Guilt and determination.

[srans]

Thank you everyone that has given me support so far. It's been great to have people who don't know me or see me give me their backing on my quit. Today is day four, and the first Friday of my quit. I've read some of the words of wisdom posts and I've listened to wmcatty and I will be protecting my quit by staying home, working on some homework, watching a movie or two, and hanging out with my girl friend.

These first few days have been strange to say the least both physiologically and emotionally. Just so I don't forget I am going to write down some of the things I've experienced.

Day 1
My body was in shock. My head was killing me, I couldn't focus, I didn't want to do anything, I was downright irate. I didn't burn any bridges with people I cared about but I had to count my teeth before talking. I kept my tongue busy as well by chewing through an entire bag of cracked pepper sunflower seeds in one day. Ever hear the phrase "nuttier than squirrel shit?" We'll, mine was...

Day2
Another weird day. Same badass headaches, super drowsy. Took a 3 hour nap and still slept all night. I got some herbal chew from wal-mart and went through about half a can of it and another half a bag of chili-lime sunflower seeds.

Day 3
I had a song by Flogging Molly stuck in my head all day because it was so fitting. It's called "The Worst Day Since Yesterday." By far the worst day. Totally foggy. I left my apartment to walk my girlfriend to her car and as I was walking back I couldn't remember how I got to that point. Like ten minutes of my day just went missing. I had to think long and hard ant it. I got pretty down during the day too. I just laid on the couch underneath some blankets and knocked out for another long nap. Woke up, finished the chili-lime seeds, had an herbal, ate some left over lunch, and went to see my grandparents who were visiting.
I remember actually thinking while I was sitting there talking to my grandma that I felt good not thinking about hiding my can of chew from her or my grandpa. I felt liberated to not keep a secret from the people that call me "little boy blue" and "hammerhead." (I'll let you decide which nickname comes from which gram and pap lol).

Day 4-today

I woke up, posted role, and had a miserable headache. My gram and pap came over and took about 3/4 of my living room back home with them so it will be easier to get moved out. I kissed them goodbye and had some pretty sobering thoughts about losing them and about how much they mean to me and how I am not going to let them down. I am quit today

I also realized a pretty cool coincidence today. My HOF day will be August 8, 2013, which happens to be my one year anniversary with my girl friend. Sometimes things happen just right and for a reason :).

Great job dzissman,. You've been kicking the nick bitches ass for the 4 days now. Freedom brother,, that's what it's all about. No more spending your money on something that is killing you. No more late nights with something that doesn't care about you one bit. No more going to the store because your a couple pinches away from being totally out. I quit with you brother.....

[Dzismann72]

Thank you everyone that has given me support so far. It's been great to have people who don't know me or see me give me their backing on my quit. Today is day four, and the first Friday of my quit. I've read some of the words of wisdom posts and I've listened to wmcatty and I will be protecting my quit by staying home, working on some homework, watching a movie or two, and hanging out with my girl friend.

These first few days have been strange to say the least both physiologically and emotionally. Just so I don't forget I am going to write down some of the things I've experienced.

Day 1
My body was in shock. My head was killing me, I couldn't focus, I didn't want to do anything, I was downright irate. I didn't burn any bridges with people I cared about but I had to count my teeth before talking. I kept my tongue busy as well by chewing through an entire bag of cracked pepper sunflower seeds in one day. Ever hear the phrase "nuttier than squirrel shit?" We'll, mine was...

Day2
Another weird day. Same badass headaches, super drowsy. Took a 3 hour nap and still slept all night. I got some herbal chew from wal-mart and went through about half a can of it and another half a bag of chili-lime sunflower seeds.

Day 3
I had a song by Flogging Molly stuck in my head all day because it was so fitting. It's called "The Worst Day Since Yesterday." By far the worst day. Totally foggy. I left my apartment to walk my girlfriend to her car and as I was walking back I couldn't remember how I got to that point. Like ten minutes of my day just went missing. I had to think long and hard ant it. I got pretty down during the day too. I just laid on the couch underneath some blankets and knocked out for another long nap. Woke up, finished the chili-lime seeds, had an herbal, ate some left over lunch, and went to see my grandparents who were visiting.
I remember actually thinking while I was sitting there talking to my grandma that I felt good not thinking about hiding my can of chew from her or my grandpa. I felt liberated to not keep a secret from the people that call me "little boy blue" and "hammerhead." (I'll let you decide which nickname comes from which gram and pap lol).

Day 4-today

I woke up, posted role, and had a miserable headache. My gram and pap came over and took about 3/4 of my living room back home with them so it will be easier to get moved out. I kissed them goodbye and had some pretty sobering thoughts about losing them and about how much they mean to me and how I am not going to let them down. I am quit today

I also realized a pretty cool coincidence today. My HOF day will be August 8, 2013, which happens to be my one year anniversary with my girl friend. Sometimes things happen just right and for a reason :).

[n2chukar]

Hey Doug I sent you my digits as well. Call or text for any reason. This board is a God send. Live Chats generally there if your disparate as well - feel free to unload there at any time.

[Erussell]

Hey saw you made roll yesterday. Don't forget today Brother. I quit with you today!!!

[molliesmaster]

Congrats Doug. Come join us in the August group. Day 4 for me today and ain't turning back. Quit for life.

[wmcatty]

Hey Doug. Congratulations on your decision to improve your body and your life. Check the upper top right of your screen and you will see an "inbox". Open it, as I have sent you my cell number. Store the number and call me when you feel the need to talk to someone or before you feel like going to the store to get a can. This is one of the safe-guard mechanisms we use here to help each other out. You will get alot more numbers from others and you will mentor others as well. Welcome aboard.

[Bean]

Good shit, Doug. Congrats on a great choice. Post roll, keep your word, and do it again. Pretty straight forward stuff, really.

YOU CAN DO THIS, BROTHER!!!

[kkljinc]

Hello everyone. My name is Doug and I have been addicted to chewing tobacco since my second college football camp. It's only been less than three years since my first lip but its not doing anything good for me. I have hid it from my family, rationalized it to my coaches, and lied about it to myself. I'm writing this on the night in between days 2 and 3. When I post roll tomorrow and make it into bed that night I will have tied my previous record for quitting- three days in the middle of football season last fall. I don't want to chew anymore or ever again.

I already have some of the symptoms of withdrawal, but when I think about it, they're nothing I haven't ever dealt with. So I have a headache, no big deal Doug, you've been smacked to shit by linebackers who made it to the league... And you have a little headache? So I feel a little disoriented, no big deal Doug, you've had more concussions than girlfriends (9 and 5 respectively btw)... Don't even think this is disorientation. So I'm edgy, shut up Doug, you've been edgy before games, after games, before seasons, after seasons, in the weight room, in the bedroom, when you fell asleep, when you woke up, and pretty much anytime in between. Edgy is fine, you can handle it.

Men, women, I'm quit for two days, and tomorrow will be three.

Listen to Rad  Evil, there is some serious quit between those two right there! I am quit with you! In the meantime spend some time checking out the site. Jump in the water is fine.

[Evil_Won]

Welcome dude. Listen to Radman. I can back up what he said.

I once "paused" for 28 days then thought I could have "just one". I was back up to 1+ can a day by that night. This time I dreaded reaching the 28th day and feared caving again. It was all mental (but everything is mental, right?) and not worth getting sick over.

Wake up, post roll, keep your word. Take the option to dip off the table for the day. Repeat tomorrow when tomorrow comes.

I don't want to chew anymore or ever again

If you are QUIT, then there is no "don't want". You are QUIT. Want and Don't Want are weak. There is wiggle room and that's all She needs to work her magic. QUIT is the pinnacle of your self pride, respect, and discipline. And "ever again"? Quit for today and today only. Quit for the hour or quarter-hour if you need it, but worry about tomorrow when it comes.

Repeat it often. Scream it out loud when she starts whispering sweet nothings to you. You are QUIT. You don't do that anymore. You can't do it today, not even a tiny taste, because like me, you are an addict. This is a battle every second of every day for the rest of our lives.

Got it?

[Radman]

Welcome, Doug. I have absolutely squat to add about football, but I do know quittting. The bottom line is that you've been through some tough shit in the past. So have I. So has pretty much every quitter on this site. That makes no difference right now. I'm trying to get around to the point that even though that is true, none of that takes as much determination as quitting nicotine. Trying to convince yourself otherwise will lead you to be half-ass prepared. For me, I had to accept the mindset that this addiction is the one and only thing that has beat me repeatedly in my life, so it takes more commitment than anything else. It takes 100% commitment. Every minute, every situation, every relationship...... I am quit before I am anything else. Period. Every person that I know understands that fact. Never again.... for any reason.

You might also want to stop comparing your quit to past failures. That doesn't matter either. The only thing that really matters is that you and I are both quit today. Let's drop by here and discuss it again tomorrow.

[Dzismann72]

Hello everyone. My name is Doug and I have been addicted to chewing tobacco since my second college football camp. It's only been less than three years since my first lip but its not doing anything good for me. I have hid it from my family, rationalized it to my coaches, and lied about it to myself. I'm writing this on the night in between days 2 and 3. When I post roll tomorrow and make it into bed that night I will have tied my previous record for quitting- three days in the middle of football season last fall. I don't want to chew anymore or ever again.

I already have some of the symptoms of withdrawal, but when I think about it, they're nothing I haven't ever dealt with. So I have a headache, no big deal Doug, you've been smacked to shit by linebackers who made it to the league... And you have a little headache? So I feel a little disoriented, no big deal Doug, you've had more concussions than girlfriends (9 and 5 respectively btw)... Don't even think this is disorientation. So I'm edgy, shut up Doug, you've been edgy before games, after games, before seasons, after seasons, in the weight room, in the bedroom, when you fell asleep, when you woke up, and pretty much anytime in between. Edgy is fine, you can handle it.

Men, women, I'm quit for two days, and tomorrow will be three.

[eric71]

Good evening,

Today has been day 18 on my quit. There has been nothing about this experience that I have enjoyed. I've been interrogated by my wife, I have had headaches, backaches, brainfarts, tongueslips, forgotten shit, lost things, and just gernerally fucked up already. I have also spent just a little time reading up on what has worked for other guys and trying to soak up some of their knowledge. WildIrish is the man for information. Go read his stuff on his signature. It is gold.

Anyway, one of the things I learned in reading up is that I need to peel back ay shade of darkness I have left. Basically, I need to come clean so I can take away the first stage of a cave. So allow me to reintroduce myself,

I am an addict. I have been addicted to nicotine by way pf chew since fall of 2009. I have tried to keep it a secret from my family, girlfriends, and loved ones for the entire time. I have been in the longest, most toxic relationship of my life, with dip. I would dip whenever I could get, or make, twenty minutes for myself. When I realized that 20 minutes was a waste on longcut I switched over to pouches. Benefit of pouches: they dn't make the mess, they don't have the same imprint on your face, so you can chew them more often, or reuse them. SO thats what I started to do. I would only chew one, or two pouches a day, but I would chew them All. Day. Until they were white a busted open, then i'd spit it out, tell myself, you don't need one right now, then five minutes later crack the tin. I would chew at work, in the car, in the bathroom, doing yardwork, wherever I could get free. I am an addict, and my actions showed that clearly.

In all the time I have known my wife, I have been a dipper. I have gotten so good at lying about my addiction, covering my tracks, and hiding my actions, that she never even had a clue. 19 days ago she found a reciept in the cupholder of my truck for 5.98. I bought a bottle of water and a can of long cut mint around 9:00pm at a circle K the wek before. Ten minutes after she found the reciept was the first time I called myself an addict. I had said before I have a problem, a habit, I should stop etc. But I never called it an addiction before.

Addiction seemed like such a dirty word. Like something associated with Meth, Heroin, Cocaine, Crack, Pills. Those things are addictions, not chew right? I can buy chew for $5 any time I want, how can that be an addiction?

It's an addicition because it wasn't when I wanted to buy it, it was when I could buy it. When I could squezee 7 extra minutes into a drive to stop for a can. When I could make an excuse to go down the road on lunch break because I was craving. When I could bum one from a buddy until I could get the next one.

You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're reading this, you've been there too. It's what we share. It's the part of the bitch that digs into us. The drive to get one, pack one, toss in, spit out. That feeling is what we all chased.

And it chased us.

It chased me.

It chased me in the morning, before work, at lunch, before football, after football, during football, sitting down, standing in line, running late, falling asleep. The bitch never let up.

And I never really wanted her to.

I would quit, and then go right back.

I would dump my can in the toilet, and then buy two more the next day. I would swear off forever, and then go back on that in an hour. I would say, only one today, and then finish the can. I would say, it's a fishing trip, I can do what I want. I would say, it's just to help me keep the buzz, when I was out with my buddies.

It was never about any of that. It was never for any of those reasons. None of that was true.

I am an addict and I followed the directions of my addicition to give my body the substance it wanted to fill a physiological gap.

I am an addict.

I am an addict in recovery.

I choose not to use tobacco today. As ragey, and foggy, and irrate, and upset, and tired, and hungry, and sleep fucked as I may be, I choose not to use nicotine today.

I SCREAM at my football players all yearlong, do not listen to your body, make yourbody answer to your will.

I am walk the tal and practicing what I preach. Fcuk nicotine. It's not worth it. I've seen the pictures of men with their faces laid oopen. I've read the stories of the battles men have lost. I;ve read the words of families torn apart by an early grave from sores in a cheek. I will not become part of that story. I may be destined for it, but I will not walk willingly into that plot from this point on.

I have tried to quit before and failed. I quit quitting. I was weak, unmotivated, lazy, undisciplined, selfish, stuck up, petty, small, and immature. I was looking for the exit signs the minute I got in the door.

I'm looking for the exit signs again. SO I can bolt the motherfuckers shut. I am quit.

Keep on doing it, brother. Call or text anytime. We don't have to be alone anymore, we have brothers and sisters to watch our back. Never again for any reason, one day at a time. Once you turn into a pickle, you can never go back to being a cucumber. Embrace your addiction, it's just a part of you now. But you don't have to be a slave - that's a choice.

I will remain a skeptic every day since you caved previously. I am encouraged by your words. But, they are just that, words. True merit and integrity is not spoken. It is done in deed. Continue to gather information, contacts, knowledge, and use all of us to strengthen your quit.

[KY_flyboy]

Doesn't it feel great to do what you want when you want to, no Nic schedule, no anxiety, no make sure I have a can, no find a buddy who dips for backup, no looking forward to being alone to dip....

Great intro bud, that anxiety you talk about is what sent me over the edge, to finally say never again. The only difference is that I never had the fortitude to actually try until 60 days ago. I dipped for 18 years (I'm 33). Again great words, proud to be quit with you today.

[Zeno]

Good evening,

Today has been day 18 on my quit. There has been nothing about this experience that I have enjoyed. I've been interrogated by my wife, I have had headaches, backaches, brainfarts, tongueslips, forgotten shit, lost things, and just gernerally fucked up already. I have also spent just a little time reading up on what has worked for other guys and trying to soak up some of their knowledge. WildIrish is the man for information. Go read his stuff on his signature. It is gold.

Anyway, one of the things I learned in reading up is that I need to peel back ay shade of darkness I have left. Basically, I need to come clean so I can take away the first stage of a cave. So allow me to reintroduce myself,

I am an addict. I have been addicted to nicotine by way pf chew since fall of 2009. I have tried to keep it a secret from my family, girlfriends, and loved ones for the entire time. I have been in the longest, most toxic relationship of my life, with dip. I would dip whenever I could get, or make, twenty minutes for myself. When I realized that 20 minutes was a waste on longcut I switched over to pouches. Benefit of pouches: they dn't make the mess, they don't have the same imprint on your face, so you can chew them more often, or reuse them. SO thats what I started to do. I would only chew one, or two pouches a day, but I would chew them All. Day. Until they were white a busted open, then i'd spit it out, tell myself, you don't need one right now, then five minutes later crack the tin. I would chew at work, in the car, in the bathroom, doing yardwork, wherever I could get free. I am an addict, and my actions showed that clearly.

In all the time I have known my wife, I have been a dipper. I have gotten so good at lying about my addiction, covering my tracks, and hiding my actions, that she never even had a clue. 19 days ago she found a reciept in the cupholder of my truck for 5.98. I bought a bottle of water and a can of long cut mint around 9:00pm at a circle K the wek before. Ten minutes after she found the reciept was the first time I called myself an addict. I had said before I have a problem, a habit, I should stop etc. But I never called it an addiction before.

Addiction seemed like such a dirty word. Like something associated with Meth, Heroin, Cocaine, Crack, Pills. Those things are addictions, not chew right? I can buy chew for $5 any time I want, how can that be an addiction?

It's an addicition because it wasn't when I wanted to buy it, it was when I could buy it. When I could squezee 7 extra minutes into a drive to stop for a can. When I could make an excuse to go down the road on lunch break because I was craving. When I could bum one from a buddy until I could get the next one.

You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're reading this, you've been there too. It's what we share. It's the part of the bitch that digs into us. The drive to get one, pack one, toss in, spit out. That feeling is what we all chased.

And it chased us.

It chased me.

It chased me in the morning, before work, at lunch, before football, after football, during football, sitting down, standing in line, running late, falling asleep. The bitch never let up.

And I never really wanted her to.

I would quit, and then go right back.

I would dump my can in the toilet, and then buy two more the next day. I would swear off forever, and then go back on that in an hour. I would say, only one today, and then finish the can. I would say, it's a fishing trip, I can do what I want. I would say, it's just to help me keep the buzz, when I was out with my buddies.

It was never about any of that. It was never for any of those reasons. None of that was true.

I am an addict and I followed the directions of my addicition to give my body the substance it wanted to fill a physiological gap.

I am an addict.

I am an addict in recovery.

I choose not to use tobacco today. As ragey, and foggy, and irrate, and upset, and tired, and hungry, and sleep fucked as I may be, I choose not to use nicotine today.

I SCREAM at my football players all yearlong, do not listen to your body, make yourbody answer to your will.

I am walk the tal and practicing what I preach. Fcuk nicotine. It's not worth it. I've seen the pictures of men with their faces laid oopen. I've read the stories of the battles men have lost. I;ve read the words of families torn apart by an early grave from sores in a cheek. I will not become part of that story. I may be destined for it, but I will not walk willingly into that plot from this point on.

I have tried to quit before and failed. I quit quitting. I was weak, unmotivated, lazy, undisciplined, selfish, stuck up, petty, small, and immature. I was looking for the exit signs the minute I got in the door.

I'm looking for the exit signs again. SO I can bolt the motherfuckers shut. I am quit.

Keep on doing it, brother. Call or text anytime. We don't have to be alone anymore, we have brothers and sisters to watch our back. Never again for any reason, one day at a time. Once you turn into a pickle, you can never go back to being a cucumber. Embrace your addiction, it's just a part of you now. But you don't have to be a slave - that's a choice.

[Law1358]

Good Stuff with your intro!!! You know I'm here with you for anything brother!! Keep fighting the good fight.