KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: St Patrick on January 06, 2014, 03:25:00 PM
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Hello folks,
My name is Mark, call sign, St. Patrick. I am 45 and live in Marietta,GA just north west of Atlanta. I have a beautiful wife and 4 kids. Two twin 10 year old boys that are both autistic and non verbal and 2 girls that are 6 and 4. Born and raised in Alabama, mostly Birmingham. Moved to Penascola for 3 years and moved up here in 2006 when the boys were dianosed with autism.
Started dipping some in high school when I was 16 or so. Really started dipping heavy when I went to college and everyone in my fraternity dipped. Since that time I have pretty much dipped copenhagen and their new wintergreen when it came out a few years back.
I have quit a few times before. The longest lasting about a year. But never went cold turkey. My first time and man is God hitting me hard for not doing this sooner. Body is all shaky, head killing me, moody, etc. Pretty much all the bad shit they say you may go through, I got it. But, that doesn't mean I can't handle this. I have put it in my mind that Nic is POISON and if I touch it again, I will die. I have yet to feel like I want a dip and that will make everything feel better. Exact opposite, I am knowing that it will just be worse and what I am going through will be two to three fold worse if I take one more shot of nicotine in any form.
I am done. I am tired of being a slave to something that is so physically repulsive to 98% of the world (except for the addicts still out there). Nicotine has made me numb to so many feelings you should enjoy in life. Like Jimmy V said, you should be able to laugh every day and cry every day. With Nicotine, I numbed every feeling that I had and pretty much was just aloof about anything and everything. I am tired of hiding from my wife and kids that I did this nasty shit. I never want to answer my 4 year old again when she asks "daddy, why did you spit out the window??". I want to be there for my boys. They will need me to be there for them and not 6 feet under because I wasn't strong enough to beat one damn drug.
Guess I have gone on long enough. I am here for the duration and won't ever be on any "Cave" list. Please PM me if you see we have some things in common or just want to shoot the shit.
Take care and ready to roll to 10,000 days.
Mark
PS. Do enjoy Snow Skiing, Diving, All sports (gator and Atl pro fan), Golf, Hunting and saltwater and freshwater fishing.
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Welcome St. Patrick.
Where do you like to ski? I'm a little partial to Utah. Embrace the suck.
I hope it hurts bad enough to never want to repeat withdrawals again. My only advice right now is don't think about 10,000 days quit.
Addicts with the mindset that they are quit for good can't process and the battle becomes impossible.
Quit today. Your mind can fight and quit today. Tomorrow has no meaning until you win your fight with little nicky today. Log your win, go to be, wake and its another, "today" Repeat.
I guarantee you this.
Post roll every day you wake and promise to be quit today.
Be a man of your word with your fellow quitters and keep your promise today
Repeat.
You do this every damn day...you will not fail, you will not cave.
Welcome to crazy quiltville. We are here to help you get your freedom back.
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Glad to have you here Patty. Your quit sounds strong and I'm pumped for you that you're ready to grab your life back. Inevitably you'll run into those times where you'll tell yourself "one can't hurt, it'll just take the edge off." Remember one is too many and 1000 is never enough. It's just the nic trying to wiggle back in.
Take things one day at a time (ODAAT). Post your roll for the day, keep that promise to yourself, your family, and your fellow quitters. Go to bed, wake up and repeat. Soon enough you'll start piling up the days.
You don't ever want to go back through the "suck" again so stay quit. Own your quit. Kill the can before it kills you and promise yourself that you won't ever let a selfish dirty habit force you to tell your kids that it was more important than spending time with them.
Proud to quit with you today and if you need anything, feel free to PM. I have a pretty good feeling you're gonna be around here for awhile.
jz
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Go St. Pat...Go! You've got a great quit going...and I like the fact that you've been posting roll daily (even before you joined this dialogue!). Hang in there, we are all struggling one day at a time and are here to support each other. PM me if you need to shout out or have any questions. ZC.
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Welcome St. Patrick.
Where do you like to ski? I'm a little partial to Utah. Embrace the suck.
I hope it hurts bad enough to never want to repeat withdrawals again. My only advice right now is don't think about 10,000 days quit.
Addicts with the mindset that they are quit for good can't process and the battle becomes impossible.
Quit today. Your mind can fight and quit today. Tomorrow has no meaning until you win your fight with little nicky today. Log your win, go to be, wake and its another, "today" Repeat.
I guarantee you this.
Post roll every day you wake and promise to be quit today.
Be a man of your word with your fellow quitters and keep your promise today
Repeat.
I agree with you completely. I won't ever think more than a day ahead. Thx for the kind words.
Love alta and snowbird, canyons is nice as well. But skied everywhere in North America and have to say vail is by far my favorite. The alone skiing you get on the back bowls is unmatched. Love that place
You do this every damn day...you will not fail, you will not cave.
Welcome to crazy quiltville. We are here to help you get your freedom back.
I agree with you completely. I won't ever think more than a day ahead. Thx for the kind words.
Love alta and snowbird, canyons is nice as well. But skied everywhere in North America and have to say vail is by far my favorite. The alone skiing you get on the back bowls is unmatched. Love that place
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I have put it in my mind that Nic is POISON and if I touch it again, I will die.
That right there is golden StPatrick. Your eyes are opened to the absolute evil that nicotine is, she is the devil whispering sweet nothings to us, our kids, our parents. And all she wants is to kill us, but first makes us her bitch, doing anything she asks, going to any length to have her, then make us endure a slow terrible death. We planned our schedules around nicotine, we lied to ourselves and our families, we were absolutely sold out. Not anymore. I'm damn proud to be quit with you today and look forward to choosing FREEDOM with you tomorrow. Way to kill it. STOMP.
DennyX
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I have put it in my mind that Nic is POISON and if I touch it again, I will die.
That right there is golden StPatrick. Your eyes are opened to the absolute evil that nicotine is, she is the devil whispering sweet nothings to us, our kids, our parents. And all she wants is to kill us, but first makes us her bitch, doing anything she asks, going to any length to have her, then make us endure a slow terrible death. We planned our schedules around nicotine, we lied to ourselves and our families, we were absolutely sold out. Not anymore. I'm damn proud to be quit with you today and look forward to choosing FREEDOM with you tomorrow. Way to kill it. STOMP.
DennyX
Thanks Yoda. You are first to reach out to me, so you are dubbed "my master of quit". Things have been better over the last 36 hours. Crazy crave this morning after the shower. But, again, just painful. Didn't even cross my mind a dip would make it better.
Thanks again for being a mentor
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Welcome aboard Mark. Your reasons and the rationale for quitting are sound, however, I caution you not to make bold statements so early in your quit like "I am here for the duration and won't ever be on any "Cave" list." You see, around here we all live by the motto One Day At A Time. It is a simple way of life. Make today count for you. Protect your quit. Post roll. When the sun rises tomorrow, do it all over again. We dont worry about tomorrow until tomorrow gets here. Enough said on that point.
Now, why do we post roll? Because we are all men of honor and making a promise to not use nicotine in any form that day and telling our brothers and sisters about it is our way of communicating that promise to the world...and men of honor keep their promises. Keep your promise and you will never have to worry about being on that Cave list you are already talking about. Right?
Now, get involved in your quit but dont forget to read all you can on this site. You will find that being in the fog will make you go through some physiological changes like you are already experiencing, but will also alter your usually sunny disposition. DO NOT TAKE OUT YOUR ANGER OR FRUSTRATIONS ON YOUR FAMILY! That is what we are here for. When the wife or kids happen to be in the way of your outburts, go outside and call one of us that have sent you a telephone number. We have been where you are at and can talk you down off the ledge. Agreed? Good! Now, look up at your Inbox(1) and open it up. It is a message from me with my telephone number. I will quit with you today Mark. Wayne
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Welcome aboard Mark. Your reasons and the rationale for quitting are sound, however, I caution you not to make bold statements so early in your quit like "I am here for the duration and won't ever be on any "Cave" list." You see, around here we all live by the motto One Day At A Time. It is a simple way of life. Make today count for you. Protect your quit. Post roll. When the sun rises tomorrow, do it all over again. We dont worry about tomorrow until tomorrow gets here. Enough said on that point.
Now, why do we post roll? Because we are all men of honor and making a promise to not use nicotine in any form that day and telling our brothers and sisters about it is our way of communicating that promise to the world...and men of honor keep their promises. Keep your promise and you will never have to worry about being on that Cave list you are already talking about. Right?
Now, get involved in your quit but dont forget to read all you can on this site. You will find that being in the fog will make you go through some physiological changes like you are already experiencing, but will also alter your usually sunny disposition. DO NOT TAKE OUT YOUR ANGER OR FRUSTRATIONS ON YOUR FAMILY! That is what we are here for. When the wife or kids happen to be in the way of your outburts, go outside and call one of us that have sent you a telephone number. We have been where you are at and can talk you down off the ledge. Agreed? Good! Now, look up at your Inbox(1) and open it up. It is a message from me with my telephone number. I will quit with you today Mark. Wayne
Agree with wmcatty. We break this thing down into small bites.... those bites are one day at a time (ODAAT). The past and future ... we don't control them. We can control what we throw in our mouths today.
Worry about staying quit for the duration of today and don't end up on no stinkin cave list today. I know you can do that. I will be there right along with you!
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Welcome aboard Mark. Your reasons and the rationale for quitting are sound, however, I caution you not to make bold statements so early in your quit like "I am here for the duration and won't ever be on any "Cave" list." You see, around here we all live by the motto One Day At A Time. It is a simple way of life. Make today count for you. Protect your quit. Post roll. When the sun rises tomorrow, do it all over again. We dont worry about tomorrow until tomorrow gets here. Enough said on that point.Â
Now, why do we post roll? Because we are all men of honor and making a promise to not use nicotine in any form that day and telling our brothers and sisters about it is our way of communicating that promise to the world...and men of honor keep their promises. Keep your promise and you will never have to worry about being on that Cave list you are already talking about. Right?
Now, get involved in your quit but dont forget to read all you can on this site. You will find that being in the fog will make you go through some physiological changes like you are already experiencing, but will also alter your usually sunny disposition. DO NOT TAKE OUT YOUR ANGER OR FRUSTRATIONS ON YOUR FAMILY! That is what we are here for. When the wife or kids happen to be in the way of your outburts, go outside and call one of us that have sent you a telephone number. We have been where you are at and can talk you down off the ledge. Agreed? Good! Now, look up at your Inbox(1) and open it up. It is a message from me with my telephone number. I will quit with you today Mark. Wayne
Agree with wmcatty. We break this thing down into small bites.... those bites are one day at a time (ODAAT). The past and future ... we don't control them. We can control what we throw in our mouths today.
Worry about staying quit for the duration of today and don't end up on no stinkin cave list today. I know you can do that. I will be there right along with you!
Welcome. Hey, I am the guy in Savannah that is having the quit meet (running thread). Anyway, you have recieved some great advice. Focus on one day at a time and get involved. I see you found your way to the running thread so it seems that you are getting involved. You have also found that how bad it feels to refrain from an addictive drug. Think about that. It can't be good for you if it feels so back to stop can it?
PM if you need some help.
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Week one....check. First road trip (7+ hours) check. Hurt like hell at times but never thought of anything but winning. My first cold turkey and everything I expected. Pain that I have never felt before. But, Feels so good at the end of the day to know I won again though. Writing this so I will always remember what it felt like.
What an ass hole I was to hide and protect this nasty ass habit for so many years. Can't change the past so enough with the beat myself up shit. Time to be a man, strap on the bad ass quit attitude every day and win the war. #slavenomore.
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Week one....check. First road trip (7+ hours) check. Hurt like hell at times but never thought of anything but winning. My first cold turkey and everything I expected. Pain that I have never felt before. But, Feels so good at the end of the day to know I won again though. Writing this so I will always remember what it felt like.
What an ass hole I was to hide and protect this nasty ass habit for so many years. Can't change the past so enough with the beat myself up shit. Time to be a man, strap on the bad ass quit attitude every day and win the war. #slavenomore.
'clap'
make sure you remember this victory and how it feels so you can use it when faced with the worst in the future.
well done
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Embrace the suck St. Patty and vow to never put yourself through it again. And remember, this ain't no "habit" you're kicking. This is a full on addiction, one who doesn't take "no for an answer" very lightly. Keep it up brother.
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Hey St Patrick (its so weird calling you that since I'm Catholic) I'm wondering if you're using any kind of alternative? Something as simple as beef jerky or sunflower seeds can help for those long car rides.
I'm proud of your determination and your victories. I quit with you today.
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Mark, you have a very nice quit intro. I've said it a hundred times. Me or nic. One of us ain't going to make it, and it isn't going to be me. I will survive. I love this about you. Me or it! However, I have to give her credit, she is sly, attacks when your weak and also when your strong. She likes to congratulate you and make you feel invincible, at the same time dogs you as weak. You must never let your guard down. You must be quit for you because everyone else will let you down and nic will pounce. I'm putting money on your quit, you can do this. Keep the faith. You need a number, I'm available.
Mogul
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Mark, you have a very nice quit intro. I've said it a hundred times. Me or nic. One of us ain't going to make it, and it isn't going to be me. I will survive. I love this about you. Me or it! However, I have to give her credit, she is sly, attacks when your weak and also when your strong. She likes to congratulate you and make you feel invincible, at the same time dogs you as weak. You must never let your guard down. You must be quit for you because everyone else will let you down and nic will pounce. I'm putting money on your quit, you can do this. Keep the faith. You need a number, I'm available.
Mogul
Damn right, and she's patient. She will try to wear us down by waiting, congratulating, and waiting more. Know she's always at the door, know it's the devil knocking, waiting for you to let your guard down. Don't ever do it. I hate you nic, proud to be quit with you today St Patrick.
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Seemed like an appropriate weekend to post on your intro. Glad to see your second verse is stronger than your first! Keep strong on what I am guessing is a favorite holiday for you!
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Sorry about that st pat, I almost called you out. Your quit is strong like wood. Keep on keepin on!
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What was going on last weekend that you missed posting roll?
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100 days, CONGRATS!!!
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100 days, CONGRATS!!!
Welcome aboard. Strap on for the next 100 days!
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Nice hundo bro.
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Well done!