Today is my quit day. It is not the first time that I have thrown out plenty of remaining chew in frustration, anger, confidence, and remorse. However, this time it is personal. I have reason to believe that severe damage has been done by my habit, and now that I am looking into the pit on Mt Doom I realize how strongly don't want to take the plunge. I have stopped before, sometimes for long stretches (6-12 months), sometimes for shorter stints (3-100 days). Every time I let my guard down I find myself back on this horrible shyte without really knowing how I got there. I have always been very embarrassed and ashamed of my habit, hiding it from my friends, co-workers, and wife; all the while I am dying slowly, both from the poison and from the helpless feeling of trying to tread water in a squall. Recently I have promised myself quit dates but have not held on and I think it is because I have not made myself accountable. I am ready to be done and so I am here- to make myself known as a tobacco addict and one that hates himself for it and one that is asking for help. I just hope (and, even as an atheist, pray) that I haven't done any lasting damage to myself- I am so very scared that I already have. Reading other peoples stories is inspiring and scary. And if the tears landing on my desktop are any indication, now that it's personal this will finally stick.
I am doing this for my father, my mother, my wife, my dog, my friends, but most importantly for me!
