KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Beast on August 16, 2016, 05:35:00 PM
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Nicotine has controlled me for the last 34 years. First started with dip when I was 11, which isn't all that uncommon when you live in a farming community. Added smoking when I was 15. At 20, quit smoking and became a closet dipper when my new wife got pregnant. Wife never even knew I dipped. I would hang out at friends houses after work, who also dipped, and didn't bother spending time with my wife and daughter. Who the fuck chooses nicotine over their family? This dumb ass, that's who. At 30, got divorced for various reasons, but I know why she felt abandoned by me. I was a hiding, coward, closet dipper for 10 years. At least I was now free to dip as much as I pleased, which I did for several years.
"I'll never let nicotine do that to me again!"
At 45, guess what I just did for the second time? This time, the new girl knew I dipped, but she didn't know how much, and I never did it in front of her. I would rather spend a Saturday night hiding with a dip in my office, than taking her out as a couple. I just did the exact thing I said I'd never do again. After a few years, she tired of it, and once again, I chose nicotine over a relationship.
We're not talking about heroin addiction, we're talking about nicotine. But make no mistake, it can and will control you, manipulate you, and make you do things you never dreamed you were devastatingly capable of doing. Why not just go public and admit I use dip? I wish I could answer that. My career doesn't exactly allow that.
I'm done with nicotine. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of feeling like shit. I'm tired of wasting my life just waiting for my next nicotine fix. I may be the stupidest human on the face of the Earth, but that changes now. I may only be 53 hours in, but this time just feels different, and I pray I can finally get that evil nicotine off my back.
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I see you posted roll. That's your promise to not use. Honor it, and make the same promise tomorrow. Make the promise early in the morning, before you have a chance to buy.
Make your promise, keep it, do it again tomorrow. Refuse to cave.
I'm proud to quit with you.
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Beast,
Everyone here has lead a life of stupid decisions that have had negative consequences for our health and relationships. We can not change history only gain some wisdom form our past.
You have taken a wise step toward a better future. No matter what your mind tells you, that future will not be better with nicotine.
Gather strength by reading the stories of those who have been down this road and heed their advice. Post your promise not to use nicotine first thing every morning and make sure you keep your promise.
You are off to a great start. Keep on quitting!
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Welcome beast!
Your brothers will help you in anyway they can! Hope you rock the quit with the November group!!
PM me if you ever need anything.
-Dan
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Beast that is a great intro.
Your story has similarities to mine and others on the site.
If I and others on KTC can do it, then so can you.
I am two years quit, I will be here again tomorrow because there is no going back.
Idaho Spuds
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Beast! Good stuff. You can do this support is all over the place here, as long as you post your roll every damn day. Get active, get to know your group members.
I am one year quit. Still an addict, no longer a slave.
Quit with me starting tomorrow. See you on roll! JB
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Hey doc guess what? We're all addicts just like you! We quit here ODAAT! We post roll worry about making 1 minute, 10 minutes, 1 hour and get it done by helping each other. I see you really hate nic. That's good, that's what it takes. Bitch gonna play tricks with your brain, be a man, sack up and get help, we've all ask for help at one time or another. Great job posting roll! My moto to staying quit is post roll Early Edd ODAAT! Be a man of your word and you can't fail! Proud to be quit with you! Numbers pm away
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Thanks guys. I'll get through this, but let me tell you, this insomnia sucks...
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Learned something new today. Chewing gum like a rabid piranha makes your jaw hurt.
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Learned something new today. Chewing gum like a rabid piranha makes your jaw hurt.
Haha, yes it can. But not as badly as having that jaw removed!
It will get better. Use whatever mechanism you need right now, gum seeds, cheeseburgers. It won't be like this forever.
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Nervous for my first weekend clean...
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Nervous for my first weekend clean...
Yo brother you will be great and you are making it through this like a champ hydrate drink lots of water chew seeds etc keep busy keep your mind off of things and avoid lots of caffeine and alcohol reach out grab some numbers and get ready for a great weekend. with a weekend its like any other time one day at a time and post roll. the biggest thing is to know your major trigger points and avoid them if possible. Exercise lots of exercise, working out your legs helps to release testosterone and can help with the process at least that's what i was told.
all in all bro if you need anything ask we are all here for you and if you feel a craving you cant handle or if you think about driving to the c store get on here and start blowing it up.
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Nervous for my first weekend clean...
Yo brother you will be great and you are making it through this like a champ hydrate drink lots of water chew seeds etc keep busy keep your mind off of things and avoid lots of caffeine and alcohol reach out grab some numbers and get ready for a great weekend. with a weekend its like any other time one day at a time and post roll. the biggest thing is to know your major trigger points and avoid them if possible. Exercise lots of exercise, working out your legs helps to release testosterone and can help with the process at least that's what i was told.
all in all bro if you need anything ask we are all here for you and if you feel a craving you cant handle or if you think about driving to the c store get on here and start blowing it up.
Mow the grass, chop some wood, get laid, whatever stay busy. Post early in the morning. Take your kids, wife friend whatever for a ride way off to eat. If you feel a bad oral fixation coming on buy you some sort of fake chew, pulled my ass out several times first 200 days or so. You got this because it's your quit and you're in control not nic! Quit on!
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Nervous for my first weekend clean...
Yo brother you will be great and you are making it through this like a champ hydrate drink lots of water chew seeds etc keep busy keep your mind off of things and avoid lots of caffeine and alcohol reach out grab some numbers and get ready for a great weekend. with a weekend its like any other time one day at a time and post roll. the biggest thing is to know your major trigger points and avoid them if possible. Exercise lots of exercise, working out your legs helps to release testosterone and can help with the process at least that's what i was told.
all in all bro if you need anything ask we are all here for you and if you feel a craving you cant handle or if you think about driving to the c store get on here and start blowing it up.
Mow the grass, chop some wood, get laid, whatever stay busy. Post early in the morning. Take your kids, wife friend whatever for a ride way off to eat. If you feel a bad oral fixation coming on buy you some sort of fake chew, pulled my ass out several times first 200 days or so. You got this because it's your quit and you're in control not nic! Quit on!
Google a pic of mouth cancer caused by tobacco, print it, cut it out and carry it in your wallet. Works for me :)
It get better, and quickly, as long as your are committed to your quit.
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You guys know your stuff. Gotta stay busy and avoid triggers. Getting ready to hit a new restaurant that's about 60 miles away. I think I hear the back roads calling.
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You guys know your stuff. Gotta stay busy and avoid triggers. Getting ready to hit a new restaurant that's about 60 miles away. I think I hear the back roads calling.
Nice intro. I'm on wife one, but 25 years of ninja. Got caught once or twice and lied lied lied. 1,336 days later, freedom is sweet.
You are correct, this isn't heroin. But it is as addictive. Don't underestimate this opponent. One day at a time, victory will be yours. Quit with you today sir.
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Holy shit, you guys weren't kidding about the dip dreams. WTF?
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Holy shit, you guys weren't kidding about the dip dreams. WTF?
Those are vivid subconscious reminders of you WINNING!
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Holy shit, you guys weren't kidding about the dip dreams. WTF?
Those are vivid subconscious reminders of you WINNING!
they are reminders of wins and dont discourage yourself over them they can be so real that you can almost taste it.
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Holy shit! Toothpaste is flavored! I shit you not! I was brushing my teeth this morning and thought, "what the hell is that?" Can't think of the last time I actually tasted toothpaste. If steak tastes better now, then my fat ass is in trouble.
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Just reading this intro for the first time - hit home on many fronts. Beast, you are among common folk here and many of us regret past decisions, actions, and behaviors because of our addiction to nicotine.
Keep journaling these small wins. The toothpaste comment was perfect - and just a small slice of what freedom tastes like. Like Worktowin said, 1300+ days and that freedom keeps getting better, well, he's spot on. The longer I'm quit the better this gets - the more you put into this the bigger the ROI. Congratulations on being quit - now, take it from me, fire up the grill and learn what steak really tastes like.
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Just reading this intro for the first time - hit home on many fronts. Beast, you are among common folk here and many of us regret past decisions, actions, and behaviors because of our addiction to nicotine.
Keep journaling these small wins. The toothpaste comment was perfect - and just a small slice of what freedom tastes like. Like Worktowin said, 1300+ days and that freedom keeps getting better, well, he's spot on. The longer I'm quit the better this gets - the more you put into this the bigger the ROI. Congratulations on being quit - now, take it from me, fire up the grill and learn what steak really tastes like.
Made me chuckle with the toothpaste comment. Love new quitters. Want to taste something beautiful. Try a juicy just off the tree peach. They are just coming into season in PA (Well my back yard anyway)
and I have waited almost a year to see what one tastes like unpolluted by nic!!!! Heaven!!
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Last night was rough. Today's been rough. I will not break my promise. I would have caved if it wasn't for this site. I'm not looking for sympathy. We've all been there. Just typing it out here helps. I keep journaling it here so after I hit 100 days I can look back and see how enveloped I was in the fog. ODAAT!
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Last night was rough. Today's been rough. I will not break my promise. I would have caved if it wasn't for this site. I'm not looking for sympathy. We've all been there. Just typing it out here helps. I keep journaling it here so after I hit 100 days I can look back and see how enveloped I was in the fog. ODAAT!
Hey my brother you are absolutely correct, we've all struggled and I swear to you if you hang in there it's worth every damn second of it! Don't worry about 20 day's, 50 days just worry about right now! Let's make it through the next minute then 1 hour just till I can post again in the morning! You own this quit! Damn proud to be quit with you!
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Last night was rough. Today's been rough. I will not break my promise. I would have caved if it wasn't for this site. I'm not looking for sympathy. We've all been there. Just typing it out here helps. I keep journaling it here so after I hit 100 days I can look back and see how enveloped I was in the fog. ODAAT!
Hey my brother you are absolutely correct, we've all struggled and I swear to you if you hang in there it's worth every damn second of it! Don't worry about 20 day's, 50 days just worry about right now! Let's make it through the next minute then 1 hour just till I can post again in the morning! You own this quit! Damn proud to be quit with you!
^^ listen to Pab every day is a new milestone to take a baby step at a time but man its worth it. when i drank my first cup of coffee without a chew it was probably the best thing ever.
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I won't give up, but I'm a mess right now. Today would have been my son's 16th birthday. He died when he was 3. I just gotta make it through today.
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I won't give up, but I'm a mess right now. Today would have been my son's 16th birthday. He died when he was 3. I just gotta make it through today.
Sorry to hear that brother, but remember putting a chew in wouldn't change anything i know your strong and you will make it through.
Remember to if you need it i pm'd you my number
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Blood sugar is messed up. Ate till I made myself sick. Sweating like a whore in church. Got some help from a doc. The first week was a piece of cake compared to this. Fuck that poison. I will NOT let it win.
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Blood sugar is messed up. Ate till I made myself sick. Sweating like a whore in church. Got some help from a doc. The first week was a piece of cake compared to this. Fuck that poison. I will NOT let it win.
You are doing great beast. Some days are harder then others and some days you want to throat punch a nun. But the times get easier and the craves do fade but always keep your guard up
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Yes beast screwed mine up also but still didn't let that little trick work either! Hang in there brother, we're all right here with you. Nic plays hell with the body, but I feel better now than I have in 20 years. I haven't been sick, not one day in over a year. I normally was off work at least a day a month. You will reap the benefits of your quit, just gotta fight the bitch! Quit on my friend! Damn proud of you and proud to be quit with you!
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Hang in there Beast, I think the quit is strong with you.
It will get better, the more you hate the nic bitch, the faster you will level out, because it's all a brain game now.
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Feels like I'm dehydrated. Gonna try doubling my water intake throughout the day. Day #2 of a headache.
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Feels like I'm dehydrated. Gonna try doubling my water intake throughout the day. Day #2 of a headache.
Over two weeks in beast. if that ain't a part of it, I went from drinking like 3 bottles of water a day to over a gallon now it's amazing how much change your body goes through with it
I'm quit with you
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Nic took control of maintaining blood sugar levels when you dipped. Now your brain is taking that function back without the help of nic but it takes a little time. You may need to help it along for a while...smaller but more frequent meals may help, keep hydrated, drink juice throughout the day, etc. And time of course.
Things will feel better soon. Just keep up the bad ass quit you got going.
- FLLIP.
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It's great to see someone else here winning after over 30 years of slavery to the can. I was in that boat myself. On Saturday I will celebrate one year of freedom. It can be done one day at a time, every damn day. Keep going Beast - no one ever wishes that they were dipping again.
I quit with you today! :)
Stranger999 360
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Learned something new today. Chewing gum like a rabid piranha makes your jaw hurt.
Lifesavers are a big help. Seeds and the fake dip as well. I'm on day 368, a 25 year user. I'm proud to quit with you today.
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I really appreciate everyone's help on here. I would have never made it this far if I were trying to do this alone. Everyone's experience and words of wisdom have helped me understand and push through withdrawal symptoms that would have sent me running back to the can. I'll always be an addict, but I will never be a slave to nic again.
So a personal update. I've found my worst trigger. Boredom. I think part of it is just not being able to concentrate worth a damn. I'll start watching a movie, then have to rewind it after a few minutes cause I have no idea what I just watched. It's almost textbook ADD. I guess it just proves that the fog doesn't lift quickly.
ODAAT!
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I really appreciate everyone's help on here. I would have never made it this far if I were trying to do this alone. Everyone's experience and words of wisdom have helped me understand and push through withdrawal symptoms that would have sent me running back to the can. I'll always be an addict, but I will never be a slave to nic again.
So a personal update. I've found my worst trigger. Boredom. I think part of it is just not being able to concentrate worth a damn. I'll start watching a movie, then have to rewind it after a few minutes cause I have no idea what I just watched. It's almost textbook ADD. I guess it just proves that the fog doesn't lift quickly.
ODAAT!
The boredom got me for the longest time. I get anxious now when im bored, seeds helped me the most gave me that satisfaction while watching tv.
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The fog is REAl, so it is so important to keep busy. I quit during my the busiest time of year at work for me, and am still alive to tell the tale!
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Terribly depressed, can't concentrate, pissed at the world, cravings seem worse now than week one, headaches won't stop, and I can't get motivated to do anything. I'm a fucking wreck. It's not just a quit; it's a war. That being said, confession time. I bought a can late last night. I brought it home, stared at it for an hour, and cried like a fucking baby. Temptation was tearing me apart. I don't know how, but I managed to not open it. That fucking can's been my best friend for over 30 years. An evil, manipulating, controlling, toxic friend that I have to kill. Took a midnight drive and tossed it, unopened, in a dumpster. I'm a complete mess, but I'm still here fighting.
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Terribly depressed, can't concentrate, pissed at the world, cravings seem worse now than week one, headaches won't stop, and I can't get motivated to do anything. I'm a fucking wreck. It's not just a quit; it's a war. That being said, confession time. I bought a can late last night. I brought it home, stared at it for an hour, and cried like a fucking baby. Temptation was tearing me apart. I don't know how, but I managed to not open it. That fucking can's been my best friend for over 30 years. An evil, manipulating, controlling, toxic friend that I have to kill. Took a midnight drive and tossed it, unopened, in a dumpster. I'm a complete mess, but I'm still here fighting.
Damn Beast, good win on your part but you came really close to losing this quit, remember if you need someone to call ill send you my digits, Ill answer my phone and talk you out of buying a can.
Remember this is the start of the end,it sucks but Hang the hell in there one day at a time. remember its just a plant in a can you are having this much of a battle with.
You can beat this and will beat it we all went through it!!!!!
im quit with you
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Terribly depressed, can't concentrate, pissed at the world, cravings seem worse now than week one, headaches won't stop, and I can't get motivated to do anything. I'm a fucking wreck. It's not just a quit; it's a war. That being said, confession time. I bought a can late last night. I brought it home, stared at it for an hour, and cried like a fucking baby. Temptation was tearing me apart. I don't know how, but I managed to not open it. That fucking can's been my best friend for over 30 years. An evil, manipulating, controlling, toxic friend that I have to kill. Took a midnight drive and tossed it, unopened, in a dumpster. I'm a complete mess, but I'm still here fighting.
Damn Beast, good win on your part but you came really close to losing this quit, remember if you need someone to call ill send you my digits, Ill answer my phone and talk you out of buying a can.
Remember this is the start of the end,it sucks but Hang the hell in there one day at a time. remember its just a plant in a can you are having this much of a battle with.
You can beat this and will beat it we all went through it!!!!!
im quit with you
Anytime you need someone to talk you down off the ledge, brother, you have my number. Use it. But be warned, I don't take the word accountability lightly!!
Extremely proud of you for beating that crave down. There will be more, but you have the tools to deal with them. Beast = 1, Nic = 0. Keep it that way. Oh, and BTW, that can was NEVER your friend.....get that addict thought and addict speak out of your head. It is an insidious weed that seeks to control you. Don't let it.
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Feeling much better this week. Sitting at home dwelling on my quit just creates feedback in my head. Now I go for a walk when I get too stressed. Seems to be working pretty well.
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This is a fight for your life, and every day you don't use is a victory. I was at this stage (pre-30 day) when I learned how to text, and for the next couple of months that helped me get beyond the craves. Hell, I still have that Trac phone somewhere, it saved my life!
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Your group might give you a pat on the ass but I won't, you care to explain why you slipped into April, posted day 1 and left? 29 days quit you know a whole lot better. Tell me why anyone should believe a word you say now? Can you be trusted? This is real, this is not a game, you come in and say you are ready and want support and then you crap on everyone here.
Let's hear what it was, just know whatever your reason is it will never be good enough.
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What the fuck is this? Post in April and disappear? You owe us answers in November after taking a big old shit on us. Blogging in your journal isn't good enough pal. I'll be waiting for your answers in November and April. You were 5 days behind me. You could be 157 days quit right now and part of the HOF. What the fuck happened?