I started chewing in high school with a friend of mine. We would go see a movie and sneak in some Jack Daniels to put in to our coke. He introduced me to chew during that time (I had no idea what it was). I got such a buzz from it and thought it was great. I knew the horror stories (cancer etc) but figured I had "time" as I hadn't been using it very long.
I continued to do so in college off and on. Fast forward and I am now 12 years out of college. I chewed all the time and the frequency increased as well. By the end I was using a can a day! The money alone I have spent is just depressing to think about.
My now wife initially found my dip in a drawer in my apartment. She was pretty shocked. She knew what it was as her dad is a marine and dips all the time. He dips in public while I dipped in private. No one ever new about it. It was my secret which made it that much worse.
When she initially found it I told her I would stop. We were not living together at the time so it was easy for me to continue...which I did.
We then moved in together six months before our wedding date. She found a can in my laptop bag and there was another blow up. It was probably our biggest fight up to that point. She was hurt that I would hid it from her. I told her I would stop. I did stop but for only about two days.
I then continued to hide it from her for the next three years. And where as before I only dipped in my car (I drive a lot for work) I then began dipping at the house. I would hid a can in my computer bag and sneak a pinch while she was in the bathroom.
About a week ago we had a party at our house and there was a lot of drinking going on. I was pretty buzzed and threw in a pinch while in the bathroom. I left some dip on the bathroom counter and she found it that night. She asked me if I was still dipping and at first I denied it. Lied to her again! Then I confessed and we had a huge fight. She said she never wanted to marry someone who smoked or used tobacco. She was really mad and hurt by the whole thing. Right then and there I stopped. That was last Monday. I dipped the next day (can you believe dipping again after all of that?) and then the next day I put it away for good.
Dip has caused me so much pain in my life but because this is an addiction I always kept at it. The sneaking around with this big secret has caused me a great deal of stress. I am ready to put it behind me. We have our first baby on the way. I owe it to him, my wife and myself to quit for good this time.
This last week has been great. I no longer drink in order to minimize cravings. I also have stopped drinking excessive amounts of coffee which I no longer need because I am sleeping better. I am finding that I am more productive at work and less tired in the evenings. It really does feel like life is on the upswing now that I am done with tobacco, as long as I remain vigilant. Today is day 6 of my quit.
If you have read all of this I thank you. I have not told anyone this story and it feels good to do so.
P.S. I still need to see how I go about finding my quit group and checking in etc. If any of you could send a link it would be appreciated.
My screen name, "Second_Chance", is my way of getting a second chance at the life I always wanted. One that is free of tobacco.
