KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: GlockTherapy on January 24, 2013, 10:34:00 PM
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Hi all,
My name is Greg. I'm not that computer savvy, so I'm not sure where and how to post. I'll try to figure it out as I go.
I dipped for over 13 years. My latest brand was Copenhagen Wintergreen. I was at about 1 1/2-2 cans a day. I quit today.
Today is Day 1. There are waves of nicotine cravings as well as the cravings of putting a dip in my mouth. My mind has been totally foggy and in a dreamlike state. My ears are ringing. I felt cotton mouthed all day today. At one point there was a wave of muscle contractions (not painful) that sucked the air out of my lungs and made me bend over and collapse onto all fours.
I only yelled at my kids about 17 times. I'm sure they deserved at least one of them.
My wife looked at me after I got angry for no reason and said, "You're doing a good job hiding the withdrawal symptoms!"
I already sense the support KTC has for one another. I appreciate it.
Thanks for reading
Greg
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Hi Greg, Congrats on the decision to quit today! try coming into chat or rant at us here on the site instead of taking it out on your wife and kids.
Second, it does get better, I promise.
You can start here-Welcome Center (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=13)
It looks like you found your group in May '13. Post roll there and get to know your quit brothers and sisters. Don't be afraid to ask for help! You are not alone.
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Don't yell at your kids!!! It's not their fault!!! I'm kidding (or am I?). I'm a dad, too. Most of the time they deserve it. Don't quit for them, though. I know that sounds bass ackwards, but you'll resent them if you do. Quit for YOU!!! I'm a single, widowed daddy and I always said I needed to quit for the kid. Not true. I needed to quit for me. The longer you go, the more that will make sense. Even after ten days it makes SOOO much more sense to me. First ten days in sixteen years that I can honestly say I'm proud of myself. Fatherhood is 100% hypocritical if you're killing yourself the whole time. Even as a newbie, I bet all the vets agree with me on that. Good luck. You can do this!!
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Welcome to Quit Greg! I was a 25 year chewing degenerate fiend. I am now 56 days Quit. I too have a young family and I know the importance of staying above ground.
Just grind this bitch out. Start doing things for the first time nicotine free. For me it was watching the game with no dip, driving home no dip, playing play station no dip....WORKING with no dip (that is and was crazy hard for me)...Then your brain begins to realize....I don't need that shit to get through the day.
Find your group. Post roll every day. This is a hard core Quit group. If I can Quit....YOU can Quit. Welcome to freedom from tabacco.....It's much better on this side of the fence.
Good luck! KC Bronco
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Congrats on a great choice, Greg. You can do this. Post roll, read all you can and live free. Embrace the suck...that is the feeling of recovery. Your freedom is earned one day at a time here. We're all in this together. Reach out for support and NEVER go back.
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I'm in your quit group too. This is day 1 for me. I'm so thankful that I found this site and all the support from everyone. Looks like a great place for help. I'm in the fog with you and it sucks.
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Thanks for you support! It amazes me how an Internet connection and a blog post really helps out with getting rid of the Nic. Just promising to not use is so helpful and makes me strong when I want to go get a dip.
This is day 4 for me and I'm amazed that I made it four days without a dip. That in and of itself is a confidence booster that Nic can be beaten.
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Welcome to the QUIT! for 32 years I was enslaved to this crap. After MANY attmepts to quit, this site put me over the top. 242 days and counting! Pretty simple. Accountability to your word and an awesome communtiy of bad ass quitters who know EXACTLY what you are going through. I am QUIT WITH YOU TODAY!
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Ditto's on all of the kick ass advice!! We do know what you are going thru! Bring all of that anger into here! We understand. Leave the family out of it! It would be better for her to be yelling"You are on the damn Computer all of the time! then you yelling at her.
Stay strong!
J
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Just giving an update!
Day 10 and I made it through!
There should be a milestone chip each day for day 1 through day 10!
The desire to dip is still there but it isn't the desire to stop the pain but rather it is the habit and the mental desire for nic.
I want to thank you all for your help getting me this far. I know it was me who who quit but y'all helped me out so much.
Thanks!
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Just giving an update!
Day 10 and I made it through!
There should be a milestone chip each day for day 1 through day 10!
The desire to dip is still there but it isn't the desire to stop the pain but rather it is the habit and the mental desire for nic.
I want to thank you all for your help getting me this far. I know it was me who who quit but y'all helped me out so much.
Thanks!
Nice job Glocktherapy 10 is awesome, think of the money you are saving everyday as your milestone chip.
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Just giving an update!
Day 10 and I made it through!Â
There should be a milestone chip each day for day 1 through day 10!Â
The desire to dip is still there but it isn't the desire to stop the pain but rather it is the habit and the mental desire for nic.Â
I want to thank you all for your help getting me this far. I know it was me who who quit but y'all helped me out so much.Â
Thanks!
Nice job Glocktherapy 10 is awesome, think of the money you are saving everyday as your milestone chip.
nice day 10, see you in the morning for day 11!
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Congrats on making it to day 10! Now just repeat everyday for the rest of your life! Great, great job! Like you said in my post, its hard to believe you can live without nic, but now that you've done without for 10 days, isn't everything getting better? I know it is for me. Pm me if you need anything! Keep up the good quit!
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Just giving an update!
Day 10 and I made it through!
There should be a milestone chip each day for day 1 through day 10!
The desire to dip is still there but it isn't the desire to stop the pain but rather it is the habit and the mental desire for nic.
I want to thank you all for your help getting me this far. I know it was me who who quit but y'all helped me out so much.
Thanks!
Congrats Quitter!!!!
10 days is HUGE!!! Everyday is huge! Do not take it for granted!! Never again for any reason brother!!
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So I left my house yesterday and drove to work. It's about 15 hours of driving. I seriously thought I was going to cave last night/ this morning. That was the hardest time I have had in all my 13 days. Harder than the first 4 days. I know some of y'all will understand the crave - for me it was the most difficult thing to go through. It lasted for hours. When I pulled off the interstate to get fuel and a soda I was scared to go in to the store because I was afraid I'd but some dip. I kept thinking about the struggles I've gone through and how I didn't want to go through them again. I thought how I didn't want to hear any crap from y'all. I thought how I could just lie to you guys and to my wife. When I walked into the store I thought for sure I'd buy a can. When I talked to the clerk somehow I asked for SmokeyMountain Snuff. Somehow that was what came out. Then the clerk said it was good that I was quitting because the clerk was a smoker and new how hard it was to quit. I think the clerk could see and sense I was struggling.
I don't know how I made it through. I feel guilty even admitting this.
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So I left my house yesterday and drove to work. It's about 15 hours of driving. I seriously thought I was going to cave last night/ this morning. That was the hardest time I have had in all my 13 days. Harder than the first 4 days. I know some of y'all will understand the crave - for me it was the most difficult thing to go through. It lasted for hours. When I pulled off the interstate to get fuel and a soda I was scared to go in to the store because I was afraid I'd but some dip. I kept thinking about the struggles I've gone through and how I didn't want to go through them again. I thought how I didn't want to hear any crap from y'all. I thought how I could just lie to you guys and to my wife. When I walked into the store I thought for sure I'd buy a can. When I talked to the clerk somehow I asked for SmokeyMountain Snuff. Somehow that was what came out. Then the clerk said it was good that I was quitting because the clerk was a smoker and new how hard it was to quit. I think the clerk could see and sense I was struggling.
I don't know how I made it through. I feel guilty even admitting this.
No guilt bro. Thats pride right there bro. Thats victory. Good job. Best post LOOT read today. Thanks for sharing.
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Dude, Loot. When I saw that you had responded to my post I thought I was going to get an ear full.
Why do I FEAR letting a bunch of you guys down when I wouldn't care about letting my wife and kids down? That's a rhetorical question.
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Dude, Loot. When I saw that you had responded to my post I thought I was going to get an ear full.
Why do I FEAR letting a bunch of you guys down when I wouldn't care about letting my wife and kids down? That's a rhetorical question.
Kinda weird....took me a while to figure it out too.
You will figure out your own reasons soon enough. Stick around and it will be clear.
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Dude, Loot. When I saw that you had responded to my post I thought I was going to get an ear full.
Why do I FEAR letting a bunch of you guys down when I wouldn't care about letting my wife and kids down? That's a rhetorical question.
Kinda weird....took me a while to figure it out too.
You will figure out your own reasons soon enough. Stick around and it will be clear.
I had a similar experience as you did with your interstate clerk. The reason you did the right thing is because you're a man of integrity. In that moment you revealed the strength of your committment. You made your promise. You won't break it.
And that's why you fear letting the people of KTC down. We are just like you. We ARE you. We are a mirror. You lie to us and you're lying to yourself. We can sniff it out. We've been there. We've told all the lies.
We will hold you accountable for your actions. You can lie to your wife and your kids. But you cannot lie to us.Why not? Because your wife and children will give you unconditional love. We do not trade in unconditional love here. The love you get here is conditional. The condition is that you are quit.
Proud to be quit with you today and DAMN FUCKING PROUD you survived your moment with the interstate pusher.
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Dude, Loot. When I saw that you had responded to my post I thought I was going to get an ear full.
Why do I FEAR letting a bunch of you guys down when I wouldn't care about letting my wife and kids down? That's a rhetorical question.
Kinda weird....took me a while to figure it out too.
You will figure out your own reasons soon enough. Stick around and it will be clear.
I had a similar experience as you did with your interstate clerk. The reason you did the right thing is because you're a man of integrity. In that moment you revealed the strength of your committment. You made your promise. You won't break it.
And that's why you fear letting the people of KTC down. We are just like you. We ARE you. We are a mirror. You lie to us and you're lying to yourself. We can sniff it out. We've been there. We've told all the lies.
We will hold you accountable for your actions. You can lie to your wife and your kids. But you cannot lie to us.Why not? Because your wife and children will give you unconditional love. We do not trade in unconditional love here. The love you get here is conditional. The condition is that you are quit.
Proud to be quit with you today and DAMN FUCKING PROUD you survived your moment with the interstate pusher.
2nd best post of the day. Damn.
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Dude, Loot. When I saw that you had responded to my post I thought I was going to get an ear full.
Why do I FEAR letting a bunch of you guys down when I wouldn't care about letting my wife and kids down? That's a rhetorical question.
Kinda weird....took me a while to figure it out too.
You will figure out your own reasons soon enough. Stick around and it will be clear.
I had a similar experience as you did with your interstate clerk. The reason you did the right thing is because you're a man of integrity. In that moment you revealed the strength of your committment. You made your promise. You won't break it.
And that's why you fear letting the people of KTC down. We are just like you. We ARE you. We are a mirror. You lie to us and you're lying to yourself. We can sniff it out. We've been there. We've told all the lies.
We will hold you accountable for your actions. You can lie to your wife and your kids. But you cannot lie to us.Why not? Because your wife and children will give you unconditional love. We do not trade in unconditional love here. The love you get here is conditional. The condition is that you are quit.
Proud to be quit with you today and DAMN FUCKING PROUD you survived your moment with the interstate pusher.
2nd best post of the day. Damn.
nice post glock, if you're willing to copy this over to May I think it could help a fellow quitter or two out. This is the kind of thing you guys should be talking about with eachother. Proud to quit with you, you got some wicked quitters here watching over you, have you asked for any of their numbers yet?
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I signed up January 24, 2013 for KTC. And I made it a couple of weeks. Then I started chewing again. Then I chewed nicotine gum. Then I stopped the nicotine gum for about a year and four months. Then I made the excuse that just because I was tired and had to work a forty hour a day that I would chew "Just this once." And then I'd throw it away. That chew lasted from February 2016 till December 25th, 2016. I decided to quit chewing tobacco on the 26th of December but I thought I would chew nicotine gum and use a patch to make it easier for me. On January 1st of 2017 - not a new years resolution but just because I got sick of this nicotine crap - I spit out the gum and tore off the patch. I am so sick and tired of this nicotine and tobacco. But my way hasn't worked out. I've been lurking on the KTC web site a few times throughout the years saying more to myself, "I don't need these guys." But it really surprised me when I searched my original join email and found it had been four years since I had initially signed up.
Why did I quit and then start again? I loved chewing more than I love my integrity. In fact, admitting that to myself was one of the things I found relieving. I found it relieving to tell myself the truth that I wanted tobacco more than I wanted to quit.
So, here I sit, head in a nasty fog, body screaming at me and saying that for today, I will not use, take or buy and tobacco, nicotine or nicotine alternative.
Glock Therapy.
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I signed up January 24, 2013 for KTC. And I made it a couple of weeks. Then I started chewing again. Then I chewed nicotine gum. Then I stopped the nicotine gum for about a year and four months. Then I made the excuse that just because I was tired and had to work a forty hour a day that I would chew "Just this once." And then I'd throw it away. That chew lasted from February 2016 till December 25th, 2016. I decided to quit chewing tobacco on the 26th of December but I thought I would chew nicotine gum and use a patch to make it easier for me. On January 1st of 2017 - not a new years resolution but just because I got sick of this nicotine crap - I spit out the gum and tore off the patch. I am so sick and tired of this nicotine and tobacco. But my way hasn't worked out. I've been lurking on the KTC web site a few times throughout the years saying more to myself, "I don't need these guys." But it really surprised me when I searched my original join email and found it had been four years since I had initially signed up.
Why did I quit and then start again? I loved chewing more than I love my integrity. In fact, admitting that to myself was one of the things I found relieving. I found it relieving to tell myself the truth that I wanted tobacco more than I wanted to quit.
So, here I sit, head in a nasty fog, body screaming at me and saying that for today, I will not use, take or buy and tobacco, nicotine or nicotine alternative.
Glock Therapy.
Welcome back.
Jan 24, 2013. One month to the day after I quit. I'm an April fogcutter, you are a Mayster. I'm posting day 1,473 today. You are posting day 2. You had the tools, and you know this place works. We post our promise each day and we keep our word. We help each other. But we are honest at all times and once we give our word not even water boarding would make us break it. One day at a time, brother, you cannot imagine the sense of freedom and peace that is in my life. Fuck the money saved, which is now nearly 10k... or the obvious health advantages... the freedom from lies and shame and guilt is beyond my ability to put into words. It is s freedom that is yours for the taking, but it requires hard word and integrity. You gotta want it.
I post with the Maysters daily. I invite you to do the same, along with your new group. We win as a team. We fail alone. You can do this.
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Thought I'd post your answers here too:
See you've been here before (31 days in 2013) so you're probably familiar with the cave questions.
What happened?
Why did it happen?
What will you do differently this time to keep it from happening again?
What happened:
This is going back four years, but I remember my fail. Though I was truly struggling through the fog, and I had a 30 hour day, I decided that a chew would let me wake up and be ok. But it wasn't like I tripped and fell into the pool. It wasn't a slip up, a mistake, No, it was my choice. I dove into the pool. I just wanted to have the chew again. I found "my excuse" to chew but ultimately, I just wanted it more than I wanted to quit.
What will you do differently this time to keep it from happening again?
Honestly I don't know if I can make it. Here are some differences: 1)My wife is more willing to talk with me about what's going on. I don't have to hide the struggles I'm dealing with. She's willing to let me talk and not criticize me for the struggles. We both know it was my choice to chew. But lately she hasn't been criticizing me, and in fact she is more willing to listen. So that's helpful. 2) I intellectually agree with the fact that my way doesn't work. (Notice that I only intellectually agree - I don't own it in my heart) So I am submitting myself to KTC and the daily roll call as accountability. I hate accountability. So I will do that today.
3) I found something that is helpful for me to repeat (Today is day 2 of being NIC free, though I used NRT for eight days before this) "No thanks, I quit." I say that about ten times when I wake up, and then throughout the day.
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Glad to see you are back. My start was similar but I never posted roll. Nonetheless... A couple of things here I see. You have to drop the mentality that you aren't sure you'll make it. Next thing is that you are blaming your wife for your addiction. It isn't her fault. How about this mentality. She is going to have to accept that you have quit now! Don't give her an excuse to be pissed. I can tell you my wife was never critical of my quitting, that's for sure! Glad you are quit!
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own it this time
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I hope some of the newer quitters will read this thread, it shows how you think you have your quit in hand, and then BANG, it's gone. I hope you quit this time Glock, and not just a stoppage. You had the support of some monster quitters back in 2013, and walked away from them.
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...Honestly I don't know if I can make it...
Dude... you can't allow this to be even a fleeting thought. If this is truly your mindset then you've already caved... it just hasn't happened yet... again. Over the years I've seen this frame of mind make someone's Quit a white knuckle ride the entire time. They never turn the corner on owning their Quit... loving their Quit.
That. Has. To. Happen!
You can't spend the rest of your life quitting every day. There really does have to come a point where you fucking own it and... you're Quit. It becomes who you are instead of something you're doing in white knuckle fashion, hoping you get through the next craving. At 1,359 days today... I laugh at craves. They're a joke.
Because I owned that decision.
Done for Me... by Me.
It may sound cocky for me to say some of that. That's ok... I don't really care... I worked and nurtured this Quit because I needed and wanted it more than anything... anything.
That's where you need to get to bro.
Own. It.
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...Honestly I don't know if I can make it...
Dude... you can't allow this to be even a fleeting thought. If this is truly your mindset then you've already caved... it just hasn't happened yet... again. Over the years I've seen this frame of mind make someone's Quit a white knuckle ride the entire time. They never turn the corner on owning their Quit... loving their Quit.
That. Has. To. Happen!
You can't spend the rest of your life quitting every day. There really does have to come a point where you fucking own it and... you're Quit. It becomes who you are instead of something you're doing in white knuckle fashion, hoping you get through the next craving. At 1,359 days today... I laugh at craves. They're a joke.
Because I owned that decision.
Done for Me... by Me.
It may sound cocky for me to say some of that. That's ok... I don't really care... I worked and nurtured this Quit because I needed and wanted it more than anything... anything.
That's where you need to get to bro.
Own. It.
There are ways to win.
Post early
Post in other groups
Read a lot on the site
Stay on the site a lot reading, giving, getting support
Update your intro
Reach out to those that have offered assistance
And there are ways to lose.
you can do this, but as applejack said... you have got to own it.
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Next thing is that you are blaming your wife for your addiction. It isn't her fault. How about this mentality. She is going to have to accept that you have quit now! Don't give her an excuse to be pissed. I can tell you my wife was never critical of my quitting, that's for sure! Glad you are quit!
I had never thought about it before but you're right - in a way I am blaming my wife - in the sense that she wasn't supportive. So somehow I made that her fault rather than this whole mess being mine. I'm not saying it right but I'll figure it out and repost it.
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Vegas is a tough struggle this early on. Your word will keep you clean. Post early. Stay close to the site. One drink (or better none) is enough.
This quit is the most important thing in your life. Cherish it.
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Hang Tough Greg. Onward Thru the Fog. Im Anthony , in April with you Bro. Check your inbox for my digits. Life is too short for even one more chew.
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Today would be day 1,461 if I had stay quit when I first joined KTC.
But I didn't buy in to KTC and I really wanted the chew more than I wanted to quit.
I thought it would be just a little detour to take one dip. And I thought I didn't need KTC. I would be able to quit without KTC. I didn't quit after that dip for about two years, but I started using BRT. When I finally quit NRT I think there was maybe 6 months where I was NIC free. Then, one day I needed a dip. It was supposed to keep me awake. After all, it was a forty hour day and I had to make it to my flight. I'll use this one can and when I get to the airport I'll throw it away. It took me ten months to throw that can away. And then I decided to quit tobacco for good. I was sick of it and for once in my life I wanted to quit tobacco more than I wanted to shove it in my face. So I decided to just quit. On Christmas Day 2016. I started chewing NRT gum and used a patch. But I was sick of the idea of nicotine. I hate nicotine. I HATE nicotine. So I just decided to quit. January 1, 2017 - it had nothing to do with the date - I took the patch off and spit the gun out. Then I sulked. My way wasn't working. I knew I needed some help. Brethren to help me. So, knowing I would suffer abuse, I came back to KTC. I thought it had only been a couple of years. It had been four. I came back to KTC because my way wasn't working. And I pledged one day at a time. I quit today. And that one day at a time pledge has helped me more than most would realize. The KTC crew gets it, but my friends don't. They don't understand why I am posting roll. Or reading through KTC. Why? If I had stayed where I had been, today would've been 1461 days free. Instead, its Day 22 and I want to make it to 1461.
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Today would be day 1,461 if I had stay quit when I first joined KTC.
But I didn't buy in to KTC and I really wanted the chew more than I wanted to quit.
I thought it would be just a little detour to take one dip. And I thought I didn't need KTC. I would be able to quit without KTC. I didn't quit after that dip for about two years, but I started using BRT. When I finally quit NRT I think there was maybe 6 months where I was NIC free. Then, one day I needed a dip. It was supposed to keep me awake. After all, it was a forty hour day and I had to make it to my flight. I'll use this one can and when I get to the airport I'll throw it away. It took me ten months to throw that can away. And then I decided to quit tobacco for good. I was sick of it and for once in my life I wanted to quit tobacco more than I wanted to shove it in my face. So I decided to just quit. On Christmas Day 2016. I started chewing NRT gum and used a patch. But I was sick of the idea of nicotine. I hate nicotine. I HATE nicotine. So I just decided to quit. January 1, 2017 - it had nothing to do with the date - I took the patch off and spit the gun out. Then I sulked. My way wasn't working. I knew I needed some help. Brethren to help me. So, knowing I would suffer abuse, I came back to KTC. I thought it had only been a couple of years. It had been four. I came back to KTC because my way wasn't working. And I pledged one day at a time. I quit today. And that one day at a time pledge has helped me more than most would realize. The KTC crew gets it, but my friends don't. They don't understand why I am posting roll. Or reading through KTC. Why? If I had stayed where I had been, today would've been 1461 days free. Instead, its Day 22 and I want to make it to 1461.
One day at a time Glock. Each day is a win and better than the past. Every one.
I'm honored to quit with you today.
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Congratulations on 100 days of wins stacked up in a nice neat row.
This place works - I'm glad you came back.
Celebrate today. You earned this!
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Nice Job on hitting Day 100 Glock!!
Proud to quit with you!