KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: LMM on September 17, 2016, 02:48:00 AM
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Periodic (but recent) KTC stalker, long-time ninja dipper. 34, married for 12 yrs, kids 3 and 1, professor, skier, climber. For 6-8 years, I've used roughly 1 can/day of skoal LC then Grizz LC straight, sometimes more. Lots more before that. I'm sure I'll discuss my dipping journey in much greater detail later, but I'm just noting now that I'm going to use this intro thread as my quit journal. It may not be daily, but it will be often. As I've read through dozens and dozens of intro threads, the most helpful are those that attempt to chronicle the journey.
So this is...
Captain's log, day ?,
Not sure. It's 12.30 AM, I just went through my first full 24 hrs without nic, and I dipped my last the night before that. So it could be 1,2, or 3 depending how one counts. More importantly - I'm afraid. I'll tell you why. You see, I spent the Summer weaning from my 6-8 daily dips to, well, I got to 2-3 per day. The point was to eliminate dip by the time Fall semester began, which was a few weeks ago. I cut my intake by half, but couldn't get to zero. Believe me, I've read enough intro threads, HOF speeches, etc. to know how weaning is generally perceived in these parts. I tend to agree. At any rate, during my wean period, I got withdrawal symptoms in droves. I had a panic attack (in a church pew!!) and developed insane anxiety. This is important because I've never been anxious about a thing in my life. This was out of the blue and scary as hell. It was so bad that I drug my wife and kids to urgent care one day because my heart was racing and I was trembling like a weed; WTF was wrong with me?; I thought I was going insane, really. Two EKGs and everything is textbook. I get a full physical the next week, with a full blood panel; everything comes back perfect. It's the nic. That bitch (more on this later).
I then find KTC. Explanation given. (Note: i'm not claiming that your tachycardia or bradycardia, etc., are caused by nicotine. If you are worried about your heart, Good God, drag your ass to the hospital no matter what.) But I realized that my withdrawal symptoms are normal. How pathetic was I that I was *still dipping*, yet I was experiencing the fog, the blurred vision, slight dizziness, heart palpitations, cold sweats etc?
OK. Fast-forward to yesterday (or was it two days ago?). I took my last dip, flushed my stash, and woke up in the AM expecting 1-4 days of pure hell ( I timed it for a four day wkend; stfu if you don't agree with quit dates). But actually, I had a great day. No anxiety or anything related to it, no cold sweats, etc. What I did have all day is that general and vague kind of tingly feeling through the extremities; nothing that uncomfortable, more like the nic bitch is going inch by inch looking for the fix your dumb ass is about to deliver. I had a few strong craves at expected times (post-eating). I handled those with Smokey Mtn. I have never had fake dip until today (yesterday?), but that shit was like pure magic. I'd crave so hard (PS - I live 150 yards from a Shell station), put in a Smokey Mtn, and be just fine for the next few hours. I always hated corn silk, but now I love it.
So, my first day was amazing, and this makes me kind of sad in a way. I was sort of hoping for the 'quickening', pure hell for a few days, before light at the end of the tunnel is seen. I think I can deal with craves, irritability, etc., but I am really worried about the anxiety. I have to lecture in front of college students for 4 hours each Tues/Thurs. Imagine doing that if you can't breath, your heart is racing, you're sweating like a whore in church, and you aren't sure if you are about to fall over at any given moment. It's only Friday (Saturday?), but this next week is gonna suck donkey balls. I want the hell to begin ASAP!
(Postscript: Yes, I will at some point figure out how to post roll. First I just need to get an advanced degree in how the internet functioned in 1997. I should have that by tomorrow.)
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Welcome to the quit.
It sounds like you've read a bit and know what to expect. My advice is that you need to slow it down a bit. You sound like you want to beat this thing into the ground, but that isn't how this fight is won. It isn't shock and awe blitzkreig, it is a day to day hearts and minds battle. You have to focus directly in what is in front of you. Make a promise, keep it for today.
There is no shortcut. You can't fast forward the pain, because the pain is the easy part. It's the realization that you need to win every single day that drags you down. You may be worried about giving a lecture, but don't worry about that until it's in front of you. Win the current battle and fight that one when it comes.
If you've figured out the intro, you know how to post roll. If you know that folks will give you a hard time about it, then you know it's an expectation. Stop stalling and post up. If you want to be quit and if you want to use this site, you know that you will be joining a quit group, so just sack up and do it.
You have a chip on your shoulder, that's good. Use that, keep it going. But realize that there is no shortcut to quit, there is only one day at a time, every damn day.
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Welcome...
Like PKY said, use that hatred for nic to your advantage! Fully expect to see you on roll at some point before the day runs out. Just remember, even though it may seem like it, nicotine withdrawal has NEVER actually killed anyone (at least I can't find any examples on the interwebs).
Build a network of accountability with your fellow quitters. Over time, if you stick close to this place, they'll become extended family. The more numbers you have in your "quit rolodex", the more likely it is you'll be secure in your quit. This place works....learn how, and then use the system. Countless thousands of others have done it....you can make it countless thousands of others plus one!
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^^^^^^ like they said.. Do it one day, hour, min at a time if you have to. Just make sure you are doing it for you all the time. Like caveman said. Numbers, numbers, numbers!!! You won't go wrong with the numbers of your fellow quitters... the family I have gained on this sight is one of the many reasons I have gotten through some tough times. Congratulations on getting rid of that evil nic. Here is to quitting with you today..
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Welcome Brother! Alot of good support on this site, PM me if you need anything!
-Dan
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Welcome Brother! Alot of good support on this site, PM me if you need anything!
-Dan
^^ like Dan said reach out to whoever and we are here to help in whatever you need or want advice on
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Thanks for the support and encouragement, gents. I really appreciate you investing valuable time to serve as sherpas to the new quitters.
Captain's Log, day 2:
Day two was easy, again. Some craves, but nothing too overwhelming, and very few physical symptoms. I had that same vague tingly feeling mostly in my legs, some irritability, and I got dizzy in line at Wal-mart when I was picking up some Smokey Mountain, but that's about it. (By the way, I guess it makes sense, but it is horrible that they sell fake dip only in the access-only checkout lane with all the real stuff. I had to sit there and look over every can of dip on the rack to see if they actually had Smokey at this particular store. Surprisingly, this wasn't much of a trigger for me, and I did get to mention KTC to a guy after he recommended some new Cope flavor and I told him I was there for the real shit - Smokey Mtn Herbal Snuff.)
At any rate, I'm worried and baffled that it's been so easy thus far. I guess it will hit me at some point, and I'll be ready, but I just want to get started with the suck so I can also get started making it through to the other side. But I'll take whatever comes my way tomorrow.
One thing did happen today that I'm not proud of. I was outside while my 3 year old was playing in her kiddie pool. She came and wiped her wet hands and arms on my pants, and I immediately said "why would you do that?" with some edge in my voice. I walked 10 feet to get her a towel, and when I turned back I saw this little naked 3-year-old girl with her head down and her bottom lip pooched out and quivering. she was so hurt; I was crushed and instantly felt like shit. I am always sure to remain even-keeled and level-headed with my kids; I don't have much of a temper to speak of, and I *never* yell at my kids. I didn't yell at her this time, but it was enough to really shock her. Poor thing. I am going to have to work hard on the irritability thing around the fam. The thing is, I haven't felt especially irritable until i say (or want to say) something stupid and over-the-top in a given scenario. Whoops.
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LMM, congrats on 2 days quit. Today will be day 3. Great job. And yes you did post roll correctly. Bit of a learning curve with posting but once you have it down you can just about do it in your sleep.
Lets touch on a couple things. Yes your correct, your intro is your intro and it is indeed a log to chronical your quit. And if you do things correctly, meaning post roll for 100 days you will earn the right to post your own HOF ( Hall of Fame speech ). There will be discussions going on in your HOF group pages but your intro is where you can come personally to write your own journal of Quit. It will be a reflection of your journey. Which brings me to the next point.
This is a journey. A journey of 1 Days. Your two intro posts spoke of how easy its been going. Well grab a jock strap and a cup because your going to get kicked in the nuts. Soon and hard. Addiction is like another person that your battling against. And that addiction has a strategy to defeat you. Its laying low right now. Waiting to catch you off guard. Like in the movies when someone slips up from behind and hits someone in the head with a bottle and knocks them out. Addiction will throw everything at you that it can.
And this takes us to posting roll. You did a great job getting that done but............ Looks like you posted roll after 12 pm. As an addict, what time did you normally begin your day with a nic fix? Well, posting roll has a couple of goals. It is behavior modification and also a promise. Replace that daily first thing in the morning habit with posting roll. Second, its your promise to the entire KTC community that you will not use for today. Takes the pressure off. Your not promising forever. Your promising that today you will give it all you got. Also, posting first thing each day leaves none of your waking hours uncovered by that promise. Its a safe guard for when that nic bitch comes around. If YOU plan your day the the nic bitch cant slip in and plan it for you.
Welcome to KTC. This place will change your life. PM me your number and Ill walk out this quit with you.
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Nice job on your quit thus far.
A few words of advice - be careful brother, don't get complacent. The mental mind games have been harder for me than the nic body addiction.
Stay close to this site. Some of my hardest days were 100-150. You can do this. Dont keep thinking it is easy, because that is the NIC talking, trying to get you back into its icy grip
I'm almost 400 days and I'm still and always will be just one moment of weakness away from the abyss.
Always an addict, always ready, keeping an eye out, and always close to my KTC brothers
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Look this quit will not happen over night. You're an addict and guess what, you always will be. Don't worry about the suck it will definitely come. Remember the family, didn't stick that shit in your mouth, be a man fill the tension and walk your ass off. Like it or not, everything you read on here is not gonna be to your likings but take what you need and leave the rest! That same little girl with that pooched out lip , is gonna need her daddy, so sack it up and do whatever it takes to beat this horrible addiction! I quit with you today!
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LMM just keep that positive attitude.....i truly believe we all have the ability to have some control of how bad the suck sucks....we all experience the suck at different levels..expect the best and get some digits off people and post roll and your thoughts( good or bad) everyday.....definitely posting thoughts during a crave really helps and it also helps others.....from reading your intro i think you really have a lot to offer your group
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The newbies here, like myself, really do stand on the shoulders of giants. When we know the wisdom proffered comes from experience, it makes it that much more likely to be soaked up and heeded. Thanks to all the vets who are behind us. You don't actually have any moral obligation to stick around to guide us, but you do it anyway. We philosophers call that supererogatory action, and it makes the world a better place.
Captain's Log - day 3,
Not bad. I had a quick bout of anxiety (in a church pew again, WTF?) that was enough to elevate my heart rate and cause me to sweat and get the shakes, etc., but Jedi mind tricks were employed to keep that episode short. I had issues with anxiety during my early weaning this past Summer, as my first intro post implied, and I slowly learned to keep it at bay, lesson its duration, and the like. But every new bout of anxiety is a chance to continue working on that. I'll have many more opportunities, I'm sure. This is the symptom of quitting that I dread the most.
I had a number of minor craves today that were quick and easy to dismiss. I also had 2-3 really powerful craves, like "i've got to run to the Shell right now or the world is going to end." They come at the most random times. If I throw in a Smokey Mtn fake dip, and pull up my tagged KTC "crave pages" (right now I'm digging through Traumagnet's epoch), I can get through them.
Many have noted above, implicitly or explicitly, that I'm all too complacent about my quit or that I am rushing to get through it. I certainly would love to get to a more comfortable position down the road, but today I just thought about today. I'm not complacent. It has not been a difficult three days on the whole, but I'm not about to say "this is a breeze; I can quit any time, so I can go out for a can without any real consequences." In fact, I think about my quit incessantly...what is my body telling me? How was this little crave triggered? How did eating X amount of sugar at time T impact my mood?
In short, I'm not fucking around here. I'm just doing my best to prepare myself for the hurdles that come tomorrow. Some will be expected; some will be from left field. Some hurdles will be easily bitch-slapped away; others will take out my knees. Thank you all, again, for your sage advice and commentary.
(PS - for those thinking my roll post times are problematic: I have a wacky schedule. Some days I wake at 5.30; some days I wake at 11.30. I will try my best to get to roll shortly after waking, just as I used to try my best to get in a fat lipper as soon as I was conscious each morn.
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Captain's log - day 4,
The seas are getting a bit choppier than the first three days of our journey. The ship is being knocked about, affecting balance and leading to brief spells of dizziness. There was also a bit of fog this morning, which made staying on course difficult at times. When there is fog on the open seas, it is best to slow down, carefully observe one's surroundings, and proceed with the confidence that fog is, by its very nature, ephemeral. Even if it seems impenetrable and endless, it will actually be short-lived and fleeting. Blue skies and a warm sun are in our future.
Tomorrow might require all hands on deck, but tonight I shall retire to my chambers with a jug of spiced rum.
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Captain's log - day 5,
Worst day so far. First day back to the university, but first really foggy day also. It was absurd trying to read really difficult literature and prepare to lecture. I was reading sentences 5 times in a row with no retention. Horrible feeling, the fog is.
However, I had very few craves today. I think my brain was too occupied with keeping my conscious states as empty as possible.
As I was reaching the end of Traumagnet's intro thread tonight, with the overwhelming sense of sadness and loss that doing so brings, I found myself instinctively reach into the bag by my desk where my Grizz used to be. WTF? It's so surprising as I begin to realize how this subconscious willing for nic coincides with certain human emotions.
Despite a shitty day, I'm glad to have quit with all of you today, and I'll be back in the AM with the same promise.
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Captain's log - day 6:
Better than yesterday. The fog was back, but it was patchy and short lived. I can sort of feel the fog come over me like a wave from head to toe (best analogy I can think of), so I know what it is going to be like for the next X amount of time. (Is the fog like this for anyone else?) It's not like I would suddenly realize "oh, I'm in the fog, no wonder I can't do shit!" Not at all. You know when it's coming on and you know when it's gone. Today, patches of fog would last for 10-30 minutes.
I also had a few minutes of cold sweats and dizziness, but then I ate a shit-ton of hoison beef stuffed pitas and was golden.
All the bodily tingly feelings (especially in legs/feet) have mostly disappeared, which is a pleasant sign of positive change. I'll take it. Also, craves were easy today. I know that will change.
Soap box time: there is a distinction that is proffered on KTC (often and everywhere), that I think is unhelpful and in fact dangerous. (If anyone actually reads this thread, please let me know your $.02 on the issue.) The distinction is that between 'physical' and 'mental' withdrawal symptoms. It usually goes like this: "nicotine leaves your system within 72 hours, and during that time you will experience physical withdrawal; after that, the mental game takes over..."
I thought this was bullshit even before I quit and merely stalked this site. I still do. Of course there are obvious physical symptoms of withdrawal early on: sweats, hot-flashes, constipation, shakes and jitters, and so on, that don't affect folks who are weeks or months into their quit. However, consider these symptoms: foggy brain, anxiety, depression, heart palpitations/tachycardia, fidgety, irritability, and so on. These are all physical; most of them concern how nic has changed the constitution and number of certain brain receptors and/or how that in turn affects the release of certain hormones into the bloodstream. *The brain is a physical thing.*
My worry about preaching this pseudo-distinction is that it might scare off potential (and early) quitters. If someone is a few weeks in and has heart palpitations, shaky hands, etc., they might think something is wrong ("i'm not supposed to have physical symptoms anymore; I'm just supposed to be fighting the mental fight: cravings!") It's not like that. Physical withdrawal is very prolonged in the case of nicotine, and we should own it and admit that. Doing otherwise is deception.
(PS - I've just finished beer #6, but I am eating chips/salsa 'Have a beer' )
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Most of those symptoms (at least for me) faded out after the first week or two. I was eating so much food and gained a few extra pounds; I used to sit on the couch and dip all day so I need to replace that "dip time" with more food to occupy me!!! I finally decided that all that spare time I was dipping could be used on exercise; stuffing your face will fade and you will find yourself more invested in your health.
Tread carefully with alcohol on the first few weeks; our group had a ton of booze related caves because it's a huge trigger event. I stayed away from it for the first couple weeks and I am glad I did. Keep it up!!!
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No one persons quit is gonna be the same. I agree with physical part, heart palpitations, anxiety hell I still get them rarely now. But it was everyday when I was dipping. The fog rears its head still some days but for brief seconds. Don't worry about a whole lot of stuff physically because I can promise you some weird shit can and probably will happen but definitely not life threatening. The tingling in limbs is the better blood flow. I dipped 38 years and am just now starting to figure out what a normal life without dip is like. I absolutely love it! Log down when you notice small things that would normally not have happened when dipping, it's amazing! Quit on!
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Captain's log - day 7:
It feels good to get to the end of week one, especially knowing that I'll never have a week one again! It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it still sucked. I hope that trend continues, but I'm ready if it doesn't.
Today was off-and-on mild fog, coupled with a lot of jitters and I-dont-know-how-to-explain-it weird feeling. I thought about dip a bunch, but never really had a crave today. I've got a four day weekend starting, and I'm gonna use it to focus on my quit and recovery.
Finally, another complaint (rant) about misinformation on this site. I've seen lots of advice to new quitters to drink lots of OJ or fruit juice because the brain produces sugars when you dip, and drinking sugary juice will compensate for that. That is straightforward bullshit. The brain does not *produce* any sugars. The brain does consume about as much sugar as the rest of our body combined, but you don't need to feed it extra to compensate in your quit. If you do consume extra sugars, your body is just going to store them as fat. Enjoy those extra pounds!
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Congrats on your One week! It's important to track these early milestones. They are genuine accomplishments and should be a source of pride. I've enjoyed catching up on your intro too, these log entries/ brain dumps can be very cathartic and will really help you organize your thoughts. It also helps other quitters get to know you, so keep it up!
I think the point about the juice/ sugar is that right now, weight gain and diet are not the priority. If indulging in sweets makes quitting easier, then go for it because that is something that can always be worked off later.
I'll also echo the advice about not going overboard with alcohol. Early on, drinking can be a killer. "I was drunk" is a common excuse, but that doesn't mean it's excusable.
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This is a great introduction thread!
I didn't up my OJ or juice intake but I did find that drinking more water helped me out. I think exercise helps a bit too. It might not have anything to do with withdrawal but it may help one keep their mind off of dipping.
I remember staring at the walls for a few hours on day 12. It probably took at least a month for me to feel "normal" again and even after that there are many funk periods.
I quit with you today! Stranger999 - day 384.
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Congrats on your One week! It's important to track these early milestones. They are genuine accomplishments and should be a source of pride. I've enjoyed catching up on your intro too, these log entries/ brain dumps can be very cathartic and will really help you organize your thoughts. It also helps other quitters get to know you, so keep it up!
I think the point about the juice/ sugar is that right now, weight gain and diet are not the priority. If indulging in sweets makes quitting easier, then go for it because that is something that can always be worked off later.
I'll also echo the advice about not going overboard with alcohol. Early on, drinking can be a killer. "I was drunk" is a common excuse, but that doesn't mean it's excusable.
Thanks, pky. i enjoyed reading your intro thread during my first day or two. I think these threads help other people more than we think, so they're worth keeping up with.
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Captain's log - day 9:
The last two days have been more "manageable" than those from week one. The fog is still around, but it is brief and infrequent. I've had a few brief bouts of anxiousness and general uneasiness; sometimes these come on with the fog.
Most surprising to me is that I haven't really craved dip in the last three days. I hate nicotine now. I've stood in the tobacco isle at Walmart a few times to get some Smokey Mtn. Standing in that line is not a trigger for me; it's not a temptation. Actually, I find myself feeling sorry for all those in front of me who are dumping money to the cashier to pay their slave-masters. It's just sad, and yet that was me a mere 1.5 weeks ago.
But even though I haven't craved, I frequently find myself reaching for my can in familiar places, checking my pocket, making sure I have enough water for a drive (I always needed water on hand when dipping). I catch myself in those moments and I laugh it off. Addiction becomes so entrenched in our lives that it is almost involuntary at times.
FYI: some withdrawal symptoms I've not experienced at all (that others have reported): insomnia, hot flashes, headaches, constipation, rage, fatigue, sore throat/mouth/gums, dry mouth.
Today, I'm glad I'm quit and that I'm also not addicted to college football!
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Hey LMM - appreciate you journaling this quit with as much fervor as you've shared. Keep in mind, your quit is unique - almost like a fingerprint. There will be patterns and experiences that are similar to others who have graced these pages ...and there will be differences. Some of those differences are subtle and others are quite distinct. My point is, rather than be critical of things you read on this site that are different than your journey, accept them as different. One thing we often say around here is, "take what you need and leave the rest."
Keep it up and keep doing what you're doing. The 110% effort and no holds barred approach you're taking is awesome to watch
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Hey LMM - appreciate you journaling this quit with as much fervor as you've shared. Keep in mind, your quit is unique - almost like a fingerprint. There will be patterns and experiences that are similar to others who have graced these pages ...and there will be differences. Some of those differences are subtle and others are quite distinct. My point is, rather than be critical of things you read on this site that are different than your journey, accept them as different. One thing we often say around here is, "take what you need and leave the rest."
Keep it up and keep doing what you're doing. The 110% effort and no holds barred approach you're taking is awesome to watch
Hey LMM I love that you are doing this too-- this is a great record for you to look back at- i still look at mine- to see how far you've come and what you never want to have to relive again! Plus, it really does help others to see what you've gone through. I don't know how many times I felt relieved to read that someone else had gone through something that i was facing in my quit. Steakbomb is right, it's your own unique quit ---but there are commonalities with others in each individual piece. Having it all up front here in the intros makes a great record- keep it up, i'm very proud to quit with you man!! you're making it your own-- a.k.a. "Owning" your quit!
'oh yeah'
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Hey LMM - appreciate you journaling this quit with as much fervor as you've shared. Keep in mind, your quit is unique - almost like a fingerprint. There will be patterns and experiences that are similar to others who have graced these pages ...and there will be differences. Some of those differences are subtle and others are quite distinct. My point is, rather than be critical of things you read on this site that are different than your journey, accept them as different. One thing we often say around here is, "take what you need and leave the rest."
Keep it up and keep doing what you're doing. The 110% effort and no holds barred approach you're taking is awesome to watch
Hey LMM I love that you are doing this too-- this is a great record for you to look back at- i still look at mine- to see how far you've come and what you never want to have to relive again! Plus, it really does help others to see what you've gone through. I don't know how many times I felt relieved to read that someone else had gone through something that i was facing in my quit. Steakbomb is right, it's your own unique quit ---but there are commonalities with others in each individual piece. Having it all up front here in the intros makes a great record- keep it up, i'm very proud to quit with you man!! you're making it your own-- a.k.a. "Owning" your quit!
'oh yeah'
Thanks, y'all. I know that everyone's quit is different and that we all have different symptoms at different points into our quit. I'm only being critical in the sense that I think the physical vs. mental symptoms is a misnomer, but in a detrimental sort of way. I don't want people going into their quit after three days thinking they won't get any physical symptoms that we all know they will get. That would just be scary. Here in my intro, I'm intentionally trying to be very introspective about what is going on in my body/mind. I guess it's my way of embracing the suck to ensure I won't forget it. I want these experiences to be burned deep.
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Captain's Log - day 14:
Tonight, when my head hits my glorious down pillow, will be two weeks of freedom. Generally, moderate-to-calm seas for the last few days with periodic gail-force winds and high seas. I've been Irritable, but I've managed not to direct that irritability at my First Mate (and Quarter Master) or the two little swabs. In other words, the last few days have been really spotty, but with a general upward trend in well-being. Day 12 I had some serious fog from about 8 AM - 3 PM. I mean solid, i-feel-terrible-why-wont-this-go-away-i-cant-do-shit-what-is-happening-to-me kind of fog. Unfortunately, I was lecturing undergraduates for four hours of that. Who knows what it was like from their side! I had some fog today on day 14, but it was less intense and in the evening. Yesterday, no fog. WTF?
I try to think hard about the fog, usually when I'm feeling lucid and strong. At those times, you can think "I feel great; that fog sucked but good thing I'm over it and it won't happen to me anymore (because I feel grrrrrreat)." And then, 'WHAM' 'THWACK' 'BAM', the fog washes over you like a wave. I've heard others on KTC describe the fog variously: inability to concentrate, cannot focus, time passes and you don't know how you ended up where you are, general mental unclarity and vagueness. I'm sympathetic to all of those descriptions. For me, I'm keenly aware of being under the fog, so the inability to concentrate/focus really means: all I can think about is the fog. When I'm in the fog, it consumes my thoughts (consciousness). I focus on it. I therefore cannot focus on anything else. I guess it's similar to any other kind of surprising and sudden physiological 'distress', like a rapid heart rate when resting, trouble breathing, intense pain, etc. When those things happen, your thoughts stay fixed on them. You can't focus or concentrate on other things. For me, the fog is like that.
I am Jack's brain, and I hate the fog.
In sum, the last two weeks have been life-changing and surreal in a way. I look forward to the next few weeks, and I'll start just with tomorrow.
This might just be me, and it might be totally random since I have only about 14 days in my sample, but my fog has been noticeably worse during days that were preceded by poor sleep. There are a few days a week that, by the nature of my work schedule, I don't sleep much. The following days are generally foggy. Has anyone else been able to correlate fogginess with sleeplessness or less sleep?
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Captain's Log - day 14:
Tonight, when my head hits my glorious down pillow, will be two weeks of freedom. Generally, moderate-to-calm seas for the last few days with periodic gail-force winds and high seas. I've been Irritable, but I've managed not to direct that irritability at my First Mate (and Quarter Master) or the two little swabs. In other words, the last few days have been really spotty, but with a general upward trend in well-being. Day 12 I had some serious fog from about 8 AM - 3 PM. I mean solid, i-feel-terrible-why-wont-this-go-away-i-cant-do-shit-what-is-happening-to-me kind of fog. Unfortunately, I was lecturing undergraduates for four hours of that. Who knows what it was like from their side! I had some fog today on day 14, but it was less intense and in the evening. Yesterday, no fog. WTF?
I try to think hard about the fog, usually when I'm feeling lucid and strong. At those times, you can think "I feel great; that fog sucked but good thing I'm over it and it won't happen to me anymore (because I feel grrrrrreat)." And then, 'WHAM' 'THWACK' 'BAM', the fog washes over you like a wave. I've heard others on KTC describe the fog variously: inability to concentrate, cannot focus, time passes and you don't know how you ended up where you are, general mental unclarity and vagueness. I'm sympathetic to all of those descriptions. For me, I'm keenly aware of being under the fog, so the inability to concentrate/focus really means: all I can think about is the fog. When I'm in the fog, it consumes my thoughts (consciousness). I focus on it. I therefore cannot focus on anything else. I guess it's similar to any other kind of surprising and sudden physiological 'distress', like a rapid heart rate when resting, trouble breathing, intense pain, etc. When those things happen, your thoughts stay fixed on them. You can't focus or concentrate on other things. For me, the fog is like that.
I am Jack's brain, and I hate the fog.
In sum, the last two weeks have been life-changing and surreal in a way. I look forward to the next few weeks, and I'll start just with tomorrow.
This might just be me, and it might be totally random since I have only about 14 days in my sample, but my fog has been noticeably worse during days that were preceded by poor sleep. There are a few days a week that, by the nature of my work schedule, I don't sleep much. The following days are generally foggy. Has anyone else been able to correlate fogginess with sleeplessness or less sleep?
Yeah, I definitely found that fog and sleeplessness were related. Unfortunately getting off of nicotine can really mess with your sleep patterns. I wasn't sleeping much and the sleep I got, wasn't very good. But it certainly makes sense that not being rested would contribute. Of course, even if you were sleeping great, you'd still be going through it, it's just part of the process.
It will come and go. It will eventually go away for a long time. However, it is common for it to come back at around day 40-60, so be prepared and take that as it comes.
Just keep doing what you're doing man!
I had the fog for a long time- hang in there, its the marathon aspect of this that gets you through. One step, one day, one minute, one breath if that's what it takes, at a time. When it lifts, use those moments of fresh air and clarity to motivate you -- great to soak it in, enjoy it. That's a taste of what is to come. The light at the end of the tunnel.
During this time, you are learning your tools for challenges, and building the support you need to be through with this beast of an addiction. Going great, quit hard tomorrow!
Thanks. I hope I don't have the fog for a long time. That would suck. It's really interesting how every quit is different. I haven't really craved after week 1, and during week one I was rarely foggy. The fog is now sticking around for longer periods - hours at a time, whereas early on it would be brief and intermittent.
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Captain's Log - day 14:
Tonight, when my head hits my glorious down pillow, will be two weeks of freedom. Generally, moderate-to-calm seas for the last few days with periodic gail-force winds and high seas. I've been Irritable, but I've managed not to direct that irritability at my First Mate (and Quarter Master) or the two little swabs. In other words, the last few days have been really spotty, but with a general upward trend in well-being. Day 12 I had some serious fog from about 8 AM - 3 PM. I mean solid, i-feel-terrible-why-wont-this-go-away-i-cant-do-shit-what-is-happening-to-me kind of fog. Unfortunately, I was lecturing undergraduates for four hours of that. Who knows what it was like from their side! I had some fog today on day 14, but it was less intense and in the evening. Yesterday, no fog. WTF?
I try to think hard about the fog, usually when I'm feeling lucid and strong. At those times, you can think "I feel great; that fog sucked but good thing I'm over it and it won't happen to me anymore (because I feel grrrrrreat)." And then, 'WHAM' 'THWACK' 'BAM', the fog washes over you like a wave. I've heard others on KTC describe the fog variously: inability to concentrate, cannot focus, time passes and you don't know how you ended up where you are, general mental unclarity and vagueness. I'm sympathetic to all of those descriptions. For me, I'm keenly aware of being under the fog, so the inability to concentrate/focus really means: all I can think about is the fog. When I'm in the fog, it consumes my thoughts (consciousness). I focus on it. I therefore cannot focus on anything else. I guess it's similar to any other kind of surprising and sudden physiological 'distress', like a rapid heart rate when resting, trouble breathing, intense pain, etc. When those things happen, your thoughts stay fixed on them. You can't focus or concentrate on other things. For me, the fog is like that.
I am Jack's brain, and I hate the fog.
In sum, the last two weeks have been life-changing and surreal in a way. I look forward to the next few weeks, and I'll start just with tomorrow.
This might just be me, and it might be totally random since I have only about 14 days in my sample, but my fog has been noticeably worse during days that were preceded by poor sleep. There are a few days a week that, by the nature of my work schedule, I don't sleep much. The following days are generally foggy. Has anyone else been able to correlate fogginess with sleeplessness or less sleep?
Yeah, I definitely found that fog and sleeplessness were related. Unfortunately getting off of nicotine can really mess with your sleep patterns. I wasn't sleeping much and the sleep I got, wasn't very good. But it certainly makes sense that not being rested would contribute. Of course, even if you were sleeping great, you'd still be going through it, it's just part of the process.
It will come and go. It will eventually go away for a long time. However, it is common for it to come back at around day 40-60, so be prepared and take that as it comes.
Just keep doing what you're doing man!
I had the fog for a long time- hang in there, its the marathon aspect of this that gets you through. One step, one day, one minute, one breath if that's what it takes, at a time. When it lifts, use those moments of fresh air and clarity to motivate you -- great to soak it in, enjoy it. That's a taste of what is to come. The light at the end of the tunnel.
During this time, you are learning your tools for challenges, and building the support you need to be through with this beast of an addiction. Going great, quit hard tomorrow!
Thanks. I hope I don't have the fog for a long time. That would suck. It's really interesting how every quit is different. I haven't really craved after week 1, and during week one I was rarely foggy. The fog is now sticking around for longer periods - hours at a time, whereas early on it would be brief and intermittent.
I think it lasted 3 or 4 weeks for me but I'd need to check my intro thread. lol ;)
Hang in there LMM! The fog will lift and after that you should never forget these days!
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Captain's Log - day 14:
Tonight, when my head hits my glorious down pillow, will be two weeks of freedom. Generally, moderate-to-calm seas for the last few days with periodic gail-force winds and high seas. I've been Irritable, but I've managed not to direct that irritability at my First Mate (and Quarter Master) or the two little swabs. In other words, the last few days have been really spotty, but with a general upward trend in well-being. Day 12 I had some serious fog from about 8 AM - 3 PM. I mean solid, i-feel-terrible-why-wont-this-go-away-i-cant-do-shit-what-is-happening-to-me kind of fog. Unfortunately, I was lecturing undergraduates for four hours of that. Who knows what it was like from their side! I had some fog today on day 14, but it was less intense and in the evening. Yesterday, no fog. WTF?
I try to think hard about the fog, usually when I'm feeling lucid and strong. At those times, you can think "I feel great; that fog sucked but good thing I'm over it and it won't happen to me anymore (because I feel grrrrrreat)." And then, 'WHAM' 'THWACK' 'BAM', the fog washes over you like a wave. I've heard others on KTC describe the fog variously: inability to concentrate, cannot focus, time passes and you don't know how you ended up where you are, general mental unclarity and vagueness. I'm sympathetic to all of those descriptions. For me, I'm keenly aware of being under the fog, so the inability to concentrate/focus really means: all I can think about is the fog. When I'm in the fog, it consumes my thoughts (consciousness). I focus on it. I therefore cannot focus on anything else. I guess it's similar to any other kind of surprising and sudden physiological 'distress', like a rapid heart rate when resting, trouble breathing, intense pain, etc. When those things happen, your thoughts stay fixed on them. You can't focus or concentrate on other things. For me, the fog is like that.
I am Jack's brain, and I hate the fog.
In sum, the last two weeks have been life-changing and surreal in a way. I look forward to the next few weeks, and I'll start just with tomorrow.
This might just be me, and it might be totally random since I have only about 14 days in my sample, but my fog has been noticeably worse during days that were preceded by poor sleep. There are a few days a week that, by the nature of my work schedule, I don't sleep much. The following days are generally foggy. Has anyone else been able to correlate fogginess with sleeplessness or less sleep?
Yeah, I definitely found that fog and sleeplessness were related. Unfortunately getting off of nicotine can really mess with your sleep patterns. I wasn't sleeping much and the sleep I got, wasn't very good. But it certainly makes sense that not being rested would contribute. Of course, even if you were sleeping great, you'd still be going through it, it's just part of the process.
It will come and go. It will eventually go away for a long time. However, it is common for it to come back at around day 40-60, so be prepared and take that as it comes.
Just keep doing what you're doing man!
I had the fog for a long time- hang in there, its the marathon aspect of this that gets you through. One step, one day, one minute, one breath if that's what it takes, at a time. When it lifts, use those moments of fresh air and clarity to motivate you -- great to soak it in, enjoy it. That's a taste of what is to come. The light at the end of the tunnel.
During this time, you are learning your tools for challenges, and building the support you need to be through with this beast of an addiction. Going great, quit hard tomorrow!
Thanks. I hope I don't have the fog for a long time. That would suck. It's really interesting how every quit is different. I haven't really craved after week 1, and during week one I was rarely foggy. The fog is now sticking around for longer periods - hours at a time, whereas early on it would be brief and intermittent.
I think it lasted 3 or 4 weeks for me but I'd need to check my intro thread. lol ;)
Hang in there LMM! The fog will lift and after that you should never forget these days!
I like what you said earlier about being introspective and embracing this so that you won't forget it. So, embrace this too - fog and everything. I promise this will lift, and when it does and you look back at the addict through the eyes of the quitter - you'll never want to go back. Talk about perspective.
These 14 days are about as badass a quit I have seen on these pages. Keep it up brother!
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When Steak speaks... I agree.
You are truly on a journey.
It will change ever aspect of your life.
Kinda cool... We start over where we started ________!
We were all side tracked with a lie.
But now run the race, like never before!
You can do this..one log... at a time.
I Quit with you today.
Rawls 684
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Captain's log, day 16:
Here is something odd - we have all managed to become addicted to a substance that is destructive in so many ways. In general, harmful substances are made known to us: poisonous berries taste too bitter, expired meat smells/tastes...rotten. We have innate biological mechanisms for filtering 'good' from 'bad'. But even though that first taste of Nic was probably unpleasant, something draws us back in. Humans are stupid.
I've got a very well-trained bird dog (a Chesapeake Bay Retriever). Over the years, I've let him smell a can of dip or a lighted cigar, and he always smells intently, then sneezes, then walks away with no interest. My dog has always known to stay away from tobacco leaves, but I (we) somehow stupidly return day after day. Dog's may be lower down on the evolutionary food chain, but they seem to have fewer self-destructive habits than humans. I am Jack's dog, and I am smarter than Jack.
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Captain's log, day 16:
Here is something odd - we have all managed to become addicted to a substance that is destructive in so many ways. In general, harmful substances are made known to us: poisonous berries taste too bitter, expired meat smells/tastes...rotten. We have innate biological mechanisms for filtering 'good' from 'bad'. But even though that first taste of Nic was probably unpleasant, something draws us back in. Humans are stupid.
I've got a very well-trained bird dog (a Chesapeake Bay Retriever). Over the years, I've let him smell a can of dip or a lighted cigar, and he always smells intently, then sneezes, then walks away with no interest. My dog has always known to stay away from tobacco leaves, but I (we) somehow stupidly return day after day. Dog's may be lower down on the evolutionary food chain, but they seem to have fewer self-destructive habits than humans. I am Jack's dog, and I am smarter than Jack.
Good job, nice to see the reflections. I agree that it is strange-- but it also still makes me mad that the tobacco companies have been proven to have engineered the stuff to be more addictive, to play on our unconscious brain chemistry to make us want it more, yet that was never stopped or penalized, nor even made widely known. Keep up this making your quit your own, keep building it to get you through the challenges for good this time!
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Captain's log - day 20:
Happy to have gotten to 20 days/three weeks tomorrow. There have been some *long* moments in the last 20 days where time felt like it was standing still. But, in hindsight, the last 20 days have really flown by. I can't believe I'm at 20 already. Some mornings when I go to post roll, my # of days quit seems too high so I have to go back and double check! Ha!
Nothing special to report the last few days. I simply haven't craved lately. I think about dip a lot, but I believe I've cultivated a serious hatred for nicotine and the addiction over the last three weeks. Maybe that keeps craves at bay. I don't know.
However, the fog is back with a vengeance the last two days. It's horrible, especially when you're teaching in front of 80 college students. Do they sense that something is off? I don't know.
Freedom feels good even when it's foggy out there.
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Captain's log - day 20:
Happy to have gotten to 20 days/three weeks tomorrow. There have been some *long* moments in the last 20 days where time felt like it was standing still. But, in hindsight, the last 20 days have really flown by. I can't believe I'm at 20 already. Some mornings when I go to post roll, my # of days quit seems too high so I have to go back and double check! Ha!
Nothing special to report the last few days. I simply haven't craved lately. I think about dip a lot, but I believe I've cultivated a serious hatred for nicotine and the addiction over the last three weeks. Maybe that keeps craves at bay. I don't know.
However, the fog is back with a vengeance the last two days. It's horrible, especially when you're teaching in front of 80 college students. Do they sense that something is off? I don't know.
Freedom feels good even when it's foggy out there.
Fog beats the hell out of dipping. Maybe you should share your quit story with your class. Im sure there's some in your class that dip and you might be the one that saves that one guy or gals life. I hated the fog most of all but I lived with it. Just remember it's truly your body healing. Im 52 and am playing softball again after 15 years and that's only possible because I feel so much better since I quit and my blood pressure has dropped drastically. So whatever is thrown at you take it in strive because quitting is the way to put years back on your life! Quit on my friend
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Captain's log - day 20:
Happy to have gotten to 20 days/three weeks tomorrow. There have been some *long* moments in the last 20 days where time felt like it was standing still. But, in hindsight, the last 20 days have really flown by. I can't believe I'm at 20 already. Some mornings when I go to post roll, my # of days quit seems too high so I have to go back and double check! Ha!
Nothing special to report the last few days. I simply haven't craved lately. I think about dip a lot, but I believe I've cultivated a serious hatred for nicotine and the addiction over the last three weeks. Maybe that keeps craves at bay. I don't know.
However, the fog is back with a vengeance the last two days. It's horrible, especially when you're teaching in front of 80 college students. Do they sense that something is off? I don't know.
Freedom feels good even when it's foggy out there.
Fog beats the hell out of dipping. Maybe you should share your quit story with your class. Im sure there's some in your class that dip and you might be the one that saves that one guy or gals life. I hated the fog most of all but I lived with it. Just remember it's truly your body healing. Im 52 and am playing softball again after 15 years and that's only possible because I feel so much better since I quit and my blood pressure has dropped drastically. So whatever is thrown at you take it in strive because quitting is the way to put years back on your life! Quit on my friend
Freedom feels good even when it's foggy out there.
Badass LMM. Freedom is the best feeling in the F'ing world - and it just gets better and better. When that fog lifts again, - it's on! For me, that freedom still gives me a high and it continues to pay dividends. Case in point, this week I just met a guy in my group in person I've been quitting with for all my days. I have made real, bonafide, legit friends here. Just another benefit of winning our freedom.
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Day 22- hanging in there? relief from the fog yet? when you get some relief, soak it in, use it to fuel you through any tough times ahead!
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Day 22- hanging in there? relief from the fog yet? when you get some relief, soak it in, use it to fuel you through any tough times ahead!
Well, *some* relief here on day 25. I've had patches of fog each of the last few days, but nothing over an hour or so. Much better than last week, that's for sure.
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Day 22- hanging in there? relief from the fog yet? when you get some relief, soak it in, use it to fuel you through any tough times ahead!
Well, *some* relief here on day 25. I've had patches of fog each of the last few days, but nothing over an hour or so. Much better than last week, that's for sure.
that's big to make it through that phase. Now enjoy those good times, soak them in! But keep yourself ready for any trick that might come your way. And for whatever life might throw at you. Keep building your network, and expanding your understanding of how this thing works, how to make it last for good this time.
Keep at it! glad to be quitting alongside you here.
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Captain's Log - day 28,
I haven't written a log in a week or so, mostly because things have calmed down a lot. I still have fog a few times each day, but it's never long-lasting. Some symptoms I haven't dealt with at all in the last week: tightness in the chest, anxiety, heart palpitations, sweats, dizziness, craves, legs feeling like jello. I hope those are all in the rear view mirror for good. I doubt it though.
Speaking of rear view mirrors, I've spent a lot of time this week thinking about my addiction (since my actual withdrawal hasn't occupied my mind as much). Obviously we all regret dipping for many reasons, otherwise we wouldn't be here. One reason that keeps popping up in my mind is lost time. How many nights have I not gone to bed with my wife and instead stayed up a while to get that extra dip? How many times have I slipped away after a meal for a chew, when I could have been playing on the floor with my toddlers or doing the dishes? How many times did I make up errands to run so I could get out and have a dip or restock when provisions were low? Those things (and so many more more) add up to a shit-ton of hours: that I'll never get back, that my wife and kids won't get back, etc.
The deep sense of regret makes the quit stronger. It makes me hate nicotine that much more. That bitch has taken so much from so many.
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Captain's Log - day 28,
I haven't written a log in a week or so, mostly because things have calmed down a lot. I still have fog a few times each day, but it's never long-lasting. Some symptoms I haven't dealt with at all in the last week: tightness in the chest, anxiety, heart palpitations, sweats, dizziness, craves, legs feeling like jello. I hope those are all in the rear view mirror for good. I doubt it though.
Speaking of rear view mirrors, I've spent a lot of time this week thinking about my addiction (since my actual withdrawal hasn't occupied my mind as much). Obviously we all regret dipping for many reasons, otherwise we wouldn't be here. One reason that keeps popping up in my mind is lost time. How many nights have I not gone to bed with my wife and instead stayed up a while to get that extra dip? How many times have I slipped away after a meal for a chew, when I could have been playing on the floor with my toddlers or doing the dishes? How many times did I make up errands to run so I could get out and have a dip or restock when provisions were low? Those things (and so many more more) add up to a shit-ton of hours: that I'll never get back, that my wife and kids won't get back, etc.
The deep sense of regret makes the quit stronger. It makes me hate nicotine that much more. That bitch has taken so much from so many.
One thing to remember my friend, cherish every minute and use them all because like you say, you lost enough already so ake full advantage of what you have left. You also can read back and see how all these guy's told you that all the heart palpitations and etc would ease off or quit. Don't get complacent and don't ever forget you're an addict and know matter how well you feel, it takes less than a minute for that security blanket of your name on roll! Damn proud of you, quit on!
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Captain's Log - day 28,
I haven't written a log in a week or so, mostly because things have calmed down a lot. I still have fog a few times each day, but it's never long-lasting. Some symptoms I haven't dealt with at all in the last week: tightness in the chest, anxiety, heart palpitations, sweats, dizziness, craves, legs feeling like jello. I hope those are all in the rear view mirror for good. I doubt it though.
Speaking of rear view mirrors, I've spent a lot of time this week thinking about my addiction (since my actual withdrawal hasn't occupied my mind as much). Obviously we all regret dipping for many reasons, otherwise we wouldn't be here. One reason that keeps popping up in my mind is lost time. How many nights have I not gone to bed with my wife and instead stayed up a while to get that extra dip? How many times have I slipped away after a meal for a chew, when I could have been playing on the floor with my toddlers or doing the dishes? How many times did I make up errands to run so I could get out and have a dip or restock when provisions were low? Those things (and so many more more) add up to a shit-ton of hours: that I'll never get back, that my wife and kids won't get back, etc.
The deep sense of regret makes the quit stronger. It makes me hate nicotine that much more. That bitch has taken so much from so many.
One thing to remember my friend, cherish every minute and use them all because like you say, you lost enough already so ake full advantage of what you have left. You also can read back and see how all these guy's told you that all the heart palpitations and etc would ease off or quit. Don't get complacent and don't ever forget you're an addict and know matter how well you feel, it takes less than a minute for that security blanket of your name on roll! Damn proud of you, quit on!
Indeed, I wish I could get back all of those hours too! I know that as an addict one more "taste" will cause me to lose even more hours. The minute it takes to post roll every day and keep my promise is essential. Keep the faith because it is so worth it! You will never regret quitting nicotine, ever! B)B
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Captain's Log - day 28,
I haven't written a log in a week or so, mostly because things have calmed down a lot. I still have fog a few times each day, but it's never long-lasting. Some symptoms I haven't dealt with at all in the last week: tightness in the chest, anxiety, heart palpitations, sweats, dizziness, craves, legs feeling like jello. I hope those are all in the rear view mirror for good. I doubt it though.
Speaking of rear view mirrors, I've spent a lot of time this week thinking about my addiction (since my actual withdrawal hasn't occupied my mind as much). Obviously we all regret dipping for many reasons, otherwise we wouldn't be here. One reason that keeps popping up in my mind is lost time. How many nights have I not gone to bed with my wife and instead stayed up a while to get that extra dip? How many times have I slipped away after a meal for a chew, when I could have been playing on the floor with my toddlers or doing the dishes? How many times did I make up errands to run so I could get out and have a dip or restock when provisions were low? Those things (and so many more more) add up to a shit-ton of hours: that I'll never get back, that my wife and kids won't get back, etc.
The deep sense of regret makes the quit stronger. It makes me hate nicotine that much more. That bitch has taken so much from so many.
One thing to remember my friend, cherish every minute and use them all because like you say, you lost enough already so ake full advantage of what you have left. You also can read back and see how all these guy's told you that all the heart palpitations and etc would ease off or quit. Don't get complacent and don't ever forget you're an addict and know matter how well you feel, it takes less than a minute for that security blanket of your name on roll! Damn proud of you, quit on!
Indeed, I wish I could get back all of those hours too! I know that as an addict one more "taste" will cause me to lose even more hours. The minute it takes to post roll every day and keep my promise is essential. Keep the faith because it is so worth it! You will never regret quitting nicotine, ever! B)B
Agree with you too LMM. SO MUCH was done in service of that addiction. I still, on occasion, have to intentionally let me myself know that i am in integrity now, not a sneaky liar, because i dont sneak around with my dirty little secret friend. Spend 30+ years sneaking. Wow.! But man is it nice to be free! Glad you're on this path with us all!
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Captain's log - day 33:
Yesterday was my 12 year wedding anniversary. My wife doesn't know it, but for most of those years I had a relationship on the side. I'd sneak out at night to see her. I'd slip away during the day for a quickie. She was seductive, she always wanted more, she was needy, always nagging, and came in a little round can that said CANCER Grizzly. She took a lot of my money. That bitch.
Monogamy feels great.
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Captain's log - day 33:
Yesterday was my 12 year wedding anniversary. My wife doesn't know it, but for most of those years I had a relationship on the side. I'd sneak out at night to see her. I'd slip away during the day for a quickie. She was seductive, she always wanted more, she was needy, always nagging, and came in a little round can that said CANCER Grizzly. She took a lot of my money. That bitch.
Monogamy feels great.
At least you had the class to slip away. I'd bang that can right in front of my wife and kids, no apologies. Those days are over, glad to quit with you today.
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Captain's log - day 33:
Yesterday was my 12 year wedding anniversary. My wife doesn't know it, but for most of those years I had a relationship on the side. I'd sneak out at night to see her. I'd slip away during the day for a quickie. She was seductive, she always wanted more, she was needy, always nagging, and came in a little round can that said CANCER Grizzly. She took a lot of my money. That bitch.
Monogamy feels great.
At least you had the class to slip away. I'd bang that can right in front of my wife and kids, no apologies. Those days are over, glad to quit with you today.
It feels amazing to actually have integrity-- no more dirty little secret. It took me a while to stop feeling guilty, subtly and down deep, that i was living a lie with my little secret love, chew. Sheesh! so glad to be free of that!
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Captain's log - day 39:
Damn it feels good to be a quitter! I have felt fantastic and fog-free for around 5 days. Dipping and my withdrawal have left the front of my mind and no longer consume my thoughts. I feel like I can *move on* with my post-dipping life, if that makes sense. I might be hitting that "cruise control" phase. My quit has generally trended toward better from day 3 or 4, but I think the fog affected me more than it does most people, in both intensity and duration; For a solid month I was in the fog daily, sometimes for most of the day. It sucked, but it is also motivating. There is no way I'm going to put myself through that shit again. Luckily, I haven't had to deal with cravings much after week one. I say 'luckily' because I take cravings to be more likely to lead to caves than, say, the fog. I'm glad I was not affected much by that withdrawal symptom.
I've read plenty on here about cruise-control and about not getting complacent and letting your guard down, about the quit losing its intrigue after a while, etc. I'm pretty confident that I'm not in danger of that mindset. I'm staying vigilant (and spending time daily on KTC helps me do that); I'm ready for those days when the fog or craves might be back to bite my ass.
In sum: quitting has begun to feel really good. I pity the fools who still stuff their face with that shiznit. 'mrt'
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Captain's log - day 39:
Damn it feels good to be a quitter! I have felt fantastic and fog-free for around 5 days. Dipping and my withdrawal have left the front of my mind and no longer consume my thoughts. I feel like I can *move on* with my post-dipping life, if that makes sense. I might be hitting that "cruise control" phase. My quit has generally trended toward better from day 3 or 4, but I think the fog affected me more than it does most people, in both intensity and duration; For a solid month I was in the fog daily, sometimes for most of the day. It sucked, but it is also motivating. There is no way I'm going to put myself through that shit again. Luckily, I haven't had to deal with cravings much after week one. I say 'luckily' because I take cravings to be more likely to lead to caves than, say, the fog. I'm glad I was not affected much by that withdrawal symptom.
I've read plenty on here about cruise-control and about not getting complacent and letting your guard down, about the quit losing its intrigue after a while, etc. I'm pretty confident that I'm not in danger of that mindset. I'm staying vigilant (and spending time daily on KTC helps me do that); I'm ready for those days when the fog or craves might back to bite my ass.
In sum: quitting has begun to feel really good. I pity the fools who still stuff their face with that shiznit. 'mrt'
That a boy! It only gets better! Be ready you still have plenty of rough day's ahead. Enjoy your freedom and remember the price you paid to get this far and you don't want to ever go through it again. Damn proud of you and proud to be quit with you!
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Captain's log - day 39:
Damn it feels good to be a quitter! I have felt fantastic and fog-free for around 5 days. Dipping and my withdrawal have left the front of my mind and no longer consume my thoughts. I feel like I can *move on* with my post-dipping life, if that makes sense. I might be hitting that "cruise control" phase. My quit has generally trended toward better from day 3 or 4, but I think the fog affected me more than it does most people, in both intensity and duration; For a solid month I was in the fog daily, sometimes for most of the day. It sucked, but it is also motivating. There is no way I'm going to put myself through that shit again. Luckily, I haven't had to deal with cravings much after week one. I say 'luckily' because I take cravings to be more likely to lead to caves than, say, the fog. I'm glad I was not affected much by that withdrawal symptom.
I've read plenty on here about cruise-control and about not getting complacent and letting your guard down, about the quit losing its intrigue after a while, etc. I'm pretty confident that I'm not in danger of that mindset. I'm staying vigilant (and spending time daily on KTC helps me do that); I'm ready for those days when the fog or craves might back to bite my ass.
In sum: quitting has begun to feel really good. I pity the fools who still stuff their face with that shiznit. 'mrt'
That a boy! It only gets better! Be ready you still have plenty of rough day's ahead. Enjoy your freedom and remember the price you paid to get this far and you don't want to ever go through it again. Damn proud of you and proud to be quit with you!
Love this intro LMM! You get it. Keep going man.
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Captain's log - Day 50:
It's been a while since I've been back to this thread, mostly because I've been feeling fantastic and don't have much to say. That's a good thing.
I'm halfway to the HOF. No more cravings, no more physiological issues, haven't been foggy for weeks, and then *BAM* out of nowhere the fog hits hard this afternoon for hours. 50 is worth celebrating methinks, but that nic bitch just reminded me that I've got a long way to go. ODAAT!
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Captain's log - Day 50:
It's been a while since I've been back to this thread, mostly because I've been feeling fantastic and don't have much to say. That's a good thing.
I'm halfway to the HOF. No more cravings, no more physiological issues, haven't been foggy for weeks, and then *BAM* out of nowhere the fog hits hard this afternoon for hours. 50 is worth celebrating methinks, but that nic bitch just reminded me that I've got a long way to go. ODAAT!
Unfortunately, she will sneak up continually for a while...and over time her visits will be more spaced apart. The good news, as those visits become less frequent, the quit grows stronger while she grows weaker. Keep nurturing that quit; keep fighting; keep quitting your nuts off.
Congrats on that 50 day mark...huge achievement.
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Captain's log - Day 50:
It's been a while since I've been back to this thread, mostly because I've been feeling fantastic and don't have much to say. That's a good thing.
I'm halfway to the HOF. No more cravings, no more physiological issues, haven't been foggy for weeks, and then *BAM* out of nowhere the fog hits hard this afternoon for hours. 50 is worth celebrating methinks, but that nic bitch just reminded me that I've got a long way to go. ODAAT!
Unfortunately, she will sneak up continually for a while...and over time her visits will be more spaced apart. The good news, as those visits become less frequent, the quit grows stronger while she grows weaker. Keep nurturing that quit; keep fighting; keep quitting your nuts off.
Congrats on that 50 day mark...huge achievement.
He is a true bad ass quitter this one, I would stand beside and call him my brother any day!
Great job on 50 LMN and you know where to find me if the bitch starts calling your name too loudly, proud of you man!
rampninjaface
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Great thread. Just occupied my mind through a pretty intense day 3 of the quit craving. Thanks!
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Great thread. Just occupied my mind through a pretty intense day 3 of the quit craving. Thanks!
Glad I could help! That was actually one of my motivations for making an intro thread. Early in my quit I was glued to intro threads and HOF speeches. Lots of helpful/inspiring/motivational stuff around here.
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Congrats on your 2 quarters. only to more for the HOF.
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Captain's Log: day 76,
It's been a while, but I'm in a funk. I've read about this thing called 'the funk.' It hits people at different stages in their quits, but often in days 70-90 according to KTC. You get complacent, less excited about your life-change, bored. I really haven't craved dip since week one, THANK GOD. Virtually all of my acute and post-acute symptoms have disappeared (I still have occasional fog and anxiety for brief periods at 30 minutes). But my quit has lost it's luster, it's novelty, it's excitement. Posting on KTC seems more like a chore than like something I'm excited to do. This is a new phenomenon for me. Prior to maybe 1.5 weeks ago, I had been obsessed with this site, what it offers, and drinking the kool-aid to the max. I've read every intro and HOF speech I could. But now, I don't really care. Does that mean I'm complacent? I don't think so. There is no way in hell I'd ever dip again.
I just want to move on, to quit thinking about my dipping addiction, and to not have to bring it up every day as a reminder. I have better things to do.
That's my funk explanation. Don't worry, though. I'll be here tomorrow, and the next, and the next. I'm just tired of it.
But I'll always be a NINJA rampninja rampninjaface rampninjaface rampninja
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Captain's Log: day 76,
It's been a while, but I'm in a funk. I've read about this thing called 'the funk.' It hits people at different stages in their quits, but often in days 70-90 according to KTC. You get complacent, less excited about your life-change, bored. I really haven't craved dip since week one, THANK GOD. Virtually all of my acute and post-acute symptoms have disappeared (I still have occasional fog and anxiety for brief periods at 30 minutes). But my quit has lost it's luster, it's novelty, it's excitement. Posting on KTC seems more like a chore than like something I'm excited to do. This is a new phenomenon for me. Prior to maybe 1.5 weeks ago, I had been obsessed with this site, what it offers, and drinking the kool-aid to the max. I've read every intro and HOF speech I could. But now, I don't really care. Does that mean I'm complacent? I don't think so. There is no way in hell I'd ever dip again.
I just want to move on, to quit thinking about my dipping addiction, and to not have to bring it up every day as a reminder. I have better things to do.
That's my funk explanation. Don't worry, though. I'll be here tomorrow, and the next, and the next. I'm just tired of it.
But I'll always be a NINJA rampninja rampninjaface rampninjaface rampninja
I read this post sometimes when I think about leaving KTC...
When to leave? Question and Answer; by: Chewie (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1004863/1/)
Funks will come and go, but the important thing is to protect our quits. There are lots of tools here to help out with a funk. Avoiding thoughts about dip is fine IMO - but I wouldn't ever want to forget about KTC and all of the people who are really struggling with nicotine addiction. Just being here to lend a hand when I can really helps me protect my quit.
My group starts our 1 year anniversary HOF month today. We had folks jet off after posting day 100 before the whole group even made it. Several others drifted away post HOF. I've read a lot of caver stories here from folks who left the site - God knows how many others left, caved, and didn't have the guts to post a day 1 here again. Posting roll and staying involved works! :)
I'm proud to quit with you today LMM! Keep at it and keep posting on this thread - it will help someone else someday and that is a nice legacy to have here.
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Captain's Log - day 100:
I just wanted to write that. Never thought I'd see the day. rampninja
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Captain's Log - day 100:
I just wanted to write that. Never thought I'd see the day. rampninja
Congratulations! I hope you stick around to take a victory lap or three. :)
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Captain's Log - day 100:
I just wanted to write that. Never thought I'd see the day. rampninja
LMM,
First, congrats on reaching the century milestone! You have earned every day of it.
Second, I'm on day 29 today and have been going through some extremely rough spots over the last few days. I just read through your thread and wanted to let you know that it has helped me tremendously. I hope to one day be at a point where I can be a similar encouragement to others.
Thank you.
- Tom
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Captain's Log - day 100:
I just wanted to write that. Never thought I'd see the day. rampninja
LMM,
First, congrats on reaching the century milestone! You have earned every day of it.
Second, I'm on day 29 today and have been going through some extremely rough spots over the last few days. I just read through your thread and wanted to let you know that it has helped me tremendously. I hope to one day be at a point where I can be a similar encouragement to others.
Thank you.
- Tom
LMM,
Sorry for the delayed congratulations...just getting caught up on the intro's following the holidays. Very happy to see you hit this first major milestone. Perhaps there is some benefit to posting this 3 days late...I bet now that 100 days is in your rear-view mirror, you can probably agree that day 103 is better than day 100. And to that I would say...yes it is. The great thing about being quit and being free is that the ROI will always pay off. Its an investment in yourself that never ceases to provide incremental benefit. Keep investing in yourself and paying it back.
Congratulations Landon, looking forward to day 104 and beyond.
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Captain's Log - day 100:
I just wanted to write that. Never thought I'd see the day. rampninja
LMM,
First, congrats on reaching the century milestone! You have earned every day of it.
Second, I'm on day 29 today and have been going through some extremely rough spots over the last few days. I just read through your thread and wanted to let you know that it has helped me tremendously. I hope to one day be at a point where I can be a similar encouragement to others.
Thank you.
- Tom
LMM,
Sorry for the delayed congratulations...just getting caught up on the intro's following the holidays. Very happy to see you hit this first major milestone. Perhaps there is some benefit to posting this 3 days late...I bet now that 100 days is in your rear-view mirror, you can probably agree that day 103 is better than day 100. And to that I would say...yes it is. The great thing about being quit and being free is that the ROI will always pay off. Its an investment in yourself that never ceases to provide incremental benefit. Keep investing in yourself and paying it back.
Congratulations Landon, looking forward to day 104 and beyond.
Gratz on the HoF, it's a milestone, yet only the beginning!
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Captain's Log - day 100:
I just wanted to write that. Never thought I'd see the day. rampninja
LMM,
First, congrats on reaching the century milestone! You have earned every day of it.
Second, I'm on day 29 today and have been going through some extremely rough spots over the last few days. I just read through your thread and wanted to let you know that it has helped me tremendously. I hope to one day be at a point where I can be a similar encouragement to others.
Thank you.
- Tom
Tom,
Man, I feel you! Trust me, if you just stick it out day by day, it will be so much better than you can imagine. A lot of my quit brothers from December had it rough early on (first few weeks) and then smooth-sailed to HOF with nothing to deal with but cravings. I was not like that; i had some real rough patches in the middle.
At any rate, some day soon you'll be feeling like Lou Ferrigno and those first 100 days will feel like they have flown by!
I'll be here to read your HOF speech.
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Captain's Log - day 100:
I just wanted to write that. Never thought I'd see the day. rampninja
LMM,
First, congrats on reaching the century milestone! You have earned every day of it.
Second, I'm on day 29 today and have been going through some extremely rough spots over the last few days. I just read through your thread and wanted to let you know that it has helped me tremendously. I hope to one day be at a point where I can be a similar encouragement to others.
Thank you.
- Tom
LMM,
Sorry for the delayed congratulations...just getting caught up on the intro's following the holidays. Very happy to see you hit this first major milestone. Perhaps there is some benefit to posting this 3 days late...I bet now that 100 days is in your rear-view mirror, you can probably agree that day 103 is better than day 100. And to that I would say...yes it is. The great thing about being quit and being free is that the ROI will always pay off. Its an investment in yourself that never ceases to provide incremental benefit. Keep investing in yourself and paying it back.
Congratulations Landon, looking forward to day 104 and beyond.
Gratz on the HoF, it's a milestone, yet only the beginning!
Thanks Steakbomb and Thumblewort. I appreciate the continued support from you both. Steak: yes, day 105 is better than day 100. Thumble: I like your old avatar better!
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Captain's Log - day 142:
At this point in the journey, the seas are calm, steady, and consistent. The turbulence, high seas, and varying conditions from earlier have given way to a consistent pattern of steadfast sun and smooth waters.
But a downside is forming. The wind in the sail of the quit stoke is dying down, and many of my fellow sailors are hopping overboard, going AWOL, or otherwise becoming complacent. We are officially in the post-HOF doldrums.
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Captain's Log - day 142:
At this point in the journey, the seas are calm, steady, and consistent. The turbulence, high seas, and varying conditions from earlier have given way to a consistent pattern of steadfast sun and smooth waters.
But a downside is forming. The wind in the sail of the quit stoke is dying down, and many of my fellow sailors are hopping overboard, going AWOL, or otherwise becoming complacent. We are officially in the post-HOF doldrums.
Give yourself and fellow mates a big swift kick in the ass and help them all realize it's a phase and it pass! Doing great steady as she goes
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Quitting is a selfish endeavor. Your quit is most important, and as long as you are rock solid, posting roll, then you and the other elite in your quit group will form up ranks and steer the ship from here
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First let me say that you are a BAQ! There are others like you in your group. There are others who have become complacent and are fading. This happens in every quit. Focus on those who are not fading as they are the ones who will help you stay quit. I know you are already posting in other groups continue to form bonds with other quitters here. In the end we are all part of one group KTC. This place is what you make it. Take what you need and leave the rest.
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Captain's Log - day 205:
First post since hitting 200.
When you take to the sea as a deck swab, time seems to slow down considerably at the beginning. The first few days seem never-ending; that first week felt like a month, etc., and the rough seas and fog exacerbate that feeling. The ocean just seems like it could never be crossed.
But once you've shaped yourself into a grizzled, salty sailor of quit, the days fly by, as you have gotten back to living life. As the hardships have eased, you gain the ability to appreciate the beauty of the journey.
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Glad to see that you've reached a calm in your quit. I can't wait until I reach mine.
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Captain's log, day 16:
I've got a very well-trained bird dog (a Chesapeake Bay Retriever). Over the years, I've let him smell a can of dip or a lighted cigar, and he always smells intently, then sneezes, then walks away with no interest. My dog has always known to stay away from tobacco leaves, but I (we) somehow stupidly return day after day. Dog's may be lower down on the evolutionary food chain, but they seem to have fewer self-destructive habits than humans. I am Jack's dog, and I am smarter than Jack.
Sorry to drag this one up, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
It's a matter of free will. Your dog cannot choose how he reacts to tobacco. We can. Free will. Given to us by God? Why?
Again, didn't really mean to mess up your intro, but it struck a chord. Proud to be quit with you.
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Captain's log, day 16:
I've got a very well-trained bird dog (a Chesapeake Bay Retriever). Over the years, I've let him smell a can of dip or a lighted cigar, and he always smells intently, then sneezes, then walks away with no interest. My dog has always known to stay away from tobacco leaves, but I (we) somehow stupidly return day after day. Dog's may be lower down on the evolutionary food chain, but they seem to have fewer self-destructive habits than humans. I am Jack's dog, and I am smarter than Jack.
Sorry to drag this one up, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
It's a matter of free will. Your dog cannot choose how he reacts to tobacco. We can. Free will. Given to us by God? Why?
Again, didn't really mean to mess up your intro, but it struck a chord. Proud to be quit with you.
Irish - serious question: why think that dogs don't have free will?
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Congrats on your year!
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Congrats on your year!
Nicely done!
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Congrats on your year!
Nicely done!
NICE! Congrats on that first year. Absolutely huge accomplishment. HUGE.