Hello, gentlemen, my name is Marc, I'm a pilot at a major US airline. Found this site a few weeks ago and decided to officially join up today. I have always been a "part-time" dipper - but I'm thinking there isn't really such a thing. I generally have had one to two cans per week tops, and only while on the road. Always attributed my crankiness on returning home to lack of sleep with the job I do, but had a friend who quit tell me I was likely putting myself through withdrawal every week. Anxiety, sleeplessness, rapid heartbeat, irritability with the wife and kids for the first couple days when I am at home are amongst my symptoms. Also that thinking "fog" you guys describe in here is pretty constant - I always thought it was the lack of sleep - or just getting old! - but sounds like it's maybe the nicotine too. As soon as I get back to work and sit down in the jet I am craving that dip like nobody's business. I've been in this cycle for just over 20 years. I've never really dipped at home on my off days at all, except maybe when doing construction related projects. I've tried to quit cold turkey twice in the past. Last attempt was seven years ago when I turned 40. Just turned 47 a few weeks ago. I am thinking I have been wasting a lot of years in a constant state of withdrawal symptoms with this stupid weekly on and off cycle.
I justified the way my addiction has existed because I'm not doing the amounts that I read about online, I always told myself (and my wife) that you had to be around that can a day threshold to be considered an addict. I guess I never built up the tolerance and needed larger amounts because of the constant on and then off weekly nature of my addiction, which in turn fed the belief that "I'm not really addicted". Besides, I could quit cold turkey every week when I got home, right? Not so much since I still want it every time I show up at work.
I feel somewhat guilty being on here with what I perceive to be a "small" addiction or a "situational" addiction - I mean no disrespect or to belittle the challenge facing those of you who are fighting that can a day - but for whatever reason I am still in this cycle after 20 years and want to be out of it. I am an avid exerciser, and lately I feel like my heart is gong to beat out of my chest whenever I get into a serious workout. I'm sick of being angry at the wife and kids when I get home, and I am sick of not sleeping right - both on the road and at home. I'm sick of headaches, and that strung out feeling after six dips at two in the morning. That brings me to another one of my justifications actually - that "it works better than coffee" for me because I am somewhat sensitive to caffeine (which I've read you guys saying in here is also related to quitting the dip and perhaps part of my weekly cycle). I've told myself (and others) for years that the reason I do it is I can be awake operating the jet and then able to fall asleep easier once I reach the hotel.
Thanks for taking the time to read my intro. Right now I am sitting in a hotel room wondering how sitting down in that cockpit this afternoon is going to go without the dip to put in. It's in the trash can next to me calling my name, I am going to start by throwing it away somewhere less accessible. Does anyone else have a strong situational association with dipping, and how do you handle it?
Thanks in advance for your support, everyone!