KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Bucky on May 02, 2015, 12:38:00 PM
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I am a 42 year old husband and father of 4 boys. Been chewing since about 16 or so, so over 25 years. Kodiak is my brand of choice, and without that wonderful taste, I'm not sure that it would have gotten this out of hand. While tobacco products are forbidden in the workplace (I teach at a Technical College), at home because of my wife, and in front of my kids because of me .... somehow I manage to have a dip in 100% of the day, everyday except when I eat or sleep. It is so bad, I have even eaten and fallen asleep plenty of times with a chew in.
I am on Day 3 of my quit, and so far couldn't be more pleased. I have been spending a lot of time on this website and reading so many stories that I can completely identify with. I was just reading some of the spousal support comments by the women and thought my own wife may have been on this site for years and wrote each and every one of them.
I have half assed attempted or wanted to quit for many, many years, but only because of the health risks, people close to me said I should, and when I started having children and the bad example that would be. Unfortunately, I am very, very good at hiding my addiction. This time it is about me and it is completely my decision to do this.
I am not comfortable posting/writing on the internet so this is all new to me. The support I have received so far in the chat room last night and by Done4Me has been very helpful. I'll get this quit done.
One more thing ... I am looking for advice on what to do this weekend. During these first few days I have stayed away from my family as much as possible. I still coach one in baseball, attend one's game and drop others off for practice and will always need to. However, this weekend we were planning on going to our new cabin as a family. Some work to be done ... plus it is opening fishing weekend and all. I teach Math and love probability and all ... so my question is which of these two shitty options do I choose as the greater likelihood of not accomplishing my goal...
1) Slipping due to the guilt from expressing rage and my young, undeserving boys and/or wife, or
2) Slipping due to the guilt of being holed up by myself, not being able to enjoy the cabin and fishing with the boys, helping out and missing the wonderful memories.
So far, I have chosen #2 and it has worked out well, but I am leaving in a half hour to pick up my oldest (12) from baseball to drive him back. Should I stay or should I go??
Sorry if this is not all clear ... I am in a serious fog!
Thanks all,
KSalmon
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welctip. You can do Here's some advice just focus on today. Nothing more just get through today do not tip. You can do this. just get some atomic fireballs or sunflower seeds and buckle down. It will get better.
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welctip. You can do Here's some advice just focus on today. Nothing more just get through today do not tip. You can do this. just get some atomic fireballs or sunflower seeds and buckle down. It will get better.
Well you told more of the story this time. Kinda makes me slide my pick to going to the cabin. If you have to slip out to get away, you've got a whole lake to fish.
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welctip. You can do Here's some advice just focus on today. Nothing more just get through today do not tip. You can do this. just get some atomic fireballs or sunflower seeds and buckle down. It will get better.
Well you told more of the story this time. Kinda makes me slide my pick to going to the cabin. If you have to slip out to get away, you've got a whole lake to fish.
Let your family, the cabin, and some time drowning minnows, be your distraction that keeps you going. You are going through the worst of it now, but it will get better. I guarantee you that.
You could be like me and stuck at work.
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Thanks boys for the opinion ... I wasn't able to read it in time so I ended up staying home. If there is one thing that pisses me off above all else it is giving my opinion and having someone do the opposite, so I apologize.
Although I am missing out of a good time with the family, to be honest it is nice to be alone for once. With every night about the kids and getting them to practices, games, etc the peacefulness is great. Hoping to watch the fight tonight with some friends.
Great to go to the gas station a minute ago, pick up some seeds and a pizza and spend half the amount I normally do for a couple of tins. Wasn't even tempted.
Appreciate the help gentlemen.
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Your gonna learn a lot about yourself as your quit adds days. Try not to get down on yourself right now. This needs to be about you and if you need to be alone, then take the time. Your gonna become a better man/husband/father as you regain your freedom. Focus on one day at a time. Even hourly if need be. This is your time. It's hard but your gonna feel great sooner then you realize.
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Welcome Bucky! You and I are about the same age and dipped nearly the same amount of time. I also have boys. You are making the wisest decision of your life and appear to be going about it in the right way ... but I have one question. Have you shared your quit and this site with your wife? I shared with mine from the get go and she has been quietly supportive for 305 days now. Cravings come far far less than last summer. My family also got away to the coast for a week or so early in my quit. Don't run from family events. We dippers already been avoiding shit for years to get a huge lipper in peace. Keep it up Bucky. One day at a time. Check your PM for my number if you need some support.
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Bucky, congrats on being quit. It's not easy but so well worth it. I'm well over 500 days quit now and I still love the fact that one day at a time I say NO. Ever once in a while I venture into a CStore and just stare at the wall of tins. I think to myself, WTF was I thinking letting that stupid poison control me for 20+ years. Stay strong, you will thank yourself.
Mogul
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Thanks guys. Not sure the best place to ask these dumb ass questions, but I'm on Day 4, was doing great, but the last hour has been the worst yet. I'm shaking like crazy, and can't help thinking that all quitters are pussies and I'm not a pussy. Talk about fukd up justification, huh.
I don't mean that literally and am jealous of all you quitters, just wanted to rage.
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Thanks guys. Not sure the best place to ask these dumb ass questions, but I'm on Day 4, was doing great, but the last hour has been the worst yet. I'm shaking like crazy, and can't help thinking that all quitters are pussies and I'm not a pussy. Talk about fukd up justification, huh.
I don't mean that literally and am jealous of all you quitters, just wanted to rage.
Rage on brother. We all do it and this is the place to do it. Get out and run it off, even a slow sprint, just get winded and it is amazing how that changes things. Drink your water, take a shower, Piss outside and remind yourself that you have the power to control what you do. Tobacco is just a poisonous weed that cares nothing about you except your destruction. Keep control.
Mogul
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Thanks guys. Not sure the best place to ask these dumb ass questions, but I'm on Day 4, was doing great, but the last hour has been the worst yet. I'm shaking like crazy, and can't help thinking that all quitters are pussies and I'm not a pussy. Talk about fukd up justification, huh.
I don't mean that literally and am jealous of all you quitters, just wanted to rage.
Rage on brother. We all do it and this is the place to do it. Get out and run it off, even a slow sprint, just get winded and it is amazing how that changes things. Drink your water, take a shower, Piss outside and remind yourself that you have the power to control what you do. Tobacco is just a poisonous weed that cares nothing about you except your destruction. Keep control.
Mogul
HaHa. Where else can you call everyone a bunch of f..ng pussies, say you'd like to be a f...ng pussy too and get support?
Thanks.
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Thanks guys. Not sure the best place to ask these dumb ass questions, but I'm on Day 4, was doing great, but the last hour has been the worst yet. I'm shaking like crazy, and can't help thinking that all quitters are pussies and I'm not a pussy. Talk about fukd up justification, huh.
I don't mean that literally and am jealous of all you quitters, just wanted to rage.
Rage on brother. We all do it and this is the place to do it. Get out and run it off, even a slow sprint, just get winded and it is amazing how that changes things. Drink your water, take a shower, Piss outside and remind yourself that you have the power to control what you do. Tobacco is just a poisonous weed that cares nothing about you except your destruction. Keep control.
Mogul
HaHa. Where else can you call everyone a bunch of f..ng pussies, say you'd like to be a f...ng pussy too and get support?
Thanks.
25 year kodiak user here too bro. Until 861 days ago. I'm in the math biz myself. Here is a equation for you:
$5 x 365 x 25 = $45,625. That is present value, in dollars, of our addiction to our wallet. Think about all the minutes that you sneaked away to get your fix. Think about the value of that. Fuck kodiak, nicotine can suck it bro. You have a family that deserves those dollars, those minutes, and you deserve to take your life back.
One day at a time you can do this. I'll be honest, quitting nicotine is the hardest thing I've ever done. It is the best decision of my life. And of yours. If I can help, let me know. Freedom ahead.
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Thanks guys. Not sure the best place to ask these dumb ass questions, but I'm on Day 4, was doing great, but the last hour has been the worst yet. I'm shaking like crazy, and can't help thinking that all quitters are pussies and I'm not a pussy. Talk about fukd up justification, huh.
I don't mean that literally and am jealous of all you quitters, just wanted to rage.
Rage on brother. We all do it and this is the place to do it. Get out and run it off, even a slow sprint, just get winded and it is amazing how that changes things. Drink your water, take a shower, Piss outside and remind yourself that you have the power to control what you do. Tobacco is just a poisonous weed that cares nothing about you except your destruction. Keep control.
Mogul
HaHa. Where else can you call everyone a bunch of f..ng pussies, say you'd like to be a f...ng pussy too and get support?
Thanks.
25 year kodiak user here too bro. Until 861 days ago. I'm in the math biz myself. Here is a equation for you:
$5 x 365 x 25 = $45,625. That is present value, in dollars, of our addiction to our wallet. Think about all the minutes that you sneaked away to get your fix. Think about the value of that. Fuck kodiak, nicotine can suck it bro. You have a family that deserves those dollars, those minutes, and you deserve to take your life back.
One day at a time you can do this. I'll be honest, quitting nicotine is the hardest thing I've ever done. It is the best decision of my life. And of yours. If I can help, let me know. Freedom ahead.
That right there is some quit gold. WTW just calculated that you basically could have purchased a BMW 335i X-drive (or other car of your choosing) with what you've been forking over to the makers of Kodiak. Keep plowing through day 4 Bucky, we'll be back doing the same thing with you first thing in the morning...posting roll and quitting.
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Love the Math ... but what is the $1 million dollar question for folks like us?
I put together a list of some basic assumptions of my prior tobacco use and can find how disturbing this can be to the wallet. I started in 1988 when the cost of Kodiak was $2 a can and assumed a usage of 2 cans per week. Increasing the cost $0.50 every couple of years and the usage because we all know how addictive that nic bitch is, I have a very conservative estimate of an out of pocket expense of $37,500.
Now, here is where it can get really fucked up. If you put that money into the stock market and just chose a basic index fund (sp 500), where the annual average return is 10.3% (below), you would have $140,000 by the time you were 42 (which happens to be my age). Worse yet, had that money been put into a retirement account it would grow to be $1.24 million by age 65.
Kicker for me is, I have been giving a very similar scenario to my students for a quiz for the last several years. The answer turns out to be about a half of million and we always discuss my input assumptions were a pack a day smoker for 20 years (about half of my students smoke). While I would always mention that I am not preaching and that I have some bad habits myself, I did not come clean with them until this semester.
http://dqydj.net/sp-500-return-calculator/ (http://dqydj.net/sp-500-return-calculator/)
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Bucky something to ponder. I have a son who is 28 years old that watched me every day of his life stuff my face with that disgusting shit, and he started dipping at 14. Wow that makes pop feel really good! Think about it, you have 4? Damn proud to be quit and remember this enjoy every damn second you can with them because you've screwed them out of alot of Father time already! Damn proud to be quit with you today my friend!
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Bucky,
Congrats on a great decision. I feel a weird sense of kinship when I read an intro of a fellow former Kodiak slave. I was that Bear's bitch for 22 years till I found this place. You can do this if you follow the simple formula that others have laid out. I am coming up on 1 year quit and I have posted roll every single one of those 352 days. Coincidence? I don't think so. Also get involved with others in your quit group and exchange phone numbers. Early on in your quit a simple text from a guy asking how you are doing and saying he is quit with you can make all the difference.
You can do this!
Send me a PM if you want my digits for support. Also check out my signature with the line about Kodiak - always gave me a chuckle early in my quit.
Lighty
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Now that I haven't had a chew in a week or so, and I'm still feeling miserable at times and the cravings are relentless, my mind has finally cleared up some for a couple minutes at a time. As an attempt to bring some humor to my miserable addiction of 25+ years, I decided to play a little game. My game is the over/under of the number empty (at least I sure hope empty) cans of Kodiak I have squirreled away around the home.
As a teacher, coach, father and husband, I was excellent at concealing my embarrassing, shameful addiction. As a result, I would not just throw tins away in our garbage at home, rather transfer from pocket to pocket in pants, jackets, shorts, shoes, shirts, wherever I could hide my embarrassment. I would always have to wait to discard them when I went to a store alone or at work.
Since I live in WI and quit in Spring, I am imagining finding quite a few in Winter jackets and clothing as well as summer shorts and wherever else they may be. I am going to set my over/under at 10.
I wonder if anyone has ever discussed this on here, or can remember back if they were similar, but I think it will entertain me for awhile. Thought I'd post this in the Intro section, as perhaps I can look back on this some day way out in the future and remember how shameful I felt.
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Now that I haven't had a chew in a week or so, and I'm still feeling miserable at times and the cravings are relentless, my mind has finally cleared up some for a couple minutes at a time. As an attempt to bring some humor to my miserable addiction of 25+ years, I decided to play a little game. My game is the over/under of the number empty (at least I sure hope empty) cans of Kodiak I have squirreled away around the home.
As a teacher, coach, father and husband, I was excellent at concealing my embarrassing, shameful addiction. As a result, I would not just throw tins away in our garbage at home, rather transfer from pocket to pocket in pants, jackets, shorts, shoes, shirts, wherever I could hide my embarrassment. I would always have to wait to discard them when I went to a store alone or at work.
Since I live in WI and quit in Spring, I am imagining finding quite a few in Winter jackets and clothing as well as summer shorts and wherever else they may be. I am going to set my over/under at 10.
I wonder if anyone has ever discussed this on here, or can remember back if they were similar, but I think it will entertain me for awhile. Thought I'd post this in the Intro section, as perhaps I can look back on this some day way out in the future and remember how shameful I felt.
Bucky my friend,
At least you tried to hide the filthy shit! Not me , I was your basic redneck dipper, damn proud to have that big olé fatty in , hell I was one tough sum bitch! Walk in stores with the family with spit bottle in one hand holding daughters hand with the other! Look how stupid this shit sounds! Before you ever and I mean ever start to put this back in your mouth think of the total embarrassment! It's worth whatever your going through, get through it's worth every damn second of it! Damn proud to be quit with you today my friend!
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Bucky,
I think this site has its fair share of ninja dippers. I dipped about 30 years and never told anyone. I am the master of dipping in the back seat of a car or in my seat on an airplane without anyone knowing. I can hide a can of Skoal under my arm pit on the way to the shower so that know one can detect it. I can't tell you how many cans full of dip made it safely through the wash cycle without allowing water inside. I am a master at convincingly explaining why my car smells like mint or stale tobacco. I could go no and on.
Quark
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Bucky,
I think this site has its fair share of ninja dippers. I dipped about 30 years and never told anyone. I am the master of dipping in the back seat of a car or in my seat on an airplane without anyone knowing. I can hide a can of Skoal under my arm pit on the way to the shower so that know one can detect it. I can't tell you how many cans full of dip made it safely through the wash cycle without allowing water inside. I am a master at convincingly explaining why my car smells like mint or stale tobacco. I could go no and on.
Quark
Cool part is when you stick with your daily promise here the +1s begin to add up and eventually a day will pass with no cravings. Then those days get more frequent. Then craves are rare and then no more.
Meanwhile all this hiding, excuses, and ninja crap is a faded memory. More time with the wife, family, or whatever floats your boat. No more hiding.
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.... somehow I manage to have a dip in 100% of the day, everyday except when I eat or sleep. It is so bad,
I wonder how many of us can relate to this statement. I thought I was one of the few who lived like this. Either way, you got this quit. You and I both got this. Like you said, do it for yourself.
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I can hide a can of Skoal under my arm pit on the way to the shower so that know one can detect it.
That is a new one... I would always use a set of folded clean clothes to bring to the bathroom with me. Funny what we would do just to be discrete.
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I've been meaning to use this as a diary of sorts to look back on, but haven't had the time or motivation to do it as much as I'd like. Mostly, because I am a shitty writer. So, though there are several thoughts I have, today I will list some successes and concerns of my quit to date (about 3 weeks in).
Success: I have quit nicotine for 23 days ... longest time in my life ... hell yeah!
Concern: After chewing for over 26 years, this is like stopping for less than 1 fucking day per year ... big fucking deal.
Success: I have at least tripled the time I can think of something other than tobacco since Day 1.
Concern: After more than 3 weeks, I don't think I have held a non-tobacco thought for more than 10 fucking seconds. Talk about a waste of mental energy.
Success: I do not have a dip in all day every day.
Concern: I seem to still need that oral fixation and can't make it over an hour without seeds, candy, or primarily fake stuff
Success: I am not gutting tobacco spit all day every day.
Concern: I am still gutting the fake stuff for about a quarter of the day. Explanation: To be a ninja dipper, I found ways to put the shit in my mouth where it is not easily noticed by others, while mastering a way of not generating the juice necessitating the need to spit. I am following this pattern with the fake stuff, but trying to spit as often as I can remember.
Success: I have found 8 cans of Kodiak around the house and in clothes that I have thrown out (6.5 empty and 1.5 with tobacco in them that I flushed than tossed)
Concern: For the first time in their lives, my 4 young impressionable sons have found empty tins laying around. Although they are Smokey Mountain cans, I feel like I may need to explain. Unbelievable how careless I have become now that I don't have the guilt of chewing tobacco in front of them.
All for now as I have to run, but wanted to give a big shout out to all those who've given support. Without it, I wouldn't have made it this far.
Long way to go, but if anyone on the fence reads this ... please buy in to this KTC kool-aide ... it does work.
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I've been meaning to use this as a diary of sorts to look back on, but haven't had the time or motivation to do it as much as I'd like. Mostly, because I am a shitty writer. So, though there are several thoughts I have, today I will list some successes and concerns of my quit to date (about 3 weeks in).
Success: I have quit nicotine for 23 days ... longest time in my life ... hell yeah!
Concern: After chewing for over 26 years, this is like stopping for less than 1 fucking day per year ... big fucking deal.
Success: I have at least tripled the time I can think of something other than tobacco since Day 1.
Concern: After more than 3 weeks, I don't think I have held a non-tobacco thought for more than 10 fucking seconds. Talk about a waste of mental energy.
Success: I do not have a dip in all day every day.
Concern: I seem to still need that oral fixation and can't make it over an hour without seeds, candy, or primarily fake stuff
Success: I am not gutting tobacco spit all day every day.
Concern: I am still gutting the fake stuff for about a quarter of the day. Explanation: To be a ninja dipper, I found ways to put the shit in my mouth where it is not easily noticed by others, while mastering a way of not generating the juice necessitating the need to spit. I am following this pattern with the fake stuff, but trying to spit as often as I can remember.
Success: I have found 8 cans of Kodiak around the house and in clothes that I have thrown out (6.5 empty and 1.5 with tobacco in them that I flushed than tossed)
Concern: For the first time in their lives, my 4 young impressionable sons have found empty tins laying around. Although they are Smokey Mountain cans, I feel like I may need to explain. Unbelievable how careless I have become now that I don't have the guilt of chewing tobacco in front of them.
All for now as I have to run, but wanted to give a big shout out to all those who've given support. Without it, I wouldn't have made it this far.
Long way to go, but if anyone on the fence reads this ... please buy in to this KTC kool-aide ... it does work.
Concerns,success. It's all awesome my friend! 145 day's later still packing the fake. I hate the shit but it's the oral fixation after 38 years. Every day I'm quit is a huge victory , hell every second I'm not dipping nic is huge. I crave everyday and have come to except the fact I always will. I can handle that ,to be free! It gets better remember the mind is rewiring itself at the same time olé nic whore trying to stick her tongue in your mouth! You've got this! It's yours! Own it! Damn proud to be quit with you!
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For christ's sake. I am so damn pissed at myself. I go from chewing Kodiak every damn day for over 26 years to finally waking up, doing something about it and quitting. For so many years my boys don't see me put one in, don't see me spit, don't see me have a tin, and frankly have no clue their Dad is addicted to poison.
Well, ........ now my oldest two probably know. They have found empty cans, half full cans, and even seen Dad put one in. In no time, my younger 2 will know too. I am using smokey mtn Mint to make it different taste than Kodiak as well as look different to my boys.
Fuck me .... Oldest 2 are 11 12 and are about as innocent as you can be .... Meaning I'm not sure they even know. If, when and how do I approach this?
You guys have been a blessing... Thanks
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For christ's sake. I am so damn pissed at myself. I go from chewing Kodiak every damn day for over 26 years to finally waking up, doing something about it and quitting. For so many years my boys don't see me put one in, don't see me spit, don't see me have a tin, and frankly have no clue their Dad is addicted to poison.
Well, ........ now my oldest two probably know. They have found empty cans, half full cans, and even seen Dad put one in. In no time, my younger 2 will know too. I am using smokey mtn Mint to make it different taste than Kodiak as well as look different to my boys.
Fuck me .... Oldest 2 are 11 12 and are about as innocent as you can be .... Meaning I'm not sure they even know. If, when and how do I approach this?
You guys have been a blessing... Thanks
You need to have the talk about tobacco use and addiction throughout their childhood; it isn't a one time thing. Gear the talk to their age: they don't need to know that dad is an addict until they get closer to the age most people seem to start (14/15). Talk about how the tobacco companies target their advertisement to appeal to teenagers even thought they lie about it. Talk about the health risks. Talk about what it means to have an addiction. If they say something about knowing of your use, fess up, and let them know that good men try this shit and get instantly addicted, and tell them how it has controlled your life. When you quit, the shame of using smacks you in the face and you have to deal with that shame, and that isn't easy. You have been in denial for a long long time: you know what you have been doing, but denying it at the same time. Hang in there. Quit with you today.
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Bucky my man, you got to chilax. You remind me of a young me.
Your quit is still a seedling and sucks more times than not. But you're winning, even though you don't see it. Every day you make it dip free it's a tiny victory. Over time those victories add up and things get much easier.
This is just a small window of suckiness in your life. You won't feel this way forever. Things WILL get better. Freeing yourself from addiction is a beautiful thing. If I told you how great I feel right now you wouldn't believe me. There is so much healing and good feelings ahead you HAVE to stick around to reap the rewards of your early struggles.
As for kids...
3 years ago my kids were 9 and 7. I sat them down and told them I was quitting chewing tobacco. While they didn't quite know what that was, they sure as hell perked up when I told them it was like smoking. Even at that age, they knew smoking was bad and could kill you. Heck they even started lecturing me. I guess school is reaching them something. My 7 year old daughter stated crying and said she didn't want me to die and wanted me to quit. I told her and my son I was done forever. They were happy and took my word for it. Every once in awhile one would ask me if I was still quit and I'd say "yep" and that was it. 3 years later I'm still quit and my kids don't even bring it up anymore. Kids are smater than we ever give them credit for and we will always be heroes in their eyes. Lay it out on the table for them. They will understand and it will be good motivation for you.
Well, I think I've rambled enough. Keep up the good work and don't forget to look at your quit through a telescope once in awhile as opposed to a microscope.
Quit on...
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Now that I am slightly more clear headed as I am 50 days in and not in the middle of the complete suck of Day 1, I realized I forgot to mention something in my original introduction. That is ....
It is true ... I do like holding hands and long walks on the beach. Just thought you might want to know.
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Now that I am slightly more clear headed as I am 50 days in and not in the middle of the complete suck of Day 1, I realized I forgot to mention something in my original introduction. That is ....
It is true ... I do like holding hands and long walks on the beach. Just thought you might want to know.
Now that I'm damn near a hundo days thought it might be time for an update to my older, wiser self in the future.
Quit progress: Still sucks every damn day, but damn it feels better. I am still pissed at myself for the addiction in the first place, but there sure is hell ain't nothing I can do bout that. I am proud of myself every day which results in me being a better husband and father.
KTC: Damn ... this is the first website in my life I have posted on. I had read the financial message boards for the last 20 years, sports message boards for the last few years, yet never posted a thing. I guess I am what is called a lurker. I spent much of the day today on the site and was so happy so many cared about these people they don't have any clue about .... After all the shit went down today in the Oct '15 site, it appeared there were multiple engineers involved. As a fellow engineer ... I would almost say, damn ... let's start a new addict site on overanalyzing what is said and how the issue can be solved immediately. *** Please Understand The Importance of This*** If other old farts like me have not participated on the internet prior to this ... It's a big FD
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Now that I am slightly more clear headed as I am 50 days in and not in the middle of the complete suck of Day 1, I realized I forgot to mention something in my original introduction. That is ....
It is true ... I do like holding hands and long walks on the beach. Just thought you might want to know.
Now that I'm damn near a hundo days thought it might be time for an update to my older, wiser self in the future.
Quit progress: Still sucks every damn day, but damn it feels better. I am still pissed at myself for the addiction in the first place, but there sure is hell ain't nothing I can do bout that. I am proud of myself every day which results in me being a better husband and father.
KTC: Damn ... this is the first website in my life I have posted on. I had read the financial message boards for the last 20 years, sports message boards for the last few years, yet never posted a thing. I guess I am what is called a lurker. I spent much of the day today on the site and was so happy so many cared about these people they don't have any clue about .... After all the shit went down today in the Oct '15 site, it appeared there were multiple engineers involved. As a fellow engineer ... I would almost say, damn ... let's start a new addict site on overanalyzing what is said and how the issue can be solved immediately. *** Please Understand The Importance of This*** If other old farts like me have not participated on the internet prior to this ... It's a big FD
Bucky my man, you are doing frigging great! It's a crying ass shame they didn't have this 38 years ago! I understand like you, water under the bridge, let's start enjoying every damn day of victory because no matter how bad it has sucked or gonna suck, freedom is so much worth it! One olé boy to another, quit on my friend!
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Buckster!!
from day 1 in chat, I knew you were the real deal... strong quit my friend!!
Proud to be quit with you on your HOF day and beyond!
100 days, now move on to +1's, more milestones to come!
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Buckster!!
from day 1 in chat, I knew you were the real deal... strong quit my friend!!
Proud to be quit with you on your HOF day and beyond!
100 days, now move on to +1's, more milestones to come!
Congratulations Bucky see you at 200!
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Well done, sir!
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Well done, sir!
Congrats Bucky!
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I had meant to use this intro as a means to document my successes and struggles through this journey, but got complacent and didn't keep up with it. I have one to add to it today, however. Sorry for the length, and as a former engineer, my ability to write well ...
I am now a few weeks into my Fall semester and have gotten to know over 100 new students. For the first time in my brief (8 year) teaching career, I have decided to share with my students my addiction to nicotine. The amount of support I have received from not only current students, but also former students who somehow "heard" about my addiction has been overwhelming. I don't think a day goes by that a former student doesn't stop by my classroom and ask if I am still holding strong and ask my day count. For whatever reason, chewing tobacco in school is frowned upon (never stopped me from having one in all day long), which is why I didn't come out of the closet until I quit. I share this only for those that are new to the quit or need an additional push. I have heard this being said many times before, but the more you share your addiction with people, the more accountable you will be.
Despite all of the additional support and accountability, there still have been additional struggles. Yesterday, some of my students put on a lunch fundraiser where they had a grill out and a band and entertainment over the lunch hour. Well, as I was buying lunch, one of my students planted that seed in my mind and mentioned after lunch he would be more than happy to share a nice big dip with me. I told him to knock it off, but he continued. Well, by the time lunch finished I have one thing, and one thing only, on my mind. My mouth was watering for a nice big dip. (Yes ... even 140 days in, I still do NOT hate nicotine) I hate the fact that I CHOSE to use nicotine for all those years and didn't have the balls to quit, but in the end it was my choice. I am an addict and I still miss it.
However, I have now developed resources that can negate those urges. First, I had posted my promise on roll not to use nicotine for the day. Second, .... well second doesn't matter. See, I had made that promise to myself and to others in my quit group that I would not do it. Going back on my word is not an option for me.
This happened yesterday, but I posted this today as there was a happy ending. I ended lunch and went back, found the culprit, pulled him aside and dished out many, many four letter words at him. (He is going to school to be an Agricultural (Diesel) Mechanic, so I can do that). Then, I ran home to get some Smokey Mountain for the rest of the day (great living 1 mile from work). Anyways, I walk into class this morning and have two big bags of sunflower seeds on my desk and get a nice apology. Hate to say this ... but I love my job!!
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I had meant to use this intro as a means to document my successes and struggles through this journey, but got complacent and didn't keep up with it. I have one to add to it today, however. Sorry for the length, and as a former engineer, my ability to write well ...
I am now a few weeks into my Fall semester and have gotten to know over 100 new students. For the first time in my brief (8 year) teaching career, I have decided to share with my students my addiction to nicotine. The amount of support I have received from not only current students, but also former students who somehow "heard" about my addiction has been overwhelming. I don't think a day goes by that a former student doesn't stop by my classroom and ask if I am still holding strong and ask my day count. For whatever reason, chewing tobacco in school is frowned upon (never stopped me from having one in all day long), which is why I didn't come out of the closet until I quit. I share this only for those that are new to the quit or need an additional push. I have heard this being said many times before, but the more you share your addiction with people, the more accountable you will be.
Despite all of the additional support and accountability, there still have been additional struggles. Yesterday, some of my students put on a lunch fundraiser where they had a grill out and a band and entertainment over the lunch hour. Well, as I was buying lunch, one of my students planted that seed in my mind and mentioned after lunch he would be more than happy to share a nice big dip with me. I told him to knock it off, but he continued. Well, by the time lunch finished I have one thing, and one thing only, on my mind. My mouth was watering for a nice big dip. (Yes ... even 140 days in, I still do NOT hate nicotine) I hate the fact that I CHOSE to use nicotine for all those years and didn't have the balls to quit, but in the end it was my choice. I am an addict and I still miss it.
However, I have now developed resources that can negate those urges. First, I had posted my promise on roll not to use nicotine for the day. Second, .... well second doesn't matter. See, I had made that promise to myself and to others in my quit group that I would not do it. Going back on my word is not an option for me.
This happened yesterday, but I posted this today as there was a happy ending. I ended lunch and went back, found the culprit, pulled him aside and dished out many, many four letter words at him. (He is going to school to be an Agricultural (Diesel) Mechanic, so I can do that). Then, I ran home to get some Smokey Mountain for the rest of the day (great living 1 mile from work). Anyways, I walk into class this morning and have two big bags of sunflower seeds on my desk and get a nice apology. Hate to say this ... but I love my job!!
140 is a tough spot. HOF has passed. It seems like there isn't a goal to shoot for. Odds are good that some of your group has moved on from KTC and more than likely moved back in with their addiction. There isn't a "spark of excitement" anymore... it just seems like a grind.
Know how I know this? Because I remember this time as being one of the toughest times in my own experience. About 120-160 was bad because it seemed like a letdown. That is when I considered quitting KTC. Thought about stopping posting everyday. Watched my group start to melt down and dwindle.
Instead, I started reading and posting in the intros a lot. Everyday. Started interacting with others on this site. My quit strengthened a lot as a result. 160-200 was a great time for me.
Fuck nicotine dude. You don't need it. And you don't want it. It didn't do a thing for you and you know it.
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I had meant to use this intro as a means to document my successes and struggles through this journey, but got complacent and didn't keep up with it. I have one to add to it today, however. Sorry for the length, and as a former engineer, my ability to write well ...
I am now a few weeks into my Fall semester and have gotten to know over 100 new students. For the first time in my brief (8 year) teaching career, I have decided to share with my students my addiction to nicotine. The amount of support I have received from not only current students, but also former students who somehow "heard" about my addiction has been overwhelming. I don't think a day goes by that a former student doesn't stop by my classroom and ask if I am still holding strong and ask my day count. For whatever reason, chewing tobacco in school is frowned upon (never stopped me from having one in all day long), which is why I didn't come out of the closet until I quit. I share this only for those that are new to the quit or need an additional push. I have heard this being said many times before, but the more you share your addiction with people, the more accountable you will be.
Despite all of the additional support and accountability, there still have been additional struggles. Yesterday, some of my students put on a lunch fundraiser where they had a grill out and a band and entertainment over the lunch hour. Well, as I was buying lunch, one of my students planted that seed in my mind and mentioned after lunch he would be more than happy to share a nice big dip with me. I told him to knock it off, but he continued. Well, by the time lunch finished I have one thing, and one thing only, on my mind. My mouth was watering for a nice big dip. (Yes ... even 140 days in, I still do NOT hate nicotine) I hate the fact that I CHOSE to use nicotine for all those years and didn't have the balls to quit, but in the end it was my choice. I am an addict and I still miss it.
However, I have now developed resources that can negate those urges. First, I had posted my promise on roll not to use nicotine for the day. Second, .... well second doesn't matter. See, I had made that promise to myself and to others in my quit group that I would not do it. Going back on my word is not an option for me.
This happened yesterday, but I posted this today as there was a happy ending. I ended lunch and went back, found the culprit, pulled him aside and dished out many, many four letter words at him. (He is going to school to be an Agricultural (Diesel) Mechanic, so I can do that). Then, I ran home to get some Smokey Mountain for the rest of the day (great living 1 mile from work). Anyways, I walk into class this morning and have two big bags of sunflower seeds on my desk and get a nice apology. Hate to say this ... but I love my job!!
140 is a tough spot. HOF has passed. It seems like there isn't a goal to shoot for. Odds are good that some of your group has moved on from KTC and more than likely moved back in with their addiction. There isn't a "spark of excitement" anymore... it just seems like a grind.
Know how I know this? Because I remember this time as being one of the toughest times in my own experience. About 120-160 was bad because it seemed like a letdown. That is when I considered quitting KTC. Thought about stopping posting everyday. Watched my group start to melt down and dwindle.
Instead, I started reading and posting in the intros a lot. Everyday. Started interacting with others on this site. My quit strengthened a lot as a result. 160-200 was a great time for me.
Fuck nicotine dude. You don't need it. And you don't want it. It didn't do a thing for you and you know it.
Wow. Talk about stepping it up a level, that's some serious accountability right there. Your entire class and previous classes now know that you are quit. That's the type of mentality it takes to stay quit. Complacency is not an option and nor is any other option other than remaining quit.
good stuff Bucky.
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I had meant to use this intro as a means to document my successes and struggles through this journey, but got complacent and didn't keep up with it. I have one to add to it today, however. Sorry for the length, and as a former engineer, my ability to write well ...
I am now a few weeks into my Fall semester and have gotten to know over 100 new students. For the first time in my brief (8 year) teaching career, I have decided to share with my students my addiction to nicotine. The amount of support I have received from not only current students, but also former students who somehow "heard" about my addiction has been overwhelming. I don't think a day goes by that a former student doesn't stop by my classroom and ask if I am still holding strong and ask my day count. For whatever reason, chewing tobacco in school is frowned upon (never stopped me from having one in all day long), which is why I didn't come out of the closet until I quit. I share this only for those that are new to the quit or need an additional push. I have heard this being said many times before, but the more you share your addiction with people, the more accountable you will be.
Despite all of the additional support and accountability, there still have been additional struggles. Yesterday, some of my students put on a lunch fundraiser where they had a grill out and a band and entertainment over the lunch hour. Well, as I was buying lunch, one of my students planted that seed in my mind and mentioned after lunch he would be more than happy to share a nice big dip with me. I told him to knock it off, but he continued. Well, by the time lunch finished I have one thing, and one thing only, on my mind. My mouth was watering for a nice big dip. (Yes ... even 140 days in, I still do NOT hate nicotine) I hate the fact that I CHOSE to use nicotine for all those years and didn't have the balls to quit, but in the end it was my choice. I am an addict and I still miss it.
However, I have now developed resources that can negate those urges. First, I had posted my promise on roll not to use nicotine for the day. Second, .... well second doesn't matter. See, I had made that promise to myself and to others in my quit group that I would not do it. Going back on my word is not an option for me.
This happened yesterday, but I posted this today as there was a happy ending. I ended lunch and went back, found the culprit, pulled him aside and dished out many, many four letter words at him. (He is going to school to be an Agricultural (Diesel) Mechanic, so I can do that). Then, I ran home to get some Smokey Mountain for the rest of the day (great living 1 mile from work). Anyways, I walk into class this morning and have two big bags of sunflower seeds on my desk and get a nice apology. Hate to say this ... but I love my job!!
140 is a tough spot. HOF has passed. It seems like there isn't a goal to shoot for. Odds are good that some of your group has moved on from KTC and more than likely moved back in with their addiction. There isn't a "spark of excitement" anymore... it just seems like a grind.
Know how I know this? Because I remember this time as being one of the toughest times in my own experience. About 120-160 was bad because it seemed like a letdown. That is when I considered quitting KTC. Thought about stopping posting everyday. Watched my group start to melt down and dwindle.
Instead, I started reading and posting in the intros a lot. Everyday. Started interacting with others on this site. My quit strengthened a lot as a result. 160-200 was a great time for me.
Fuck nicotine dude. You don't need it. And you don't want it. It didn't do a thing for you and you know it.
Wow. Talk about stepping it up a level, that's some serious accountability right there. Your entire class and previous classes now know that you are quit. That's the type of mentality it takes to stay quit. Complacency is not an option and nor is any other option other than remaining quit.
good stuff Bucky.
Bucky w2w is exactly right! I felt same way around 150-200 ,I hit the intros hard,everyday. Wow what a difference it made in my quit. It starts reminding me where I came from. All the great people, vets and newbies alike reaching out to help me and he'll they don't even know me,I found that to be amazing! I couldn't wait to wake up and so who posted support for me. So see you might only say 3 words but it definitely helps people. Damn proud of you! On day 263 and I've been able to tell a major difference in the past couple weeks. Stay quit, focused and give back some of what you've been giving! Quit on my brother!
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Happy Birthday Bucky!
Nice NIC Free Day!! I am bery proud of you man.
I quit with you today buddy!
'party2'
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Bucky,
Congrats on your 1 year quit, that's huge!
'wave'
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Bravo Bucky! I don't know you but, I'm proud to see 365 under your belt. Enjoy your day.
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Bravo Bucky! I don't know you but, I'm proud to see 365 under your belt. Enjoy your day.
Hell yeah brother! Keep being the role model to those boys!
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Nice Year Brother!!! Thanks for your support in the KTC quit groups!
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Congrats Bucky! I'm on Day 3 and trying to read all the different stuff I can. Your story is another success of ODAAT. I remind myself of that daily. I too cannot go back on my word. It's the promise that keeps me going. I can't stand to let someone down.
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Buckster, congrats on your 400 days!!
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HOLY MOLY
NICE HALF DANGLE
BUCKSTER!
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Late congrats on your 700 brother!
Good seeing you around the boards. ?
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Buckster. Congrats on your 2 years quit!!
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Buckster. Congrats on your 2 years quit!!
Thanks Chick ... and thank you for all you do around here.
Also, big shoutout to KTC and all the supportive members. You have not only been an integral part in my quit, but also countless others. Can't say it enough ... THANK YOU!!
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Sorry I'm late! Congratulations on 2 years!
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Sorry I'm late! Congratulations on 2 years!
Hey Bucky... I just noticed that A Team is hitting 2 years and you are already on year 3! Congrats Bro!
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And boom the full dangle!
Congrats Bucky... Proud to quite with you today!
Nice earned 1,000!!
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And boom the full dangle!
Congrats Bucky... Proud to quite with you today!
Nice earned 1,000!!
Well done Bucky! Congrats on that comma!
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And boom the full dangle!
Congrats Bucky... Proud to quite with you today!
Nice earned 1,000!!
Well done Bucky! Congrats on that comma!
Congratulations, sir! Well done!
You worked hard to get here. Enjoy this amazing victory day!
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And boom the full dangle!
Congrats Bucky... Proud to quite with you today!
Nice earned 1,000!!
Well done Bucky! Congrats on that comma!
Congratulations, sir! Well done!
You worked hard to get here. Enjoy this amazing victory day!
Thanks!
The support system here is amazing. If anyone comes across this ... if I can get to 1000 days, then YOU can!
While after over 25 years of losing the choice of IF to take a dip, to WHEN I must have a chew, one thousand days kinda feels like just a drop in the bucket...but damn that drop is becoming a ripple.