KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: LakeLover on August 20, 2018, 12:39:00 PM
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Here we are on Day 1. Using a Monday to start things off fresh...a new week and a new me. I found this website on Friday when I'd already decided that Sunday night was the last. Tried to amp myself up by reading the stories of others.
I'm a 39 year old guy who has been dipping since I was about 10 years old. I've quit a few times over the years...the last was back in 2010. Longest I've ever quit for has been about 6 months, and I've always let some trigger foil my plan. I was a 2+ can a day dipper. WAS...until last night. Health benefits aren't really a motivating factor for me. Neither is what others think of my habit. What's motivating me is the continually rising cost of dip. I was already spending nearly $200 a month on this habit. I walked in the store Friday morning, and a 5 can roll had increased from an after tax price of $14.97 to $16.20. Considering my wife and I just bought a lake house...that $$$ can be better spent on family memories at the lake. So, here we are. Day 1 of the journey. Been struggling a bit this morning with convincing myself I don't NEED to get a dip, regardless of what my habit is trying to tell me. I've found myself reaching for the can in my pocket a few times. The "what's 1 more can?" argument has already been going on between the little fellows on my shoulders. I've done this part before, and I know it's all willpower. I'll get through these first addiction-breaking days...and this time, I'm determined to get through the long term.
Future HOF-er here...one day at a time.
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Welcome.
The price of admission here is posting roll (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10391308/1/#new) in your Quit Group (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/30657749/161/). Roll is the secret sauce that keeps us accountable and quit.
A couple corrections from your intro. You have never quit before, only stopped. Once you're Quit, you never use again for any reason. Ever. You make your promise daily, early in the morning, and honor your promise for the whole day, and make your promise again tomorrow. Exchange some digits ith some of your brothers in quit. Send a text if you're in a particularly bad spot. But no matter what, honor your promise and stay quit.
Also, except for the very end, you keep calling it a habit. You, me, all of us here have a terrible addiction. And our addict brain will try to convince us that quitting is for the birds. That's why you have to learn to hate tobacco and nicotine with all of your might. You have to quit romanticizing tobacco.
Finally, I'd encorage you to read, read, read - here in the forums and at the main KTC site. Learn just what the tobacco and nicotine were doing to your health.
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Sending you my information! Great intro!
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Welcome. Ive used this group to get me through alot. Ive stopped myself before for a month or two. Course the whole "one dip wont hurt" got me and i didnt know better. But im ready im do e this time. Almost done with day two myself. I may be a little irritable but i can control it. Im ready this time. Send me a pm or join the pre HOF november group and we can deal with the nic bitch together. Get rid of her for good this time
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Thanks for the replies fellas, and for the encouragement. I posted roll today for the first time. I'll be back to do it tomorrow for day 3. And then we do the next day. For the moment, I haven't even told my family I've quit. I know eventually the wife will notice the missing bottle and no cans laying everywhere, but not yet. I'm kind of weird...not sure why I haven't told her yet, but I think it has to do with wanting her to be proud when I do finally tell her. She's not an addict to anything like this, so she doesn't understand the hold it has on me. What I'm afraid of is that if I told her I'm 2 days clean, she wouldn't appreciate the accomplishment that that is. So, for the time being...y'all are the ones I'm accountable to.
On the way to work this morning, I stopped by the store I normally grab a roll from (at least 3 per week). Today, I bought lifesavers instead. I wanted to face the clerk. He immediately grabbed a roll of Grizzly, but I stopped him before he put it on the counter. I told him I didn't dip anymore (I'd told him on Friday, when I noticed the price had gone up, that it was time to quit). He mumbled something about hurting his bottom line. I might change stores, but it felt good to go in there and show the new me. I'm a quitter, and damn proud of it.
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Thanks for the replies fellas, and for the encouragement. I posted roll today for the first time. I'll be back to do it tomorrow for day 3. And then we do the next day. For the moment, I haven't even told my family I've quit. I know eventually the wife will notice the missing bottle and no cans laying everywhere, but not yet. I'm kind of weird...not sure why I haven't told her yet, but I think it has to do with wanting her to be proud when I do finally tell her. She's not an addict to anything like this, so she doesn't understand the hold it has on me. What I'm afraid of is that if I told her I'm 2 days clean, she wouldn't appreciate the accomplishment that that is. So, for the time being...y'all are the ones I'm accountable to.
On the way to work this morning, I stopped by the store I normally grab a roll from (at least 3 per week). Today, I bought lifesavers instead. I wanted to face the clerk. He immediately grabbed a roll of Grizzly, but I stopped him before he put it on the counter. I told him I didn't dip anymore (I'd told him on Friday, when I noticed the price had gone up, that it was time to quit). He mumbled something about hurting his bottom line. I might change stores, but it felt good to go in there and show the new me. I'm a quitter, and damn proud of it.
That is an awesome win LakeLover. Facing down your triggers is a feat that everyone will have to do sooner or later, most wait a long time. You took it head on, searched it out, and beat that nicotine down like a true quitter (which you are). I pmd you yesterday, check out the upper right corner for your inbox, looks like others are reaching out as well
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Thanks for the replies fellas, and for the encouragement. I posted roll today for the first time. I'll be back to do it tomorrow for day 3. And then we do the next day. For the moment, I haven't even told my family I've quit. I know eventually the wife will notice the missing bottle and no cans laying everywhere, but not yet. I'm kind of weird...not sure why I haven't told her yet, but I think it has to do with wanting her to be proud when I do finally tell her. She's not an addict to anything like this, so she doesn't understand the hold it has on me. What I'm afraid of is that if I told her I'm 2 days clean, she wouldn't appreciate the accomplishment that that is. So, for the time being...y'all are the ones I'm accountable to.
On the way to work this morning, I stopped by the store I normally grab a roll from (at least 3 per week). Today, I bought lifesavers instead. I wanted to face the clerk. He immediately grabbed a roll of Grizzly, but I stopped him before he put it on the counter. I told him I didn't dip anymore (I'd told him on Friday, when I noticed the price had gone up, that it was time to quit). He mumbled something about hurting his bottom line. I might change stores, but it felt good to go in there and show the new me. I'm a quitter, and damn proud of it.
I'll send you my information after this rant.
You're going to see a lot of guys here talk about reasons for quitting and you have to quit for yourself. I 100% agree with that, BUT I have to say for me, it's my family.
Sounds like you got a wife and kid(s)? I can't even fathom having the conversation with my son that his dad, one day, isn't going to wakeup, and it could be sooner due to dip. Seriously, and I know I'm going through some dippers fog and shit, but if I dwell on that for too long I become heap of crying mess.
You need this. Your family needs this. F-money, is comes and it goes, you and your family is something that cannot be replaced. So while I commend you for thinking about this being a fiscal decision (and it is!) when you feel that you need a dip and have an extra 20 in your pocket from your scratch off and think about picking up a can, think of yourself, and think of your family; because you damn sure aren't going to be thinking of that money.
I quit with you today. - digits in your inbox
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Great intro Lakelover. I can relate in a lot of ways from the hestitation with telling family, to wanting that lake house and also using finances as an added reason to tackle this addiction (Had to retrain my brain from calling it a habit too). IÂ’m automatically transferring my weekly dip allowance to a travel fund. When it hits a certain level IÂ’m gonna take my wife on a surprise vacation to pay her back for all the years i ninja dipped behind her back.
IÂ’ve only been quit 55 days so if you need another set of numbers to text with someone still pre-HOF, IÂ’d be happy to give you my support. Just send me a PM and you got it. Keep kicking ass ODAAT. the suck will get better soon.
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Last night at 10:00 marked the one week mark since my last dip, and damn what a week it's been. I found this website on Friday, 8/17, and spent a couple of hours reading blog posts. I mentally prepared myself that I was going to finish up the roll I'd bought that morning over the weekend, but come Monday morning, I was done. Monday, I joined up here and posted this intro. I spent the first day or 2 after joining wondering why people were sending me their phone numbers on here. I wasn't looking for buddies, and didn't need some random guys calling or texting me. I responded with quick thanks for the welcome, but didn't send my # back. For whatever reason, on Wednesday, I actually sent my digits to a couple of people. In hindsight, I think it was because I was going to need some accountability over the next few days. Thursday, day 4, started off pretty good. A couple of hours into my work day, I get word that my 18 year old niece has been involved in a bad wreck and is being transported by lifeflight. The initial thoughts were that it was serious, but not life-threatening. So, I worked another hour or so, and then hit the road for the hour drive to go pickup my 72 year old mom, to then drive her another 2 hours up to the hospital. Not long after I picked her up, my brother called with the news that she didn't make it. Disbelief...shock...you name it...those were the emotions. Not that I was looking for excuses to quit my quit, but damn it there weren't plenty to choose from if I'd wanted. Just that morning on the forums, I read where someone had written about a problem being a problem...but a problem + a dip = 2 problems. I spent about 4 hours in the car on Thursday...prime dipping time. I was dealing with the shock that my brother's 18 year old daughter had just died. I ended up at his house...with a can of Grizzly right in front of me. The temptations were there, and so were the opportunities. I really wanted a dip...or so my addiction told me. I texted one of my quit bros, and told him I just wanted to be accountable. I came on here and posted about how I was struggling. I wasn't looking for sympathy, but was posting to help keep me accountable to myself and to the rest of my my Nov2018 crew. This weekend brought the visitation on Saturday and the funeral yesterday. I still posted roll every morning. I didn't do it for y'all...I did it so my promise to myself was in writing that day. Made it home last night and collapsed in the recliner. I think last night was the hardest time yet. I had damn near given in to the "just one". After all, I'd been a week, surely I could reward myself with one little dip. One dip wasn't going to hurt my wallet or my health. Just one. I was on the brink of doing it. I'd gone through all the scenarios in my head, and right was losing. But then it hit me...I quit. I quit because I don't need this stuff. I don't need 2 cans a day...and I don't need one dip a week. Day 4-7 were some of the hardest days I've ever faced in my life...and I made it without dip. Throughout the day, my phone would ding...and I'd look down and have a text from one of your quitters...and it'd remind me that I'm not quitting alone. I was surrounded by family and friends all weekend, so I certainly wasn't alone in that sense...but those texts from here really helped me with my quit. And the timing of one particular text last night was huge. Capital70 has been texting every day...normally each morning. Well, yesterday, his text came through after 9PM...right when I was sitting there about to give in to that "just one" bs. The rest of my life has started off rough...but I've also found a strength I didn't know I had. I've faltered...but I haven't caved or fallen. I told my brother that he couldn't change what had happened, and he couldn't change the hurt that was going to come. The only thing he could control was the right now. I learned that from this website, and I used it to comfort my brother in the most painful situation he's ever had to face. I also used it when I was stumbling with quitting. ODAAT...and right now. Just quit right now. Then quit again a few minutes later. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
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Last night at 10:00 marked the one week mark since my last dip, and damn what a week it's been. I found this website on Friday, 8/17, and spent a couple of hours reading blog posts. I mentally prepared myself that I was going to finish up the roll I'd bought that morning over the weekend, but come Monday morning, I was done. Monday, I joined up here and posted this intro. I spent the first day or 2 after joining wondering why people were sending me their phone numbers on here. I wasn't looking for buddies, and didn't need some random guys calling or texting me. I responded with quick thanks for the welcome, but didn't send my # back. For whatever reason, on Wednesday, I actually sent my digits to a couple of people. In hindsight, I think it was because I was going to need some accountability over the next few days. Thursday, day 4, started off pretty good. A couple of hours into my work day, I get word that my 18 year old niece has been involved in a bad wreck and is being transported by lifeflight. The initial thoughts were that it was serious, but not life-threatening. So, I worked another hour or so, and then hit the road for the hour drive to go pickup my 72 year old mom, to then drive her another 2 hours up to the hospital. Not long after I picked her up, my brother called with the news that she didn't make it. Disbelief...shock...you name it...those were the emotions. Not that I was looking for excuses to quit my quit, but damn it there weren't plenty to choose from if I'd wanted. Just that morning on the forums, I read where someone had written about a problem being a problem...but a problem + a dip = 2 problems. I spent about 4 hours in the car on Thursday...prime dipping time. I was dealing with the shock that my brother's 18 year old daughter had just died. I ended up at his house...with a can of Grizzly right in front of me. The temptations were there, and so were the opportunities. I really wanted a dip...or so my addiction told me. I texted one of my quit bros, and told him I just wanted to be accountable. I came on here and posted about how I was struggling. I wasn't looking for sympathy, but was posting to help keep me accountable to myself and to the rest of my my Nov2018 crew. This weekend brought the visitation on Saturday and the funeral yesterday. I still posted roll every morning. I didn't do it for y'all...I did it so my promise to myself was in writing that day. Made it home last night and collapsed in the recliner. I think last night was the hardest time yet. I had damn near given in to the "just one". After all, I'd been a week, surely I could reward myself with one little dip. One dip wasn't going to hurt my wallet or my health. Just one. I was on the brink of doing it. I'd gone through all the scenarios in my head, and right was losing. But then it hit me...I quit. I quit because I don't need this stuff. I don't need 2 cans a day...and I don't need one dip a week. Day 4-7 were some of the hardest days I've ever faced in my life...and I made it without dip. Throughout the day, my phone would ding...and I'd look down and have a text from one of your quitters...and it'd remind me that I'm not quitting alone. I was surrounded by family and friends all weekend, so I certainly wasn't alone in that sense...but those texts from here really helped me with my quit. And the timing of one particular text last night was huge. Capital70 has been texting every day...normally each morning. Well, yesterday, his text came through after 9PM...right when I was sitting there about to give in to that "just one" bs. The rest of my life has started off rough...but I've also found a strength I didn't know I had. I've faltered...but I haven't caved or fallen. I told my brother that he couldn't change what had happened, and he couldn't change the hurt that was going to come. The only thing he could control was the right now. I learned that from this website, and I used it to comfort my brother in the most painful situation he's ever had to face. I also used it when I was stumbling with quitting. ODAAT...and right now. Just quit right now. Then quit again a few minutes later. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
If you can make it though that, you can make it through anything. Thank you for sharing your story and your capacity to stay quit during such a rough time.
Reading new intros and updates to intros like this stregthens my quit.
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Your strength gives me strength! I was sitting on the shitter last night and thought..."I should text all my quit brothers". I had no idea you had that going on. You are one impressive man and I am honored to quit with you today!
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... I was sitting on the shitter last night and thought...
Damnit man 'facepalm'' roflmao
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... I was sitting on the shitter last night and thought...
Damnit man 'facepalm'' roflmao
Sorry...I thought we were being honest...problem is I have so many damn digits by the time I was done my legs barely worked!
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... I was sitting on the shitter last night and thought...
Damnit man 'facepalm'' roflmao
Sorry...I thought we were being honest...problem is I have so many damn digits by the time I was done my legs barely worked!
Damn.....just......Damn! Prayers to the family. LifeÂ’s going to happen. I would bet that had you not been posting roll and having others text you and checking on you because obviously they care, whether you like it or not, you would have been stuffing your face again. Yes complete strangers that you have never met and possibly never will meet give a shit about you. WeÂ’re all going through are on troubles but it sure is nice to have a bunch of people that knows what it means to tell them IÂ’m struggling or having a bad day. ThatÂ’s KTC at itÂ’s finest! IÂ’m proud to quit with you
Pab 1339