KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: QuitInCA on September 09, 2014, 12:27:00 PM
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My daily suicide came first in the form of a present from my brother. Christmas time time 2011, my brother gave me a little present that looked like a big tootsie roll. He said it was something he got on his travels through the southern Alabama (he was in sales at the time) and thought it was a funny stereotype gift from area. He said if you open it you have to try it. I said ok whatever sure.
I opened it up, and I didn't understand what it was. Dry snuff in a little cylindrical can. He said take a pinch and snort it up your nose. I did, and that's the last time my life was ever the same.
At first it was kind of a novelty, you snort it, your eyes water, you cough, you laugh at everyone trying a pinch. Then I noticed the buzz was like a caffeine punch to the face and my alertness level rose. I started taking a pinch before big meetings. Huh weird, this stuff actually kinda helps....
I didn't realize I had an addictive personality up to that point. I started justifying my habit by pressuring the buddies next to me, "just take a pinch this stuff is awesome." Looking back I'm happily shocked I never transitioned to cocaine, I would probably be dead.
After a solid 9 months of snorting that crap, I realized my habit had gotten bad. I was now hiding the fact I was snorting maybe 30-40 pinches a day, to the point I couldn't breathe out of my nose most of the time. I went on a trip with a buddy to have a no reason drunkfest in in the northwest, but crap, I forgot my dry snuff! So he handed me his dip can. I said "no way that stuff makes me sick." Little did I know, I had already built up the nicotine tolerance of polar bear.
I thought dip would be a good way for me to wean myself off dry snuff. 1 can a week or so...then 2 a week...then 1 every other day... then 1 or 2 cans a day. You guys know the drill.
It was all fun and games ninja dipping while I was single, then when I was also just dating my future wife.
We got engaged, and I said to myself, "I'm going to quit this when we get married." Well, that idea came and went. "I'm just going to dip on the weekends on my way to home depot." Ok, well maybe just on the way to work..and back." "Ok, maybe just a little bit at work too, I'm bored at my desk, it helps me work faster."
Over a year has gone by since I said I was going to stop. Stopping is not quitting, Kdip mentioned this in the chatroom yesterday. I'm sick of lying to my wife, I'm tired of being a slave to this horrible addiction. I'm tired of feeling like a piece of shit that can't even keep a promise to myself to improve my life. I'm tired of worrying that I'll get cancer and die, but not being able to put down a tin... and for what??
Can't get a cheap rate on life insurance right now, so I don't even have it. Is that how I want to leave my wife if I get in a car accident on the way home today. What a shitty selfish way to live.
It's Day 2 and I quit dying slowly over time yesterday. I am embracing the suck right now. And boy does it suck so good. Hat tip to Kdip who mentioned green tea on the way to work, then dip the leaves to get the oral fix. That saved me this morning. Can't thank you enough for that solid tip.
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Its horrifying how addictive this shit is. Good on ya for deciding to quit while you are young. (and before something really bad happens) Stay close to this site. Its sucks bad at first but gets better and better as you keep stacking up the days. ODAAT Bro! Welcome.
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I forgot to mention I looked through all my backpacks, all my pockets, everywhere in my car. Threw away every tin and remnant of the slave drug yesterday. It's over, and I'm going to need the support of this group to see this through. I can do much better with my life.
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Great work on your decision.
Build a network of support and redirect your mind when the craving come.
Every time I think of of it I get on this site and read, post and chat. It is great therapy.
Stay strong, one day at a time,
Charles
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Congrats on the quit. Simple advice. post roll daily. no options, no wavering. you need to post daily and give all of us your promise to stay quit for that day. Then repeat. Grab as many numbers as possible. Reach out to anyone and ask for their number so you have all of them close in case you need them. Everyone here has been through what you are going through. Some handle it better than others. Some cave, while others stay quit because they promised to be a man of their word and to not let down their KTC brothers. Your choice. You certainly have taken the right step.
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Drink a lot of water the next few days. Dip tea, coffee grinds, beef jerky, mint leaves, seeds- anything but nicotine. It'll get worse before it gets better but IT WILL get better. Read, read and then read some more on KTC. Read intros, read hOF speeches, read words of wisdom, read posts within your group.
Own your quit every damn day. Wake up, piss and post roll. Make that promise every day to yourself and to us.
Quit today with you and I'll wake up and do it again tomorrow.
Quit on.
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That was a great Intro. It's interesting to hear of all the various ways we all got started down the path to nicotine addiction. Regardless of the start, in time it's the same; a relentless cycle of being stuck doing something that is no longer even enjoyable and wishing we had a way to quit. Well you've found the way to quit for good right here. Read, read and read some more. There is strength and encouragement aplenty to be found here. I couldn't have gotten this far (79 days now) without KTC.
I'm proud to quit with you.
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QuitInCa I am right here with you man. Day 2 for me also and if there is anything that you need hit me up. Together we can do this. Check your pm's
Neil
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QuitInCa I am right here with you man. Day 2 for me also and if there is anything that you need hit me up. Together we can do this. Check your pm's
Neil
This right here is what it's about. Nice pickup Nopenhagen. You two can lean on each other when it gets rough, and it's going to.
Remember the first few days, men. They suck. Bad.
But you can power through, and you need to. Freedom is worth it.
If you need anything, don't be afraid to reach out to anyone here.
Stay strong. Stay Quit.
-Nolaq
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Great intro, I have never heard of the dry snuff snorting thing. It's gonna suck until it doesn't, so drink water by the gallon and hang on tight.
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Great intro, I have never heard of the dry snuff snorting thing. It's gonna suck until it doesn't, so drink water by the gallon and hang on tight.
"I, myself, am a heavy nasal snuffer. The only time my nose has ever bled from it, is from wiping out the inside of my nostrils too much. Instead, as you get used to snuff, you just let it drip down the back of your throat and spit it out, or just swallow it. Avoid over-blowing your nose to reduce the chance of nose bleed. Gatta train those nostrils to be as tough as leather! lol"
I copied the above from some online discussion about nasal snuff. What a fucking idiot! The sad thing is that used to be me too. I used to do nasal snuff too, in addition to the almost 2 cans a day I used to dip. I used to get bad bloody noses from my nose lining being as tore up as my gums. I am so glad those days are behind us! What a dumbass I used to be. Well, I'm still a dumbass. But I am a CLEAN dumbass.
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Great intro, I have never heard of the dry snuff snorting thing. It's gonna suck until it doesn't, so drink water by the gallon and hang on tight.
"I, myself, am a heavy nasal snuffer. The only time my nose has ever bled from it, is from wiping out the inside of my nostrils too much. Instead, as you get used to snuff, you just let it drip down the back of your throat and spit it out, or just swallow it. Avoid over-blowing your nose to reduce the chance of nose bleed. Gatta train those nostrils to be as tough as leather! lol"
I copied the above from some online discussion about nasal snuff. What a fucking idiot! The sad thing is that used to be me too. I used to do nasal snuff too, in addition to the almost 2 cans a day I used to dip. I used to get bad bloody noses from my nose lining being as tore up as my gums. I am so glad those days are behind us! What a dumbass I used to be. Well, I'm still a dumbass. But I am a CLEAN dumbass.
The bloody noses were out of control. I used to keep a rag in my truck for such situations on the highway so I wouldn't have to pull over. I would just tell everyone they were from allergies. I think us former snorters are a weird masochistic kind of addict, a dangerous tendency, knowing full well tearing up the nasal lining can't be a good thing. Those days are done and in the past.
I'm embarrassed looking back at my actions. I'm full speed ahead on the quit train, it's Day 3 afternoon and I can feel the nicotine leaving my body. I was under my house last night checking on some pipes, and man the headache just smacked me out of nowhere. Having no way to escape quickly and compromise my quit, that was probably the best place to be.
Waking up today was rough, and I have a head fog that no amount of coffee is helping. But apparently this is the Suck, and it will pass according to you guys.
I am very happy to be rid of the guilt and shame from letting myself down daily each time I put in the chew. This forum is like a power boost each time I look at it, thanks gentlemen!
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Great intro, I have never heard of the dry snuff snorting thing. It's gonna suck until it doesn't, so drink water by the gallon and hang on tight.
"I, myself, am a heavy nasal snuffer. The only time my nose has ever bled from it, is from wiping out the inside of my nostrils too much. Instead, as you get used to snuff, you just let it drip down the back of your throat and spit it out, or just swallow it. Avoid over-blowing your nose to reduce the chance of nose bleed. Gatta train those nostrils to be as tough as leather! lol"
I copied the above from some online discussion about nasal snuff. What a fucking idiot! The sad thing is that used to be me too. I used to do nasal snuff too, in addition to the almost 2 cans a day I used to dip. I used to get bad bloody noses from my nose lining being as tore up as my gums. I am so glad those days are behind us! What a dumbass I used to be. Well, I'm still a dumbass. But I am a CLEAN dumbass.
The bloody noses were out of control. I used to keep a rag in my truck for such situations on the highway so I wouldn't have to pull over. I would just tell everyone they were from allergies. I think us former snorters are a weird masochistic kind of addict, a dangerous tendency, knowing full well tearing up the nasal lining can't be a good thing. Those days are done and in the past.
I'm embarrassed looking back at my actions. I'm full speed ahead on the quit train, it's Day 3 afternoon and I can feel the nicotine leaving my body. I was under my house last night checking on some pipes, and man the headache just smacked me out of nowhere. Having no way to escape quickly and compromise my quit, that was probably the best place to be.
Waking up today was rough, and I have a head fog that no amount of coffee is helping. But apparently this is the Suck, and it will pass according to you guys.
I am very happy to be rid of the guilt and shame from letting myself down daily each time I put in the chew. This forum is like a power boost each time I look at it, thanks gentlemen!
Brother you are on the right path. Just keep quitting and I PROMISE you it will get better. The formula here really works.
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One of my favorite activities was setting quit dates at various milestones...clerkship, graduation, 1st real job, marriage, birth of kid 1, birth of kid 2, and tons of bdays and new years mixed in there. I actually would rationalize that it "was okay to take that dip now, because I'll be quitting on next week anyway, right?"
Holy shit. I still cringe at how stooopid I was. Well, I might still be stupid, but I am clean and stupid...which is a whole lot better. I just to be way more stupider.
Day 2 is HUGE. They say it takes 4 days to get nic out of your system. I don't know about that...I didn't test it. But I do recall being constipated, sleepless, white-knuckled, and anxious about a headache that wouldn't go away and mouth sores that I was sure were cancerous. And I LOVED those things. Those were the feeling of healing. Those withdrawal symptoms proved to me that I was kicking the Nic Bitch's ass ONE DAY AT A TIME. And nothing feels better than earning your freedom.
You got this, brother!
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You're doing great. Keep it up. One bit of advice. I've heard that caffeine makes the nicotine withdrawals worse. If you can avoid caffeine you will likely feel better and have less intense nic cravings.
Quit on. Failure is not an option if you are a man of your word.
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You're doing great. Keep it up. One bit of advice. I've heard that caffeine makes the nicotine withdrawals worse. If you can avoid caffeine you will likely feel better and have less intense nic cravings.
Quit on. Failure is not an option if you are a man of your word.
Update on tonight: Working in my garage without the drug. This is a first in a loooooong time. I'm holding on strong, failing is not an option grizzly. I can't go back, that was a horrible time in my life and I will keep reminding myself of that fact.
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Day 4. Waking up today was much easier, seems like the nicotine is out of my system so the hangover is gone...maybe? Cravings are not hitting me yet, but I'm looking for something to do in the car now on the way to work. Thinking of ordering some of the herbal fake stuff. I miss the taste of the wintergreen, but I can honestly say I feel better without the nic today.
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Day 4. Waking up today was much easier, seems like the nicotine is out of my system so the hangover is gone...maybe? Cravings are not hitting me yet, but I'm looking for something to do in the car now on the way to work. Thinking of ordering some of the herbal fake stuff. I miss the taste of the wintergreen, but I can honestly say I feel better without the nic today.
From everything I have read the nicotine is definitely out of your system. Congrats, that is awesome. You are clean. I was in the disoriented, not sleeping 'Fog" for about 2 weeks. When it cleared I felt like a new man. Its all mental now CA! You got this. Trust me, if I did it you can too.
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Day 4. Waking up today was much easier, seems like the nicotine is out of my system so the hangover is gone...maybe? Cravings are not hitting me yet, but I'm looking for something to do in the car now on the way to work. Thinking of ordering some of the herbal fake stuff. I miss the taste of the wintergreen, but I can honestly say I feel better without the nic today.
Good stuff here dude!
Yup... You be clean. 72 hrs in and you've flushed that crap from your body. The years of poisoning and conditioning won't go away so quickly but you're sharpening the tools you need to deal. That's awesome.
I'm gonna letcha in on my fav for craves and the general "I need stuff in my mouth" feeling...
Atomic fireballs.
They be all kinda awesome.
At 513 I still have 'em on hand. I don't need 'em... Just dig 'em.
Keep it up bro. If you need a hand, just pm me. I'll do what I can.
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Awesome job! Keep up the good work! I found "smokey mountain" herbal snuff to be decent, had a sweeter taste than dip, but close, however it does have the strange side effect of making your tongue numb
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Awesome job! Keep up the good work! I found "smokey mountain" herbal snuff to be decent, had a sweeter taste than dip, but close, however it does have the strange side effect of making your tongue numb
So does 30 minutes of oral sex (man to woman), and as long as it's not dip, your all good.
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Sounds like you have a good thing going. Keep it up. Use you intro as a journal towards cleanliness. Keep on posting the good and the bad. It's nice to look back and see the hell you go through and realize you never want to go through it again.
Quit with you today
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Day 5. Almost through a whole work week with no nic, and super proud of myself. I have some friends coming into town this weekend, which will pretty much eliminate the ability for me screw up and ninja dip. This is a good thing for my first weekend. Quitting strong on this awesome Friday
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Rock on man! Be careful not to let your guard down just because you have friends around. We all know that when we dipped, not much could stop us. Have fun, but don't forget to post roll and keep yourself accountable all weekend. Quit on, brother
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Where are ya, QuitinCA?
See you haven't been online since September 12 ... no roll posts ... any December quitters heard from QuitinCA?
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Day 7 and I'm here guys still quitting strong. Thanks for checking in. I didn't bring my work laptop home this weekend due to friends staying over, so wasn't able to post. Next time I'll shoot a text to my quit group supporters and have them post roll.
I have to say waking up for work today was the easiest Monday AM I have had in a long time. The old morning routine of needing my fix the second I woke up is gone. Not having to put one in to start my day feels great. I have started to sleep more soundly already.
We all have a long road ahead of us, a lifetime of quit to be exact. I am trying my best to keep this optimism strong ODAAT
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Next time I'll shoot a text to my quit group supporters and have them post roll.
Do that CA. You've got a brother that was worried about you in Canless.
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Next time I'll shoot a text to my quit group supporters and have them post roll.
Do that CA. You've got a brother that was worried about you in Canless.
I'd get Canless' digits pronto if it were me, sounds like he is a bad ass quitter.
Day 6, Day 60, day 600, post roll, or get someone to post it for you. Trust in the system CA......
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I went through a short time period where I thought I was strapped securely to my quit rocket, and missed roll a few days. After some righteous anger from the other solid quitters in our group, Anthony spoke out. I am grateful for his quick switch and leadership so I could see the error in my ways.
You know what you're all right, this is my ah ha moment. Reading all of your comments made me realize that I need to stop making excuses. Why would I not fully participate in something that will undoubtedly give me a better quality of life and hopefully a much LONGER life.
Today I am willing to fully commit if you are all willing to stand beside me. I set reminders in my phone for EVERY DAY and I will do my best to post roll EVERY DAY. I know from veterans like P23 and Slug.go that this is how they stay quit everyday. They've developed a winning formula and I will follow it. I have been quit for 47 days and I fully intend to stay quit one day at a time. I apologize to those of you who I have pissed off and/or let down.
This morning as I'm reading the scraps that ensued this morning, I first agreed with Anthony. I agreed when he asked: isn't it good that we aren't thinking of chew, even if we forget to post? If chew is not on your mind it's good right?
I live way up in the mountains. Downed power lines, no internet, and road closures are a real deal where I live. no power/no internet/no cell service has prevented a few of my posts...... BUT
It's true that I'm personally doing fantastic in MY quit. But I went back and read my intro and one word stuck in my mind about the person I didn't want to be anymore, "Selfish."
I went through the withdrawls, the headaches, the sickness, the suck, the craves, just like everyone one else here. I have been dip free 100% since that first day I entered the chat room 37 days ago. I don't take my quit lightly, but then again neither do any of YOU. You have been here with me in this group whether I wanted it or not; but the fact of the matter is I do want it.
I felt like a giant pile of crap when I saw my posting percentage at 85%. Someone suggested to drop us. It's still a B average, but A's don't cave plain and simple. I sure as hell am not going to be dropped.
Anthony promised it, and so will I. I have been quit for 37 days now out of the rest of my life. Today I am committed to posting roll EVERY DAY out of respect to myself, to all of you, and the promise I made the day I first posted roll. I am sorry
If there is no internet, somehow, some way I will get in touch with Sir Nope
I have been making my promise EVERY DAMN DAY since 10/14/14 when I wrote this in the group. And will continue to do so. This site has changed my life. It has been a rough journey but the best ride overall.
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Today is day Day 96. Soxfnn sent me a message last night that its been two solid months of me posting roll 100%. I hadn't really even thought of it like that in a while. What I do think about now, is that I can't wait to post roll every day.
For anyone new reading this: If you post every single day, this site works. You HAVE to get phone numbers, emails, whatever from the other quitters. You need accountabilibuddies and battle buddies. With so much support there is no reason to miss roll and fail.
You only have one shot to have a 100% roll post (Daily Promise). Don't mess it up like I did. That is my one regret thus far in my quit.
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Today is day Day 96. Soxfnn sent me a message last night that its been two solid months of me posting roll 100%. I hadn't really even thought of it like that in a while. What I do think about now, is that I can't wait to post roll every day.
For anyone new reading this: If you post every single day, this site works. You HAVE to get phone numbers, emails, whatever from the other quitters. You need accountabilibuddies and battle buddies. With so much support there is no reason to miss roll and fail.
You only have one shot to have a 100% roll post (Daily Promise). Don't mess it up like I did. That is my one regret thus far in my quit.
This guy...gets it.
Accountability + Brotherhood = Success. Never fails and it all starts with posting roll. Awesome post QuittinCA. Do yourself a favor, which will do us all a favor in return, keep posting and stay active.
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Today is day Day 96. Soxfnn sent me a message last night that its been two solid months of me posting roll 100%. I hadn't really even thought of it like that in a while. What I do think about now, is that I can't wait to post roll every day.
For anyone new reading this: If you post every single day, this site works. You HAVE to get phone numbers, emails, whatever from the other quitters. You need accountabilibuddies and battle buddies. With so much support there is no reason to miss roll and fail.
You only have one shot to have a 100% roll post (Daily Promise). Don't mess it up like I did. That is my one regret thus far in my quit.
This guy...gets it.
Accountability + Brotherhood = Success. Never fails and it all starts with posting roll. Awesome post QuittinCA. Do yourself a favor, which will do us all a favor in return, keep posting and stay active.
Thank you Steakbomb, I will continue to stay active. Tomorrow's HOF is only the first step of many, I owe it to myself, my family, and my KTC quit family to actively pursue my quit daily.
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Congrats on the 100th!! 'clap'
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Congrats on the 100th!! 'clap'
Happy HOF Day from a fellow NoCal Quitter. Well Done! 'oh yeah'
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CA, congrats on your day 500!!
Quit With you today.
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Congrats on the half comma!!!
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Congrats on your 2 years CA.
Good to see a live chat bro hitting huge milestones.