KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Coach_Baker on July 10, 2016, 12:42:00 AM
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I don’t know where to start, there’s so much going on in my head right now – I don’t think I have the adequate amount of time to get it all of my chest before I pass out and fall asleep.
First thing first, I quit dipping. For real. Almost exactly 24 hours ago, my wife walked into my “man cave” looking to snuggle because she couldn’t sleep. Instead, I ruined everything by being caught with a dip in for the first time. You see, I’ve been caught before – just not actually in the act of dipping – through leaving a can out in the open or a bottle. Each time it’s the same excuses from me, the same anger from her; promises that turn into lies that I’ll quit…
This time is different. I want to quit. I’ve been wanting to quit for a while. There must have always been something egotistical going on in my head each time I was “caught” by my wife in the past. First, I didn’t like the idea of being told to quit (whether I wanted to or not) as some sort of ultimatum. Second, I’m sure I rationalized hiding my dipping from my wife because I was never actually caught in the act of doing it. “If I was just smarter and more careful about this…she’d never know!”
The reality was that I think I wanted to get caught. Or, maybe, I needed to get caught; needed to prove that I wasn’t that smart, that slick at getting away with it. Sadly, I think I needed to see that hurt in her eyes at a maximum – to see how much my lying affected her.
To be clear, I’m quitting for me. Again, I’ve been wanting to quit and in the past trying to quit as an ultimatum from her failed. I just needed that “tipping point” to occur. I’m sorry it had to involve hurting my wife’s feelings by seeing me dip in person, but I truly believe it was the tipping point that had to happen.
I feel good about thisÂ…I know I can kick it and get past 100 days.
I just hope my wife can forgive me. Maybe one day, I can show this to her and her perspective may be different down the road, when I know IÂ’ve kicked dip out of my life.
Again, IÂ’m tired and have so much to say on all this, how dip has affected my lifeÂ…I hope this made some sort of senseÂ…I'm going to go pass out on the couch now...
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First, welcome.
Second, I see you've posted roll. That's great.
Third, read my sig line.
The trauma of being caught by your wife will fade. Your desire to quit cannot. We maintain that willingness to do whatever it takes to stay quit by posting roll early each day - before you leave the house, every single day. Posting roll is our solemn vow to the entire community to not use nicotine in any form for the entire day.
Get to know the guys in your group. Grab some number in case of emergency. Remember how badly this early part of your quit sucks so you'll never repeat it again. Stay quit, no matter what.
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First, welcome.
Second, I see you've posted roll. That's great.
Third, read my sig line.
The trauma of being caught by your wife will fade. Your desire to quit cannot. We maintain that willingness to do whatever it takes to stay quit by posting roll early each day - before you leave the house, every single day. Posting roll is our solemn vow to the entire community to not use nicotine in any form for the entire day.
Get to know the guys in your group. Grab some number in case of emergency. Remember how badly this early part of your quit sucks so you'll never repeat it again. Stay quit, no matter what.
RDB'S sig is so spot on. As addicts, it seems we relish getting ourselves into tight spots, only to lie and repeat the process. Take the time and learn to hate nicotine in all its forms. Read the stories of death it has brought about. Think about what it means to be a man of integrity. Quit with a passion and show us each and every day with your actions. We'll be looking for you on roll, brother.
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Hey coach, congrats on a great decision!
Check your inbox for messages (top right corner)!
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Great intro Coach - you've got the right outlook and now it's time to build a plan for success.
Posting Roll is step #1 and you've got that down, so great job!
Now, get ready for the suck. You're going to have to deal with some tough stuff physically for the next few days. I don't want to ruin the surprise, so I'll just tell you to double your water, halve your caffeine, cease your alcohol.
Have the quit convo with your wife. Apologize in advance for being an ass (you will be) and let her know that you're taking steps to keep your promise. She won't fully understand the addiction, but she will support you beating it.
Very soon, the physical stuff will pass and then the difficult part begins. Your addiction is 10% physical, 90% emotional. You've got to reprogram your brain to disassociate dip from activities in your life.
The good news is that you can do this. There is a clear path to success and it's outlined thousands of times on this site. Colonel Sanders won't share his secret spices, but I will.
1) Post Roll early and every damn day.
2) Exchange phone numbers with your quit brothers and others on this site.
3) Share here. We all get it and I'll just about guarantee that there's nothing you can say that will shock us.
4) Stay connected, be accountable and hold others accountable.
5) Be a man of your word - keep your promise every single day and you can't fail.
Welcome and I'm looking forward to seeing you kick some ass here!
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First, welcome.
Second, I see you've posted roll. That's great.
Third, read my sig line.
The trauma of being caught by your wife will fade. Your desire to quit cannot. We maintain that willingness to do whatever it takes to stay quit by posting roll early each day - before you leave the house, every single day. Posting roll is our solemn vow to the entire community to not use nicotine in any form for the entire day.
Get to know the guys in your group. Grab some number in case of emergency. Remember how badly this early part of your quit sucks so you'll never repeat it again. Stay quit, no matter what.
RDB'S sig is so spot on. As addicts, it seems we relish getting ourselves into tight spots, only to lie and repeat the process. Take the time and learn to hate nicotine in all its forms. Read the stories of death it has brought about. Think about what it means to be a man of integrity. Quit with a passion and show us each and every day with your actions. We'll be looking for you on roll, brother.
Welcome coach! Great job posting roll! Sounds like you're trying to man up! Great because this shit will test you daily! Also you wanna make it past a 100 days? That's great but here we wanna make it through the day, that 24 hours, that minute, hell sometimes those few awful seconds! Put your name on roll, early EDD! ODAAT! As long as it's on there, I'll quit with you! Get invested here, get all the numbers you can and use them. You will be a dickhead for awhile, explain to your wife I'm sure she will be so happy she will get over you being an ass! Don't be angry with your family, be a man walk off. Come in here , you will find plenty of assholes to rage with. Congratulations on your first most important step towards your new life. Quit on my friend!
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First, welcome.
Second, I see you've posted roll. That's great.
Third, read my sig line.
The trauma of being caught by your wife will fade. Your desire to quit cannot. We maintain that willingness to do whatever it takes to stay quit by posting roll early each day - before you leave the house, every single day. Posting roll is our solemn vow to the entire community to not use nicotine in any form for the entire day.
Get to know the guys in your group. Grab some number in case of emergency. Remember how badly this early part of your quit sucks so you'll never repeat it again. Stay quit, no matter what.
RDB'S sig is so spot on. As addicts, it seems we relish getting ourselves into tight spots, only to lie and repeat the process. Take the time and learn to hate nicotine in all its forms. Read the stories of death it has brought about. Think about what it means to be a man of integrity. Quit with a passion and show us each and every day with your actions. We'll be looking for you on roll, brother.
Welcome coach! Great job posting roll! Sounds like you're trying to man up! Great because this shit will test you daily! Also you wanna make it past a 100 days? That's great but here we wanna make it through the day, that 24 hours, that minute, hell sometimes those few awful seconds! Put your name on roll, early EDD! ODAAT! As long as it's on there, I'll quit with you! Get invested here, get all the numbers you can and use them. You will be a dickhead for awhile, explain to your wife I'm sure she will be so happy she will get over you being an ass! Don't be angry with your family, be a man walk off. Come in here , you will find plenty of assholes to rage with. Congratulations on your first most important step towards your new life. Quit on my friend!
^^^^^^^really good advice you are getting here. Coach, you are getting a lot of responses from folks here because your intro reads like someone who is real serious about changing their lives. Ultimately when you come here because you hit bottom and want to make a change with who you are, you have a much better chance of quitting than someone who uses this site because they just don't want to dip. So many of us came here feeling the same way you did. Sick of the lie and sneaking and life of dishonesty. And then on top of that the first thing you did here was POST ROLL! That makes you one of us, your accountability has increased because we are expecting you to keep your promise. May seem silly and inconsequential, but keep posting roll every day and you'll learn like the rest of us how important and life changing that roll post can be. Keep doing that everyday. Quitting is tough grueling work. But we are living proof that it can be done. Good luck!
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Thanks to everyone who has posted or PM'd me so far! I appreciate the encouragement and support, which is why I'm here.
All the other times I have been caught, I probably wanted to quit at the time - but I wasn't ready to quit. The hate and anger from my wife each time forced me to agree/promise something I wasn't fully ready to see through. Lately, I have wanted to quit. For me, for the betterment of me. To make me a better father and husband.
Hell, I have always thought of the day I would be free of this shit in my mouth and able to honestly tell my wife I quit if she asked.
So, why hadn't I quit yet if I honestly wanted to for some time now? Well, the beauty of this site is that I've discovered so many others have come from the same place and same situation as I am. So, I don't think too much explaining is needed here. I am an addict and it was too easy for me to get away with.
This is why I think I wanted/needed to be caught. I still don't know if that makes any sense. It doesn't mean I'm quitting because I got caught by my wife - it was just the inciting incident to spur me on to quit. A wake up call that I needed to push me over the top to quit.
It's like I knew it was coming, anyway. The past week had been full of dreams of me being caught one way or another by my wife. Very weird, but makes sense that I was actually caught the same week.
For a long time now I have thought about what it would be like to be rid of this shit. How happy I'd be in the end to no longer have to hide or lie about it. How something that had completely taken over my life and the way I think and behave could be gone for good.
I don't have to think about it anymore - I'm on the road towards living that life. That's motivation for me.
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Take it one day at a time coach. You can do this, just get up and post roll call. The days will pile up, your confidence will pile up, the walls of your quit will build higher and higher
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Like the others here have pointed out, make sure you're quitting for yourself. Make a list of why you want to quit while it's still fresh in your mind, things you hate about being addicted to Nicotine. There will come a day when your addict mind will question why you ever thought quitting was a good idea. A list of reasons why you hate this addiction will come in handy once you've distanced yourself from day 1.
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Be prepared for the suck that your life will become for the next few days.....even AFTER the physical withdrawals are complete, the mental games will continue. Just remember that even though it might feel like you're gonna die if you don't get a dip, nicotine withdrawal has never actually killed anyone ( at least I can't find any proof that it has).... Hang tough and take this one day at a time. Read as much as you can about this insidious weed and how it never did ANYTHING for you....drink plenty of water, and hit the gym. It'll be okay, but it will take some time. You're not alone....thousands have walked this KTC road..... Welcome!
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Day 2 down and going strong!
My wife yelled at me in tears this afternoon as she talked about my lying to her and catching me in the act.
At least she's talking to me... It's going to take a lot to gain her trust back.
I tried to explain this time is different because I want to quit, I'm not doing this because it's what I think she would want. Anyway, she wasn't much interested in what I had to say. Figured that was how it was going to be, so I didn't push the issue.
How did any other "ninja" dippers bring their wives around to learning about KTC? I think this site will not only help me quit for me, but will help rebuild trust with my wife if she can stop by and see how well I'm doing.
Damn, I'm tired - rather deal with that than cravings, though!
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Day 2 down and going strong!
My wife yelled at me in tears this afternoon as she talked about my lying to her and catching me in the act.
At least she's talking to me... It's going to take a lot to gain her trust back.
I tried to explain this time is different because I want to quit, I'm not doing this because it's what I think she would want. Anyway, she wasn't much interested in what I had to say. Figured that was how it was going to be, so I didn't push the issue.
How did any other "ninja" dippers bring their wives around to learning about KTC? I think this site will not only help me quit for me, but will help rebuild trust with my wife if she can stop by and see how well I'm doing.
Damn, I'm tired - rather deal with that than cravings, though!
suthern_belle has suggested the following:
Ask her to sit down with you every morning (for a while) and watch you post roll.
She also suggested that she would be glad to text her and explain how much this site has helped, not only me (suthern_gntlman) but our marriage!
You have my number!
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Day 2 down and going strong!
My wife yelled at me in tears this afternoon as she talked about my lying to her and catching me in the act.
At least she's talking to me... It's going to take a lot to gain her trust back.
I tried to explain this time is different because I want to quit, I'm not doing this because it's what I think she would want. Anyway, she wasn't much interested in what I had to say. Figured that was how it was going to be, so I didn't push the issue.
How did any other "ninja" dippers bring their wives around to learning about KTC? I think this site will not only help me quit for me, but will help rebuild trust with my wife if she can stop by and see how well I'm doing.
Damn, I'm tired - rather deal with that than cravings, though!
It's tough because she truly can't understand what the addiction was that led to lying and the way you rationalized it to yourself. She also can't fully understand the withdrawal you're going through or the emotional attachments you're going to have to break. When you tell her about KTC, she'll be shocked that quitting is so difficult for you. In her mind, quitting means you just don't do it anymore and that if you keep dipping, it's because you must not love her enough.
What you need to do is to give it a few days, when the hurt is no longer so fresh. Find a calm moment and tell her that you want her to know that you're taking real steps to keep your promise and to get tobacco out of your life for good. Tell her about KTC and frame it in a way that communicates that you are serious about quitting and the site is a concrete, measurable step towards success.
Let her know you're going to be getting some random texts, you'll be checking your phone and posting daily.
Answer any follow ups she has as honestly as possible. You're airing out the laundry here, so just own it. You won't help yourself by tacking on another lie.
Let her decide how involved she wants to be. It's up to you if you want to let her read what's going on. Personally, I prefer my gal not to read the site just because it might make me filter myself more, and that's not what I want to do here.
There's a spousal support section here and many find that helpful. So that could be a good place to start.
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Day 2 down and going strong!
My wife yelled at me in tears this afternoon as she talked about my lying to her and catching me in the act.
At least she's talking to me... It's going to take a lot to gain her trust back.
I tried to explain this time is different because I want to quit, I'm not doing this because it's what I think she would want. Anyway, she wasn't much interested in what I had to say. Figured that was how it was going to be, so I didn't push the issue.
How did any other "ninja" dippers bring their wives around to learning about KTC? I think this site will not only help me quit for me, but will help rebuild trust with my wife if she can stop by and see how well I'm doing.
Damn, I'm tired - rather deal with that than cravings, though!
It's tough because she truly can't understand what the addiction was that led to lying and the way you rationalized it to yourself. She also can't fully understand the withdrawal you're going through or the emotional attachments you're going to have to break. When you tell her about KTC, she'll be shocked that quitting is so difficult for you. In her mind, quitting means you just don't do it anymore and that if you keep dipping, it's because you must not love her enough.
What you need to do is to give it a few days, when the hurt is no longer so fresh. Find a calm moment and tell her that you want her to know that you're taking real steps to keep your promise and to get tobacco out of your life for good. Tell her about KTC and frame it in a way that communicates that you are serious about quitting and the site is a concrete, measurable step towards success.
Let her know you're going to be getting some random texts, you'll be checking your phone and posting daily.
Answer any follow ups she has as honestly as possible. You're airing out the laundry here, so just own it. You won't help yourself by tacking on another lie.
Let her decide how involved she wants to be. It's up to you if you want to let her read what's going on. Personally, I prefer my gal not to read the site just because it might make me filter myself more, and that's not what I want to do here.
There's a spousal support section here and many find that helpful. So that could be a good place to start.
Man I was in your shoes three years ago. Even though you know this time is different, she's been lied to way too often so she thinks this quit is the same as all your other "so called" quits. There's no quick way to fix the problem. But you need her on board with your quit, it adds to your accountability and living an honest life with your spouse is one of the true benefits of quitting. I had my wife read my intro page, and told her she could ask me what day quit I am on any given day (which she does every month or so). I shared all my milestones with my wife...one week. One month. 100 days, one year etc. Over time she came to believe in me again. Bottom line is to stay quit and to stay honest, that's the high road. Everything else will take care of itself. Keep grinding Coach!
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Got through a big Day 3 today with no problems! First day home with my son - a day full of "trigger" events. Got through it with some help from the Smokey Mountain fake stuff and just simply "manning up".
To top it off, my 2-year old chose today as the first day of the summer to refuse to take a nap!
My body should be nicotine free by the time I wake up in the morning. That is fucking awesome and a great motivator! This whole week is going to be a tough test!
Thanks to all my brothers who have reached out so far - I appreciate each and every one of you!
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Got through a big Day 3 today with no problems! First day home with my son - a day full of "trigger" events. Got through it with some help from the Smokey Mountain fake stuff and just simply "manning up".
To top it off, my 2-year old chose today as the first day of the summer to refuse to take a nap!
My body should be nicotine free by the time I wake up in the morning. That is fucking awesome and a great motivator! This whole week is going to be a tough test!
Thanks to all my brothers who have reached out so far - I appreciate each and every one of you!
ODAAT Coach! Man can do just about anything for 24 hour's. This is your quit! Own it, be damn proud of every second you are free. Not many guys can say their truly quit but you can and damn proud to be quit with you!
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Have you had the convo with the wife yet? How'd it go?
One of your October bro's is in a similar pickle (BDSqueeze I think). I'm sure he could use some advice!
Stay strong this weekend Coach!
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I never had to worry about getting busted by my other half. She knew I chewed / dipped right up front. I hide nothing from anyone. I am who I am. You don't like it, beat it! She chose to be ok with it. And why not, she smoked, and still does. I did to but it didn't have a brand name ;) . I also did not hide that from her either.
However, when I quit, she asked me of I had quit. I said, no. I'm seeing how long I can go without a dip in my mouth. She knew I was being a wise guy. That was 303 days ago and I still have not put one in nor do I plan to. I did have to have "The Talk" with her that everyone is talking about. She knew I was going to get bitchy and all. I was honest about it. When it got to the point of being to much for her, she told me one thing and one thing only. Loose the fucking attitude and do it now. Yep! Time to talk to doc about some mild drugs. Valium it was! So yeah, please do have the chat if you have not done so already. If you need help with that, we are all here for you man.
I hope your wife is understanding as mine was. We all need the support we can get with this addiction. Especially from our better halves!
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pky, sorry I haven't replied sooner - that's my fault. My wife and I are doing good now! We had a great talk and she's happy that I'm a part of this group! After a few days of the cold shoulder, she started crashing on the couch and not going back to bed until I did. In the past, this would have pissed me off because prime dip time was after she went to bed. Now, I see it as an awesome move on her part to help me...I have no intentions of telling her "It's okay, you can go back to bed"; I know she'll have trust in me again when she's ready to go back to normal.
DjPorkchop, I wish I had your backbone when I first met my wife. I was afraid I would have lost her when we first met if I had been 100% honest with her about my dipping. If I had been, I may have not gone on to marry her; but most likely, I would have earned her support from the get-go to quit. A tough lesson learned, that's for sure.
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pky, sorry I haven't replied sooner - that's my fault. My wife and I are doing good now! We had a great talk and she's happy that I'm a part of this group! After a few days of the cold shoulder, she started crashing on the couch and not going back to bed until I did. In the past, this would have pissed me off because prime dip time was after she went to bed. Now, I see it as an awesome move on her part to help me...I have no intentions of telling her "It's okay, you can go back to bed"; I know she'll have trust in me again when she's ready to go back to normal.
DjPorkchop, I wish I had your backbone when I first met my wife. I was afraid I would have lost her when we first met if I had been 100% honest with her about my dipping. If I had been, I may have not gone on to marry her; but most likely, I would have earned her support from the get-go to quit. A tough lesson learned, that's for sure.
all too familiar story Coach. I told my future wife about me dipping about 2 weeks after meeting her. she said, well ok - its not that bad i guess, you're not a smoker. fast forward 4 years and the continuous cycle of her being upset and disgusted and sad about my dipping, the constant "I'm quitting soon... I promise"... finally it hit me one day, that this one aspect of my life was causing a lot of pain in my marriage. 128 days later - still quit and feeling better each day.
hang tough through this first couple weeks. Be prepared for the mindgames. Your brain is going to try and piss you off to get you to break. the addiction (or mine at least) feeds on anger and frustration. you are going to be a dick to some people for a couple weeks. then you'll mellow out and the cravings won't be near as intense.
You got this!
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pky, sorry I haven't replied sooner - that's my fault. My wife and I are doing good now! We had a great talk and she's happy that I'm a part of this group! After a few days of the cold shoulder, she started crashing on the couch and not going back to bed until I did. In the past, this would have pissed me off because prime dip time was after she went to bed. Now, I see it as an awesome move on her part to help me...I have no intentions of telling her "It's okay, you can go back to bed"; I know she'll have trust in me again when she's ready to go back to normal.
DjPorkchop, I wish I had your backbone when I first met my wife. I was afraid I would have lost her when we first met if I had been 100% honest with her about my dipping. If I had been, I may have not gone on to marry her; but most likely, I would have earned her support from the get-go to quit. A tough lesson learned, that's for sure.
all too familiar story Coach. I told my future wife about me dipping about 2 weeks after meeting her. she said, well ok - its not that bad i guess, you're not a smoker. fast forward 4 years and the continuous cycle of her being upset and disgusted and sad about my dipping, the constant "I'm quitting soon... I promise"... finally it hit me one day, that this one aspect of my life was causing a lot of pain in my marriage. 128 days later - still quit and feeling better each day.
hang tough through this first couple weeks. Be prepared for the mindgames. Your brain is going to try and piss you off to get you to break. the addiction (or mine at least) feeds on anger and frustration. you are going to be a dick to some people for a couple weeks. then you'll mellow out and the cravings won't be near as intense.
You got this!
jswiss11, thanks for the reply and encouragement! One thing I've learned in my short time here is that what I was doing - the ninja dipping lying - was more common than I thought. Finding a bunch of guys who have been in the same boat as me has been the biggest help in getting through this!
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pky, sorry I haven't replied sooner - that's my fault. My wife and I are doing good now! We had a great talk and she's happy that I'm a part of this group! After a few days of the cold shoulder, she started crashing on the couch and not going back to bed until I did. In the past, this would have pissed me off because prime dip time was after she went to bed. Now, I see it as an awesome move on her part to help me...I have no intentions of telling her "It's okay, you can go back to bed"; I know she'll have trust in me again when she's ready to go back to normal.
DjPorkchop, I wish I had your backbone when I first met my wife. I was afraid I would have lost her when we first met if I had been 100% honest with her about my dipping. If I had been, I may have not gone on to marry her; but most likely, I would have earned her support from the get-go to quit. A tough lesson learned, that's for sure.
all too familiar story Coach. I told my future wife about me dipping about 2 weeks after meeting her. she said, well ok - its not that bad i guess, you're not a smoker. fast forward 4 years and the continuous cycle of her being upset and disgusted and sad about my dipping, the constant "I'm quitting soon... I promise"... finally it hit me one day, that this one aspect of my life was causing a lot of pain in my marriage. 128 days later - still quit and feeling better each day.
hang tough through this first couple weeks. Be prepared for the mindgames. Your brain is going to try and piss you off to get you to break. the addiction (or mine at least) feeds on anger and frustration. you are going to be a dick to some people for a couple weeks. then you'll mellow out and the cravings won't be near as intense.
You got this!
jswiss11, thanks for the reply and encouragement! One thing I've learned in my short time here is that what I was doing - the ninja dipping lying - was more common than I thought. Finding a bunch of guys who have been in the same boat as me has been the biggest help in getting through this!
Oh coach just start writing all the little things that you notice changing in your life. The rewards of quitting are far greater than anyone can tell you. I dipped 38 years of my 52 and man 569 days of freedom is unbelievable. One thing I would like to say is let's try to stop kids before they start dipping as well as the ones who've started. I consider myself very fortunate not to have cancer or died early on because only time I wasn't dipping was when I was eating or sleeping! Damn proud to be quit with you!
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pky, sorry I haven't replied sooner - that's my fault. My wife and I are doing good now! We had a great talk and she's happy that I'm a part of this group! After a few days of the cold shoulder, she started crashing on the couch and not going back to bed until I did. In the past, this would have pissed me off because prime dip time was after she went to bed. Now, I see it as an awesome move on her part to help me...I have no intentions of telling her "It's okay, you can go back to bed"; I know she'll have trust in me again when she's ready to go back to normal.
DjPorkchop, I wish I had your backbone when I first met my wife. I was afraid I would have lost her when we first met if I had been 100% honest with her about my dipping. If I had been, I may have not gone on to marry her; but most likely, I would have earned her support from the get-go to quit. A tough lesson learned, that's for sure.
all too familiar story Coach. I told my future wife about me dipping about 2 weeks after meeting her. she said, well ok - its not that bad i guess, you're not a smoker. fast forward 4 years and the continuous cycle of her being upset and disgusted and sad about my dipping, the constant "I'm quitting soon... I promise"... finally it hit me one day, that this one aspect of my life was causing a lot of pain in my marriage. 128 days later - still quit and feeling better each day.
hang tough through this first couple weeks. Be prepared for the mindgames. Your brain is going to try and piss you off to get you to break. the addiction (or mine at least) feeds on anger and frustration. you are going to be a dick to some people for a couple weeks. then you'll mellow out and the cravings won't be near as intense.
You got this!
jswiss11, thanks for the reply and encouragement! One thing I've learned in my short time here is that what I was doing - the ninja dipping lying - was more common than I thought. Finding a bunch of guys who have been in the same boat as me has been the biggest help in getting through this!
Oh coach just start writing all the little things that you notice changing in your life. The rewards of quitting are far greater than anyone can tell you. I dipped 38 years of my 52 and man 569 days of freedom is unbelievable. One thing I would like to say is let's try to stop kids before they start dipping as well as the ones who've started. I consider myself very fortunate not to have cancer or died early on because only time I wasn't dipping was when I was eating or sleeping! Damn proud to be quit with you!
Thanks for the post, pab! I really like that suggestion of writing down a list of positive changes through the course of my quit!
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I was so scatter-brained when I first started here a little over a week ago, I never was able to stop and put a full introduction together. So here it goes.
My fight with the Nic Bitch started back in high school with Beechnut and Red Man Golden Blend. We were stupid high schoolers playing baseball in Florida and thought it was cool. It wasnÂ’t a real habit back then, just a pouch here and there when I could sneak it behind my parentsÂ’ back. But it was definitely a gateway into what would happen.
In college, I continued to use chew on a sporadic level. I would only grab a pouch during stressful exams, papers or for my drives home from college. HereÂ’s the fucked up part, at that time I hated dip. I thought it was nasty compared to chew and never used it. The same sporadic use continued until I graduated college, and I continued to stay away from dip, even with a roommate who was a heavy dipper.
While in grad school, and still staying away from dip all this time with roommates who dipped, I bummed a pinch from my buddy one night while we were out drinking. It was all downhill from there. It started out slow then would build, especially during exams. Back then, I could still stop whenever I wanted. Dip a can of Cherry Skoal in a day and I would be stopped for monthsÂ…until the next exam or deadline at work.
Frustrated with life after grad school found me dipping full time, a can every couple days at least. Then it would gradually increase over the years. It got to a point where I was sneaking dips in at work.
When my wife and I first started dating, she didnÂ’t know I dipped. One night, she found a can I didnÂ’t hide very well. I gave her a b.s. story about how I hardly do it. She hated it and didnÂ’t like it at all. I was too much of a pussy to tell her the truth back then and it would eventually bite me in the ass.
The rest of my story is much like everyone else, especially those of you who were ninja dippers. Once a year of so I would get lazy hiding it and my wife would find out. It was always tough dealing with her and not being honest. Each time I would stop, but I was too big of a pussy to stay quit. It was also an egotistical thing for me – I would rationalize that she never actually caught me dipping, I just had to be more careful.
The sad thing is that the past few years I havenÂ’t even really enjoyed dipping. I was too weak to quit and too egotistical to want to quit until I was ready. ThatÂ’s why I think I deep down wanted to be caught. I know that may seem weird, but on a couple nights leading up to my wife catching me, I had dreams about being caught.
While being quit through KTC, IÂ’ve grown up a bit mentally and realized that it wasnÂ’t just my dipping that my wife hated and even threatened to leave me over. It was bigger than that. It was the fact that I failed to be truthful and honest with her each time. I get that now. Her wanting me to quit wasnÂ’t what my fÂ’d up mind was telling me, which was me thinking she was trying to control me. It has always been about her caring and loving me. She doesnÂ’t want me to get the Big C. I was too stupid to understand that then. I do now, thankfully.
Sixteen years of my life has been controlled by this shit. I canÂ’t believe IÂ’ve allowed that to happen. I canÂ’t believe IÂ’ve allowed it to control how I act and what I do. Thank you to everyone who has reached out and given me support so far. I look forward to getting to know you guys better as we go through this and getting to know even more of the rest of you.
This coming weekend is a nice long vacation to the beach with my wife and son. I had in my mind originally planned to use this trip as the starting point for what would have been another failed attempt to quit. Now, I’m ahead of the game – thank you all for that!
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I was so scatter-brained when I first started here a little over a week ago, I never was able to stop and put a full introduction together. So here it goes.
My fight with the Nic Bitch started back in high school with Beechnut and Red Man Golden Blend. We were stupid high schoolers playing baseball in Florida and thought it was cool. It wasnÂ’t a real habit back then, just a pouch here and there when I could sneak it behind my parentsÂ’ back. But it was definitely a gateway into what would happen.
In college, I continued to use chew on a sporadic level. I would only grab a pouch during stressful exams, papers or for my drives home from college. HereÂ’s the fucked up part, at that time I hated dip. I thought it was nasty compared to chew and never used it. The same sporadic use continued until I graduated college, and I continued to stay away from dip, even with a roommate who was a heavy dipper.
While in grad school, and still staying away from dip all this time with roommates who dipped, I bummed a pinch from my buddy one night while we were out drinking. It was all downhill from there. It started out slow then would build, especially during exams. Back then, I could still stop whenever I wanted. Dip a can of Cherry Skoal in a day and I would be stopped for monthsÂ…until the next exam or deadline at work.
Frustrated with life after grad school found me dipping full time, a can every couple days at least. Then it would gradually increase over the years. It got to a point where I was sneaking dips in at work.
When my wife and I first started dating, she didnÂ’t know I dipped. One night, she found a can I didnÂ’t hide very well. I gave her a b.s. story about how I hardly do it. She hated it and didnÂ’t like it at all. I was too much of a pussy to tell her the truth back then and it would eventually bite me in the ass.
The rest of my story is much like everyone else, especially those of you who were ninja dippers. Once a year of so I would get lazy hiding it and my wife would find out. It was always tough dealing with her and not being honest. Each time I would stop, but I was too big of a pussy to stay quit. It was also an egotistical thing for me – I would rationalize that she never actually caught me dipping, I just had to be more careful.
The sad thing is that the past few years I havenÂ’t even really enjoyed dipping. I was too weak to quit and too egotistical to want to quit until I was ready. ThatÂ’s why I think I deep down wanted to be caught. I know that may seem weird, but on a couple nights leading up to my wife catching me, I had dreams about being caught.
While being quit through KTC, IÂ’ve grown up a bit mentally and realized that it wasnÂ’t just my dipping that my wife hated and even threatened to leave me over. It was bigger than that. It was the fact that I failed to be truthful and honest with her each time. I get that now. Her wanting me to quit wasnÂ’t what my fÂ’d up mind was telling me, which was me thinking she was trying to control me. It has always been about her caring and loving me. She doesnÂ’t want me to get the Big C. I was too stupid to understand that then. I do now, thankfully.
Sixteen years of my life has been controlled by this shit. I canÂ’t believe IÂ’ve allowed that to happen. I canÂ’t believe IÂ’ve allowed it to control how I act and what I do. Thank you to everyone who has reached out and given me support so far. I look forward to getting to know you guys better as we go through this and getting to know even more of the rest of you.
This coming weekend is a nice long vacation to the beach with my wife and son. I had in my mind originally planned to use this trip as the starting point for what would have been another failed attempt to quit. Now, I’m ahead of the game – thank you all for that!
Good for you Coach! That kind of honest self evaluation will really help you as you get past the physical stages of the quit and into the more emotional/ mental phases down the road.
Stay motivated and stay focused. Learn to hate nicotine. Be proud of your quit. Be humble enough to know when to ask for help from others. Continue to make your promise and keep it. You got it brother!
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The sad thing is that the past few years I havenÂ’t even really enjoyed dipping.
Crazy isn't it! Most of the time while I'm was dipping I didn't enjoy it either. But you wait, 6 or 7 months down the road, my dumb ass brain will start telling me, " you remember how great life was when you were dipping?Why did you quit? We need to start that again."
Great intro. Thanks for sharing.
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Oh the mind is a beautiful thing coach! Now is the time to help it rewire. It's gonna take a while. People come here expecting miracle cures and find out there's no miracles because there's no cure. You have to say I've had it with this shit. I'm an addict, I will always be an addict and I cannot and do not want to do this alone! And as long as my names on that roll I will never have to do this alone! I'm here alone with 25000 others to help! I'm living proof this is possible and loving every damn second of it! Damn proud to be quit with you!