KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Bucks n Beaks on October 03, 2014, 05:36:00 PM
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35 yo full-blooded American Male. Deep in the heart of God's Country. Mississippi for clarity. 16 year dipper. Started dipping in college because I "thought" it was the "cool/fun" thing to do. Not gonna lie, I loved it from the start. Playing ball, hunting, fishing, golf, driving, drinking, working, I would/could dip while doing anything but eating and sleeping. Over these 16 years, I've made several "attempts" to quit. Made promises to my wife, target quit dates, etc. Stopped, started, hid it, lied about it, you name it, I did it. I came to realize that for those past "attempts", I just wasn't ready to quit. I knew I needed to quit, and I wanted to quit for my family, wife and baby girl. But quitting for someone else is not a reason to quit. I had to quit for ME. My wife is a registered nurse, so she has seen first-hand what this stuff can do to you. What it does to the families. When she recently told me of a Hospice patient of hers who was a dipper, and of his condition, the "light bulb" came on and I knew it was my time to do it (or stop doing it) and do it right this time.
I did the ole "I've just opened this can and it's my last can." song and dance for the wife on a Friday night. Of course she rolled her eyes at me. I never had a can last 2-1/2 days. But I did it this time. After the "Last Dip" (and I have to say it really wasn't all that great) on the morning of Sept. 22 (11 days ago), my "want" for quitting punched me right in the face. Cold Turkey too. No alternatives or gum or seeds or patch or anything. The first day or so suuuuucccckkkeeeddd. But then I realized that it only sucked because my brain got in the way. Once I distracted myself with work (like I should have been doing all along) the cravings left me. And to this day, have not had a craving of any significance.
I only found this site after I quit. Read some things, statistics, testimonies, saw some before/after pics (mostly after) that I had seen similar ones of in the past. But those pics didn't affect me back then like they did after I had quit. Got to feeling pretty guilty. Wondered why would I purposefully do something to myself that could have me end up like these poor unfortunate souls? Started sharing some of the new things learned and seen with my wife. Although my wife has definitely been my biggest supporter, for the first couple of days she had her reservations b/c I have let her down in the past by only "stopping" and "restarting". And I wouldn't talk about the quit with her those first 2 days. But after I actually started opening up to her about it, she told me that she was proud of me and believed in her heart that I was going to complete the quit this time because she had never heard me talk with such interest and passion about quitting. She could tell there was a change in me b/w this time and the others.
So, in a nutshell, this is my story of quitting so far. It is a daily grind. But I know with the support of my two lovely ladies (Allie-wife; Eliza-2 yr old baby girl), and the support I know I will have here when/if needed, and most of all the good Lord above, I will be successful. Thanks for taking the time to read my side of the story. And please, feel free to encourage at will.
Kyle M.
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You post roll with me daily, and you got my support BnB. 11 days solo is bad ass, now jump in and make some friends, and get some support.
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Kyle,
Great intro, if you were from Idaho we could be twins (33 years old, 16 year ex-dipper).
Proud to quit with you, PM me for digits,
Charles
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Winner, winner!. Welcome BB, if you haven't already done so, go post roll. It is your promise to yourself and us that you won't use nicotine today. I too was stunned by my guilt after quitting. How could I do this for so long and NOW feel guilty about it. Keep a little bit of that guilt. You will need it in the future as you gain confidence and the nic bitch hikes up her skirt for you. Remember how bad you felt and the danger you put yourself in. There are some crazy bad ass quitters here so go over to the December 2014 group and check in. topic/10503924/475/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10503924/475/)
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Kyle, I admire your honesty and strength to go this far alone. One comment I'd like to make is about your statement "I'm gonna finish it this time": you're going to learn with time that we never "finish" we are addicts for life. We quit every day and will for the rest of our lives. I didn't understand that 2 1/2 years ago and didn't want to accept it 2 years ago but today I quit for the 916th day and look forward to tomorrow so I can do it again, but I won't worry about it till tomorrow.
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You ever gonna post roll in Dec?
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Kyle,
First off welcome and congrats on the quit. We are all here to help and we will do whatever we can for you. I noticed you were from MS and so am I. I sent you a pm so get back to me.
Second. Noticed you posted roll on Oct 2nd. What happens on the 3,4 5? We post roll EVERYDAY, not just when we feel like it. Get in with guys from December Quit group and you won't regret it. Look forward to seeing you post roll today. Like I said if you need anything just ask. I am proud to quit with you today.
Sir Nope.
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BB...congrats on a great decision. And great intro. Now lets follow it up together. Post roll, read everything you can...especially the Tom Jenny Kern Story...and live free.
11 days is HUGE. But it is babyshit compared to what you can do. You took the first step...we're here for the rest. One tip...nothing about quitting sucks. Train yourself to appreciate the withdrawal symptoms. They are reminders of a life you don't want...and don't live anymore. Some reminders are stronger than others. But just tell yourself, "thanks, but no thanks, I'm not a shithead anymore."
Turn the tables on the Nic Bitch...learn to embrace the suck...have fun with your new freedom. Withdrawals are the feeling of healing. Everyday without nic is cause to celebrate. There is nothing shitty about being nic free! You got this, brother!
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Bucks nice job posting roll.....great decision you to quit. So many guys here really similar to you, dipped for a long time (I dipped for 26 years) tried and failed to quit many many times. What makes this site different? We quit one day at a time. And because you make a promise to quit every day (posting roll) you are focused on quitting at the beginning of every day, and the promise and focus has gotten me through some bad craves. If I can do this, so can you...good luck.