KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: zacharynelson23 on December 08, 2014, 08:16:00 PM
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My very last can of dip was just thrown away, marking the beginning of a long journey. I started dipping several years ago, although the exact amount of time is ambiguous, probably due to the effects of this poison. I hid it from my wife for a long time, she caught me, I told her I quit, she caught me again and accepted that me quitting had to be my choice. I hated hiding, peeping through the blinds to make sure she wasn't coming, running to the store for no reason, and taking a long shower just to fill my cravings. I own a small painting business and am so ashamed of my habit that I would look out windows real quick to make sure the owners had not arrived every time I heard a noise. December 11 was my original quit date because that is the day that my wife is having her IUD (birth control) removed so that we can proudly add another soul to our family, which currently consists of her, I, and our beautiful 3 year old daughter. After reading so many experiences on this site, I have decided to expedite my quit date to tomorrow. Therefore, I will be checking into roll call early tomorrow, and I will need some hands to hold during this process. I know that I can do it. During my previous "quits" or "momentary stops", my wife was not very encouraging at all! Mostly because she does not understand this weird addiction. However, this time is different. She seems to empathize what I will be going through and wants to help in any way that she can. I read through the Spousal Support, and will have her look at it as well, for I will need as much support as I can get in the coming months, or days, if you will. I want to thank you all already for the inspiration you have already given me..
Zachary
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My very last can of dip was just thrown away, marking the beginning of a long journey. I started dipping several years ago, although the exact amount of time is ambiguous, probably due to the effects of this poison. I hid it from my wife for a long time, she caught me, I told her I quit, she caught me again and accepted that me quitting had to be my choice. I hated hiding, peeping through the blinds to make sure she wasn't coming, running to the store for no reason, and taking a long shower just to fill my cravings. I own a small painting business and am so ashamed of my habit that I would look out windows real quick to make sure the owners had not arrived every time I heard a noise. December 11 was my original quit date because that is the day that my wife is having her IUD (birth control) removed so that we can proudly add another soul to our family, which currently consists of her, I, and our beautiful 3 year old daughter. After reading so many experiences on this site, I have decided to expedite my quit date to tomorrow. Therefore, I will be checking into roll call early tomorrow, and I will need some hands to hold during this process. I know that I can do it. During my previous "quits" or "momentary stops", my wife was not very encouraging at all! Mostly because she does not understand this weird addiction. However, this time is different. She seems to empathize what I will be going through and wants to help in any way that she can. I read through the Spousal Support, and will have her look at it as well, for I will need as much support as I can get in the coming months, or days, if you will. I want to thank you all already for the inspiration you have already given me..
Zachary
Quit tonight. Right now. Why are you romancing the nic bitch tonight?
Grab your nutsack and do it now.
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Well technically I have quit tonight. I am done with the nasty.
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Well technically I have quit tonight. I am done with the nasty.
Oh good. I saw you say you moved your quit day until tomorrow.
Congrats!!! You are free.
Now read the Welcime center and go post roll in March 2015 in the quit group section. Do it right away.
Roll locks you into your quit for the rest of the day. Today is your day 1. Today is the first day of your quit. Today is the day you take back your freedom.
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Own that shit, say, "I just threw away the last can and quit."
Second Grizclaws: reach down and grab some balls to hold during this process.
Drink water.
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Well technically I have quit tonight. I am done with the nasty.
Exactly
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My very last can of dip was just thrown away, marking the beginning of a long journey. I started dipping several years ago, although the exact amount of time is ambiguous, probably due to the effects of this poison. I hid it from my wife for a long time, she caught me, I told her I quit, she caught me again and accepted that me quitting had to be my choice. I hated hiding, peeping through the blinds to make sure she wasn't coming, running to the store for no reason, and taking a long shower just to fill my cravings. I own a small painting business and am so ashamed of my habit that I would look out windows real quick to make sure the owners had not arrived every time I heard a noise. December 11 was my original quit date because that is the day that my wife is having her IUD (birth control) removed so that we can proudly add another soul to our family, which currently consists of her, I, and our beautiful 3 year old daughter. After reading so many experiences on this site, I have decided to expedite my quit date to tomorrow. Therefore, I will be checking into roll call early tomorrow, and I will need some hands to hold during this process. I know that I can do it. During my previous "quits" or "momentary stops", my wife was not very encouraging at all! Mostly because she does not understand this weird addiction. However, this time is different. She seems to empathize what I will be going through and wants to help in any way that she can. I read through the Spousal Support, and will have her look at it as well, for I will need as much support as I can get in the coming months, or days, if you will. I want to thank you all already for the inspiration you have already given me..
Zachary
Nice man and welcome to the site.
Love the show dexter, and love the reference of the dark passenger. While dexter was compelled" to killing things, his father taught him to focus that skill for "good". That's what quitting is. Instead of looking for your next fix...you'll be searching out a life without nicotine.
Post roll. Roll is your promise not to use nicotine today. It is the cornerstone of our quit. It's not the easiest to do initially, but you'll get the hang of it. Don't be afraid to ask questions.
Drink water and plenty of it. Try to limit your caffeine as it is more potent right now. Exercise is your friend.
Most importantly...stay quit man. Quit isn't a decision. It's a series of decisions.
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Zach,
Welcome to the best thing you have done for you in a long time. Everyone of us is on the same journey, but each of us had our "OH SHIT WHAT AM I DOING!?" at different times. Reach out to anyone, and you will be amazed at what happens next.
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I'm glad to see that a couple of you picked up my reference to Dexter. I am so done with this mess. My mouth will be relieved as much as my wife, but I can already feel the "dark passenger," if you will. Just drank two glasses of water. I will make it.
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I must also add that this site is quite confusing. I feel like Hoggle is leading me through the Labyrinth. I will figure it out though.
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Change your quit date in your settings. You quit today, not December 9, 2014.
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Oh thanks!
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Just for future reference. Where do we go to vent or dialogue about cravings or frustration?
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Just for future reference. Where do we go to vent or dialogue about cravings or frustration?
Sigh...just kidding.
Feel free to bitcb to your group about the "joys" of quitting. That usually gets you the quickest response and let's you see that they're going through the same shit you are.
If you want a more journal like experience, bitch out here.
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Zachary your into is so typical, sooo many of us hid out of embarrassment. Nicotine addiction is one of the top hardest addictions to kick but, thousands of us do it here daily. Your story of your wife catching you over and over and not understanding sounds like my story and finally when I abandon my hiding and lying my wife became my number one support in quitting. After 32 years of lying to her I can look her in the eyes and tell her how my quit is going. Having her trust (which I'm earning) is a great motivator. At about 1 year quit she mostly quit asking about my quit giving me the pleasure of knowing that I was gaining that lost trust. She actually has more faith in my ability to remain clean than I do at 982 days. The only times that I'm 100% sure I will be nicotine free is when my name is on roll call I know I will never violate that promise. That may seem strange to you but as you build the brotherhood with your quit group you will understand (if you take full advantage of the KTC plan). Drink up the quit koolaid is sweet.
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Welcome to the forum bro.
I too am a huge dexter fan so the thread title jumped out at me lol.
I was also a ninja dipper for a majority of my nicotine days. I hadn't thought of it in a while so thank you for refreshing my memory about how much of a slave I was. I remember sitting at home with a wad in, waiting for my wife to come home. Every time I heard a car pass it was a race to the window to see if it was her. Or I would purposely lock the deadbolt on the door so I would have to open it so she could come in, giving me enough time to flush the worm dirt and rinse with listorine. Finally, my wife caught me and she was not happy. I stopped for over 100 days on my own, thought I was cured, and tried one more pinch just to feel it "one more time". That one time turned into a can a day within a week and I was back to ninja dipping. My wife caught me again, and like you mentioned about your wife, she determined it had to be up to me to quit. That is what also led me to KTC. Let my mistake be a lesson, we are addicts so there is never just "one more". Your brain will crave that nicotine like a heroin fiend and will try to rationalize why you should throw in another pinch. Come on here, vent it out, and we will help you through it.
The next few days will be the worst of it. You will enter the fog and feel like crap, but it will pass. You have a whole network of quitters that have experienced everything you will go through so use it to your advantage. Remember, one probem + nicotine = 2 problems. This system has helped thousands and it will help you if you let it. So drink the Kool-aid and let's quit today!
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I've been drinking a load of the quitting kool-aid. I bought every kind of fake stuff and I didn't like any of it. Looks like I'll be sticking to lifesavers, gum, and water. I feel bits of anxiety build up inside of me every now and then followed by dizziness. Can't wait for the physical effects to subside.
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I've been drinking a load of the quitting kool-aid. I bought every kind of fake stuff and I didn't like any of it. Looks like I'll be sticking to lifesavers, gum, and water. I feel bits of anxiety build up inside of me every now and then followed by dizziness. Can't wait for the physical effects to subside.
Give it time. Each day, bit by bit, it does get better. Arming yourself with tools such as fake stuff(your opinion on it might change), candy, gum, water, etc are all good calls. There is no such thing about being over zealous about your quit.
You should also start getting active in your group. It's been pretty quiet thus far, and you all could use some more vocal interaction.
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I've been drinking a load of the quitting kool-aid. I bought every kind of fake stuff and I didn't like any of it. Looks like I'll be sticking to lifesavers, gum, and water. I feel bits of anxiety build up inside of me every now and then followed by dizziness. Can't wait for the physical effects to subside.
Give it time. Each day, bit by bit, it does get better. Arming yourself with tools such as fake stuff(your opinion on it might change), candy, gum, water, etc are all good calls. There is no such thing about being over zealous about your quit.
You should also start getting active in your group. It's been pretty quiet thus far, and you all could use some more vocal interaction.
Get your arse over in the chat room for some quit love and vent sessions. That there is your quick fix.
One other thing. You've dropped a great intro, picked up some stud quitters to drop some quit gospel on you, and you're drinking the kool-aid so to speak. These are all awesome accomplishments in 24 hours, not to mention you pulled the trigger prior to your preconceived quit date (which is badass by the way). There just one thing. All of this, all of this kool-aid, support and head first dive into your quit is for one person and one person alone. You. It's not for your wife. It's not for her IUD or the act of pulling the goalie. It's not for the kid you hope to have down the road. This is for you. All of that stuff is inspiration, but if you do this for someone or something other than yourself, you will likely fail. Look at it this way, all of that stuff...you love it. You cherish it. If you die because of oral cancer, you won't be able to cherish it and they won't be able to have you in return.
So, make this quit selfish. Mine is. I'm responding to your post not for you, but for me...giving back, reading your posts, offering my 2 cents makes my quit stronger; and for that, I thank you.
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I've been drinking a load of the quitting kool-aid. I bought every kind of fake stuff and I didn't like any of it. Looks like I'll be sticking to lifesavers, gum, and water. I feel bits of anxiety build up inside of me every now and then followed by dizziness. Can't wait for the physical effects to subside.
Give it time. Each day, bit by bit, it does get better. Arming yourself with tools such as fake stuff(your opinion on it might change), candy, gum, water, etc are all good calls. There is no such thing about being over zealous about your quit.
You should also start getting active in your group. It's been pretty quiet thus far, and you all could use some more vocal interaction.
Get your arse over in the chat room for some quit love and vent sessions. That there is your quick fix.
One other thing. You've dropped a great intro, picked up some stud quitters to drop some quit gospel on you, and you're drinking the kool-aid so to speak. These are all awesome accomplishments in 24 hours, not to mention you pulled the trigger prior to your preconceived quit date (which is badass by the way). There just one thing. All of this, all of this kool-aid, support and head first dive into your quit is for one person and one person alone. You. It's not for your wife. It's not for her IUD or the act of pulling the goalie. It's not for the kid you hope to have down the road. This is for you. All of that stuff is inspiration, but if you do this for someone or something other than yourself, you will likely fail. Look at it this way, all of that stuff...you love it. You cherish it. If you die because of oral cancer, you won't be able to cherish it and they won't be able to have you in return.
So, make this quit selfish. Mine is. I'm responding to your post not for you, but for me...giving back, reading your posts, offering my 2 cents makes my quit stronger; and for that, I thank you.
Thank you for this. You have brought a clear purpose to what I am doing. And you are right, I will be selfish. Starting was selfish and quitting should also be. I'm doing this for me, with a shit ton of support. Thank you all.
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Day 10! I feel great. It has not been easy, but with all of KTC it has been bearable! Looking forward to developing more friendships over the next months, ODAAT. It brings a smile every time I see a new day 1 pop up in our group, but it is disconcerting to see so many failures in our group. Damn it EXKD...
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Day 10! I feel great. It has not been easy, but with all of KTC it has been bearable! Looking forward to developing more friendships over the next months, ODAAT. It brings a smile every time I see a new day 1 pop up in our group, but it is disconcerting to see so many failures in our group. Damn it EXKD...
Congrats on 10 days!
You can do this ODAAT.
Quitters find a way to quit, cavers find a way to cave.
You are a quitter Today!
Great Job!
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10 days is bad ass! Don't worry about other quitters right now, give YOUR quit the 110% treatment.
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10 days is bad ass! Don't worry about other quitters right now, give YOUR quit the 110% treatment.
Thanks brother! And I understand what you mean. I can't believe that I still have cravings every now and then. I hope it gets better. I know that I will not cave, it's just frustrating to desire the bitch.
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10 days is bad ass! Don't worry about other quitters right now, give YOUR quit the 110% treatment.
Thanks brother! And I understand what you mean. I can't believe that I still have cravings every now and then. I hope it gets better. I know that I will not cave, it's just frustrating to desire the bitch.
10 days quit is STRONG but your ratio of days quit to days of use is pretty miniscule.
The craves are going to be there for awhile, it's just a part of the process. You posioned your brain for a long time. Gonna take time to rewire it back to a normal state.
Easier said than done, but try not to let the craves frustrate you too much. It can drive you batty.
Quitting is a bitch in that you feel like your being punished but don't know when your punishment will end. When you were a kid, getting grounded sucked but at least you knew that in "X" amount of days you would be free again. It made accepting the punishment easier. Hell, even prisoners get release dates when they get sentenced to jail.
There's no "release date" when you quit but you're also not being punished, your setting yourself free. Freedom of any kind doesn't come without a price. The cravings and frustration are a couple of tolls you are going to have to pay for awhile.
Don't let it beat you down though. Keep your eye on the prize but take it slow and remember that you are doing right. Nobody was born with a wad of shit in their mouth. You don't need that shit...you never did. Nicotine fills no voids, it creates them.
Stick close to this site and lean on us. We are all walking the same path and are here to help.
And of course it gets better!!!!
You got this, brah.
Quit on...
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10 days is bad ass! Don't worry about other quitters right now, give YOUR quit the 110% treatment.
Thanks brother! And I understand what you mean. I can't believe that I still have cravings every now and then. I hope it gets better. I know that I will not cave, it's just frustrating to desire the bitch.
10 days quit is STRONG but your ratio of days quit to days of use is pretty miniscule.
The craves are going to be there for awhile, it's just a part of the process. You posioned your brain for a long time. Gonna take time to rewire it back to a normal state.
Easier said than done, but try not to let the craves frustrate you too much. It can drive you batty.
Quitting is a bitch in that you feel like your being punished but don't know when your punishment will end. When you were a kid, getting grounded sucked but at least you knew that in "X" amount of days you would be free again. It made accepting the punishment easier. Hell, even prisoners get release dates when they get sentenced to jail.
There's no "release date" when you quit but you're also not being punished, your setting yourself free. Freedom of any kind doesn't come without a price. The cravings and frustration are a couple of tolls you are going to have to pay for awhile.
Don't let it beat you down though. Keep your eye on the prize but take it slow and remember that you are doing right. Nobody was born with a wad of shit in their mouth. You don't need that shit...you never did. Nicotine fills no voids, it creates them.
Stick close to this site and lean on us. We are all walking the same path and are here to help.
And of course it gets better!!!!
You got this, brah.
Quit on...
Thanks. I needed that insight. "Nicotine fills no voids, it creates them." That is the biggest problem that I face. Even when I was a slave to nicotine, I could almost never satisfy the void that it created. So I would end up dipping more and more. I can tell that the gap is closing up, but there will always be a scar to remind me. That is my favorite part about this brotherhood. Some of us just quit and some of us are healing, but we all have the same scars.
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10 days is bad ass! Don't worry about other quitters right now, give YOUR quit the 110% treatment.
Thanks brother! And I understand what you mean. I can't believe that I still have cravings every now and then. I hope it gets better. I know that I will not cave, it's just frustrating to desire the bitch.
10 days quit is STRONG but your ratio of days quit to days of use is pretty miniscule.
The craves are going to be there for awhile, it's just a part of the process. You posioned your brain for a long time. Gonna take time to rewire it back to a normal state.
Easier said than done, but try not to let the craves frustrate you too much. It can drive you batty.
Quitting is a bitch in that you feel like your being punished but don't know when your punishment will end. When you were a kid, getting grounded sucked but at least you knew that in "X" amount of days you would be free again. It made accepting the punishment easier. Hell, even prisoners get release dates when they get sentenced to jail.
There's no "release date" when you quit but you're also not being punished, your setting yourself free. Freedom of any kind doesn't come without a price. The cravings and frustration are a couple of tolls you are going to have to pay for awhile.
Don't let it beat you down though. Keep your eye on the prize but take it slow and remember that you are doing right. Nobody was born with a wad of shit in their mouth. You don't need that shit...you never did. Nicotine fills no voids, it creates them.
Stick close to this site and lean on us. We are all walking the same path and are here to help.
And of course it gets better!!!!
You got this, brah.
Quit on...
Thanks. I needed that insight. "Nicotine fills no voids, it creates them." That is the biggest problem that I face. Even when I was a slave to nicotine, I could almost never satisfy the void that it created. So I would end up dipping more and more. I can tell that the gap is closing up, but there will always be a scar to remind me. That is my favorite part about this brotherhood. Some of us just quit and some of us are healing, but we all have the same scars.
It's true, nicotine left me with some scars.
But my scars are beautiful and every day they fade a little bit more and become even more beautiful, because breaking the chains of addiction is one of the most liberating and rewarding things you can do.
Stick with it and you will see so for yourself.
Quit on...
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Zach...
Nice job on 20 days. You've got a strong quit going here.
ZillahCowboy
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Zach...
Nice job on 20 days. You've got a strong quit going here.
ZillahCowboy
Thanks man! Working on it every day! It's been a tough one, for sure.
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It is very hard to believe that I am where I am today. Day 101. 100 days ago I was in the quit high. It would have been so easy to walk away then, but with the support of my brothers, March and myself made it through the vast fog. Looking forward to a thousand more +1's.
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It is very hard to believe that I am where I am today. Day 101. 100 days ago I was in the quit high. It would have been so easy to walk away then, but with the support of my brothers, March and myself made it through the vast fog. Looking forward to a thousand more +1's.
Well done brother. Congrats on 101.
Let's play it forward and help some newbies! It will help our time getting to a comma.
Quit with you today.
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It is very hard to believe that I am where I am today. Day 101. 100 days ago I was in the quit high. It would have been so easy to walk away then, but with the support of my brothers, March and myself made it through the vast fog. Looking forward to a thousand more +1's.
Well done brother. Congrats on 101.
Let's play it forward and help some newbies! It will help our time getting to a comma.
Quit with you today.
Excellent job, Zach. So many start the journey just to rationalize their way back into the deceptive arms of the slut weed. You've seen guys with us in March disappear into the nothingness of addiction, but you stayed the course through the first 100 days. I can't explain how genuinely BOSS that really is. Would've been easy to sneak a dip since December. Not by any luck or rolling of the dice--but by suffering through withdrawal and mental fatigue at times, you persevered. That is just a ridiculous accomplishment. Quit on. With you for the next 100!