KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Archer on June 19, 2017, 12:56:00 PM
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Hello all,
A little about me, I'm 30 years old. I started smoking cigarettes socially at 16 years old and cranked into a full time habit in college since there was no adult supervision. I continued to smoke up until I got my first professional job at 24 years old. I had already discovered dipping a few years prior to quitting cigarettes and did both for a few years. After I quit smoking, I started dipping full time. Now at 30 years old, I've witnessed numerous family members die from various forms of cancer, many of them related to tobacco use. I have recently witnessed two family members die in their early 60's from two different types of cancer and neither of them ever abused drugs or alcohol and never touched tobacco. Doing a little internal reflection, I realized I've used a form of tobacco for almost half my life at this point and started having panic attacks and losing sleep thinking I was a dead ringer for developing cancer. I have regular dental checkups and decent oral hygiene, but I've noticed the staining and gum recession associated with tobacco use and I've gotten paranoid about tooth loss, losing all or part of my jaw, premature death, the c-word. Recently, I was about to worry myself to death. I was crying at night lying in bed thinking I've already sentenced myself to a premature, agonizing, death. I was putting myself through torture. That finally strengthened my resolve to just quit.
I finished my last can on 6/16/2017 after going all day the day before without a dip. It's been foggy, I haven't been irritable. The first day was absolute anguish. Day 2 was better because I kept occupied. Today is better, although, not by much. I've been trying to exercise and drink lots of water to fill the void in my routine. It's just terribly difficult because I am doing this completely on my own, no one other than my dentist knows I dip. My wife gave me an ultimatum years ago, it was either her or the tobacco. I couldn't quit it for her and I did't want to lose her so I just got really good at hiding it. To this day, she thinks I quit more than 5 years ago. Basically, I have no one to talk to. I'm trying to be proud of myself for finally quitting, but I've been so deceitful for so long, I guess it serves me right as I am now struggling emotionally and mentally to deal with quitting.
I know this quit is for real because I've stopped many times before and my resolve to quit has never been as strong as it is now. I am determined to do this cold turkey, no patches, no gum, no fake stuff. Although I can say the physical symptoms are almost unbearable. I haven't taken it out on anyone and my mood with others has been pretty even, I know this has been my fault and no one else's. The guilt of hiding it and the paranoia about what could possibly happen if I continued to dip finally hit a tipping point, so I'm done with tobacco. I know I'm done, I just wish the physical withdrawal symptoms would go away.
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Archer - you're in the right place. We've all been where you are. Some of us have been exactly where you are (including going from being ninja dippers to ninja quitters).
Your next step is to post roll in the September quit group (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/30249720). Roll is our way of promising each other that we will not have nicotine for the day. We post roll every day here. Our system is pretty simple. Wake up, post roll, and keep your word for the day. Then, the next day, do it all over again. Here's a video to help you understand how to post roll:
Posting Roll on KTC Kill the Can (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmDgTPJ6HyM) (video)
If you bung it up, don't worry. We all do. The only real way to screw up posting roll is to not do it.
Drink lots of water and read around on the site. Here's some links on the main site that will help you understand what you're going to be going through:
Here's How You Quit... Ball Is In Your Court Now (https://www.killthecan.org/heres-how-you-quit-ball-is-in-your-court-now/)
What To Expect When You Quit Dipping (https://www.killthecan.org/your-quit/what-to-expect-when-you-quit-dipping/)
Symptoms of Quitting Dip and Chew (https://www.killthecan.org/your-quit/symptoms-of-quitting-dip-chew/)
It's not easy, but it's worth it.
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Thanks for the support. I've visited the site a few times since last week and somewhat familiarized myself with things. I just felt I needed to turn somewhere as this appears to be one of the more difficult things I've ever done and I don't want to fail.
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Thanks for the support. I've visited the site a few times since last week and somewhat familiarized myself with things. I just felt I needed to turn somewhere as this appears to be one of the more difficult things I've ever done and I don't want to fail.
If you have visited the site and familiarized yourself, it is time to go join your group. Posting roll, your promise to not use for that day is the cornerstone of this place and, you said you want someone to talk to, want brotherhood, well that is the path.
Go into September and post roll. Get to know some of your group. You can do this!
I quit with you, for today. Tomorrow, I will quit with you again. As long as you promise to quit with me and not use nicotine.
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Welcome Archer.
Yes, post roll. That's the backbone of the site, and your key to unlocking more support than you can imagine.
As a former ninja dipper, I would suggest that you tell your wife what's going on. Don't post here in secret. If you do post in here in secret, and you're found out, you'll have a hell of a lot of explaining to do. If you try to keep the secret and "ninja post" sporadically, you won't get the full benefit of the site.
All of us here are addicts. Almost all of us tried to hide or at least down play the extent of our use. We understand the lies addicts tell, and the games addicts play around their addiction. IMO, part of getting tobacco out of your life is burning bridges. Telling your wife about your quit is probably burning the biggest bridge in your life.
Proud to quit with you.
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Thanks again. I've posted roll for today, hopefully I did it correctly. I will do my best to post roll daily, although, I am not always near the internet. However, I am committed to quitting and will not give up.
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Welcome Archer! Stay close to your quit group and this site and focus one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Today is all we can control. Post roll right away when you wake up and focus on keeping your word for the next 24 hours. Rinse. Repeat.
Come in here and take your anger out within your group. Everyone experiences rage during their quits. Don't take it out on your family and loved ones. Share digits with your fellow quitters using the PM system in the upper right corner of your screen (Inbox) and share your frustration and victories with your fellow quitters. The best thing about this site is that you are not alone. We have all gone through EXACTLY what you are experiencing and want you to succeed as much as you do. Glad you have decided to take your life back!!
MN - 421 days of freedom today. If I can do it, you can too. Proud to be quit with you today!
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welcome to Sept group hope to see you on roll tomorrow
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Archer, welcome to the best decision you've ever made in your life. Don't look back and don't look ahead. Stay focused and live in the moment. Quitting is 95% mental and 5% everything else. Train your brain and then you will have it whooped. PM me for my digits if you'd like
Quit on brother !