Most people reading this will assume I will be an automatic failure because I didnt amp myself up to quit for months on end and finally decided to make the big calculated push to quit. I am not writing this to convince you anyway, but to always have this here to go back to and read when I hit a trigger or craving. It's embarrassing what my reasons are, but added public humiliation by posting this is just another weapon I will have in my fight to never touch this crap again. I am 29, dipped since playing baseball in Little League. I used to see it as a waste when someone bummed a dip off me and took a bigger pinch than I did but then spit it out only 20 minutes later. If I wasnt eating or sleeping (sometimes sleeping actually haha) I was dipping. I stayed dehydrated almost my entire life, I always felt foggy, my memory is terrible and my teeth are yellow.
I forgot to buy some dip before going to work yesterday. And since I am trying to better myself with just starting P90X and quit social smoking (I'd smoke like a pack of cig's every week) I decided to use this as an opportunity to say the hell with it and take my life into my own hands. But I LOVE dipping. Oh man I love it! But its just leaves from a plant and no decent girl out there truly wants their significant other putting that nasty stuff in their mouth. I found that out when I kissed a girl who just smoked a ciggerete last month and I couldnt believe how horrible it was! That alone was the crowning point of why I quit smoking. I can only imagine what Skoal Mint aftertaste tastes like when I thought a simple swig and spit of water or soda did the trick before of hiding what had just been in my mouth. I honestly think I'd vomit everywhere if I ran into that scenario!
IT IS A DISGUSTING HABIT!!! And I had no idea how far gone I was until these past two days of withdrawals. Ironically, I am not clawing to open a can just yet even though I crave it a little, I think I'm just more foggy and nauseous to even want to go back to what it was that made me feel this way if I didnt man up and leave it. My torso has been very tight and tingly feeling. I had to pump out crunches throughout the day to make it somehow feel better. I'm sick to my stomach and have no appetite and missed my first and hopefully only day of my workout (Im 25 days into it). My drive level right now is -00000000.
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To myself if I am reading this in the future and and am about to put in a pinch because you know I loved it most while playing around on the internet and playing games. STOP YOU SONAVA B***H!!!! You have survived much harder obstacles before and will not go back to putting that crap in your mouth and making some greedy prick richer off your hard earned money feeding your pathetic little addiction. Be a man and throw it away and go grab a beer and call some friends.
