KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Monkeybrain on July 24, 2018, 12:16:00 AM
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So I was a dipper for 20 years. From the age of 14 to 34 I dipped all day every day. I promised to quit to myself, my mom, my wife, and my kids but never made it. Then one day I did. I joined this online group and used the fake stuff for awhile and made it. 10 years without a dip. The first few weeks were torture but after that it felt great, wonderful. I felt in control of my life and it was probably the proudest I have ever been that I beat the monster. Then a year ago I quit drinking for 30 days. It was a long 30 days. I was at a bbq and mad at my self and my wife for something stupid then a friend showed up with a can. I had a few dips that day and threw the can out. Told my wife and that was it. No big deal went back to life as normal as a non- dipper.
I dont know why or what made me start again this year. I was bored and wanted something to do and there was a voice in my head saying you dipped last year and were fine you can do it again. Just this one can...
Well that was months ago. Now I am back to square one. There are a 1000 reasons I did not want to stop. I recently lost a lot of weight and am in the best shape of my life things were great in my marriage and I was scared that if I quit again I would gain all the weight back. It helped me focus at work and all the other lies you tell yourself. When I tried to quit last week I realized just how far gone I was. Not only did I freak out about quitting, I felt the same sadness and remorse the same flashes of anger, shame that I felt 10 years ago. My gums are messed up again and I need to get a graft. So I realized it was time, but even after I had a mouth full of stitches I was not quite ready. Then my wife called me out on it finally and was very supportive. I was just so happy she found out because now I can stop hiding it and do what I need to do. Scared and sad but looking forward to being in control again from this horrible addiction. Will be in roll call tomorrow. Thank you all in advance for your help. You guys got me through the hump 10 years ago and I am ready to start the journey again.
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So I was a dipper for 20 years. From the age of 14 to 34 I dipped all day every day. I promised to quit to myself, my mom, my wife, and my kids but never made it. Then one day I did. I joined this online group and used the fake stuff for awhile and made it. 10 years without a dip. The first few weeks were torture but after that it felt great, wonderful. I felt in control of my life and it was probably the proudest I have ever been that I beat the monster. Then a year ago I quit drinking for 30 days. It was a long 30 days. I was at a bbq and mad at my self and my wife for something stupid then a friend showed up with a can. I had a few dips that day and threw the can out. Told my wife and that was it. No big deal went back to life as normal as a non- dipper.
I dont know why or what made me start again this year. I was bored and wanted something to do and there was a voice in my head saying you dipped last year and were fine you can do it again. Just this one can...
Well that was months ago. Now I am back to square one. There are a 1000 reasons I did not want to stop. I recently lost a lot of weight and am in the best shape of my life things were great in my marriage and I was scared that if I quit again I would gain all the weight back. It helped me focus at work and all the other lies you tell yourself. When I tried to quit last week I realized just how far gone I was. Not only did I freak out about quitting, I felt the same sadness and remorse the same flashes of anger, shame that I felt 10 years ago. My gums are messed up again and I need to get a graft. So I realized it was time, but even after I had a mouth full of stitches I was not quite ready. Then my wife called me out on it finally and was very supportive. I was just so happy she found out because now I can stop hiding it and do what I need to do. Scared and sad but looking forward to being in control again from this horrible addiction. Will be in roll call tomorrow. Thank you all in advance for your help. You guys got me through the hump 10 years ago and I am ready to start the journey again.
Hey man.... do you remember your old user name/moniker?
You need to resign up under that one, I will try to get ahold of an admin for help.
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So I was a dipper for 20 years. From the age of 14 to 34 I dipped all day every day. I promised to quit to myself, my mom, my wife, and my kids but never made it. Then one day I did. I joined this online group and used the fake stuff for awhile and made it. 10 years without a dip. The first few weeks were torture but after that it felt great, wonderful. I felt in control of my life and it was probably the proudest I have ever been that I beat the monster. Then a year ago I quit drinking for 30 days. It was a long 30 days. I was at a bbq and mad at my self and my wife for something stupid then a friend showed up with a can. I had a few dips that day and threw the can out. Told my wife and that was it. No big deal went back to life as normal as a non- dipper.
I dont know why or what made me start again this year. I was bored and wanted something to do and there was a voice in my head saying you dipped last year and were fine you can do it again. Just this one can...
Well that was months ago. Now I am back to square one. There are a 1000 reasons I did not want to stop. I recently lost a lot of weight and am in the best shape of my life things were great in my marriage and I was scared that if I quit again I would gain all the weight back. It helped me focus at work and all the other lies you tell yourself. When I tried to quit last week I realized just how far gone I was. Not only did I freak out about quitting, I felt the same sadness and remorse the same flashes of anger, shame that I felt 10 years ago. My gums are messed up again and I need to get a graft. So I realized it was time, but even after I had a mouth full of stitches I was not quite ready. Then my wife called me out on it finally and was very supportive. I was just so happy she found out because now I can stop hiding it and do what I need to do. Scared and sad but looking forward to being in control again from this horrible addiction. Will be in roll call tomorrow. Thank you all in advance for your help. You guys got me through the hump 10 years ago and I am ready to start the journey again.
Wow!!! Welcome Veteran!!!
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So I was a dipper for 20 years. From the age of 14 to 34 I dipped all day every day. I promised to quit to myself, my mom, my wife, and my kids but never made it. Then one day I did. I joined this online group and used the fake stuff for awhile and made it. 10 years without a dip. The first few weeks were torture but after that it felt great, wonderful. I felt in control of my life and it was probably the proudest I have ever been that I beat the monster. Then a year ago I quit drinking for 30 days. It was a long 30 days. I was at a bbq and mad at my self and my wife for something stupid then a friend showed up with a can. I had a few dips that day and threw the can out. Told my wife and that was it. No big deal went back to life as normal as a non- dipper.
I dont know why or what made me start again this year. I was bored and wanted something to do and there was a voice in my head saying you dipped last year and were fine you can do it again. Just this one can...
Well that was months ago. Now I am back to square one. There are a 1000 reasons I did not want to stop. I recently lost a lot of weight and am in the best shape of my life things were great in my marriage and I was scared that if I quit again I would gain all the weight back. It helped me focus at work and all the other lies you tell yourself. When I tried to quit last week I realized just how far gone I was. Not only did I freak out about quitting, I felt the same sadness and remorse the same flashes of anger, shame that I felt 10 years ago. My gums are messed up again and I need to get a graft. So I realized it was time, but even after I had a mouth full of stitches I was not quite ready. Then my wife called me out on it finally and was very supportive. I was just so happy she found out because now I can stop hiding it and do what I need to do. Scared and sad but looking forward to being in control again from this horrible addiction. Will be in roll call tomorrow. Thank you all in advance for your help. You guys got me through the hump 10 years ago and I am ready to start the journey again.
Hey man.... do you remember your old user name/moniker?
You need to resign up under that one, I will try to get ahold of an admin for help.
I have no idea. Last time I was in here was probably three or four emails ago so I dont have any of my old info about user name or password. Not sure if an Admin can figure it out from my name.
Gotta tell you guys I forgot how bad day one sucks. Cant wait for day 4 though!
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So I was a dipper for 20 years. From the age of 14 to 34 I dipped all day every day. I promised to quit to myself, my mom, my wife, and my kids but never made it. Then one day I did. I joined this online group and used the fake stuff for awhile and made it. 10 years without a dip. The first few weeks were torture but after that it felt great, wonderful. I felt in control of my life and it was probably the proudest I have ever been that I beat the monster. Then a year ago I quit drinking for 30 days. It was a long 30 days. I was at a bbq and mad at my self and my wife for something stupid then a friend showed up with a can. I had a few dips that day and threw the can out. Told my wife and that was it. No big deal went back to life as normal as a non- dipper.
I dont know why or what made me start again this year. I was bored and wanted something to do and there was a voice in my head saying you dipped last year and were fine you can do it again. Just this one can...
Well that was months ago. Now I am back to square one. There are a 1000 reasons I did not want to stop. I recently lost a lot of weight and am in the best shape of my life things were great in my marriage and I was scared that if I quit again I would gain all the weight back. It helped me focus at work and all the other lies you tell yourself. When I tried to quit last week I realized just how far gone I was. Not only did I freak out about quitting, I felt the same sadness and remorse the same flashes of anger, shame that I felt 10 years ago. My gums are messed up again and I need to get a graft. So I realized it was time, but even after I had a mouth full of stitches I was not quite ready. Then my wife called me out on it finally and was very supportive. I was just so happy she found out because now I can stop hiding it and do what I need to do. Scared and sad but looking forward to being in control again from this horrible addiction. Will be in roll call tomorrow. Thank you all in advance for your help. You guys got me through the hump 10 years ago and I am ready to start the journey again.
Hey man.... do you remember your old user name/moniker?
You need to resign up under that one, I will try to get ahold of an admin for help.
I have no idea. Last time I was in here was probably three or four emails ago so I dont have any of my old info about user name or password. Not sure if an Admin can figure it out from my name.
Gotta tell you guys I forgot how bad day one sucks. Cant wait for day 4 though!
You shoulda kept the shit out of your pie hole. Those are nothing but bullshit excuses a weak a pink panty wearing bitch uses.
You only act like you are back because you are scared. 'bang head'
What are you gonna do different?
What in you has changed to be a man of your word for a change?
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I wanted to post this to my quit group but could not figure out how to. Figure I should reintroduce myself because I caved.
So to recap I quit for 10 year.s It was awesome, it was amazing and a few months ago convinced myself I could have one can and spiraled down from there. 18 days ago I was back to freedom. Tonight I was out with friends and shared my story about falling off the wagon. One of my friends who does not dip had a can because he is a recreational dipper. I want to blame the beer, but that was not it. It is that stupid fucking voice in my head the "monkey brain" telling me its ok you can just have one and I caved.
I said I would just have this one. It was not even the kind of dip I like. Then driving home from the bar I bought a can and had another. I let myself down and I let you my brothers down. To Sean and Capitol I am sorry for my weakness you have been there for me every day in this latest version of my quit and kept me going. Tmrw I am back on day one. Thank you to all of you for being there.
Can is now in the woods and I start again. For all of you newibies trust me that the "one dip or one can" voice is evil never let it get you and text your support system before not after.
So tomorrow it is Monkey Brain Day 1. Sorry brothers I let myself down and I let you all down.
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I wanted to post this to my quit group but could not figure out how to. Figure I should reintroduce myself because I caved.
So to recap I quit for 10 year.s It was awesome, it was amazing and a few months ago convinced myself I could have one can and spiraled down from there. 18 days ago I was back to freedom. Tonight I was out with friends and shared my story about falling off the wagon. One of my friends who does not dip had a can because he is a recreational dipper. I want to blame the beer, but that was not it. It is that stupid fucking voice in my head the "monkey brain" telling me its ok you can just have one and I caved.
I said I would just have this one. It was not even the kind of dip I like. Then driving home from the bar I bought a can and had another. I let myself down and I let you my brothers down. To Sean and Capitol I am sorry for my weakness you have been there for me every day in this latest version of my quit and kept me going. Tmrw I am back on day one. Thank you to all of you for being there.
Can is now in the woods and I start again. For all of you newibies trust me that the "one dip or one can" voice is evil never let it get you and text your support system before not after.
So tomorrow it is Monkey Brain Day 1. Sorry brothers I let myself down and I let you all down.
What the actual fu k?
Do you see the pattern?
One is never enough.
Do you want to quit?
Sack up and do it.
I expect to see you in November 18 tomorrow explaining yourself to the newest of the new quitters.
Take control of your quit!
Take control of your life!
Take the new guys of November and lead them into the next day of their quits, one day at a time
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That sucks so much to quit for so long and cave. I've been told even after multiple years nic whispers to take a dip your proof of that and it will strengthen my quit and remind me to stay with the site. 'Finger' nicotine