KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: enav on July 22, 2014, 12:29:00 PM
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Hi group. My name is Elton. From Louisiana and my quit date is July 19, 2014. Day 1 2 were not bad. Yesterday was day 3, not fun at all! Ok, it was pretty much horrible. I am thankful that I feel a lot better today on Day 4. This isnt my first rodeo with quitting, but its been a while and even longer since I was at this stage in a quit. I quit for a very long time in the past and relapsed a few years ago. Finally, I have arrived at a point where I want quit for myself and myself alone. Its been a exhausting process just to arrive here. I remember the first time I quit, not wanting to sacrifice the days without dip to take just one because nobody can have just one. With that the sense of accomplishment after you stack years up of not dipping. I know the the importance of never letting your guard down. Those days and years were a great deterrant until I found myself in a tremendous financial hardship a few years ago. Then, I dropped my guard and I remember thinking I can take a few pulls and put it down. Just enough to relax and satisfy these chest pains. LOL, I quickly realized how much I enjoyed it and been at it again for coming up approaching 3 years. My the time flys fast. I did get on here once, posted for a few days but wasnt prepared to quit for myself and decided to stay on the "D" train. So, I finally got myself to the right place of wanting to quit for myself and I'm determined to make it stick this time. Though its very early in my quit and I am only on day four, I am most thankful for yesterday. I hope I forever rembember how I felt yesterday. It will be the driving force of what deters me from ever making another skoal purchase or dip. I never want to feel like that again. I know I have the resolve and discipline to stay quit. All in all, blessed to be here. Gonna keep quitting one day at a time!
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Hi group. My name is Elton. From Louisiana and my quit date is July 19, 2014. Day 1 2 were not bad. Yesterday was day 3, not fun at all! Ok, it was pretty much horrible. I am thankful that I feel a lot better today on Day 4. This isnt my first rodeo with quitting, but its been a while and even longer since I was at this stage in a quit. I quit for a very long time in the past and relapsed a few years ago. Finally, I have arrived at a point where I want quit for myself and myself alone. Its been a exhausting process just to arrive here. I remember the first time I quit, not wanting to sacrifice the days without dip to take just one because nobody can have just one. With that the sense of accomplishment after you stack years up of not dipping. I know the the importance of never letting your guard down. Those days and years were a great deterrant until I found myself in a tremendous financial hardship a few years ago. Then, I dropped my guard and I remember thinking I can take a few pulls and put it down. Just enough to relax and satisfy these chest pains. LOL, I quickly realized how much I enjoyed it and been at it again for coming up approaching 3 years. My the time flys fast. I did get on here once, posted for a few days but wasnt prepared to quit for myself and decided to stay on the "D" train. So, I finally got myself to the right place of wanting to quit for myself and I'm determined to make it stick this time. Though its very early in my quit and I am only on day four, I am most thankful for yesterday. I hope I forever rembember how I felt yesterday. It will be the driving force of what deters me from ever making another skoal purchase or dip. I never want to feel like that again. I know I have the resolve and discipline to stay quit. All in all, blessed to be here. Gonna keep quitting one day at a time!
Just to be clear. You never quit before, you just stopped for a little while. Quitting requires a change in thinking, executed by a one day at a time philosophy. If this truly is your final quit, then you need to realize that those so called quits of the past, were actually just stoppages.
You can do this. Post roll every day, and make some friends. Follow the path.
I quit with you today.
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Welcome.
Like Grizz said... A change in your way of thinking is required. You absolutely have to get over the "how much I enjoyed it" thought process. It's an anchor. What you really enjoyed was not going through withdrawal. Don't "hope" to remember how bad the beginning feels... Actively work on keeping that at the front of your mind.
Get involved... Stay involved.
It works bro...
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I also believe your old quit group and new quit group need the following 3 questions answered:
1. What happened?
2. Why did it happen?
3. What will you do differently?
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It is obvious that you need to educate yourself. Start reading the welcome center and keep reading everything here... Glad to hear you are ready to quit.
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Thanks for the words. Just wanted to introduce myself. Simply working towards quitting one day at a time for the rest of my life.
Best of luck.
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I also believe your old quit group and new quit group need the following 3 questions answered:
1. What happened?
2. Why did it happen?
3. What will you do differently?
What sucks the most...is that you were originally a Jackwagin. How embarrassing!!! Now here you are...trying to sneak back in...knowing that you had to answer some questions first. It's a shame we even had to ask for them! You should've spent this past week thinking what to write in your answers. Instead, you write a silly introduction...including how much you enjoyed dipping the past 3 years?! I hope I'm wrong about you...but, I don't trust you...yet.
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You know the one thing that irritated me a bit the first time I came here was what I would consider asshats. People who communicate such as Skidoo.
The point is this. I don't need tough love, or head games from people like you Skidmark. I had no prior knowledge of it being a prerequisite or requirement for me to answer those three questions to post roll after a cave. Especially a cave nearly 2 years ago. When I found this site initially I recognized behavior such as yours. It repulsed me then as it does now. But I'll answer the questions for you.
1) I caved... Duhh
2) I did not quit for me, I quit for others.
3) not cave, I quit for me this time.
That doesn't take a week for me to ponder. So again to reiterate. I didn't sneak in here trying to hide something I knew nothing about. I came the first time in 2012 did some reading for a day or so. Jumped in the chat room and was more less pressured into quitting. With that I was quitting mainly because my wife hated it. Fast forward to now. I'm ready, I come back read some, post roll and then post a intro. Now I'm dealing with you. Lol anyway, I don't care if you trust me. I don't trust you. Further I don't know you. I'm going to really consider if I want to participate in this community. It does have plenty of good features but has negative connotation to it as well. And I'm not really wanting that vibe surrounding me. I will await to read your response as to how I can't quit any other way but this way.
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You know the one thing that irritated me a bit the first time I came here was what I would consider asshats. People who communicate such as Skidoo.
The point is this. I don't need tough love, or head games from people like you Skidmark. I had no prior knowledge of it being a prerequisite or requirement for me to answer those three questions to post roll after a cave. Especially a cave nearly 2 years ago. When I found this site initially I recognized behavior such as yours. It repulsed me then as it does now. But I'll answer the questions for you.
1) I caved... Duhh
2) I did not quit for me, I quit for others.
3) not cave, I quit for me this time.
That doesn't take a week for me to ponder. So again to reiterate. I didn't sneak in here trying to hide something I knew nothing about. I came the first time in 2012 did some reading for a day or so. Jumped in the chat room and was more less pressured into quitting. With that I was quitting mainly because my wife hated it. Fast forward to now. I'm ready, I come back read some, post roll and then post a intro. Now I'm dealing with you. Lol anyway, I don't care if you trust me. I don't trust you. Further I don't know you. I'm going to really consider if I want to participate in this community. It does have plenty of good features but has negative connotation to it as well. And I'm not really wanting that vibe surrounding me. I will await to read your response as to how I can't quit any other way but this way.
You are the one that caved and is crawling back. Lose the BS attitude and answer the questions like you care. Your answers are garbage and show no thought. If you are too good for that then you can hit the road as far as I'm concerned.
Wtf is an asshat anyhow? Does me telling you that you need to answer 3 questions better make me one?
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See ya, asshat part 2!
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You know the one thing that irritated me a bit the first time I came here was what I would consider asshats. People who communicate such as Skidoo.
The point is this. I don't need tough love, or head games from people like you Skidmark. I had no prior knowledge of it being a prerequisite or requirement for me to answer those three questions to post roll after a cave. Especially a cave nearly 2 years ago. When I found this site initially I recognized behavior such as yours. It repulsed me then as it does now. But I'll answer the questions for you.
1) I caved... Duhh
2) I did not quit for me, I quit for others.
3) not cave, I quit for me this time.
That doesn't take a week for me to ponder. So again to reiterate. I didn't sneak in here trying to hide something I knew nothing about. I came the first time in 2012 did some reading for a day or so. Jumped in the chat room and was more less pressured into quitting. With that I was quitting mainly because my wife hated it. Fast forward to now. I'm ready, I come back read some, post roll and then post a intro. Now I'm dealing with you. Lol anyway, I don't care if you trust me. I don't trust you. Further I don't know you. I'm going to really consider if I want to participate in this community. It does have plenty of good features but has negative connotation to it as well. And I'm not really wanting that vibe surrounding me. I will await to read your response as to how I can't quit any other way but this way.
You are the one that caved and is crawling back. Lose the BS attitude and answer the questions like you care. Your answers are garbage and show no thought. If you are too good for that then you can hit the road as far as I'm concerned.
Wtf is an asshat anyhow? Does me telling you that you need to answer 3 questions better make me one?
I'm with Derk. You should know better! You want the help and support of KTC? You came back for a reason, and that's b/c you know trying to quit on your own hasn't worked, but you haven't bothered to learn what it takes... I am the last one here to give tough love. I like to be positive and encouraging, but if you are a douche bag and can't humble yourself enough to follow the proven path, then go fuck off. I caved several times after stoppages, but not once since I started giving my word every damn day... If the 3 questions are too much for you go TRY and quit on your own or with some other support group. GOOD LUCK! PM me if you want to ask any questions, but if you are not ready to do it the KTC way don't waste our time...
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Antagonize a person and call them a douchebag and tell them to eff-off. It's the best way to communicate!
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Antagonize a person and call them a douchebag and tell them to eff-off. It's the best way to communicate!
Enav,
I'm really not big on the "false bravado" that I interpret many things here as either, but I'm also not big on people coming into someone else's house and taking a big old dump on the floor. That's what you're doing right now. There are rules of this site, and some of those are that if someone who previously caved comes back, they make a sincere answer to the 3 questions that have been posed to you. The purposes are for you to really have a plan for how to make it different, not just, well it's different because I'm different and honestly for people to see if you're serious before they put time and energy into helping you with your QUIT because everytime I reach out to someone and then they later cave, it hurts my Quit because that is time, energy and effort I could have been using to build a positive support network.
It's a big internet. This website isn't for everyone. There are other websites about quiting tobacco and nicotine, but if you're going to be on this one, you need to answer the 3 questions with meaning and join my Titans of Quit on roll call with the answers. If not, look elsewhere, but either way, Good Luck with your Quit.
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Thanks for the words. Just wanted to introduce myself. Simply working towards quitting one day at a time for the rest of my life.
Best of luck.
Other than this intro, you had a total of 5 posts the first time you tried.
It's obvious you didn't use this site the way it was intended. This is your chance to change that, but first you have to change the way you think about quitting.
I want to zero in on your words above. Quit is on or off... you are quit or you are not. There is no working towards it, no luck, no try. Put your name on roll call. Treat that as your sacred promise. do whatever you have to to get through the day. Doesn't matter how hard it is, or what is going on in your life... if you put your name on roll, you gave me your WORD that you will not use today. No matter what. Do this and you are quit. Do anything else and you will cave- it is just a question of when.
The 3 questions that these other dooshbags are trying to get you to answer? These questions have a purpose... they are to get you to think about why you failed and how you can prevent it.
Don't take the support they are offering you lightly.... They will have your back if you let them.
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I'm going to try this again. Had a member of my quit group reach out to me. And advised me to answer the questions and stick around. So I did. Here or my non pissed answers.
1. I came here first in Oct 2012 more less researching. I had been under a lot of pressure from my wife to quit. I went into the chat room. There the people were helpful but were pushing hard for me to post role. Honestly, I was not ready to quit for myself at that time. I was quitting to get my wife off my rear and wasn't at the point of hating nicotine.
2. It happened because I was not ready quit in 2012. I came for a few days, stopped posting and caved shortly thereafter. I wasn't committed like I should have been to posting. I didn't post roll that day! I don't remember at what point I picked it up again. I do know that I stopped posting first and caved after.
3. This time I quit for myself and I'm ready. I set out to post daily for accountability. I like that about this site and recognize the importance. I want to be able to help others in the future when I'm further down the road. Anyway if I can I'd like to keep posting roll here and become involved. I'm in the game.
I am doing this because I don't want to leave here. I recognize the benefit of the team effort. I'm staying, and got connected in my quit group. I don't have to like everyone or be on board with their tactics. But I'm going to do what's I think is best for me and keep posting roll.
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I'm going to try this again. Had a member of my quit group reach out to me. And advised me to answer the questions and stick around. So I did. Here or my non pissed answers.
1. I came here first in Oct 2012 more less researching. I had been under a lot of pressure from my wife to quit. I went into the chat room. There the people were helpful but were pushing hard for me to post role. Honestly, I was not ready to quit for myself at that time. I was quitting to get my wife off my rear and wasn't at the point of hating nicotine.
2. It happened because I was not ready quit in 2012. I came for a few days, stopped posting and caved shortly thereafter. I wasn't committed like I should have been to posting. I didn't post roll that day! I don't remember at what point I picked it up again. I do know that I stopped posting first and caved after.
3. This time I quit for myself and I'm ready. I set out to post daily for accountability. I like that about this site and recognize the importance. I want to be able to help others in the future when I'm further down the road. Anyway if I can I'd like to keep posting roll here and become involved. I'm in the game.
I am doing this because I don't want to leave here. I recognize the benefit of the team effort. I'm staying, and got connected in my quit group. I don't have to like everyone or be on board with their tactics. But I'm going to do what's I think is best for me and keep posting roll.
Quitting for you is key. Posting roll is a decision you make. Do it and keep your word.
You are not the first person to roll into KTC with an attitude. "Their tactics" are just people trying to help you. You can't see that today. I get that. One day you will.
My recommendation is to listen to people giving you advice and don't fight the system. The KTC way works. You can do this.
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I can accept that. I can also offer a apology for my frustration and any insults I hurled yesterday. I'm here to stay, and focused on staying quit one day at a time.
Thanks-
Elton
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I can accept that. I can also offer a apology for my frustration and any insults I hurled yesterday. I'm here to stay, and focused on staying quit one day at a time.
Thanks-
Elton
Apology accepted, now let's get back to quittin'.
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I can accept that. I can also offer a apology for my frustration and any insults I hurled yesterday. I'm here to stay, and focused on staying quit one day at a time.
Thanks-
Elton
That's the response you needed to give Elton, and believe me, we get the fact that you are going to be in a bad mood for a while. The rage you feel will serve you best if you keep it focused on the poison weed and the real douche bags who push it. The soul-less bastards at big tobacco rob and kill their customers every day and get away with it b/c of all the money to be made selling the most addictive drug on the planet.
Read everything on KTC starting with the welcome center, and then keep going. Seriously, read everything here... There is so much misinformation, propaganda, and myth about nicotine out there, and it is that way for the purpose of keeping the tobacco industry money train rolling. The truth can set you free, and the truth is here...
PM me if you need another #
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B-loMatt Thumblewort,
Yesterday was just one of those days for me. There aren't any excuses, I know quitting for good isn't a picnic. Especially at the beginning. I realize to quit you have to pay the price and that comes with some pain. I see the benefit of having others to help that's why I couldn't walk away.
Thanks again
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B-loMatt Thumblewort,
Yesterday was just one of those days for me. There aren't any excuses, I know quitting for good isn't a picnic. Especially at the beginning. I realize to quit you have to pay the price and that comes with some pain. I see the benefit of having others to help that's why I couldn't walk away.
Thanks again
No worries man.
Really wrapping your head around the fact that you are an addict is a shocking revelation. Hell... I didn't really accept it for a good long while. Plus... This whole forum full of over passionate, over testosteroned people was waaaay outa my wheelhouse. But... I had to quit. I wanted to quit.
This is the place.
Rage away m'man... We get it. We've been there. Stick with it and stay involved. You need any help just let me know. I'm a pm away.
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B-loMatt Thumblewort,
Yesterday was just one of those days for me. There aren't any excuses, I know quitting for good isn't a picnic. Especially at the beginning. I realize to quit you have to pay the price and that comes with some pain. I see the benefit of having others to help that's why I couldn't walk away.
Thanks again
No worries man.
Really wrapping your head around the fact that you are an addict is a shocking revelation. Hell... I didn't really accept it for a good long while. Plus... This whole forum full of over passionate, over testosteroned people was waaaay outa my wheelhouse. But... I had to quit. I wanted to quit.
This is the place.
Rage away m'man... We get it. We've been there. Stick with it and stay involved. You need any help just let me know. I'm a pm away.
The rage means you are quitting brother, and that is why we are all here.
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B-loMatt Thumblewort,
Yesterday was just one of those days for me. There aren't any excuses, I know quitting for good isn't a picnic. Especially at the beginning. I realize to quit you have to pay the price and that comes with some pain. I see the benefit of having others to help that's why I couldn't walk away.
Thanks again
No worries man.
Really wrapping your head around the fact that you are an addict is a shocking revelation. Hell... I didn't really accept it for a good long while. Plus... This whole forum full of over passionate, over testosteroned people was waaaay outa my wheelhouse. But... I had to quit. I wanted to quit.
This is the place.
Rage away m'man... We get it. We've been there. Stick with it and stay involved. You need any help just let me know. I'm a pm away.
The rage means you are quitting brother, and that is why we are all here.
Do this one day at a time. Don't think about forever. Win today. I quit with you today.
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B-loMatt Thumblewort,
Yesterday was just one of those days for me. There aren't any excuses, I know quitting for good isn't a picnic. Especially at the beginning. I realize to quit you have to pay the price and that comes with some pain. I see the benefit of having others to help that's why I couldn't walk away.
Thanks again
No worries man.
Really wrapping your head around the fact that you are an addict is a shocking revelation. Hell... I didn't really accept it for a good long while. Plus... This whole forum full of over passionate, over testosteroned people was waaaay outa my wheelhouse. But... I had to quit. I wanted to quit.
This is the place.
Rage away m'man... We get it. We've been there. Stick with it and stay involved. You need any help just let me know. I'm a pm away.
The rage means you are quitting brother, and that is why we are all here.
Do this one day at a time. Don't think about forever. Win today. I quit with you today.
Day 5 - you're almost through the fog. Keep it up and be strong.
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B-loMatt Thumblewort,
Yesterday was just one of those days for me. There aren't any excuses, I know quitting for good isn't a picnic. Especially at the beginning. I realize to quit you have to pay the price and that comes with some pain. I see the benefit of having others to help that's why I couldn't walk away.
Thanks again
No worries man.
Really wrapping your head around the fact that you are an addict is a shocking revelation. Hell... I didn't really accept it for a good long while. Plus... This whole forum full of over passionate, over testosteroned people was waaaay outa my wheelhouse. But... I had to quit. I wanted to quit.
This is the place.
Rage away m'man... We get it. We've been there. Stick with it and stay involved. You need any help just let me know. I'm a pm away.
The rage means you are quitting brother, and that is why we are all here.
Do this one day at a time. Don't think about forever. Win today. I quit with you today.
Day 5 - you're almost through the fog. Keep it up and be strong.
You got this, Enav. 5 days is huge! Come in here or Chat to rage anytime, don't take it out on your family or friends. Rage on us, we can take it, no apologies necessary!
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Thanks fellas!
It's crazy, I wake up feel pretty good from not the best night of sleep. Get on here and read others struggles. It breaks my heart man. I've had to wipe tears out of my eyes a few times this morning. However I do find it to be pissing me off now. Honestly it's disgusts me. It makes me reflect and realize the selfish poor decisions I've made since starting back. And what's worse is my excuse for starting is gone, and now I am dealing with quitting again. This too shall pass!
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Thanks fellas!
It's crazy, I wake up feel pretty good from not the best night of sleep. Get on here and read others struggles. It breaks my heart man. I've had to wipe tears out of my eyes a few times this morning. However I do find it to be pissing me off now. Honestly it's disgusts me. It makes me reflect and realize the selfish poor decisions I've made since starting back. And what's worse is my excuse for starting is gone, and now I am dealing with quitting again. This too shall pass!
You can't change the past, but you can quit for today! I used to have regrets as well, but why bother, it's done.
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Thanks fellas!
It's crazy, I wake up feel pretty good from not the best night of sleep. Get on here and read others struggles. It breaks my heart man. I've had to wipe tears out of my eyes a few times this morning. However I do find it to be pissing me off now. Honestly it's disgusts me. It makes me reflect and realize the selfish poor decisions I've made since starting back. And what's worse is my excuse for starting is gone, and now I am dealing with quitting again. This too shall pass!
You can't change the past, but you can quit for today! I used to have regrets as well, but why bother, it's done.
Use the negative feelings to fuel your quit. It worked for many of us. And your intro is a place to rant, rage, and vent if you need it! You are winning!
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Where in LA do you reside enav? I'm in slidell the land of milk and honey
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Morgan City Tarpon17! We can hook up sometime. I pass through there and come to Nola on a regular basis.
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Glad to have kicked off day 6! My day started at 4:30, it used to start at 6:00-6:30 but staying asleep is rather evasive at this time. I went back and read my intro and all the posts and man I was in the fog and acting like a punk ass! Six days into my quit I feel my mind getting right as the nicotine is leaving my body. The best way I can describe it is that when you are using a dangerous substance you have scales over your eyes! As you rid yourself of that they come off and you can see clearly again. I'm seeing better today than I have in a long time.
I've been doing a lot of internal inventory, especially since I got back on here. When I came back I sincerely desired to quit once and for all. But my mind was scrambled when I deprived the nicotine out from it. Let's go a bit back in time. Age 14, I'd swipe a can of skoal long cut wintergreen from my dad and hide it. Sneak dips on my bike. Trying to be like pops. Played sports since I was 5 always, baseball, basketball, and football through high school. Of Course all the cool jocks dipped. I joined the Coast Guard in 96' and stopped for 8 weeks for boot camp. The very first thing I did when I got off base was buy a can. Stupid... Right around the age of 22 I stopped before I got married. My soon to be wife hated it, and I knew I didn't want to live a life of that or eventfully loose my life or face. It was hard, but I stopped for nearly 13 years and some change.
All was going well in my life! The only thought I had about it was, man these guys are paying nearly $5 a can to eat that crap. They are friggen crazy! I didn't miss it, didn't think about it. At this point I was out of the Coast Guard, in business for myself doing great. Growing multiple businesses and making a lot of cash. A partner and I got together and acquired two assets that required refurbishment. We hit the max lending capacity from the bank during the credit crisis and had to pony up out of pocket 2.5M each to complete the projects. This is basically us going all in at that point. Because the bank was not coming off anymore cash. While waiting on our term financing I receive a call from a hedge fund manager saying they bought my loan and wanted to know when he could get his 5 million. So to understand, I owed them 5 million and we invested 5 million cash to finish. This shook me to the core. Everything I had worked for potentially could go down the drain. So I got into a legal war with a group that had more money than the government. During that war, at around age 36 I'm having chest pains, anxiety, fear all the crap that would persuade a person to cave in! I don't say any of that for pitty. Make no mistake, sometimes crap just happens and it's not your fault. But I didn't guard the fact that I had quit. Nor did I have enough sense to realize this problem will go away and you'll have a big demon to fight that can take your life!
When going through this I spent a lot of time running, not on my feet but away from the problem. Eventually, before going escape in my boat to go fishing while purchasing my launch pass and said give me a can of skoal long cut wintergreen ma'am. I thought I'll take a few dips to relieve my stress and throw it away. Knowing full well that if you take one! I was writing a check that my ass can't cash! I let the arrogance of I quit before, I won't be do it for long. Good lies to hear from yourself. It wasn't long and as you know it had me by the balls again. All because I allowed it. My wife found out and it created a war zone. Because I was hiding it, I was ashamed. I came here in 2012 wanting to quit partially for myself but by in large due to her riding me hard. I stayed a few days and caved... The first few days were too hard on this fool. I punked out.
I had recently been wanting to quit for a while. Doing the ole I'm gonna buy this one last can bit. Only to find my dumb ass at the store doing the cycle. Few weeks ago I was gonna go cold turkey. Only problem was we were going on vacation. I didn't want to screw up the vacation with the nic fiening so I started to wien then. The next week I cut a little more, but wish I would have gone cold turkey there. As soon as I got back I picked a quit date. I stopped that day and started marking days off the calendar. First two weren't bad. But I came back here on day 3 because I feel accountability is crucial. I didn't know about the questions. I just knew it would be helpful for me to check in, read, and vent if need be. I ran into a fog induced buzz saw. Lol, and that's good. I needed to hear the stuff you guys said to me. Like hey bro, you stopped before not quit. If you were quit, you wouldn't have done it again. I now understand why guys get so pissed about it because it's hard to overcome and it hurts to see people be willing to damage their lives over this crap. I used to think man I need to take a dip to relax. But now I realize, hey jackass you need to take a dip to feed your addiction to nicotine. Not to relax, because you now have headaches and can't sleep because your body is confused as hell because your blood vessels aren't restricting.
It's good to have some clarity now. I'm not going back to that crap again! Especially since this is out of my system now. I'm going to post roll, be there for others and die to self every day to live a long life and not be a slave to a deadly substance. Thanks guys for the tough love in the first few days. I owe you one, I needed you and you saved me! Much love and appreciation! Elton
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We need you as much as you need us. Proud to be quit with you today Elton!
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Glad to have kicked off day 6! My day started at 4:30, it used to start at 6:00-6:30 but staying asleep is rather evasive at this time. I went back and read my intro and all the posts and man I was in the fog and acting like a punk ass! Six days into my quit I feel my mind getting right as the nicotine is leaving my body. The best way I can describe it is that when you are using a dangerous substance you have scales over your eyes! As you rid yourself of that they come off and you can see clearly again. I'm seeing better today than I have in a long time.
I've been doing a lot of internal inventory, especially since I got back on here. When I came back I sincerely desired to quit once and for all. But my mind was scrambled when I deprived the nicotine out from it. Let's go a bit back in time. Age 14, I'd swipe a can of skoal long cut wintergreen from my dad and hide it. Sneak dips on my bike. Trying to be like pops. Played sports since I was 5 always, baseball, basketball, and football through high school. Of Course all the cool jocks dipped. I joined the Coast Guard in 96' and stopped for 8 weeks for boot camp. The very first thing I did when I got off base was buy a can. Stupid... Right around the age of 22 I stopped before I got married. My soon to be wife hated it, and I knew I didn't want to live a life of that or eventfully loose my life or face. It was hard, but I stopped for nearly 13 years and some change.
All was going well in my life! The only thought I had about it was, man these guys are paying nearly $5 a can to eat that crap. They are friggen crazy! I didn't miss it, didn't think about it. At this point I was out of the Coast Guard, in business for myself doing great. Growing multiple businesses and making a lot of cash. A partner and I got together and acquired two assets that required refurbishment. We hit the max lending capacity from the bank during the credit crisis and had to pony up out of pocket 2.5M each to complete the projects. This is basically us going all in at that point. Because the bank was not coming off anymore cash. While waiting on our term financing I receive a call from a hedge fund manager saying they bought my loan and wanted to know when he could get his 5 million. So to understand, I owed them 5 million and we invested 5 million cash to finish. This shook me to the core. Everything I had worked for potentially could go down the drain. So I got into a legal war with a group that had more money than the government. During that war, at around age 36 I'm having chest pains, anxiety, fear all the crap that would persuade a person to cave in! I don't say any of that for pitty. Make no mistake, sometimes crap just happens and it's not your fault. But I didn't guard the fact that I had quit. Nor did I have enough sense to realize this problem will go away and you'll have a big demon to fight that can take your life!
When going through this I spent a lot of time running, not on my feet but away from the problem. Eventually, before going escape in my boat to go fishing while purchasing my launch pass and said give me a can of skoal long cut wintergreen ma'am. I thought I'll take a few dips to relieve my stress and throw it away. Knowing full well that if you take one! I was writing a check that my ass can't cash! I let the arrogance of I quit before, I won't be do it for long. Good lies to hear from yourself. It wasn't long and as you know it had me by the balls again. All because I allowed it. My wife found out and it created a war zone. Because I was hiding it, I was ashamed. I came here in 2012 wanting to quit partially for myself but by in large due to her riding me hard. I stayed a few days and caved... The first few days were too hard on this fool. I punked out.
I had recently been wanting to quit for a while. Doing the ole I'm gonna buy this one last can bit. Only to find my dumb ass at the store doing the cycle. Few weeks ago I was gonna go cold turkey. Only problem was we were going on vacation. I didn't want to screw up the vacation with the nic fiening so I started to wien then. The next week I cut a little more, but wish I would have gone cold turkey there. As soon as I got back I picked a quit date. I stopped that day and started marking days off the calendar. First two weren't bad. But I came back here on day 3 because I feel accountability is crucial. I didn't know about the questions. I just knew it would be helpful for me to check in, read, and vent if need be. I ran into a fog induced buzz saw. Lol, and that's good. I needed to hear the stuff you guys said to me. Like hey bro, you stopped before not quit. If you were quit, you wouldn't have done it again. I now understand why guys get so pissed about it because it's hard to overcome and it hurts to see people be willing to damage their lives over this crap. I used to think man I need to take a dip to relax. But now I realize, hey jackass you need to take a dip to feed your addiction to nicotine. Not to relax, because you now have headaches and can't sleep because your body is confused as hell because your blood vessels aren't restricting.
It's good to have some clarity now. I'm not going back to that crap again! Especially since this is out of my system now. I'm going to post roll, be there for others and die to self every day to live a long life and not be a slave to a deadly substance. Thanks guys for the tough love in the first few days. I owe you one, I needed you and you saved me! Much love and appreciation! Elton
'oh yeah'
That is a bad ass self reflection my friend. You need anything, holler out. PM coming your way.
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Been real busy at work today. I'm going to my first quit group and apologize for being a punk ass The first go round!
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If your in HOF October 2012 I posted my apology and answers to the three questions. Checked pride and the door and donned the humility that is due....
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If your in HOF October 2012 I posted my apology and answers to the three questions. Checked pride and the door and donned the humility that is due....
Well done enav! Nice to see you find some clarity thru the fog. Own it today brother! Quit with you all day long!
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Brother I am so glad to have you with me in the Titans. Also good to have a fellow Coastie on board. Your going to have all the accountability you can stand. Your QUIT affects my QUIT, and you already know I guard the shit out of my Quit.
Powerful reflection this morning.
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Thanks my brothers! Protecting it like a guard dog! Need everyone of ya!
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Ten days in I'm sitting here continually reflecting. As I think about my day one the word isolation comes to mind. The thought of day three and how I was immersed in fog, sitting in my office at computer pulling up the KTC site. All I could do is start reading info again. The truth is I knew that I needed accountability to stay quit. I knew I came here before and did not do the work it took to stay quit. That's why I vanished.
When I came back I knew the importance of me being here. Even though I didn't want to accept some of the things I needed to do at the time to stay. As most of you know addiction to nic is not humble. She fights back very sting. I grappled with my addiction and frustration and just did the best I could to be allowed a part of the Titans. I had some gracious guys reach out to me and for them I am forever grateful. I know my quit is still young and things are not always easy but they are 100% better than the first 4-5 days and much better than being a user/hider.
The most amazing part of this journey is the friends I'm making. They didn't know me from Adam and they have my back. They pull me up from a rut, they talk trash with me and we have a incredible bond. As we keep our word to one another one day at a time, every day I'm proud to be quit with you Titans. Each day without a dip is a day closer to it being a distant memory!
Enav
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If your in HOF October 2012 I posted my apology and answers to the three questions. Checked pride and the door and donned the humility that is due....
your first HOF group would have been January 13 Jackwagins thats where your answer should have been.
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I have no problem with going there too!
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Done! Thank you for pointing that out to me . Sorry for caving on you then. It's not going to happen again. You have my word. ODAAT
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I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the fuck up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.
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I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the fuck up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.
See that's what I be thinking too!!! Haha
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On to day 19...
Each day is a continual reflection of the last for me! So far 19 is better than 18. I am thankful to have fell into a great quit group in October. I've learned to rely on them for support and also offer support. Realizing especially this quit isn't all about me. Going to the top of the mountain isn't as fun as if you drag as many up there as you can. I'm thankful to have a few nic free days behind me. Those are the jewels that keep me pressing forward, having sacrificed many nic free days for a cave in the past. One thing I find interesting is how this addiction affects all so similarly. We have the same attitude when we fail and come back. The inner nic addict is so cunning and arrogant. But internally we know this process can work. I've lived and seen seen it a lot over the last few weeks. And have come to realize that the harsh talk is what the nic addict needs to hear. As I progress I can only be thankful for those who reached down and picked me up "with those harsh words". Because the realist in me knows it's what I needed. Today I remain humbled and greatfull for the network of BAQ that I've come to call friends, my brothers and sisters! ODAAT we will keep pimp slappin' the nic whore!
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On to day 19...
Each day is a continual reflection of the last for me! So far 19 is better than 18. I am thankful to have fell into a great quit group in October. I've learned to rely on them for support and also offer support. Realizing especially this quit isn't all about me. Going to the top of the mountain isn't as fun as if you drag as many up there as you can. I'm thankful to have a few nic free days behind me. Those are the jewels that keep me pressing forward, having sacrificed many nic free days for a cave in the past. One thing I find interesting is how this addiction affects all so similarly. We have the same attitude when we fail and come back. The inner nic addict is so cunning and arrogant. But internally we know this process can work. I've lived and seen seen it a lot over the last few weeks. And have come to realize that the harsh talk is what the nic addict needs to hear. As I progress I can only be thankful for those who reached down and picked me up "with those harsh words". Because the realist in me knows it's what I needed. Today I remain humbled and greatfull for the network of BAQ that I've come to call friends, my brothers and sisters! ODAAT we will keep pimp slappin' the nic whore!
Hadn't read this intro until now...what a roller coaster heh? But this, is a great journal of quit. We have all the elements...forced quit...caving...attitude adjustment...and ultimately the making of one badass MF'n quitter. Early in this quit you are illustrating a motto of mine that I realized about 2 months in. Seeing yourself, the addict, through the eyes of a quitter. Making that revelation can knock you flat on your ass; it's powerful, and you are journaling that revelation. Keep it up bro.
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On to day 19...
Each day is a continual reflection of the last for me! So far 19 is better than 18. I am thankful to have fell into a great quit group in October. I've learned to rely on them for support and also offer support. Realizing especially this quit isn't all about me. Going to the top of the mountain isn't as fun as if you drag as many up there as you can. I'm thankful to have a few nic free days behind me. Those are the jewels that keep me pressing forward, having sacrificed many nic free days for a cave in the past. One thing I find interesting is how this addiction affects all so similarly. We have the same attitude when we fail and come back. The inner nic addict is so cunning and arrogant. But internally we know this process can work. I've lived and seen seen it a lot over the last few weeks. And have come to realize that the harsh talk is what the nic addict needs to hear. As I progress I can only be thankful for those who reached down and picked me up "with those harsh words". Because the realist in me knows it's what I needed. Today I remain humbled and greatfull for the network of BAQ that I've come to call friends, my brothers and sisters! ODAAT we will keep pimp slappin' the nic whore!
Hadn't read this intro until now...what a roller coaster heh? But this, is a great journal of quit. We have all the elements...forced quit...caving...attitude adjustment...and ultimately the making of one badass MF'n quitter. Early in this quit you are illustrating a motto of mine that I realized about 2 months in. Seeing yourself, the addict, through the eyes of a quitter. Making that revelation can knock you flat on your ass; it's powerful, and you are journaling that revelation. Keep it up bro.
It's been a pleasure thus far evav, watching your quit develop. Not only you, but October as a whole. What a special group you have going, so far. The group is the group it is, because of the quitters who reside in it. Keep up the solid quit, reach out when needed, and help when others ask. You are killing it, brother. I'll quit w/ you any day!
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On to day 19...
Each day is a continual reflection of the last for me! So far 19 is better than 18. I am thankful to have fell into a great quit group in October. I've learned to rely on them for support and also offer support. Realizing especially this quit isn't all about me. Going to the top of the mountain isn't as fun as if you drag as many up there as you can. I'm thankful to have a few nic free days behind me. Those are the jewels that keep me pressing forward, having sacrificed many nic free days for a cave in the past. One thing I find interesting is how this addiction affects all so similarly. We have the same attitude when we fail and come back. The inner nic addict is so cunning and arrogant. But internally we know this process can work. I've lived and seen seen it a lot over the last few weeks. And have come to realize that the harsh talk is what the nic addict needs to hear. As I progress I can only be thankful for those who reached down and picked me up "with those harsh words". Because the realist in me knows it's what I needed. Today I remain humbled and greatfull for the network of BAQ that I've come to call friends, my brothers and sisters! ODAAT we will keep pimp slappin' the nic whore!
Hadn't read this intro until now...what a roller coaster heh? But this, is a great journal of quit. We have all the elements...forced quit...caving...attitude adjustment...and ultimately the making of one badass MF'n quitter. Early in this quit you are illustrating a motto of mine that I realized about 2 months in. Seeing yourself, the addict, through the eyes of a quitter. Making that revelation can knock you flat on your ass; it's powerful, and you are journaling that revelation. Keep it up bro.
Thanks brother. I hoped that others that research this site may click on some intros and as you said look at mine and see what the mind does over time. Especially that of a nicotine addict from the time of full blow withdrawal to once it's out of the system. I've watched others come in with the same disposition. Everybody's billy badass not wanting to hear a word until you are flat on your back with no where else to turn. I'm a example of that. Maybe it can spare some others a little anxiety. Lol, probably not because the nic bitch is fighting hard for control over the first week or so... But anyway glad to have stuck it out and not let the nic bitch persuade my ego to do otherwise. Egos gotta be checked at the door!
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On to day 19...
Each day is a continual reflection of the last for me! So far 19 is better than 18. I am thankful to have fell into a great quit group in October. I've learned to rely on them for support and also offer support. Realizing especially this quit isn't all about me. Going to the top of the mountain isn't as fun as if you drag as many up there as you can. I'm thankful to have a few nic free days behind me. Those are the jewels that keep me pressing forward, having sacrificed many nic free days for a cave in the past. One thing I find interesting is how this addiction affects all so similarly. We have the same attitude when we fail and come back. The inner nic addict is so cunning and arrogant. But internally we know this process can work. I've lived and seen seen it a lot over the last few weeks. And have come to realize that the harsh talk is what the nic addict needs to hear. As I progress I can only be thankful for those who reached down and picked me up "with those harsh words". Because the realist in me knows it's what I needed. Today I remain humbled and greatfull for the network of BAQ that I've come to call friends, my brothers and sisters! ODAAT we will keep pimp slappin' the nic whore!
Hadn't read this intro until now...what a roller coaster heh? But this, is a great journal of quit. We have all the elements...forced quit...caving...attitude adjustment...and ultimately the making of one badass MF'n quitter. Early in this quit you are illustrating a motto of mine that I realized about 2 months in. Seeing yourself, the addict, through the eyes of a quitter. Making that revelation can knock you flat on your ass; it's powerful, and you are journaling that revelation. Keep it up bro.
Thanks brother. I hoped that others that research this site may click on some intros and as you said look at mine and see what the mind does over time. Especially that of a nicotine addict from the time of full blow withdrawal to once it's out of the system. I've watched others come in with the same disposition. Everybody's billy badass not wanting to hear a word until you are flat on your back with no where else to turn. I'm a example of that. Maybe it can spare some others a little anxiety. Lol, probably not because the nic bitch is fighting hard for control over the first week or so... But anyway glad to have stuck it out and not let the nic bitch persuade my ego to do otherwise. Egos gotta be checked at the door!
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Great log Enav. Proud to be quitting with you brother. ODAAT.
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Great log Enav. Proud to be quitting with you brother. ODAAT.
Amen! Love your story Enav and I love quitting with you!
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Posting this at day 31 today. Each day is better and better support and friends I've made along the way are incredible. They are a true blessing. Today is special to me because it's the first birthday I've spent nic free in around three years. The best gift I feel that I have is one of my own choice and free will. The monetary value is to be considered but mainly the freedom could never have a price laid upon it. With that I consider being nic free that best birthday gift that I could have. So as I consider this I am thankful for the many BAQ's that I consider brothers and sisters and grateful that we can together kick this addiction in the grill every day together!
Much love and appreciation from dis cat from down da' bayou!
Elton
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Posting this at day 31 today. Each day is better and better support and friends I've made along the way are incredible. They are a true blessing. Today is special to me because it's the first birthday I've spent nic free in around three years. The best gift I feel that I have is one of my own choice and free will. The monetary value is to be considered but mainly the freedom could never have a price laid upon it. With that I consider being nic free that best birthday gift that I could have. So as I consider this I am thankful for the many BAQ's that I consider brothers and sisters and grateful that we can together kick this addiction in the grill every day together!
Much love and appreciation from dis cat from down da' bayou!
Elton
Happy Birthday with many more to come, proud to be quit with you this time around the sun!
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Decided to write a little piece into my log/journal of quit today. Sitting at 62 days clean of nicotine gives me a lot of joy and gratitude. But with that I've come to realize the road to freedom is long and and at times treacherous. The best part of it is you can do anything for 24 hours.
The last few weeks have been challenging. The mental aspect in many ways can be as excruciating as the physical and mind games at the beginning. With that I'm grateful for my quit brothers and sister! They have been the glue to keep it together. I also have came clean as the ninja dipper I was to my wife. Gave up my stash spots, where I went and how I pulled it off. It went great! Life is getting back to what I consider normal. Each day I am quit I realize the grip on life nicotine has on people. I have a bunch of people in my life that still dip. I hope that they become ready to quit, so I can direct them to a place like this. But I know they have to be ready for themselves! Any-how Quit on!
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Decided to write a little piece into my log/journal of quit today. Sitting at 62 days clean of nicotine gives me a lot of joy and gratitude. But with that I've come to realize the road to freedom is long and and at times treacherous. The best part of it is you can do anything for 24 hours.
The last few weeks have been challenging. The mental aspect in many ways can be as excruciating as the physical and mind games at the beginning. With that I'm grateful for my quit brothers and sister! They have been the glue to keep it together. I also have came clean as the ninja dipper I was to my wife. Gave up my stash spots, where I went and how I pulled it off. It went great! Life is getting back to what I consider normal. Each day I am quit I realize the grip on life nicotine has on people. I have a bunch of people in my life that still dip. I hope that they become ready to quit, so I can direct them to a place like this. But I know they have to be ready for themselves! Any-how Quit on!
very nice job in coming clean as that is a weight that is not necessary to be held to oneself.
keep on with that bond in your group, use them for anything so that you know for certain that you all are there for one another as there does come times when they are needed, and not just for quitting nicotine.
be good my friend.
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Decided to write a little piece into my log/journal of quit today. Sitting at 62 days clean of nicotine gives me a lot of joy and gratitude. But with that I've come to realize the road to freedom is long and and at times treacherous. The best part of it is you can do anything for 24 hours.
The last few weeks have been challenging. The mental aspect in many ways can be as excruciating as the physical and mind games at the beginning. With that I'm grateful for my quit brothers and sister! They have been the glue to keep it together. I also have came clean as the ninja dipper I was to my wife. Gave up my stash spots, where I went and how I pulled it off. It went great! Life is getting back to what I consider normal. Each day I am quit I realize the grip on life nicotine has on people. I have a bunch of people in my life that still dip. I hope that they become ready to quit, so I can direct them to a place like this. But I know they have to be ready for themselves! Any-how Quit on!
very nice job in coming clean as that is a weight that is not necessary to be held to oneself.
keep on with that bond in your group, use them for anything so that you know for certain that you all are there for one another as there does come times when they are needed, and not just for quitting nicotine.
be good my friend.
Thanks SD!
Your right, ninja dipping is a weight in itself. I had to come clean once she clued in on my texting and chatting. I busted her looking at my phone when I got out the shower. Lol, she was seeing if I had a side slice I guess. At that point I had to put it out there!
Nonetheless, Thankful for the Vets that are willing to impart support in whatever means necessary to keep folks quit! Have a great day friend!
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Decided to write a little piece into my log/journal of quit today. Sitting at 62 days clean of nicotine gives me a lot of joy and gratitude. But with that I've come to realize the road to freedom is long and and at times treacherous. The best part of it is you can do anything for 24 hours.
The last few weeks have been challenging. The mental aspect in many ways can be as excruciating as the physical and mind games at the beginning. With that I'm grateful for my quit brothers and sister! They have been the glue to keep it together. I also have came clean as the ninja dipper I was to my wife. Gave up my stash spots, where I went and how I pulled it off. It went great! Life is getting back to what I consider normal. Each day I am quit I realize the grip on life nicotine has on people. I have a bunch of people in my life that still dip. I hope that they become ready to quit, so I can direct them to a place like this. But I know they have to be ready for themselves! Any-how Quit on!
very nice job in coming clean as that is a weight that is not necessary to be held to oneself.
keep on with that bond in your group, use them for anything so that you know for certain that you all are there for one another as there does come times when they are needed, and not just for quitting nicotine.
be good my friend.
Thanks SD!
Your right, ninja dipping is a weight in itself. I had to come clean once she clued in on my texting and chatting. I busted her looking at my phone when I got out the shower. Lol, she was seeing if I had a side slice I guess. At that point I had to put it out there!
Nonetheless, Thankful for the Vets that are willing to impart support in whatever means necessary to keep folks quit! Have a great day friend!
Awesome post enav. The burden that has been lifted off your chest must feel awesome. Freedom. You're not a slave today. Keep quitting, keep posting roll, and it just will continue to get better and better.
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Decided to write a little piece into my log/journal of quit today. Sitting at 62 days clean of nicotine gives me a lot of joy and gratitude. But with that I've come to realize the road to freedom is long and and at times treacherous. The best part of it is you can do anything for 24 hours.
The last few weeks have been challenging. The mental aspect in many ways can be as excruciating as the physical and mind games at the beginning. With that I'm grateful for my quit brothers and sister! They have been the glue to keep it together. I also have came clean as the ninja dipper I was to my wife. Gave up my stash spots, where I went and how I pulled it off. It went great! Life is getting back to what I consider normal. Each day I am quit I realize the grip on life nicotine has on people. I have a bunch of people in my life that still dip. I hope that they become ready to quit, so I can direct them to a place like this. But I know they have to be ready for themselves! Any-how Quit on!
very nice job in coming clean as that is a weight that is not necessary to be held to oneself.
keep on with that bond in your group, use them for anything so that you know for certain that you all are there for one another as there does come times when they are needed, and not just for quitting nicotine.
be good my friend.
Thanks SD!
Your right, ninja dipping is a weight in itself. I had to come clean once she clued in on my texting and chatting. I busted her looking at my phone when I got out the shower. Lol, she was seeing if I had a side slice I guess. At that point I had to put it out there!
Nonetheless, Thankful for the Vets that are willing to impart support in whatever means necessary to keep folks quit! Have a great day friend!
Awesome post enav. The burden that has been lifted off your chest must feel awesome. Freedom. You're not a slave today. Keep quitting, keep posting roll, and it just will continue to get better and better.
Awesome post Enav. I went thru the same painful conversation with my wife. Actually the most painful part was starting it. After that it was such a relief to have it out in the open that the convo went really well. Glad it went well for you. Freedom is a beautiful thing both physically and mentally.
Nice Job!
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Decided to write a little piece into my log/journal of quit today. Sitting at 62 days clean of nicotine gives me a lot of joy and gratitude. But with that I've come to realize the road to freedom is long and and at times treacherous. The best part of it is you can do anything for 24 hours.
The last few weeks have been challenging. The mental aspect in many ways can be as excruciating as the physical and mind games at the beginning. With that I'm grateful for my quit brothers and sister! They have been the glue to keep it together. I also have came clean as the ninja dipper I was to my wife. Gave up my stash spots, where I went and how I pulled it off. It went great! Life is getting back to what I consider normal. Each day I am quit I realize the grip on life nicotine has on people. I have a bunch of people in my life that still dip. I hope that they become ready to quit, so I can direct them to a place like this. But I know they have to be ready for themselves! Any-how Quit on!
very nice job in coming clean as that is a weight that is not necessary to be held to oneself.
keep on with that bond in your group, use them for anything so that you know for certain that you all are there for one another as there does come times when they are needed, and not just for quitting nicotine.
be good my friend.
Thanks SD!
Your right, ninja dipping is a weight in itself. I had to come clean once she clued in on my texting and chatting. I busted her looking at my phone when I got out the shower. Lol, she was seeing if I had a side slice I guess. At that point I had to put it out there!
Nonetheless, Thankful for the Vets that are willing to impart support in whatever means necessary to keep folks quit! Have a great day friend!
Awesome post enav. The burden that has been lifted off your chest must feel awesome. Freedom. You're not a slave today. Keep quitting, keep posting roll, and it just will continue to get better and better.
Awesome post Enav. I went thru the same painful conversation with my wife. Actually the most painful part was starting it. After that it was such a relief to have it out in the open that the convo went really well. Glad it went well for you. Freedom is a beautiful thing both physically and mentally.
Nice Job!
Yessir, that burden being lifted makes it easier. I am glad of it, and glad for the support!