KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: seagems on August 17, 2011, 03:44:00 PM
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20 years of kodiak with no break ended twelve days ago for me. A secret can every 2-3 days is over. I've got a wife, four daughters, and basically everything I could have ever reasonably wanted in life except that I couldn't kick the kodiak habit. This secret habit has jeopardized my life and really lowered my self esteem, I think. It has been driving me nuts for a dozen years and I've finally had enough. I'm turning 40 in a couple of days and I promised myself that I will not be chewing into my 40's. I made this type of promise to myself on many prior occasions but never really gave quitting a real try. I think I feel now that starting another decade chewing will mean that chew is definitely the thing that will shorten my life. I don't want to have a short life, I want to have a long life so I can be around for my wife, kids, and their kids. I am also really tired of the secret life and of constantly covering my tracks. I am sure you can all relate, but 12 days ago I could not imagine work, chores, driving, t.v., or taking a crap without having a chew in. Now that I am 12 days in, I am surprised at how fast your body can re-adjust. Not to say that it is easy at all, but I thought the physical urges would be worse. They haven't been so bad and the fogginess didn't last long (it helped that my first 8 days were on vacation). The triggers are hard but I am hopeful that after doing my work, chores, driving, crapping or watching t.v. a few times without the bear, that even the pull of those triggers will lessen. I need to do this so I will be around longer for my family and so that I can be a better husband and father. (I used to actually think that chewing made me a better husband because I would encourage my wife to go out with her friends or take a break from the kids just so that I could secretly chew - all of her friends think I am such a great guy for giving her those breaks, but the truth is that I just wanted to sneak chews. Talk about a fraud). Without chew so far, every day I am feeling better about myself as a person and every day I feel the urges a little less. I hope this trend continues and I appreciate the support of this site. I know this is all or nothing.
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Great Choice!
Post roll with November and make your promise--read everything on this site and educate yourself.
Pm me if you need anything
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I see you posted roll. Nice.
You will find that you will have a lot in common with some particular quitters on this site; it sorda works that way with sheer numbers of quitters we have. Well, you just met one. Me. I read your story. Check, check, check. Very similar. You need to read my HOF speech. Link at the end of this post. If my HOF speech resonates with you give me a PM. We can even chat.
The good new is this. Our stories are similar and I am quit. 250 days today. You can do this if I can do this. You can count on me if you need help.
Advice
1. Post roll everyday.
2. Focus on today. Not tomorrow, next week, next month. Today only.
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I see you posted roll. Nice.Â
You will find that you will have a lot in common with some particular quitters on this site; it sorda works that way with sheer numbers of quitters we have. Well, you just met one. Me. I read your story. Check, check, check. Very similar. You need to read my HOF speech. Link at the end of this post. If my HOF speech resonates with you give me a PM. We can even chat.
The good new is this. Our stories are similar and I am quit. 250 days today. You can do this if I can do this. You can count on me if you need help.
Advice
1. Post roll everyday.
2. Focus on today. Not tomorrow, next week, next month. Today only.
Thanks to both of you for the good advice. Taking it a day at a time seems like it will be really critical. Whenever I think about forever, I get the serious urges and have a hard time dealing with the quit. When I just think about today, I know I can do that.
It is so strange. I used to think I needed nic to be able to concentrate and get things done. Now that the fog is lifting I am realizing that I am more clear-headed now than I was on nic. I think this is because when I was chewing and had to concentrate, I couldn't concentrate if I didn't have a chew in because I was in withdrawal. Now I am beginning to feel like I can concentrate all the time, not just the times when I have a chew in. It is so ironic, nic was actually inhibiting my performance at work, etc. all the while I thought that my performance would fall apart if I didn't have it.
Thanks for all of your support. I will post roll for day 13 tomorrow and take it one day at a time from there. I know it won't be easy, but I sure feel like a different person now than I was at any previous time over the last 20 years.
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Looks like you've got a healthy outlook on your quit. I second the advice to take it one day at a time. I an 89 days in and the other day I was talking to my wife about the quit (she is thrilled) and she asked me if I was quit for good or just for a while. That was the first time it hit me that my intent was that May 22, 2011 was the last dip I would ever have (no great loss by the way). Up until then I was focused on one day at a time. I got up just saying "Not today". Congratulations. The first 12 days are the hardest.
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Hello Seagems: This is going to be tough, but based on what I read you can do it. This morning is day 93 for me and I cannot believe where I am today. I quit with you today my brother and you can PM me if you need anything. I was hiding for a longtime myself. I have attached my intro from just over three months ago, so you know you're not alone:
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Today, May 19, 2011 I quit. I have been a plagued addict for longer than I care to admit. I started chewing Skoal Mint on May 4, 1998, my first day in the field as a reserve deputy sheriff. I thought I had it under control, as most cops think they do... a little pinch here and a little pinch there. For the first few years, it took me a week or more to go through a can, as I did not chew at home, only when I was at work.
Things changed slowly and I started chewing at home. As I moved through different relationships, so did my ability to tell the truth about my chewing. All of the women I dated hated that I chewed, so I kept it from them and dipped in secret. Sometimes all I could think about was getting to dip, once my girlfriend was asleep. I was fooling myself.
I have since moved past that and my girlfriend of the past five years knows I chew and she never says anything. She's not my mom and expects me to be responsible for my own actions. I know she does not like it, but I'm a grown ass man and I "Should" know better.
I am now a sergeant with the sheriff's office where I live and chewing skoal mint has become part of my life up until today. There are at least three deputies on my shift who chew.... dip is never far away, even when you are out.
I have never had any bad dentist visits, but I know it's only a matter of time if I continue.
I have associated throwing in a dip with my response to stressful situations:
Burglary in progress... throw in a dip
Suicide... throw in a dip
Disturbance... throw in a dip
Domestic Violence... throw in a dip
Fight call... throw in a dip
Structure fire... throw in a dip
I just ate a meal... throw in a dip
Reading report... throw in a dip
I having problems with an employee... throw in a dip
I'm tired didn't get much sleep... throw in a dip
At this point "Any excuse related to stress"... throw in a dip
I DON'T WANT THAT ANYMORE!!!!! I want to live and be healthy. I don't want to have to worry about any minute change in my gums, lips or otherwise. I want to stop asking my friends to look at my lip and tell me if they think it looks ok or if they think there's anything cancerous visible. Seriously, I do this and I know I look like a jackass. For some reason it hasn't bothered me enough to quit. My friends and family love me and they all tell me to quit, but I have not listened.
I have trained for more than 13 years to become a police officer and I have been killing myself that entire time with chew. I wear a bullet proof vest, carry a gun, work out, eat lots of mexican food, train to fight, shoot, run, drive fast, etc.... and for what, to just put a cancer causing device in my mouth. I am an idiot and I've known that for a long time. I cannot believe I just let myself chew over and over and over... I must think I am a bullet proof cop. These types of cops often get themselves killed with this type of mentality... but, it's only a little chew right? or so I would tell myself.
I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have tossed my can away (usually was full), only to cave hours or minutes later, finding myself driving to the local store to replace the can I just tossed out.
I cannot go back and change what's happened. I have to accept where I am today and focus on not COP'IN out on my quit. Today, Day 1. I only have 2 1/2 hours until day 2.
That's all I can say now. I am here. I have read lots on this site today and I will need your help. I am weak against the chew. I admit it. I am an addict and slave to can... until today... until today..........
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Post roll and keep up the good quit.
FunnyLatino
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Seagems,
Congrats on the decision to qiut. Thanks for sharing your story. Can't wait for your HOF speech.
Listen the people on this site. They're saving my life 24 hurs at a time.
I am proud to be a quiiter with you today.
whsii
day 7
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Welcome to the site and nice job on the quit.
A couple of things. We do not "try" to quit here. we are quit. There is no try involved.
It is time to come clean with your wife.....it's all part of the recovery process. I was in your same shoes almost 600 days ago and coming clean with Mrs MikeA was one of the best decisions I have made.
Don't believe me about telling your wife...see this thread
index.php?showtopic=5005 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showtopic=5005)
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Thanks for all of the support. I feel so lucky to have found this site. Tommorrow I post day 27, which was unthinkable for me at any time during the last 20 years. In 20 years I doubt I took a combined 27 days off of nicotine, let alone 27 consecutive days. 27 days without nicotine and I already feel better about myself physically and mentally. I had my 40 year-old check up today and the doctor said all is good. That sure feels good, even if the prostate check did not feel good. My goal is to keep the good health check-ups coming so I can live a long life and see my four young daughters one day turn into old ladies themselves. Chewing is not part of that picture. Posting roll with all of you and quitting with November is part of that picture. Thanks again.
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Thanks for all of the support. I feel so lucky to have found this site. Tommorrow I post day 27, which was unthinkable for me at any time during the last 20 years. In 20 years I doubt I took a combined 27 days off of nicotine, let alone 27 consecutive days. 27 days without nicotine and I already feel better about myself physically and mentally. I had my 40 year-old check up today and the doctor said all is good. That sure feels good, even if the prostate check did not feel good. My goal is to keep the good health check-ups coming so I can live a long life and see my four young daughters one day turn into old ladies themselves. Chewing is not part of that picture. Posting roll with all of you and quitting with November is part of that picture. Thanks again.
Great job on 27 days Seagems. I bet that was a huge relief getting the clean pass of health from the doctor. It was also hard for me to think that I could quit when I was a chewer. Nicotine had me so messed up, I could not imagine doing my normal activities without it.
It has now became so clear how that was all lies. I now can not imagine myself ever using that trash again.
Proud to quit with you.
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That sure feels good, even if the prostate check did not feel good.
Do like I did; find yourself a pretty blonde female doctor to do those exams. If anyone's going to be sticking anything up there, she's going to be attractive so I can enjoy it. 'crackup'
Keep up the good work! 'archer'
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Thanks for all of the support. I feel so lucky to have found this site. Tommorrow I post day 27, which was unthinkable for me at any time during the last 20 years. In 20 years I doubt I took a combined 27 days off of nicotine, let alone 27 consecutive days. 27 days without nicotine and I already feel better about myself physically and mentally. I had my 40 year-old check up today and the doctor said all is good. That sure feels good, even if the prostate check did not feel good. My goal is to keep the good health check-ups coming so I can live a long life and see my four young daughters one day turn into old ladies themselves. Chewing is not part of that picture. Posting roll with all of you and quitting with November is part of that picture. Thanks again.
SOLID motivation right there - keep it up!
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Freedom is the shit. Great job. See you on day 27.
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Two and a half weeks ago my wife surprised me for my 40th birthday with a trip to NYC with my brother-in-law to see the US Open (the trip was this past weekend). My brother-in-law chews a lot. At the time I received the gift, I was nervous as hell about the weekend because of the chew temptations I thought I would encounter. To my surprise, by the time the weekend got here and I was in NYC, I didn't feel much temptation at all. I just posted roll each day and took it one day at a time. I never would have expected it to go down the way it did, the pre-quit me would never have thought I could enjoy that trip without the kodiak. Even two and a half weeks ago I thought it would be torture. I was so wrong. I barely even thought about it, even when it was around me constantly - sometimes I was even alone in the room with it. To all of you that are in the early stages of quit or thinking about quitting, know that it does get easier. Just keep taking it one day at a time. I am on day 32 and already feeling the pull of the nic triggers so much less and less.
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Two and a half weeks ago my wife surprised me for my 40th birthday with a trip to NYC with my brother-in-law to see the US Open (the trip was this past weekend). My brother-in-law chews a lot. At the time I received the gift, I was nervous as hell about the weekend because of the chew temptations I thought I would encounter. To my surprise, by the time the weekend got here and I was in NYC, I didn't feel much temptation at all. I just posted roll each day and took it one day at a time. I never would have expected it to go down the way it did, the pre-quit me would never have thought I could enjoy that trip without the kodiak. Even two and a half weeks ago I thought it would be torture. I was so wrong. I barely even thought about it, even when it was around me constantly - sometimes I was even alone in the room with it. To all of you that are in the early stages of quit or thinking about quitting, know that it does get easier. Just keep taking it one day at a time. I am on day 32 and already feeling the pull of the nic triggers so much less and less.
Right on! Life without dip is BETTER...better than we imagined it would be, better than it was with dip, just plain better.
Thanks for sharing that.
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Two and a half weeks ago my wife surprised me for my 40th birthday with a trip to NYC with my brother-in-law to see the US Open (the trip was this past weekend). My brother-in-law chews a lot. At the time I received the gift, I was nervous as hell about the weekend because of the chew temptations I thought I would encounter. To my surprise, by the time the weekend got here and I was in NYC, I didn't feel much temptation at all. I just posted roll each day and took it one day at a time. I never would have expected it to go down the way it did, the pre-quit me would never have thought I could enjoy that trip without the kodiak. Even two and a half weeks ago I thought it would be torture. I was so wrong. I barely even thought about it, even when it was around me constantly - sometimes I was even alone in the room with it. To all of you that are in the early stages of quit or thinking about quitting, know that it does get easier. Just keep taking it one day at a time. I am on day 32 and already feeling the pull of the nic triggers so much less and less.
Good job kicking ass and taking names with your quit. Well done.
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Two and a half weeks ago my wife surprised me for my 40th birthday with a trip to NYC with my brother-in-law to see the US Open (the trip was this past weekend). My brother-in-law chews a lot. At the time I received the gift, I was nervous as hell about the weekend because of the chew temptations I thought I would encounter. To my surprise, by the time the weekend got here and I was in NYC, I didn't feel much temptation at all. I just posted roll each day and took it one day at a time. I never would have expected it to go down the way it did, the pre-quit me would never have thought I could enjoy that trip without the kodiak. Even two and a half weeks ago I thought it would be torture. I was so wrong. I barely even thought about it, even when it was around me constantly - sometimes I was even alone in the room with it. To all of you that are in the early stages of quit or thinking about quitting, know that it does get easier. Just keep taking it one day at a time. I am on day 32 and already feeling the pull of the nic triggers so much less and less.
Glad to be quit with you. My best friend quit about a year prior to me, and I never understood how he was strong enough to not give in when he was around my sorry nic using self. As you stated though it is getting easier and easier, and I now understand how my friend was able to resist. Its a mindset, and today I told my mind that Im not using.
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20 years of kodiak with no break ended twelve days ago for me. A secret can every 2-3 days is over. I've got a wife, four daughters, and basically everything I could have ever reasonably wanted in life except that I couldn't kick the kodiak habit. This secret habit has jeopardized my life and really lowered my self esteem, I think. It has been driving me nuts for a dozen years and I've finally had enough. I'm turning 40 in a couple of days and I promised myself that I will not be chewing into my 40's. I made this type of promise to myself on many prior occasions but never really gave quitting a real try. I think I feel now that starting another decade chewing will mean that chew is definitely the thing that will shorten my life. I don't want to have a short life, I want to have a long life so I can be around for my wife, kids, and their kids. I am also really tired of the secret life and of constantly covering my tracks. I am sure you can all relate, but 12 days ago I could not imagine work, chores, driving, t.v., or taking a crap without having a chew in. Now that I am 12 days in, I am surprised at how fast your body can re-adjust. Not to say that it is easy at all, but I thought the physical urges would be worse. They haven't been so bad and the fogginess didn't last long (it helped that my first 8 days were on vacation). The triggers are hard but I am hopeful that after doing my work, chores, driving, crapping or watching t.v. a few times without the bear, that even the pull of those triggers will lessen. I need to do this so I will be around longer for my family and so that I can be a better husband and father. (I used to actually think that chewing made me a better husband because I would encourage my wife to go out with her friends or take a break from the kids just so that I could secretly chew - all of her friends think I am such a great guy for giving her those breaks, but the truth is that I just wanted to sneak chews. Talk about a fraud). Without chew so far, every day I am feeling better about myself as a person and every day I feel the urges a little less. I hope this trend continues and I appreciate the support of this site. I know this is all or nothing.
I just re-read my first KTC post (above). 384 days into it and I know I couldn't have done it without the support of this site. I am damn proud of this accomplishment. For all of you newbies, just take it a day at a time, but don't give up. You've made a great decision to quit.
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20 years of kodiak with no break ended twelve days ago for me. A secret can every 2-3 days is over. I've got a wife, four daughters, and basically everything I could have ever reasonably wanted in life except that I couldn't kick the kodiak habit. This secret habit has jeopardized my life and really lowered my self esteem, I think. It has been driving me nuts for a dozen years and I've finally had enough. I'm turning 40 in a couple of days and I promised myself that I will not be chewing into my 40's. I made this type of promise to myself on many prior occasions but never really gave quitting a real try. I think I feel now that starting another decade chewing will mean that chew is definitely the thing that will shorten my life. I don't want to have a short life, I want to have a long life so I can be around for my wife, kids, and their kids. I am also really tired of the secret life and of constantly covering my tracks. I am sure you can all relate, but 12 days ago I could not imagine work, chores, driving, t.v., or taking a crap without having a chew in. Now that I am 12 days in, I am surprised at how fast your body can re-adjust. Not to say that it is easy at all, but I thought the physical urges would be worse. They haven't been so bad and the fogginess didn't last long (it helped that my first 8 days were on vacation). The triggers are hard but I am hopeful that after doing my work, chores, driving, crapping or watching t.v. a few times without the bear, that even the pull of those triggers will lessen. I need to do this so I will be around longer for my family and so that I can be a better husband and father. (I used to actually think that chewing made me a better husband because I would encourage my wife to go out with her friends or take a break from the kids just so that I could secretly chew - all of her friends think I am such a great guy for giving her those breaks, but the truth is that I just wanted to sneak chews. Talk about a fraud). Without chew so far, every day I am feeling better about myself as a person and every day I feel the urges a little less. I hope this trend continues and I appreciate the support of this site. I know this is all or nothing.
I just re-read my first KTC post (above). 384 days into it and I know I couldn't have done it without the support of this site. I am damn proud of this accomplishment. For all of you newbies, just take it a day at a time, but don't give up. You've made a great decision to quit.
:rolleyes:
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20 years of kodiak with no break ended twelve days ago for me. A secret can every 2-3 days is over. I've got a wife, four daughters, and basically everything I could have ever reasonably wanted in life except that I couldn't kick the kodiak habit. This secret habit has jeopardized my life and really lowered my self esteem, I think. It has been driving me nuts for a dozen years and I've finally had enough. I'm turning 40 in a couple of days and I promised myself that I will not be chewing into my 40's. I made this type of promise to myself on many prior occasions but never really gave quitting a real try. I think I feel now that starting another decade chewing will mean that chew is definitely the thing that will shorten my life. I don't want to have a short life, I want to have a long life so I can be around for my wife, kids, and their kids. I am also really tired of the secret life and of constantly covering my tracks. I am sure you can all relate, but 12 days ago I could not imagine work, chores, driving, t.v., or taking a crap without having a chew in. Now that I am 12 days in, I am surprised at how fast your body can re-adjust. Not to say that it is easy at all, but I thought the physical urges would be worse. They haven't been so bad and the fogginess didn't last long (it helped that my first 8 days were on vacation). The triggers are hard but I am hopeful that after doing my work, chores, driving, crapping or watching t.v. a few times without the bear, that even the pull of those triggers will lessen. I need to do this so I will be around longer for my family and so that I can be a better husband and father. (I used to actually think that chewing made me a better husband because I would encourage my wife to go out with her friends or take a break from the kids just so that I could secretly chew - all of her friends think I am such a great guy for giving her those breaks, but the truth is that I just wanted to sneak chews. Talk about a fraud). Without chew so far, every day I am feeling better about myself as a person and every day I feel the urges a little less. I hope this trend continues and I appreciate the support of this site. I know this is all or nothing.
I just re-read my first KTC post (above). 384 days into it and I know I couldn't have done it without the support of this site. I am damn proud of this accomplishment. For all of you newbies, just take it a day at a time, but don't give up. You've made a great decision to quit.
:rolleyes:
'archer'
cool post.
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20 years of kodiak with no break ended twelve days ago for me. A secret can every 2-3 days is over. I've got a wife, four daughters, and basically everything I could have ever reasonably wanted in life except that I couldn't kick the kodiak habit. This secret habit has jeopardized my life and really lowered my self esteem, I think. It has been driving me nuts for a dozen years and I've finally had enough. I'm turning 40 in a couple of days and I promised myself that I will not be chewing into my 40's. I made this type of promise to myself on many prior occasions but never really gave quitting a real try. I think I feel now that starting another decade chewing will mean that chew is definitely the thing that will shorten my life. I don't want to have a short life, I want to have a long life so I can be around for my wife, kids, and their kids. I am also really tired of the secret life and of constantly covering my tracks. I am sure you can all relate, but 12 days ago I could not imagine work, chores, driving, t.v., or taking a crap without having a chew in. Now that I am 12 days in, I am surprised at how fast your body can re-adjust. Not to say that it is easy at all, but I thought the physical urges would be worse. They haven't been so bad and the fogginess didn't last long (it helped that my first 8 days were on vacation). The triggers are hard but I am hopeful that after doing my work, chores, driving, crapping or watching t.v. a few times without the bear, that even the pull of those triggers will lessen. I need to do this so I will be around longer for my family and so that I can be a better husband and father. (I used to actually think that chewing made me a better husband because I would encourage my wife to go out with her friends or take a break from the kids just so that I could secretly chew - all of her friends think I am such a great guy for giving her those breaks, but the truth is that I just wanted to sneak chews. Talk about a fraud). Without chew so far, every day I am feeling better about myself as a person and every day I feel the urges a little less. I hope this trend continues and I appreciate the support of this site. I know this is all or nothing.
I just re-read my first KTC post (above). 384 days into it and I know I couldn't have done it without the support of this site. I am damn proud of this accomplishment. For all of you newbies, just take it a day at a time, but don't give up. You've made a great decision to quit.
:rolleyes:
'archer'
cool post.
yes, cool post.. I read the whole thing before i new it was old. well done..I told myself the same thing quit by 40. well here I am 44, but It got 19 freekin days now and feelin good...well better than yesterday.. lol
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20 years of kodiak with no break ended twelve days ago for me. A secret can every 2-3 days is over. I've got a wife, four daughters, and basically everything I could have ever reasonably wanted in life except that I couldn't kick the kodiak habit. This secret habit has jeopardized my life and really lowered my self esteem, I think. It has been driving me nuts for a dozen years and I've finally had enough. I'm turning 40 in a couple of days and I promised myself that I will not be chewing into my 40's. I made this type of promise to myself on many prior occasions but never really gave quitting a real try. I think I feel now that starting another decade chewing will mean that chew is definitely the thing that will shorten my life. I don't want to have a short life, I want to have a long life so I can be around for my wife, kids, and their kids. I am also really tired of the secret life and of constantly covering my tracks. I am sure you can all relate, but 12 days ago I could not imagine work, chores, driving, t.v., or taking a crap without having a chew in. Now that I am 12 days in, I am surprised at how fast your body can re-adjust. Not to say that it is easy at all, but I thought the physical urges would be worse. They haven't been so bad and the fogginess didn't last long (it helped that my first 8 days were on vacation). The triggers are hard but I am hopeful that after doing my work, chores, driving, crapping or watching t.v. a few times without the bear, that even the pull of those triggers will lessen. I need to do this so I will be around longer for my family and so that I can be a better husband and father. (I used to actually think that chewing made me a better husband because I would encourage my wife to go out with her friends or take a break from the kids just so that I could secretly chew - all of her friends think I am such a great guy for giving her those breaks, but the truth is that I just wanted to sneak chews. Talk about a fraud). Without chew so far, every day I am feeling better about myself as a person and every day I feel the urges a little less. I hope this trend continues and I appreciate the support of this site. I know this is all or nothing.
I just re-read my first KTC post (above). 384 days into it and I know I couldn't have done it without the support of this site. I am damn proud of this accomplishment. For all of you newbies, just take it a day at a time, but don't give up. You've made a great decision to quit.
:rolleyes:
'archer'
cool post.
yes, cool post.. I read the whole thing before i new it was old. well done..I told myself the same thing quit by 40. well here I am 44, but It got 19 freekin days now and feelin good...well better than yesterday.. lol
Thank you I needed that tonight!
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You've got this fellas, just take it one day at a time. It only gets easier. Your future self will thank you. Your wives and kids and grandkids will thank you.