EZ,
You gotta listen to these guys. You're an addict...a liar...and really good one, too. That's okay. We all are/were. I was one of the best. I considered myself a "light dipper" (whatever he fuck that is) for 20-plus years. I also used to rationalize that it was okay to dip now, because I was going to quit on ______ (insert milestone like bday, Christmas, New Years, graduation, etc). I did that routine about 16 or 17 years straight. And each time I actually believed my own bullshit.
You will tell yourself anything to avoid doing what you know you must. How about this...write out what you want read at your funeral. Then see if you want one more?
You're in the right place, brother. Join us!!!