this on the intro of a new quitter?You are at about day 4, very close to my date. I'm technically at 2. I've been off since Saturday. I slipped on Tuesday a tiny amount. I feel I am about off nicotine physically. One more day. The craves are better already. The fog is a tad better. We can do this.
There is no TINY amount...You just stick your toe in the can? BULLSHIT! This is a prime example of an addict justifying his behavior...and for you to say you slipped in the same paragraph as telling the new quitter that YOU can do this with her? I'll give you the same advice I gave a day or two ago...right now, you need to do less supporting of the quit of others and more focusing on your own...
Yeah, I'm a prick...but I WILL hold you accountable!
beans,
here's the deal. we take quitting seriously here, and if you want to play on our playground, you'd better start playing by our rules. to be honest, i have no idea if you posted roll or not, but saying that it's "technically 5 days" even though you caved after 3 is disrespectful to all the quitters here that have the stones to man up and impose their will on their addiction.
you are on day 2, and unless something drastic changes in your attitude, you'll have many more day 2's down the road. you have to WANT this quit more than anything. you have to fight for your quit. you have to protect your quit.
honestly, if the IT dude at my work told me that i either had to give up my job or give up KTC, i'd start cleaning out my desk immediately. i work at a boarding school, so i'd also have to walk up the road and start boxing up all my shit right away. this site is non-negotiable. my quit is too important for work to get in my way.
come back when you've found the balls to do this. as of right now, you've been judged and found lacking. enjoy your slavery.
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misterbean,
There is a hard bit of truth that I learned during my first week here. It was an obvious truth to many, but I hadn't learned it:
ADDICTS ARE LYING PIECES OF SHIT WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR HABIT!!
You are no different. If you think you are, I suggest that you 1) lied about chewing for 30 years, or 2) your addict brain is feeding you lies and BS justifications (see above).
As CoachDoc says, there are no "technical" degrees of screw ups and you did NOT put that dip in and then think , "whoopsie! I forgot" You know what your were doing, and you won't be able to quit until you acknowledge that fact.
I'm WAY to new here to be preaching the KTC gospel, but I see classic addict-brain BS in your cave.
read about what it means to post roll, understand how F_ING SERIOUS we are about that promise, and jump in.
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:rustaf1:
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Misterbean - use your own name, not mine. Especially if you're going to post bullshit about caving after 2 days. Get serious or get lost.
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A "tiny chew". Seriously....
How 'bout just a "Tiny cancer". Is that better than a big cancer?
Nicotine is nicotine. No small amount of it can make you a tiny bit of a quitter.
You need a HUGE dose of shut the fuck up and QUIT!
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It was just a..
.. tiny chew. . . 'bang head'
Dammit man.
You said yourself you've tried a 1000 times before. Sounds like you have a little more then a tiny problem. Just like the rest of us.
It's time to stop trying, and start doing.
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We have much in common. Much. I have probably run 45 marathons. You and I are also addicts. Your intro has addict speak all over it. Please read my HOF speech. Please read a bunch of others. You are going to have a tough time but you can do it. Read, read, read. 1 day at a time.
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We have much in common. Much. I have probably run 45 marathons. You and I are also addicts. Your intro has addict speak all over it. Please read my HOF speech. Please read a bunch of others. You are going to have a tough time but you can do it. Read, read, read. 1 day at a time.
45? forty-fucking-five? no wonder you run like the wind.
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Day 1
I have a better attitude this time. No more patches, gum, crap. Today will be a great day cause it is day 1.
I have chewed since 1983. What is that like 31 years? I am 45. This is a majority of my life. I teach, coach track, and do a bunch of other stuff. Very involved in my community, I live in a tiny little town where if you want stuff done you gotta help pitch it to make it happen.
My primary motivation here is just better health. No scare. We've all seen the pictures. If that worked people would quit immediately. I am a nicotine addict. It's that simple. I need to remember to not break the law of addiction, that is all. Reading Allen Carr's book MANY times has helped change my mindset. It's not "easy" but he calls it the "Easyway"--what he is driving at is that we have been brainwashed into believing two things. That we get pleasure and enjoyment out of nicotine, and that it is the worst.thing.ever...to quit. Both are false. It only returns us to a close to normal state. For a while. Then we are back to craving and wanting.
Now I'm getting pissed. I've been buying a product for 31 years that has the potential to harm me, and it's sole purpose is to make me want more of that product. The only way around this is to stop using. Period.
I do notice several things about my general health while chewing. My mouth does hurt from time to time. I'm tired. All the f...n time. I am a runner and I want to get back to running complete marathons. I've done 6.
Another motivation for me is that I want to be around to a) see grandkids have their own children..30-40 years from now...and want to just enjoy life. So enough about me.
I did this before several times. Later today i will remember how to post roll...but consider me down for a DAY 1 today. NO MORE GRIZZLY!!
PV Coach
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Welcome to the November quit group. I saw that you posted roll. Remember to do that everyday, it's the daily promise we make to not use nicotine in any form for the day. Take it one day at a time and you'll be good.
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Welcome coach. Have you ever found your way to our halls of quitters before? If not, you've found the right place to help you in this struggle, but here's the deal: Jump into this place headfirst without the floaties or training wheels, and it'll save your life. Be here. Make it a part of your daily life. Get to know your brothers in November. Build relationships and accountability will ensue.
Two things:
1. Give your promise here via posting roll with your Nov. guys and anyone else for that matter.
2. Be a man of your word and keep that promise.
If you can do those two things, this place will save your ass.
Again, welcome. Let's do this.
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Welcome, pvc! Congratulations on making the best possible decision today. Based on your intro, I see two things that tell me you're a badass in the making:
1) You recognize that all forms of nicotine and nicotine replacement therapies (gum, patch, lozenge, etc) are complete and utter crap. If you didn't dump that shit along with your tins, go ahead and do so now.
2) You're getting pissed. Good. You should be pissed. You should be pissed at the nic bitch and pissed at yourself. I like to think of it like this (http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/1c/1c96ccf55226534971186d9f7b7ec718f6220b1e32e87588186d22dc1ff89268.jpg). Never forget that you are an addict and you will always be an addict. Use that anger as a reminder and to always stay vigilant.
PM me if you need digits. Beyond posting roll first thing every day, your November Quit Brothers and the rest of the vets around here are going to be your biggest asset in this fight.
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Welcome. Great intro. Great attitude. Just curious. You mention you have tried this several times before and that you will remember how to post roll. Have you been on KTC in the past and tried to quit? I could be reading that wrong but was just curious
Flanny
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Welcome, pvc! Congratulations on making the best possible decision today. Based on your intro, I see two things that tell me you're a badass in the making:
1) You recognize that all forms of nicotine and nicotine replacement therapies (gum, patch, lozenge, etc) are complete and utter crap. If you didn't dump that shit along with your tins, go ahead and do so now.
2) You're getting pissed. Good. You should be pissed. You should be pissed at the nic bitch and pissed at yourself. I like to think of it like this (http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/1c/1c96ccf55226534971186d9f7b7ec718f6220b1e32e87588186d22dc1ff89268.jpg). Never forget that you are an addict and you will always be an addict. Use that anger as a reminder and to always stay vigilant.
PM me if you need digits. Beyond posting roll first thing every day, your November Quit Brothers and the rest of the vets around here are going to be your biggest asset in this fight.
x2 ^^^^^. Pm me anytime you need someone to talk to.
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Yes I have been here before. Probably 4 or 5 years ago? Different name. I couldn't remember my log in, my password, nothing..
Yep, I will post roll daily. It's noon and still doing good. I have handled several phone calls and little projects No Big Deal!!
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You done what several times before, joined the KTC and caved? WTF?
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I thought that is what his intro meant. What the fuck happened back then that is going to be different than this time? Did you post roll daily? Support your brothers in your quit group? Did you get names and numbers of your brothers to help with your quit and their quit? I think what we all want to know is what is different now then before?
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Welcome Pv
You say you've done this before? Was that here? If so Pm a mod and they can find your old screen name. You've never done THIS before, THIS time your quit.
In any case glad you read the Alan Carr stuff. It will help with your mind.
Quitting Nicotine is chess not checkers.
Being tired, poor circulation, high blood pressure, heartburn, and a host of other issues are caused by nicotine. It isn't just cancer that shit gives you. Nicotine is a neurotoxin more lethal ounce per ounce than cobra venom.
You should be mad. That crap has stolen time from your family, thousands of dollars, and your health for thirty years. You have a short time period where your going to feel shitty. This is simply the price to pay to earn your freedom. A short period of uncomfortableness in exchange for your health, life and freedom? A Good trade
Sm
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Yes I have been here before. Probably 4 or 5 years ago? Different name. I couldn't remember my log in, my password, nothing..
Yep, I will post roll daily. It's noon and still doing good. I have handled several phone calls and little projects No Big Deal!!
Well, shit. You need to PM one of the admins (wastepanel, NOLAQ, 30yr, etc) and have them dig up your old username. There's no sneaking in the back door with a shiny new name if you quit (stopped, really) and then caved. They will also merge your new intro with your old one - assuming there was one.
What was your original quit date? You've got some 'splaining to do with your old quit group as well as your new November Quit Group.
Since you were here previously and have since caved, you need to come up with GOOD answers to the following 3 questions:
1) What happened?
2) Why did it happen?
3) What are you going to do differently next time so that it doesn't happen again?
Please keep in mind that if you half-ass your way through the answers to any of these questions, you will get called out for it and you probably won't like what you hear. If vague and cagey answers to those 3 questions were shit, we'd have a pile stacked to the moon by now. It would be there from the other cavers that have crossed that threshold a second time around, but weren't willing to really come clean about their addiction and do whatever was necessary to stay quit.
These answers aren't for us. They are for you.
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He does indeed have some explaining to do. We'll be waiting.
Ahem... (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1008137/1/)
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He does indeed have some explaining to do. We'll be waiting.
Ahem... (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1008137/1/)
bump for pvcoach a.k.a. misterbean. Welcome to jungle, but you've got some explaining to do pal.
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I am here again giving this another shot.
I am quite certain most of you know the nature of addiction. Even though today was going quite well, it had many difficult moments.
What went wrong? Not sure. I gave up too easily. I also think dealing with anxiety and OCD was part of it. So differently this time, took some steps to get treatment for those two things first. Have spent a lot of time reading and thinking. Thinking the medication I have for anxiety will also help with the deep depression that always has come with any quit attempt after a month or so.
I guess my last serious attempt was in 2012. Things went well for what seemed like about a month. I can't remember. I remember going into a very dark, dark depression. No medication. That's pretty much it.
Everything I read about this says don't ever give up. That's what I am doing. Not giving up. Thought the support would be helpful. Keep trying.
I know it is well intentioned, the tough love angle. I get that. I honestly could not even remember a username or what email I had ever used on this site before. If I were trying to pull a fast one, why wouldn't I just get a new email address and not say anything? Do any of you have anxiety and OCD? I would appreciate the help.
If I'm not welcome here, that's fine. There are similar boards that seem a bit more welcoming. Patiently waiting for your responses :)
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You are welcome - just answer the 3 questions and start post rolling
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I am here again giving this another shot.
I am quite certain most of you know the nature of addiction. Even though today was going quite well, it had many difficult moments.
What went wrong? Not sure. I gave up too easily. I also think dealing with anxiety and OCD was part of it. So differently this time, took some steps to get treatment for those two things first. Have spent a lot of time reading and thinking. Thinking the medication I have for anxiety will also help with the deep depression that always has come with any quit attempt after a month or so.
I guess my last serious attempt was in 2012. Things went well for what seemed like about a month. I can't remember. I remember going into a very dark, dark depression. No medication. That's pretty much it.
Everything I read about this says don't ever give up. That's what I am doing. Not giving up. Thought the support would be helpful. Keep trying.
I know it is well intentioned, the tough love angle. I get that. I honestly could not even remember a username or what email I had ever used on this site before. If I were trying to pull a fast one, why wouldn't I just get a new email address and not say anything? Do any of you have anxiety and OCD? I would appreciate the help.
If I'm not welcome here, that's fine. There are similar boards that seem a bit more welcoming. Patiently waiting for your responses :)
You are correct their are other boards that are more welcoming.
Some of those will tell you that it is ok to fail that somehow in the try try again philosophy it will someday stick.
We won't tell you that, we will tell you the truth you need to hear.
You are an addict. This is treatment.
Try is not in the vocabulary. Try is for somewhere else.
Here we quit.. no excused tendered nor accepted.
your move.
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You are welcome - just answer the 3 questions and start post rolling
Different this time?
Better mindset--not "giving up" anything but gaining something.
Medication to deal with my anxiety..
Post roll daily
I think I already answered the other two.
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I am here again giving this another shot.
I am quite certain most of you know the nature of addiction. Even though today was going quite well, it had many difficult moments.
What went wrong? Not sure. I gave up too easily. I also think dealing with anxiety and OCD was part of it. So differently this time, took some steps to get treatment for those two things first. Have spent a lot of time reading and thinking. Thinking the medication I have for anxiety will also help with the deep depression that always has come with any quit attempt after a month or so.
I guess my last serious attempt was in 2012. Things went well for what seemed like about a month. I can't remember. I remember going into a very dark, dark depression. No medication. That's pretty much it.
Everything I read about this says don't ever give up. That's what I am doing. Not giving up. Thought the support would be helpful. Keep trying.
I know it is well intentioned, the tough love angle. I get that. I honestly could not even remember a username or what email I had ever used on this site before. If I were trying to pull a fast one, why wouldn't I just get a new email address and not say anything? Do any of you have anxiety and OCD? I would appreciate the help.
If I'm not welcome here, that's fine. There are similar boards that seem a bit more welcoming. Patiently waiting for your responses :)
I don't think anyone thinks you were trying to pull a fast one. There are other boards that'll rub your back and tell it's okay to fail but that ain't us. Nor will you likely find a place with the success rate as high as KTC either, but I digress. To each their own. I prefer this method. It's the only thing that worked when nothing else did.
You're welcome bro. Just don't expect to be welcomed like it's the first day back to school after summer. You caved. Those guys in May 2012 that you started out with are as tight as ticks and you sorta left em high and dry. You're word to them back then was your promise and you didn't keep it. You see the point?
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You are welcome - just answer the 3 questions and start post rolling
Different this time?
Better mindset--not "giving up" anything but gaining something.
Medication to deal with my anxiety..
Post roll daily
I think I already answered the other two.
Try again...with feeling this time.
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I don't really know the first thing about having depression or anxiety, other than the fact that both can be all-consuming and most certainly not a problem you would wish to have. But, you have another problem that is entirely within your control. That's why you're here. That's why we're all here. For once, the real you, the rational you is speaking louder than the addict. It sounds like you're finally starting to listen.
Tough love isn't an angle. It's a matter-of-fact, no bullshit approach to facing your addiction head-on. What good does it do you or anyone else to coddle you and tell you that it's ok to keep slipping up? That's precisely what the addict wants to hear. There are plenty of other sites that will help you to kick the can down the road if that's really what you want.
Again, I won't even pretend to grasp the full nature of depression, but it seems to me that once your depression takes hold, you allow it to steer your decision making back to nicotine. That's basically another form of romanticizing dip and premeditating your cave. Depression or not, that's a classic cave move.
Looking at your past post history, it appears as though you stuck around for about a month posting roll and doing little else by way of interaction. That might well have been a very dark time for you, but it doesn't really look like you reached out to anyone for help, does it?
I'll be perfectly honest - I want you to stick around and I want you to stay quit, but you've got to want it more than I do. Or anyone else for that matter. Right now, you seem wishy-washy as fuck to me. Change that. Take charge. Get mad. Get REALLY mad that you are a slave to something that is entirely within your control to quit. Come in here and vent. Be honest with yourself and with others. Post Roll first thing in the morning and keep your word all day. Go to bed at night feeling proud that you just put another day without nicotine under your belt. In a nutshell, quit like fuck.
So, what's it going to be, beans?
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You want to be quit? You want to stop paying $$$ every day for poison that WILL KILL YOU? Then Read everything here, live the KTC plan, and own your quit to the point that it is the most important thing in your day until it doesn't need to be... You know you want to break free so do whatever it takes for the few weeks/months it will take for you to get free.
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I was SLAMMED with anxiety and depression when I quit. I had no idea what they even were prior to quitting, just something that "other people" got.
It sucked. I was scared shitless. I could barely complete simple tasks. I kept having anxiety attacks, I couldn't sleep, I wouldn't eat, I shut myself off to my wife, my kids, my friends, my family. I didn't answer my phone, texts, emails. My heart constantly raced, I couldn't sit still. I thought I was diabetic (no clue why), I thought I had cancer, I thought I was going to have a heart attack, I though I had a stroke, I had irrational thoughts, I thought I was dieing...I literally thought I was going crazy. I even left the sight for like a month.
But I never caved.
I went through a couple shrinks (one I would still like to punch in the face). I was going to counseling twice a week. I was put on anti-depression and anti anxiety meds. I came back to the site, and I continued to push forward.
808 days later, I'm on no meds. I eat like someone is going steal the food off my plate, I haven't been to a counselor or shrink in over a year, I'm still fairly active on this site, and I actually feel like a "normal" person.
Looking back I often wonder why the fuck didn't I just cave? Or take the advice of my doctor and ween down and use nrt products? Why the fuck did I go through all that shit? I was either stupid or I REALLY wanted to quit.
I'm a lot of things, but stupid ain't one.
I'm no Billy Bad Ass, either. In fact I'm a fucking pussy. Don't believe me, go read my intro (if you have 10 hours).
You really want to quit, do whatever it takes.
If an asshole like me can do it, anyone can...they just have to want to.