KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: cburns on July 12, 2008, 12:05:00 PM
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Greetings fellow quitters!
A quick introduction to me ... I'm 48, been married just over 25 years, have two children who aren't children anymore (in fact, they're both in college now).
I've had successful and unsuccessful quits before. Haven't we all? Remind me to someday tell you my feelings about the saying, "I'm just a dip away from a can a day." I've been dipping pretty close to a can a day of Cope LCS. Also, I'm a swallerer, not a spitter, so who knows how much damage I've done, and how much more nicotine I've been getting than you people who were smart enough to spit.
Earlier this week, I went to the store to get my regular 5-can log. Turns out they would let me use my coupons, and I had bought enough that it was time for my freebie. What it came down to is that I walked out of the store with 10 cans of Cope, and I paid barely $13 for them. So why, this past Thursday, did I start looking at quitting sites? Why did I sign up here? Why did I decide to quit with all those new cans sitting here? I still don't know.
I rationalized everything. "Let's see, can I hit 100 days on my birthday? No, I would have had to quit last week. OK, How about hitting 100 days on Christmas? No, I need to get this done sooner than that. OK, what about next week. No, there's a family event, wouldn't do to be in the fog. Week after that? No, that's another out-of-town event, no fog allowed." And so on, and so on, and so on.
I finally realized was that there could not have been a better date for me to have as a quit date than Friday, July 11. The company potluck/funday was that afternoon, so I only had to seriously work until noon. No big plans for the weekend, so the fog could just roll in and do it's worst. And all those cans of Cope that my brain wanted to use up before quitting? Well, I finally decided that I would rather flush cheap Cope down the toilet than full-priced stuff!
So basically, when I post in rollcall every morning, I'm saying to all of you that I will not use nicotine that day, and that I will post the same thing the next day. That's my accountability ... my word as a man (and sometimes as a gentleman).
Geeze. I had so much I wanted to say in this post, but the fog has got me. I guess that since it's a thread, I can add more information later.
Thanks to all of you who have sent me messages ... encouragement and welcome. I do appreciate it.
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Greetings fellow quitters!
A quick introduction to me ... I'm 48, been married just over 25 years, have two children who aren't children anymore (in fact, they're both in college now).
I've had successful and unsuccessful quits before. Haven't we all? Remind me to someday tell you my feelings about the saying, "I'm just a dip away from a can a day." I've been dipping pretty close to a can a day of Cope LCS. Also, I'm a swallerer, not a spitter, so who knows how much damage I've done, and how much more nicotine I've been getting than you people who were smart enough to spit.
Earlier this week, I went to the store to get my regular 5-can log. Turns out they would let me use my coupons, and I had bought enough that it was time for my freebie. What it came down to is that I walked out of the store with 10 cans of Cope, and I paid barely $13 for them. So why, this past Thursday, did I start looking at quitting sites? Why did I sign up here? Why did I decide to quit with all those new cans sitting here? I still don't know.
I rationalized everything. "Let's see, can I hit 100 days on my birthday? No, I would have had to quit last week. OK, How about hitting 100 days on Christmas? No, I need to get this done sooner than that. OK, what about next week. No, there's a family event, wouldn't do to be in the fog. Week after that? No, that's another out-of-town event, no fog allowed." And so on, and so on, and so on.
I finally realized was that there could not have been a better date for me to have as a quit date than Friday, July 11. The company potluck/funday was that afternoon, so I only had to seriously work until noon. No big plans for the weekend, so the fog could just roll in and do it's worst. And all those cans of Cope that my brain wanted to use up before quitting? Well, I finally decided that I would rather flush cheap Cope down the toilet than full-priced stuff!
So basically, when I post in rollcall every morning, I'm saying to all of you that I will not use nicotine that day, and that I will post the same thing the next day. That's my accountability ... my word as a man (and sometimes as a gentleman).
Geeze. I had so much I wanted to say in this post, but the fog has got me. I guess that since it's a thread, I can add more information later.
Thanks to all of you who have sent me messages ... encouragement and welcome. I do appreciate it.
Sounds like your ready. Well done. Welcome aboard. You can do this. we can help.
It's gonna be shitty for the first few days. Hang tuff. Things will get better. they get better all the time. As long as you stay quit.
PM me if you want to talk off the record or if you want my phone numbers. I don't offer them out too often. If you get my number, or any ones number, you are giving your word that you will call and get permission to cave.
I have seen you post and that's good. Remain involved. read, post, bitch, bite my fucking head off. All are acceptable until you get a handle on this. Whatever you do, don't take it out on your family.
Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
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Whatever you do, don't take it out on your family.
I have been a bit of a bastard to them a time or two ... and it happens fast. Something hits me the wrong way, and I fly off the handle, and instantly I wonder why I did that. Oh, well. They've lived with me this long, they'll manage a few more days until I'm better. :angry:
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Whatever you do, don't take it out on your family.
I have been a bit of a bastard to them a time or two ... and it happens fast. Something hits me the wrong way, and I fly off the handle, and instantly I wonder why I did that. Oh, well. They've lived with me this long, they'll manage a few more days until I'm better. :angry:
Hang tuff and take it out on us!!!
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Whatever you do, don't take it out on your family.
I have been a bit of a bastard to them a time or two ... and it happens fast. Something hits me the wrong way, and I fly off the handle, and instantly I wonder why I did that. Oh, well. They've lived with me this long, they'll manage a few more days until I'm better. :angry:
Hang tuff and take it out on us!!!
Welcome Cburns. Ready and Fran are correct. Take it out on us, we've been through it and we're ready for your rages.
I'm sure you've already done this, but get your family to read the information on the site. It will help them to understand if you fly off the handle. Also, if you do this together, the chances of you getting upset or them inadvertantly doing something to piss you off are greatly reduced.
Great to have you with us.
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Reflections on a weekend.
I've just returned from the annual family reunion. I'm sure we're a bit unusual in that we actually look forward to our reunions. I know all of my cousins, all their kids, grandkids (and in at least one case, great-grandkids). We start partying Friday evening, and don't stop until Sunday morning. Well, OK. We're old. We don't actually "party" so much as sit around and tell stories, catch up on news, and eat. Then we eat some more.
Our parents and their parents were big users of nicotine. Smoking was common, but it didn't take too much of a hold in my generation. Instead, being Kansas farmboys, many of my cousins dipped. Because dipping was much on my mind this past weekend, I did a little looking around, watching.
I counted 65 people (including little kids) at one time. In that group, I know there were four smokers, and one dipper. If anyone else was dipping, they were doing it stealth ... and doing a damned good job of hiding it, because I was watching CLOSE.
Me quitting last week cut the number of dippers in the family in half!
As I watched my cousin pull out his can of Wolf yesterday afternoon, all I could think about was "My God, man. If you're going to abuse yourself, at least you could do it with a decent brand!". But honestly, it wasn't a temptation at all. The first 72 hours are so fresh in my mind that I know I don't want to go through that again. I wonder if, as I get waaay far down the road in my quit, those memories will dim. Will the withdrawal not seem like such a big deal? Oh, well. That's a worry for another time.
Today, with the visiting and eating all over ... the temperature outside pushing 100 ... the A/C running to keep me comfy inside ... today, I have craves. Not to worry, there's no snoose in the house, and I ain't going out for it! I have a can of SMC that I use now and then, and I'll use it now. And they're not bad craves ... just the kind that come along when things get quiet.
I hope everyone's weekend was fantastic, and nicotine-free!
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Excellent post cburns. Thanks for sharing. I also see people getting their tins out and think what the hell are you doing to yourself. Its only been 2 weeks today but I was in the same position. My dad (who quit smoking 10 years ago) said the 4th weekend 'What the hell are you doing to yourself" and I thought "what the hell are you worried about and what do you thinks going to happen?" No the rolls are reversed and I'm in that position asking other people the same question.
Stay strong!!
Joe
PS: Someday soon I have to get my introduction posted.
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Reflections on a weekend.
I've just returned from the annual family reunion. I'm sure we're a bit unusual in that we actually look forward to our reunions. I know all of my cousins, all their kids, grandkids (and in at least one case, great-grandkids). We start partying Friday evening, and don't stop until Sunday morning. Well, OK. We're old. We don't actually "party" so much as sit around and tell stories, catch up on news, and eat. Then we eat some more.
Our parents and their parents were big users of nicotine. Smoking was common, but it didn't take too much of a hold in my generation. Instead, being Kansas farmboys, many of my cousins dipped. Because dipping was much on my mind this past weekend, I did a little looking around, watching.
I counted 65 people (including little kids) at one time. In that group, I know there were four smokers, and one dipper. If anyone else was dipping, they were doing it stealth ... and doing a damned good job of hiding it, because I was watching CLOSE.
Me quitting last week cut the number of dippers in the family in half!
As I watched my cousin pull out his can of Wolf yesterday afternoon, all I could think about was "My God, man. If you're going to abuse yourself, at least you could do it with a decent brand!". But honestly, it wasn't a temptation at all. The first 72 hours are so fresh in my mind that I know I don't want to go through that again. I wonder if, as I get waaay far down the road in my quit, those memories will dim. Will the withdrawal not seem like such a big deal? Oh, well. That's a worry for another time.
Today, with the visiting and eating all over ... the temperature outside pushing 100 ... the A/C running to keep me comfy inside ... today, I have craves. Not to worry, there's no snoose in the house, and I ain't going out for it! I have a can of SMC that I use now and then, and I'll use it now. And they're not bad craves ... just the kind that come along when things get quiet.
I hope everyone's weekend was fantastic, and nicotine-free!
Very Well Done.
I remember noticing the number of dippers at the ACC baseball tourney i went to earlier this year....they were EVERYWHERE. I was able to actually see how my addiction must have looked to other people for the first time in my life......was not real impressed.
Yeah, we all have triggers and craves, even some of the old timers.....but we know how to handle them.
Congrats on your triumph.
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Reflections on a weekend.
I've just returned from the annual family reunion. I'm sure we're a bit unusual in that we actually look forward to our reunions. I know all of my cousins, all their kids, grandkids (and in at least one case, great-grandkids). We start partying Friday evening, and don't stop until Sunday morning. Well, OK. We're old. We don't actually "party" so much as sit around and tell stories, catch up on news, and eat. Then we eat some more.
Our parents and their parents were big users of nicotine. Smoking was common, but it didn't take too much of a hold in my generation. Instead, being Kansas farmboys, many of my cousins dipped. Because dipping was much on my mind this past weekend, I did a little looking around, watching.
I counted 65 people (including little kids) at one time. In that group, I know there were four smokers, and one dipper. If anyone else was dipping, they were doing it stealth ... and doing a damned good job of hiding it, because I was watching CLOSE.
Me quitting last week cut the number of dippers in the family in half!
As I watched my cousin pull out his can of Wolf yesterday afternoon, all I could think about was "My God, man. If you're going to abuse yourself, at least you could do it with a decent brand!". But honestly, it wasn't a temptation at all. The first 72 hours are so fresh in my mind that I know I don't want to go through that again. I wonder if, as I get waaay far down the road in my quit, those memories will dim. Will the withdrawal not seem like such a big deal? Oh, well. That's a worry for another time.
Today, with the visiting and eating all over ... the temperature outside pushing 100 ... the A/C running to keep me comfy inside ... today, I have craves. Not to worry, there's no snoose in the house, and I ain't going out for it! I have a can of SMC that I use now and then, and I'll use it now. And they're not bad craves ... just the kind that come along when things get quiet.
I hope everyone's weekend was fantastic, and nicotine-free!
Very Well Done.
I remember noticing the number of dippers at the ACC baseball tourney i went to earlier this year....they were EVERYWHERE. I was able to actually see how my addiction must have looked to other people for the first time in my life......was not real impressed.
Yeah, we all have triggers and craves, even some of the old timers.....but we know how to handle them.
Congrats on your triumph.
'clap'
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Disgustingly Disgusting Chore
I decided, since I was taking a mental health day off from work today, to clean out my pickup. The poor little thing gets a kind of "lived in" look now and then. I cleaned it all out, throwing away old fast-food wrappers and napkins ... I even found one empty Cope can that hadn't been trashed. And then I got to the center console/armrest thingy.
Of course it used to have a can or two of dip in it. I threw them out when I quit, but at some point not long ago, one got put in there with the lid a little loose. So there was a little pile of snoose flakes in the console. I knew they were there, so they didn't surprise me ... but I did get a surprise.
You see, the interior of my pickup is black. The sun here in Kansas has been working overtime the last couple of weeks. We've been over 100 degrees several days now, so who knows how hot it's been inside the pickup, or inside that armrest. Needless to say the Cope was no longer recognizable ... it rather looked like sawdust. But what I wasn't prepared for was the smell.
If I tried to describe it, I'd have to say sort of ammonia-ish. But to be honest, it was like nothing so much as being downwind from a feedlot on a warm day. That special blend of bovine feces and urine that burns the olfactory. That smell that reminds you of money, unfortunately it's someone else's money.
Well, some of you may not live where feedlots are common, so I guess you'll just have to imagine.
So now, I've cleaned the pickup out, and put a dryer softener sheet in there. I don't know if it will smell any better, but it sure can't be worse.
And to think, whatever chemicals were in that smell were also being put into my body for oh so many years. :wacko:
Be strong everyone!
--CB
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My Bupropion Experience
(First of all, let me note for the record that I intend to use this section of the board as my personal "blog" during my quit. If you don't want to read my ramblings, feel free to move along.)
Some of you were around the other day when I finally decided that my "down" mood was more than a passing thing, and I went to see the doc. He prescribed Bupropion, otherwise known as Wellbutrin and Zyban.
I took my first dose on Friday morning, a week ago today. I was surprised to find that I felt better almost right away. Aside from the medication, two things may have accounted for this... 1) I took the day off from work, and 2) My brain knew I took a pill that was supposed to make me feel better, so I felt better.
I have been told that it can take a week or more for the full effect of the medication to be known, but what I see right now looks very good. My wife has even commented that she's glad to have me back.
Before I go on, you need to understand that I went to the doctor about depression, not nicotine cessation. However, when I told the doc that I was quitting nicotine, he specifically chose bupropion over the other candidate medications because of it's benefits to nicotine quitters. You also need to understand that I quit dipping for three years at one point not too long ago. So the memories of the cravings and such are still fresh enough for me.
Time will tell if this continues, but I must say that the cravings have been almost zero since I started taking bupropion. What I do have are fleeting thoughts about dip ... once in a great while I get a piece of gum just to have something in my mouth, but otherwise my quit is VERY easy compared to last time.
Those of you who are having difficulty with quitting: maybe it's time to talk to your doctor. Some guys may think it makes you less of a man to get help for something like this, but I see it differently. If you have appendicitis, does it make you less of a man to ask a surgeon to help? If you're having trouble with quitting and/or depression, you may need to get help.
I'm not a doctor. I don't even know anyone who plays one on TV. Your mileage may (and probably will) vary.
Be quit this weekend!
--cB
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Bupropion, redux
As I approach 40 days, I remember my previous quits, and some of the intense cravings I had during it. Most of you know what I mean ... those cravings that sometimes come out of nowhere and make you want to strangle somebody if that's what it takes to get your hands on a dip of snoose.
The thing is, they just aren't happening this time around. Now, I'm not saying I don't have cravings ... I do. But they are mild, and generally pass fairly quickly. Honestly, it's amazing.
To those of you who are REALLY, SERIOUSLY struggling with your quit ... maybe you've caved already because of the intensity of the cravings: Perhaps it's time to talk to your doctor about some help.
Now, a few disclaimers:
1. I may sound like an advertisement for Bupropion, but I don't make it or sell it.
2. You are unique, just like everyone else! Your experience may vary. I report on my experience only.
3. I recently read where life insurance companies are getting sticky about issuing policies to people who have taken antidepressants. Bupropion is an antidepressant. Of course, life insurance companies don't care much for smokers and/or dippers, either. I'm past the age where I need more life insurance than what I already have, so I'm not worried.
4. I'm taking Bupropion to handle some moderate depression. The fact that I'm quitting nicotine at the same time is serendipity. Your mileage will, of course, vary.
5. Bupropion is not inexpensive, so check with your insurance program and/or pharmacy to know what sort of expense you're looking at. For me, a 30-day supply retails for a little less than $60 (if I remember correctly). Actually, that's cheap compared to snoose. :D
I honestly wish you all the very best!
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Bupropion, redux
As I approach 40 days, I remember my previous quits, and some of the intense cravings I had during it. Most of you know what I mean ... those cravings that sometimes come out of nowhere and make you want to strangle somebody if that's what it takes to get your hands on a dip of snoose.
The thing is, they just aren't happening this time around. Now, I'm not saying I don't have cravings ... I do. But they are mild, and generally pass fairly quickly. Honestly, it's amazing.
To those of you who are REALLY, SERIOUSLY struggling with your quit ... maybe you've caved already because of the intensity of the cravings: Perhaps it's time to talk to your doctor about some help.
Now, a few disclaimers:
1. I may sound like an advertisement for Bupropion, but I don't make it or sell it.
2. You are unique, just like everyone else! Your experience may vary. I report on my experience only.
3. I recently read where life insurance companies are getting sticky about issuing policies to people who have taken antidepressants. Bupropion is an antidepressant. Of course, life insurance companies don't care much for smokers and/or dippers, either. I'm past the age where I need more life insurance than what I already have, so I'm not worried.
4. I'm taking Bupropion to handle some moderate depression. The fact that I'm quitting nicotine at the same time is serendipity. Your mileage will, of course, vary.
5. Bupropion is not inexpensive, so check with your insurance program and/or pharmacy to know what sort of expense you're looking at. For me, a 30-day supply retails for a little less than $60 (if I remember correctly). Actually, that's cheap compared to snoose. :D
I honestly wish you all the very best!
cburns,
What can I say? 40 days is huge. You have this by the balls. Of that, I am sure. Not too many people make it past the first day,let alone the first week. You are well past your first month. I do not have the words to express my pride in what you have accomplished.
I am proud of you! And nothing can take that away. You hard core mother fucking quitter. Boooooooooya. Semper Fi.
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Bupropion, redux
As I approach 40 days, I remember my previous quits, and some of the intense cravings I had during it. Most of you know what I mean ... those cravings that sometimes come out of nowhere and make you want to strangle somebody if that's what it takes to get your hands on a dip of snoose.
The thing is, they just aren't happening this time around. Now, I'm not saying I don't have cravings ... I do. But they are mild, and generally pass fairly quickly. Honestly, it's amazing.
To those of you who are REALLY, SERIOUSLY struggling with your quit ... maybe you've caved already because of the intensity of the cravings: Perhaps it's time to talk to your doctor about some help.
Now, a few disclaimers:
1. I may sound like an advertisement for Bupropion, but I don't make it or sell it.
2. You are unique, just like everyone else! Your experience may vary. I report on my experience only.
3. I recently read where life insurance companies are getting sticky about issuing policies to people who have taken antidepressants. Bupropion is an antidepressant. Of course, life insurance companies don't care much for smokers and/or dippers, either. I'm past the age where I need more life insurance than what I already have, so I'm not worried.
4. I'm taking Bupropion to handle some moderate depression. The fact that I'm quitting nicotine at the same time is serendipity. Your mileage will, of course, vary.
5. Bupropion is not inexpensive, so check with your insurance program and/or pharmacy to know what sort of expense you're looking at. For me, a 30-day supply retails for a little less than $60 (if I remember correctly). Actually, that's cheap compared to snoose. :D
I honestly wish you all the very best!
cburns,
What can I say? 40 days is huge. You have this by the balls. Of that, I am sure. Not too many people make it past the first day,let alone the first week. You are well past your first month. I do not have the words to express my pride in what you have accomplished.
I am proud of you! And nothing can take that away. You hard core mother fucking quitter. Boooooooooya. Semper Fi.
i have been on welbutrin since the beginning of my quit and like you i have found it beneficial....I do feel it helped keep me on more of an even keel and could really tell a difference the first few weeks....
I did notice a few side effects.....for me.
Sleep was and continues to be erratic....and after being on it for over 6 months i feel like i have developed a tolerance to it's effects. I have recently had headaches that i attribute to it as well....due to the timing after taking.
I am in the process of weening myself off it and am hopeful that i wont have to start on something else to replace it to deal with anger issues. I have just recently started an exercise program to try to get the weight off and am trying to work off the mood swings.
I agree whole heartedly....see a doctor for advice but if there are prescriptions that can additionally support your quit....whatever it takes....just stay off nic.
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Sleep was and continues to be erratic....and after being on it for over 6 months i feel like i have developed a tolerance to it's effects.
I had some trouble sleeping the first few weeks. I would wake up several times during the night. Funny thing was, I woke up just as refreshed as I would have with a full night's sleep. Then my wife mentioned that I wasn't snoring so much or so loudly. I was also remembering dreams, something I almost never did before.
I think what it comes down to is that I am not sleeping as deep or hard ... but I'm probably sleeping in a better way. By not crashing into a really deep sleep all night, I think my body is getting the right kind of rest.
Also, the pharmacist warned me about the sleep issue. I am taking two pills a day, and they need to be at least 8 hours apart. So what he suggested is to take one when I first get up, then the second one 8 hours later. That still leaves at least 8 hours before bedtime. So I'm taking one at 4:30 when I get up, and the other one after lunch (around 12:30 or 1:00). Seems to be working for me.
Good to hear your comments!
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I posted this in the October group, but I want to continue with my thoughts on this theme, so I'm putting it here. Stay tuned for the next exciting episode!
Building a wall, Part 1
Actually, the urges to dip (I hesitate to call them craves) have been a little rougher today than usual. Rather than craves where I want to strangle someone to steal their tin, these are more like "Gee, a wad of Cope sounds good."
If it's a warm summer evening, and you're done with the day's work, and supper is mellowing in your innards ... and suddenly you get a notion that a bowl of ice cream would be good ... but there isn't any, and the teenager has borrowed the pickup, and it's a mile to the store and a mile back (uphill), you probably are going to go without ice cream. A wall has been built between you and ice cream. The wall is surmountable, but it isn't worth it.
Around here, we're building a wall between us and nicotine. Every day, we add another row of blocks to that wall. Every day it gets higher and higher.
We built that wall. We can tear it down. We can bulldoze through it, or we can walk around it. Likewise, we can choose to keep building it, keep making it stronger, keep improving it.
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I posted this in the October group, but I want to continue with my thoughts on this theme, so I'm putting it here. Stay tuned for the next exciting episode!
Actually, the urges to dip (I hesitate to call them craves) have been a little rougher today than usual. Rather than craves where I want to strangle someone to steal their tin, these are more like "Gee, a wad of Cope sounds good."
If it's a warm summer evening, and you're done with the day's work, and supper is mellowing in your innards ... and suddenly you get a notion that a bowl of ice cream would be good ... but there isn't any, and the teenager has borrowed the pickup, and it's a mile to the store and a mile back (uphill), you probably are going to go without ice cream. A wall has been built between you and ice cream. The wall is surmountable, but it isn't worth it.
Around here, we're building a wall between us and nicotine. Every day, we add another row of blocks to that wall. Every day it gets higher and higher.
We built that wall. We can tear it down. We can bulldoze through it, or we can walk around it. Likewise, we can choose to keep building it, keep making it stronger, keep improving it.
helluva post.....very well done.
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I posted this in the October group, but I want to continue with my thoughts on this theme, so I'm putting it here. Stay tuned for the next exciting episode!
Actually, the urges to dip (I hesitate to call them craves) have been a little rougher today than usual. Rather than craves where I want to strangle someone to steal their tin, these are more like "Gee, a wad of Cope sounds good."
If it's a warm summer evening, and you're done with the day's work, and supper is mellowing in your innards ... and suddenly you get a notion that a bowl of ice cream would be good ... but there isn't any, and the teenager has borrowed the pickup, and it's a mile to the store and a mile back (uphill), you probably are going to go without ice cream. A wall has been built between you and ice cream. The wall is surmountable, but it isn't worth it.
Around here, we're building a wall between us and nicotine. Every day, we add another row of blocks to that wall. Every day it gets higher and higher.
We built that wall. We can tear it down. We can bulldoze through it, or we can walk around it. Likewise, we can choose to keep building it, keep making it stronger, keep improving it.
helluva post.....very well done.
cburns, You rock.
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Building a wall, part 2
I remember a time, back when I worked evenings, that a group of us decided to order in pizza on a Friday evening. One of our co-workers was complaining about the cost of shrimp pizza, so I suggested she buy something else. Hamburger, maybe? She replied that she couldn't, since it was Friday and she couldn't eat meat on Friday. Not being terribly familiar with Roman Catholic doctrine, I said that I thought the church had eliminated that rule. She replied that they had, but she still just couldn't bring herself to eat meat on Friday.
The wall between her and Friday meat-eating was huge. Even when she had permission, she couldn't get around that wall ... the wall she had built in her mind. By the way, please don't think I'm disparaging anyone here. I actually admire her committment to what she believed was right.
Now, if you're like most people, you were brought up to believe that certain things are wrong. I know we live in an age of relativism, but most of us still have some things we consider absolutely wrong, or at very least wrong for us. You have mental walls between you and whatever those things are. But those walls are only in your mind. Some of them may be stronger than others ... the wall around murder is hopefully a little more substantial than the one around changing lanes without signalling.
Perhaps you had walls around nicotine use when you were younger. But, at some point, you broke a little hole in that wall and took your first dip. There probably was a certain thrill associated doing something "wrong". And wasn't it a little easier the second time? The hole in the wall from the first time made getting through the wall a second time easier. Each time you went through that wall, the hole got a little bigger, to the point where there was nothing left of the wall.
Part three of this message will pull it all together, I hope ...
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Building a wall, part 3
or ... Am I really just a dip away from a can a day?
(If you haven't read them, be sure to catch parts one and two, below.)
So here we are, slowly and surely building our wall around nicotine use. Every day, we come in here and post and make that wall a little stronger, a little more substantial.
I have made no secret of the fact that I quit (using another site that most of you know about) for three years. Three years builds a damned serious wall. But it is a wall that can be breached.
So was it really one dip that did me in? Can a three-year quit be killed by a just a single pinch between cheek and gum? In one way, no ... but in another (more important) way, yes.
It was a business trip. A quiet evening, alone in the hotel room, nothing to do but go for a drive around Plano in the rental car. And yes, I guess I wanted to try that thrill of doing something "forbidden". On the way back to the hotel, I stopped and bought some beer (to help me sleep, of course :rolleyes: ), and I told the clerk to throw in a can of snoose. That dip was just like my first one ever. It was gross, it was disgusting, it was nasty, it made me want to puke, it gave me a little buzz ... but it was not something I would want to do again. Ever. No problem, right?
Wrong!
You see, now I had a can of that expensive stuff. Couldn't waste it, now could I? And the little hole in that three-year wall was open. Taking the second dip was much easier than the first. The third was easier yet ... and honestly, the wall was down in nothing flat. I returned from Texas a full-fledged dipper, using stronger stuff and more of it.
So now I know ... I am literally a dip away from a can a day. I can never, never, never have nicotine again... not even a little bit. And thanks to this site, I know I can do it. I hope you know those things, too.
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"Just one." The lie that we convince ourselves to believe.
NO!. Not this day. This day belongs to me.
Bring it you fucking bitch.
this day belongs to me and my bros.
Strength through superior firepower, eat that bitch!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iikKzQwgBJc (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iikKzQwgBJc)
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Building a wall, part 3
or ... Am I really just a dip away from a can a day?
(If you haven't read them, be sure to catch parts one and two, below.)
So here we are, slowly and surely building our wall around nicotine use. Every day, we come in here and post and make that wall a little stronger, a little more substantial.
I have made no secret of the fact that I quit (using another site that most of you know about) for three years. Three years builds a damned serious wall. But it is a wall that can be breached.
So was it really one dip that did me in? Can a three-year quit be killed by a just a single pinch between cheek and gum? In one way, no ... but in another (more important) way, yes.
It was a business trip. A quiet evening, alone in the hotel room, nothing to do but go for a drive around Plano in the rental car. And yes, I guess I wanted to try that thrill of doing something "forbidden". On the way back to the hotel, I stopped and bought some beer (to help me sleep, of course :rolleyes: ), and I told the clerk to throw in a can of snoose. That dip was just like my first one ever. It was gross, it was disgusting, it was nasty, it made me want to puke, it gave me a little buzz ... but it was not something I would want to do again. Ever. No problem, right?
Wrong!
You see, now I had a can of that expensive stuff. Couldn't waste it, now could I? And the little hole in that three-year wall was open. Taking the second dip was much easier than the first. The third was easier yet ... and honestly, the wall was down in nothing flat. I returned from Texas a full-fledged dipper, using stronger stuff and more of it.
So now I know ... I am literally a dip away from a can a day. I can never, never, never have nicotine again... not even a little bit. And thanks to this site, I know I can do it. I hope you know those things, too.
Great post Cburns!
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Building a wall, followup
I had a message from a quitter who's way into the 200 day range ... he enjoyed the building a wall messages, but was also scared by them. Basically, his question was, "will I have to be as vigilant as I am now for the rest of my life?"
Here's my reply:
... it also scares the shit outta me......
That's precisely why I was somewhat hesitant to post it. I don't want to scare newbies ... or you ... or anyone else.
But what you have to remember is that after three years, I had to "make myself" take that dip. Way before that time, I had got to the point that it was like I had never dipped. It was not some craving that hit me from out of the blue ... it was a conscious decision to try it. Just like it was when we took our first dips.
And just like after our first dips, we could have walked away forever and never done it again. I was definitely like that on that evening. I was just too damned stupid to do so ... both that evening, and the first time I ever tried tobacco.
So please don't get too scared. You do NOT have to be as vigilant as you are now for the rest of your life. It truly does get easier. There will come a time when you will go days, then weeks without even thinking about Cope. You just need to know what I learned the hard way. You really are "just a dip away from a can a day."
-
nice to see a fellow k-stater in here
-
nice to see a fellow k-stater in here
The K-State logo is in honor of my son, who started classes there this morning.
Well, that and the fact that since both my parents worked there, K-State put food on the table and a roof over my head for many years of my life. I may not quite bleed purple, but I sure ain't no chickenhawk!
--cB
-
Building a wall, part 3
or ... Am I really just a dip away from a can a day?
(If you haven't read them, be sure to catch parts one and two, below.)
So here we are, slowly and surely building our wall around nicotine use. Every day, we come in here and post and make that wall a little stronger, a little more substantial.
I have made no secret of the fact that I quit (using another site that most of you know about) for three years. Three years builds a damned serious wall. But it is a wall that can be breached.
So was it really one dip that did me in? Can a three-year quit be killed by a just a single pinch between cheek and gum? In one way, no ... but in another (more important) way, yes.
It was a business trip. A quiet evening, alone in the hotel room, nothing to do but go for a drive around Plano in the rental car. And yes, I guess I wanted to try that thrill of doing something "forbidden". On the way back to the hotel, I stopped and bought some beer (to help me sleep, of course :rolleyes: ), and I told the clerk to throw in a can of snoose. That dip was just like my first one ever. It was gross, it was disgusting, it was nasty, it made me want to puke, it gave me a little buzz ... but it was not something I would want to do again. Ever. No problem, right?
Wrong!
You see, now I had a can of that expensive stuff. Couldn't waste it, now could I? And the little hole in that three-year wall was open. Taking the second dip was much easier than the first. The third was easier yet ... and honestly, the wall was down in nothing flat. I returned from Texas a full-fledged dipper, using stronger stuff and more of it.
So now I know ... I am literally a dip away from a can a day. I can never, never, never have nicotine again... not even a little bit. And thanks to this site, I know I can do it. I hope you know those things, too.
Loved this post cburns. Had a similar experience and wasted away a two year quit. Won't happen again. Thanks for reminding me.