I meant to keep a running journal of how this went, but let's get back on track...
Day1, surprisingly nothing like what I expected. Without warning, after reading more posts here, at 1:08pm, 12/4/17, I threw it out, and made my first post that I was quitting. I instantly got nervous/anxious, as I stood in the restroom, at work, and heard my Copenhagen pouches falling into the trashcan...
I kept thinking, "what am I doing", "that was money, I just dumped out money, should I have finished the cans I have?". I walked out of the restroom, thinking, I've already quit, for today, this is done.
The rest of day1 wasn't anything too bad, just odd, as in, I kept feeling odd since I did not have a dip in, but nothing unmanageable. I had a difficult time sleeping, which sucked, since that was even more time I had to be awake, thinking, I should have a dip in, but finally sleep took me.
Day2: My first full work day without any NIC
I have Grinds, black coffee flavor, as my Copenhagen pouch replacement currently. As a side note, they are ok, they taste sort of like a cheap coffee, I don't really notice any energy from the caffine, and the pouches are noticeably smaller, than Copenhagen pouches, so they don't quite fit right. But I'm cranky, so I'm sure these things are fine, my mind just dislikes them, since I'm not getting any NIC from them.
Moving on, Day2 was ok, but I began to realize I was reacting more quick to anger/irritation. As a person who probably only drinks 1-2 liters a day of water, I've started drinking 3-5, to help flush out the nicotine.
My employees began to notice my shorter fuze, and started politely teasing me about it, which continued until at some point my reaction was a bit... blunt, so we opted to lay off the teasing for the rest of the day.
At this point, still doing what I would consider good, it wasn't like I was on the floor trembling in withdrawal or anything.
Going home was a difficult time, which I noticed started on Day2. I felt like the sole reason I was at home, was to eat something, keep drinking water/cranberry juice, and tap my foot, waiting until I could get in bed, to hopefully go to sleep. Because if I am asleep, then I am not doing anything I used to dip during, and I cannot be thinking about the fact I basicly feel like shit.
Day3, the 0 NIC 48hr Milestone
Well, nothing spectacular happened today, except I began doing more thinking, about my reasoning behind quitting. It isn't health related, which I'm sure it should be, but it is completely a financial driven decision.
In short, I am switching from a Bluecross individual insurance plan, at $1070 a month, to Liberty Health Share, costing around $400 a month, since it is a medical sharing program, tobacco is not permitted, after the first 6 months, hence my incentive for quitting.
I spent time thinking today, why is it the finance that drives me, not some thought of health, or shame, etc, but I just cannot come up with a conclusion. I've never been a ninja dipper, and the only place in the world where I am covert about the fact I am dipping would be church, other than that, it was not a secret or anything I "hid".
For now, I decided to stop this line of questioning, since I was coming up with nothing except for the money motive.
At 1:08pm, on Day3 I hit 48 hours without nicotine in being put in my body, for the first time in 12 years.
I was pretty foggy, and pretty cranky, but still seemed manageable.
I was frustrated at home, that evening, again, I felt like I was simply sitting around waiting for bed, because otherwise I would be thinking about my Copenhagen.
Gaming, nope, I dip while gaming.
Washing dishes, nope, dip during that too.
Listening to audiobooks, more dip...
Reading books to my daughter, nope, had a dip in for that too... and on and on...
So it became bedtime, and Nyquil helped me go fast to sleep.
Day4: the Big 72HR
I've not reached the 72hr yet, as of this writing, but it is right around the corner, and I actually am pretty excited! Even though my current motivation is financial, I am a very huge goal oriented person, and this is a great goal.
Today has been very uncomfortable, I've been very pissed, just walking around in a rage fog.
Once my employees arrived at work, I said heads up, I'm really short tempered today, please do your job, and don't jack with me, today is not a good one.
As I mentioned, in my Quitgroup, March DD's, my wife and I work together at our own business... This has been a huge challenge today. I'm not sure what irritation she has today, but the both of us are pretty much on the war path, and it has been a shitty day, thus far.
I've began chewing gum much more frequently, today, and in one way, I find that to be more helpful than does the Grind pouches... But, then the pouches still fill the void of something sitting behind my lip.
Well, I will try and update this daily, as my quit journey continues.
