18 days tomorrow. Its been rough so far but only because I keep trying to convince myself that my issue is not "as severe" as everyone else's on this forum. That somehow my addiction is more limited and that I am simply overdoing it ... so I can go get a dip. Probably because I have always dipped alone. Silently. Amazing how much time I am putting into distancing myself so that I can go get a dip.
Fuck that ... gotta stay in the game and not talk myself into starting this fucking nightmare up again. I wonder when or if I will ever stop tonging my lip for that feeling. I hate and miss that feeling. Day 17 almost in the book.
"Just got a hug from my little girl ... consider it shared with all of you. She is amazing and transmits such love. I owe it to her and me to live as long as I can."
Remember this shit. I almost passed out at the wheel multiple times today due to anxiety attacks. My 9 yr old son crying when I told him I had been chewing which is worse than smoking helped me get through today. He cried for a long time too. Said he didn't want me to die. That shit made me cry. So when my body is going spaztic it helps me to think of him. People say hes a mini me.
They say you must quit for YOU. But fucking A, our blood runs through our kids veins they ARE US. I have a 7 year old daughter too. Would be nice to walk her down the aisle and pose for some pics with a full jaw and prideful smile.
I dipped kodiak for 15 fucking years and am only 40 days quit but the way i see it, its time to grow the fuck up. Care to join me?
Great thread. I totally identify with PJ's post. I am totally embarrassed now, but I used to conisider myself a "light dipper" because I took small, barely noticeable dips and didn't leave them in as long as some folks I knew...WTF is that?!!! I have no idea how my dumb-ass rationalized that stupid shit, but I think that is just the nicotine mind-fuck. Like I said, I am embarrassed I used to think that.
Also Diesel, my kids were a big inspiration to me too. I was watching the ninth anniversery special about 9-11 "survivors." They showed a little boy who was the same age as my son when the towers came down. He fought tears as he described life without his father...learning to throw a baseball, wrestling with him, etc. His mother talked about how other dads tried to fill in but they couldn't replace his dad. I teared up just watching that family.
His father was killed by absolutely no fault of his own...just a random terrorist attack. And here I was watching this show with tears in my eyes and a fucking dip in my lip!!! That was it...I quit. After 20 years of dipping, I spit it out, hugged my own little man, and fought through 9 days on my own before finding this site. I posted roll and started reading post after inspirational post.
Something could still happen to me, but I'm sure as shit not going to inflict that kind of pain and suffering on my family by my own action.