KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: CLEalt on March 12, 2018, 04:08:00 PM
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Hello all,
Brief intro, I'm 27 yrs old and I've been closet dipping on and off since about late high school when I first got introduced via my baseball team. Law school especially is when i started really getting back into snus/dip. I met my fiance when I was 20 while studying abroad in Russia in 2011. Since then, she's caught me maybe like 6-8 times (lost count), and each time it's rough because each time I've told her I quit. This past time though, I really mean it when I tell her I want to quit. I've meant it before too, but I feel something different this time, like an actual desire to no longer be a slave to this crap. I've seen KTC before, but this time I actually joined up. I like the idea of having a sort of online AA but for tobacco.
Nobody except my fiance knows I dipped. And even then, she only knows because she's caught me. Even when she has caught me, I often lied about the extent of my dipping, acting like I wasn't addicted. The truth is though that that shit IS ADDICTING AF. I'm tired of lying and tired of being controlled by it. Being a closet dipper I guess makes it somewhat easier to quit, since there are less situations that trigger me and it took me like almost 2 weeks to go through a tin. I've seen a lot of others here quit after dipping for MUCH LONGER and in MUCH LARGER AMOUNTS, so there stories are truly motivating. If they can do it, so can I.
These are my biggest triggers: (1) work; and (2) gaming. I'm an immigration attorney and my work is stressful. Furthermore, I take adderrall (prescription) because it's tough for me to stay focused. Addy probably further triggers my cravings. I feel like the nicotine kind of helped even me out when the addy comes on a bit strong. And then gaming, that's usually a late night thing when my girl goes to bed. That part is easier to go without dipping IMO, since gaming is still fun (although less so) without dipping. Also, I'm just gonna start going to bed early more often, which is easier to do knowing that I'm not staying up to get a dip in. Work is the toughest, where I often used Camel snus discreetly in my mouth. It really helped me get going sometimes at work, which is mostly a lot of reading and writing.
Well, I finally quit for good (hopefully) this past Friday on 3/9/18. I'm gonna try to use Jake's Mint Chew. Honestly, I think that stuff is messy and loses its taste super quickly, but whatever, I need something to help me through and my girl will only let me use something organic. Also, gonna rely on candy, gum, fluids, weed, cbd, and whatever else to help. I'm serious this time. No more "one more tin and I'll quit after the weekend" crap. Just gotta man the fuck up and take it one day at a time.
I'm posting this from work right now and am being SUPER unproductive while I should be writing an asylum brief. Writing this and seeing other stories helps though. I'd be down to have a couple of consistent contacts so PM me and i'll give my number.
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Hello all,
Brief intro, I'm 27 yrs old and I've been closet dipping on and off since about late high school when I first got introduced via my baseball team. Law school especially is when i started really getting back into snus/dip. I met my fiance when I was 20 while studying abroad in Russia in 2011. Since then, she's caught me maybe like 6-8 times (lost count), and each time it's rough because each time I've told her I quit. This past time though, I really mean it when I tell her I want to quit. I've meant it before too, but I feel something different this time, like an actual desire to no longer be a slave to this crap. I've seen KTC before, but this time I actually joined up. I like the idea of having a sort of online AA but for tobacco.
Nobody except my fiance knows I dipped. And even then, she only knows because she's caught me. Even when she has caught me, I often lied about the extent of my dipping, acting like I wasn't addicted. The truth is though that that shit IS ADDICTING AF. I'm tired of lying and tired of being controlled by it. Being a closet dipper I guess makes it somewhat easier to quit, since there are less situations that trigger me and it took me like almost 2 weeks to go through a tin. I've seen a lot of others here quit after dipping for MUCH LONGER and in MUCH LARGER AMOUNTS, so there stories are truly motivating. If they can do it, so can I.
These are my biggest triggers: (1) work; and (2) gaming. I'm an immigration attorney and my work is stressful. Furthermore, I take adderrall (prescription) because it's tough for me to stay focused. Addy probably further triggers my cravings. I feel like the nicotine kind of helped even me out when the addy comes on a bit strong. And then gaming, that's usually a late night thing when my girl goes to bed. That part is easier to go without dipping IMO, since gaming is still fun (although less so) without dipping. Also, I'm just gonna start going to bed early more often, which is easier to do knowing that I'm not staying up to get a dip in. Work is the toughest, where I often used Camel snus discreetly in my mouth. It really helped me get going sometimes at work, which is mostly a lot of reading and writing.
Well, I finally quit for good (hopefully) this past Friday on 3/9/18. I'm gonna try to use Jake's Mint Chew. Honestly, I think that stuff is messy and loses its taste super quickly, but whatever, I need something to help me through and my girl will only let me use something organic. Also, gonna rely on candy, gum, fluids, weed, cbd, and whatever else to help. I'm serious this time. No more "one more tin and I'll quit after the weekend" crap. Just gotta man the fuck up and take it one day at a time.
I'm posting this from work right now and am being SUPER unproductive while I should be writing an asylum brief. Writing this and seeing other stories helps though. I'd be down to have a couple of consistent contacts so PM me and i'll give my number.
Hey CLEalt,
First off, congratulations on making the decision to quit. The hardest part is admitting you are an addict and you always will be. Here at KTC we quit one day at a time. You need to get that forever quit shit out if your mind. All we ask is that you come here in the morning when you get up and post your promise to be nicotine free for the next 24 hours, then repeat it everyday.
Anyone can do 24 hours, that is much easier than forever. I encourage to get involved with your quit group, which is June 2018. Get phone numbers of other members and give them yours. This helps in the accountability area. Actually getting to know other members is the brotherhood part.
All of these combined gives you a huge arsenal against the mic bitch.
Welcome to KTC. Check your inbox, upper right corner of screen. IÂ’ll send you my digits.
Please feel free to use them if you need to. If you send me yours, I can lean on you if I ever feel it coming on.
Chris
P.S. Sit down and tell your fiancé everything and let get involved in your quit. It will strengthen it so much more and give you an added layer accountability.
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From one closet dipper (former) to another. WE DON"T HOPE HERE. WE QUIT!!!!! I packed that stupid shit in my lip for around 17 years and found my freedom 4 years ago.
Welcome to the new you. The honest you. Sit down, buckle up and enjoy the ride. It is soo worth it.
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CLEalt I was also a ninja snusser -- now quit 199 days. I reached this milestone by posting roll with my group EDD!!
You have missed posting on your group -- however I see you have been on the site. If you are serious then work THIS program which is really simple for a guy that is a lawyer: Post Roll Every Damn DAY. You need to pledge your promise every morning that you will not use nicotine for THAT DAY. We do this one day ata time -- anyone can do something for a day. Then we wake up the next morning and repeat.
You are a classic addict -- just like EVERYONE else here. You lie to everyone, even yuorself, about how addicted you are to nicotine. Post roll and know that your group will hold you accountable for your promise just as you will hold them accountable.
You can do this!
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Ok, I'm gonna do it right this time. I relapsed last week because I had a busy day at work and my boss was gone. The weekdays are so much harder than the weekends. Yeah I know, crappy excuses and everyone has their own problems to deal with. No more excuses though. I caved and I know it. Threw out the can already.
I still snuck around the site and guilted myself all week (as my June group noticed). Time to man the fuck up and just do it. It's gonna suck but nobody said it would be easy.
Luckily my order of Jake's mint chew finally came in (the store near me that sold it closed down). That should help.
My original post from earlier in the week is copied below.
Hello all,
Brief intro, I'm 27 yrs old and I've been closet dipping on and off since about late high school when I first got introduced via my baseball team. Law school especially is when i started really getting back into snus/dip. I met my fiance when I was 20 while studying abroad in Russia in 2011. Since then, she's caught me maybe like 6-8 times (lost count), and each time it's rough because each time I've told her I quit. This past time though, I really mean it when I tell her I want to quit. I've meant it before too, but I feel something different this time, like an actual desire to no longer be a slave to this crap. I've seen KTC before, but this time I actually joined up. I like the idea of having a sort of online AA but for tobacco.
Nobody except my fiance knows I dipped. And even then, she only knows because she's caught me. Even when she has caught me, I often lied about the extent of my dipping, acting like I wasn't addicted. The truth is though that that shit IS ADDICTING AF. I'm tired of lying and tired of being controlled by it. Being a closet dipper I guess makes it somewhat easier to quit, since there are less situations that trigger me and it took me like almost 2 weeks to go through a tin. I've seen a lot of others here quit after dipping for MUCH LONGER and in MUCH LARGER AMOUNTS, so there stories are truly motivating. If they can do it, so can I.
These are my biggest triggers: (1) work; and (2) gaming. I'm an immigration attorney and my work is stressful. Furthermore, I take adderrall (prescription) because it's tough for me to stay focused. Addy probably further triggers my cravings. I feel like the nicotine kind of helped even me out when the addy comes on a bit strong. And then gaming, that's usually a late night thing when my girl goes to bed. That part is easier to go without dipping IMO, since gaming is still fun (although less so) without dipping. Also, I'm just gonna start going to bed early more often, which is easier to do knowing that I'm not staying up to get a dip in. Work is the toughest, where I often used Camel snus discreetly in my mouth. It really helped me get going sometimes at work, which is mostly a lot of reading and writing.
Well, I finally quit for good (hopefully) this past Friday on 3/9/18. I'm gonna try to use Jake's Mint Chew. Honestly, I think that stuff is messy and loses its taste super quickly, but whatever, I need something to help me through and my girl will only let me use something organic. Also, gonna rely on candy, gum, fluids, weed, cbd, and whatever else to help. I'm serious this time. No more "one more tin and I'll quit after the weekend" crap. Just gotta man the fuck up and take it one day at a time.
I'm posting this from work right now and am being SUPER unproductive while I should be writing an asylum brief. Writing this and seeing other stories helps though. I'd be down to have a couple of consistent contacts so PM me and i'll give my number.
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I have a stressful job to. Both my wife and dad have had cancer during my quit. The last thing on my mind was a dip. Why? Because I post roll every day and promise you - but more importantly ME - that I will not use tobacco for 24 hours.
That's it. I am only quit for the next 15.5 hours as far as I am concerned. I'll worry about tomorrow then. But I also have a system in place if I decide not to quit - I have to call 3 other quitters and get their permission to use nicotine. How do you think that phone call will go?
This system works, you have to buy in 100%.
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Oh man there are so many things wrong about the way you are approaching your quit. I've looked at your posts in your group and here and you don't seem to grasp some of the simplest premises of KTC.
Cleat, self proclaimed "Quitmaster", how can you possibly tell your group after you just caved, that 1) you wont really do anything differently; and 2) that they shouldn't expect to see you posting on weekends because you don't need it. You seem to think you are special, with special problems and special ways to approach KTC. We are all addicts here brother. And no matter what problems you have, I guarantee there are dozens of brothers (or sisters) here who have it far worse.
If you really, in your heart, want to be quit, then as Thumble says above, go all in 100%. Or you can go hide, lie, deceive again until you are ready.
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I agree with the the other quitters. You need to be precistant with your quit. I won't label myself master of quit yet maybe in few years.
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CLEalt, welcome. knock em down one day at a time. The rest will be gravy. Thats ALL you got to concentrate on, posting and kicking ass.
I'm from the CLE as well, I'll PM you my digits, lets quit every day together man.
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Wish I was a special butterfly like you. If you chose to spend any time at all looking at the roads many here have traveled and still stay quit, you would know it's the WANT to that drives us to be quit. You think people don't have stress? How misguided are you? Pull up your big boy undies and quit the way we do it here. If you cannot seem to follow that simple premise, you know where the door is.
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OK nice job posting to your group for the past few days. That is the price of admission here -- work the program because it really works!
Keep it up -- make your promise and post that EDD to your group!
Proud to quit with you today!
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Ok, I'm gonna do it right this time. I relapsed last week because I had a busy day at work and my boss was gone. The weekdays are so much harder than the weekends. Yeah I know, crappy excuses and everyone has their own problems to deal with. No more excuses though. I caved and I know it. Threw out the can already.
I still snuck around the site and guilted myself all week (as my June group noticed). Time to man the fuck up and just do it. It's gonna suck but nobody said it would be easy.
Luckily my order of Jake's mint chew finally came in (the store near me that sold it closed down). That should help.
My original post from earlier in the week is copied below.
Hello all,
Brief intro, I'm 27 yrs old and I've been closet dipping on and off since about late high school when I first got introduced via my baseball team. Law school especially is when i started really getting back into snus/dip. I met my fiance when I was 20 while studying abroad in Russia in 2011. Since then, she's caught me maybe like 6-8 times (lost count), and each time it's rough because each time I've told her I quit. This past time though, I really mean it when I tell her I want to quit. I've meant it before too, but I feel something different this time, like an actual desire to no longer be a slave to this crap. I've seen KTC before, but this time I actually joined up. I like the idea of having a sort of online AA but for tobacco.
Nobody except my fiance knows I dipped. And even then, she only knows because she's caught me. Even when she has caught me, I often lied about the extent of my dipping, acting like I wasn't addicted. The truth is though that that shit IS ADDICTING AF. I'm tired of lying and tired of being controlled by it. Being a closet dipper I guess makes it somewhat easier to quit, since there are less situations that trigger me and it took me like almost 2 weeks to go through a tin. I've seen a lot of others here quit after dipping for MUCH LONGER and in MUCH LARGER AMOUNTS, so there stories are truly motivating. If they can do it, so can I.
These are my biggest triggers: (1) work; and (2) gaming. I'm an immigration attorney and my work is stressful. Furthermore, I take adderrall (prescription) because it's tough for me to stay focused. Addy probably further triggers my cravings. I feel like the nicotine kind of helped even me out when the addy comes on a bit strong. And then gaming, that's usually a late night thing when my girl goes to bed. That part is easier to go without dipping IMO, since gaming is still fun (although less so) without dipping. Also, I'm just gonna start going to bed early more often, which is easier to do knowing that I'm not staying up to get a dip in. Work is the toughest, where I often used Camel snus discreetly in my mouth. It really helped me get going sometimes at work, which is mostly a lot of reading and writing.
Well, I finally quit for good (hopefully) this past Friday on 3/9/18. I'm gonna try to use Jake's Mint Chew. Honestly, I think that stuff is messy and loses its taste super quickly, but whatever, I need something to help me through and my girl will only let me use something organic. Also, gonna rely on candy, gum, fluids, weed, cbd, and whatever else to help. I'm serious this time. No more "one more tin and I'll quit after the weekend" crap. Just gotta man the fuck up and take it one day at a time.
I'm posting this from work right now and am being SUPER unproductive while I should be writing an asylum brief. Writing this and seeing other stories helps though. I'd be down to have a couple of consistent contacts so PM me and i'll give my number.
Day 13 Update- The struggle is real. I took a lot of heat from my last cave, but probably more so from the way I responded to it. I deserved it and I've definitely fully bought into KTC now. It's the reason I've lasted this long. I haven't lasted this long since I studied abroad in Russia in 2011 for 3 and a half months. And guess what? They don't even have dip there. I feel like I won my largest battle this past weekend when I had a HUGE craving after taking a weed edible (big mistake). I bought a tin of Grizzly Wintergreen, took it home, paced around for a while, and then finally put in a pinch... of JAKE'S Mint Chew (cinnamon flavor). After that, I flushed the entire tin of Grizzly down the toilet. I was still sweating and anxious after the battle, but i felt relieved and now I feel like I can take on any craving. However, I must remain vigilant. I know this didn't actually happen on Day 13, but I didn't actually think of this diary idea until now.
As for an actual Day 13 update, I got almost no sleep last night. I felt like I woke up every 20 minutes. I even took melatonin! I don't know if it's because of my quit or the recent back problems I've been having (maybe both), but I need to get more sleep. The hardest part about my quit at this point is that it totally dominates my life. I can't focus at work, I don't enjoy gaming anymore at night time, and 'm constantly on this site seeking motivation or a distraction. I hope that I can one day be quit without it being a constant thought in my mind. I hope that I can do work that I hate doing without needing a dip to power me through it. Anyway, that is all for today.
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Hello all,
Brief intro, I'm 27 yrs old and I've been closet dipping on and off since about late high school when I first got introduced via my baseball team. Law school especially is when i started really getting back into snus/dip. I met my fiance when I was 20 while studying abroad in Russia in 2011. Since then, she's caught me maybe like 6-8 times (lost count), and each time it's rough because each time I've told her I quit. This past time though, I really mean it when I tell her I want to quit. I've meant it before too, but I feel something different this time, like an actual desire to no longer be a slave to this crap. I've seen KTC before, but this time I actually joined up. I like the idea of having a sort of online AA but for tobacco.
Nobody except my fiance knows I dipped. And even then, she only knows because she's caught me. Even when she has caught me, I often lied about the extent of my dipping, acting like I wasn't addicted. The truth is though that that shit IS ADDICTING AF. I'm tired of lying and tired of being controlled by it. Being a closet dipper I guess makes it somewhat easier to quit, since there are less situations that trigger me and it took me like almost 2 weeks to go through a tin. I've seen a lot of others here quit after dipping for MUCH LONGER and in MUCH LARGER AMOUNTS, so there stories are truly motivating. If they can do it, so can I.
These are my biggest triggers: (1) work; and (2) gaming. I'm an immigration attorney and my work is stressful. Furthermore, I take adderrall (prescription) because it's tough for me to stay focused. Addy probably further triggers my cravings. I feel like the nicotine kind of helped even me out when the addy comes on a bit strong. And then gaming, that's usually a late night thing when my girl goes to bed. That part is easier to go without dipping IMO, since gaming is still fun (although less so) without dipping. Also, I'm just gonna start going to bed early more often, which is easier to do knowing that I'm not staying up to get a dip in. Work is the toughest, where I often used Camel snus discreetly in my mouth. It really helped me get going sometimes at work, which is mostly a lot of reading and writing.
Well, I finally quit for good (hopefully) this past Friday on 3/9/18. I'm gonna try to use Jake's Mint Chew. Honestly, I think that stuff is messy and loses its taste super quickly, but whatever, I need something to help me through and my girl will only let me use something organic. Also, gonna rely on candy, gum, fluids, weed, cbd, and whatever else to help. I'm serious this time. No more "one more tin and I'll quit after the weekend" crap. Just gotta man the fuck up and take it one day at a time.
I'm posting this from work right now and am being SUPER unproductive while I should be writing an asylum brief. Writing this and seeing other stories helps though. I'd be down to have a couple of consistent contacts so PM me and i'll give my number.
What kind of gaming do you do?
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Hello all,
Brief intro, I'm 27 yrs old and I've been closet dipping on and off since about late high school when I first got introduced via my baseball team. Law school especially is when i started really getting back into snus/dip. I met my fiance when I was 20 while studying abroad in Russia in 2011. Since then, she's caught me maybe like 6-8 times (lost count), and each time it's rough because each time I've told her I quit. This past time though, I really mean it when I tell her I want to quit. I've meant it before too, but I feel something different this time, like an actual desire to no longer be a slave to this crap. I've seen KTC before, but this time I actually joined up. I like the idea of having a sort of online AA but for tobacco.
Nobody except my fiance knows I dipped. And even then, she only knows because she's caught me. Even when she has caught me, I often lied about the extent of my dipping, acting like I wasn't addicted. The truth is though that that shit IS ADDICTING AF. I'm tired of lying and tired of being controlled by it. Being a closet dipper I guess makes it somewhat easier to quit, since there are less situations that trigger me and it took me like almost 2 weeks to go through a tin. I've seen a lot of others here quit after dipping for MUCH LONGER and in MUCH LARGER AMOUNTS, so there stories are truly motivating. If they can do it, so can I.
These are my biggest triggers: (1) work; and (2) gaming. I'm an immigration attorney and my work is stressful. Furthermore, I take adderrall (prescription) because it's tough for me to stay focused. Addy probably further triggers my cravings. I feel like the nicotine kind of helped even me out when the addy comes on a bit strong. And then gaming, that's usually a late night thing when my girl goes to bed. That part is easier to go without dipping IMO, since gaming is still fun (although less so) without dipping. Also, I'm just gonna start going to bed early more often, which is easier to do knowing that I'm not staying up to get a dip in. Work is the toughest, where I often used Camel snus discreetly in my mouth. It really helped me get going sometimes at work, which is mostly a lot of reading and writing.
Well, I finally quit for good (hopefully) this past Friday on 3/9/18. I'm gonna try to use Jake's Mint Chew. Honestly, I think that stuff is messy and loses its taste super quickly, but whatever, I need something to help me through and my girl will only let me use something organic. Also, gonna rely on candy, gum, fluids, weed, cbd, and whatever else to help. I'm serious this time. No more "one more tin and I'll quit after the weekend" crap. Just gotta man the fuck up and take it one day at a time.
I'm posting this from work right now and am being SUPER unproductive while I should be writing an asylum brief. Writing this and seeing other stories helps though. I'd be down to have a couple of consistent contacts so PM me and i'll give my number.
What kind of gaming do you do?
@Locrius I play Xbox One (although not as much lately). I play NBA 2k, PUBG, Madden, and some other shooters here and there (no more COD though). You?
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Hello all,
Brief intro, I'm 27 yrs old and I've been closet dipping on and off since about late high school when I first got introduced via my baseball team. Law school especially is when i started really getting back into snus/dip. I met my fiance when I was 20 while studying abroad in Russia in 2011. Since then, she's caught me maybe like 6-8 times (lost count), and each time it's rough because each time I've told her I quit. This past time though, I really mean it when I tell her I want to quit. I've meant it before too, but I feel something different this time, like an actual desire to no longer be a slave to this crap. I've seen KTC before, but this time I actually joined up. I like the idea of having a sort of online AA but for tobacco.
Nobody except my fiance knows I dipped. And even then, she only knows because she's caught me. Even when she has caught me, I often lied about the extent of my dipping, acting like I wasn't addicted. The truth is though that that shit IS ADDICTING AF. I'm tired of lying and tired of being controlled by it. Being a closet dipper I guess makes it somewhat easier to quit, since there are less situations that trigger me and it took me like almost 2 weeks to go through a tin. I've seen a lot of others here quit after dipping for MUCH LONGER and in MUCH LARGER AMOUNTS, so there stories are truly motivating. If they can do it, so can I.
These are my biggest triggers: (1) work; and (2) gaming. I'm an immigration attorney and my work is stressful. Furthermore, I take adderrall (prescription) because it's tough for me to stay focused. Addy probably further triggers my cravings. I feel like the nicotine kind of helped even me out when the addy comes on a bit strong. And then gaming, that's usually a late night thing when my girl goes to bed. That part is easier to go without dipping IMO, since gaming is still fun (although less so) without dipping. Also, I'm just gonna start going to bed early more often, which is easier to do knowing that I'm not staying up to get a dip in. Work is the toughest, where I often used Camel snus discreetly in my mouth. It really helped me get going sometimes at work, which is mostly a lot of reading and writing.
Well, I finally quit for good (hopefully) this past Friday on 3/9/18. I'm gonna try to use Jake's Mint Chew. Honestly, I think that stuff is messy and loses its taste super quickly, but whatever, I need something to help me through and my girl will only let me use something organic. Also, gonna rely on candy, gum, fluids, weed, cbd, and whatever else to help. I'm serious this time. No more "one more tin and I'll quit after the weekend" crap. Just gotta man the fuck up and take it one day at a time.
I'm posting this from work right now and am being SUPER unproductive while I should be writing an asylum brief. Writing this and seeing other stories helps though. I'd be down to have a couple of consistent contacts so PM me and i'll give my number.
What kind of gaming do you do?
@Locrius I play Xbox One (although not as much lately). I play NBA 2k, PUBG, Madden, and some other shooters here and there (no more COD though). You?
Currently on PC, I'm playing GTA5. Haven't gotten too much into online gaming. On PS4 I've played Destiny and Destiny2 and lots of Fallout 4
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Ok, I'm gonna do it right this time. I relapsed last week because I had a busy day at work and my boss was gone. The weekdays are so much harder than the weekends. Yeah I know, crappy excuses and everyone has their own problems to deal with. No more excuses though. I caved and I know it. Threw out the can already.
I still snuck around the site and guilted myself all week (as my June group noticed). Time to man the fuck up and just do it. It's gonna suck but nobody said it would be easy.
Luckily my order of Jake's mint chew finally came in (the store near me that sold it closed down). That should help.
My original post from earlier in the week is copied below.
Hello all,
Brief intro, I'm 27 yrs old and I've been closet dipping on and off since about late high school when I first got introduced via my baseball team. Law school especially is when i started really getting back into snus/dip. I met my fiance when I was 20 while studying abroad in Russia in 2011. Since then, she's caught me maybe like 6-8 times (lost count), and each time it's rough because each time I've told her I quit. This past time though, I really mean it when I tell her I want to quit. I've meant it before too, but I feel something different this time, like an actual desire to no longer be a slave to this crap. I've seen KTC before, but this time I actually joined up. I like the idea of having a sort of online AA but for tobacco.
Nobody except my fiance knows I dipped. And even then, she only knows because she's caught me. Even when she has caught me, I often lied about the extent of my dipping, acting like I wasn't addicted. The truth is though that that shit IS ADDICTING AF. I'm tired of lying and tired of being controlled by it. Being a closet dipper I guess makes it somewhat easier to quit, since there are less situations that trigger me and it took me like almost 2 weeks to go through a tin. I've seen a lot of others here quit after dipping for MUCH LONGER and in MUCH LARGER AMOUNTS, so there stories are truly motivating. If they can do it, so can I.
These are my biggest triggers: (1) work; and (2) gaming. I'm an immigration attorney and my work is stressful. Furthermore, I take adderrall (prescription) because it's tough for me to stay focused. Addy probably further triggers my cravings. I feel like the nicotine kind of helped even me out when the addy comes on a bit strong. And then gaming, that's usually a late night thing when my girl goes to bed. That part is easier to go without dipping IMO, since gaming is still fun (although less so) without dipping. Also, I'm just gonna start going to bed early more often, which is easier to do knowing that I'm not staying up to get a dip in. Work is the toughest, where I often used Camel snus discreetly in my mouth. It really helped me get going sometimes at work, which is mostly a lot of reading and writing.
Well, I finally quit for good (hopefully) this past Friday on 3/9/18. I'm gonna try to use Jake's Mint Chew. Honestly, I think that stuff is messy and loses its taste super quickly, but whatever, I need something to help me through and my girl will only let me use something organic. Also, gonna rely on candy, gum, fluids, weed, cbd, and whatever else to help. I'm serious this time. No more "one more tin and I'll quit after the weekend" crap. Just gotta man the fuck up and take it one day at a time.
I'm posting this from work right now and am being SUPER unproductive while I should be writing an asylum brief. Writing this and seeing other stories helps though. I'd be down to have a couple of consistent contacts so PM me and i'll give my number.
Day 13 Update- The struggle is real. I took a lot of heat from my last cave, but probably more so from the way I responded to it. I deserved it and I've definitely fully bought into KTC now. It's the reason I've lasted this long. I haven't lasted this long since I studied abroad in Russia in 2011 for 3 and a half months. And guess what? They don't even have dip there. I feel like I won my largest battle this past weekend when I had a HUGE craving after taking a weed edible (big mistake). I bought a tin of Grizzly Wintergreen, took it home, paced around for a while, and then finally put in a pinch... of JAKE'S Mint Chew (cinnamon flavor). After that, I flushed the entire tin of Grizzly down the toilet. I was still sweating and anxious after the battle, but i felt relieved and now I feel like I can take on any craving. However, I must remain vigilant. I know this didn't actually happen on Day 13, but I didn't actually think of this diary idea until now.
As for an actual Day 13 update, I got almost no sleep last night. I felt like I woke up every 20 minutes. I even took melatonin! I don't know if it's because of my quit or the recent back problems I've been having (maybe both), but I need to get more sleep. The hardest part about my quit at this point is that it totally dominates my life. I can't focus at work, I don't enjoy gaming anymore at night time, and 'm constantly on this site seeking motivation or a distraction. I hope that I can one day be quit without it being a constant thought in my mind. I hope that I can do work that I hate doing without needing a dip to power me through it. Anyway, that is all for today.
Day 20- Twenty days is a big milestone for me. Quitting is definitely getting easier. My quit still takes up like 75% of my daily focus, but it's gotten slightly less stressful. One of the greatest parts of my quit is that I can finally spend more time late at night with my fiancee without rushing her to go to bed so I could dip. At the same time, not dipping also means that I go to bed earlier at night, which I imagine will be great once I can actually sleep through the damn night! Another big challenge I have ahead of me is getting in shape. I'm not fat by any means, but I am waaaay out of shape. I used to be very athletic as a two-sport athlete in high school and maintained staying active in college. Law school is where that all went to hell. Motivation to get in the gym has always been lacking, but it's more important now than ever. I need to workout to offset the constant hunger I have during my quit, as well as to relieve the stress and anxiety I have from quitting and work. Gonna try to get to the gym tonight. 'lift'
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Ok, I'm gonna do it right this time. I relapsed last week because I had a busy day at work and my boss was gone. The weekdays are so much harder than the weekends. Yeah I know, crappy excuses and everyone has their own problems to deal with. No more excuses though. I caved and I know it. Threw out the can already.
I still snuck around the site and guilted myself all week (as my June group noticed). Time to man the fuck up and just do it. It's gonna suck but nobody said it would be easy.
Luckily my order of Jake's mint chew finally came in (the store near me that sold it closed down). That should help.
My original post from earlier in the week is copied below.
Hello all,
Brief intro, I'm 27 yrs old and I've been closet dipping on and off since about late high school when I first got introduced via my baseball team. Law school especially is when i started really getting back into snus/dip. I met my fiance when I was 20 while studying abroad in Russia in 2011. Since then, she's caught me maybe like 6-8 times (lost count), and each time it's rough because each time I've told her I quit. This past time though, I really mean it when I tell her I want to quit. I've meant it before too, but I feel something different this time, like an actual desire to no longer be a slave to this crap. I've seen KTC before, but this time I actually joined up. I like the idea of having a sort of online AA but for tobacco.
Nobody except my fiance knows I dipped. And even then, she only knows because she's caught me. Even when she has caught me, I often lied about the extent of my dipping, acting like I wasn't addicted. The truth is though that that shit IS ADDICTING AF. I'm tired of lying and tired of being controlled by it. Being a closet dipper I guess makes it somewhat easier to quit, since there are less situations that trigger me and it took me like almost 2 weeks to go through a tin. I've seen a lot of others here quit after dipping for MUCH LONGER and in MUCH LARGER AMOUNTS, so there stories are truly motivating. If they can do it, so can I.
These are my biggest triggers: (1) work; and (2) gaming. I'm an immigration attorney and my work is stressful. Furthermore, I take adderrall (prescription) because it's tough for me to stay focused. Addy probably further triggers my cravings. I feel like the nicotine kind of helped even me out when the addy comes on a bit strong. And then gaming, that's usually a late night thing when my girl goes to bed. That part is easier to go without dipping IMO, since gaming is still fun (although less so) without dipping. Also, I'm just gonna start going to bed early more often, which is easier to do knowing that I'm not staying up to get a dip in. Work is the toughest, where I often used Camel snus discreetly in my mouth. It really helped me get going sometimes at work, which is mostly a lot of reading and writing.
Well, I finally quit for good (hopefully) this past Friday on 3/9/18. I'm gonna try to use Jake's Mint Chew. Honestly, I think that stuff is messy and loses its taste super quickly, but whatever, I need something to help me through and my girl will only let me use something organic. Also, gonna rely on candy, gum, fluids, weed, cbd, and whatever else to help. I'm serious this time. No more "one more tin and I'll quit after the weekend" crap. Just gotta man the fuck up and take it one day at a time.
I'm posting this from work right now and am being SUPER unproductive while I should be writing an asylum brief. Writing this and seeing other stories helps though. I'd be down to have a couple of consistent contacts so PM me and i'll give my number.
Day 13 Update- The struggle is real. I took a lot of heat from my last cave, but probably more so from the way I responded to it. I deserved it and I've definitely fully bought into KTC now. It's the reason I've lasted this long. I haven't lasted this long since I studied abroad in Russia in 2011 for 3 and a half months. And guess what? They don't even have dip there. I feel like I won my largest battle this past weekend when I had a HUGE craving after taking a weed edible (big mistake). I bought a tin of Grizzly Wintergreen, took it home, paced around for a while, and then finally put in a pinch... of JAKE'S Mint Chew (cinnamon flavor). After that, I flushed the entire tin of Grizzly down the toilet. I was still sweating and anxious after the battle, but i felt relieved and now I feel like I can take on any craving. However, I must remain vigilant. I know this didn't actually happen on Day 13, but I didn't actually think of this diary idea until now.
As for an actual Day 13 update, I got almost no sleep last night. I felt like I woke up every 20 minutes. I even took melatonin! I don't know if it's because of my quit or the recent back problems I've been having (maybe both), but I need to get more sleep. The hardest part about my quit at this point is that it totally dominates my life. I can't focus at work, I don't enjoy gaming anymore at night time, and 'm constantly on this site seeking motivation or a distraction. I hope that I can one day be quit without it being a constant thought in my mind. I hope that I can do work that I hate doing without needing a dip to power me through it. Anyway, that is all for today.
Day 20- Twenty days is a big milestone for me. Quitting is definitely getting easier. My quit still takes up like 75% of my daily focus, but it's gotten slightly less stressful. One of the greatest parts of my quit is that I can finally spend more time late at night with my fiancee without rushing her to go to bed so I could dip. At the same time, not dipping also means that I go to bed earlier at night, which I imagine will be great once I can actually sleep through the damn night! Another big challenge I have ahead of me is getting in shape. I'm not fat by any means, but I am waaaay out of shape. I used to be very athletic as a two-sport athlete in high school and maintained staying active in college. Law school is where that all went to hell. Motivation to get in the gym has always been lacking, but it's more important now than ever. I need to workout to offset the constant hunger I have during my quit, as well as to relieve the stress and anxiety I have from quitting and work. Gonna try to get to the gym tonight. 'lift'
Win every moment, doesn't matter how, just make it a win
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Ok, I'm gonna do it right this time. I relapsed last week because I had a busy day at work and my boss was gone. The weekdays are so much harder than the weekends. Yeah I know, crappy excuses and everyone has their own problems to deal with. No more excuses though. I caved and I know it. Threw out the can already.
I still snuck around the site and guilted myself all week (as my June group noticed). Time to man the fuck up and just do it. It's gonna suck but nobody said it would be easy.
Luckily my order of Jake's mint chew finally came in (the store near me that sold it closed down). That should help.
My original post from earlier in the week is copied below.
Hello all,
Brief intro, I'm 27 yrs old and I've been closet dipping on and off since about late high school when I first got introduced via my baseball team. Law school especially is when i started really getting back into snus/dip. I met my fiance when I was 20 while studying abroad in Russia in 2011. Since then, she's caught me maybe like 6-8 times (lost count), and each time it's rough because each time I've told her I quit. This past time though, I really mean it when I tell her I want to quit. I've meant it before too, but I feel something different this time, like an actual desire to no longer be a slave to this crap. I've seen KTC before, but this time I actually joined up. I like the idea of having a sort of online AA but for tobacco.
Nobody except my fiance knows I dipped. And even then, she only knows because she's caught me. Even when she has caught me, I often lied about the extent of my dipping, acting like I wasn't addicted. The truth is though that that shit IS ADDICTING AF. I'm tired of lying and tired of being controlled by it. Being a closet dipper I guess makes it somewhat easier to quit, since there are less situations that trigger me and it took me like almost 2 weeks to go through a tin. I've seen a lot of others here quit after dipping for MUCH LONGER and in MUCH LARGER AMOUNTS, so there stories are truly motivating. If they can do it, so can I.
These are my biggest triggers: (1) work; and (2) gaming. I'm an immigration attorney and my work is stressful. Furthermore, I take adderrall (prescription) because it's tough for me to stay focused. Addy probably further triggers my cravings. I feel like the nicotine kind of helped even me out when the addy comes on a bit strong. And then gaming, that's usually a late night thing when my girl goes to bed. That part is easier to go without dipping IMO, since gaming is still fun (although less so) without dipping. Also, I'm just gonna start going to bed early more often, which is easier to do knowing that I'm not staying up to get a dip in. Work is the toughest, where I often used Camel snus discreetly in my mouth. It really helped me get going sometimes at work, which is mostly a lot of reading and writing.
Well, I finally quit for good (hopefully) this past Friday on 3/9/18. I'm gonna try to use Jake's Mint Chew. Honestly, I think that stuff is messy and loses its taste super quickly, but whatever, I need something to help me through and my girl will only let me use something organic. Also, gonna rely on candy, gum, fluids, weed, cbd, and whatever else to help. I'm serious this time. No more "one more tin and I'll quit after the weekend" crap. Just gotta man the fuck up and take it one day at a time.
I'm posting this from work right now and am being SUPER unproductive while I should be writing an asylum brief. Writing this and seeing other stories helps though. I'd be down to have a couple of consistent contacts so PM me and i'll give my number.
Day 13 Update- The struggle is real. I took a lot of heat from my last cave, but probably more so from the way I responded to it. I deserved it and I've definitely fully bought into KTC now. It's the reason I've lasted this long. I haven't lasted this long since I studied abroad in Russia in 2011 for 3 and a half months. And guess what? They don't even have dip there. I feel like I won my largest battle this past weekend when I had a HUGE craving after taking a weed edible (big mistake). I bought a tin of Grizzly Wintergreen, took it home, paced around for a while, and then finally put in a pinch... of JAKE'S Mint Chew (cinnamon flavor). After that, I flushed the entire tin of Grizzly down the toilet. I was still sweating and anxious after the battle, but i felt relieved and now I feel like I can take on any craving. However, I must remain vigilant. I know this didn't actually happen on Day 13, but I didn't actually think of this diary idea until now.
As for an actual Day 13 update, I got almost no sleep last night. I felt like I woke up every 20 minutes. I even took melatonin! I don't know if it's because of my quit or the recent back problems I've been having (maybe both), but I need to get more sleep. The hardest part about my quit at this point is that it totally dominates my life. I can't focus at work, I don't enjoy gaming anymore at night time, and 'm constantly on this site seeking motivation or a distraction. I hope that I can one day be quit without it being a constant thought in my mind. I hope that I can do work that I hate doing without needing a dip to power me through it. Anyway, that is all for today.
Day 20- Twenty days is a big milestone for me. Quitting is definitely getting easier. My quit still takes up like 75% of my daily focus, but it's gotten slightly less stressful. One of the greatest parts of my quit is that I can finally spend more time late at night with my fiancee without rushing her to go to bed so I could dip. At the same time, not dipping also means that I go to bed earlier at night, which I imagine will be great once I can actually sleep through the damn night! Another big challenge I have ahead of me is getting in shape. I'm not fat by any means, but I am waaaay out of shape. I used to be very athletic as a two-sport athlete in high school and maintained staying active in college. Law school is where that all went to hell. Motivation to get in the gym has always been lacking, but it's more important now than ever. I need to workout to offset the constant hunger I have during my quit, as well as to relieve the stress and anxiety I have from quitting and work. Gonna try to get to the gym tonight. 'lift'
Day 35- This is really getting easier. Yesterday I didn't use any of my Jake's mint chew. Also, I think today was my first day of work without any major cravings. Usually I get a craving early in the day when my adderall kicks in, but NOT TODAY. I was worried that adderall would always make me crave nicotine because that had always been the case and the two went so well together. I still spend way more time on this site than I should, but I'm definitely enjoying the conversations and all of the people I'm meeting. Also, even though I'm only 35 days in, I enjoy helping the new quitters. Helping others and giving advice helps me reinforce my own quit. After all, how could anyone trust me if I cave? I know that isn't necessarily always true, but I'm going to keep acting like it is. Also, it's starting to get to the point where thinking about a future without dip isn't so depressing. I'm lucky to have the June Jackhammers and vets like Ralphie, BluManChew, JB65 and others helping me along the way.