Intro / My day #2 thoughts

[AwakenedOne]

Hang in there brother. We are all here for you and most have been right where you are. The first week is hell. Each day you post roll makes your quit stronger. The accountability of this site is 5he best part. That's what has killed my quits in the past, no more though. We are quit brothers who hold each other accountable. You watch my back I'll watch yours. DM me for my phone number if you need anything. WUPPED. Welcome to the first few days of the rest of your nic free life.

[EXBEARHAG]

Hey @JoshTpa

Your introduction could have been mine.  I used in a similar way and for almost the same amount of time.  You're going to have your ups and downs but YOU ARE QUIT.  Keep it rolling.

Just a suggestion: I've noticed that you have not posted here in Intros since November.  It's not for everyone but I've found that getting in here and writing down how/what I'm feeling has been extremely helpful for me.  Furthermore, KTC members and lurkers come here for info and inspiration and I think your message, your experience, could be helpful to a lot of people.  We all think we are alone, unique, but, in actuality, there are many out there exactly like us, suffering the same way, running into the same challenges.

Either way, keep on moving ahead brother.  They tell me there's a light at the end of that tunnel.  My digits are in your box.  Hold that line.

PTBQWYT my friend

[FLLipOut]

I found myself nodding my head a LOT reading through your post.  There is nothing you are going through right now that we don't completely understand because we have been there.  Just know you are no longer alone in your quit anymore.  You have just joined a community of unique and wonderful people who are here to support you.  You can do this, Josh.  Absolutely no doubt about it. 

By the time you wake up tomorrow, your body will be rid of nicotine.  And as long as you keep nicotine out of your body, you will never, ever have to go through this crap again.  There are struggles ahead, for sure.  But each day if you just sign your name, make that promise, keep that promise and take nicotine off the table you are on your way to freedom.  It sounds so ridiculously simple that it couldn't possible work, but it does.

I like where you say you need to "pay attention."  That is so key.  Mindfulness will be a very effective tool in riding out craves.  Most last only 3 - 5 minutes.  Be mindful of them when they happen.  Just watch them, feel them in as detached a manner as possible.  They are just feelings that will pass.  And each time you ride one through, celebrate that you've just destroyed another trigger.

You've got this.

[Keith0617]

Hey all.  Name is Josh.  I'm from Tampa, FL and new to the KTC online group.  I'm on Day 2.  I've had multiple Day 2's in my life and they all sucked.  This one really, really sucks.  The foggy, vertigo, spaced out, worthless, jacked up, addict feeling filled with shame and regret for starting and stopping and starting again.  I've tried hypnosis, meditation, replacements, anti depressants, nicotine gum, anything and everything.

I started dipping over 30 years ago and now I'm 45.  Virtually my entire life I've been owned by a silver topped can.  It's regulated my life and told me what I can and can't do.

I've got a great wife, family, job, dog, friends.  Everything is good.  But I had been shoving 2 + cans of copenhagen in my mouth every day for as long as I can remember.  After breakfast.  Before lunch.  After lunch.  Mid day.  After Dinner.  And of course, before bed.  That was the biggest, longest one.   Hitting the golf course?  That's one dip before the round at the range, then add all along the round.  That's between 1/4 and a 1/2 can of copenhagen in my mouth without fail for over 5 hours non stop only adding.  Sure, I'd spit it out after the round.  But I'd put another one in for the drive home and almost always added more halfway home.  That's before dinner.  My auto pilot was so strong I didn't even realize when I dipped and how much I was putting in.  I didn't realize that I stopped taking dips out and started just adding constantly to it throughout the entire day.  The only real time dip wasn't in my mouth was when it absolutely couldn't be socially, or due to work, or my gums and jaw hurt so bad I just couldn't stand to do it from the pain.

When I do something, I usually go all out with it.  Sometimes that's good.  Other times, not so much.  I have a feeling I'm in good company.

It makes me sick thinking about it and writing it down.   It has ran my schedule, mood, and life for way too long.  I never really sat back and paid attention.  But I am now.  While I'm shaking at my computer, I'm thinking about how this stuff has straight owned me.  I've been thinking about it since chris2alaska tagged me proactively Friday night without knowing me at all, and said it's time to join the quit group.  The next day was yesterday, which was Saturday.

Yesterday was the first time that I can remember going a full day and night without dip.  I've done it before, but usually it was by necessity, like when I was in the hospital for a week with a blood clot in my left arm a few years ago.

The day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  The night was bad, but it wasn't really all that bad.  At least, not as bad as my mind said that it would be.

Today, well today has been pretty rough.  I'm spinning.  I'm shaking.  I can't focus.  I can't concentrate.  I'm mad and sad at the same time.  Vertigo.  Chills.  Hot.  Cold.  Anger.  Old silvertop is not happy and he's fighting back.

I have a reminder on my phone to go off ever hour and remind me not to dip.  I know me and know that I need that hourly reminder or I could literally slip without even realizing it.  That's pathetic, but if that's how it has to be that's how it has to be.

It's past 5pm now on Sunday.  I woke up at 6 am.  I went golfing this morning and I didn't dip all day.  My face didn't rip off, even though that's how it feels, it's just like a golf swing.  Feel ain't real.

I'm committed to staying off. 

I'm paying attention now.

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.  Pay attention, and suffer until my next reminder.  And then suffer again, but that's ok.   I can do anything and withstand any amount of pain or discomfort for an hour if I'm paying attention.

Hi @JoshTpa

Glad to see you have posted in the February quit group; good job!! You are in the toughest part of your quit, so we are glad you are here. It’s pretty simple, we just Wake up, Piss, and Post Every Dang Day (WUPP EDD) as soon as we wake up. Reading the boards, reaching out to other quitters and trading your digits (phone number, but only through Personal Message and never the boards). Also make sure your drinking plenty of water and replacing those intense craves you are having with exercise or something else positive. To be honest, when I was at that stage of quit I was living moment by moment getting though the quit, not just day by day. Anyway, remember you can always come in here and rage, never at home or at work, we understand and can take it, hell we even like to fight if it helps you get your rage out and breaks the addiction for a day, so bring it on, brother!!

@JoshTpa welcome. Drink a ton of water, exercise, and get some rest. Your body isn’t getting the egg ash from the nicotine anymore. We quit one day at a time. We worry about tomorrow when it gets here. We post roll and make our promise to stay nicotine free for the day. Then just keep your word. Recommend making connections with fellow Feb20 quitters as well as some vets. Shoot me a message with your digits and I’ll happily reply with mind. Click on the links on top of your roll page. Knowledge is huge. Ignorance can kill you. You can do this.

[Judaculla]

Hey all.  Name is Josh.  I'm from Tampa, FL and new to the KTC online group.  I'm on Day 2.  I've had multiple Day 2's in my life and they all sucked.  This one really, really sucks.  The foggy, vertigo, spaced out, worthless, jacked up, addict feeling filled with shame and regret for starting and stopping and starting again.  I've tried hypnosis, meditation, replacements, anti depressants, nicotine gum, anything and everything.

I started dipping over 30 years ago and now I'm 45.  Virtually my entire life I've been owned by a silver topped can.  It's regulated my life and told me what I can and can't do.

I've got a great wife, family, job, dog, friends.  Everything is good.  But I had been shoving 2 + cans of copenhagen in my mouth every day for as long as I can remember.  After breakfast.  Before lunch.  After lunch.  Mid day.  After Dinner.  And of course, before bed.  That was the biggest, longest one.   Hitting the golf course?  That's one dip before the round at the range, then add all along the round.  That's between 1/4 and a 1/2 can of copenhagen in my mouth without fail for over 5 hours non stop only adding.  Sure, I'd spit it out after the round.  But I'd put another one in for the drive home and almost always added more halfway home.  That's before dinner.  My auto pilot was so strong I didn't even realize when I dipped and how much I was putting in.  I didn't realize that I stopped taking dips out and started just adding constantly to it throughout the entire day.  The only real time dip wasn't in my mouth was when it absolutely couldn't be socially, or due to work, or my gums and jaw hurt so bad I just couldn't stand to do it from the pain.

When I do something, I usually go all out with it.  Sometimes that's good.  Other times, not so much.  I have a feeling I'm in good company.

It makes me sick thinking about it and writing it down.   It has ran my schedule, mood, and life for way too long.  I never really sat back and paid attention.  But I am now.  While I'm shaking at my computer, I'm thinking about how this stuff has straight owned me.  I've been thinking about it since chris2alaska tagged me proactively Friday night without knowing me at all, and said it's time to join the quit group.  The next day was yesterday, which was Saturday.

Yesterday was the first time that I can remember going a full day and night without dip.  I've done it before, but usually it was by necessity, like when I was in the hospital for a week with a blood clot in my left arm a few years ago.

The day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  The night was bad, but it wasn't really all that bad.  At least, not as bad as my mind said that it would be.

Today, well today has been pretty rough.  I'm spinning.  I'm shaking.  I can't focus.  I can't concentrate.  I'm mad and sad at the same time.  Vertigo.  Chills.  Hot.  Cold.  Anger.  Old silvertop is not happy and he's fighting back.

I have a reminder on my phone to go off ever hour and remind me not to dip.  I know me and know that I need that hourly reminder or I could literally slip without even realizing it.  That's pathetic, but if that's how it has to be that's how it has to be.

It's past 5pm now on Sunday.  I woke up at 6 am.  I went golfing this morning and I didn't dip all day.  My face didn't rip off, even though that's how it feels, it's just like a golf swing.  Feel ain't real.

I'm committed to staying off. 

I'm paying attention now.

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.  Pay attention, and suffer until my next reminder.  And then suffer again, but that's ok.   I can do anything and withstand any amount of pain or discomfort for an hour if I'm paying attention.

Hi @JoshTpa

Glad to see you have posted in the February quit group; good job!! You are in the toughest part of your quit, so we are glad you are here. It’s pretty simple, we just Wake up, Piss, and Post Every Dang Day (WUPP EDD) as soon as we wake up. Reading the boards, reaching out to other quitters and trading your digits (phone number, but only through Personal Message and never the boards). Also make sure your drinking plenty of water and replacing those intense craves you are having with exercise or something else positive. To be honest, when I was at that stage of quit I was living moment by moment getting though the quit, not just day by day. Anyway, remember you can always come in here and rage, never at home or at work, we understand and can take it, hell we even like to fight if it helps you get your rage out and breaks the addiction for a day, so bring it on, brother!!

[JoshTpa]

Hey all.  Name is Josh.  I'm from Tampa, FL and new to the KTC online group.  I'm on Day 2.  I've had multiple Day 2's in my life and they all sucked.  This one really, really sucks.  The foggy, vertigo, spaced out, worthless, jacked up, addict feeling filled with shame and regret for starting and stopping and starting again.  I've tried hypnosis, meditation, replacements, anti depressants, nicotine gum, anything and everything.

I started dipping over 30 years ago and now I'm 45.  Virtually my entire life I've been owned by a silver topped can.  It's regulated my life and told me what I can and can't do.

I've got a great wife, family, job, dog, friends.  Everything is good.  But I had been shoving 2 + cans of copenhagen in my mouth every day for as long as I can remember.  After breakfast.  Before lunch.  After lunch.  Mid day.  After Dinner.  And of course, before bed.  That was the biggest, longest one.   Hitting the golf course?  That's one dip before the round at the range, then add all along the round.  That's between 1/4 and a 1/2 can of copenhagen in my mouth without fail for over 5 hours non stop only adding.  Sure, I'd spit it out after the round.  But I'd put another one in for the drive home and almost always added more halfway home.  That's before dinner.  My auto pilot was so strong I didn't even realize when I dipped and how much I was putting in.  I didn't realize that I stopped taking dips out and started just adding constantly to it throughout the entire day.  The only real time dip wasn't in my mouth was when it absolutely couldn't be socially, or due to work, or my gums and jaw hurt so bad I just couldn't stand to do it from the pain.

When I do something, I usually go all out with it.  Sometimes that's good.  Other times, not so much.  I have a feeling I'm in good company.

It makes me sick thinking about it and writing it down.   It has ran my schedule, mood, and life for way too long.  I never really sat back and paid attention.  But I am now.  While I'm shaking at my computer, I'm thinking about how this stuff has straight owned me.  I've been thinking about it since chris2alaska tagged me proactively Friday night without knowing me at all, and said it's time to join the quit group.  The next day was yesterday, which was Saturday.

Yesterday was the first time that I can remember going a full day and night without dip.  I've done it before, but usually it was by necessity, like when I was in the hospital for a week with a blood clot in my left arm a few years ago.

The day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  The night was bad, but it wasn't really all that bad.  At least, not as bad as my mind said that it would be.

Today, well today has been pretty rough.  I'm spinning.  I'm shaking.  I can't focus.  I can't concentrate.  I'm mad and sad at the same time.  Vertigo.  Chills.  Hot.  Cold.  Anger.  Old silvertop is not happy and he's fighting back.

I have a reminder on my phone to go off ever hour and remind me not to dip.  I know me and know that I need that hourly reminder or I could literally slip without even realizing it.  That's pathetic, but if that's how it has to be that's how it has to be.

It's past 5pm now on Sunday.  I woke up at 6 am.  I went golfing this morning and I didn't dip all day.  My face didn't rip off, even though that's how it feels, it's just like a golf swing.  Feel ain't real.

I'm committed to staying off. 

I'm paying attention now.

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.  Pay attention, and suffer until my next reminder.  And then suffer again, but that's ok.   I can do anything and withstand any amount of pain or discomfort for an hour if I'm paying attention.