It just happened to hit me real hard one day. I had wanted to quit, but I kept going back to the same old idea that I am young and I won't get cancer. Then I started getting paranoid checking my mouth every few hours for white sores. Any time I felt a pain I would get very cautious. I was the true epitome of a hypochondriac.
My fiance had caught me a couple times before. I knew that I had to quit, but I couldn't. I lied to her for a whole year straight and would dip anytime I could get away from her. I would go to work early, and come home late to get overtime when I was really catering to my addiction. I finally came clean to her about the lies and about my routine a couple of days ago. My mother was an alcoholic and my grandparents both died from lung cancer . You could say addiction runs in the family, but it is going to stop with me.
I know the next few weeks are going to be some of the hardest days to endure. It's hard to focus on my job already. I can't take this shit anymore though. The paranoia, the money I spend, faltering relationships, and the possibility of death are just not worth it. I need to stop myself before I lose it. I thought I was invincible, but I know I am not. I need to fix this shit and I won't stop until it's done.
I know I have said it already, but thanks for all the encouragement. I will nip this in the butt. I figure it might be better to get advice from you all who have more experience, because you've been through it. I'm quit for good for the rest of my life.
