KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: gcrowe5 on July 12, 2015, 04:31:00 PM
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Hello All.
My name is George and i'm not new to this group. In December of 2010 I decided to put that canned habit away for good. It was destryoing me on the inside and out. During this time I had been out of the military for about 3 years, my son was born in 2011 and thing were going great. For a little more than 3 years I put the habit in my rearview mirror. In July of 2013 I decided to re-join the military after many years away, I missed it. Once I went back to boot camp and got out, everythying was still normal. I had no urges of going back to my old and bad habits. Even being around my brother-in-law, best friend and others didn't bother me at all. Then came my rating school. My roommate who is a smokeless tobacco user was doing it all the time. Again, it did not bother me at all. I told him I had quit over 3 years ago, and he even asked me if I wanted him to do it outside or in another room away from me. I told him No, i'm fine...will not bother me. After a few weeks at our school, we were doing a lot of high risk and high intensity training. That started working on my nerves. Being in my late 30's, and out of the military life for a long time, it was hard for me to keep up (not impossible, just hard). My nerves and anxiety started getting the best of me. That's when I did the worst thing I could possibly do....I went to the exchange and bought a can of Grizzly Wintergreen Pouches...thinking...it's just pouches...i'll be done with school and i can quit it again..no problem....But the problem is, when I bought that can, I threw away over 3 years of hard work. The first dip was discusting and made me sick....and i should have stopped there, but I didn't. I'm ashamed to say it got worse. I told myself I would quit many times, on certain significant dates that stood out to me. Those have come and gone. When I rejoined the military I had to drop back down in rank and work my way back up again. When I was in before, I could never get past E4, I had a hard time with that test. I told myself this time, when I pass that E5 test, I will quit. I will make THAT my new date. This can be the date where something that I could never do and something that I had a problem doing, could be the date of a new me. Well, last Thursday on July 9th 2015, I took my E5 test for the 3rd time and I finally passed. So I will be putting on my 2nd Class Crows here in the next few months, which is a huge accomplishment for me. I want to be able to make it further in my career, so that's another reason I wanted to quit again. Like before, I am going to need the help and determination to do it. It's going to be hard., I haven't had a dip since Thursday night. So all the things that happened before when I quit, I am experiencing them again. Like I said in the title, It's like Deja Vu all over again. It's good to be back..but wish it wasn't because I fell off the wagon 2 years ago.
Thanks for letting me rant, and discuss my situation with you all....here we go again...
George
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Hello All.
My name is George and i'm not new to this group. In December of 2010 I decided to put that canned habit away for good. It was destryoing me on the inside and out. During this time I had been out of the military for about 3 years, my son was born in 2011 and thing were going great. For a little more than 3 years I put the habit in my rearview mirror. In July of 2013 I decided to re-join the military after many years away, I missed it. Once I went back to boot camp and got out, everythying was still normal. I had no urges of going back to my old and bad habits. Even being around my brother-in-law, best friend and others didn't bother me at all. Then came my rating school. My roommate who is a smokeless tobacco user was doing it all the time. Again, it did not bother me at all. I told him I had quit over 3 years ago, and he even asked me if I wanted him to do it outside or in another room away from me. I told him No, i'm fine...will not bother me. After a few weeks at our school, we were doing a lot of high risk and high intensity training. That started working on my nerves. Being in my late 30's, and out of the military life for a long time, it was hard for me to keep up (not impossible, just hard). My nerves and anxiety started getting the best of me. That's when I did the worst thing I could possibly do....I went to the exchange and bought a can of Grizzly Wintergreen Pouches...thinking...it's just pouches...i'll be done with school and i can quit it again..no problem....But the problem is, when I bought that can, I threw away over 3 years of hard work. The first dip was discusting and made me sick....and i should have stopped there, but I didn't. I'm ashamed to say it got worse. I told myself I would quit many times, on certain significant dates that stood out to me. Those have come and gone. When I rejoined the military I had to drop back down in rank and work my way back up again. When I was in before, I could never get past E4, I had a hard time with that test. I told myself this time, when I pass that E5 test, I will quit. I will make THAT my new date. This can be the date where something that I could never do and something that I had a problem doing, could be the date of a new me. Well, last Thursday on July 9th 2015, I took my E5 test for the 3rd time and I finally passed. So I will be putting on my 2nd Class Crows here in the next few months, which is a huge accomplishment for me. I want to be able to make it further in my career, so that's another reason I wanted to quit again. Like before, I am going to need the help and determination to do it. It's going to be hard., I haven't had a dip since Thursday night. So all the things that happened before when I quit, I am experiencing them again. Like I said in the title, It's like Deja Vu all over again. It's good to be back..but wish it wasn't because I fell off the wagon 2 years ago.
Thanks for letting me rant, and discuss my situation with you all....here we go again...
George
Hello George, welcome back. Get your Roll posted in Oct 15 and let's get you the support you need. You know it's gonna suck till it don't but this time is gonna be for good. There some badass quitters here if you will listen and read all you can on here you will be free again only this time we worry about 1 day at a time. Let's do this! I quit with you today!
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Here is what I see George - you only posted roll once in 2011 AND you still call killing yourself a "habit". Post roll daily and realize we are addicts.
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So what makes this time different than last time?
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So what makes this time different than last time?
Apparently nothing.
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So where are you then? 3 posts in 4 1/2 years probably won't cut it. If you want to quit ere you have to give us a fraction of your time each day. If not quit on your own.