KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Tapout75 on August 06, 2009, 11:36:00 AM
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Allow myself to introduce..um.. myself,
I am 36 from Indiana, have a fiance and a 5 yr old daughter, and a 16 month old son.
I work in the maintenance field ( building, machinery, production equip.)
I have been laid off for 5 months now.So pretty much all I do now is take care of 2 kids and look for work. Not real big into sports, but i am like the ultimate UFC fan.
I have chewed a can of cope everyday for about 18 years, and i am done. I cannot even fathom the money i have wasted on that shit. The receding gumlines, the spit bottles in the house, the car, the movies everywhere i went. Today when i woke up, i dumped the half can i had into the shitter, where it belongs.
I ordered some of the fake stuff, smokey mountain, hooch, and bacc-off. I have recieved the hooch and the smc, and let me tell you they dont taste much like cope, but damn that hooch smells like a dead horses rectum.
So anyways, here i am done chewing. For me, my kids, and now all you guys.
The stress of being laid off and becoming a temporary Mr. Mom have been hard. But it will not beat me. I searched online and found this site, and after reading tons of pages, you guys seem just like me. . any questions please ask.
PS I can fathom the cost now, about 23,000....thats either a new truck, or a really good hooker, and to think i was cramming it into my puke hole.
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Allow myself to introduce..um.. myself,
I am 36 from Indiana, have a fiance and a 5 yr old daughter, and a 16 month old son.
I work in the maintenance field ( building, machinery, production equip.)
I have been laid off for 5 months now.So pretty much all I do now is take care of 2 kids and look for work. Not real big into sports, but i am like the ultimate UFC fan.
I have chewed a can of cope everyday for about 18 years, and i am done. I cannot even fathom the money i have wasted on that shit. The receding gumlines, the spit bottles in the house, the car, the movies everywhere i went. Today when i woke up, i dumped the half can i had into the shitter, where it belongs.
I ordered some of the fake stuff, smokey mountain, hooch, and bacc-off. I have recieved the hooch and the smc, and let me tell you they dont taste much like cope, but damn that hooch smells like a dead horses rectum.
So anyways, here i am done chewing. For me, my kids, and now all you guys.
The stress of being laid off and becoming a temporary Mr. Mom have been hard. But it will not beat me. I searched online and found this site, and after reading tons of pages, you guys seem just like me. . any questions please ask.
PS I can fathom the cost now, about 23,000....thats either a new truck, or a really good hooker, and to think i was cramming it into my puke hole.
Welcome tapout!! I'm a 30 year plus cope dipper up to 2 cans per day, so let me tell you straight up, if I can quit you can quit!!!! I hated the Smokey mountain crap (too sticky) and agree the Hooch regular sucks. What taste it did have felt like I was sucking on cardboard. I tried the mint hooch and found that I could tolerate it and it tastes a hell of a lot better than the original or spitfire!!!!
Here are some links that may help...
Be sure and visit the welcome center, it will provide you with a ton of informationÂ…..
index.php?showforum=13 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=13)
Your quit group is November 09... here ....
index.php?showtopic=2596st=0 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=2596&st=0)
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Roll call, why we do it your word by LOOT.
index.php?showtopic=120 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=120)
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A how to get started by Remy:
index.php?showtopic=1360 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=1360)
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How to post roll.
index.php?showtopic=50 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=50)
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How to Post ROLL CALL - Roll Call Instructions
Step 1 - Find the last Roll Call
Step 2 - Hit the "Quote" button in the upper right hand corner.
Step 3 - Click your mouse ANYWHERE in The bottom Box
Step 4 - Hit Ctrl and "A" at the Same time so it looks like THIS
Step 5 - Hit Ctrl and "X" at the same time so there is NOTHING in Either Box
Step 6 - Click your mouse in the TOP BOX
Step 7 - Hit Ctrl and "V" at the same time to Past the info into the top box AND ADD YOUR info to the bottom of the list
Step 8 - Hit ADD REPLY below the bottom box
Step 9 - Go back to the 1st unread post, pat yourself on the back, and have a beer cause you will not be dipping today.
If you need anything else, give me a shout.
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Allow myself to introduce..um.. myself,
I am 36 from Indiana, have a fiance and a 5 yr old daughter, and a 16 month old son.
I work in the maintenance field ( building, machinery, production equip.)
I have been laid off for 5 months now.So pretty much all I do now is take care of 2 kids and look for work. Not real big into sports, but i am like the ultimate UFC fan.
I have chewed a can of cope everyday for about 18 years, and i am done. I cannot even fathom the money i have wasted on that shit. The receding gumlines, the spit bottles in the house, the car, the movies everywhere i went. Today when i woke up, i dumped the half can i had into the shitter, where it belongs.
I ordered some of the fake stuff, smokey mountain, hooch, and bacc-off. I have recieved the hooch and the smc, and let me tell you they dont taste much like cope, but damn that hooch smells like a dead horses rectum.
So anyways, here i am done chewing. For me, my kids, and now all you guys.
The stress of being laid off and becoming a temporary Mr. Mom have been hard. But it will not beat me. I searched online and found this site, and after reading tons of pages, you guys seem just like me. . any questions please ask.
PS I can fathom the cost now, about 23,000....thats either a new truck, or a really good hooker, and to think i was cramming it into my puke hole.
TAPOUT-
A mixed martial arts brother...beautiful...I'm also a huge UFC fan and do some training here locally as a hobby. Check out the UFC thread in the sports section where me and some of the others talk about the latest.
Sounds like things are rough and it's a perfect time for you to keep on feeding yourself bullshit and self-pity to keep on chewing....but you chose this time to quit...I DIG THAT SHIT! Says alot about your attitude.
Get some numbers, keep on reading and if you need anything, ring me up. Stay Quit or I will throw you into a rear naked choke and ignore your tap
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Wow. I expected this first day to be hard. But i had no idea the physical part would feel so funny..I dont know if it is the lack of nicotine, or all those nasty fake cans i bought. But i am light headed, dizzy, grumpy, tired as hell. almost feel drunk LOL.
After the first 3 days, do these feelings get easier?
Also, is dipping smc bad for you? Because it is something against your gum and lip even though there is no nicotine.
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Wow. I expected this first day to be hard. But i had no idea the physical part would feel so funny..I dont know if it is the lack of nicotine, or all those nasty fake cans i bought. But i am light headed, dizzy, grumpy, tired as hell. almost feel drunk LOL.
After the first 3 days, do these feelings get easier?
Also, is dipping smc bad for you? Because it is something against your gum and lip even though there is no nicotine.
This sound about right? http://www.killthecan.org/facts/thefog.asp (http://www.killthecan.org/facts/thefog.asp)
Hang in there... it gets better. I can't tell you exactly when but it does. Promise.
Till then hold tight and stick with us. It's worth it in the end.
chewie
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Welcome Tapout
Congratulations on the best decision of your life. It sounds like you're ready to kick the nic bitch's ass. I like your attitude. I can sympathize with the stress you're going through but listen up - if you're the ultimate UFC fan then you have a huge test coming up on Sat. - not dipping during UFC 101. I watch all the events as well and let me tell you it feels so much better watching the shows and doing everything else in life without a piece of dog shit in your mouth.
You will get through it!!! Read everything on KTC,,,multiple times,,post roll everyday,,,have a crave plan. Let me know if you need anything and go over to the UFC thread and make some predictions.
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Even sooner that Saturday night, i have a big test comming up at 2:00 today. I have a job interview and at this interview i have to take a mechanical and electrical test. All while feeling jittery and craving hard. LOL.
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Just remember that dip will not change anything, it's all in your head. Will you do better if you dip...hell no, but it will make your breath smell like a pigs ass....maybe that will help get the job. Or you might not rinse good enouhg and show the hot HR girl some worm dirt stuck in your teeth, maybe that will help.
I say all that just so you can begin the rewiring process in your head, nothing is changed around you with dip, it's all in your head.
Great job on making the commitment and stick to it, this site works but you have to use the tools.
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Even sooner that Saturday night, i have a big test comming up at 2:00 today. I have a job interview and at this interview i have to take a mechanical and electrical test. All while feeling jittery and craving hard. LOL.
Dont let your brain do this to yourself. Those are just excuses you listed. You will always have them. Do not let yourself lie to yourself any longer.
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Wow. I expected this first day to be hard. But i had no idea the physical part would feel so funny..I dont know if it is the lack of nicotine, or all those nasty fake cans i bought. But i am light headed, dizzy, grumpy, tired as hell. almost feel drunk LOL.
After the first 3 days, do these feelings get easier?
Also, is dipping smc bad for you? Because it is something against your gum and lip even though there is no nicotine.
I actually started to enjoy the "dizzy high" I felt after the first few days. Brains love Oxygen almost as much as chicks dig that guy from Twilight.
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I am starting to contribute some of my dizziness to the mixture i made. 1 can Smokey mountain classic- 1 can hooch classic- 1 can bacc-off...mixed together in a bowl and divided it up into 3 cans... And i thought they tasted like crap before??? This concoction now has the aroma and the taste of a prostitues breath on a saturday night. But somehow i feel slightly aroused, is this normal? :blink:
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I am starting to contribute some of my dizziness to the mixture i made. 1 can Smokey mountain classic- 1 can hooch classic- 1 can bacc-off...mixed together in a bowl and divided it up into 3 cans... And i thought they tasted like crap before??? This concoction now has the aroma and the taste of a prostitues breath on a saturday night. But somehow i feel slightly aroused, is this normal? :blink:
totally...been with many sat night hookers and the breath is the thing that makes me get wallet out
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I am starting to contribute some of my dizziness to the mixture i made. 1 can Smokey mountain classic- 1 can hooch classic- 1 can bacc-off...mixed together in a bowl and divided it up into 3 cans... And i thought they tasted like crap before??? This concoction now has the aroma and the taste of a prostitues breath on a saturday night. But somehow i feel slightly aroused, is this normal? :blink:
totally...been with many sat night hookers and the breath is the thing that makes me get wallet out
This is total dedication to the quit. that is alot of effort to kill the bitch. I am impressed, if I had my own company I would hire you. keep quit dudes.
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I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.
My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in. I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak. If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it. I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.
If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.
So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses. fuck my caving. fuck them all..
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I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.
My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in. I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak. If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it. I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.
If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.
So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses. fuck my caving. fuck them all..
The shit isnt easy and the brain is powerful. Catching yourself and realizing your mistake is important. But 5 days out bro come on -- your mental shit took over not the physical withdrawal. I have caved in the past as well so I am not one to get on you as much as others. You appear to beating yourself up real good which to means you do take this seriously!
We have a strong group in November so get your shit in order and dont screw it up. We count on each other every day to get out of this crap. We are here as a team to get this done and you are a part of it.
So for me anyhow you got my support and I will offer any support I can to you!
Wayne
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I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.
My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in. I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak. If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it. I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.
If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.
So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses. fuck my caving. fuck them all..
Tapout, I'm new here and have seen varied approaches to people who cave. My 2 cents, just keep the quit up. You made the mistake, realized it, and move on. Certainly don't want to see a pattern there but I know 5 days into it I've more than once thought, dreamt, hoped that I would find a stray can around. So maybe that is the key to next steps. Be sure to go out and look through the cars, house, garage, anywhere you had it stashed before and get rid of it. Do it now while you are mad and get someone to go with you if you don't trust yourself!
Welcome back to the quit!!!!
Jack
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I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.
My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in. I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak. If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it. I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.
If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.
So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses. fuck my caving. fuck them all..
Tapout,
Sometimes taking a step backwards is the only way one can move forward. Lets hope that this is what you needed to move forward in your quit. Use the cave to make your quit stronger.
I found that my quit today is much harder in different ways than getting over the nicotine addition the first week. Be sure to use this cave to strengthen your resolve to get through some pretty tough shit as your quit progresses. Use your fuck up here wisely, because I suspect you won't get another chance with this crew.
Stay Quit!
Kevin
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I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.
My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in. I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak. If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it. I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.
If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.
So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses. fuck my caving. fuck them all..
Tapout,
Sometimes taking a step backwards is the only way one can move forward. Lets hope that this is what you needed to move forward in your quit. Use the cave to make your quit stronger.
I found that my quit today is much harder in different ways than getting over the nicotine addition the first week. Be sure to use this cave to strengthen your resolve to get through some pretty tough shit as your quit progresses. Use your fuck up here wisely, because I suspect you won't get another chance with this crew.
Stay Quit!
Kevin
Fuck that Kmemeremm.....One step back is still one step back. You've still got to repeat that first step. You don't cave at day 5 and then magically appear back the next day on day 6. You've got to start back at day 1 every time you cave. Ya'll are being way too nice to this guy. Don't forget he LIED to you this morning by posting roll. He put his WORD down that he would not use dip today and then found a can and "instinctively" responded by dipping. He lied and then came up with BS excuses. What would you do if your friend did that to you, or your child, or your spouse? You'd bust their ass for it, at least figuratively speaking...maybe the child....you might literally bust their ass, I'm not condoning/advocating family violence, but you feel me....
So ya'll get off the panty-patting and get to ass kicking. This fool just shit on your word by not keeping his...
But it's cool, at least he's back on the bandwagon, right......? :wub:
I love you Tapout....HUGS AND KISSES!!!
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maybe this should be titled starting now, no, now, not yet, ok, now
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Well I honestly didnt know where to put my confession. Thats why it went into my introduction.
I am glad i found this site, but i believe i will quit on my own now. i fucked up and i admitted it, and a few people said they understood fuck ups happen. and a few people pretty much called me a fuck up. I started this shit on my own, I will end it on my own. I was really hoping this site would be for me. but the more i think about it, the more i find it hard to make a daily promise to people that who will stand by you through thick and thin when things are going good, but turn their backs when you make a mistake.
Thanks though, your idea here is awesome and i am glad it has helped so many people,i can not just be one of them.
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Well I honestly didnt know where to put my confession. Thats why it went into my introduction.
I am glad i found this site, but i believe i will quit on my own now. i fucked up and i admitted it, and a few people said they understood fuck ups happen. and a few people pretty much called me a fuck up. I started this shit on my own, I will end it on my own. I was really hoping this site would be for me. but the more i think about it, the more i find it hard to make a daily promise to people that who will stand by you through thick and thin when things are going good, but turn their backs when you make a mistake.
Thanks though, your idea here is awesome and i am glad it has helped so many people,i can not just be one of them.
dude it's not about turning our backs, you turned yours. the whole point is to never dip again and it is freaking hard when the people you are promising with don't keep their word. you promised all of us that you wouldn't put the shit in your mouth today and you did. man up and start over, prove you're a quitter, but don't ever give your word unless you plan to keep it; that's called honor
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I fucked up.
i know it.. Ya`ll know it.
It will not happen again. I will Quit.
Tomorrow I will post day 1. I fucked up today and do not deserve to count it.
I am sorry for acting like a little bitch. THe nic whore had my sack in her purse, but i have that fucker back now.
Peace the fuck out, and once again. fuck you copenhagen
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I fucked up.
i know it.. Ya`ll know it.
It will not happen again. I will Quit.
Tomorrow I will post day 1. I fucked up today and do not deserve to count it.
I am sorry for acting like a little bitch. THe nic whore had my sack in her purse, but i have that fucker back now.
Peace the fuck out, and once again. fuck you copenhagen
'clap' 'clap' 'clap' 'clap' 'clap' 'clap'
Tapout that's fucking awesome. I was reading up trying to get caught up and I'm saying, "fuck, another pussy that can't take the heat".
Then I read your last post.
Just remember, guys give you shit, cause they want you to do better and do it the right way. Never stop remembering that.
This site IS for you. and all that want to quit.
Day 1 will turn into day 10, 100, 200.
See you at roll tomorrow.
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I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.
My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in. I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak. If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it. I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.
If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.
So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses. fuck my caving. fuck them all..
Tapout,
Sometimes taking a step backwards is the only way one can move forward. Lets hope that this is what you needed to move forward in your quit. Use the cave to make your quit stronger.
I found that my quit today is much harder in different ways than getting over the nicotine addition the first week. Be sure to use this cave to strengthen your resolve to get through some pretty tough shit as your quit progresses. Use your fuck up here wisely, because I suspect you won't get another chance with this crew.
Stay Quit!
Kevin
Fuck that Kmemeremm.....One step back is still one step back. You've still got to repeat that first step. You don't cave at day 5 and then magically appear back the next day on day 6. You've got to start back at day 1 every time you cave. Ya'll are being way too nice to this guy. Don't forget he LIED to you this morning by posting roll. He put his WORD down that he would not use dip today and then found a can and "instinctively" responded by dipping. He lied and then came up with BS excuses. What would you do if your friend did that to you, or your child, or your spouse? You'd bust their ass for it, at least figuratively speaking...maybe the child....you might literally bust their ass, I'm not condoning/advocating family violence, but you feel me....
So ya'll get off the panty-patting and get to ass kicking. This fool just shit on your word by not keeping his...
But it's cool, at least he's back on the bandwagon, right......? :wub:
I love you Tapout....HUGS AND KISSES!!!
I hear you ScubaSteve, however...
Sure, I could be one mean motherfucker and tell Tapout he's a no good lying fucker no better than that piece of shit I saw on the street this morning. But that's not me. I'll let other people handle that role, I'm better at building people up rather than tearing them apart.
I've only been a member for 17 days and believe me I'm not an expert on this stuff, not even close. But what I've come to realize here is that we all have different rolls to play and everyones roll is important.
My being more understanding for TAPOUT's sake isn't a sign of weakness its just another way to support him (like others are) and tell him to shape up or ship out.
Its just another way to look at things. I don't need to tell TAPOUT he's a stupid prick for lying to us. He already knows that.
Kevin
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I fucked up today, and caved. Found a can in my truck, and instinct took over. Had 1 dip for about 5 minutes, stopped and thought about what i was doing, spit it out, threw the can away, and now i feel like shit.
My mouth tasted like ass, depression immediately took over, I let myself and my kids down. As a grown fucking man, I do not cry. ever. But right now i feel like doing exactly that. And as a grown fucking man, i should have known better. The fucking copenhagen mother fucker has control over me, and i must kill that bitch. I swear now to my kids, my fiance, you guys, my gums, my fucking laptop i type this on, i will not NOT dip again. This is fucking bullshit. I had 5 fucking days in. I want to take some kickboxing classes for like a year now. Guess where the money was going to come from? thats right the fucking money i put into my fucking cake hole every fucking day. I could have extra money to buy my daughter nicer school clothes, or take my son to the park without having to fucking hide myself spitting from all of the other parents looking at me like i was a fucking freak. If i have to stop the crave but shoving a fucking can of smc up my fucking shit hole, i will fucking do it. I am a stupid mother fucker for caving. I admit my fuck-uped-ness.
If you guys will let me start over here on day 1 . i will be grateful. if not i will still quit. the only fucking thing that will beat this fucking addiction is the fucking ball bag to just fucking do it.
So in parting. I am pissed. At myself for being a fucking pussy. at copenhagen for being a cocksucker. I want to make one of those TRUTH commercials, where i find the head of copenhagen, and skull fuck his fucking rich fucking face on camera to show the world how he fucked me for 18 yrs. fuck him. fuck cope. fuck skoal. fuck kodiak. fuck gold river. fuck grizzly. fuck hawken. fuck those dirty mother fuckers right up their fucking asses. fuck my caving. fuck them all..
Tapout,
Sometimes taking a step backwards is the only way one can move forward. Lets hope that this is what you needed to move forward in your quit. Use the cave to make your quit stronger.
I found that my quit today is much harder in different ways than getting over the nicotine addition the first week. Be sure to use this cave to strengthen your resolve to get through some pretty tough shit as your quit progresses. Use your fuck up here wisely, because I suspect you won't get another chance with this crew.
Stay Quit!
Kevin
Fuck that Kmemeremm.....One step back is still one step back. You've still got to repeat that first step. You don't cave at day 5 and then magically appear back the next day on day 6. You've got to start back at day 1 every time you cave. Ya'll are being way too nice to this guy. Don't forget he LIED to you this morning by posting roll. He put his WORD down that he would not use dip today and then found a can and "instinctively" responded by dipping. He lied and then came up with BS excuses. What would you do if your friend did that to you, or your child, or your spouse? You'd bust their ass for it, at least figuratively speaking...maybe the child....you might literally bust their ass, I'm not condoning/advocating family violence, but you feel me....
So ya'll get off the panty-patting and get to ass kicking. This fool just shit on your word by not keeping his...
But it's cool, at least he's back on the bandwagon, right......? :wub:
I love you Tapout....HUGS AND KISSES!!!
I hear you ScubaSteve, however...
Sure, I could be one mean motherfucker and tell Tapout he's a no good lying fucker no better than that piece of shit I saw on the street this morning. But that's not me. I'll let other people handle that role, I'm better at building people up rather than tearing them apart.
I've only been a member for 17 days and believe me I'm not an expert on this stuff, not even close. But what I've come to realize here is that we all have different rolls to play and everyones roll is important.
My being more understanding for TAPOUT's sake isn't a sign of weakness its just another way to support him (like others are) and tell him to shape up or ship out.
Its just another way to look at things. I don't need to tell TAPOUT he's a stupid prick for lying to us. He already knows that.
Kevin
Kevin, show me where Steve said all that?
You know for 17 days, I've watched you rage against the machine, but most of the time you are taking things the wrong way. All Steve is saying really is that around here, a cave isn't like falling off your bike. We don't clean up your cuts and have you try again. Doesn't mean everyone, or anyone for that matter is a fucking loser if they cave but there has to be a certain way of dealing with it. And in 17 days, I'm not sure you get it.
Get it?
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Day 2
this is just a personal rant for myself.
after i caved , i caught alot of shit on here. i was already depressed enough because i realized that cope had alot stronger hold on me than i had previously thought. So my depression plus the hard love on here cracked me. But i sat here for awhile and just thought about what i was doing, and why i was doing it. I read alot on here ppl say * you can only quit for yourself* , but i dont think its true, I am quitting for my kids. Honestly, my life isnt as important as theirs, i have a had some pretty fucked up things happen, that have made me numb to life. 11 yrs ago my mom was a victim of a workplace shooting, her boss lost it one day and started killing people, my mom included. I was 26. I left for the army 4 days after i graduated high school, got back from basic and got married to the same girl i had been with since i was 12. we had a son in 1996. then in 1997 we divorced and i had to move back to indiana. i was broke, no job, no money, all i had was a ford ranger and a trash bag with clothes in. I didnt have the money to fight in the divorce. so she got custody. then i somehow got hit with 9 grand in child support. so i had no choice but to sign over my parental rights. so i have a 13 yr old boy i havent seen in 12 yrs. ...Anyways this isnt what i wanted to talk to myself about..
I feel so relieved after yesterday. I had like 20 ppl send me pm`s about not giving up. and i thought , these fucking people i dont even know, they know i should quit.
and to be tottaly honest with myself. i dont understand it, i have no craving now. i dont want to dip. i dont even think about it. i would love to keep going, until i forget what quit day i am on. well, i should say dip cope, i have been dipping SMC. but it sooooo not the same thing, just something to spit i guess, plus i ran out of toothpicks..
I know i am not healed yet. I know it could get bad quick. But right now, for the first time in 18 years, i am happy with where i am with my quit. i have had 1 dip of cope in the last 7 days. usually it would have 7-8 cans. Yeah i caved, im over it. shit happens once. mistakes happen twice.
My quit is for my kids. So i can play football with my son when he grows up, buy my daughter a car someday. Show them the love and protection that every kid deserves,
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Day 2
this is just a personal rant for myself.
after i caved , i caught alot of shit on here. i was already depressed enough because i realized that cope had alot stronger hold on me than i had previously thought. So my depression plus the hard love on here cracked me. But i sat here for awhile and just thought about what i was doing, and why i was doing it. I read alot on here ppl say * you can only quit for yourself* , but i dont think its true, I am quitting for my kids. Honestly, my life isnt as important as theirs, i have a had some pretty fucked up things happen, that have made me numb to life. 11 yrs ago my mom was a victim of a workplace shooting, her boss lost it one day and started killing people, my mom included. I was 26. I left for the army 4 days after i graduated high school, got back from basic and got married to the same girl i had been with since i was 12. we had a son in 1996. then in 1997 we divorced and i had to move back to indiana. i was broke, no job, no money, all i had was a ford ranger and a trash bag with clothes in. I didnt have the money to fight in the divorce. so she got custody. then i somehow got hit with 9 grand in child support. so i had no choice but to sign over my parental rights. so i have a 13 yr old boy i havent seen in 12 yrs. ...Anyways this isnt what i wanted to talk to myself about..
I feel so relieved after yesterday. I had like 20 ppl send me pm`s about not giving up. and i thought , these fucking people i dont even know, they know i should quit.
and to be tottaly honest with myself. i dont understand it, i have no craving now. i dont want to dip. i dont even think about it. i would love to keep going, until i forget what quit day i am on. well, i should say dip cope, i have been dipping SMC. but it sooooo not the same thing, just something to spit i guess, plus i ran out of toothpicks..
I know i am not healed yet. I know it could get bad quick. But right now, for the first time in 18 years, i am happy with where i am with my quit. i have had 1 dip of cope in the last 7 days. usually it would have 7-8 cans. Yeah i caved, im over it. shit happens once. mistakes happen twice.
My quit is for my kids. So i can play football with my son when he grows up, buy my daughter a car someday. Show them the love and protection that every kid deserves,
We all have dark places that we go where nothing else seems to matter and "fuckit" makes a lot more sense than soldiering on. These are the times that you need to swallow your fucking pride and reach out for help. You don't have to call a quit brother and pour your heart out, just call and say "how's it going?" - you will be amazed at how quickly you can come back from the darkness.
I cannot begin to imagine the losses that you have endured in your life, but that does not diminish the value of your life.
Your life is as important as your childrens - especially to THEM, and you should feel pride for everything you do for them whether they realize you are doing it or not.
This time in your quit will pass, I had a big case of the "Idontgiveashit's" earlier in my quit when I could have burst into flames and it wouldn't have phased me. Nothing seemed to have any value because subconciously I was mourning the loss of my 15year nicotine companion. Get through the grief and you will feel much better about things.
Stay Quit
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Day 2
this is just a personal rant for myself.
after i caved , i caught alot of shit on here. i was already depressed enough because i realized that cope had alot stronger hold on me than i had previously thought. So my depression plus the hard love on here cracked me. But i sat here for awhile and just thought about what i was doing, and why i was doing it. I read alot on here ppl say     * you can only quit for yourself* , but i dont think its true, I am quitting for my kids. Honestly, my life isnt as important as theirs, i have a had some pretty fucked up things happen, that have made me numb to life. 11 yrs ago my mom was a victim of a workplace shooting, her boss lost it one day and started killing people, my mom included. I was 26. I left for the army 4 days after i graduated high school, got back from basic and got married to the same girl i had been with since i was 12. we had a son in 1996. then in 1997 we divorced and i had to move back to indiana. i was broke, no job, no money, all i had was a ford ranger and a trash bag with clothes in. I didnt have the money to fight in the divorce. so she got custody. then i somehow got hit with 9 grand in child support. so i had no choice but to sign over my parental rights. so i have a 13 yr old boy i havent seen in 12 yrs. ...Anyways this isnt what i wanted to talk to myself about..
I feel so relieved after yesterday. I had like 20 ppl send me pm`s about not giving up. and i thought , these fucking people i dont even know, they know i should quit.
and to be tottaly honest with myself. i dont understand it, i have no craving now. i dont want to dip. i dont even think about it. i would love to keep going, until i forget what quit day i am on. well, i should say dip cope, i have been dipping SMC. but it sooooo not the same thing, just something to spit i guess, plus i ran out of toothpicks..
I know i am not healed yet. I know it could get bad quick. But right now, for the first time in 18 years, i am happy with where i am with my quit. i have had 1 dip of cope in the last 7 days. usually it would have 7-8 cans. Yeah i caved, im over it. shit happens once. mistakes happen twice.
My quit is for my kids. So i can play football with my son when he grows up, buy my daughter a car someday. Show them the love and protection that every kid deserves,
We all have dark places that we go where nothing else seems to matter and "fuckit" makes a lot more sense than soldiering on. These are the times that you need to swallow your fucking pride and reach out for help. You don't have to call a quit brother and pour your heart out, just call and say "how's it going?" - you will be amazed at how quickly you can come back from the darkness.
I cannot begin to imagine the losses that you have endured in your life, but that does not diminish the value of your life.
Your life is as important as your childrens - especially to THEM, and you should feel pride for everything you do for them whether they realize you are doing it or not.
This time in your quit will pass, I had a big case of the "Idontgiveashit's" earlier in my quit when I could have burst into flames and it wouldn't have phased me. Nothing seemed to have any value because subconciously I was mourning the loss of my 15year nicotine companion. Get through the grief and you will feel much better about things.
Stay Quit
Word up Tapout!! Great post, and thanks for opening up a bit with your life. This is what we're all about here: getting to know perfect strangers on a level some of your real life acquaintences don't even know! I've always agreed with your thought on who we're quit for. I know this site represents quitting for yourself and for yourself only. The only logic I've heard for this is that you will one day resent that other person you quit for and then cave. I don't buy that. I'm definitely quit for my wife and my future children. Sure, I DO NOT want cancer and I've had some major worries about it popping up before, and that's a big reason to quit too, but i bet imagining the face of your own children helps you out too. My wife does that for me. Keep up the good work and let us know how we can help.
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Day 3.
just a quick note to get some feelings out. Tired as fuck. went to bed last night at 8:30pm slept till 7:30am. now it is 7pm and im tired as hell again. cravings are so-so. the SMC helps alot. dont fell like i want nic, just the feeling of a dip. i hope this tired part is over soon, i have to mow my yard and i dont have the energy.
I had a job interview today, seemed to go well, but i also thought some of the others went well, and they never called me back. the guy told me the ad was online for 2 days, and he had 174 people send resumes. i hope i get it though
fuck cope