KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum

Community => Introductions => Topic started by: hando on April 07, 2015, 11:01:00 PM

Title: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on April 07, 2015, 11:01:00 PM
I'm 36 years old, and dipped for over half my life. Quit numerous times before, relying on the gum to wean me off. Now the gum is part of my regular nicotine intake, chewed in places where even my 'cheek tuck' is not acceptable - in places where I pretend I don't have a problem like church, Awana, cub scouts, or when I'm coaching youth sports. At work (Army) dipping is accepted/encouraged/cool. Outside of work, I'm really embarrassed and ashamed that I can't control something in my life. My sons are always curious about daddy's funny gum, which is better than asking what's in my lip. I'm great at hiding it, but I know that I'm an imposter, anxious to get in the truck to throw in a dip in the morning, knowing that the only times I will be dipless during the day is when I'm eating. I'm ready to do this. Even as I write this, I feel something different than the other times. I will need y'all's help. I am weak, illogical with excuses, always stressed out, I could go on.

Tomorrow will be interesting. I can do this.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on April 07, 2015, 11:12:00 PM
Quote from: hando
I'm 36 years old, and dipped for over half my life. Quit numerous times before, relying on the gum to wean me off. Now the gum is part of my regular nicotine intake, chewed in places where even my 'cheek tuck' is not acceptable - in places where I pretend I don't have a problem like church, Awana, cub scouts, or when I'm coaching youth sports. At work (Army) dipping is accepted/encouraged/cool. Outside of work, I'm really embarrassed and ashamed that I can't control something in my life. My sons are always curious about daddy's funny gum, which is better than asking what's in my lip. I'm great at hiding it, but I know that I'm an imposter, anxious to get in the truck to throw in a dip in the morning, knowing that the only times I will be dipless during the day is when I'm eating. I'm ready to do this. Even as I write this, I feel something different than the other times. I will need y'all's help. I am weak, illogical with excuses, always stressed out, I could go on.

Tomorrow will be interesting. I can do this.
Fuck yes you can do this.

Dude, you are in the right place. Nicotine is all lies.

First, the gum... Have you ever heard of an alcoholic being told to quit vodka by switching to beer? Or a crack addict being encouraged by their doctor to use cocaine to quit? So... Why would nicotine replacement work? It doesn't. Period.

What does nicotine do for you? Well... It takes away the withdrawal of not using it. That's it. Nothing else. No buzz. No reward. It just takes the bad away. A bad ass like you, a man that lives for his kids and his country... Dude you can suck it up for a little while and let the bad work its way out of your system. Yep, it is no fun at first. But, when you look at your kids and they recognize that your funny lip is gone... That inner pride will carry you far.

This is the best possible thing you can do for you. Period. Get your patriotic name on roll call every day first thing. Keep your word. And take your life back. 835 days I was terrified and hopeless. Today I am free. If I can help, my number is yours for the asking. Pm me. Welcome aboard.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Grizzlyhasclaws on April 07, 2015, 11:19:00 PM
Read everything you can here. Welcome.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on April 07, 2015, 11:30:00 PM
Perfect encouragement, brother. Thank you.

I know the first few days are going to kick me in the teeth. I hate this part. Hate it. I become someone I hate. I know the fights with my wife will happen, and that's the worst. I'll sling the meanest insults and not think twice about it. I become borderline abusive with my sons and they have no idea why. I'm an outright asshole. And I hate that I'm going to knowingly do this again for the 20th time. This has to be the last time.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Grizzlyhasclaws on April 08, 2015, 04:41:00 AM
Spare your wife and family. They don't deserve an ounce of your crap. You don't get to do that to them. They are precious. Be honest with them, completely open. Bring your rage here. Spend as much time as you can here if you want to save your life and spare your family. Use this as an opportunity to become a better man. Leave the lies that come with addiction behind you.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on April 08, 2015, 06:25:00 AM
Quote from: grizzlyhasclaws
Spare your wife and family. They don't deserve an ounce of your crap. You don't get to do that to them. They are precious. Be honest with them, completely open. Bring your rage here. Spend as much time as you can here if you want to save your life and spare your family. Use this as an opportunity to become a better man. Leave the lies that come with addiction behind you.
Completely agree. Take all of your rage out on grizzclaws!

Seriously, you have my number. Call me and take it out on me. Walk out of the room, go outside, and call me. The rage will pass. This gets a lot easier in time. You can do this.  You'll never have to relive day 1!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Thumblewort on April 08, 2015, 08:29:00 AM
Come on man, post roll and be quit for today.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Rawls on April 08, 2015, 01:51:00 PM
Hey HANDO..... Where did you GO?

Big ol Military man, with some Church and Awanas......doesn't need a little plant to handle situations in life.

You are an Addict. I Am an addict. Everyone here at KTC is an addict.

ADDICTS HAVE TO HAVE ACCOUNTABILITY AND SUPPORT. YOU NEED US...AND WE NEED YOU!

Nothing to be ashamed of.

We can also be positive addicts to a lot of other great things that are NOT trying to kill us.

Like being a Dad and husband.

I sent you an Email.... lets post Roll today and get this behind us.

You should be ready to Fight for Freedom... Fight for you own. Engage Maverick!

Rawls 'Popcorn'
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChickDip on April 08, 2015, 01:56:00 PM
Hando, post roll !
Quit!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: rdad on April 08, 2015, 04:55:00 PM
Hando man you have some of the best quitters here lined up ready to quit with you. But you have to post that promise in roll. We don't believe you are serious until we see your name there. EVERYDAY. We ALL were where you are now. We get it. You CAN do this!!!!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on April 08, 2015, 07:53:00 PM
Thank you, men. Today was brutal. Today is still brutal, but I made it.

Big thanks to Worktowin...funny how a complete stranger becomes your greatest defense in a single day.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: AppleJack on April 08, 2015, 08:08:00 PM
Quote from: hando
Thank you, men. Today was brutal. Today is still brutal, but I made it.

Big thanks to Worktowin...funny how a complete stranger becomes your greatest defense in a single day.
To be a broken record... Your biggest defense is the accountability that is roll.

It's the price of admission here bro. Trust me dude... It weirded me out too. An Internet forum is NOT my bag. However, the realization that I wasn't alone was huge. HUGE. It takes me 30 seconds and I've done it 100% for 722 days.

Rock this... Jump in and run with it.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChristopherJ on April 08, 2015, 08:30:00 PM
Come on Hando. You now need to post roll and begin the process of accountability. The brotherhood has already reached out. There are many active military and former military like you here. You are not alone. Do not be afraid. Make the commitment. Pm me if you need more numbers.

CJ
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on April 08, 2015, 08:30:00 PM
Spent last 30 mins trying to find my quit group and post roll. Found the jackals, but not sure which post is the latest to copy and paste. I will figure it out.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChristopherJ on April 08, 2015, 08:33:00 PM
Quote from: hando
Spent last 30 mins trying to find my quit group and post roll. Found the jackals, but not sure which post is the latest to copy and paste. I will figure it out.
I am lousy with conputers and someone else can help with details lFor now just click add reply and write Hondo Day 2. People will pick you up from there.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: AppleJack on April 08, 2015, 08:39:00 PM
I see that roll post.

Badass.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on April 08, 2015, 08:44:00 PM
Quote from: AppleJack
I see that roll post.

Badass.
Hando, congratulations on posting! It is hard at first to figure it out but everyone on this site now has your back. You have thousands of supporters now. You are like the Taylor Swift of quit (haha.).

Seriously, doesn't it feel different? You just posted your word to thousands of us in your shoes. Today is in the books, so you don't have to worry about today any more. Tomorrow repeat. Really honored to be on this team with you. You've got a bad ass group backing you up.

We are all a text away. You are making the best decisions of your life.

Worktowin
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Quitforsoj on April 08, 2015, 09:08:00 PM
Loose the gum - you don't need it !

Post roll
Each day

Also - make a dentist appt for about 3 weeks out and get a good check up and cleaning
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on April 08, 2015, 09:17:00 PM
Quote from: Quitforsoj
Loose the gum - you don't need it !

Post roll
Each day

Also - make a dentist appt for about 3 weeks out and get a good check up and cleaning
All nic is out of the picture. Thanks for the dental tip!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on April 08, 2015, 09:22:00 PM
Quote from: worktowin
Quote from: AppleJack
I see that roll post.

Badass.
Hando, congratulations on posting! It is hard at first to figure it out but everyone on this site now has your back. You have thousands of supporters now. You are like the Taylor Swift of quit (haha.).

Seriously, doesn't it feel different? You just posted your word to thousands of us in your shoes. Today is in the books, so you don't have to worry about today any more. Tomorrow repeat. Really honored to be on this team with you. You've got a bad ass group backing you up.

We are all a text away. You are making the best decisions of your life.

Worktowin
You da man, Michael. Thank you.

Doesn't feel different yet; give me a few more days.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Steakbomb18 on April 08, 2015, 10:18:00 PM
Quote from: hando
Quote from: worktowin
Quote from: AppleJack
I see that roll post.

Badass.
Hando, congratulations on posting! It is hard at first to figure it out but everyone on this site now has your back. You have thousands of supporters now. You are like the Taylor Swift of quit (haha.).

Seriously, doesn't it feel different? You just posted your word to thousands of us in your shoes. Today is in the books, so you don't have to worry about today any more. Tomorrow repeat. Really honored to be on this team with you. You've got a bad ass group backing you up.

We are all a text away. You are making the best decisions of your life.

Worktowin
You da man, Michael. Thank you.

Doesn't feel different yet; give me a few more days.
Wow, over 50% of those who have posted on your page are on my phone. I know these guys by name, and exchange texts regularly with them every week. Heck, I've even met one of them in person and I plan on meeting more. It all starts with posting roll and you did that, so kudos to you brother. Never did I think that quitting nicotine would bring me a legion of friends dedicated to making sure I save my own life every day. I don't know about you, but I don't have any other friends like that in my life where that is their sole mission. Keep doing what you're doing...and above all post roll. Don't let your new friends down.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Mike from AB on April 08, 2015, 10:34:00 PM
Quote from: Steakbomb18
Quote from: hando
Quote from: worktowin
Quote from: AppleJack
I see that roll post.

Badass.
Hando, congratulations on posting! It is hard at first to figure it out but everyone on this site now has your back. You have thousands of supporters now. You are like the Taylor Swift of quit (haha.).

Seriously, doesn't it feel different? You just posted your word to thousands of us in your shoes. Today is in the books, so you don't have to worry about today any more. Tomorrow repeat. Really honored to be on this team with you. You've got a bad ass group backing you up.

We are all a text away. You are making the best decisions of your life.

Worktowin
You da man, Michael. Thank you.

Doesn't feel different yet; give me a few more days.
Wow, over 50% of those who have posted on your page are on my phone. I know these guys by name, and exchange texts regularly with them every week. Heck, I've even met one of them in person and I plan on meeting more. It all starts with posting roll and you did that, so kudos to you brother. Never did I think that quitting nicotine would bring me a legion of friends dedicated to making sure I save my own life every day. I don't know about you, but I don't have any other friends like that in my life where that is their sole mission. Keep doing what you're doing...and above all post roll. Don't let your new friends down.
This. I'm not sure I've got a bunch of wisdom to add you've got all the badasses out backing you here. If you need another number PM me. Your story is like a lot of us. Replace army with oilfield  mine isnt so far off. It might not feel so different yet from the other times of quitting but it will. This'll be a real quit. Not a pause, break, or slowdown. All you have to do is post roll  keep your promise. Sounds easy. May not always be. But for the guys here posting in your intro that are a hundred or hundreds of days in, they d all made it work. You got this too.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: rdad on April 08, 2015, 11:03:00 PM
Quote from: hando
Quote from: worktowin
Quote from: AppleJack
I see that roll post.

Badass.
Hando, congratulations on posting! It is hard at first to figure it out but everyone on this site now has your back. You have thousands of supporters now. You are like the Taylor Swift of quit (haha.).

Seriously, doesn't it feel different? You just posted your word to thousands of us in your shoes. Today is in the books, so you don't have to worry about today any more. Tomorrow repeat. Really honored to be on this team with you. You've got a bad ass group backing you up.

We are all a text away. You are making the best decisions of your life.

Worktowin
You da man, Michael. Thank you.

Doesn't feel different yet; give me a few more days.
Michael IS the man! And now you are too. Posting roll EVERYDAY is the price of admission. I quit like F... with You Bro!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: pab1964 on April 08, 2015, 11:21:00 PM
Quote from: rdad
Quote from: hando
Quote from: worktowin
Quote from: AppleJack
I see that roll post.

Badass.
Hando, congratulations on posting! It is hard at first to figure it out but everyone on this site now has your back. You have thousands of supporters now. You are like the Taylor Swift of quit (haha.).

Seriously, doesn't it feel different? You just posted your word to thousands of us in your shoes. Today is in the books, so you don't have to worry about today any more. Tomorrow repeat. Really honored to be on this team with you. You've got a bad ass group backing you up.

We are all a text away. You are making the best decisions of your life.

Worktowin
You da man, Michael. Thank you.

Doesn't feel different yet; give me a few more days.
Michael IS the man! And now you are too. Posting roll EVERYDAY is the price of admission. I quit like F... with You Bro!
Hey man there's no way you can not defeat the nic bitch with all these badass quitters on board with you! Listen and pay attention and ask questions to these guy's, post roll EDD! ODAAT ! Keep your promise to yourself and your brothers and sisters and bam that simple! Damn proud to be quit with you today my friend!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: brettlees on April 09, 2015, 09:53:00 AM
Keep gettin through it, day by day, hour by hour, crave by crave. Learn all you can about nicotine addiction and how others' quits go- read, read, read! It'll carry you through to know what you might face and that others have beat everything the addiction throws your way. Keep going, you're building momentum!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Thumblewort on April 09, 2015, 01:13:00 PM
Quitting with you today on your Day 3. It is brutal, but it's all downhill from here!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on April 09, 2015, 08:45:00 PM
Hando- you are fucking killing it! Winning at something that you have lost at for a long time. One day at a time brother. Brighter days and freedom are ahead. Keep the faith!!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Rawls on April 09, 2015, 11:58:00 PM
Keep taking those big breaths brother. You can do this.
You also have a great group forming to help in those times when it seems there is no oxygen to breath in.
We have all done it.... So can you. ODAAT.
PM if you ever need any help.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Snowboredm on April 10, 2015, 04:15:00 AM
Stay close to the site, chat as often as you can, post every day, get numbers! PM me if you need more support!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on April 10, 2015, 09:25:00 AM
Quote from: Rawls
Keep taking those big breaths brother. You can do this.
You also have a great group forming to help in those times when it seems there is no oxygen to breath in.
We have all done it.... So can you. ODAAT.
PM if you ever need any help.
Rawls,

I see that you and I are both the same kind of 'gambler'. If you could pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it brother. Specifically for a softened heart toward my wife and kids. Two days in a row and we've had some pretty bad arguments - stupid stuff, but it just triggers something in me. I'm ok for a while as we argue, but then she just keeps picking and picking and I can't help it but fire back...

Here's the hardest part. Since the start of the quit, my strength/faith in Christ has grown cynical, as if to say that He can't do anything to help me. In fact, I don't even want to pray about it. The quit is making me irrational/unreasonable. This used to happen some mornings at home on weekends when I couldn't get a fix. Now that i'm 4 days in, i'm really unreasonable.

i'm making it...
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Wt57 on April 10, 2015, 10:09:00 AM
Quote from: hando
Quote from: Rawls
Keep taking those big breaths brother. You can do this.
You also have a great group forming to help in those times when it seems there is no oxygen to breath in.
We have all done it.... So can you. ODAAT.
PM if you ever need any help.
Rawls,

I see that you and I are both the same kind of 'gambler'. If you could pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it brother. Specifically for a softened heart toward my wife and kids. Two days in a row and we've had some pretty bad arguments - stupid stuff, but it just triggers something in me. I'm ok for a while as we argue, but then she just keeps picking and picking and I can't help it but fire back...

Here's the hardest part. Since the start of the quit, my strength/faith in Christ has grown cynical, as if to say that He can't do anything to help me. In fact, I don't even want to pray about it. The quit is making me irrational/unreasonable. This used to happen some mornings at home on weekends when I couldn't get a fix. Now that i'm 4 days in, i'm really unreasonable.

i'm making it...
Don't doubt that through his grace this is possible. The anger and fight is part of the suck of quitting. Don't take your pain out on the family they aren't the fools that poisoned you. Hang in there Handjob you can do this.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: pab1964 on April 10, 2015, 10:22:00 AM
Quote from: Wt57
Quote from: hando
Quote from: Rawls
Keep taking those big breaths brother. You can do this.
You also have a great group forming to help in those times when it seems there is no oxygen to breath in.
We have all done it.... So can you. ODAAT.
PM if you ever need any help.
Rawls,

I see that you and I are both the same kind of 'gambler'. If you could pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it brother. Specifically for a softened heart toward my wife and kids. Two days in a row and we've had some pretty bad arguments - stupid stuff, but it just triggers something in me. I'm ok for a while as we argue, but then she just keeps picking and picking and I can't help it but fire back...

Here's the hardest part. Since the start of the quit, my strength/faith in Christ has grown cynical, as if to say that He can't do anything to help me. In fact, I don't even want to pray about it. The quit is making me irrational/unreasonable. This used to happen some mornings at home on weekends when I couldn't get a fix. Now that i'm 4 days in, i'm really unreasonable.

i'm making it...
Don't doubt that through his grace this is possible. The anger and fight is part of the suck of quitting. Don't take your pain out on the family they aren't the fools that poisoned you. Hang in there Handjob you can do this.
Gotta walk off my friend! Right or wrong man up grab your sac walkoff! Hey look at those kids they need you to do this as bad as you need this! Prayers for you friend! You got this, who says that this is not the devil in the tin working on you! You've got to give this your all! Want it more than anything you ever wanted! Be strong, be the man! Do not be defeated! I struggle nearly every day but I shrug it off smile and say not today nic bitch! We all here to help! Reach out! Just addict trying to help another addict! Proud to be quit with you today my friend! Anyone can dip but not everyone can handle the quit!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: AppleJack on April 10, 2015, 11:31:00 AM
Quote from: pab1964
Quote from: Wt57
Quote from: hando
Quote from: Rawls
Keep taking those big breaths brother. You can do this.
You also have a great group forming to help in those times when it seems there is no oxygen to breath in.
We have all done it.... So can you. ODAAT.
PM if you ever need any help.
Rawls,

I see that you and I are both the same kind of 'gambler'. If you could pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it brother. Specifically for a softened heart toward my wife and kids. Two days in a row and we've had some pretty bad arguments - stupid stuff, but it just triggers something in me. I'm ok for a while as we argue, but then she just keeps picking and picking and I can't help it but fire back...

Here's the hardest part. Since the start of the quit, my strength/faith in Christ has grown cynical, as if to say that He can't do anything to help me. In fact, I don't even want to pray about it. The quit is making me irrational/unreasonable. This used to happen some mornings at home on weekends when I couldn't get a fix. Now that i'm 4 days in, i'm really unreasonable.

i'm making it...
Don't doubt that through his grace this is possible. The anger and fight is part of the suck of quitting. Don't take your pain out on the family they aren't the fools that poisoned you. Hang in there Handjob you can do this.
Gotta walk off my friend! Right or wrong man up grab your sac walkoff! Hey look at those kids they need you to do this as bad as you need this! Prayers for you friend! You got this, who says that this is not the devil in the tin working on you! You've got to give this your all! Want it more than anything you ever wanted! Be strong, be the man! Do not be defeated! I struggle nearly every day but I shrug it off smile and say not today nic bitch! We all here to help! Reach out! Just addict trying to help another addict! Proud to be quit with you today my friend! Anyone can dip but not everyone can handle the quit!
Hey brother... I feel you. I've been in ministry for a couple decades now. Through all of it I chewed like it was my job. This quitting is a hard thing to reconcile sometimes where faith is concerned. One thing along the lines of family... Be extremely open about why you're bein such a butt. Educate them on the physical/mental crap that is going on. Involve them, hand in hand. Healing that will happen together is just as needed as the healing you are going through. Now... Here's the tough one... Give yourself some grace m'man. You are goin through some hell and everything, I mean EVERYTHING, in your life is being reworked as you move further away from nicotine. Christ isn't going anywhere, man... If you aren't in a place to be eloquent in prayer... Dude, He knows. Even if you're just crying out for help and strength to get through, it's alright. His grace, His gift, to you is this site. That's how I chose, and still choose, to look at it. Allow yourself a li'l grace...
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: pab1964 on April 10, 2015, 02:29:00 PM
Quote from: AppleJack
Quote from: pab1964
Quote from: Wt57
Quote from: hando
Quote from: Rawls
Keep taking those big breaths brother. You can do this.
You also have a great group forming to help in those times when it seems there is no oxygen to breath in.
We have all done it.... So can you. ODAAT.
PM if you ever need any help.
Rawls,

I see that you and I are both the same kind of 'gambler'. If you could pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it brother. Specifically for a softened heart toward my wife and kids. Two days in a row and we've had some pretty bad arguments - stupid stuff, but it just triggers something in me. I'm ok for a while as we argue, but then she just keeps picking and picking and I can't help it but fire back...

Here's the hardest part. Since the start of the quit, my strength/faith in Christ has grown cynical, as if to say that He can't do anything to help me. In fact, I don't even want to pray about it. The quit is making me irrational/unreasonable. This used to happen some mornings at home on weekends when I couldn't get a fix. Now that i'm 4 days in, i'm really unreasonable.

i'm making it...
Don't doubt that through his grace this is possible. The anger and fight is part of the suck of quitting. Don't take your pain out on the family they aren't the fools that poisoned you. Hang in there Handjob you can do this.
Gotta walk off my friend! Right or wrong man up grab your sac walkoff! Hey look at those kids they need you to do this as bad as you need this! Prayers for you friend! You got this, who says that this is not the devil in the tin working on you! You've got to give this your all! Want it more than anything you ever wanted! Be strong, be the man! Do not be defeated! I struggle nearly every day but I shrug it off smile and say not today nic bitch! We all here to help! Reach out! Just addict trying to help another addict! Proud to be quit with you today my friend! Anyone can dip but not everyone can handle the quit!
Hey brother... I feel you. I've been in ministry for a couple decades now. Through all of it I chewed like it was my job. This quitting is a hard thing to reconcile sometimes where faith is concerned. One thing along the lines of family... Be extremely open about why you're bein such a butt. Educate them on the physical/mental crap that is going on. Involve them, hand in hand. Healing that will happen together is just as needed as the healing you are going through. Now... Here's the tough one... Give yourself some grace m'man. You are goin through some hell and everything, I mean EVERYTHING, in your life is being reworked as you move further away from nicotine. Christ isn't going anywhere, man... If you aren't in a place to be eloquent in prayer... Dude, He knows. Even if you're just crying out for help and strength to get through, it's alright. His grace, His gift, to you is this site. That's how I chose, and still choose, to look at it. Allow yourself a li'l grace...
Well said AJ! That was some good stuff, needed that myself! Thanks!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on April 10, 2015, 07:33:00 PM
Quote from: pab1964
Quote from: AppleJack
Quote from: pab1964
Quote from: Wt57
Quote from: hando
Quote from: Rawls
Keep taking those big breaths brother. You can do this.
You also have a great group forming to help in those times when it seems there is no oxygen to breath in.
We have all done it.... So can you. ODAAT.
PM if you ever need any help.
Rawls,

I see that you and I are both the same kind of 'gambler'. If you could pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it brother. Specifically for a softened heart toward my wife and kids. Two days in a row and we've had some pretty bad arguments - stupid stuff, but it just triggers something in me. I'm ok for a while as we argue, but then she just keeps picking and picking and I can't help it but fire back...

Here's the hardest part. Since the start of the quit, my strength/faith in Christ has grown cynical, as if to say that He can't do anything to help me. In fact, I don't even want to pray about it. The quit is making me irrational/unreasonable. This used to happen some mornings at home on weekends when I couldn't get a fix. Now that i'm 4 days in, i'm really unreasonable.

i'm making it...
Don't doubt that through his grace this is possible. The anger and fight is part of the suck of quitting. Don't take your pain out on the family they aren't the fools that poisoned you. Hang in there Handjob you can do this.
Gotta walk off my friend! Right or wrong man up grab your sac walkoff! Hey look at those kids they need you to do this as bad as you need this! Prayers for you friend! You got this, who says that this is not the devil in the tin working on you! You've got to give this your all! Want it more than anything you ever wanted! Be strong, be the man! Do not be defeated! I struggle nearly every day but I shrug it off smile and say not today nic bitch! We all here to help! Reach out! Just addict trying to help another addict! Proud to be quit with you today my friend! Anyone can dip but not everyone can handle the quit!
Hey brother... I feel you. I've been in ministry for a couple decades now. Through all of it I chewed like it was my job. This quitting is a hard thing to reconcile sometimes where faith is concerned. One thing along the lines of family... Be extremely open about why you're bein such a butt. Educate them on the physical/mental crap that is going on. Involve them, hand in hand. Healing that will happen together is just as needed as the healing you are going through. Now... Here's the tough one... Give yourself some grace m'man. You are goin through some hell and everything, I mean EVERYTHING, in your life is being reworked as you move further away from nicotine. Christ isn't going anywhere, man... If you aren't in a place to be eloquent in prayer... Dude, He knows. Even if you're just crying out for help and strength to get through, it's alright. His grace, His gift, to you is this site. That's how I chose, and still choose, to look at it. Allow yourself a li'l grace...
Well said AJ! That was some good stuff, needed that myself! Thanks!
You didn't find Ktc as a fluke. Was it luck, or did a higher power help lead you here?

I dunno Hando, but I know that this site helps, and is the difference between a stop and a quit. This time, you are quit. Thank God.

One foot in front of the other.

-w2w
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Rawls on April 10, 2015, 11:37:00 PM
Quote from: worktowin
Quote from: pab1964
Quote from: AppleJack
Quote from: pab1964
Quote from: Wt57
Quote from: hando
Quote from: Rawls
Keep taking those big breaths brother. You can do this.
You also have a great group forming to help in those times when it seems there is no oxygen to breath in.
We have all done it.... So can you. ODAAT.
PM if you ever need any help.
Rawls,

I see that you and I are both the same kind of 'gambler'. If you could pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it brother. Specifically for a softened heart toward my wife and kids. Two days in a row and we've had some pretty bad arguments - stupid stuff, but it just triggers something in me. I'm ok for a while as we argue, but then she just keeps picking and picking and I can't help it but fire back...

Here's the hardest part. Since the start of the quit, my strength/faith in Christ has grown cynical, as if to say that He can't do anything to help me. In fact, I don't even want to pray about it. The quit is making me irrational/unreasonable. This used to happen some mornings at home on weekends when I couldn't get a fix. Now that i'm 4 days in, i'm really unreasonable.

i'm making it...
Don't doubt that through his grace this is possible. The anger and fight is part of the suck of quitting. Don't take your pain out on the family they aren't the fools that poisoned you. Hang in there Handjob you can do this.
Gotta walk off my friend! Right or wrong man up grab your sac walkoff! Hey look at those kids they need you to do this as bad as you need this! Prayers for you friend! You got this, who says that this is not the devil in the tin working on you! You've got to give this your all! Want it more than anything you ever wanted! Be strong, be the man! Do not be defeated! I struggle nearly every day but I shrug it off smile and say not today nic bitch! We all here to help! Reach out! Just addict trying to help another addict! Proud to be quit with you today my friend! Anyone can dip but not everyone can handle the quit!
Hey brother... I feel you. I've been in ministry for a couple decades now. Through all of it I chewed like it was my job. This quitting is a hard thing to reconcile sometimes where faith is concerned. One thing along the lines of family... Be extremely open about why you're bein such a butt. Educate them on the physical/mental crap that is going on. Involve them, hand in hand. Healing that will happen together is just as needed as the healing you are going through. Now... Here's the tough one... Give yourself some grace m'man. You are goin through some hell and everything, I mean EVERYTHING, in your life is being reworked as you move further away from nicotine. Christ isn't going anywhere, man... If you aren't in a place to be eloquent in prayer... Dude, He knows. Even if you're just crying out for help and strength to get through, it's alright. His grace, His gift, to you is this site. That's how I chose, and still choose, to look at it. Allow yourself a li'l grace...
Well said AJ! That was some good stuff, needed that myself! Thanks!
You didn't find Ktc as a fluke. Was it luck, or did a higher power help lead you here?

I dunno Hando, but I know that this site helps, and is the difference between a stop and a quit. This time, you are quit. Thank God.

One foot in front of the other.

-w2w
Booooom..... How is that for some answered prayer. Strong support in the halls of KTC.

Yes I will pray for you.
He has blessed you with your wife and kids.
Don't quit for them and bring on resentment towards them. Let them be the benefactor of your decision to not be chained by another Idol.

Quit for you...... You know it needs to die. Let it die and be excited about your new identity.

They want and need to follow you. They need you to lead them, with patience, understanding, gentleness and forgiveness.
When you quit for the right reasons, you will gain respect and teach them how to handle future situations in their own life's.

I pray you receive wisdom and patience to overcome the lies of nicotine.

I Respect your decision to quit. Now let's put some work behind our decision and learn from men with experience above ours that have learned to quit by replacing chemicals with relationships.

Read and stay here fighting the addiction with the same energy you used to feed your addiction.

And last.. Don't ever stop praying. When would it be OK for your own kids to quit asking you for your help?

Swords sharpen Swords.
I just PMed you my Sword Numbers. Call anytime.

Ps.... Go buy your wife some new walking shoes... Ask here to go on walks. Share your struggles and victories about quitting with her, being YOUR IDEA.
Then don't try and fix her... Just let her vent.
After that... Be prepared for some good ol fashion "Necking"
Your quit will be so rewarding, one day you will thank Him for the struggles you are going through today.
I quit with you and your family.
Rawls
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: brettlees on April 11, 2015, 12:04:00 PM
Quitting with you this weekend Hando.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Mike from AB on April 11, 2015, 12:58:00 PM
Prayers sent up for the first quit weekend. I can't say it better than AJ  those that followed him laid out with the faith part of it. God is with you. Not sure how long your quit lasted before but one thing I remember as a new quitter was relearning to do everything without dip. The change from work week to weekend, though I'm not sure what your duty hours are like in the army, might well bring some of those on. My weekend is spring Yardwork. When I quit I couldn't remember the last time I'd run the mower without a dip. Be mindful if new triggers this weekend  come on here if you need.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Ginet on April 11, 2015, 02:52:00 PM
Hi Hando. Your first quit weekend huh? You will have a lot of "firsts". In the beginning, you will feel nervous about doing things for the first time without dip because it's still new and you still carry apprehension about your ability to remain quit. Keep posting roll. You can do this.

Later on, your "firsts" will be energizing. They will strengthen your quit because you realize that you CAN and ARE remaining quit. It starts to feel pretty good. You even grin a bit here and there. Keep posting roll.

Finally, you approach the "firsts" with your head held high and a steamroller attitude because you ARE quit and you LIVE quit. You now experience hatred for dip, for big tobacco, for the years wasted, etc. You are strong. You are free. You are quit. You however are not cured. Keep posting roll.

Enjoy your quit weekend. We don't get time off. Our quit is a constant just like our addiction. I'll be here all weekend quitting like a girl.....with you.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: pab1964 on April 11, 2015, 07:26:00 PM
I'm side by side quitting with you today! Go have family night without the olé interruptions! Let's do this together my friend! Proud to be quit with you today!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: brettlees on April 13, 2015, 09:15:00 AM
How'd you do through the weekend?
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: rdad on April 13, 2015, 11:19:00 AM
Quote from: brettlees
How'd you do through the weekend?
Hando, tough weekend, easy weekend, none of that matters. There will be some bad days especially in the beginning but you will find that the healing (mental and physical) follows a pretty steep upward arc. The main thing is that you posted each day this weekend, and honored your word.
Badass Brother!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on April 14, 2015, 01:09:00 AM
Totally missed all of y'all's posts from the past few days. It means lot that folks are always looking out and watching my 6 everyday. Weekend went well - kept busy and stayed focused. Had the honor of serving as a flag folder for a military funeral on Sunday. Helped keep things in perspective.

Today was awful...the worst I've had since day 3. Even had a slight panic attack this afternoon, which I've never experienced. But pulled through, worked through until midnight tonight, and socked another victory. These late evening have always been facilitated by nicotine, and I showed myself that I could do without.

I'm still in awe of the team that has so quickly formed and rallied around me. I'm so grateful for you all. Thank you for setting the example.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: gb321 on April 14, 2015, 06:47:00 AM
Are you ready to do this? Today is the big day 1. Today you quit! It's great to quit this terrible addiction. I'm proud of you and I thank you for your service you are now even more of a bad ass. I gotta run I'll follow up later.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Mike from AB on April 14, 2015, 10:02:00 AM
Keep a check on those panic attacks  if they happen again go see your doc. They have meds that really help. It's not uncommon for guys here to end up on all manner of anti depressants  such, and they do have meds to help panic attacks. Mine were bad after quitting  still on meds for them. Looking back on it now, did tobacco mess with my brain chemistry? Probably. But they started for me before I quit only they were managed  I didn't recognize it at the time. Was I using as a form of self medication? Probably. No matter what though a doc can help with that  it's not uncommon in quitters so don't be afraid to seek help.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: rdad on April 22, 2015, 11:09:00 PM
How about an update Hando. How are you feeling about this journey so far?
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on April 23, 2015, 04:55:00 AM
Quote from: rdad
How about an update Hando. How are you feeling about this journey so far?
Thanks for asking rdad...I'm making it. I've never been one to chronicle a journey like some of you all on here. I'm just not as diligent or disciplined, but here's a rundown of my quit so far...

Craves: I average 3 to 5 major craves a day (after meals, post workout, extended periods at my desk). As for minor craves, they come and go like passing thoughts now.

Sleep: Days 1-4, slept like I would if my bed were a bouncehouse with a kindergarten class jumping in it. Days 5-13: Slept like my 5 year old - some of the best in my life. Last few days? I've woken up each of the last 3 days between 2am and 3:30am, wide awake, for no apparent reason.

Rage: It's completely subsided. One of my main objectives in the quit was to eliminate the morning anger episodes. Pre-quit, I was a ticking time bomb when I got out of bed in the morning. My wife had to figure out the puzzle every morning: would I snap at her, kiss her, or just remain silent. As some of know, the day 1-4 rage was almost more than she could handle; that's over now. My mornings are now consistently 'neutral', which is great because I've never been a morning person.

Weight gain: As of last night, I've packed on 11lbs since my quit. I'm 170lbs, so pretty significant gain. Yes, I'm shoveling all kinds of crap into my mouth all day long to fight craves, and even lost a filling to hard candy...perfect time for a visit to the dentist.

My wife: She's so proud of me; and not in the "oh honey, great HR in the softball game" proud. No, she is legit proud of me. It's an awful thing, but my wife didn't believe in me at the start of this quit. I don't blame her; I've broken that promise so many times before.

Day 17 overall SITREP: I feel great...I really do. I've got such good dudes pinging me all day, everyday via text. We all know that the best way to hold oneself accountable is to lead, so I'm trying to be an example to others. I know it's early, but it's for my sake more than it is newer newbies. My craves remind me of the dangers of complacency - even when nic is not an option, my mind is still making strange connections in my head that there is something fundamentally missing...I can't explain it any other way. Like Satan, nic is always stirring and conspiring.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: rdad on April 23, 2015, 10:26:00 AM
Beautiful! You are right on track. Keep doing exactly what you are doing. Your activity here will help your quit along with ours. I feel good about your quit so far and am enjoying following it! Peace.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Robb Wolf on April 23, 2015, 12:29:00 PM
Quote from: hando
Quote from: rdad
How about an update Hando. How are you feeling about this journey so far?
Thanks for asking rdad...I'm making it. I've never been one to chronicle a journey like some of you all on here. I'm just not as diligent or disciplined, but here's a rundown of my quit so far...

Craves: I average 3 to 5 major craves a day (after meals, post workout, extended periods at my desk). As for minor craves, they come and go like passing thoughts now.

Sleep: Days 1-4, slept like I would if my bed were a bouncehouse with a kindergarten class jumping in it. Days 5-13: Slept like my 5 year old - some of the best in my life. Last few days? I've woken up each of the last 3 days between 2am and 3:30am, wide awake, for no apparent reason.

Rage: It's completely subsided. One of my main objectives in the quit was to eliminate the morning anger episodes. Pre-quit, I was a ticking time bomb when I got out of bed in the morning. My wife had to figure out the puzzle every morning: would I snap at her, kiss her, or just remain silent. As some of know, the day 1-4 rage was almost more than she could handle; that's over now. My mornings are now consistently 'neutral', which is great because I've never been a morning person.

Weight gain: As of last night, I've packed on 11lbs since my quit. I'm 170lbs, so pretty significant gain. Yes, I'm shoveling all kinds of crap into my mouth all day long to fight craves, and even lost a filling to hard candy...perfect time for a visit to the dentist.

My wife: She's so proud of me; and not in the "oh honey, great HR in the softball game" proud. No, she is legit proud of me. It's an awful thing, but my wife didn't believe in me at the start of this quit. I don't blame her; I've broken that promise so many times before.

Day 17 overall SITREP: I feel great...I really do. I've got such good dudes pinging me all day, everyday via text. We all know that the best way to hold oneself accountable is to lead, so I'm trying to be an example to others. I know it's early, but it's for my sake more than it is newer newbies. My craves remind me of the dangers of complacency - even when nic is not an option, my mind is still making strange connections in my head that there is something fundamentally missing...I can't explain it any other way. Like Satan, nic is always stirring and conspiring.
Nice Jackal.

I'm day 6 today, so the clouds are starting to part and glimmers of sunshine are beginning to peek through. Thanks for your update and sharing with us noobs what's just around the corner.

Oh, and I'm getting FAAAAAT, too. Gonna have to get that in check now that the sucks are passing.

I'm quit with you today
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on April 23, 2015, 11:39:00 PM
Quote from: Robb
Quote from: hando
Quote from: rdad
How about an update Hando. How are you feeling about this journey so far?
Thanks for asking rdad...I'm making it. I've never been one to chronicle a journey like some of you all on here. I'm just not as diligent or disciplined, but here's a rundown of my quit so far...

Craves: I average 3 to 5 major craves a day (after meals, post workout, extended periods at my desk). As for minor craves, they come and go like passing thoughts now.

Sleep: Days 1-4, slept like I would if my bed were a bouncehouse with a kindergarten class jumping in it. Days 5-13: Slept like my 5 year old - some of the best in my life. Last few days? I've woken up each of the last 3 days between 2am and 3:30am, wide awake, for no apparent reason.

Rage: It's completely subsided. One of my main objectives in the quit was to eliminate the morning anger episodes. Pre-quit, I was a ticking time bomb when I got out of bed in the morning. My wife had to figure out the puzzle every morning: would I snap at her, kiss her, or just remain silent. As some of know, the day 1-4 rage was almost more than she could handle; that's over now. My mornings are now consistently 'neutral', which is great because I've never been a morning person.

Weight gain: As of last night, I've packed on 11lbs since my quit. I'm 170lbs, so pretty significant gain. Yes, I'm shoveling all kinds of crap into my mouth all day long to fight craves, and even lost a filling to hard candy...perfect time for a visit to the dentist.

My wife: She's so proud of me; and not in the "oh honey, great HR in the softball game" proud. No, she is legit proud of me. It's an awful thing, but my wife didn't believe in me at the start of this quit. I don't blame her; I've broken that promise so many times before.

Day 17 overall SITREP: I feel great...I really do. I've got such good dudes pinging me all day, everyday via text. We all know that the best way to hold oneself accountable is to lead, so I'm trying to be an example to others. I know it's early, but it's for my sake more than it is newer newbies. My craves remind me of the dangers of complacency - even when nic is not an option, my mind is still making strange connections in my head that there is something fundamentally missing...I can't explain it any other way. Like Satan, nic is always stirring and conspiring.
Nice Jackal.

I'm day 6 today, so the clouds are starting to part and glimmers of sunshine are beginning to peek through. Thanks for your update and sharing with us noobs what's just around the corner.

Oh, and I'm getting FAAAAAT, too. Gonna have to get that in check now that the sucks are passing.

I'm quit with you today
Another key update to share/educate. Just got back from the ER. I had killer chest pain for an hour or so before I decided to go in. EKG and other results came back negative, and doc thinks my stomach is producing some new 'stuff' in response to the quit (enzymes, acids, etc). This whole quit experience has been a trip, and as if the mind games weren't enough, now I have some sort of reflux or indigestion that makes my heart feel like it's stuck in a spikey vise...

...and through it all, I am thankful and happy. I'll take temporary brutal chest pain and fog over a missing jaw or my kids' fatherless childhoods. I don't have to be a slave to any substance.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: rdad on April 23, 2015, 11:56:00 PM
Quote from: hando
Quote from: Robb
Quote from: hando
Quote from: rdad
How about an update Hando. How are you feeling about this journey so far?
Thanks for asking rdad...I'm making it. I've never been one to chronicle a journey like some of you all on here. I'm just not as diligent or disciplined, but here's a rundown of my quit so far...

Craves: I average 3 to 5 major craves a day (after meals, post workout, extended periods at my desk). As for minor craves, they come and go like passing thoughts now.

Sleep: Days 1-4, slept like I would if my bed were a bouncehouse with a kindergarten class jumping in it. Days 5-13: Slept like my 5 year old - some of the best in my life. Last few days? I've woken up each of the last 3 days between 2am and 3:30am, wide awake, for no apparent reason.

Rage: It's completely subsided. One of my main objectives in the quit was to eliminate the morning anger episodes. Pre-quit, I was a ticking time bomb when I got out of bed in the morning. My wife had to figure out the puzzle every morning: would I snap at her, kiss her, or just remain silent. As some of know, the day 1-4 rage was almost more than she could handle; that's over now. My mornings are now consistently 'neutral', which is great because I've never been a morning person.

Weight gain: As of last night, I've packed on 11lbs since my quit. I'm 170lbs, so pretty significant gain. Yes, I'm shoveling all kinds of crap into my mouth all day long to fight craves, and even lost a filling to hard candy...perfect time for a visit to the dentist.

My wife: She's so proud of me; and not in the "oh honey, great HR in the softball game" proud. No, she is legit proud of me. It's an awful thing, but my wife didn't believe in me at the start of this quit. I don't blame her; I've broken that promise so many times before.

Day 17 overall SITREP: I feel great...I really do. I've got such good dudes pinging me all day, everyday via text. We all know that the best way to hold oneself accountable is to lead, so I'm trying to be an example to others. I know it's early, but it's for my sake more than it is newer newbies. My craves remind me of the dangers of complacency - even when nic is not an option, my mind is still making strange connections in my head that there is something fundamentally missing...I can't explain it any other way. Like Satan, nic is always stirring and conspiring.
Nice Jackal.

I'm day 6 today, so the clouds are starting to part and glimmers of sunshine are beginning to peek through. Thanks for your update and sharing with us noobs what's just around the corner.

Oh, and I'm getting FAAAAAT, too. Gonna have to get that in check now that the sucks are passing.

I'm quit with you today
Another key update to share/educate. Just got back from the ER. I had killer chest pain for an hour or so before I decided to go in. EKG and other results came back negative, and doc thinks my stomach is producing some new 'stuff' in response to the quit (enzymes, acids, etc). This whole quit experience has been a trip, and as if the mind games weren't enough, now I have some sort of reflux or indigestion that makes my heart feel like it's stuck in a spikey vise...

...and through it all, I am thankful and happy. I'll take temporary brutal chest pain and fog over a missing jaw or my kids' fatherless childhoods. I don't have to be a slave to any substance.
I'm no doctor but I believe it's all part of healing. The main thing is you have a great attitude and are a man of your word.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on April 24, 2015, 03:38:00 AM
Quote from: rdad
Quote from: hando
Quote from: Robb
Quote from: hando
Quote from: rdad
How about an update Hando. How are you feeling about this journey so far?
Thanks for asking rdad...I'm making it. I've never been one to chronicle a journey like some of you all on here. I'm just not as diligent or disciplined, but here's a rundown of my quit so far...

Craves: I average 3 to 5 major craves a day (after meals, post workout, extended periods at my desk). As for minor craves, they come and go like passing thoughts now.

Sleep: Days 1-4, slept like I would if my bed were a bouncehouse with a kindergarten class jumping in it. Days 5-13: Slept like my 5 year old - some of the best in my life. Last few days? I've woken up each of the last 3 days between 2am and 3:30am, wide awake, for no apparent reason.

Rage: It's completely subsided. One of my main objectives in the quit was to eliminate the morning anger episodes. Pre-quit, I was a ticking time bomb when I got out of bed in the morning. My wife had to figure out the puzzle every morning: would I snap at her, kiss her, or just remain silent. As some of know, the day 1-4 rage was almost more than she could handle; that's over now. My mornings are now consistently 'neutral', which is great because I've never been a morning person.

Weight gain: As of last night, I've packed on 11lbs since my quit. I'm 170lbs, so pretty significant gain. Yes, I'm shoveling all kinds of crap into my mouth all day long to fight craves, and even lost a filling to hard candy...perfect time for a visit to the dentist.

My wife: She's so proud of me; and not in the "oh honey, great HR in the softball game" proud. No, she is legit proud of me. It's an awful thing, but my wife didn't believe in me at the start of this quit. I don't blame her; I've broken that promise so many times before.

Day 17 overall SITREP: I feel great...I really do. I've got such good dudes pinging me all day, everyday via text. We all know that the best way to hold oneself accountable is to lead, so I'm trying to be an example to others. I know it's early, but it's for my sake more than it is newer newbies. My craves remind me of the dangers of complacency - even when nic is not an option, my mind is still making strange connections in my head that there is something fundamentally missing...I can't explain it any other way. Like Satan, nic is always stirring and conspiring.
Nice Jackal.

I'm day 6 today, so the clouds are starting to part and glimmers of sunshine are beginning to peek through. Thanks for your update and sharing with us noobs what's just around the corner.

Oh, and I'm getting FAAAAAT, too. Gonna have to get that in check now that the sucks are passing.

I'm quit with you today
Another key update to share/educate. Just got back from the ER. I had killer chest pain for an hour or so before I decided to go in. EKG and other results came back negative, and doc thinks my stomach is producing some new 'stuff' in response to the quit (enzymes, acids, etc). This whole quit experience has been a trip, and as if the mind games weren't enough, now I have some sort of reflux or indigestion that makes my heart feel like it's stuck in a spikey vise...

...and through it all, I am thankful and happy. I'll take temporary brutal chest pain and fog over a missing jaw or my kids' fatherless childhoods. I don't have to be a slave to any substance.
I'm no doctor but I believe it's all part of healing. The main thing is you have a great attitude and are a man of your word.
Rdad should be a doctor.

Quitting is not for the weak. The weak fall away like crumbs from the table. But the rewards and benefits are amazing. There is a greatness ahead that you are really going to appreciate. Keep pushing forward, and these intro updates will be a terrific way for you to monitor your journey. Ups and downs, but generally ups from here. Get well soon.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on May 01, 2015, 05:37:00 AM
I've had the chance to experience a lot of "firsts" lately, along with the rest of you. First NFL draft without dip, first time fishing without a dip in, first morning dump without Copenhagen facilitation...etc etc.

None so important as yesterday's though - the first time I have celebrated a wedding anniversary nicotine-free. It also happened to be our 10th. I couldn't think of any other group that would appreciate this notion more than the KTC quitters. Despite my addiction, my bride stuck with me and has never faltered in being my biggest supporter. Today, we should count ourselves as lucky for having strong women in our lives that had greater hope in us than we did in ourselves while living in bondage to nicotine.


(http://./imageproxy.php%3Furl=http:%252F%252Fi1237.photobucket.com%252Falbums%252Fff462%252Fpierrehan%252F13050A45-BA17-496A-861E-3BA98367DF86.png) (http://s1237.photobucket.com/user/pierrehan/media/13050A45-BA17-496A-861E-3BA98367DF86.png.html)

Today and always, I quit for my wife myself, and promise to remain clean the rest of my life. Who knows how many years and anniversaries KTC has preserved. Just wanted to drop another waypoint here along my quit journey.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChristopherJ on May 01, 2015, 07:34:00 AM
Quote from: hando
I've had the chance to experience a lot of "firsts" lately, along with the rest of you. First NFL draft without dip, first time fishing without a dip in, first morning dump without Copenhagen facilitation...etc etc.

None so important as yesterday's though - the first time I have celebrated a wedding anniversary nicotine-free. It also happened to be our 10th. I couldn't think of any other group that would appreciate this notion more than the KTC quitters. Despite my addiction, my bride stuck with me and has never faltered in being my biggest supporter. Today, we should count ourselves as lucky for having strong women in our lives that had greater hope in us than we did in ourselves while living in bondage to nicotine.

(http://./imageproxy.php%3Furl=http:%252F%252Fi1237.photobucket.com%252Falbums%252Fff462%252Fpierrehan%252F13050A45-BA17-496A-861E-3BA98367DF86.png) (http://s1237.photobucket.com/user/pierrehan/media/13050A45-BA17-496A-861E-3BA98367DF86.png.html)

Today and always, I quit for my wife, and promise to remain clean the rest of my life. Who knows how many years and anniversaries KTC has preserved. Just wanted to drop another waypoint here along my quit journey.
Pierre, Congrats on your 10 yr anniversary and thanks for sharing the picture! All those firsts are the glimpses of freedom that we all begin to see on a daily basis. I have to admit that I am a little concerned about the last sentence of your post, and I will chalk it up to you getting caught up in the moment of your anniversary. As I know you have read here, it is vitally important that you are quitting for yourself. Not anyone else, no matter how much you love them. Of course those close to you will share many of the benefits of your quit and that is a huge motivation for me. But as addicts, this is our personal quit that we own. Yes we promise every day to ourselves and our brothers and sisters here that we will not use nicotine in any form for the day. That's the KTC way. If we also promise our parents, or spouses, or children or friends that's another layer. Others can probably explain it better than me, but I couldn't let your statement hang out there Pierre - because I want you to succeed!

Quit with you EDD.

CJ
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on May 01, 2015, 08:18:00 AM
Quote from: ChristopherJ
Quote from: hando
I've had the chance to experience a lot of "firsts" lately, along with the rest of you. First NFL draft without dip, first time fishing without a dip in, first morning dump without Copenhagen facilitation...etc etc.

None so important as yesterday's though - the first time I have celebrated a wedding anniversary nicotine-free. It also happened to be our 10th. I couldn't think of any other group that would appreciate this notion more than the KTC quitters. Despite my addiction, my bride stuck with me and has never faltered in being my biggest supporter. Today, we should count ourselves as lucky for having strong women in our lives that had greater hope in us than we did in ourselves while living in bondage to nicotine.

(http://./imageproxy.php%3Furl=http:%252F%252Fi1237.photobucket.com%252Falbums%252Fff462%252Fpierrehan%252F13050A45-BA17-496A-861E-3BA98367DF86.png) (http://s1237.photobucket.com/user/pierrehan/media/13050A45-BA17-496A-861E-3BA98367DF86.png.html)

Today and always, I quit for my wife, and promise to remain clean the rest of my life. Who knows how many years and anniversaries KTC has preserved. Just wanted to drop another waypoint here along my quit journey.
Pierre, Congrats on your 10 yr anniversary and thanks for sharing the picture! All those firsts are the glimpses of freedom that we all begin to see on a daily basis. I have to admit that I am a little concerned about the last sentence of your post, and I will chalk it up to you getting caught up in the moment of your anniversary. As I know you have read here, it is vitally important that you are quitting for yourself. Not anyone else, no matter how much you love them. Of course those close to you will share many of the benefits of your quit and that is a huge motivation for me. But as addicts, this is our personal quit that we own. Yes we promise every day to ourselves and our brothers and sisters here that we will not use nicotine in any form for the day. That's the KTC way. If we also promise our parents, or spouses, or children or friends that's another layer. Others can probably explain it better than me, but I couldn't let your statement hang out there Pierre - because I want you to succeed!

Quit with you EDD.

CJ
CJ - your response exemplifies true accountability, and its exactly why the KTC fellowship is so vitally important. You are absolutely right - I did/am caught up in the moment and I greatly appreciate the reminder. Reflecting upon what you said, I think there could be great risk in making seemingly harmless statements (even to myself) about quitting for others. If left unaddressed, who knows, perhaps I'd errantly start to believe my own propaganda and find myself vulnerable when the 'quit for others' isn't enough.

For all the newbies that read this (and the vets that appreciate reminders), it is these inflection points that could throw us off course, and its good dudes like CJ that jump in to right this ship. Thank you, man...for today and for having my back since Day 1.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: cbird65 on May 01, 2015, 08:22:00 AM
Quote from: hando
Quote from: ChristopherJ
Quote from: hando
I've had the chance to experience a lot of "firsts" lately, along with the rest of you. First NFL draft without dip, first time fishing without a dip in, first morning dump without Copenhagen facilitation...etc etc.

None so important as yesterday's though - the first time I have celebrated a wedding anniversary nicotine-free. It also happened to be our 10th. I couldn't think of any other group that would appreciate this notion more than the KTC quitters. Despite my addiction, my bride stuck with me and has never faltered in being my biggest supporter. Today, we should count ourselves as lucky for having strong women in our lives that had greater hope in us than we did in ourselves while living in bondage to nicotine.

(http://./imageproxy.php%3Furl=http:%252F%252Fi1237.photobucket.com%252Falbums%252Fff462%252Fpierrehan%252F13050A45-BA17-496A-861E-3BA98367DF86.png) (http://s1237.photobucket.com/user/pierrehan/media/13050A45-BA17-496A-861E-3BA98367DF86.png.html)

Today and always, I quit for my wife, and promise to remain clean the rest of my life. Who knows how many years and anniversaries KTC has preserved. Just wanted to drop another waypoint here along my quit journey.
Pierre, Congrats on your 10 yr anniversary and thanks for sharing the picture! All those firsts are the glimpses of freedom that we all begin to see on a daily basis. I have to admit that I am a little concerned about the last sentence of your post, and I will chalk it up to you getting caught up in the moment of your anniversary. As I know you have read here, it is vitally important that you are quitting for yourself. Not anyone else, no matter how much you love them. Of course those close to you will share many of the benefits of your quit and that is a huge motivation for me. But as addicts, this is our personal quit that we own. Yes we promise every day to ourselves and our brothers and sisters here that we will not use nicotine in any form for the day. That's the KTC way. If we also promise our parents, or spouses, or children or friends that's another layer. Others can probably explain it better than me, but I couldn't let your statement hang out there Pierre - because I want you to succeed!

Quit with you EDD.

CJ
CJ - your response exemplifies true accountability, and its exactly why the KTC fellowship is so vitally important. You are absolutely right - I did/am caught up in the moment and I greatly appreciate the reminder. Reflecting upon what you said, I think there could be great risk in making seemingly harmless statements (even to myself) about quitting for others. If left unaddressed, who knows, perhaps I'd errantly start to believe my own propaganda and find myself vulnerable when the 'quit for others' isn't enough.

For all the newbies that read this (and the vets that appreciate reminders), it is these inflection points that could throw us off course, and its good dudes like CJ that jump in to right this ship. Thank you, man...for today and for having my back since Day 1.
Iron sharpens iron...

own it again today... just for today - we're not granted tomorrow
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on June 06, 2015, 08:43:00 AM
Congratulations on 60 days!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Rawls on June 06, 2015, 10:56:00 AM
Quote from: worktowin
Congratulations on 60 days!
Hammer down Hando.
Great intro working here.
Quit is strong with this one!

Ps Reflex thing went away with me also. More water.. More exercise.
Rawls 201
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Mike from AB on June 06, 2015, 11:46:00 AM
Quote from: worktowin
Congratulations on 60 days!
Hammer down Hando.
Great intro working here.
Quit is strong with this one!

Ps Reflex thing went away with me also. More water.. More exercise.
Rawls 201
Wow 2 months. Awesome work!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on July 15, 2015, 05:35:00 AM
HALL OF FAME!!!

Dude congratulations on the first milestone of many that you can celebrate, one day at a time. It is an honor to quit with you today, and as good as today feels - there is s lot more greatness ahead.

You are winning big time, and winning is sweet. Enjoy today, and see you at 101!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChristopherJ on July 15, 2015, 08:32:00 AM
Hando - congrats on reaching the hall! This is a huge victory in the long battle and you have really shown yourself to be an exceptional quitter. Celebrate today for what it means to you and your family. Proud to be quit with you! CJ
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChickDip on July 15, 2015, 09:42:00 AM
Hando, my Jackal brother, proud to be quit with you!
Congratulations on this milestone , here's to +1's
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Mike from AB on July 15, 2015, 12:42:00 PM
Congrats on HoF!!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Brentz on July 15, 2015, 12:48:00 PM
Century club. Congrats Bro on the 100 days. Keep it up.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChristopherJ on October 23, 2015, 07:04:00 AM
Congrats on 200 Hando! You are there killing it every day. Best of luck today as you celebrate 200 days of freedom and the birth of your daughter. Proud to be quit with you.

CJ
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on October 23, 2015, 07:10:00 AM
Quote from: ChristopherJ
Congrats on 200 Hando! You are there killing it every day. Best of luck today as you celebrate 200 days of freedom and the birth of your daughter. Proud to be quit with you.

CJ
Proud to quit with you today, sir! Enjoy, as it keeps getting better!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Mike from AB on October 23, 2015, 07:58:00 AM
Congrats on 200!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Steakbomb18 on October 23, 2015, 08:49:00 AM
Quote from: Mike
Congrats on 200!
Nice job brotha and congratulations on hitting the second floor!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: pab1964 on October 23, 2015, 11:10:00 AM
Congratulations on the big 200! Great job , damn proud to call you a friend and a brother!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChickDip on October 23, 2015, 11:31:00 AM
Quote from: pab1964
Congratulations on the big 200! Great job , damn proud to call you a friend and a brother!
Hando, congrats on your day 200!
Glad to be quit with you today.

Congrats on the new arrival when or if it came!!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Rawls on October 23, 2015, 11:58:00 AM
Quote from: ChickDip
Quote from: pab1964
Congratulations on the big 200! Great job , damn proud to call you a friend and a brother!
Hando, congrats on your day 200!
Glad to be quit with you today.

Congrats on the new arrival when or if it came!!
Well done Hando. EDD ODAAT! ALL DAY LONG.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: rdad on October 23, 2015, 12:02:00 PM
Quote from: Rawls
Quote from: ChickDip
Quote from: pab1964
Congratulations on the big 200! Great job , damn proud to call you a friend and a brother!
Hando, congrats on your day 200!
Glad to be quit with you today.

Congrats on the new arrival when or if it came!!
Well done Hando. EDD ODAAT! ALL DAY LONG.
Great job Hando! Congrats on multiple fronts! 'oh yeah'
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChickDip on January 31, 2016, 12:44:00 PM
Hando, my brother.
Congrats on 300.
Badass.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Mike from AB on January 31, 2016, 12:51:00 PM
Congrats on 300! Awesome work!!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChristopherJ on February 01, 2016, 08:11:00 PM
Quote from: Mike
Congrats on 300! Awesome work!!
Congrats on 300!!!! Sorry I'm a day late - Enjoy the 3rd floor! It keeps getting better.

CJ
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChickDip on February 12, 2016, 09:21:00 AM
HaPpy BirthDay Hando! :wub:

'party2'
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Can_I_Kick_It? on February 12, 2016, 10:00:00 PM
Happy b day!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on February 12, 2016, 10:50:00 PM
Quote from: ChickDip
HaPpy BirthDay Hando! :wub:

'party2'
Thanks, chick! Always remembering everyone else's needs and filling them. Keep on rocking...you're the best!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: hando on February 12, 2016, 10:50:00 PM
Quote from: Can_I_Kick_It?
Happy b day!
Thanks, brotha!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Rawls on February 13, 2016, 10:46:00 PM
Quote from: hando
Quote from: Can_I_Kick_It?
Happy b day!
Thanks, brotha!
HB ....Old man!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChristopherJ on April 06, 2016, 07:20:00 AM
Congrats Hando! One year ago you began fighting the battle for freedom and never gave up. Keep fighting brother - you are not alone. Celebrate this huge milestone!!

Quit with you EDD.

CJ
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on April 06, 2016, 07:44:00 AM
Quote from: ChristopherJ
Congrats Hando! One year ago you began fighting the battle for freedom and never gave up. Keep fighting brother - you are not alone. Celebrate this huge milestone!!

Quit with you EDD.

CJ
Congratulations Hando! You da man!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Mike from AB on April 06, 2016, 09:07:00 AM
Congrats on an awesome year!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Rawls on April 06, 2016, 11:12:00 AM
What a ride!
Congrats Brother.
I pray you become stronger on every passing +1.
Respect you.... Respect your quit.
Rawls 506
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChickDip on May 10, 2016, 02:06:00 AM
4th floor man!!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on May 10, 2016, 05:15:00 AM
Quote from: ChickDip
4th floor man!!
Another nice milestone Hando! Well done!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChristopherJ on May 10, 2016, 06:54:00 AM
Quote from: worktowin
Quote from: ChickDip
4th floor man!!
Another nice milestone Hando! Well done!
Congrats on 400 days Hando!! Keep up the fight, you have the strength.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Mike from AB on May 10, 2016, 07:55:00 AM
Congrats on 400!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChristopherJ on August 18, 2016, 07:22:00 AM
Congrats on the half comma today Hando!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: worktowin on August 18, 2016, 07:27:00 AM
Quote from: ChristopherJ
Congrats on the half comma today Hando!
Hell yes man! Way to go!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Mike from AB on August 18, 2016, 09:40:00 AM
Congrats on 500!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChristopherJ on November 27, 2016, 08:18:00 AM
Congrats on 600 Pierre!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Rawls on November 27, 2016, 04:36:00 PM
Quote from: ChristopherJ
Congrats on 600 Pierre!
Keep kicking it Hando!
Congrats Brother.
Rawls 741
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: ChickDip on November 27, 2016, 06:35:00 PM
Quote from: Rawls
Quote from: ChristopherJ
Congrats on 600 Pierre!
Keep kicking it Hando!
Congrats Brother.
Rawls 741
Congrats my brother on your 600!
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: pab1964 on November 27, 2016, 08:37:00 PM
Quote from: worktowin
Quote from: ChristopherJ
Congrats on the half comma today Hando!
Hell yes man! Way to go!
Half comma makes you look taller.
Title: Re: My day 1...I don't even have the words...
Post by: Steakbomb18 on November 28, 2016, 07:31:00 AM
Quote from: pab1964
Quote from: worktowin
Quote from: ChristopherJ
Congrats on the half comma today Hando!
Hell yes man! Way to go!
Half comma makes you look taller.
Awesome stuff brother. Glad to be on this ride with you Pierre. Congrats