KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: allec on March 08, 2010, 09:09:00 AM
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I tossed the can on Feb 28, and woke up on Monday, Mar 01, 2010 having quit. I am on Day 8.
Craves - check, but manageable.
Fog - check, but not as much as I expected.
Blood pressure - down.
Resting pulse - way down.
General overall feeling of well being - check, way up.
Rage - in check, and really not a factor since the way I react to situations is a choice.
Appetite - in check, watching what I put in my piehole since this is also a choice.
Weapons and information to do battle - armed, locked and loaded. Having scoured this site, there is not a single situation that someone on here has not encountered.
If you are lurking around and wondering if you should quit, what is holding you back? The tools are here, and in a matter of days or weeks, you will feel like new.
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Required Reading (http://www.killthecan.org/facts/jennykern.asp)
If you are at all on the fence about quitting or caving, give this a read and let it soak in.
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Day 10.
Albert Einstein once said "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".
Let that soak in. For those of us who have quit in the past using the original or current incarnation of QSX AND have caved after a long time nicotine free, we need to think long and hard about what we are going to do differently this time to achieve a different result - a permanent quit.
There are at least three individuals in my June group including me who are doing this again.
Here is what I am going to to differently:
1. Post roll call or check in daily via text or pda - as long as it takes. I may need to do this for months, years, decades, or even the rest of my hopefully long life. Last time, I slacked off after about 6 months and paid the price in early 2006.
2. Acknowledge that I am an addict and never, ever, ever think that I have this addiction permanently beat. I thought I had this beat the last time. WRONG
3. Acknowledge that this addiction is bigger than me, will be bigger than me for a long time or for my lifetime. I cannot fight this alone. As such, I will leverage off of the collective strength of this group - both as a giver and recipient of the support that is here. I may need to do this for months, years, decades, or even the rest of my hopefully long life. Last time, I thought I could go it alone without any support from the outside. WRONG
4. I have a plan in place, which is as follows:
A. Check in daily.
B. If I wish to cave, make sure I talk to someone live, and preferably several people live, on this board to get permission.
C. If I wish to cave, look my son and wife in the eye and tell them that feeding a pointless addiction and probably dying of cancer is more important than their well being or mine.
D. If I wish to cave, I will publicly sign the "contract" and post it here for all to see.
E. Provide support to others.
Last time, I did not have a plan or any accountability.
So ask yourself, if you have unsuccessfully "tried" this before, what are you going to do differently to achieve a different result this time?
If you had strict accountability, would you have caved? How about a good plan? How about checking in daily? Would you have caved? I can honestly say I would not have caved and would be approaching 1,900 days.
Moderators or veterans - I have studied this community for the past few days. I would like to know if there is anyone who caved after (i) reaching out to fellow quitters in a time of need - especially the caving incident, (ii) posting roll call daily, and (iii) having a plan and being accountable. I suspect not...
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Day 15.
Random observations -
1. Ever timed a crave? Try it out some time - I have found that they last less than 10 minutes usually; your mileage may vary.
2. I wonder if there is an insulin and nicotine connection. The reason I wonder is that I have killed a few craves with sweet foods.
3. Quitting changes the metabolism. I am not as wired as I was before, and my resting pulse is much, much lower.
4. Exercise - and I am talking intense exercise (conditioning drills) - also kills a crave.
5. A few years ago, I quit for over a year and gained 30 lbs. while already being overweight by about 20 lbs. Now 30 lbs isn't very healthy, but it is definitely healthier than dipping. I dropped 45 lbs, and have gained 15 back to be overweight by about 20 lbs again.
This time, I am weighing myself daily. I also decided to keep track of what I am eating, and I am exercising 6x a week.
Results - weight has held more or less steady. Once I exercise the same daily discipline towards eating that I have with nicotine the past 15 days, I will lose the extra weight.
I will prove that quitting nicotine does not have to mean becoming a lard ass.
6. New readers and visitors - read carefully. You can quit. The tools are here, and if used correctly, will give you success. Join the site, and head over to your quit group (add 100 days to today's date and the month that falls in is your group).
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Moderators or veterans - I have studied this community for the past few days. I would like to know if there is anyone who caved after (i) reaching out to fellow quitters in a time of need - especially the caving incident, (ii) posting roll call daily, and (iii) having a plan and being accountable. I suspect not...
I would give Builderchad (who was a member of August 2008) points i and ii but not point iii. He justified his cave by saying that he was drinking too much and he would continue abusing alcohol unless he chose dip as a replacement. This was a known issue prior to his cave. I talked to him on the phone about it a few days before he caved and he was pretty torn. In his mind, his plan and his priorities shifted away from quitting nicotine onto quitting alcohol. I actually told him to do what he thought was best but that reintroducing nicotine wouldn't make anything better. I used to think that what I said gave him an opening to cave - like I wasn't holding him accountable any longer or I was giving him my blessing to cave. Now I know different.
He had a plan to cave and was no longer accountable to himself. Never put your quit in anyone else's hands - the nic bitch will speak through them. That person will be uncaring / overbearing / egotistical / non-empathetic in your eyes. The nic-bitch will be the only one who understands you and cares about your well-being. You are in control of you. Use this site to build your quit toolbox. Nicotine will never solve your problems, but it will definitely create new ones.
Builderchad's Last Activity: Jan 25, 2010, 6:27 pm
Hmmm...I think I'll give ol' Chad a call this evening.
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Day 16 - Celebrate the small successes and fight one battle at a time
Yesterday was hard. If one reads this board and mines it for every scrap of information available, it should be no surprise that at two weeks the nic bitch comes back and comes back hard.
For me, that was Day 15. The craves, all less than five minutes, came early and came often. I posted roll call, which ensured that I was quit for the day. And then I spent almost all day here, in a fog, reading, participating, and reminding myself that I am quit and gave my word for the day.
A couple of sessions of chat, some well timed PMs, and the positive energy from this board got me through this. I also ate like there was no tomorrow.
Thankfully, I have exercised almost every day of my new life without nicotine. Conditioning drills and calisthenics are ugly and hard, but (i) exercise helps with the craves and (ii) I need to burn some calories to offset the increased caloric intake I have had recently.
I need to focus on the quit and deal with the food issue later when my quit is stronger.
My successes -
1. I made it through the worst cravings I have had to date
2. Sixteen days in, my weight has held steady.
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Day 16 - Celebrate the small successes and fight one battle at a time
Yesterday was hard. If one reads this board and mines it for every scrap of information available, it should be no surprise that at two weeks the nic bitch comes back and comes back hard.
For me, that was Day 15. The craves, all less than five minutes, came early and came often. I posted roll call, which ensured that I was quit for the day. And then I spent almost all day here, in a fog, reading, participating, and reminding myself that I am quit and gave my word for the day.
A couple of sessions of chat, some well timed PMs, and the positive energy from this board got me through this. I also ate like there was no tomorrow.
Thankfully, I have exercised almost every day of my new life without nicotine. Conditioning drills and calisthenics are ugly and hard, but (i) exercise helps with the craves and (ii) I need to burn some calories to offset the increased caloric intake I have had recently.
I need to focus on the quit and deal with the food issue later when my quit is stronger.
My successes -
1. I made it through the worst cravings I have had to date
2. Sixteen days in, my weight has held steady.
Well done.
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Day 16 - Celebrate the small successes and fight one battle at a time
Yesterday was hard. If one reads this board and mines it for every scrap of information available, it should be no surprise that at two weeks the nic bitch comes back and comes back hard.
For me, that was Day 15. The craves, all less than five minutes, came early and came often. I posted roll call, which ensured that I was quit for the day. And then I spent almost all day here, in a fog, reading, participating, and reminding myself that I am quit and gave my word for the day.
A couple of sessions of chat, some well timed PMs, and the positive energy from this board got me through this. I also ate like there was no tomorrow.
Thankfully, I have exercised almost every day of my new life without nicotine. Conditioning drills and calisthenics are ugly and hard, but (i) exercise helps with the craves and (ii) I need to burn some calories to offset the increased caloric intake I have had recently.
I need to focus on the quit and deal with the food issue later when my quit is stronger.
My successes -
1. I made it through the worst cravings I have had to date
2. Sixteen days in, my weight has held steady.
Well done.
It is very nice to see when people read the infomation on the site. For me knowing what was coming helped a lot.
Great work Allec... Keep fighting !!
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Day 16 - Celebrate the small successes and fight one battle at a time
Yesterday was hard. If one reads this board and mines it for every scrap of information available, it should be no surprise that at two weeks the nic bitch comes back and comes back hard.
For me, that was Day 15. The craves, all less than five minutes, came early and came often. I posted roll call, which ensured that I was quit for the day. And then I spent almost all day here, in a fog, reading, participating, and reminding myself that I am quit and gave my word for the day.
A couple of sessions of chat, some well timed PMs, and the positive energy from this board got me through this. I also ate like there was no tomorrow.
Thankfully, I have exercised almost every day of my new life without nicotine. Conditioning drills and calisthenics are ugly and hard, but (i) exercise helps with the craves and (ii) I need to burn some calories to offset the increased caloric intake I have had recently.
I need to focus on the quit and deal with the food issue later when my quit is stronger.
My successes -
1. I made it through the worst cravings I have had to date
2. Sixteen days in, my weight has held steady.
Well done.
It is very nice to see when people read the infomation on the site. For me knowing what was coming helped a lot.
Great work Allec... Keep fighting !!
Brudda, that kicks Ass!!!! Well done!
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Day 22 - It gets better
For me, the fog started to lift a couple of days ago. I actually no longer have the "don't give a shits." The past three weeks have been a blur. I feel good, have kept my weight stable, and have smooth gums and mouth lining.
Some things I have learned that may help you are as follows:
1. The words of wisdom section of this site has some nice articles that tell one what to expect next. Out of the blue craves or a "funk" at a certain point in time should not be unexpected.
2. Daily exercise in the mornings has helped me.
3. Posting roll and knowing someone has to sign off on a cave has kept me on the straight and narrow. Get some numbers.
4. It's all a mind game now.
5. I will always be an addict. It will be, for the rest of my life, a one day at a time battle. I will never, never, never, never give up, I will succeed, and my fight might become as second nature as brushing my teeth, but the minute I think I am not longer an addict is the minute I have the potential to make a poor decision.
6. There is a wealth of information on this site. Read, read, read.
7. The key to success is to always say no to a crave. Conceptually, it is as simple as a yes/no decision and nothing else.
8. Alcohol is not my friend right now. Maybe down the road, but two beers is about what it would take to send me down the road of dumbassery at this point in my quit.
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Day 22 - It gets better
For me, the fog started to lift a couple of days ago. I actually no longer have the "don't give a shits." The past three weeks have been a blur. I feel good, have kept my weight stable, and have smooth gums and mouth lining.
Some things I have learned that may help you are as follows:
1. The words of wisdom section of this site has some nice articles that tell one what to expect next. Out of the blue craves or a "funk" at a certain point in time should not be unexpected.
2. Daily exercise in the mornings has helped me.
3. Posting roll and knowing someone has to sign off on a cave has kept me on the straight and narrow. Get some numbers.
4. It's all a mind game now.
5. I will always be an addict. It will be, for the rest of my life, a one day at a time battle. I will never, never, never, never give up, I will succeed, and my fight might become as second nature as brushing my teeth, but the minute I think I am not longer an addict is the minute I have the potential to make a poor decision.
6. There is a wealth of information on this site. Read, read, read.
7. The key to success is to always say no to a crave. Conceptually, it is as simple as a yes/no decision and nothing else.
8. Alcohol is not my friend right now. Maybe down the road, but two beers is about what it would take to send me down the road of dumbassery at this point in my quit.
Wise, wise words. You, my friend, get it! Congrats on Day 22.
I'd say get ready for the funks but it sounds like you are ready.
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Craves - check, but manageable.
Fog - check, but not as much as I expected.
Blood pressure - down.
Resting pulse - way down.
I'm glad I read this. One of my main "justifications" for continuing to dip after being diagnosed with high blood pressure was that articles online wouldn't tie it to long-term high blood pressure... only short-term.
I"m only on day 3, but the change in my BP is absolutely noticable.
This is one of many reasons for my quit, and I'm pleased to see results like this so immediately.
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Day 24
Just a note to remind myself how much the first 20 days or so of this sucked. I need to refer back to this when my mind strays or a particularly intense crave hits.
-Remember the fog and inability to focus on anything for more than 30 seconds?
-Remember the irratibility and overall lack of patience with even trivial stuff?
-Remember the blank stare I gave my wife when I was asked something because my mind was elsewhere?
-Remember the horrible craves that could only be satisfied by with sugar and other empty junk?
-Remember the insomnia?
-Remember the guilt for having been a slave to the can so long?
-Remember the time I quit in 2005 for over 400 days, thought one would not hurt, and took four years to get back to this point?
- Remember every time a sore or white spot showed up wondering whether I had cancer?
I need to note all of this, because the last three or so weeks have been a fog and will likely forgotten.
I never, ever, ever, ever, ever will go through this again.
I may be an addict, but I am bleeping done with this stuff one day at a time!
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Day 32
One month in. The sun still rises in the east and sets in the west, I can do all of the things without dip that I used to do with dip, the fog is fading, and life marches on.
I have had a particularly shitty and stressful month at home and at work to top it off, but it's so much damn easier without having schedule my daily activities around when I needed to sneak off for a dip.
What has been key for me is posting roll daily - either the normal way or by iphone.
Exercise is almost a daily part of my life (5 or 6 days out of 7 in a given week), and since the cravings are slowly, slowly abating, my food intake is abating as well.
The most important lesson for me is this - I am an addict, I can never have any sort of nicotine ever again, and actively monitoring my quit is now part of my life.
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Day 32
One month in. The sun still rises in the east and sets in the west, I can do all of the things without dip that I used to do with dip, the fog is fading, and life marches on.
I have had a particularly shitty and stressful month at home and at work to top it off, but it's so much damn easier without having schedule my daily activities around when I needed to sneak off for a dip.
What has been key for me is posting roll daily - either the normal way or by iphone.
Exercise is almost a daily part of my life (5 or 6 days out of 7 in a given week), and since the cravings are slowly, slowly abating, my food intake is abating as well.
The most important lesson for me is this - I am an addict, I can never have any sort of nicotine ever again, and actively monitoring my quit is now part of my life.
Freedom is great. You need to keep fighting for it. It will get easier but you still need to fight.
Enjoy the good times. You're earning it every time you crush a crave.
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Day 38
I woke up this morning and went about my business. This morning was a little different. It was about 3 hours before I even thought about dip or, for that matter, checking in and posting roll. I am glad in that I did not wake up with a crave or a thought of a dip.
Once the thought came into my head, I immediately pulled over and checked in via Iphone.
The fact that dip was not even on my radar warms my heart, even if it was only for a few hours.
All of that being said, I have no illusions that I have this beat "forever". I can say with a 100% degree of confidence that I do have this beat today.
For me, posting roll daily or checking in via the iphone is the cornerstone to my quit.
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Day 38
I woke up this morning and went about my business. This morning was a little different. It was about 3 hours before I even thought about dip or, for that matter, checking in and posting roll. I am glad in that I did not wake up with a crave or a thought of a dip.
Once the thought came into my head, I immediately pulled over and checked in via Iphone.
The fact that dip was not even on my radar warms my heart, even if it was only for a few hours.
All of that being said, I have no illusions that I have this beat "forever". I can say with a 100% degree of confidence that I do have this beat today.
For me, posting roll daily or checking in via the iphone is the cornerstone to my quit.
Enjoy days like this, they will help you pull through the rough days. They start to come more often ! Posting roll is vital in my quit too ! I have not missed a single day since I posted my first day and I do not plan on stopping any time soon.
This place has me quit longer than anything I ever did on my own. Posting roll is painless and it works... why quit it !?!?!
Keep fighting.. you are doing a great job
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Enjoy days like this, they will help you pull through the rough days. They start to come more often !
Day 40 -
Based on what I have been reading, I knew this was coming. I've also experienced this in 2005 when I quit for over a year. I seem to have a funk about every 3 weeks. Day 20 or 21, and now Day 40.
I posted the good Day 22 I had. Now I am going to rant about Day 40.
Quite frankly, this bothers the shit out of me. I quit dipping (again and for good, when considered on a day to day basis), but this time, I have been sick off an on for 40 days. I think it is the spring allergies. And my blood pressure has increased for some reason to a disturbing level - probably all of the OTC stuff I am taking to battle the allergies. Because quitting certainly would not increase it.
The best health related decision I have made is to put the can out of my life. I feel better in many ways, but my overall quality of life the past 40 days has been shitty due to allergies and some other issues in my personal and professional life. I cannot seem to catch a break.
Stepping back from all of it, I know four things
1. Dip is not going to change any of this.
2. Every day I post roll, dip is removed from the equation. Therefore, since I post roll or check in daily, dip is removed from the equation.
3. A particularly bad day is usually followed by a longer string of good days each time. So tomorrow or Sunday will be the start of a good string of days.
4. If it gets really bad, I do have some numbers to call.
Carry on, post roll daily, read the board, and no spelunking or other activities involving caves.
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Day 45 -
I still don't feel like my old self, and I may not for a long time. Reading through what others 100s of days ahead of me went through, considering the length of time I used dip, and recollecting a year plus quit in 2005 and early 2006, it will be awhile before I feel "normal" again.
But I feel pretty good about my quit.
I've seen something here that bothers me. And maybe there is always two or three people in each group that don't get it, but what's up with the repeat day 1s?
If you are new and are reading this, here are the basic rules for success here:
1. Post roll. That is your promise for the day not to use nicotine in any way, shape, or form. I'll give you an example.
Allec gets up at 12:30 am to do his business. He posts roll that morning. That means he promised not to dip, smoke, chew gum, or use a patch until 12:01 am the next day. If he does, then he lied and broke his word.
2. If you have a midnight crave, post roll early in the day. You've given your word for the day.
3. Interact with others and get some phone numbers. You might never need them, but if you get to a point where a crave might turn into a cave, you have someone to call.
4. Don't post roll and cave the same day.
5. Make it as hard as possible to cave. Burn your boats - meaning throw out your cans, get some phone numbers, promise to talk to someone if things don't look good, and be accountable. Telling us about a cave is no good - it means you didn't make yourself accountable.
6. Post roll daily.
7. This is the most important. Admit you are an addict to one of the most addictive substances known to man, and that this is a battle for your life. Maybe it would be nicotine induced cancer that gets you or maybe it would be nicotine induced heart disease, but know that you are an addict.
8. This might not be obvious, but the tools here are free and they work when used properly.
Good luck.
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That's a solid plan there, if you take your own advice you will stay quit for the rest of your life.
Just remember, when it comes to quitting there is no "luck"
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Just remember, when it comes to quitting there is no "luck"
Good wisdom, Sensei.
The only "luck" involved here will be whether or not 22 years living by the can gives me cancer or contributes to heart disease.
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Day 45 -
I still don't feel like my old self, and I may not for a long time. Reading through what others 100s of days ahead of me went through, considering the length of time I used dip, and recollecting a year plus quit in 2005 and early 2006, it will be awhile before I feel "normal" again.
First of all: FANTASTIC work, Alec. Forty-five days is no joke. And yes, quitting is a day-to-day thing (or a minute-to-minute thing for some, like myself), but it's OK to keep in mind that you've done 45+ days; you can do another 45, and then another, and so on. You have it in you to beat this shit into submission.
Secondly: Don't worry about feeling like you used to...what you believe is "normal." The fact is, you are redefining what's normal, pal. Stay quit, and you'll soon feel as "normal" as you once did, plus a fair measure better.
Third: Make the quit easier by making yourself laugh as often as possible. Farting loudly in public and acknowledging it vocally (e.g., "Holy COW!!!) or pulling out your dick at the grocery store does the trick.
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pulling out your dick at the grocery store does the trick.
I agree, this is like an ice cold Colt 45.... It Works Every Time.
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DAY 52
If you find getting to this point is easy, you are one of the lucky ones. The ONE THING, and I mean the ONE THING that is keeping me going is when I log on, post roll, and promise to be quit.
When people tell you that this is the hardest thing you will ever do, they are not lying.
My advice to you is to post roll, embrace the suck, do your time, and reap the immediate and longer term rewards life without nicotine has in store.
I have literally gotten to day 52 as follows:
1. When I am lucky, day by day
2. Usually, hour by hour
3. Sometimes, minute by minute
You'll see me tomorrow posting a Day 53.
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DAY 52
If you find getting to this point is easy, you are one of the lucky ones. The ONE THING, and I mean the ONE THING that is keeping me going is when I log on, post roll, and promise to be quit.
When people tell you that this is the hardest thing you will ever do, they are not lying.
My advice to you is to post roll, embrace the suck, do your time, and reap the immediate and longer term rewards life without nicotine has in store.
I have literally gotten to day 52 as follows:
1. When I am lucky, day by day
2. Usually, hour by hour
3. Sometimes, minute by minute
You'll see me tomorrow posting a Day 53.
DAY 53
Yep, one day further away from poisoning myself.
I believe a successful quit is built one step at a time. There are no short cuts, and for many of us, there is no easy way out. For me, it is hard as hell.
What we are about and what we do on this site works. Post roll, keep a promise, remember I am doing this for me and me alone, reach out for more help when needed, rinse, repeat, and do the same thing tomorrow.
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DAY 59
Some days are good, and some days are bad. Today is good.
I wonder how long it takes to rewire the brain to think coherently after quitting? I know I will settle into a new normal, and I need to be patient since I dipped for 22 years. But when?
I do know one thing - putting a dip in will delay the process of rewiring.
Posting to this log frequently is my way of keeping a record of what has gone on since the beginning. I certainly do not want to repeat this.
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Allec,
When you get a chance head over to my intro page. I am still asking some of the same questions. I now have way more good days than bad days, but the bad ones do still sneak in from time to time.
I am figuring out the new me as I go. And I gotta say I like the new me a whole lot more....
Stay quit...
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DAY 59
Some days are good, and some days are bad. Today is good.
I wonder how long it takes to rewire the brain to think coherently after quitting? I know I will settle into a new normal, and I need to be patient since I dipped for 22 years. But when?
I do know one thing - putting a dip in will delay the process of rewiring.
Posting to this log frequently is my way of keeping a record of what has gone on since the beginning. I certainly do not want to repeat this.
allec, I also dipped for over 22 years, and in that time I never went more than a nights sleep without nicotine. My first dip I was 15 1/2 yrs old and 6 months later I had a can a day addiction. I'm 37 now.
22 years = 8035 days
What can you honestly expect after 59 days? I don't mean that to sound combative or disrespectful, just my perspective.
What you can expect is improved health for the rest or your life and a pride that only quitting can provide and only you can take away.
-word
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DAY 64
I saw this over in June. Quitter got riproaring drunk and smoked a cigaret. Said quitter is no longer a quitter with us.
The biggest controllable obstacle to your quit is alcohol. And I have a plan for you to deal with this:
1. Don't drink until XX days into your quit.
2. Don't drink to excess until XX + a lot of days into your quit.
XX = the number of days until you can trust yourself not to make a snap decision to cave after a couple of drinks, XX + a lot of days = the number of days you can trust yourself not to cave after a whole lot of drinks.
It's real simple. Protect your quit, and don't do anything stupid to jeopardize it. You will eventually be able to drink again and not jeopardize your quit. Just put it aside for now.
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DAY 64
I saw this over in June. Quitter got riproaring drunk and smoked a cigaret. Said quitter is no longer a quitter with us.
The biggest controllable obstacle to your quit is alcohol. And I have a plan for you to deal with this:
1. Don't drink until XX days into your quit.
2. Don't drink to excess until XX + a lot of days into your quit.
XX = the number of days until you can trust yourself not to make a snap decision to cave after a couple of drinks, XX + a lot of days = the number of days you can trust yourself not to cave after a whole lot of drinks.
It's real simple. Protect your quit, and don't do anything stupid to jeopardize it. You will eventually be able to drink again and not jeopardize your quit. Just put it aside for now.
FYI - I have been quit for 400 days, and it has never been stronger. I love being quit and I
However, twice over the past month I have been rip roaring drunk and almost caved due to sheer stupidity.
Your formula is good, but just always be on the lookout!! always.
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DAY 64 ADDENDUM
I need to make another note to make sure I have this for reference after what has happened today.
After reading the trainwreck that has occurred in June today, I need to remind myself that not only should I take it easy on the booze, but there will be mind games. The nicotine is long gone from my system.
I quit for over a year about 5 years ago, and a mind game happened that got me back to square 1 several years later.
This shit never goes away entirely. I am an addict, there is no cure, and I cannot have "one" just for old time's sake. This is a life long issue for me.
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DAY 59
Some days are good, and some days are bad. Today is good.
I wonder how long it takes to rewire the brain to think coherently after quitting? I know I will settle into a new normal, and I need to be patient since I dipped for 22 years. But when?
I do know one thing - putting a dip in will delay the process of rewiring.
Posting to this log frequently is my way of keeping a record of what has gone on since the beginning. I certainly do not want to repeat this.
allec, I also dipped for over 22 years, and in that time I never went more than a nights sleep without nicotine. My first dip I was 15 1/2 yrs old and 6 months later I had a can a day addiction. I'm 37 now.
22 years = 8035 days
What can you honestly expect after 59 days? I don't mean that to sound combative or disrespectful, just my perspective.
What you can expect is improved health for the rest or your life and a pride that only quitting can provide and only you can take away.
-word
WORD x 2
I still need to remind myself that in the scheme of things, I haven't been quit very long. What's one year compared to nearly 20?
(Five percent)
(Shhhhhh...don't tell anyone that I am a mathematician)
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Day 72. For the first, and probably last, time I tried the fake stuff. I have had some low level, constant cravings for a few days and my curiosity got the best of me. I had forgotten how disgusting and messy spit tobacco was. There was no rush, no nirvana, and I still have a minor crave. I think this series of craves is part of the 10 week funk.
It was just as unsatisfying as the real thing was for me the past couple of years. Maybe I will use the fake if things get to the point where I talk myself into "just one".
I am glad I tried out the fake, because the physical act of dipping reminded me of one of the reasons I quit in the first place.
At this point, it is all mental anyway. I will continue doing what has worked - posting roll, outlasting craves, and enjoying my dip free life
For some, the fake might be the answer. But probably not for me.
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DAY 80
Some examples to remind me never to get cocky with my quit. It really never goes away. We are not fixed, we are addicts, and it requires some effort (less over time, but still some effort) for the rest of our lives to remain quit.
Example 1 - This guy over in August posted a day 1 after throwing away 1,000+ quit.
Why did I cave?? I lost accountability, I lost track of what's important, I thought I could have just 1. Any excuse I give, which I just did and that's really why I caved, is just bullshit to all of you and will give you all more ammo to fire away at me. I caved because my quit just lost its importance, I forgot my mantra which is all over my HOF speech. I lost track of how important it is to take things 1 day at a time. I forgot I am an addict. No 1 thing caused me to go back to dipping, I wish it had, it might make this easier. So back to basics here is all I can do.
Example 2 - Think it ever goes away? My mother smoked for 35 years. She quit about 20 years ago and started on the gum. Eight years later, she went on the patch to get off the gum. Five years after that, she started smoking again after having "just one". Coupled with her diabetes, it will likely kill her.
Example 3 - Read about this guy. It never really goes away, does it? It probably gets easier, but it never goes away.
The baddest quitter I know quit chewing when he was 22 year old. Fast forward 20 years later we are sitting together in a meeting. He looks over at me and says, "man something is sure causing me to crave a dip". He then asked me if I got one. I told him, " no", "I'm 300 days quit". He then tells me he is still quit but craves every so often. 20 years and still craves every so often.
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DAY 80
Some examples to remind me never to get cocky with my quit. It really never goes away. We are not fixed, we are addicts, and it requires some effort (less over time, but still some effort) for the rest of our lives to remain quit.
Example 1 - This guy over in August posted a day 1 after throwing away 1,000+ quit.
Why did I cave?? I lost accountability, I lost track of what's important, I thought I could have just 1. Any excuse I give, which I just did and that's really why I caved, is just bullshit to all of you and will give you all more ammo to fire away at me. I caved because my quit just lost its importance, I forgot my mantra which is all over my HOF speech. I lost track of how important it is to take things 1 day at a time. I forgot I am an addict. No 1 thing caused me to go back to dipping, I wish it had, it might make this easier. So back to basics here is all I can do.
Example 2 - Think it ever goes away? My mother smoked for 35 years. She quit about 20 years ago and started on the gum. Eight years later, she went on the patch to get off the gum. Five years after that, she started smoking again after having "just one". Coupled with her diabetes, it will likely kill her.
Example 3 - Read about this guy. It never really goes away, does it? It probably gets easier, but it never goes away.
The baddest quitter I know quit chewing when he was 22 year old. Fast forward 20 years later we are sitting together in a meeting. He looks over at me and says, "man something is sure causing me to crave a dip". He then asked me if I got one. I told him, " no", "I'm 300 days quit". He then tells me he is still quit but craves every so often. 20 years and still craves every so often.
allec,
It does get easier but it will always be there. Keep up the good fight brother.
CaseyG - 303
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DAY 82
The 70s - 90s funk. Living it and embracing it. There is fog and it does suck. Not as bad as early on, but it does suck. It's nothing no one else ahead of me has not worked through.
But I will say this.
Hooch Wintergreen is a god send. Between posting roll, your support, and the batch of Hooch I received today, I am going to make it through this.
Part of me feels guilty for dipping Hooch (the nic bitch uses guilt as a weapon), but I figure I just made an end run around the nic bitch.
Day 82 and nicotine free.
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MAY 26, 2010
Quitting has made me more reflective. Eighty something days in, I have been thinking about what it means to be quit forever. Sure, I post roll daily and that means I am quit for today.
I quit dipping on or about February 21, 2005, and I joined Matt van WyckÂ’s original site. I posted for more than six months, and then I stopped. About six months after that, I resumed dipping. I was at about Day 400 or so. I chose to dip again in 2006 thinking it would help me through a sad and trying time in my life. It did not change a thing.
I remember thinking during late 2005 and early 2006 about having this “beat”. Yet, like many people who have several hundred days of nicotine free living in the bag, I was feeling craves and still feeling the fog.
I vividly remember the day I caved saying to myself I am screwed, the cravings will never go away if they are not gone at day 400, and my lot in life was to dip, damn the consequences.
Getting from March 1 to May 26 was challenging. But the real challenge for me is going to be a year or two from now when I hit a funk or have a craving. For me, I have had to make a fundamental change in the way I think about this and approach my nicotine free life.
1. I am an addict. For 22 years, I used a poisonous chemical compound to medicate myself for some reason. My body chemistry has permanently changed. That means I cannot ever use this chemical again, and that means that I should expect cravings to some extent (more likely than not decreasing in intensity as time passes) for the rest of my life.
2. For now and the foreseeable future, I need to be involved with a group of like minded individuals.
3. I need to resolve daily not to use nicotine.
4. I must control my thoughts and at all costs avoid dangerous thinking (i.e., what would “one dip” be like?)
5. This one works for me, but it may not for others. I need to quit focusing on days quit and instead, just focus on the here and now. I will not use nicotine today and have been nicotine free since March 1, 2010.
And for those reading who have hit day 70, 80, or 90 and have hit a wall of funk and fog? Number one, that is normal and number two, it goes away.
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Good shit, Allec. I relate to every word you wrote.
You're a model quitter. You got it.
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Allec, your post just gave me wood. I'm not talking balsa either. I'm talking teac, mahogony, oak, rosewood, bubinga, wenge, all the exotics. Hells yeah broseph.
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JUNE 9, 2010
I hit the hall yesterday, which is an important milestone of 100 days here at QSX.
What does it mean? It is just another day. It does not matter that I am 101 days quit. It does not matter that I made 400 days quit a few years ago. It does not matter that, once I build a long succession of +1s, that I will be at 1,000 days or, if I live long enough, 20,000 days (which would make me 96 years old).
The only thing that matters is that I do not reintroduce nicotine into my body in any way, shape, or form today. Tomorrow is a different day, and although it is a different day, it is not my intention to introduce nicotine into my body in any way, shape, or form tomorrow. But I will crystallize that intention in the form of a promise to myself and to you tomorrow, not today.
My (now latent, inactive, but still existing) addiction to nicotine is on a parallel path to my life. On the one hand, I work, spend time with my family, and have triumphs and tragedies like all of us. On the other hand, I still have cravings for nicotine, am still dealing with the mental effects of withdrawal, and will be dealing them for some time.
Question - will satisfying that crave with just one change anything for the better on the parallel path of my life consisting of family time, work, triumphs and tragedies?
Answer - no.
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JUNE 9, 2010
I hit the hall yesterday, which is an important milestone of 100 days here at QSX.
What does it mean? It is just another day. It does not matter that I am 101 days quit. It does not matter that I made 400 days quit a few years ago. It does not matter that, once I build a long succession of +1s, that I will be at 1,000 days or, if I live long enough, 20,000 days (which would make me 96 years old).
The only thing that matters is that I do not reintroduce nicotine into my body in any way, shape, or form today. Tomorrow is a different day, and although it is a different day, it is not my intention to introduce nicotine into my body in any way, shape, or form tomorrow. But I will crystallize that intention in the form of a promise to myself and to you tomorrow, not today.
My (now latent, inactive, but still existing) addiction to nicotine is on a parallel path to my life. On the one hand, I work, spend time with my family, and have triumphs and tragedies like all of us. On the other hand, I still have cravings for nicotine, am still dealing with the mental effects of withdrawal, and will be dealing them for some time.
Question - will satisfying that crave with just one change anything for the better on the parallel path of my life consisting of family time, work, triumphs and tragedies?
Answer - no.
Very well articulated, concise take on and plan for continued quititude beyond the hall, bro. Duly noted and soon to be mimicked.
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JUNE 17, 2010
For the past couple of days, I have woken up and have not thought about dip. I have not had any cravings. I have just been living a good, clean, nicotine free life. What I have felt is what we all are working for. I don't even have much fog.
Then it occurs to me a few hours after waking up that I need to post roll. I have also had (what I consider to be dangerous) thoughts about blowing off posting roll. That is a big no no for me. Maybe some day I will be able to manage my addiction (by lifetime abstinence, one day at a time) with little effort and care, but not anytime soon.
Having made it this far and further before years ago on the initial iteration of QS, I know what getting away from the site can lead to. I have seen it here, and I have experienced it myself. Here is what goes down, and No 1 through 4 below probably happen between week 15 (100 days) and week 155 (three years). No 5 below is the real crapshoot.
1. A long streak of days without craves begins. Life is great. The quitter begins to question whether he needs QSX, decides not to post roll and quits the site.
2. Craves come and go. By now, the quitter has enough muscle memory to deal with minor craves without help or much thought.
3. A particularly nasty funk entails (they come and go for years, but decreasing in frequency). Maybe the quitter has enough tools in his head to get through it, maybe not.
4. The thought of "just one" is going to occur at some point. A moment of truth and a "Profiles in Courage" moment will occur. It's simply a question of when. It's much easier to FAIL if no one is watching.
5. If the wrong decision was made in No. 4, the former quitter will quit again. Maybe because of his own free will like I did, maybe because of a health scare, maybe because of a health crisis, or maybe because the former quitter died from his decision to have "just one". But everyone quits eventually; it is just a question of under what terms and conditions.
Oh, and if you do come back, you get to have that awkward conversation about what led to the cave, what we can all learn from you, are you going to really grow a pair this time, what is different, what is your damn plan, why did you not call, etc.
I am not belittling this ritual we do here for prodigal sons, because we are about doing this right ONCE, but it's a lot damn easier to keep the pair you have than it is to go back to day one and grow a new pair.
Keep posting roll and stick around - because the only difference between Day 100 or 400 or 1,000 and Day 1 is one stupid decision.
Had I been posting roll at the old QS before it closed down, I doubt I would have caved in 2006. The fact of the matter is that I am an addict for life. There will come a point where being quit is so much a part of me that I can deal with any crave, funk, or other curveball the nic bitch throws at me without a second thought or support from any other person.
I do not know when that might be. I am not there yet. So I'll post up my +1, none today, none since Feb 2010 promise tomorrow, and I anticpiate doing so for a long, long time.
It's a lot easier to manage an addiction with some help than it is going it alone. And the best thing about QSX? It's free, it's easy, and it works 100 percent of the time if you play by the rules. All that is asked for is your daily promise and a willingness to help a brother out from time to time.
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GREAT POST!!!
Every single cave I have seen in my 230 days here has that common thread in it. I left the site... blah, blah.
Newbies pay attention... 100 is not a cure. Keep posting
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JUNE 17, 2010
For the past couple of days, I have woken up and have not thought about dip. I have not had any cravings. I have just been living a good, clean, nicotine free life. What I have felt is what we all are working for. I don't even have much fog.
Then it occurs to me a few hours after waking up that I need to post roll. I have also had (what I consider to be dangerous) thoughts about blowing off posting roll. That is a big no no for me. Maybe some day I will be able to manage my addiction (by lifetime abstinence, one day at a time) with little effort and care, but not anytime soon.
Having made it this far and further before years ago on the initial iteration of QS, I know what getting away from the site can lead to. I have seen it here, and I have experienced it myself. Here is what goes down, and No 1 through 4 below probably happen between week 15 (100 days) and week 155 (three years). No 5 below is the real crapshoot.
1. A long streak of days without craves begins. Life is great. The quitter begins to question whether he needs QSX, decides not to post roll and quits the site.
2. Craves come and go. By now, the quitter has enough muscle memory to deal with minor craves without help or much thought.
3. A particularly nasty funk entails (they come and go for years, but decreasing in frequency). Maybe the quitter has enough tools in his head to get through it, maybe not.
4. The thought of "just one" is going to occur at some point. A moment of truth and a "Profiles in Courage" moment will occur. It's simply a question of when. It's much easier to FAIL if no one is watching.
5. If the wrong decision was made in No. 4, the former quitter will quit again. Maybe because of his own free will like I did, maybe because of a health scare, maybe because of a health crisis, or maybe because the former quitter died from his decision to have "just one". But everyone quits eventually; it is just a question of under what terms and conditions.
Oh, and if you do come back, you get to have that awkward conversation about what led to the cave, what we can all learn from you, are you going to really grow a pair this time, what is different, what is your damn plan, why did you not call, etc.
I am not belittling this ritual we do here for prodigal sons, because we are about doing this right ONCE, but it's a lot damn easier to keep the pair you have than it is to go back to day one and grow a new pair.
Keep posting roll and stick around - because the only difference between Day 100 or 400 or 1,000 and Day 1 is one stupid decision.
Had I been posting roll at the old QS before it closed down, I doubt I would have caved in 2006. The fact of the matter is that I am an addict for life. There will come a point where being quit is so much a part of me that I can deal with any crave, funk, or other curveball the nic bitch throws at me without a second thought or support from any other person.
I do not know when that might be. I am not there yet. So I'll post up my +1, none today, none since Feb 2010 promise tomorrow, and I anticpiate doing so for a long, long time.
It's a lot easier to manage an addiction with some help than it is going it alone. And the best thing about QSX? It's free, it's easy, and it works 100 percent of the time if you play by the rules. All that is asked for is your daily promise and a willingness to help a brother out from time to time.
That right there is a fine post allec.
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Quit or quit not. There is no try or hope. Quit or quit not, day by day, hour by hour, or minute by minute if need be. It all boils down to a long series of the same question that has a yes or no answer- will you dip? Answer the question NO every time and you are done.
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Quit or quit not. There is no try or hope. Quit or quit not, day by day, hour by hour, or minute by minute if need be. It all boils down to a long series of the same question that has a yes or no answer- will you dip? Answer the question NO every time and you are done.
Brilliant !!
Simple.... Effective.
'clap'
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Quit or quit not. There is no try or hope. Quit or quit not, day by day, hour by hour, or minute by minute if need be. It all boils down to a long series of the same question that has a yes or no answer- will you dip? Answer the question NO every time and you are done.
Brilliant !!
Simple.... Effective.
'clap'
There are some days when the nic bitch is like the old lady, asking the same question over and over and over.
Nagging.
Today is one of those days.
And the answer is NO. None for me today.
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JUNE 27, 2010
Need a reminder of what dipping was like? Not the pleasant part, if there were one, but the jacked up, elevated pulse, gums in pain part?
I had sinus surgery three four days ago in hopes of relieving some long standing issues. It is too early to say if it was successful, but I am in a lot of pain and am very uncomfortable. It reminds me of being sick and dipping. Why anyone would be sick and want to dip is beyond me, but remember, we are all addicts so our behavior follows.
Even worse, I can hardly open my mouth, cannot really chew on solid food, and my gums are killing me. I have subsisted on soup, jello, and yogurt and might be for another week.
Maybe I just had a short preview into what oral cancer surgery would be like for me. Username Outdoortexan on this board went through that experience, and from reading his page, it looks like it is horrible.
I can tell you unequivocally that if sinus surgery is anything like oral cancer surgery, any thoughts I might ever entertain of "just one" are gone. Believe me, you do not want any part of this.
Allec, at Day 119, and resolutely quit.
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JUNE 28, 2010
And if you need a reminder of how powerful an addiction we are dealing with, read the post before this one and this one.
I have 120 days in the bank. This morning, I had splints and packing removed from my nose as part of the recovery from my sinus surgery. Guess what the first thing I thought of walking out of the doctor's office was?
A dip.
I could not bleeping believe it - a crave when I just went through the most horrible medical experience of my life.
Of course, I had already given my word today caving was not an option, the crave passed, and I have some phone numbers of my friends on this board had the crave been particularly bad.
I think we have all had moments, mainly after dental visits, where we packed one in since we are all clear. I have come too far and long to fall for that one again.
Here is one lesson in all of this. It is simply a decision to stay quit - the same question, sometimes out of nowhere, (Do I want a dip?) answered the same way (No) time after time.
Here is the more haunting lesson - if you think dipping is just a nasty habit rather than one of the most addictive drug delivery systems ever created, think again. Why would I, after 17 weeks of being quit and four days of post-surgical hell, crave a poison I have worked my ass off to be free of?
A successful quit requires respect and fear for the magnitude of the addiction, anger, motivation, and the simple ability to say No repeatedly. It requires balls to the wall focus for awhile, and it involves sacrifices.
Although one should not underestimate the power of our addiction, one should also not underestimate our power to overcome it, should we choose to approach this properly, respect it for what it is, and use every tool at our disposal to fight it day by day.
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JUNE 30, 2010
And tomorrow, the real work begins.
QSX/KTC is great. Number 1, it is free. Number 2, provided one follows the rules and does the work, it is 100 percent guaranteed to work.
We join KTC, usually early in our quit, and learn the art of posting roll. Our quit groups are "stickied" in an easy to find place at the top of the list of forums. Veteran quitters support us and spend time in our forum, showing us the ropes or popping us in the jaw when needed. And, through sheer force of will and the kindness of others, we add days.
Matt van Wyk, the inventor of the concept that ultimately morphed into KTC, designated 100 days as an important milestone. Really for the entire month in which 100 days falls, we collectively celebrate as a group. Hell, we even get to ride a train. I like trains. The outreach is tremendous, all from a bunch of people we do not know in "real life."
And then June comes to a close. Our group is no longer stickied, and here is where I think it gets interesting. If we want to stay active in our group, and I know I do, then we have to work to find it. There is less activity in the more mature groups. People slow down or stop posting. The optimist in me believes that many just move on with their lives, having successfully broken the chains of addiction. The realist in me sadly suspects that a fair number who leave early cave.
I am not suggesting that QSX/KTC is like the Hotel California - where you can check out, but never leave. However, during my 17 weeks here, I have observed a few people returning for another go around, usually starting out with "I got away from the site too early."
There are a tremendous amount of resources and wisdom accumulated here to help people get to 100 days. What is harder to find, and more haphazard, is what happpens after 100 days.
My mission, over the foreseeable future, is to collect my thoughts post-100 days and document over many hundreds of days my quit. I have made it to around 405 days before, and so I can tell you that the cravings were not gone at that point. Obviously, I did not successfully navigate life without nicotine past a year the last time.
Here, or on another thread somewhere on this site, I plan to document cravings, funks, and observations about life without nicotine as my quit day becomes more distant.
Here is my quit so far in a nutshell:
Days 1-60 - Fog, depressed, intermittent bouts of rage and generally without much focus. Funks at two weeks, one in my 30s, and a long one in my 50s and 60s. Holding on for dear life. If antidepressants worked on me, this would have been a good time to have some around.
Days 60-80 - Fog, NOT depressed, intermittent bouts of rage and slowly regaining focus. A funk or two in there. Beginning to reconcile myself with the concept of never again and shutting the door, but also found myself not giving a shit from time to time. Still holding on for dear life.
Days 80 - 100 - Fog, NOT depressed, not as angry and regaining more focus. Funks lasting less than two days. Still holding on for dear life.
Days 100 - 122 - Fog, pretty relaxed and regaining more focus. Major craves, lasting less than a day punctuating long periods of no desires or craves. Still feel like I do not have this under control overall, but when breaking it down into a day or hours, I am fine.
My fog will lift at some point, and my focus will return to full strength. I do not know when, but I dipped for a long time and I am patient.
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I like what you're doing and writing here allec. Reading your words is helping me out so I appreciate you sharing them.
Lochi21 - 133
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JULY 4, 2010
I had a bad craving today and I also happened to need to go to Wal Mart. Cool - two birds, one stone - I can pick up some fake.
I had a "Profiles in Courage" moment in the check out aisle. Could not find the Smokey Mountain, but I did see the wall of dip staring back at me. Stare it did.
Moment of truth time....
I had to walk out of there. Having some fake was not as important as preserving my quit.
The lesson is even four months in, which is not a long time, that sometimes you still have to walk away from triggers. Maybe the lesson as well is that I need to mail order my fake if I am going to use it.
Oh, and the crave is gone.
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JULY 4, 2010
I had a bad craving today and I also happened to need to go to Wal Mart. Cool - two birds, one stone - I can pick up some fake.
I had a "Profiles in Courage" moment in the check out aisle. Could not find the Smokey Mountain, but I did see the wall of dip staring back at me. Stare it did.
Moment of truth time....
I had to walk out of there. Having some fake was not as important as preserving my quit.
The lesson is even four months in, which is not a long time, that sometimes you still have to walk away from triggers. Maybe the lesson as well is that I need to mail order my fake if I am going to use it.
Oh, and the crave is gone.
Yes, You must fight for your freedom. Enjoy the day Sir.
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Killthecan.org is free and easy to use. Besides posting roll and keeping oneÂ’s word, there are four basic rules for continued use.
1.IP masking is immediate grounds for expulsion. Administrators can track IP address and if they change from one side of the country to the other...you are gone...period.
2.Multiple aliases will not be tolerated. Violators will be banned immediately.
3.Administrators can and will ban domain names and IP addresses used for spam.
4.The QSX Forums are for quitters age 18 and above.
I joined this site on March 1, 2010, under the name Texas. I decided wrongly after 13 posts to nuke Texas in early March and post as Allec. There was no cave, but if I gave my reasons for the change, it would be insincere. One of the board administrators, since retired, called me on it, and the decision was made in early March to disable Texas and I would post as Allec. I believe Texas is shown as a Troubled Member, and I do not believe I could even log in as such.
I now know my decision was wrong, and I will be paying for it.
I received a message today from the Admin Team –
It has come to our attention that you are currently utilizing more than one member name in your quest to quit. One of the premises upon which this site has been established is both support and accountability. Multiple user names make it easy to violate the trust that is both a sacred and vital part of a successful quit. We will be disabling any subsequent member names after your initial sign-up date in the next 24 hours.
I then read the board guidelines above for the first time this morning.
Irrespective of the grace of an earlier administrative decision, I am in violation of the rules and I am assuming I will be banned in the next day or so. Before my ban takes effect, I have some unfinished business.
1. I apologize to June and everyone on this board for violating your trust, grace and failing to be fully accountable.
2. I alone am responsible for my actions.
3. The consequence of my ill thought decision in March is that I will no longer have the luxury of the support of hundreds of like minded quitters on this board since I cannot be trusted and violated the rules of this board.
4. My quit just became 100 times harder, but I am reaping what I sowed.
5. I am not really sure what sort of penance or restitution I can offer the community. The fact is, I was disingenuous, lied and I have taken much more from this community than I will ever be able to repay.
Your humble servant,
Charles Allen
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Killthecan.org is free and easy to use. Besides posting roll and keeping oneÂ’s word, there are four basic rules for continued use.
1.IP masking is immediate grounds for expulsion. Administrators can track IP address and if they change from one side of the country to the other...you are gone...period.
2.Multiple aliases will not be tolerated. Violators will be banned immediately.
3.Administrators can and will ban domain names and IP addresses used for spam.
4.The QSX Forums are for quitters age 18 and above.
I joined this site on March 1, 2010, under the name Texas. I decided wrongly after 13 posts to nuke Texas in early March and post as Allec. There was no cave, but if I gave my reasons for the change, it would be insincere. One of the board administrators, since retired, called me on it, and the decision was made in early March to disable Texas and I would post as Allec. I believe Texas is shown as a Troubled Member, and I do not believe I could even log in as such.
I now know my decision was wrong, and I will be paying for it.
I received a message today from the Admin Team –
It has come to our attention that you are currently utilizing more than one member name in your quest to quit. One of the premises upon which this site has been established is both support and accountability. Multiple user names make it easy to violate the trust that is both a sacred and vital part of a successful quit. We will be disabling any subsequent member names after your initial sign-up date in the next 24 hours.
I then read the board guidelines above for the first time this morning.
Irrespective of the grace of an earlier administrative decision, I am in violation of the rules and I am assuming I will be banned in the next day or so. Before my ban takes effect, I have some unfinished business.
1. I apologize to June and everyone on this board for violating your trust, grace and failing to be fully accountable.
2. I alone am responsible for my actions.
3. The consequence of my ill thought decision in March is that I will no longer have the luxury of the support of hundreds of like minded quitters on this board since I cannot be trusted and violated the rules of this board.
4. My quit just became 100 times harder, but I am reaping what I sowed.
5. I am not really sure what sort of penance or restitution I can offer the community. The fact is, I was disingenuous, lied and I have taken much more from this community than I will ever be able to repay.
Your humble servant,
Charles Allen
Bro,
Work with the admins to get this fixed ASAP. Get back to posting. See you in June 2010.
-Clampy
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JULY 8, 2010
1. Posting problem addressed and solved.
2. Benefit of quitting. Cholesterol on March 3, 2010, which was Day 3 - 215. Cholesterol on July 1, 2010, which was Day 122 - 162. For those of us bad at math, that is a 53 point drop or about 25 percent.
No wonder they say this junk causes heart disease.
3. Benefit of KTC - the longer you stick around, the more rewarding and affirming it is for your quit. Besides nuking my cholesterol, the simple act of quitting dip has led to all sorts of positive changes in my life - physically and emotionally.
Have a nice day and eat quit.
Charley Allen
-
JULY 8, 2010
1. Posting problem addressed and solved.
2. Benefit of quitting. Cholesterol on March 3, 2010, which was Day 3 - 215. Cholesterol on July 1, 2010, which was Day 122 - 162. For those of us bad at math, that is a 53 point drop or about 25 percent.
No wonder they say this junk causes heart disease.
3. Benefit of KTC - the longer you stick around, the more rewarding and affirming it is for your quit. Besides nuking my cholesterol, the simple act of quitting dip has led to all sorts of positive changes in my life - physically and emotionally.
Have a nice day and eat quit.
Charley Allen
Allec,
I too am kicking my cholesterol in the ass, my BP is dropping, I work out 6 days a week and feel better than I have in a LONG time. I look in the mirror each morning and like who I am becoming. QUITTING ROCKS !!!
-
JULY 27, 2010. Day 149
The only difference between me, a relative newbie less than half a year of nicotine free living, and a new quitter or someone who was here awhile back and is now posting a day one for the second time is......one stupid decision.
That's right - all it takes is one dip, and the whole cycle starts over.
It's a lot easier to stay quit than it is to quit.
I have hit a rough spot in my quit. This will pass, and the act of posting here is going to help it pass. If that does not help entirely, I will make some calls, and I always have the option of ordering some hooch. There are some other things that would need to happen before I could have a dip. Basically, there are numerous (bascially insurmountable) obstacles between me and a dip, and purposely so.
Whether or not you like everything QSX has to offer, the act of making a daily promise here to a group of like minded men and women is powerful. The daily accountability and support makes all the difference.
At the end of the day, the only thing between me now and the three can a week dipper I was is just one stupid decision. And to think I spent $800 per year on it!
-
July 28, 2010 - DAY 150
I have been here for more than 21 weeks; a little bit less than half a year.
I do not have any quit wisdom to share with you on Day 150, but I will share with you how I make this crazy and insane home in KTC we have work for me. You may not like everything here, and you can make this work for you even if a part of the community offends you.
Before you read on and think I am complaining, I am not. I am simply sharing how I manage things for me. KTC is free and it works. I take much more from here than I can give, and as a result, I am quit.
Quite simply, none of us would send our mothers here. Some are offended by questionable images, some are offended by innuendo, and some by the rough treatment and tough love we hand out. Here is how I deal with it.
1. Images - do not click on anything questionable.
2. Avatars and images - go to my controls up on the top right, go to board settings under options on the bottom left, and click on board settings. You will see a series of questions. Click NO on the following questions:
Do you wish to view images in posts, such as smilies and posted images?
Do you wish to view members avatars when reading topics?
Click on Change my Account Options to save.
3. Interaction with others - treat others as you wish to be treated, post roll, keep your word, and you're good to go.
4. Personal attacks - ignore the attack but answer the question
5. If worse comes to worse, you can always text your roll into a friend on the board for awhile without logging in.
6. Although there is a lot of wisdom here, one can make a choice not to read something offensive.
The odds of staying quit are much, much higher with a support group. If you don't like KTC, there are ways to manage around and filter what does not work for you. Those are my ideas above
Despite the craziness and chaos of our community, being associated with the men and women here has been richly rewarding for me.
Charley Allen
-
July 28, 2010 - DAY 150
I have been here for more than 21 weeks; a little bit less than half a year.
I do not have any quit wisdom to share with you on Day 150, but I will share with you how I make this crazy and insane home in KTC we have work for me. You may not like everything here, and you can make this work for you even if a part of the community offends you.
Before you read on and think I am complaining, I am not. I am simply sharing how I manage things for me. KTC is free and it works. I take much more from here than I can give, and as a result, I am quit.
Quite simply, none of us would send our mothers here. Some are offended by questionable images, some are offended by innuendo, and some by the rough treatment and tough love we hand out. Here is how I deal with it.
1. Images - do not click on anything questionable.
2. Avatars and images - go to my controls up on the top right, go to board settings under options on the bottom left, and click on board settings. You will see a series of questions. Click NO on the following questions:
Do you wish to view images in posts, such as smilies and posted images?
Do you wish to view members avatars when reading topics?
Click on Change my Account Options to save.
3. Interaction with others - treat others as you wish to be treated, post roll, keep your word, and you're good to go.
4. Personal attacks - ignore the attack but answer the question
5. If worse comes to worse, you can always text your roll into a friend on the board for awhile without logging in.
6. Although there is a lot of wisdom here, one can make a choice not to read something offensive.
The odds of staying quit are much, much higher with a support group. If you don't like KTC, there are ways to manage around and filter what does not work for you. Those are my ideas above
Despite the craziness and chaos of our community, being associated with the men and women here has been richly rewarding for me.
Charley Allen
Sounds like some damn fine quit wisdom to me.
-
July 28, 2010 - DAY 150
I have been here for more than 21 weeks; a little bit less than half a year.
I do not have any quit wisdom to share with you on Day 150, but I will share with you how I make this crazy and insane home in KTC we have work for me. You may not like everything here, and you can make this work for you even if a part of the community offends you.
Before you read on and think I am complaining, I am not. I am simply sharing how I manage things for me. KTC is free and it works. I take much more from here than I can give, and as a result, I am quit.
Quite simply, none of us would send our mothers here. Some are offended by questionable images, some are offended by innuendo, and some by the rough treatment and tough love we hand out. Here is how I deal with it.
1. Images - do not click on anything questionable.
2. Avatars and images - go to my controls up on the top right, go to board settings under options on the bottom left, and click on board settings. You will see a series of questions. Click NO on the following questions:
Do you wish to view images in posts, such as smilies and posted images?
Do you wish to view members avatars when reading topics?
Click on Change my Account Options to save.
3. Interaction with others - treat others as you wish to be treated, post roll, keep your word, and you're good to go.
4. Personal attacks - ignore the attack but answer the question
5. If worse comes to worse, you can always text your roll into a friend on the board for awhile without logging in.
6. Although there is a lot of wisdom here, one can make a choice not to read something offensive.
The odds of staying quit are much, much higher with a support group. If you don't like KTC, there are ways to manage around and filter what does not work for you. Those are my ideas above
Despite the craziness and chaos of our community, being associated with the men and women here has been richly rewarding for me.
Charley Allen
Sounds like some damn fine quit wisdom to me.
I look at it more as management. People use the excesses of this site as an excuse to leave. Below is the ways and means to turn off those excesses and participate.
-
July 28, 2010 - DAY 150
I have been here for more than 21 weeks; a little bit less than half a year.
I do not have any quit wisdom to share with you on Day 150, but I will share with you how I make this crazy and insane home in KTC we have work for me. You may not like everything here, and you can make this work for you even if a part of the community offends you.
Before you read on and think I am complaining, I am not. I am simply sharing how I manage things for me. KTC is free and it works. I take much more from here than I can give, and as a result, I am quit.
Quite simply, none of us would send our mothers here. Some are offended by questionable images, some are offended by innuendo, and some by the rough treatment and tough love we hand out. Here is how I deal with it.
1. Images - do not click on anything questionable.
2. Avatars and images - go to my controls up on the top right, go to board settings under options on the bottom left, and click on board settings. You will see a series of questions. Click NO on the following questions:
Do you wish to view images in posts, such as smilies and posted images?
Do you wish to view members avatars when reading topics?
Click on Change my Account Options to save.
3. Interaction with others - treat others as you wish to be treated, post roll, keep your word, and you're good to go.
4. Personal attacks - ignore the attack but answer the question
5. If worse comes to worse, you can always text your roll into a friend on the board for awhile without logging in.
6. Although there is a lot of wisdom here, one can make a choice not to read something offensive.
The odds of staying quit are much, much higher with a support group. If you don't like KTC, there are ways to manage around and filter what does not work for you. Those are my ideas above
Despite the craziness and chaos of our community, being associated with the men and women here has been richly rewarding for me.
Charley Allen
Sounds like some damn fine quit wisdom to me.
I look at it more as management. People use the excesses of this site as an excuse to leave. Below is the ways and means to turn off those excesses and participate.
Solid advice right here. I say it often. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Allec... good shit !!
-
July 29, 2010 - DAY 152
When someone has been here awhile ( 100 days) and updates their introduction page frequently, it is a pretty good sign that there is a funk going on. I am going through a funk, but the tools and support of this site help me get through it. Writing about my quit and related items are helpful. I am confident I will come out of this funk the same way I came in - quit. And I do it one day at a time.
One of the things that scares me that is totally out of my control is my risk of health problems down the road from my two decades of dipping. The risk of heart disease, the biggest killer of nicotine users, decreases over a relatively short period of time. My cholesterol is way down, and I am taking serious steps to lose 20 lbs I have gained over the past year pre (15 lbs) and post (5 lbs) quit.
However, the risk of head and neck cancers decreases at a slower rate - maybe 15 years to reduce risk to that of a non-user.
I read a story today over in the words of wisdom about a non-tobacco using teetotaler who has about 2 - 12 months left because of oral cancer. That story haunts me.
I ask myself if I will "lose" the cancer lottery we all entered when we started dipping. The odds are I won't have a "losing" number, and my odds certainly won't increase by staying quit. But at the back of my mind is always the question - did my two decade dipping habit plant the seeds for my early death?
Our lives are the sum of the little decisions we have made over time. All of these decisions we can control. I know I made the right decision to quit, and I can only hope and pray that my decision decades ago to begin dipping does not cause any more damage than it already has.
Charley
-
July 29, 2010 - DAY 152
When someone has been here awhile ( 100 days) and updates their introduction page frequently, it is a pretty good sign that there is a funk going on. I am going through a funk, but the tools and support of this site help me get through it. Writing about my quit and related items are helpful. I am confident I will come out of this funk the same way I came in - quit. And I do it one day at a time.
One of the things that scares me that is totally out of my control is my risk of health problems down the road from my two decades of dipping. The risk of heart disease, the biggest killer of nicotine users, decreases over a relatively short period of time. My cholesterol is way down, and I am taking serious steps to lose 20 lbs I have gained over the past year pre (15 lbs) and post (5 lbs) quit.
However, the risk of head and neck cancers decreases at a slower rate - maybe 15 years to reduce risk to that of a non-user.
I read a story today over in the words of wisdom about a non-tobacco using teetotaler who has about 2 - 12 months left because of oral cancer. That story haunts me.
I ask myself if I will "lose" the cancer lottery we all entered when we started dipping. The odds are I won't have a "losing" number, and my odds certainly won't increase by staying quit. But at the back of my mind is always the question - did my two decade dipping habit plant the seeds for my early death?
Our lives are the sum of the little decisions we have made over time. All of these decisions we can control. I know I made the right decision to quit, and I can only hope and pray that my decision decades ago to begin dipping does not cause any more damage than it already has.
Charley
Hi Allec,
Just caught this and wanted to tell you to hang in there and let us June brothers know if we can help.
I break it down to this:
You can't do anything about the past and now that you are quit, you will definitely and absolutely not do any further damage provided you stay quit.
If you cave and put another dip in your mouth, that single dip MAY WELL BE THE TRIGGER TO CANCER that did not the moment before you put it in your mouth.
Remember the story of news anchor, Peter Jennings. He quit smoking for 30 years. Was screened for cancer every year after that and was clean. On September 11, 2001, he got stressed and broke his 30 year quit and started smoking again. In March, 2005, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. On August 10, 2005, he was dead from lung cancer.
Moral of the story, DON'T CAVE.
We are all here for you bro...use your tools.
-
July 29, 2010 - DAY 152
When someone has been here awhile ( 100 days) and updates their introduction page frequently, it is a pretty good sign that there is a funk going on. I am going through a funk, but the tools and support of this site help me get through it. Writing about my quit and related items are helpful. I am confident I will come out of this funk the same way I came in - quit. And I do it one day at a time.
One of the things that scares me that is totally out of my control is my risk of health problems down the road from my two decades of dipping. The risk of heart disease, the biggest killer of nicotine users, decreases over a relatively short period of time. My cholesterol is way down, and I am taking serious steps to lose 20 lbs I have gained over the past year pre (15 lbs) and post (5 lbs) quit.
However, the risk of head and neck cancers decreases at a slower rate - maybe 15 years to reduce risk to that of a non-user.
I read a story today over in the words of wisdom about a non-tobacco using teetotaler who has about 2 - 12 months left because of oral cancer. That story haunts me.
I ask myself if I will "lose" the cancer lottery we all entered when we started dipping. The odds are I won't have a "losing" number, and my odds certainly won't increase by staying quit. But at the back of my mind is always the question - did my two decade dipping habit plant the seeds for my early death?
Our lives are the sum of the little decisions we have made over time. All of these decisions we can control. I know I made the right decision to quit, and I can only hope and pray that my decision decades ago to begin dipping does not cause any more damage than it already has.
Charley
Hi Allec,
Just caught this and wanted to tell you to hang in there and let us June brothers know if we can help.
I break it down to this:
You can't do anything about the past and now that you are quit, you will definitely and absolutely not do any further damage provided you stay quit.
If you cave and put another dip in your mouth, that single dip MAY WELL BE THE TRIGGER TO CANCER that did not the moment before you put it in your mouth.
Remember the story of news anchor, Peter Jennings. He quit smoking for 30 years. Was screened for cancer every year after that and was clean. On September 11, 2001, he got stressed and broke his 30 year quit and started smoking again. In March, 2005, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. On August 10, 2005, he was dead from lung cancer.
Moral of the story, DON'T CAVE.
We are all here for you bro...use your tools.
Every one of us!!
Even us new guys are here for you, anything you need
-
July 29, 2010 - DAY 152
When someone has been here awhile ( 100 days) and updates their introduction page frequently, it is a pretty good sign that there is a funk going on. I am going through a funk, but the tools and support of this site help me get through it. Writing about my quit and related items are helpful. I am confident I will come out of this funk the same way I came in - quit. And I do it one day at a time.
One of the things that scares me that is totally out of my control is my risk of health problems down the road from my two decades of dipping. The risk of heart disease, the biggest killer of nicotine users, decreases over a relatively short period of time. My cholesterol is way down, and I am taking serious steps to lose 20 lbs I have gained over the past year pre (15 lbs) and post (5 lbs) quit.
However, the risk of head and neck cancers decreases at a slower rate - maybe 15 years to reduce risk to that of a non-user.
I read a story today over in the words of wisdom about a non-tobacco using teetotaler who has about 2 - 12 months left because of oral cancer. That story haunts me.
I ask myself if I will "lose" the cancer lottery we all entered when we started dipping. The odds are I won't have a "losing" number, and my odds certainly won't increase by staying quit. But at the back of my mind is always the question - did my two decade dipping habit plant the seeds for my early death?
Our lives are the sum of the little decisions we have made over time. All of these decisions we can control. I know I made the right decision to quit, and I can only hope and pray that my decision decades ago to begin dipping does not cause any more damage than it already has.
Charley
Hi Allec,
Just caught this and wanted to tell you to hang in there and let us June brothers know if we can help.
I break it down to this:
You can't do anything about the past and now that you are quit, you will definitely and absolutely not do any further damage provided you stay quit.
If you cave and put another dip in your mouth, that single dip MAY WELL BE THE TRIGGER TO CANCER that did not the moment before you put it in your mouth.
Remember the story of news anchor, Peter Jennings. He quit smoking for 30 years. Was screened for cancer every year after that and was clean. On September 11, 2001, he got stressed and broke his 30 year quit and started smoking again. In March, 2005, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. On August 10, 2005, he was dead from lung cancer.
Moral of the story, DON'T CAVE.
We are all here for you bro...use your tools.
Every one of us!!
Even us new guys are here for you, anything you need
Allec / Charley,
This is what I think about every day. My dad died of Cancer last year. My mom is dying of cancer today. Did I do enough damage to plant the seed? Will my kids watch cancer eat me alive like I watched it eat my parents?
I can't control that now. All I can control is my quit. I sure as Hell am not going to he taking any more risk any time soon.
Stay quit dude. I'm quit with you.
-
July 29, 2010 - DAY 152
When someone has been here awhile ( 100 days) and updates their introduction page frequently, it is a pretty good sign that there is a funk going on. I am going through a funk, but the tools and support of this site help me get through it. Writing about my quit and related items are helpful. I am confident I will come out of this funk the same way I came in - quit. And I do it one day at a time.
One of the things that scares me that is totally out of my control is my risk of health problems down the road from my two decades of dipping. The risk of heart disease, the biggest killer of nicotine users, decreases over a relatively short period of time. My cholesterol is way down, and I am taking serious steps to lose 20 lbs I have gained over the past year pre (15 lbs) and post (5 lbs) quit.
However, the risk of head and neck cancers decreases at a slower rate - maybe 15 years to reduce risk to that of a non-user.
I read a story today over in the words of wisdom about a non-tobacco using teetotaler who has about 2 - 12 months left because of oral cancer. That story haunts me.
I ask myself if I will "lose" the cancer lottery we all entered when we started dipping. The odds are I won't have a "losing" number, and my odds certainly won't increase by staying quit. But at the back of my mind is always the question - did my two decade dipping habit plant the seeds for my early death?
Our lives are the sum of the little decisions we have made over time. All of these decisions we can control. I know I made the right decision to quit, and I can only hope and pray that my decision decades ago to begin dipping does not cause any more damage than it already has.
Charley
Hi Allec,
Just caught this and wanted to tell you to hang in there and let us June brothers know if we can help.
I break it down to this:
You can't do anything about the past and now that you are quit, you will definitely and absolutely not do any further damage provided you stay quit.
If you cave and put another dip in your mouth, that single dip MAY WELL BE THE TRIGGER TO CANCER that did not the moment before you put it in your mouth.
Remember the story of news anchor, Peter Jennings. He quit smoking for 30 years. Was screened for cancer every year after that and was clean. On September 11, 2001, he got stressed and broke his 30 year quit and started smoking again. In March, 2005, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. On August 10, 2005, he was dead from lung cancer.
Moral of the story, DON'T CAVE.
We are all here for you bro...use your tools.
Every one of us!!
Even us new guys are here for you, anything you need
Allec / Charley,
This is what I think about every day. My dad died of Cancer last year. My mom is dying of cancer today. Did I do enough damage to plant the seed? Will my kids watch cancer eat me alive like I watched it eat my parents?
I can't control that now. All I can control is my quit. I sure as Hell am not going to he taking any more risk any time soon.
Stay quit dude. I'm quit with you.
Charley, you know we got your back. I'm quit with you whichever one of us is in a funk at any given time. Like you say in your post, you WILL come out of this funk, and you WILL still be quit. All of us who have gone into and come out of funks know how great that feels. Meanwhile, you are one of the most conscientious quitters on this site when it comes to staying quit with the tools we've gained here, no matter what is going on. I know you'll make it through this because you don't play games with the system that works. You post every day and you participate in our badass group.
Regarding the cancer issue, we'll all have that hanging over our heads for some time, but compared to the sheer insanity of adding to that risk by caving, it's something we can deal with. Worry and stress are killers too, so while it may be easier said than done sometimes, I'm trying to spend much less energy on worry and regret and much more energy living right today. Ultimately, that's all we can do. Regret is only good as lesson, and once that lesson is learned and applied, I'm doing my best to cut it loose.
Like Tabasco, Lost, NOLAQ and many other quitters here, I'm quit with you.
-
July 29, 2010 - DAY 152
When someone has been here awhile ( 100 days) and updates their introduction page frequently, it is a pretty good sign that there is a funk going on. I am going through a funk, but the tools and support of this site help me get through it. Writing about my quit and related items are helpful. I am confident I will come out of this funk the same way I came in - quit. And I do it one day at a time.
One of the things that scares me that is totally out of my control is my risk of health problems down the road from my two decades of dipping. The risk of heart disease, the biggest killer of nicotine users, decreases over a relatively short period of time. My cholesterol is way down, and I am taking serious steps to lose 20 lbs I have gained over the past year pre (15 lbs) and post (5 lbs) quit.
However, the risk of head and neck cancers decreases at a slower rate - maybe 15 years to reduce risk to that of a non-user.
I read a story today over in the words of wisdom about a non-tobacco using teetotaler who has about 2 - 12 months left because of oral cancer. That story haunts me.
I ask myself if I will "lose" the cancer lottery we all entered when we started dipping. The odds are I won't have a "losing" number, and my odds certainly won't increase by staying quit. But at the back of my mind is always the question - did my two decade dipping habit plant the seeds for my early death?
Our lives are the sum of the little decisions we have made over time. All of these decisions we can control. I know I made the right decision to quit, and I can only hope and pray that my decision decades ago to begin dipping does not cause any more damage than it already has.
Charley
Hi Allec,
Just caught this and wanted to tell you to hang in there and let us June brothers know if we can help.
I break it down to this:
You can't do anything about the past and now that you are quit, you will definitely and absolutely not do any further damage provided you stay quit.
If you cave and put another dip in your mouth, that single dip MAY WELL BE THE TRIGGER TO CANCER that did not the moment before you put it in your mouth.
Remember the story of news anchor, Peter Jennings. He quit smoking for 30 years. Was screened for cancer every year after that and was clean. On September 11, 2001, he got stressed and broke his 30 year quit and started smoking again. In March, 2005, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. On August 10, 2005, he was dead from lung cancer.
Moral of the story, DON'T CAVE.
We are all here for you bro...use your tools.
Every one of us!!
Even us new guys are here for you, anything you need
Allec / Charley,
This is what I think about every day. My dad died of Cancer last year. My mom is dying of cancer today. Did I do enough damage to plant the seed? Will my kids watch cancer eat me alive like I watched it eat my parents?
I can't control that now. All I can control is my quit. I sure as Hell am not going to he taking any more risk any time soon.
Stay quit dude. I'm quit with you.
Charley, you know we got your back. I'm quit with you whichever one of us is in a funk at any given time. Like you say in your post, you WILL come out of this funk, and you WILL still be quit. All of us who have gone into and come out of funks know how great that feels. Meanwhile, you are one of the most conscientious quitters on this site when it comes to staying quit with the tools we've gained here, no matter what is going on. I know you'll make it through this because you don't play games with the system that works. You post every day and you participate in our badass group.
Regarding the cancer issue, we'll all have that hanging over our heads for some time, but compared to the sheer insanity of adding to that risk by caving, it's something we can deal with. Worry and stress are killers too, so while it may be easier said than done sometimes, I'm trying to spend much less energy on worry and regret and much more energy living right today. Ultimately, that's all we can do. Regret is only good as lesson, and once that lesson is learned and applied, I'm doing my best to cut it loose.
Like Tabasco, Lost, NOLAQ and many other quitters here, I'm quit with you.
Allec,
I have the same fears, I think we all do. I read the same story and it scared the shit outta me. Every time I hear about someone getting cancer I worry for a time if that will be me. The good news is I worry much less today than I did at 150, and I am hoping as time passes I will continue to worry less.
It has already been said but there is nothing we can do about our choices we made when we were young. I choose each day to remain quit, I work out now, I spend time with my family, I am a better person quit !!
Wake up each day and stay quit. Go to the doc and get checked each year. Enjoy your family and your life....
STAY QUIT
-
July 29, 2010 - DAY 152
When someone has been here awhile ( 100 days) and updates their introduction page frequently, it is a pretty good sign that there is a funk going on. I am going through a funk, but the tools and support of this site help me get through it. Writing about my quit and related items are helpful. I am confident I will come out of this funk the same way I came in - quit. And I do it one day at a time.
One of the things that scares me that is totally out of my control is my risk of health problems down the road from my two decades of dipping. The risk of heart disease, the biggest killer of nicotine users, decreases over a relatively short period of time. My cholesterol is way down, and I am taking serious steps to lose 20 lbs I have gained over the past year pre (15 lbs) and post (5 lbs) quit.
However, the risk of head and neck cancers decreases at a slower rate - maybe 15 years to reduce risk to that of a non-user.
I read a story today over in the words of wisdom about a non-tobacco using teetotaler who has about 2 - 12 months left because of oral cancer. That story haunts me.
I ask myself if I will "lose" the cancer lottery we all entered when we started dipping. The odds are I won't have a "losing" number, and my odds certainly won't increase by staying quit. But at the back of my mind is always the question - did my two decade dipping habit plant the seeds for my early death?
Our lives are the sum of the little decisions we have made over time. All of these decisions we can control. I know I made the right decision to quit, and I can only hope and pray that my decision decades ago to begin dipping does not cause any more damage than it already has.
Charley
Hi Allec,
Just caught this and wanted to tell you to hang in there and let us June brothers know if we can help.
I break it down to this:
You can't do anything about the past and now that you are quit, you will definitely and absolutely not do any further damage provided you stay quit.
If you cave and put another dip in your mouth, that single dip MAY WELL BE THE TRIGGER TO CANCER that did not the moment before you put it in your mouth.
Remember the story of news anchor, Peter Jennings. He quit smoking for 30 years. Was screened for cancer every year after that and was clean. On September 11, 2001, he got stressed and broke his 30 year quit and started smoking again. In March, 2005, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. On August 10, 2005, he was dead from lung cancer.
Moral of the story, DON'T CAVE.
We are all here for you bro...use your tools.
Every one of us!!
Even us new guys are here for you, anything you need
Allec / Charley,
This is what I think about every day. My dad died of Cancer last year. My mom is dying of cancer today. Did I do enough damage to plant the seed? Will my kids watch cancer eat me alive like I watched it eat my parents?
I can't control that now. All I can control is my quit. I sure as Hell am not going to he taking any more risk any time soon.
Stay quit dude. I'm quit with you.
Charley, you know we got your back. I'm quit with you whichever one of us is in a funk at any given time. Like you say in your post, you WILL come out of this funk, and you WILL still be quit. All of us who have gone into and come out of funks know how great that feels. Meanwhile, you are one of the most conscientious quitters on this site when it comes to staying quit with the tools we've gained here, no matter what is going on. I know you'll make it through this because you don't play games with the system that works. You post every day and you participate in our badass group.
Regarding the cancer issue, we'll all have that hanging over our heads for some time, but compared to the sheer insanity of adding to that risk by caving, it's something we can deal with. Worry and stress are killers too, so while it may be easier said than done sometimes, I'm trying to spend much less energy on worry and regret and much more energy living right today. Ultimately, that's all we can do. Regret is only good as lesson, and once that lesson is learned and applied, I'm doing my best to cut it loose.
Like Tabasco, Lost, NOLAQ and many other quitters here, I'm quit with you.
Allec... You know what needs to be done, post everyday and you'll be fine. I can't imagine you letting me down. As for the C ... we all are in that boat, not just the tobacco user's but everyone. My cousin never used tobacco in any way, shape or form yet developed throat cancer. Today he's cancer free. Screening may help us more than the average guy because we know we need screening and will do it.
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Thanks, everyone. My funk will pass as have the others. Stuffing my mouth with dip would not change anything. The way my funk will pass is by posting roll, providing support to others, and, well, letting the funk pass like the others have. Exercise is helping, and cutting my (previously excess) sugar intake to near zero is helping with the craves. The only variable is when the funk will pass.
As for the Big C, I have always associated oral and neck cancers with tobacco use. Seeing a story about a fitness fanatic who is a vegetarian who has 2-12 months left due to oral cancer gives me pause, to say the least.
To everyone reading this - (i) go to the dentist every six months and sooner if you have a sore in your mouth that does not heal within a week or two, (ii) there is a prayer out there about the things I cannot control; cancer risk due to past sins is something I cannot control except for staying quit, and (iii) I am quit for today, and I have no reason to believe that I will not be quit tomorrow.
Thanks everyone for reaching out; I gain so much more from this board than I could ever give in return. The power of a simple concept - giving ones word to a group of like minded quitters, most of whom I will never meet, on an internet forum - is humbling.
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"God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
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This dip we're all addicted to (even though we're quit, we're still addicts) is some bad, bad stuff. In fact, it's stuff none of us had any business ever messing with. It is said our lives are the sum of many small decisions made. The worst decision I ever made was to touch dip. I would not have had to have made the best decision I ever made (quitting) if I had not made that small decision to dip.
The point of the paragraph above is simple. Respect the addiction and respect the quit. Let us not think that we can have "just one". Because that small decision - "just one" - could be the decision that starts years of active addiction, which could trigger the runaway cell division that leads to a fatal cancer.
We have no business messing around with this stuff, and we owe it to ourselves to make sure we never, ever, ever touch it again.
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When I boil it all down, it is just as simple (I did not say as easy) to refrain from doing something than it is to do something.
I have chosen to refrain from dipping for 198 days in a row.
Truth be told, it has been much, much harder to refrain from dipping these second 98 days than it was the first 100 days. Craves, mind games, the whole nine yards. Objectively speaking, my quit these second 98 days have been pure, unadulterated hell. But well worth it!
All that matters is that I have chosen to refrain for today, and I have consistently done so for 198 days.
What is the power of consistency? Take a penny. Let's day I doubled the penny every day. Do you know what that penny looks like after 198 days? It looks like $ 2,008,672,555,323,740,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.
And let's say I started over every other day. Guess what I would have after 198 days? Two cents.
What keeps me consistent? Not my own mental strength. Not my wife. Not anything financial. Not the thought of dying young. Honestly, I am hopelessly addicted to this shit. But simply the act of posting roll every day - promising all of you that I will refrain from dipping today - has kept me quit. And it will keep me quit.
So I may be an addict, but I have consistently refrained. And it has paid dividends.
"Just one" would put me back at 1 cent, and statistically, it would take me a long time to build the cojones to quit again. I like the feeling of having $ 2,008,672,555,323,740,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 in my quit bank.
We build our quits one day at a time.
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October 4, 2010, DAY 218
It gets easier. Hard times may come again, but I can honestly say at 218 days that it is easier.
Not too long ago, I had to constantly remind myself that I do not dip anymore. I had to use a lot of mental energy to fight craves.
Now I have to remind myself to post roll daily.
Does that mean I am through here or I have "won"? No. I am only one stupid decision from being an active addict and having to conjure up courage and fortitude to quit again.
For whatever reason, making a promise every day to a bunch of complete strangers is the only thing that has worked for me. I broke deals with myself, deals with God, lied to myself, lied to my family, and pretty much made an ass of myself all in the name of my next fix.
Stick with it. Make your promise. Stay quit. It gets better and it gets easier.
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October 27, 2010 - Day 241
I finally figured it out. I've alluded to it in posts below, but I have finally figured out my secret to quitting dip. It is so simple.
It's not a promise to myself or my family or God. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not medication or nicotine replacement therapy, which is simply nicotine with a different delivery vehicle. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not looking at pictures of people with oral cancer or reading the heart wrenching story of Tom Kern and his children. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not listening to my doctor about all of the bad things that would happen if I continued. I have been there and done that, and failed.
None of that stuff worked. I am a big time addict, no different than a gutter junkie, the town drunk, or a crackhead. As with any addict, a dip no matter the cost was my mantra.
What has worked and will work for me is posting roll daily and making a promise not to dip to a group of people who I have never met in real life. I do this every day. And it works.
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I don't know why, but I get strenght from that, too. In fact, after 4 weeks I posted a thank you to the guys on this site. They helped me go longer than I ever had and posting each day let's me know that this quit is for good.
Stay strong, stay quit.
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Agreed
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October 27, 2010 - Day 241
I finally figured it out. I've alluded to it in posts below, but I have finally figured out my secret to quitting dip. It is so simple.
It's not a promise to myself or my family or God. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not medication or nicotine replacement therapy, which is simply nicotine with a different delivery vehicle. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not looking at pictures of people with oral cancer or reading the heart wrenching story of Tom Kern and his children. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not listening to my doctor about all of the bad things that would happen if I continued. I have been there and done that, and failed.
None of that stuff worked. I am a big time addict, no different than a gutter junkie, the town drunk, or a crackhead. As with any addict, a dip no matter the cost was my mantra.
What has worked and will work for me is posting roll daily and making a promise not to dip to a group of people who I have never met in real life. I do this every day. And it works.
well said my friend
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October 27, 2010 - Day 241
I finally figured it out. I've alluded to it in posts below, but I have finally figured out my secret to quitting dip. It is so simple.
It's not a promise to myself or my family or God. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not medication or nicotine replacement therapy, which is simply nicotine with a different delivery vehicle. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not looking at pictures of people with oral cancer or reading the heart wrenching story of Tom Kern and his children. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not listening to my doctor about all of the bad things that would happen if I continued. I have been there and done that, and failed.
None of that stuff worked. I am a big time addict, no different than a gutter junkie, the town drunk, or a crackhead. As with any addict, a dip no matter the cost was my mantra.
What has worked and will work for me is posting roll daily and making a promise not to dip to a group of people who I have never met in real life. I do this every day. And it works.
well said my friend
Yes it does !! Keep close and stay quit !!
Greg
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October 27, 2010 - Day 241
I finally figured it out. I've alluded to it in posts below, but I have finally figured out my secret to quitting dip. It is so simple.
It's not a promise to myself or my family or God. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not medication or nicotine replacement therapy, which is simply nicotine with a different delivery vehicle. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not looking at pictures of people with oral cancer or reading the heart wrenching story of Tom Kern and his children. I have been there and done that, and failed.
It's not listening to my doctor about all of the bad things that would happen if I continued. I have been there and done that, and failed.
None of that stuff worked. I am a big time addict, no different than a gutter junkie, the town drunk, or a crackhead. As with any addict, a dip no matter the cost was my mantra.
What has worked and will work for me is posting roll daily and making a promise not to dip to a group of people who I have never met in real life. I do this every day. And it works.
well said my friend
Yes it does !! Keep close and stay quit !!
Greg
Great stuff. I think we can all relate
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NOVEMBER 18, 2010 - Day 263
Sitting here at 263 days, life is good. My voracious cravings from days 100 – 200 are a distant memory. My focus has returned. I have taken control of other parts of my life – specifically, my weight – with the same discipline I apply to my quit. What craves I do experience, although intense, are few, far between, and short lived.
I have this thing beat for today, and IÂ’ll deal with tomorrow at 12:00:01 AM or whenever I wake up.
Do I have this beat for good? No. IÂ’ll have to deal with it day by day for the rest of my life. And I will have to be wary, because in 2005-2006, I made it to day 405. It took me three years eleven months to quit again.
In the past couple of groups, I have seen a couple of individuals with low 3 digit member numbers making a return trip. What motivated them to throw away a year, two year, or even longer quit? I donÂ’t know, but I will tell you what motivated me in 2006 and why that motivation was bowing to a false god.
My quit was going well, but for the fact that I had stopped posting roll over at Matt van WyckÂ’s site. Then my father died. My world was literally spinning. I thought returning to the can temporarily would make things better and help medicate my grief.
That first dip tasted awful. And my body reacted much differently from that point forward than it did when I was dipping from 1988-2005. It was literally poison. But I was hooked, big time, and I immediately regretted my decision. It took me a long, long time to gain the courage to quit again.
Nothing in my external world changed for the better as a result of me returning to the can. My old man was still dead. My grief was still there. And since I was the ultimate ninja, the old ways of avoiding friends and family to feed my addiction returned.
The point of all of this is that nicotine is false god. Life may throw us some curveballs, and life can be really crappy sometimes. But putting a pinch of skoal between the cheek and the gum wonÂ’t change a darn thing for the better.
Posting roll has saved me. It reminds me that I do not need to bow to a false god. And it reminds me on a daily basis that I am not “done”. As long as I am here, my quit is safe. Life will throw me a curveball again at some point, and if I am here, I will come out the other side as free from nicotine as I am now with the tools this site has to offer.
Thanks to all of you.
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December 20, 2010 - Day 295
I posted an early version of this over in June.
Some people ask what happens past the HOF? When the newness wears off, then what? Some people relapse unfortnuately, being lured into the false sense of security that at 100 days, the battle is over.
Eventually, everyone who is successfully managing their addiction moves on with their lives, checking in here not as frequently. Maybe this quitting thing is just a first step towards greater things.
IÂ’ve been thinking a lot lately about whether there is any significance in learning to successfully manage the world's most powerful addiction (one day at a time of course) beyond just being quit. So I thought I would compose a message. Maybe this will get me off my ass and cause me to compose a proper hall of fame post.
There are not a lot of things in life we can control. We cannot control where or to whom we were born. We cannot control the reactions of others. For those of us who work for others, we cannot control the whims of our employers. For those of us who work for ourselves, we cannot control how rapidly our clients pay us.
I think we settle for second best sometimes due to what we cannot control. Perhaps we use that as an excuse. Feelings of hopelessness and “that’s just the way things are” find themselves into the parts of our lives we can truly control.
Reflecting on my life as an addict, that is why I dipped for 22 years. I was addicted, and that was “just the way things are.”
Sure, I quit in 2005 and caved in 2006. Two things happened when I caved in 2006. First, I knew immediately I had made a horrible mistake, which was true. And second, I felt like I had lost control and was doomed to a life of dipping, which was false.
It took me four long years to come back to life without nicotine.
We all worship false gods, and one of them is the false god of surrender and hopelessness when indeed we can control the outcome.
I discovered that one of the few things in life I can control is being quit. This second time around has been much, much harder, and the battle is far from over.
But I have a proven methodology to stay quit – posting roll daily, making a daily promise to a bunch of strangers, and calling in the troops when needed. And this is the best thing, hands down, I have done in 2010 – quit.
So I got to thinking, where else am I giving in to the false god of surrender and hopelessness? This extra 25 lbs I am carrying around – certainly I can control that, right? And my marriage - be what it is at this point in time – what if I rededicated myself to controlling what I can to see if the quality of our lives can improve?
As adults, we all know to surrender to the things we cannot control. But let's ask ourselves two questions – (i) are we surrendering to things we CAN control and (ii) now that we’ve accomplished what few accomplish in managing the world’s toughest addiction – what else can we do?
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January 18, 2011. Day 324.
The focus now is to ensure that I have quit nicotine for good rather than just being someone taking a long break from nicotine. There is no honor in being a repeat customer here.
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April 15, 2011 - Day 411
I have seen a couple of repeat customers return to the site recently. One who was a serial caver about a year ago and came back for a Day 1 drive by, and another who has a three digit member number who posted a Day 1 today.
The repeat customers with low member numbers who were on a hiatus for hundreds of days get my attention. They weren't truly quit, were they, since by definition quit seems to indicate not partaking of something.
The cyle seems to be (i) get away from the site, (ii) a stressor or trigger happens, (iii) the member is lulled by the siren call of "just one", and (iv) just like that, just with one dip, the cycle of addiction resumes.
Out of the 4 steps above, 3 are in our control. On (i), we can choose to stay on the site even if for 30 seconds daily to post roll. On (iii), we have the choice to say no. On (iv), it never happens if we do not do (iii).
The only thing somewhat out of our control are our triggers or stressors. We all react differently, and some of us succumb easier than other. I had a 400+ day hiatus before this site was around, and I used a death of a loved one to justify a dip, which led to another 4 years of feeding my addiction.
Others on this site have weathered the deaths of their best friends, fathers, mothers, and even a child without using the event to justify a dip. I mourn your losses but I salute you for avoiding a relapse into feeding your addiction during your time of loss. If I only had your strength of character in 2006 that you had and have during your time of loss.
I know that some day I am going to have a life event or a major stressor. Perhaps a career issue, perphaps a health issue, perhaps a death in the family. It will happen.
Those times will be a lot easier to deal with knowing that I have a built in support group here. All I will have to do is ask for some help, and it is there.
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Amen my friend....
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July 1, 2011 - Day 488
It is a beautiful day to be quit. Every day is a beautiful day to be quit.
Almost 70 weeks in, I can tell you that it gets better. I also am happy to report that it gets very easy for 98% of the days. The other 2% of those days that suck are getting easier as well.
I can never lose sight of the fact that I am an addict. As far as my continued participation here - why mess with what works? Posting roll takes a minute out of my morning. Additional participation does take time, but all of my additional participation is an investment in my quit and perhaps others' as well.
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July 13, 2011 - Day 500
Wow. Five hundred days. A lot has changed, and some things have not.
Changes - no longer a slave to the devil we know as nicotine, 10 lbs lighter than I was when I quit (after going up about 10 at one point), a much healthier perspective on life, and a healthy appreciation and respect for the power of this addiction. There are many who quit and post up a day 1. I have. Some have taken a hiatus and resumed quitting. I have done that as well. I remember the first few weeks very well, having done it twice. No mas and never again.
The second time almost killed me mentally. I don't think I can quit for a third time.
What has not changed - in times of extreme stress, I still go to the can - in this case, the fake. There is a huge debate around here about the fake. On the positive side, it has kept me away from the nicotine. On the negative side, the behavior of going to the can has not changed. Just what the can is.
The next step in my journey is to address the going to the can, and wean myself from the act of going to the can of fake. I will have to switch my can. Fortunately, that does not involve posting up a Day 1 and going through the hell that October 2011 is experiencing.
All in all, the fake has saved my quit. But I can see how easily how the fake could lead to darker things. For me, I have drawn a boundary, and that boundary is posting roll every day and not using nicotine ever again, whatever it takes.
Carry on and stay quit.
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July 13, 2011 - Day 500
Wow. Five hundred days. A lot has changed, and some things have not.
Changes - no longer a slave to the devil we know as nicotine, 10 lbs lighter than I was when I quit (after going up about 10 at one point), a much healthier perspective on life, and a healthy appreciation and respect for the power of this addiction. There are many who quit and post up a day 1. I have. Some have taken a hiatus and resumed quitting. I have done that as well. I remember the first few weeks very well, having done it twice. No mas and never again.
The second time almost killed me mentally. I don't think I can quit for a third time.
What has not changed - in times of extreme stress, I still go to the can - in this case, the fake. There is a huge debate around here about the fake. On the positive side, it has kept me away from the nicotine. On the negative side, the behavior of going to the can has not changed. Just what the can is.
The next step in my journey is to address the going to the can, and wean myself from the act of going to the can of fake. I will have to switch my can. Fortunately, that does not involve posting up a Day 1 and going through the hell that October 2011 is experiencing.
All in all, the fake has saved my quit. But I can see how easily how the fake could lead to darker things. For me, I have drawn a boundary, and that boundary is posting roll every day and not using nicotine ever again, whatever it takes.
Carry on and stay quit.
Congrats alec: You have certainly strenghthened my quit brother, 71 days worth, and still going one day at a time! NIcofiend
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July 13, 2011 - Day 500
Wow. Five hundred days. A lot has changed, and some things have not.
Changes - no longer a slave to the devil we know as nicotine, 10 lbs lighter than I was when I quit (after going up about 10 at one point), a much healthier perspective on life, and a healthy appreciation and respect for the power of this addiction. There are many who quit and post up a day 1. I have. Some have taken a hiatus and resumed quitting. I have done that as well. I remember the first few weeks very well, having done it twice. No mas and never again.
The second time almost killed me mentally. I don't think I can quit for a third time.
What has not changed - in times of extreme stress, I still go to the can - in this case, the fake. There is a huge debate around here about the fake. On the positive side, it has kept me away from the nicotine. On the negative side, the behavior of going to the can has not changed. Just what the can is.
The next step in my journey is to address the going to the can, and wean myself from the act of going to the can of fake. I will have to switch my can. Fortunately, that does not involve posting up a Day 1 and going through the hell that October 2011 is experiencing.
All in all, the fake has saved my quit. But I can see how easily how the fake could lead to darker things. For me, I have drawn a boundary, and that boundary is posting roll every day and not using nicotine ever again, whatever it takes.
Carry on and stay quit.
Congrats on the 500. Just one small point, the fake has not "saved" your quit - you choosing the fake over the real may have saved your quit, but that choice was all you.
Don't shortchange yourself - you did this. Congrats again on the 500.
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July 13, 2011 - Day 500
Wow. Five hundred days. A lot has changed, and some things have not.
Changes - no longer a slave to the devil we know as nicotine, 10 lbs lighter than I was when I quit (after going up about 10 at one point), a much healthier perspective on life, and a healthy appreciation and respect for the power of this addiction. There are many who quit and post up a day 1. I have. Some have taken a hiatus and resumed quitting. I have done that as well. I remember the first few weeks very well, having done it twice. No mas and never again.
The second time almost killed me mentally. I don't think I can quit for a third time.
What has not changed - in times of extreme stress, I still go to the can - in this case, the fake. There is a huge debate around here about the fake. On the positive side, it has kept me away from the nicotine. On the negative side, the behavior of going to the can has not changed. Just what the can is.
The next step in my journey is to address the going to the can, and wean myself from the act of going to the can of fake. I will have to switch my can. Fortunately, that does not involve posting up a Day 1 and going through the hell that October 2011 is experiencing.
All in all, the fake has saved my quit. But I can see how easily how the fake could lead to darker things. For me, I have drawn a boundary, and that boundary is posting roll every day and not using nicotine ever again, whatever it takes.
Carry on and stay quit.
I am Proud of you.
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July 13, 2011Â - Day 500
Wow. Five hundred days. A lot has changed, and some things have not.
Changes - no longer a slave to the devil we know as nicotine, 10 lbs lighter than I was when I quit (after going up about 10 at one point), a much healthier perspective on life, and a healthy appreciation and respect for the power of this addiction. There are many who quit and post up a day 1. I have. Some have taken a hiatus and resumed quitting. I have done that as well. I remember the first few weeks very well, having done it twice. No mas and never again.
The second time almost killed me mentally. I don't think I can quit for a third time.
What has not changed - in times of extreme stress, I still go to the can - in this case, the fake. There is a huge debate around here about the fake. On the positive side, it has kept me away from the nicotine. On the negative side, the behavior of going to the can has not changed. Just what the can is.
The next step in my journey is to address the going to the can, and wean myself from the act of going to the can of fake. I will have to switch my can. Fortunately, that does not involve posting up a Day 1 and going through the hell that October 2011 is experiencing.
All in all, the fake has saved my quit. But I can see how easily how the fake could lead to darker things. For me, I have drawn a boundary, and that boundary is posting roll every day and not using nicotine ever again, whatever it takes.
Carry on and stay quit.
I am Proud of you.
Well done!
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October 21, 2011 - Day 600
Time flies. Six hundred days ago, I took back my life, one day at a time. Did quitting dip make all of my problems go away? No, but it opened the door for me to address some others.
I haven't used the fake since September 19.
A couple of things I am reflecting on this morning. First, I am still a spineless addict and $5 away from the highway to hell. Thank God I found this place.
Second, I dipped for about 22 years. Took a year plus break once, but quit for good at 41. I am very, very lucky that I seemed to have gotten through this without negative health consequences (for now). It breaks my heart to read that a 19 year old girl who dipped for two years is having a different outcome over in January 11. My prayers for her.
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October 21, 2011 - Day 600
Time flies. Six hundred days ago, I took back my life, one day at a time. Did quitting dip make all of my problems go away? No, but it opened the door for me to address some others.
I haven't used the fake since September 19.
A couple of things I am reflecting on this morning. First, I am still a spineless addict and $5 away from the highway to hell. Thank God I found this place.
Second, I dipped for about 22 years. Took a year plus break once, but quit for good at 41. I am very, very lucky that I seemed to have gotten through this without negative health consequences (for now). It breaks my heart to read that a 19 year old girl who dipped for two years is having a different outcome over in January 11. My prayers for her.
Amen brother!
Charley, we have walked a hard walk these past many months. I am proud and humbled to have walked them with you.
Congratulations on today. You deserve to celebrate.
Thank you for staying close to the site and for all the help you have given to me, June 2010, and KTC.
Keep fighting. Your life is worth it.
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October 21, 2011 - Day 600
Time flies. Six hundred days ago, I took back my life, one day at a time. Did quitting dip make all of my problems go away? No, but it opened the door for me to address some others.
I haven't used the fake since September 19.
A couple of things I am reflecting on this morning. First, I am still a spineless addict and $5 away from the highway to hell. Thank God I found this place.
Second, I dipped for about 22 years. Took a year plus break once, but quit for good at 41. I am very, very lucky that I seemed to have gotten through this without negative health consequences (for now). It breaks my heart to read that a 19 year old girl who dipped for two years is having a different outcome over in January 11. My prayers for her.
Amen brother!
Charley, we have walked a hard walk these past many months. I am proud and humbled to have walked them with you.
Congratulations on today. You deserve to celebrate.
Thank you for staying close to the site and for all the help you have given to me, June 2010, and KTC.
Keep fighting. Your life is worth it.
Seeing numbers like 600 married with the truth that we are all $5 away from hell is a constant reminder of where I truly am. Thanks for sharing. Enjoy the day.
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October 21, 2011 - Day 600
Time flies. Six hundred days ago, I took back my life, one day at a time. Did quitting dip make all of my problems go away? No, but it opened the door for me to address some others.
I haven't used the fake since September 19.
A couple of things I am reflecting on this morning. First, I am still a spineless addict and $5 away from the highway to hell. Thank God I found this place.
Second, I dipped for about 22 years. Took a year plus break once, but quit for good at 41. I am very, very lucky that I seemed to have gotten through this without negative health consequences (for now). It breaks my heart to read that a 19 year old girl who dipped for two years is having a different outcome over in January 11. My prayers for her.
Amen brother!
Charley, we have walked a hard walk these past many months. I am proud and humbled to have walked them with you.
Congratulations on today. You deserve to celebrate.
Thank you for staying close to the site and for all the help you have given to me, June 2010, and KTC.
Keep fighting. Your life is worth it.
Seeing numbers like 600 married with the truth that we are all $5 away from hell is a constant reminder of where I truly am. Thanks for sharing. Enjoy the day.
Mad respect brother. Congrats on 600. You are HUGE.
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I am in the process of changing jobs. Cleaning off my hard drive, I found something I had written on March 8, 2010 (eight days in) but I do not think I ever posted. I reproduce it below, modified for today's date. Although I have not had a crave in a long time and it's been months since I was in a funk, I still show up to post roll to shut it down.
Don’t be a dumbass. Today, I would be at Day 2,441 or so and not Day 607 if I had stuck around on this site's predecessor (and joined this site in 2006) and not listened to the siren call of “just one more.”
I am damn lucky to have made it to Day 607, because as someone who caved on Day 405 of an earlier hiatus in 2005-2006, I can tell you it took me 1,430 days to get back to a Day 1.
I am one of the lucky ones. Many who have caved never make it back. LetÂ’s not delude ourselves that we ever have this thing licked. We donÂ’t entirely.
ThereÂ’s no sugar coating this. If, for some reason, I develop health problems down the road, I will always ask myself if this is the price I am paying for my 1,430 day lapse between 2005 and 2010.
Don’t be me. Rely on the collective strength of this community, motivate yourself, run the hell away from the trigger – do anything except dip.
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February 24, 2012 - Day 726
If you are newer or early in your fight against nicotine addiction, be warned that there is some hard work and sobering news in the paragraphs below. If you are freaking out about the commitment quitting takes long term because you just quit, come back in a few months and read this when you've adjusted your mindset to a life without nicotine.
I was reading about someone locally famous who is 85 years old and retiring after decades of work. I learned that this gentleman has had chronic lymphotic leukemia since the 1970s.
I did a little bit of reading on chronic lymphotic leukemia and other cancers. Apparently, there are several forms of cancer that are chronic, slow growing, and can be "managed" with periodic treatment. I never knew that someone could have cancer for 40 years, manage it, survive, and in the case of this gentleman, thrive. His cancer never left, and it was never cured. Through the miracles of modern medicine, he has managed his condition.
This does not sound much different than what we are dealing with here. The "cancer" in this case (God forbid any of us get the real thing from our past dipping) is our nicotine addiction. It never leaves us, and it is never cured. The treatment - daily in my case for the past 720+ days - is posting roll and being involved around here to varying extents.
Am I cured? No.
Will I ever be cured? No.
Am I a nicotine addict? Yes.
Am I under treatment? Yes.
Could I relapse (i.e., cave)? Easily, but it is in my control and highly unlikely to occur while I am under active "treatment". All I need to do is post roll, use the tools available to me here (I still use a few of them after 728 days) and make sure I have a plan in place when there is a funk or trigger.
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February 24, 2012 - Day 726
If you are newer or early in your fight against nicotine addiction, be warned that there is some hard work and sobering news in the paragraphs below. If you are freaking out about the commitment quitting takes long term because you just quit, come back in a few months and read this when you've adjusted your mindset to a life without nicotine.
I was reading about someone locally famous who is 85 years old and retiring after decades of work. I learned that this gentleman has had chronic lymphotic leukemia since the 1970s.
I did a little bit of reading on chronic lymphotic leukemia and other cancers. Apparently, there are several forms of cancer that are chronic, slow growing, and can be "managed" with periodic treatment. I never knew that someone could have cancer for 40 years, manage it, survive, and in the case of this gentleman, thrive. His cancer never left, and it was never cured. Through the miracles of modern medicine, he has managed his condition.
This does not sound much different than what we are dealing with here. The "cancer" in this case (God forbid any of us get the real thing from our past dipping) is our nicotine addiction. It never leaves us, and it is never cured. The treatment - daily in my case for the past 720+ days - is posting roll and being involved around here to varying extents.
Am I cured? No.
Will I ever be cured? No.
Am I a nicotine addict? Yes.
Am I under treatment? Yes.
Could I relapse (i.e., cave)? Easily, but it is in my control and highly unlikely to occur while I am under active "treatment". All I need to do is post roll, use the tools available to me here (I still use a few of them after 728 days) and make sure I have a plan in place when there is a funk or trigger.
Interesting way to look at it.
I like your last paragraph the most.
We must fight for our freedom everyday.
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Wow. 793 days goes by fast, but I have no wish to repeat the first several hundred of those days.
Thanks to God for helping me find this place and keeping my eye on the ball.
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Wow. 793 days goes by fast, but I have no wish to repeat the first several hundred of those days.
Thanks to God for helping me find this place and keeping my eye on the ball.
:)
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Day 851 and life is good.
Sure, I have craves. Believe it or not, I am affected when someone with a lot of days under their belt disappears and inevitably returns throwing down a Day 1. It just disappoints me, saddens me, and makes me very much aware that without your accountability and support that I too could be "That Person".
One of the best practices of successful people are rituals. Professional athletes practice for hours on end - shagging balls, hitting golf balls, throwing passes, doing free throws - thousands and thousands of hours day after day.
I have a couple of rituals. One is walking almost every morning and the other is posting roll. Walking is my newer ritual in that it helps me get some much needed exercise and shed some weight. Posting my promise in the form of roll is my older ritual that makes me accountable to you.
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Day 851 and life is good.
Sure, I have craves. Believe it or not, I am affected when someone with a lot of days under their belt disappears and inevitably returns throwing down a Day 1. It just disappoints me, saddens me, and makes me very much aware that without your accountability and support that I too could be "That Person".
One of the best practices of successful people are rituals. Professional athletes practice for hours on end - shagging balls, hitting golf balls, throwing passes, doing free throws - thousands and thousands of hours day after day.
I have a couple of rituals. One is walking almost every morning and the other is posting roll. Walking is my newer ritual in that it helps me get some much needed exercise and shed some weight. Posting my promise in the form of roll is my older ritual that makes me accountable to you.
Nicely said !! Posting roll daily is what keeps you quit.
I will quit with you today!
Greg
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Day 947
There were three (maybe four) of us who quit on March 1, 2010. I can remember the day vividly. It's a period of my life I care not to repeat.
When I see one of those three - he had disappeared a long time ago - post up a day 2 today, it saddens me and makes me shudder.
Really the only difference between that individual whose weak ass addict shit we are all calling out and my weak ass addict shit is that I stuck around. That's it - just a little bit of time and daily accountability. I am one bad decision or one trip to a convenience store away from being "that guy."
I am still an addict - I always will be and I take full responsibility for it - and 947 days away from the can does not change that fact one bit.
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Day 947
There were three (maybe four) of us who quit on March 1, 2010. I can remember the day vividly. It's a period of my life I care not to repeat.
When I see one of those three - he had disappeared a long time ago - post up a day 2 today, it saddens me and makes me shudder.
Really the only difference between that individual whose weak ass addict shit we are all calling out and my weak ass addict shit is that I stuck around. That's it - just a little bit of time and daily accountability. I am one bad decision or one trip to a convenience store away from being "that guy."
I am still an addict - I always will be and I take full responsibility for it - and 947 days away from the can does not change that fact one bit.
Thanks for the reminder alec.
I'll quit with you today and see you here tomorrow as well.
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Day 1,634.
I still post roll more days than not; I also think about dip about as many days as I don't. I am an addict to nicotine pure and simple. That fact will never change. It's a good thing I think about it because the first two years of this journey were white knuckles a lot of the time. The years 2010 - 2012 were a dark place for me.
I'm thinner than I have been in a long time and by all accounts physically fit for a 45 year old man who dipped for 22 years until March 1, 2010.
The recent passing of Tiny Gwynn and now this (http://espn.go.com/boston/mlb/story/_/id/11380584/curt-schilling-former-boston-red-sox-pitcher-says-chewing-tobacco-led-mouth-cancer) remind me that 22 years of bad choices could still have future consequences.
The best advice I have been given and the best advice I can give is to take it a day at a time or even break it down further into a minute at a time if necessary. The tools on this website are foolproof; use them.
The fact is, the day I think I have this addiction "beat" is the day I make a left turn on the road to perdition and refeeding my addiction.
Many of you give more to this site than you receive; I salute and thank you.
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^^^^ QFT. I knew the Kurt Schilling news would spark conversation, as it very well should.
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Thanks for posting today. I hadnt seen your intro. Inspired me and made me feel good to know that the fact it still isnt easy should be no surprise at day 300 or so.
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Thanks for posting today. I hadnt seen your intro. Inspired me and made me feel good to know that the fact it still isnt easy should be no surprise at day 300 or so.
Holy cow, this (http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html) is one of the best things I have ever read.
Thanks for posting up and sharing this in your signature.
And no, there is nothing easy about this journey.
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Thanks for posting today. I hadnt seen your intro. Inspired me and made me feel good to know that the fact it still isnt easy should be no surprise at day 300 or so.
Holy cow, this (http://whyquit.com/whyquit/linksaaddiction.html) is one of the best things I have ever read.
Thanks for posting up and sharing this in your signature.
And no, there is nothing easy about this journey.
This is awesome.
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I pulled this from another introduction up the page.
There is no such thing as "just one"
Sobering.
Hello fellow addicts and quitters. This is Day 1 of my quit. I am a biologist living in West Texas. I had been quit for 7 years. Over a year ago I put a dip in. Just one. Just for old times sake. Just because the outside environment and work called for a simple single dip, and that would be it. Now, daily for over a year. All. Over. Again.
Before the 7 yrs of my successful quit, I had been dipping for well over a decade. High School, peers, and baseball. That kid grew into a man, and was still dipping. Full-blown addict.
My first quit was terribly hard. Physically and mentally; as I had basically grown up, had developed into an adult with nicotine and dipping hardwired into my brain and body.
I now need to do it all over again. I now will do it all over again. A bit pissed at myself for having to start over. I am also understanding.
I will find out if this quit differs from my first quit.
Anyways, another and now defunct (I believe) website and forum helped me way back then. It is my hope that the same type forum and community will be just as helpful.
I choose not to be a slave.
Thank you for having me, brothers and sisters.
Let us all live free.
So, here. I. go....
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I pulled this from another introduction up the page.
There is no such thing as "just one"
Sobering.
Hello fellow addicts and quitters. This is Day 1 of my quit. I am a biologist living in West Texas. I had been quit for 7 years. Over a year ago I put a dip in. Just one. Just for old times sake. Just because the outside environment and work called for a simple single dip, and that would be it. Now, daily for over a year. All. Over. Again.
Before the 7 yrs of my successful quit, I had been dipping for well over a decade. High School, peers, and baseball. That kid grew into a man, and was still dipping. Full-blown addict.
My first quit was terribly hard. Physically and mentally; as I had basically grown up, had developed into an adult with nicotine and dipping hardwired into my brain and body.
I now need to do it all over again. I now will do it all over again. A bit pissed at myself for having to start over. I am also understanding.
I will find out if this quit differs from my first quit.
Anyways, another and now defunct (I believe) website and forum helped me way back then. It is my hope that the same type forum and community will be just as helpful.
I choose not to be a slave.
Thank you for having me, brothers and sisters.
Let us all live free.
So, here. I. go....
Unfortunately, we see this here all too often. Guys with years of Quit, find themselves back here on Day 1.
Fortunately, we are here for them. We continue to be here everyday for them to find their way.
Keep posting, allec. Every day. I got your back. We won't be that guy.
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I pulled this from another introduction up the page.
There is no such thing as "just one"
Sobering.
Hello fellow addicts and quitters. This is Day 1 of my quit. I am a biologist living in West Texas. I had been quit for 7 years. Over a year ago I put a dip in. Just one. Just for old times sake. Just because the outside environment and work called for a simple single dip, and that would be it. Now, daily for over a year. All. Over. Again.
Before the 7 yrs of my successful quit, I had been dipping for well over a decade. High School, peers, and baseball. That kid grew into a man, and was still dipping. Full-blown addict.
My first quit was terribly hard. Physically and mentally; as I had basically grown up, had developed into an adult with nicotine and dipping hardwired into my brain and body.
I now need to do it all over again. I now will do it all over again. A bit pissed at myself for having to start over. I am also understanding.
I will find out if this quit differs from my first quit.
Anyways, another and now defunct (I believe) website and forum helped me way back then. It is my hope that the same type forum and community will be just as helpful.
I choose not to be a slave.
Thank you for having me, brothers and sisters.
Let us all live free.
So, here. I. go....
Right?! That was one of the main pieces of understanding I never really took in before coming here. Even then it took a while, and some stories of others to really sink in. This is really a battle. Glad you're in it too, I like your style and it will help others here.
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I pulled this from another introduction up the page.
There is no such thing as "just one"
Sobering.
Hello fellow addicts and quitters. This is Day 1 of my quit. I am a biologist living in West Texas. I had been quit for 7 years. Over a year ago I put a dip in. Just one. Just for old times sake. Just because the outside environment and work called for a simple single dip, and that would be it. Now, daily for over a year. All. Over. Again.
Before the 7 yrs of my successful quit, I had been dipping for well over a decade. High School, peers, and baseball. That kid grew into a man, and was still dipping. Full-blown addict.
My first quit was terribly hard. Physically and mentally; as I had basically grown up, had developed into an adult with nicotine and dipping hardwired into my brain and body.
I now need to do it all over again. I now will do it all over again. A bit pissed at myself for having to start over. I am also understanding.
I will find out if this quit differs from my first quit.
Anyways, another and now defunct (I believe) website and forum helped me way back then. It is my hope that the same type forum and community will be just as helpful.
I choose not to be a slave.
Thank you for having me, brothers and sisters.
Let us all live free.
So, here. I. go....
Right?! That was one of the main pieces of understanding I never really took in before coming here. Even then it took a while, and some stories of others to really sink in. This is really a battle. Glad you're in it too, I like your style and it will help others here.
I'm always reminded of Corn's intro when "just one" comes up:
topic/1006847/1/?x=35 (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1006847/1/?x=35)