KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: CaseyB on September 04, 2015, 04:36:00 AM
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Introductions, huh?
I'm a writer by trade, a mother by choice, and a wife thanks to some vows and a lot of scotch. Actually, scotch led to the mother thing too. :$
I had been dipping for 19 years when I decided to quit cold turkey. My choice was Red Seal long cut natural, and I was going through a can a day. It's now been 17 days since my last dip, and it honestly hasn't been as bad as I feared. I threw away all the cans (or so I thought) Sunday, August 16th. Monday, August 17th I found a can with one dip left in it. Oh yeah, I enjoyed the hell out of that final dip.
Since then I've had to deal with some depression, mostly late at night. Last Monday night was the worst. Vertigo, hot and cold, the shakes, and finally the ever pleasant multi-colored yawn. Since then the side effects have been minor at worst. Still a little depression occasionally, but nothing watching football doesn't cure.
At first I tried the usual standbys, sunflower seeds and bacon jerky, but I don't want to gain weight. So I popped a cotton ball in my mouth.
Guys, it works. My worst time for needing a dip was when I was writing. It helped me concentrate. The third night in I was frantic. Jittery and really annoyed with everyone. The sodium in sunflower seeds and jerky is nearly as bad as nicotine so I started grasping at straws. Or rather, the giant bag of cotton balls. It sits right where the tobacco used to and you can move it around with your tongue. If you want, you can soak the cotton in your favorite drink. I prefer sweet tea. Now don't do that all the time because of cavities, but once a day or so is fine.
Okay, Novembros let's make this the best HOF month ever!
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Introductions, huh?
I'm a writer by trade, a mother by choice, and a wife thanks to some vows and a lot of scotch. Actually, scotch led to the mother thing too. :$
I had been dipping for 19 years when I decided to quit cold turkey. My choice was Red Seal long cut natural, and I was going through a can a day. It's now been 17 days since my last dip, and it honestly hasn't been as bad as I feared. I threw away all the cans (or so I thought) Sunday, August 16th. Monday, August 17th I found a can with one dip left in it. Oh yeah, I enjoyed the hell out of that final dip.
Since then I've had to deal with some depression, mostly late at night. Last Monday night was the worst. Vertigo, hot and cold, the shakes, and finally the ever pleasant multi-colored yawn. Since then the side effects have been minor at worst. Still a little depression occasionally, but nothing watching football doesn't cure.
At first I tried the usual standbys, sunflower seeds and bacon jerky, but I don't want to gain weight. So I popped a cotton ball in my mouth.
Guys, it works. My worst time for needing a dip was when I was writing. It helped me concentrate. The third night in I was frantic. Jittery and really annoyed with everyone. The sodium in sunflower seeds and jerky is nearly as bad as nicotine so I started grasping at straws. Or rather, the giant bag of cotton balls. It sits right where the tobacco used to and you can move it around with your tongue. If you want, you can soak the cotton in your favorite drink. I prefer sweet tea. Now don't do that all the time because of cavities, but once a day or so is fine.
Okay, Novembros let's make this the best HOF month ever!
Hello!
Welcome to the site, and congratulations on making a fantastic decision. I'm glad to hear things are going well for you. Quitting is different for all of us. For some, the anxiety and physical symptoms can see unbearable. For others, you're a little jittery and on edge, but it's not the worst thing in the world. Either way, this thing is definitely a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs. It will continue to level out and only get better with time.
Good idea with the cotton balls if that's what's working for you! I've heard of a few people soaking cotton balls in everything from mouthwash to brandy. Never tried it myself, but it must be working. Also, good job posting roll. Get to know the people in your group, post roll every day, and let accountability help you in your journey. It's huge.
Buuuut, just in the event you happen to find another can laying around, just remember, the best place for shit is the toilet. Dump it in, give it a flush, and let the sewer rats deal with it. I only bring it up because a LOT of folks encounter cans they forgot about in drawers, under the car seat, in jacket pockets they haven't worn for a while...and ya gotta be prepared mentally if that happens. It can freak people out big time.
Finally, feel free to use this intro page of yours as a personal journal of your quit if you'd like. You mentioned being a writer, so maybe it would be helpful for you to document things. Or fun. Or both. Or neither. It's up to you!
Quit on!
- Invader
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Congratulations on a great decision and making it 17 days by yourself. It gets better. Jump into this site with both feet and stick with it. You're gaining freedom back.
Nice job posting roll too "bro" ;)
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Congrats on making a great choice! And 17 days on your own is fantastic. Your intro was great...but learn how and why we post roll. Then do it. Everyday.
Also, my two cents...
Dip didn't "help you concentrate." I know you think it did. I thought that way too...we all did. What dip did was ease the withdrawal symptoms of not having dip. The nicotine poisoned and re-wired your brain to make you think it helped you when really what it was doing was killing you. Powerful shit, huh?
Also, you think anxiety, angst, jitters, depression, sweats, shakes suck? Well maybe. But they are a hell of a lot better than feeding tubes, tongue and jaw removal, disfiguring surgery (or surgeries) and a long slow decline until death. I also would guess that saying your final goodbye's to those who love you most would suck too...especially your child.
But here's the good news...you can quit. You can get back in control. You've done it on your own for 17 days. That is BADASS. Now let us help you the rest of the way. Look at those Quit Groups...not just your own, but a few other months/years. All of those names are folks who have gone through exactly what you are going through...and are winning ONE DAY AT A TIME.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
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Sounds like you are on the right path finding some alternatives.
Now its time to make the connection with a few others in your month and in this community to fight this thing together. It is never weak but rather smart to reach out to ask for help and to let others know what you are going through as there will be those who feel EXACTLY the way you do.
You are not alone.
You will do this.
Learn each day the power that your promise holds.
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Your last activity was September 4th as of this posting...So, I guess you got this all under control and all figured out. That 19-year love affair with dip you just described will simply fade away into the sunset; should make for a great novel.
If by chance you do come back and read your intro, take a few minutes and heed the advice of those who have posted before me, most namely Bean. Read and learn why we post roll. If you want that nicotine romance novel to become more like an action thriller where you kick the crap out of your nicotine addiction every day....then post roll. I'd rather read that book.
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I'm thinking this may be a little hard for you, I mean giving birth probably ranks right up there with it. Put your big girl panties on snug them up and get this shit done!
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Thanks for the support.
Instead of a romance novel, because eww, let's have nicotine as that little voice in your head whispering that secrets are what you never tell until no one can stop you. Sure we'll have the bashing-your-face-into-a-mirror-to-drown-out-the-voice-because-you're-only-hurting-yourself scene since novels need some sort of message, but mostly I'm thinking lots of violence.
Or we can go with nicotine as the siren of myth, leading folks to their doom. Sort of a fantasy novel. The heroine, that's me, has a magical crystal that revels the truth. That beguiling beauty is actually a toxic pile of noxious sludge. Imagine Clayface from Batman, but darker and slimier. For the denouement we learn the antagonist has no real power, relying on their charm. Of course the end will be left open since, like any good villain, nicotine addiction is never completely beaten. And there will be lots and lots of violence. A popular character dissolving in a black morass. More violence.
Now to stop talking about novels because it's reminding me of the angry lesbians demanding my second, tomorrow will be 21 days. YAY!!! To celebrate I'm getting a strawberry pie from Shoney's. I still find myself reaching for the can that isn't there. No real desire to dip, just really used to grabbing a can. Tomorrow the plan is to go buy one of those little can of breath mints and stuff it full of cotton.
I will do my absolute best to post roll every day.
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Glad to see that you checked in and that you're still quit. But what really makes me happy is to see your name on that roll post in November. I know, it feels like such a silly thing. Writing your name down with a bunch of internet strangers and promising to them that you won't use any nicotine for that day. Like, who the hell are these people, and why do they give a flying hoot if I write my name on this list? We care because we're addicts and at one point in our lives we all became so desperate to quit and stay quit that only each other could really keep it that way.
It's the accountability you see. Having to be accountable to someone other than yourself. I'm 635 days in as of this post, I have close to 40 phone numbers in my cell of people I met here. My name/handle is known across this entire site. If I cave to nicotine at this point, it would be epic. It will never happen...at least not for today. I made my roll post and my promise. The one thing I'm not anymore is a liar, not since I've quit nicotine. And it all starts with posting roll. Keep posting roll , get involved, and I would love to see you keep up this intro page. It's always a joy to read entries that are more eloquently written compared to the chicken scratch I put down.
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Glad to see that you checked in and that you're still quit. But what really makes me happy is to see your name on that roll post in November. I know, it feels like such a silly thing. Writing your name down with a bunch of internet strangers and promising to them that you won't use any nicotine for that day. Like, who the hell are these people, and why do they give a flying hoot if I write my name on this list? We care because we're addicts and at one point in our lives we all became so desperate to quit and stay quit that only each other could really keep it that way.
It's the accountability you see. Having to be accountable to someone other than yourself. I'm 635 days in as of this post, I have close to 40 phone numbers in my cell of people I met here. My name/handle is known across this entire site. If I cave to nicotine at this point, it would be epic. It will never happen...at least not for today. I made my roll post and my promise. The one thing I'm not anymore is a liar, not since I've quit nicotine. And it all starts with posting roll. Keep posting roll , get involved, and I would love to see you keep up this intro page. It's always a joy to read entries that are more eloquently written compared to the chicken scratch I put down.
Agreed. We see a lot of names and faces come and go in the intros section. Lots of "i'm sick of this shit" and good intentions.
It's the ones who post roll and do it EDD (and do it with integrity) who have about a 100% chance of success.
Welcome to freedom! Glad to have you aboard.
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Now I've posted roll two days in a row. Maybe three. Eh, I don't like numbers much.
Tonight a lot of work was finished on a chapter. Bunch of violence. Some humor. Gore. You know, fun stuff. It's the first night I've written for more than an hour since I stopped dipping. This makes me happy for two reasons. One, I'm closer to my fans not stringing me up by my toenails. Secondly, and arguably more importantly but I do like my toenails, it was also the first night I didn't reach for the can. Dipped the ever loving hell out of some cotton balls though.
Another thing that has interested me is how quickly extra cash starts showing up. This week-end we spent my dip money. Ate Chinese (they have stuffed crab to die for), hit Books-A-Million for a large mocha frappe with an extra shot of espresso and a chocolate milk, got three books for my son, and we got him a Skylander figure since he dealt so well with evil-mommy for a week.
The only weird thing I've noticed is my sleeping. Sarah* always used to shake her head at me only needing six hours a night. Dipping was always assumed to be the cause, except now I'm down to roughly five. Maybe R.E.M. state is happening faster?
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Let's talk about rewards. Well, rewards for quitting.
For the first week of quitting, I got a night of... uhmmm... book reading with my husband. Yes, reading books. Big,long, hard cover tomes. Sent our son to my parents and flipped pages all night long.
Second week, all three of us went to eat at Umi's, a Japanese steak house and my favorite place for fancy dinner. Sushi and tempura fried soft shelled crab. Then we came home and Goof and I read under the covers.
Monday was day 21. Three whole weeks nicotine free. I got a Shoney's strawberry pie and Goof got a dildo. That way if he tried to touch my pie he could go f- himself.
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Whew, you're still here! Casey, congratulations on the three weeks. I'm glad you've been able to get some writing done. So, you mentioned fans. Do you post your stuff on DeviantArt or something of that nature? I like to write as well, but I've completely ran out of ideas for the moment. I'm sure you've been in a position where you'd like to write, but the inspiration and mood just is not there. It can't be forced! Well, it CAN, but the end result is usually sort of crappy.
Also, well done on the consecutive roll posts! The best thing to do is to make posting a part of your morning routine. It keeps ya honest!
Oh, and one more thing...I haven't even SEEN a Shoney's in probably 20 years. The jealousy is off the charts right now.
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Keep it up Ms. B, it's going to keep getting better!
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Whew, you're still here! Casey, congratulations on the three weeks. I'm glad you've been able to get some writing done. So, you mentioned fans. Do you post your stuff on DeviantArt or something of that nature? I like to write as well, but I've completely ran out of ideas for the moment. I'm sure you've been in a position where you'd like to write, but the inspiration and mood just is not there. It can't be forced! Well, it CAN, but the end result is usually sort of crappy.
Also, well done on the consecutive roll posts! The best thing to do is to make posting a part of your morning routine. It keeps ya honest!
Oh, and one more thing...I haven't even SEEN a Shoney's in probably 20 years. The jealousy is off the charts right now.
I'm Casey Bramble, author of the Windows fantasy novels series. Currently there's only the first book, A Broken Fairy Tale, out but the second, The Ivory Tower, will be coming out soon. Three more follow that. They're released on Amazon.
Sometimes forcing your way through writer's block is the best thing. Just sit down and type out utter crap. Our best tool as writers is editing.
Sort of like kicking the can in a way. Grit your teeth and get through it.
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Whew, you're still here! Casey, congratulations on the three weeks. I'm glad you've been able to get some writing done. So, you mentioned fans. Do you post your stuff on DeviantArt or something of that nature? I like to write as well, but I've completely ran out of ideas for the moment. I'm sure you've been in a position where you'd like to write, but the inspiration and mood just is not there. It can't be forced! Well, it CAN, but the end result is usually sort of crappy.
Also, well done on the consecutive roll posts! The best thing to do is to make posting a part of your morning routine. It keeps ya honest!
Oh, and one more thing...I haven't even SEEN a Shoney's in probably 20 years. The jealousy is off the charts right now.
I'm Casey Bramble, author of the Windows fantasy novels series. Currently there's only the first book, A Broken Fairy Tale, out but the second, The Ivory Tower, will be coming out soon. Three more follow that. They're released on Amazon.
Sometimes forcing your way through writer's block is the best thing. Just sit down and type out utter crap. Our best tool as writers is editing.
Sort of like kicking the can in a way. Grit your teeth and get through it.
Maybe you can write about what it really means to be addicted to this shit! Quit on you're doing great, you will continue to compare things in your life to quitting, it's awesome!
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I thought you were a long term quitter when you posted on my introduction thread CaseyB. Keep the quit going and PM me if you ever need support. With luck I will never catch up to you but we will both remain tobacco free. :D
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Whew, you're still here! Casey, congratulations on the three weeks. I'm glad you've been able to get some writing done. So, you mentioned fans. Do you post your stuff on DeviantArt or something of that nature? I like to write as well, but I've completely ran out of ideas for the moment. I'm sure you've been in a position where you'd like to write, but the inspiration and mood just is not there. It can't be forced! Well, it CAN, but the end result is usually sort of crappy.
Also, well done on the consecutive roll posts! The best thing to do is to make posting a part of your morning routine. It keeps ya honest!
Oh, and one more thing...I haven't even SEEN a Shoney's in probably 20 years. The jealousy is off the charts right now.
I'm Casey Bramble, author of the Windows fantasy novels series. Currently there's only the first book, A Broken Fairy Tale, out but the second, The Ivory Tower, will be coming out soon. Three more follow that. They're released on Amazon.
Sometimes forcing your way through writer's block is the best thing. Just sit down and type out utter crap. Our best tool as writers is editing.
Sort of like kicking the can in a way. Grit your teeth and get through it.
Maybe you can write about what it really means to be addicted to this shit! Quit on you're doing great, you will continue to compare things in your life to quitting, it's awesome!
Windows is, in essence, the tale of a psychotic demon trapped in the soul of an insane lesbian sorceress. Nothing is out of the realm of possibilities when I put finger to keyboard.
I could jot down a few short stories on occasion, when taking a break from the books. Post them here and on my website.
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I thought you were a long term quitter when you posted on my introduction thread CaseyB. Keep the quit going and PM me if you ever need support. With luck I will never catch up to you but we will both remain tobacco free. :D
We are long term quitters. We just haven't flipped enough pages on our calendars yet. 'sac'
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I thought you were a long term quitter when you posted on my introduction thread CaseyB. Keep the quit going and PM me if you ever need support. With luck I will never catch up to you but we will both remain tobacco free. :D
We are long term quitters. We just haven't flipped enough pages on our calendars yet. 'sac'
Having just caught up on your past few posts, me thinks you are learning what freedom tastes like. Freedom, it tickles the senses actually; especially breaking free from the chains of nicotine addiction. Pay attention to those senses, smell, taste, touch, etc...they're all somewhat different when that "demon" isn't distorting your perception of them.
Proud of you Casey B. I really am. Just remember, long term quits are merely an aspiration. Today I'm 640 days in, a drop in the bucket compared to 18 years of addiction. I aspire to be free of nicotine for more years than having been constricted by it's addictive chains. The thing is, I can't get there unless I stay quit today. Flipping the calendar only happens when that next day happens to be a new month. However, I do like being able to flip backwards to grasp how far I have come.
I am quit with you today Casey!
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Watching that damned game against the Orange Jack-asses made the craving bad. I'm over needing nicotine, but really missed the flavor yesterday. First Raven's game I've ever seen without dip.
And our offense shit the bed. 'Finger'
Got through it though. Large mocha frappe' and a smile from the pretty girl that fixed it.
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Watching that damned game against the Orange Jack-asses made the craving bad. I'm over needing nicotine, but really missed the flavor yesterday. First Raven's game I've ever seen without dip.
And our offense shit the bed. 'Finger'
Got through it though. Large mocha frappe' and a smile from the pretty girl that fixed it.
Tell me about it. I'm an Eagles fan!
After we lost to the Falcons tonight I thought to myself "thank God I didn't watch that whole game with a dip in my mouth like I used to do". I'd be a loser twice.... :D
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Watching that damned game against the Orange Jack-asses made the craving bad. I'm over needing nicotine, but really missed the flavor yesterday. First Raven's game I've ever seen without dip.
And our offense shit the bed. 'Finger'
Got through it though. Large mocha frappe' and a smile from the pretty girl that fixed it.
Tell me about it. I'm an Eagles fan!
After we lost to the Falcons tonight I thought to myself "thank God I didn't watch that whole game with a dip in my mouth like I used to do". I'd be a loser twice.... :D
My first thought was, "I'm going to bash their skulls in like they're baby seals."
Followed shortly by, "Ah shit, Sizzle is done for the year."
Goof did good when I mentioned I was really wanting a dip. Told me how proud he was that I've quit, reminded me why I stopped, etc...
And your team... oh wow that was bad. A few years back when The Ol' Ball Coach (Spurrier) first started coaching the Redskins, I remember them putting up huge numbers in the pre-season. Then they went something like 4-12, completely missing the playoffs. The NFL is a different game when teams are game-planning to stop you.
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38 days in. Alabama lost. The Ravens lost. And no dip to make the pain go away.
Fortunately there are ways to distract myself. But it would be nice if my favorite teams would lend a hand and stop blowing like a Microsoft vacuum.
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I can't math. Not really sure how many days it is, so we're considering this, right here, day 38 because that's what I posted on roll.
So I go a month and a half without dip, and the Ravens go three straight weeks without a win. Smells like a conspiracy.
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I can't math. Not really sure how many days it is, so we're considering this, right here, day 38 because that's what I posted on roll.
So I go a month and a half without dip, and the Ravens go three straight weeks without a win. Smells like a conspiracy.
Casey, you can always check the November Spreadsheet (a link is up top in the roll post).
It has you at 43 days, although being quit for today is more important for both of us than the number.
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I can't math. Not really sure how many days it is, so we're considering this, right here, day 38 because that's what I posted on roll.
So I go a month and a half without dip, and the Ravens go three straight weeks without a win. Smells like a conspiracy.
Casey, you can always check the November Spreadsheet (a link is up top in the roll post).
It has you at 43 days, although being quit for today is more important for both of us than the number.
Casey I love my Tide, they could lose 25 straight and I wouldn't give up my freedom for 2 championships! Hehe you're doing great girlfriend! Quit on!
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I can't math. Not really sure how many days it is, so we're considering this, right here, day 38 because that's what I posted on roll.
So I go a month and a half without dip, and the Ravens go three straight weeks without a win. Smells like a conspiracy.
Casey, you can always check the November Spreadsheet (a link is up top in the roll post).
It has you at 43 days, although being quit for today is more important for both of us than the number.
Casey I love my Tide, they could lose 25 straight and I wouldn't give up my freedom for 2 championships! Hehe you're doing great girlfriend! Quit on!
Roll Damn Tide.
Unfortunately they're not doing well either. 'bang head'
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I can't math. Not really sure how many days it is, so we're considering this, right here, day 38 because that's what I posted on roll.
So I go a month and a half without dip, and the Ravens go three straight weeks without a win. Smells like a conspiracy.
Casey, you can always check the November Spreadsheet (a link is up top in the roll post).
It has you at 43 days, although being quit for today is more important for both of us than the number.
Damn, 43 days? At fifty I'm going buck-ass wild.
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Day 55, longest time ever without nicotine. Good day all the way around too. Molehill is doing well in school, got to eat at the local steak house, and picked up a new book.
We've also finally settled on a name for the kitten that's been living with us for two weeks. Springy Hissy McBoing-Boing.
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Day 55, longest time ever without nicotine. Good day all the way around too. Molehill is doing well in school, got to eat at the local steak house, and picked up a new book.
We've also finally settled on a name for the kitten that's been living with us for two weeks. Springy Hissy McBoing-Boing.
Keep the quit on CaseyB!
I'm at day 38 here myself and it is inspiring to see folks ahead of me succeeding.
I would have called that cat "Spike" or something but then again I don't have a lot of imagination. LOL
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Let's talk about rewards. Well, rewards for quitting.
For the first week of quitting, I got a night of... uhmmm... book reading with my husband. Yes, reading books. Big,long, hard cover tomes. Sent our son to my parents and flipped pages all night long.
Second week, all three of us went to eat at Umi's, a Japanese steak house and my favorite place for fancy dinner. Sushi and tempura fried soft shelled crab. Then we came home and Goof and I read under the covers.
Monday was day 21. Three whole weeks nicotine free. I got a Shoney's strawberry pie and Goof got a dildo. That way if he tried to touch my pie he could go f- himself.
Where is Umi? Sounds good. And congrats on your quit!!!!!!!! Keep it up ODAAT.
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Let's talk about rewards. Well, rewards for quitting.
For the first week of quitting, I got a night of... uhmmm... book reading with my husband. Yes, reading books. Big,long, hard cover tomes. Sent our son to my parents and flipped pages all night long.
Second week, all three of us went to eat at Umi's, a Japanese steak house and my favorite place for fancy dinner. Sushi and tempura fried soft shelled crab. Then we came home and Goof and I read under the covers.
Monday was day 21. Three whole weeks nicotine free. I got a Shoney's strawberry pie and Goof got a dildo. That way if he tried to touch my pie he could go f- himself.
Where is Umi? Sounds good. And congrats on your quit!!!!!!!! Keep it up ODAAT.
Umi's is in Florence, though I think they're a small chain. Right on the corner of Cox Creek and Florence Blvd. Excellent location to eat some sushi/steak and go grab a frappe from Joe Muggs.
Day 56 and writing is getting easier. I can concentrate more and haven't dealt with any depression, though I did hurt my elbow working out the other day.
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Day 55, longest time ever without nicotine. Good day all the way around too. Molehill is doing well in school, got to eat at the local steak house, and picked up a new book.
We've also finally settled on a name for the kitten that's been living with us for two weeks. Springy Hissy McBoing-Boing.
Keep the quit on CaseyB!
I'm at day 38 here myself and it is inspiring to see folks ahead of me succeeding.
I would have called that cat "Spike" or something but then again I don't have a lot of imagination. LOL
Just one day at a time it. Cotton balls, sweet tea, candy corn (the Smore's version is to die for), anything to keep from going back to nic.