LetÂ’s see day 323 I think. Almost a year. So much to reflect on. I thought quitting would be an easy task I thought I could throw away all tins and think this is it IÂ’m done with you and never look back. I read on here where someone was talking about the fuck itÂ’s. Well lately I feel like I have the fuck itÂ’s. I donÂ’t know how else to explain it. I just want to feel better. I have had 7 root canals in a year time frame. One had to be pulled and 2 of the teeth this guy did are showing infections again. So I need two more. Maybe this guy didnÂ’t do such a great job. So I started going to this other specialist for help. HeÂ’s done a few other teeth and is going to hopefully fix up these other ones. But damn. IÂ’m so tired of this. My neck head jaw teeth all still hurt like day one and sometimes I find myself in a dark hole and I keep thinking about nicotine. If I just do one then all this pain and suffering that I have been experiencing will just go away. I know this isnÂ’t realistic but my addiction side says to just go back to it and that I will feel better. Screw you chew for making me feel this way. The anxiety from quitting and dealing with all this health crap has been immeasurable. My mind races and travels to worst case scenarios. I went to the e r 3 times this year. What the hell is wrong with me. I think the thing that bothered me most of all was having to have a tooth pulled out. Being a female and all I just feel so down and not lady like. IÂ’m just so tired of being in pain every day. I find myself asking why did I quit. Why didnÂ’t I wait until I got fixed up to quit. Why does life suck more when I quit. I thought I was improving. I thought quitting would be the best thing I could do for myself health wise but I just donÂ’t feel healthy. IÂ’m always wondering why do I have to hurt all the time. I thought quitting would bring better things into my life. This is addict talk. IÂ’m writing this down because no matter if I use or not these things in my life would not change. IÂ’m an addict and right now I feel like shit and want to say fuck it. I want to feel good and elated and anything other than this pain but hell no im not caving. IÂ’m stronger than that. Hopefully when IÂ’m at a year quit I will have a more positive attitude and things will start looking up.
Ruby, I feel your pain, I do. But you know that nicotine does not have the power to make anything better. Nothing. It cannot undo any of your teeth issues...it would only make it worse. I think there are a lot of us who have felt like you are feeling.
You are going to probably keep going through some funk periods. Hell, I have been in one lately and I am on day 541. I just hold tight to the hope that the funks will eventually just stop happening at some point. If Wildirish's PAW link is right, it will probably be past the 2 year mark but I suspect everyone is different.
Just hold on, girl, being quit IS the right thing. YOU KNOW THIS, Let's push through this, okay?
